NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE ORIGINAL WII GAME. This is a terrible demake of the original No More Heroes, which is a masterpiece. With the original version being ported onto Switch and PC in recent years, there are finally more suitable versions for people that simply want to play the game with traditional controls. Below is my handy list on why this awful, janky, glitchy, ugly port is one to avoid.
Reasons why Heroes' Paradise is dogshit;
-Nobody at GhM worked on it
-Horribly ugly texture replacements on literally everything, most character models look like laminated turds
-The blood effect when killing enemies looks particularly awful. Instead of the spraying liquid effect from the Wii version, it looks like PNG files falling out of their bodies
-Terrible sound design (fucking with Fukuda's sound design should be considered an act of treason on humanity)
-Horrible framerate, it's like 20 with constant dips (original game had unlocked framerate that would sometimes be 60, Switch and PC have much more stable 60 fps consistency)
-Gameplay is literally slower, and has asinine mechanics added to make it drag even more
-The extra bosses are just poorly programmed NMH2 bosses
-The premium they put on "QOL" changes go so far as lopping off like a quarter of the Santa Destroy map
-There's stupid-ass glitches, most notable one is how the execution move likes to randomly miss
-All the extra DLC stuff is cosmetic junk, most that will probably get modded into the PC version
Please don't allow newcomers to play this version with PS3's horrible loading times.
Reasons why Heroes' Paradise is dogshit;
-Nobody at GhM worked on it
-Horribly ugly texture replacements on literally everything, most character models look like laminated turds
-The blood effect when killing enemies looks particularly awful. Instead of the spraying liquid effect from the Wii version, it looks like PNG files falling out of their bodies
-Terrible sound design (fucking with Fukuda's sound design should be considered an act of treason on humanity)
-Horrible framerate, it's like 20 with constant dips (original game had unlocked framerate that would sometimes be 60, Switch and PC have much more stable 60 fps consistency)
-Gameplay is literally slower, and has asinine mechanics added to make it drag even more
-The extra bosses are just poorly programmed NMH2 bosses
-The premium they put on "QOL" changes go so far as lopping off like a quarter of the Santa Destroy map
-There's stupid-ass glitches, most notable one is how the execution move likes to randomly miss
-All the extra DLC stuff is cosmetic junk, most that will probably get modded into the PC version
Please don't allow newcomers to play this version with PS3's horrible loading times.
A sequel to a game that never warranted one. No More Heroes 2 is a decent title in its own right, as the hack-n-slash combat still feels pretty good. However, it feels more flawed than the original game (whereas it should've been a step-up), and the story itself feels a little too in-your-face with its characterizations in lieu of a profound narrative.
Still, there's a lot to appreciate, such as the great soundtrack, unique boss designs, and it overall bares some of that blazing style that Grasshopper Manufacture is known for.
Still, there's a lot to appreciate, such as the great soundtrack, unique boss designs, and it overall bares some of that blazing style that Grasshopper Manufacture is known for.
2013
I remember playing this for hours while waiting for the PS4 midnight launch. It was okay I guess lol
The ultimate 2D run-n-gun! Contra III takes the standards that the NES titles set, and destroys them with its updated visuals, faster-paced action, and insane scenarios!
The controls feel excellent, the music is awesome as well as fitting for each stage, and the bosses are a sight to behold! The only thing slightly holding it back are the overhead stages showing off SNES' "mode-7" faux-3D capabilities, but they don't last too long as it is. A badass and tough-as-nails run-n-gun game!
The controls feel excellent, the music is awesome as well as fitting for each stage, and the bosses are a sight to behold! The only thing slightly holding it back are the overhead stages showing off SNES' "mode-7" faux-3D capabilities, but they don't last too long as it is. A badass and tough-as-nails run-n-gun game!
1987
You ever wonder how some classics can be really short, but built to last for newcomers? Mega Man is the prime example. Feels good to run, shoot, and jump! . . . BUT the game is hard as hell, especially near the end! It feels almost unfair at times.
A lot of parts feel like beginner's traps, at least that's how I saw it back when I was younger getting into these games. Still, it makes for a satisfying playthrough--especially when I get myself to used the gained abilities on enemies-- and the original score is great too!
A lot of parts feel like beginner's traps, at least that's how I saw it back when I was younger getting into these games. Still, it makes for a satisfying playthrough--especially when I get myself to used the gained abilities on enemies-- and the original score is great too!
1990
A bit more than a glorified tech demo for the SNES' "Mode-7" capabilities, F-Zero is a humble racing game encased in a simple design that's easy to understand.
The jazzy soundtrack is also a delight, as it envelops you well in its futuristic (and flat) atmosphere. While it might not wow many people these days, the sequels it would spawn are the REAL take-offs for this franchise.
The jazzy soundtrack is also a delight, as it envelops you well in its futuristic (and flat) atmosphere. While it might not wow many people these days, the sequels it would spawn are the REAL take-offs for this franchise.
1986
A classic platformer that will teach you discipline. The heavy movement and stiff attacks make it so you have to really learn enemy patterns and weaknesses.
Castlevania is a very humble beginning for the gothic-themed action platformer, but it's still a charming game nonetheless. The music is considerably a strong point for this experience.
Castlevania is a very humble beginning for the gothic-themed action platformer, but it's still a charming game nonetheless. The music is considerably a strong point for this experience.
A fantastic arcade shooter that's not afraid of being hokey and goofy. House of the Dead would start a legacy of awesome rail-shooting action in a way where they want you to feel like you're the star of a zombie-slaying action movie! Or co-star, if you play with a friend. The game has a hefty number of beginner's traps, but many of them are definitely manageable if you have good reaction timing.
That remake is probably going to suck ass.
That remake is probably going to suck ass.
1988
idc if it wasn't supposed to be the sequel to Super Mario Bros, this game kicks ass. Super Mario Bros. 2 is such a unique entry that they never dared to try again (and instead just make them in the same style over and over again in the future).
I love all the bizarre mechanics of this title and its very dream-like atmosphere! The game also feels huge for a 2D platformer! Some of the design can feel a bit obtuse, but I remember loving this weird and one-of-a-kind platformer since I was a kid. As the cover infers, a lot of this is madness!
I love all the bizarre mechanics of this title and its very dream-like atmosphere! The game also feels huge for a 2D platformer! Some of the design can feel a bit obtuse, but I remember loving this weird and one-of-a-kind platformer since I was a kid. As the cover infers, a lot of this is madness!
An interesting but heavily flawed piece of gaming history where part of the industry became really obsessed with full-motion video for a hot minute.
Night Trap itself has a unique flavor and the hokey acting/scenarios are really fun to see, it just gets really frustrating at points to merely complete its only scenario (which is about 20 minutes long). Still, people that like goofy teenager scenarios from the late 80s-early 90s will definitely find something to love.
This anniversary "remake" is the best way to go as the picture quality is crystal-clear, and the preview feeds make it much more accessible to manage the scenarios.
Night Trap itself has a unique flavor and the hokey acting/scenarios are really fun to see, it just gets really frustrating at points to merely complete its only scenario (which is about 20 minutes long). Still, people that like goofy teenager scenarios from the late 80s-early 90s will definitely find something to love.
This anniversary "remake" is the best way to go as the picture quality is crystal-clear, and the preview feeds make it much more accessible to manage the scenarios.
An experience that's both haunting and intriguing, Please Don't Touch Anything is such a neat puzzle game that rewards (or punishes) absolute curiosity. There isn't a whole lot to do, but the atmosphere of this mystifying device opens up more and more as you find all these little functions hidden away in it. The music is especially great, ranging between levels of comfort and creepiness.
1989
A great early step for beat-em-ups and how they feel, but the difficulty itself just gets really unfair and you see the game for the quarter-muncher that it is. Final Fight isn't very graceful, but it's still a meaty and satisfying arcade game. I just wish it was more balanced.
1993
A jaw-dropping run-n-gun game with a dazzling art style, stupendous music, and insanely satisfying mechanics (throwing those dumb bastards never gets old)!
Gunstar Heroes is easily one of the best games in the Sega Genesis library, but that's no big news since it's a world-renowned game of that console's library. I'm just happy to see that this game still feels really good to play and is tough enough to give you a good fight, but not too difficult where it feels unfair.
Gunstar Heroes is easily one of the best games in the Sega Genesis library, but that's no big news since it's a world-renowned game of that console's library. I'm just happy to see that this game still feels really good to play and is tough enough to give you a good fight, but not too difficult where it feels unfair.
1995
The most notable rail-shooter of all time that doesn't involve zombies! Time Crisis is such an awesome and well-paced shooter with a delightfully corny setting! The lone gunman in a nice jacket is sent out to save the president's daughter kidnapped and brought to this big ol' castle full of armed goons! Huh, that sounds familiar.
I really love how the two most notable rail-shooters both went for a really cinematic approach by creators that were blatantly inspired by movies. Time Crisis is so embedded in action movie blood that you got a guy yelling "ACTION!" between segments. That's legendary stuff right there.
I really love how the two most notable rail-shooters both went for a really cinematic approach by creators that were blatantly inspired by movies. Time Crisis is so embedded in action movie blood that you got a guy yelling "ACTION!" between segments. That's legendary stuff right there.
2001
I remember being 11 years old and going over a friend's house a little bit after Devil May Cry came out. He raved about how great this game is, and I think played some of it in front of me. A couple months later, we hung out and I asked if I can borrow the game.
When I first started it, I thought it was pretty cool. I liked the gothic architecture and old castle feel of Mallet Island. I was kinda just mashing against the enemies for a bit while getting used to the controls. Then came the time to fight Phantom, the big scorpion spider thing who serves as the first boss. I lost over and over again, fighting frivolously and not even getting close to clearing out Phantom's health bar. A good hour in of retrying and dying and getting mad, I started to cry. I gave the game back and said "it sucks!" and was on a tirade against this series for a while.
Fast-forward to 2009, Bayonetta is being shown off and my 19 year-old self got pretty horny over her, which was enough to convince me to check the game out. And I adored it. It wasn't until after I beat the game that I took the time look up who Hideki Kamiya is as he was listed as the game's director. "Wait, this is the guy who made Devil May Cry?!"
I haven't thought about the series for years up to that point. But the memories were still there. I was almost scared to go back, despite being competent enough at action games. I grabbed the HD Collection, jumped in . . . and absolutely loved it!
Devil May Cry 1 might not be the most well-designed or engaging game in its series, but I love the style and presentation so damn much. And, as per my little story, I like to think it can teach any gamer discipline if they haven't experienced that yet from a video game. This title won't let you mash and bust your way through its story, you HAVE to understand how it wants you to play it.
When I first started it, I thought it was pretty cool. I liked the gothic architecture and old castle feel of Mallet Island. I was kinda just mashing against the enemies for a bit while getting used to the controls. Then came the time to fight Phantom, the big scorpion spider thing who serves as the first boss. I lost over and over again, fighting frivolously and not even getting close to clearing out Phantom's health bar. A good hour in of retrying and dying and getting mad, I started to cry. I gave the game back and said "it sucks!" and was on a tirade against this series for a while.
Fast-forward to 2009, Bayonetta is being shown off and my 19 year-old self got pretty horny over her, which was enough to convince me to check the game out. And I adored it. It wasn't until after I beat the game that I took the time look up who Hideki Kamiya is as he was listed as the game's director. "Wait, this is the guy who made Devil May Cry?!"
I haven't thought about the series for years up to that point. But the memories were still there. I was almost scared to go back, despite being competent enough at action games. I grabbed the HD Collection, jumped in . . . and absolutely loved it!
Devil May Cry 1 might not be the most well-designed or engaging game in its series, but I love the style and presentation so damn much. And, as per my little story, I like to think it can teach any gamer discipline if they haven't experienced that yet from a video game. This title won't let you mash and bust your way through its story, you HAVE to understand how it wants you to play it.