Finally checked out that Metroid Prime remake that everyone's been talking about and damn, what a bold move to whole hog genre swap it into a pinball game! ...what's that now? You're telling me everyone's been talking about a Metroid Prime remaster, not a remake? You mean this review doesn't even benefit from being topical??

Anyway, yeah, it's a retreading of Metroid Prime in the form of a pinball game. That's pretty much all there is to it. It's not really a good Metroid or a good pinball game, but it is a fascinating curio.

The most notable element of the game is its soundtrack: while every other table has background music that would be right at home in the Metroid Prime series proper (like the Tallon Overwold table for example), the Pirate Frigate table has the most out-of-place buttrock Brinstar remix with squealing guitars and girthy bass aplenty. It's even wilder on real hardware - you don't need that Rumble Pak, the reverb from the absurdly mixed snare drum hits gotchu covered baby.

And if it that Brinstar remix sounds a bit familiar, it's because it's the wackass "SAMUS IS UNDER FIRE" song from Brawl. I went 16+ years thinking that remix was a fever dream cooked up custom for Smash Bros. but nah, that's from a goddamn pinball spinoff.

Played this on my DS parallel to my playthrough of Metroid Prime Remastered on the Switch. In theory it sounds like a logical pairing but in practice it feels kind of unhinged.

The game itself is pretty fun, there's some good variation in the levels and the way it follows the gameplay of its source material is a cool choice. I suck at pinball too much to beat it but I did see a good deal of it before putting it down. It's good enough quality that I'll likely pick it up when I want to play some pinball in the future.

This game is soooo weird, but somehow makes so much sense?? Why wouldn’t Samus be a pinball lol

I grew up playing the free pinball game on older windows computers so I’m somewhat fond of it. Slap on some Metroid paint and I’m completely bought in. They really nailed the areas, the music is fantastic, and the mini games you unlock while playing are pretty fun and in line with what Prime is all about.

The best part about this game is that they somehow make in all boss fights a thing, and it works! It’s super fun to fight the bosses from Metroid Prime in this strange way, and I look forward to each time I advance to one of their stages.

I haven’t “beaten” the game yet, but I can see myself becoming addicted to the point where I have to. It’s just a matter of having a good enough run to collect 12 artifacts (just like in MP!)

I feel kinda bad giving this game a 2.5 after all the things I just said about it, but at the end of the day it’s pinball. A super weird, super awesome Metroid version, but pinball nonetheless. I personally find this to be a great game to pick up and play whenever you’re bored or just want to play a mindless game pretty quick, and as far as pinball goes it’s the best version I’ve ever played, but I can’t say I’d recommend to everyone.

Why is this game a Pinball remake of Metroid Prime 1? I don't know. Why is this game so much better than Fuse Games' last Nintendo Pinball game? I don't know. Why is this game so expensive? I don't know. Why did my copy come in pristine condition, almost like it's straight out the shrink wrap? I don't know. Why is this games soundtrack weirdly good, specifically the Pirate Frigate theme? I don't know. Why is this the last original metroid game I played? I don't know. Why is this game genuinely really fun? I don't know. I will never understand this game, but I can heartly recommend it.

As it turns out, I don't think I like pinball. The Metroid aesthetices do somewhat alleviate this issue, but it's then compounded again by the game's setup. Instead of individual levels with their own challenges to clear, you have a gauntlet of levels where you collect artifacts by defeating enemies and bosses. It takes ages to do this. When you've got them all, you have a gruelling Ridley fight followed by a tough but a little more enjoyable battle with Metroid Prime.

When I finally reached Ridley and saw how unforgiving the fight was, I resorted to save states just so I could see the end of this one. I finally got to the perfect run after too many tries to count and I wasn't going to let go of it so close to the finish line. Each loss soured me more, I scarcely felt it was my fault when I lost and while I'm sure I'm not very good at pinball, I can't imagine that was all it was. The music and visuals kept me playing, but I don't see myself revisiting this entry of the series ever again.

I've now actually beaten Metroid Prime Pinball (i.e., cleared the Impact Crater stage), and feel the need to write a (sort of) real review of this game. There's a surprising amount of depth to it, and a sense that the people making it wanted to find a way to translate every possible piece of Metroid Prime into the constraints of a digital pinball game. Some are small facsimiles of larger mechanics — like scanning, which grants a random reward — while others, like bombs and missiles and combat sequences, come as close as pinball can to something more systemic. The boss fights against Thardus, the Omega Pirate, and the Metroid Prime are simple but feel better than pinball combat should.

All that aside, the few hours I spent playing Metroid Prime Pinball made me think about how strangely fitting it is for something like a metroidvania — with a focus on learning, understanding, and mastering an interconnected and unchanging set of spaces — to become a pinball game.

And how they should really make a sequel for Yoku's Island Express.