I'm quite critical of games that attempt to appropriate the bullet hell aesthetic to other genres, but this one ends up holding its end of the bargain by justifying the mechanical ornamentations with a great scoring system. It pulls you between head-up-ass chaos and deliberate enemy pathing, stimulating in that way run-based games only can. Also, character variety is through the ROOF here. I wanna see someone beat ass with Aubergine, she's nutty.

I do really wish that there was a better way to interface with the upgrades, though. Having to wait for it to cycle thru to the one you need in a moment is obnoxious. Maybe shooting the upgrade with your gun accelerates the time it takes to change or something? I dunno, I'm no expert. I didn't even know why "Cactus" was in the title of the game until earlier today (it's the main character's name! She's a cop :/).

Almost a year after this game was released, I think this might be the most high-profile assassination of a beloved Nintendo IP since Skyward Sword's with Zelda. You could argue for some of the bullshit Metroid or Star Fox has gotten since then, but I didn't play those because it was too obvious. This one took a while to really get there, catalyzed only by the constant exposure to it since the pandemic started.

The issues I levied against it the first time have either been kept around or alleviated in some way, but the clear sign that my initial hunch was correct of this being a corpse of an Animal Crossing game is how atonal it ends up being? This game is the polar opposite of relaxing to me, it's like being told to Smile While You Work by your boss. By keeping these completely invisible marks of quality around while insisting that The World Is Yours (which, frankly, I don't want it to be) we have arrived at a game that lacks purpose but is also too weak for you to make one for yourself. So, if you're like me, you scramble to find anything worth doing.

And like, whatever, Animal Crossing games can and do eventually feel lifeless by the end of your time with them - what makes this game different? Well, being CONSTANTLY bombarded with screenshots and videos and anecdotes on social media about how this game has the power to connect people in ways only the masters at Nintendo could do... it certainly doesn't help. It was a struggle to care, but people's insistence that everything was fine minus some pesky QoL issues really drove it downwards for me. Though the obvious bends towards modern mobile/F2P design don't help this game's case, it doesn't get substantially better if you can keep your tools forever. It doesn't if you are able to buy multiple things from the catalog every day. What it needs is a fucking pulse.

You know that feeling you get in your arm when you tilt an analog stick and the weight of what's happening on-screen transmogrifies into a 6th sense? That climb upwards which matches the thumb's losing grip on rubber? That illusive beat of existence where motion transcends action and becomes sensation?

They made a game about that.

(P.S. Monkey Target is fun.)

While I have wondered aloud what a 4S would look like, a vision where maybe Chun’s SA2 doesn’t get to store a whole goddamn bar, I cannot simply feign reality like this and claim Third Strike isn’t worthy of full marks. I previously had it at 4.5 stars, and it was that way since I joined this site. Reason? I dunno, a mix of self-perception issues and a fledgling handle on how I’d divvy up these (ultimately pointless) scores. It does say something, though, that I quickly shelved it at 4.5 - near perfection, but lacking something to elevate that... uh, that...

That what, though? Like realistically, would I care if they made Twelve better in the roster, OR is that yucky little glue-ball ultimately more valuable to me as a character so obviously shit that when I’m playing against my friends, I can choose him and pray that I get a match, leading to the moment where I state, dryly, “Dude, you lost to Twelve.”

At some point, I’d have said differently. However, I think I’ve finally reached the moment that 3S has been selling this whole damn time. Countless hours (seriously, this may be my single most-played game ever) have slowly shaped me into someone who just paces through the cast of characters, taking a stab with Necro or Remy (though I always have a home in Urien) in hopes of discovering something that sparks the fuse again, as this game has reliably done several times since first playing it.

It’s ultimately a trustworthy game for me, one of the only multiplayer games that I value both as a design and as a surefire lightning rod for good experiences. I love basically everything about it, even if it does come out sounding differently.

Perhaps more importantly than making a good game, Daisuke "Pixel" Amaya has assured the world that, provided you have *a* computer (any computer still running can play this, I imagine) and an internet connection, you will always have free access to something universally cherished, something intelligent and forthcoming with ideas of simple design, and something (in its original form) untouched by the inherent evil that coats large-scale game development.

I love this game, but let's be real: it's a public service first, great game second. Give Pixel a key to a city or something.

If I could sum up the troubles this game has in one sentiment, it's that Fallen Order is clearly made by a team of people who have signaled their proficiency for action games without it steeping into the work. Despite a whole that I think sums up to be a surprising, albeit gauzy contemporary for Sekiro, issues rear their heads frequently. Unfortunately, most of these derive from heavy jank (an EA game with technical issues no doubt brought on by the company's infrastructure? Say it isn't so.), but the nauseating level design and awkward narrative sequencing thru said levels don't help, either. Just saying, but something has gone wrong when I really don't think I succeeded a single scripted sequence on the first try (SWJ:FO is a decent Sekiro, but it's a shit Uncharted). There are a lot of niggling issues - things that you could definitely iron out with a second crack at it (which is promising considering a sequel is inevitable).

Honestly, if it weren't for the DOUBLE-DIGIT amount of times that BD-1 failed to give me a stim for no discernable reason, this might actually be a positive review.