okay, this review may very well be cheating - i played sonic cd++, a hack that adds an sa1-style homing attack and a sonic 2-style spindash. the ability to home into enemies is a bonus, but being able to dash in the air does a lot to spruce 2d sonic. it's almost TOO good for this game; the sega cd already crushes under the weight of sonic... taking damage, and then you have this move that cause sonic to collide with terrain way too fast and (ahem) briefly fall into one of dr. robotnik's evil traps. it also trivializes metal sonic, so make of that what you will.

that said, i'd be lying if i said my opinion on sonic cd hasn't turned full around by this shiny new playthrough. maybe this is affected by my playthrough of the middling, frustrating, creatively-safe, rigid sonic pocket adventure - it was refreshing to play a 2d sonic game that tried everything it could to be NOT the usual genesis game. it doesn't all work - i'm not fond of wacky workbench act 1, still. however, i found that exploring the levels and searching for generators in the past played out much better than i remember. i didn't even hate special stages as much? look, i also used save states when i felt it was necessary, sue me.

sonic cd is a visual and auditory triumph, even with its odd us soundtrack. sonic cd is an usual 2d platformer that wants the player to indulge in its own cartoon rules. oh i can only wonder what typical Dale Crandell, member of SoA's desired 6-14 male demographic, made of such a surrealist sonic game. did he hate it? did he get confused? did he have a weird magazine-reading friend that told him about how there's a version where the music is different?

different.

yes.

sonic cd is different.

built different, even.

sonic cd is a different animal, but so am i.

i can't tell how much the concentrated cruelty i experienced was just because sonic 2 was like that [haven't played in ages, can't tell] or because of screen crunch. probably moreso the latter mixed with the secret third thing of new dr. suess logic. get the 7th emerald by making sure to bump it off the final boss even after the torture of the downscaled special stages? you have to step on tiny atomic explosions to reach eggman? applying sonic 1's special stage access method to a game that doesn't have three acts in a zone, in a game that otherwise is just Mini Sonic 2?? oh brother.

ah. i was truly suckered into blowing $30 on a rushed licensed product. i really am an adult now.

cosmic shake feels so weird. it constantly feels like it should be a great game. the controls are solid enough, the graphics are appealing, and it's running on the basis of the bfbb remake that i thought was great. yet, the new direction they take with the gameplay feels rushed at best. the game tells you where to go and what to do, and besides some side collectables, it's a straight shot to the finish with little non-visual variety. abilities that spongebob once had in the heavy iron games are no longer around, and you have to progress in the game to learn new ones (artificially making it so that you have to backtrack to previous levels if you want to 100% them). combat is drolling and repetitive, especially when they force you to take down the three-hit tanks. everything just feels worse.

this sentiment extends to the game's identity as well. half of the writing is references, and all of it isn't funny - precisely because it plays it way too safe and hogties itself to what older people might vaguely recall spongebob to be. i don't think anything made me respect the current spongebob crew's aim to give modern episodes a distinct difference from classic episodes than seeing a random european writing group's fanfiction given a budget. to that end, the audio - music is unmemorable, the voice lines play way too frequently, and sound mixing leaves much to be desired.

i could be much meaner. i thought i was going to be meaner. i also thought this might have turned out better than it ended up. i had high hopes for at least another solid spongebob adventure. i pre-ordered this for $10 less than msrp. unfortunately, when i finally got around to this, all i ended up with was a disappointment.

(played thru midway arcade treasures: extended play on psp cuz i really just wanted a convenient package of these games but also didn't feel like blowing $20 on arcade origins for xbox)

this one is so unorthodox and tedious in its controls and it's also racist in ways i didn't expect, but also, there's something... satisfying about toobin. the sheer wtf nature of it. the risk and reward system of going under point flags and bumping into the sides to decrease points. the fact that you can just fuck over player 2 or the cpu by throwing cans at them or bumping into them (those last two combine really well - did you miss the point flag? bump into the side and fuck your friend out of a potential 2000 points!). it's unbridled chaos in every sense of the word. secretly needs a beefed-up remake with online multiplayer. i can see this metamorphizing into a new Mario Party: Destroyer of Friendships.