HaloBlues
2012
Have you ever held a game so close to your heart that you can't bear to read negative reviews on it?
I'm not going to be the person who says "This game saved my life!", but I will say The Cat Lady did a lot for me.
I was 11 or 12 when I first watched a playthrough of this game. For the most part I was much too young to really understand the subtleties and overarching messages, but by that age I was already struggling with my mental health. I won't get into details, but I was already extremely depressed and deeply contemplating taking my own life.
I vividly remember watching the early part of The Cat Lady, where Susan wakes up in the afterlife and meets the Queen of Maggots, and it shook me to my fucking core. It scared me. It was the first time I'd been faced with the concept of suicide meaning I'd wake up somewhere bleak and terrifying and sinister and revolting, that it wouldn't be an escape to somewhere peaceful and relieving at all. I couldn't get it out of my head, couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of something like that being real - I was a kid with a very overactive imagination who often had night terrors at the slightest glimpse of a Scary Thing or piece of media, and my brain took this and ran with it.
And I was too scared to go through with it. I was, unironically, too scared to risk meeting this fucking maggot lady.
And, God, was I pissed at this game. I hated it. I was so incredibly angry that it had scared me away from what I'd been viewing as a solution. If I just hadn't watched it, if I just hadn't experienced this story, I would've been able to do it.
My memory of it and my fear faded over the years, and I would go on to indeed attempt suicide several times. The last time would be the worst, and I ended up in intensive care for two weeks with doctors trying to save my internal organs from shutting down.
And then I came out the other side. That was two years ago now, and I can now say with full honesty I don't want to die anymore. In fact, sometimes I'm even brave enough to call myself happy. I'm engaged to a wonderful fiancee, I have a solid support network of amazing friends who care about me, my confidence is growing, and I'm proud of who I've become and am becoming.
And so I played this game again.
The Cat Lady is heavy on the heart. It's not a light game you can play on stream, or sink into to take your mind off reality. It's a visceral and real look into the psyche of a depressed, bitterly suicidal woman, and it doesn't make her palatable for you. Susan is resentful, she's cynical, she's reclusive and messy and often rude. But her journey, through her mission and her friendship with Mitzi and her backstory unfurling to the player and her love for her cats and her mental health and her path to learn to live again - it's so, so special. It's really something for a game so unabashedly raw and unfiltered to leave you with a sense of genuine hope and optimism and appreciation for life when the credits roll.
At 11, I hated The Cat Lady for forcing me to live, and now at almost 24 I love it for being here while I learn to do it myself. It took us 13 years to do it, but Susan and I climbed that insurmountable cliff side by side, and for that I'll always sing this game's praises.
I'm not going to be the person who says "This game saved my life!", but I will say The Cat Lady did a lot for me.
I was 11 or 12 when I first watched a playthrough of this game. For the most part I was much too young to really understand the subtleties and overarching messages, but by that age I was already struggling with my mental health. I won't get into details, but I was already extremely depressed and deeply contemplating taking my own life.
I vividly remember watching the early part of The Cat Lady, where Susan wakes up in the afterlife and meets the Queen of Maggots, and it shook me to my fucking core. It scared me. It was the first time I'd been faced with the concept of suicide meaning I'd wake up somewhere bleak and terrifying and sinister and revolting, that it wouldn't be an escape to somewhere peaceful and relieving at all. I couldn't get it out of my head, couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of something like that being real - I was a kid with a very overactive imagination who often had night terrors at the slightest glimpse of a Scary Thing or piece of media, and my brain took this and ran with it.
And I was too scared to go through with it. I was, unironically, too scared to risk meeting this fucking maggot lady.
And, God, was I pissed at this game. I hated it. I was so incredibly angry that it had scared me away from what I'd been viewing as a solution. If I just hadn't watched it, if I just hadn't experienced this story, I would've been able to do it.
My memory of it and my fear faded over the years, and I would go on to indeed attempt suicide several times. The last time would be the worst, and I ended up in intensive care for two weeks with doctors trying to save my internal organs from shutting down.
And then I came out the other side. That was two years ago now, and I can now say with full honesty I don't want to die anymore. In fact, sometimes I'm even brave enough to call myself happy. I'm engaged to a wonderful fiancee, I have a solid support network of amazing friends who care about me, my confidence is growing, and I'm proud of who I've become and am becoming.
And so I played this game again.
The Cat Lady is heavy on the heart. It's not a light game you can play on stream, or sink into to take your mind off reality. It's a visceral and real look into the psyche of a depressed, bitterly suicidal woman, and it doesn't make her palatable for you. Susan is resentful, she's cynical, she's reclusive and messy and often rude. But her journey, through her mission and her friendship with Mitzi and her backstory unfurling to the player and her love for her cats and her mental health and her path to learn to live again - it's so, so special. It's really something for a game so unabashedly raw and unfiltered to leave you with a sense of genuine hope and optimism and appreciation for life when the credits roll.
At 11, I hated The Cat Lady for forcing me to live, and now at almost 24 I love it for being here while I learn to do it myself. It took us 13 years to do it, but Susan and I climbed that insurmountable cliff side by side, and for that I'll always sing this game's praises.
Man, past me would kick my ass for this, but... this was pretty damn good.
They seem to have listened to a lot of feedback, and they really ramped up both the horror and the story here. I'm a sucker for some horror game lore, and this was all kinds of up my alley. The puzzles were a little trickier and more engaging, the areas were varied and interesting, new and returning characters were both frightening (Catnap, the Prototype, Miss Delight) and loveable (Dogday, Kissy), and the atmosphere is getting genuinely great.
Ending was pretty predictable (the Kissy stuff, not the Catnap/Prototype stuff which was interesting), but I'm genuinely intrigued to see where this goes, particularly when it comes to the Prototype, Ollie, the protagonist and their previous role in the experiments, and who ends up as genuinely on our side.
They seem to have listened to a lot of feedback, and they really ramped up both the horror and the story here. I'm a sucker for some horror game lore, and this was all kinds of up my alley. The puzzles were a little trickier and more engaging, the areas were varied and interesting, new and returning characters were both frightening (Catnap, the Prototype, Miss Delight) and loveable (Dogday, Kissy), and the atmosphere is getting genuinely great.
Ending was pretty predictable (the Kissy stuff, not the Catnap/Prototype stuff which was interesting), but I'm genuinely intrigued to see where this goes, particularly when it comes to the Prototype, Ollie, the protagonist and their previous role in the experiments, and who ends up as genuinely on our side.
2022
Perfectly adequate, though I personally found it a little short and unsatisfying compared to other games by this author. I've played Creme De La Creme many times before, and I'm currently playing Royal Affairs for the first time, and both are considerably more substantial and easier to invest emotionally in. The romantic interests are fine, but not particularly interesting in comparison to the characters in the other two games - I did, however, appreciate the possibility of a polyamorous relationship with Pascha and Tomi, and I found that very sweet. Rys was less intriguing to me, and I found the mystery surrounding them to leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth because of how untrustworthy they were portrayed to be at first, which made it hard to warm up to them.
Ultimately a fine addition to the larger world that these stories are set in, but nothing I would feel driven to recommend if you don't like the other two.
Ultimately a fine addition to the larger world that these stories are set in, but nothing I would feel driven to recommend if you don't like the other two.
A genuine and significant step up from Sun and Moon. Characters are given more space and time to shine and develop, the story has found its footing, and relationships begin to unfold naturally. Some interesting plot beats begin in this book, and I look forward to where the third installment takes us (the demo is already extremely promising).
2009
This game consumed my teenage years. The first time I experienced it, I was around 11-12, sleeping over at a friend's house, and she had this game up on her computer. We stayed awake until the early hours of the morning just taking turns making Sims. I don't remember if we ever even progressed into the actual game part of it; I was just having the time of my life creating little people.
I went home the next day set on getting this game for myself so I would be able to play it more in-depth than waiting my turn to make a Sim, but all I remembered was that "it was a game with diamonds on the cover, and all of the diamonds had people in them". My sister, godsend that she is, tracked it down and found it for me, and I did NOT look back.
Sure, the loading times were so slow that I still remember the wait for them years later, but - cars! Interesting and engaging and varied career tracks (the criminal career!) Expansion packs that gave you actual value for money - cats and dogs and horses and foxes and rodents all coming with Pets, and vampires, werewolves, witches, and fairies all coming with Supernatural! More than 3 traits per Sim!
It pains me that it's difficult to go back to graphically now, because compared to Sims 3, Sims 4 is just so soulless and hollow. Maybe I'll give this another try with some immense modding and CC-ing and see if I can bring the Sims' appearance a little up to modern standards. If I can manage that, I doubt I'll ever open Sims 4 again.
I went home the next day set on getting this game for myself so I would be able to play it more in-depth than waiting my turn to make a Sim, but all I remembered was that "it was a game with diamonds on the cover, and all of the diamonds had people in them". My sister, godsend that she is, tracked it down and found it for me, and I did NOT look back.
Sure, the loading times were so slow that I still remember the wait for them years later, but - cars! Interesting and engaging and varied career tracks (the criminal career!) Expansion packs that gave you actual value for money - cats and dogs and horses and foxes and rodents all coming with Pets, and vampires, werewolves, witches, and fairies all coming with Supernatural! More than 3 traits per Sim!
It pains me that it's difficult to go back to graphically now, because compared to Sims 3, Sims 4 is just so soulless and hollow. Maybe I'll give this another try with some immense modding and CC-ing and see if I can bring the Sims' appearance a little up to modern standards. If I can manage that, I doubt I'll ever open Sims 4 again.
My fiancee and I tried to get through this after finishing DR1 in our effort to play (well, watch for her) through the entire series together, especially because she loved Toko in the first game, but after however many months it's been of me trying to force myself through this and finding any excuse not to pick it back up again every time I close it, I just... can't anymore.
The story was interesting, I really did try to stick to it for the sake of that and the twists and the narrative connection to the series (I've never met Nagito before, for example, as I've never played the rest of the main games and am relatively unspoiled, so I wanted to see what was up with him here), but it's just not worth it.
The controls are excruciatingly awful, as is the camera, the characters are exhausting, the combat is janky, most of the minigames are tedious and repetitive, and the graphics are distractingly bad. Every non-main NPC is just the same two featureless silhouettes copy-and-pasted across the map, and the handling of themes like child abuse, body/facial dysmorphia, mental illness, and sexual assault are cartoonishly offensive.
And I didn't even get as far as all the pedophilia stuff.
The story was interesting, I really did try to stick to it for the sake of that and the twists and the narrative connection to the series (I've never met Nagito before, for example, as I've never played the rest of the main games and am relatively unspoiled, so I wanted to see what was up with him here), but it's just not worth it.
The controls are excruciatingly awful, as is the camera, the characters are exhausting, the combat is janky, most of the minigames are tedious and repetitive, and the graphics are distractingly bad. Every non-main NPC is just the same two featureless silhouettes copy-and-pasted across the map, and the handling of themes like child abuse, body/facial dysmorphia, mental illness, and sexual assault are cartoonishly offensive.
And I didn't even get as far as all the pedophilia stuff.
2013
I really enjoyed the art style (and aesthetic in general) of this one - it had a very specific, unique sort of vibe right down to the way the date looks in the top left corner. The characters being themed around both colours and card suits is interesting and hits on some tropes I love, and the visuals and art in general were pretty gorgeous; some of the proportions on the hands in certain CGs were questionable (and Kent's sprite makes his left arm look 50 metres long for some reason), but other than that they were great.
In the order that I did the routes:
KENT: I enjoyed this one way more than I thought I would. My general pattern with dating sims is to go for the one that least interests me first to a) get it out of the way, b) balance that out with the interest of seeing the story unfold for the first time, and c) save the best ones for last, but I think Kent might actually be my favourite of the options looking back on the game as a whole. He's endearing and very unintentionally funny in that sort of deadpan, dry way I love in my characters, and he's also very definitely a fellow autistic. This route was pretty sweet and low-drama from what I can recall, with the issues mostly centering around figuring out your communication with Kent, your amnesia, and how you'll approach him moving away at the end of the month.
IKKI: As a counterpoint to Kent's, I thought I'd like his route more than I did. The latter half of it somewhat made up for it, but the first half was pretty uncomfortable and wasn't particularly making me root for the relationship at all. I'm not a huge fan of Ikki's whole superpowered eyes thing he has going on - it might sound strange to say it considering there are other fantastical elements in the game, but it felt a little out-of-step with the tone of the rest of the story. His fan club is also cartoonishly evil and malicious, not just in his own route but in others too.
TOMA: Unfortunately I kind of knew the spoilers around this one before going into it thanks to recognising his name. Part of me wishes I hadn't so I could've experienced it blind, but there were still elements of it that surprised me, so I'm not too bothered by it. I'm pretty open to dark and toxic elements to fictional relationships - in fact, it'll probably pique my interest more than the alternative - but I will admit there were moments in this route that pushed a little too far into discomfort than I was anticipating. I'm not sure I buy his good ending and having him be forgiven so easily, but that's otome protagonists for you, I suppose.
SHIN: This one was genuinely pretty interesting. Each route has a slightly different genre focus - I'd say Kent's is more slice-of-life, Ikki's is romantic drama with some horror elements in the back half, and Toma's turns psychological thriller - and Shin's kicks off a heavier 'murder' mystery/detective angle that I thought was neat. I'm not entirely sure why he's so focused on in marketing and on the cover because there was nothing that made his route feel more 'canon' than the others, especially in comparison to Ukyo, but there were some good twists in here and I love Shin's design. He really was an asshole, though - there were a few things he said to the protagonist that were too far IMO and frankly crossed the line into verbal abuse for me.
UKYO: There's a lot I could say about the harmful and incredibly inaccurate depiction of DID here, but it's a game from 2013, so I'll try not to fixate on it (plus that would devolve into an entire generalised rant about its portrayal in media and I'm trying to keep this review more focused than that). This was a very different take than the other routes, which was to be expected, and I can see why he's a popular favourite, though he didn't quite take that spot for me. The ending ran into the same "forgiven far too easily" issue I had with Toma, but the good ending did actually make me pretty emotional (it was seeing Nhil and Orion in the human world that got me), so it was a pretty good beat to end on. It does leave some questions unanswered, though - to my knowledge, it's never specified whether 'the other Ukyo' is gone or not; there's no reason he would be, but he's never brought up again and it's treated as an uncomplicatedly happy ending with no more relationship issues, so is he no longer around? Is it not an obstacle anymore?
The only other criticism I have of this game is the frequency of the... I guess I have to call them loading screens? They're not there to actually load anything in, because they're instantly skippable, but for some reason the game has these fade-in fade-out screens pop up whenever a location changes or a new day begins, which sometimes results in you getting past a screen, reading 5-10 lines of dialogue, and immediately dealing with another screen, which gets especially irritating once the art on them starts to repeat as well. That's a minor nitpick, though, and once I figured out they responded to the skip function it was much less of an issue.
The minigames are pretty much nothing modes - it's a pretty tedious rock-paper-scissors game (that does admittedly get slightly more engaging once it speeds up, I believe once you've beaten 3 characters) and a clunky but minimally more fun air hockey contest. I'd only really advise doing them if you're going for the 100% like I was.
The soundtrack is also pretty ignorable - had some nice tracks, most notably the softer piano that played during more emotional moments and the more eerie chords that played during some scenes with Ukyo, Rika, or Toma, but it was mostly just inoffensive background tunes.
Favourite Male Character: Kent, but also shoutout to Waka who was hilarious. Almost regretted him not having a route, but I think I like him better as your mysterious manager
Favourite Female Character: Sawa and Mine, though I was pleasantly surprised by friendly Rika on Ukyo's route
First Character I Liked: Toma
Favourite Character Design: Shin
Favourite Moment: Seeing Nhil and Orion at the very end of Ukyo's good ending
Least Favourite Character: The random Ikki fan club girls, I suppose? It feels like cheating to say them, but there are no major characters I particularly disliked
In the order that I did the routes:
KENT: I enjoyed this one way more than I thought I would. My general pattern with dating sims is to go for the one that least interests me first to a) get it out of the way, b) balance that out with the interest of seeing the story unfold for the first time, and c) save the best ones for last, but I think Kent might actually be my favourite of the options looking back on the game as a whole. He's endearing and very unintentionally funny in that sort of deadpan, dry way I love in my characters, and he's also very definitely a fellow autistic. This route was pretty sweet and low-drama from what I can recall, with the issues mostly centering around figuring out your communication with Kent, your amnesia, and how you'll approach him moving away at the end of the month.
IKKI: As a counterpoint to Kent's, I thought I'd like his route more than I did. The latter half of it somewhat made up for it, but the first half was pretty uncomfortable and wasn't particularly making me root for the relationship at all. I'm not a huge fan of Ikki's whole superpowered eyes thing he has going on - it might sound strange to say it considering there are other fantastical elements in the game, but it felt a little out-of-step with the tone of the rest of the story. His fan club is also cartoonishly evil and malicious, not just in his own route but in others too.
TOMA: Unfortunately I kind of knew the spoilers around this one before going into it thanks to recognising his name. Part of me wishes I hadn't so I could've experienced it blind, but there were still elements of it that surprised me, so I'm not too bothered by it. I'm pretty open to dark and toxic elements to fictional relationships - in fact, it'll probably pique my interest more than the alternative - but I will admit there were moments in this route that pushed a little too far into discomfort than I was anticipating. I'm not sure I buy his good ending and having him be forgiven so easily, but that's otome protagonists for you, I suppose.
SHIN: This one was genuinely pretty interesting. Each route has a slightly different genre focus - I'd say Kent's is more slice-of-life, Ikki's is romantic drama with some horror elements in the back half, and Toma's turns psychological thriller - and Shin's kicks off a heavier 'murder' mystery/detective angle that I thought was neat. I'm not entirely sure why he's so focused on in marketing and on the cover because there was nothing that made his route feel more 'canon' than the others, especially in comparison to Ukyo, but there were some good twists in here and I love Shin's design. He really was an asshole, though - there were a few things he said to the protagonist that were too far IMO and frankly crossed the line into verbal abuse for me.
UKYO: There's a lot I could say about the harmful and incredibly inaccurate depiction of DID here, but it's a game from 2013, so I'll try not to fixate on it (plus that would devolve into an entire generalised rant about its portrayal in media and I'm trying to keep this review more focused than that). This was a very different take than the other routes, which was to be expected, and I can see why he's a popular favourite, though he didn't quite take that spot for me. The ending ran into the same "forgiven far too easily" issue I had with Toma, but the good ending did actually make me pretty emotional (it was seeing Nhil and Orion in the human world that got me), so it was a pretty good beat to end on. It does leave some questions unanswered, though - to my knowledge, it's never specified whether 'the other Ukyo' is gone or not; there's no reason he would be, but he's never brought up again and it's treated as an uncomplicatedly happy ending with no more relationship issues, so is he no longer around? Is it not an obstacle anymore?
The only other criticism I have of this game is the frequency of the... I guess I have to call them loading screens? They're not there to actually load anything in, because they're instantly skippable, but for some reason the game has these fade-in fade-out screens pop up whenever a location changes or a new day begins, which sometimes results in you getting past a screen, reading 5-10 lines of dialogue, and immediately dealing with another screen, which gets especially irritating once the art on them starts to repeat as well. That's a minor nitpick, though, and once I figured out they responded to the skip function it was much less of an issue.
The minigames are pretty much nothing modes - it's a pretty tedious rock-paper-scissors game (that does admittedly get slightly more engaging once it speeds up, I believe once you've beaten 3 characters) and a clunky but minimally more fun air hockey contest. I'd only really advise doing them if you're going for the 100% like I was.
The soundtrack is also pretty ignorable - had some nice tracks, most notably the softer piano that played during more emotional moments and the more eerie chords that played during some scenes with Ukyo, Rika, or Toma, but it was mostly just inoffensive background tunes.
Favourite Male Character: Kent, but also shoutout to Waka who was hilarious. Almost regretted him not having a route, but I think I like him better as your mysterious manager
Favourite Female Character: Sawa and Mine, though I was pleasantly surprised by friendly Rika on Ukyo's route
First Character I Liked: Toma
Favourite Character Design: Shin
Favourite Moment: Seeing Nhil and Orion at the very end of Ukyo's good ending
Least Favourite Character: The random Ikki fan club girls, I suppose? It feels like cheating to say them, but there are no major characters I particularly disliked
2007
Massive childhood nostalgia game.
In my primary school (that's elementary for you Americans, ages 4-11), there was something called the After School Club where you'd all hang out in this room if your parents were working and couldn't pick you up for a few hours. Had biscuits, juice, gaming consoles, toys, a garden, all that shit. They eventually got a Wii, and Mario Party 8 was the absolute shit. Kids were crowding around to play this together while others watched; we were only allowed to have 20 minute intervals per group so everyone could get a turn, and I remember stretching the games out as much as possible so I could use the excuse of "Just let us finish this game!" and keep on playing.
Upon remembering this game as an adult, I ended up going out and buying a Wii just for this - and it really is as fun as I remember it being. It's janky in the typical Wii motion controls way where I have to be in a very specific spot moving in a very specific way if I want it to pick up my movements properly, but this is absolutely one of my favourite Mario Party installments to this day.
Love what they did with the city/hotel board (I'm terrible with names), best gimmick in here for sure, followed up by the train board where the carriages can all rearrange. Less a fan of the randomised chance element of Boo's mansion, but it's not unenjoyable.
I'll still force any friends who are willing to play this with me.
In my primary school (that's elementary for you Americans, ages 4-11), there was something called the After School Club where you'd all hang out in this room if your parents were working and couldn't pick you up for a few hours. Had biscuits, juice, gaming consoles, toys, a garden, all that shit. They eventually got a Wii, and Mario Party 8 was the absolute shit. Kids were crowding around to play this together while others watched; we were only allowed to have 20 minute intervals per group so everyone could get a turn, and I remember stretching the games out as much as possible so I could use the excuse of "Just let us finish this game!" and keep on playing.
Upon remembering this game as an adult, I ended up going out and buying a Wii just for this - and it really is as fun as I remember it being. It's janky in the typical Wii motion controls way where I have to be in a very specific spot moving in a very specific way if I want it to pick up my movements properly, but this is absolutely one of my favourite Mario Party installments to this day.
Love what they did with the city/hotel board (I'm terrible with names), best gimmick in here for sure, followed up by the train board where the carriages can all rearrange. Less a fan of the randomised chance element of Boo's mansion, but it's not unenjoyable.
I'll still force any friends who are willing to play this with me.
This probably isn't the kind of game you expect to have sentimental significance to people, but it does for me, so I'm going to get that out of the way and then focus on the more objective stuff.
So I was in an abusive relationship throughout 2021-2022. I won't get into the details, but it was pretty extreme, and included controlling who I could speak to/the friendships I could have, for how long I could be with them, and so on. I was very trauma-bonded to this person - I could not see how bad it was. I knew I was miserable, I knew it was abusive, but I was making excuses and I couldn't bring myself to leave or even to stand up for myself.
I was finally 'allowed' to have a game night with my best friend for an hour, and on that game night we played Golf With Your Friends. It was the first time we'd played (though we'd both seen YouTubers play it before), and we started off with the Forest map - and it was the hardest I'd laughed since my relationship began. Tears in my eyes, hysterics, non-stop laughing. I later found out that my mother had been outside my bedroom door listening, because she hadn't heard me laugh in so long.
That was one of the first steps in realising I had to get out, and the best friend I played with that night is now my fiancee.
Less heavily, this has been the background game for so many good conversations with my friend groups. It's always so much fun - often people will be reluctant to try it because, well, 'Golf With Your Friends' doesn't sound like a very appealing and exciting game on the surface to most of them, but once we're in it everyone is yelling and laughing and asking me when we can play it again.
The official courses are pretty good and have a decent amount of variety, but once you're done with them the real fun is in the custom/Steam Workshop courses. Sort by popular/most liked, check the comments to make sure there are no glitches that might prevent you from finishing, and go wild. There are some genuinely creative gems in there.
I've played other golf games, and this one has my favourite controls and general graphics. They're pretty smooth and easy to get accustomed to in my experience, and I very rarely, if ever, got frustrated with the game for making me fuck up as a result of a glitch or bad gameplay - any errors I make are entirely my own.
The customisation is cool - loved the cosmetics you can unlock for finishing courses, and my ball is now rolling around with a halo and angel wings. I also enjoy my little swan-boat float.
So I was in an abusive relationship throughout 2021-2022. I won't get into the details, but it was pretty extreme, and included controlling who I could speak to/the friendships I could have, for how long I could be with them, and so on. I was very trauma-bonded to this person - I could not see how bad it was. I knew I was miserable, I knew it was abusive, but I was making excuses and I couldn't bring myself to leave or even to stand up for myself.
I was finally 'allowed' to have a game night with my best friend for an hour, and on that game night we played Golf With Your Friends. It was the first time we'd played (though we'd both seen YouTubers play it before), and we started off with the Forest map - and it was the hardest I'd laughed since my relationship began. Tears in my eyes, hysterics, non-stop laughing. I later found out that my mother had been outside my bedroom door listening, because she hadn't heard me laugh in so long.
That was one of the first steps in realising I had to get out, and the best friend I played with that night is now my fiancee.
Less heavily, this has been the background game for so many good conversations with my friend groups. It's always so much fun - often people will be reluctant to try it because, well, 'Golf With Your Friends' doesn't sound like a very appealing and exciting game on the surface to most of them, but once we're in it everyone is yelling and laughing and asking me when we can play it again.
The official courses are pretty good and have a decent amount of variety, but once you're done with them the real fun is in the custom/Steam Workshop courses. Sort by popular/most liked, check the comments to make sure there are no glitches that might prevent you from finishing, and go wild. There are some genuinely creative gems in there.
I've played other golf games, and this one has my favourite controls and general graphics. They're pretty smooth and easy to get accustomed to in my experience, and I very rarely, if ever, got frustrated with the game for making me fuck up as a result of a glitch or bad gameplay - any errors I make are entirely my own.
The customisation is cool - loved the cosmetics you can unlock for finishing courses, and my ball is now rolling around with a halo and angel wings. I also enjoy my little swan-boat float.
Marking as complete since I've finished what's currently out, but I'll update as more episodes release.
I'd somehow never heard of this game despite it apparently blowing up for being controversial, so I guess I'm not quite as online as I thought I was. A few days ago one of my friends sent me a picture of the male protagonist and told me it looked like me, a bunch of other friends in the group chimed in agreeing, and then one person told me Not!!! to relate to him because the guy was a cannibalistic freak. So naturally I looked up what the game was about and immediately played it.
First of all, there's incest in this game. If you've heard of it, you probably know that already, but if not, there's your warning. I believe it was initially a case of "it's optional, you only get it if you end up on a certain route", which is true to a degree, but the implications and comments are also there regardless of route, so if you're uncomfortable about it at all you're better off not playing it. The only 'optional' part is whether or not it actually goes in the direction of, uh... consummation.
Anyway, onto the actual content: I really dig the graphics. TCOAAL has an almost RPG Maker-esque pixel style, though the sprites are a little more detailed than RPGM's usually are, and the actual character portraits have a really nice, consistent look to them, with the thick white outlines and monochrome colours.
It contains puzzles, and they were pretty much the perfect level of difficulty for me - I enjoy puzzles that make me think, that stump me for a couple of minutes, but that aren't frustratingly hard to the point where I end up stuck on the same section for ages or have to look up a walkthrough. If you like your puzzles to be genuinely tricky, these will probably be too simple for you, but they catered to me pretty perfectly. There is one slightly bothersome dream section where you as Andrew have to get across a black void of a room by finding the right maze-like direction through the dark and making tiles appear, which wasn't difficult as much as it was just annoying to navigate, but it doesn't take long to get past.
If you like your characters to be redeemable and moral, this is definitely not the game for you. Both Ashley and Andrew, the protagonists, are varying degrees of Bad People, with Ashley being manipulative and sadistic, Andrew being apathetic and violent, and both of them being, well, cannibals and murderers. Their parents aren't much better, nor are the side characters who range from 'rude' to 'cartoonishly evil' such as the Toxisoda company, but I wasn't all that bothered by it seeing as I love a good villain protagonist.
The relationship between Andrew and Ashley is... pretty much what I expected going into it from what I'd read. Codependent, mutually toxic, obsessive, with incestuous undertones that become less undertones and more "yeah, this is where the story's headed" by the end of Episode 2 thanks to a future vision of them sleeping together. Not great, obviously, but it is an interesting dynamic to watch unfold in the space of horror fiction where it's unapologetically treated by both the narrative and those around them as fucked up and unhealthy. I gather most of the people crying "incest apologism!" about this game haven't actually played it, because it's not treated as the 'right' thing to do at all, with the narration actively warning you against the choices that take you there, and with it explicitly explained that their abusive and neglectful childhood probably resulted in their feelings in adulthood, as they had no one except each other, and that it caused that sibling protectiveness to become warped and possessive.
Some of the dialogue can be a little silly - Ashley, especially, is extremely openly crude, and she'll make sexual jokes and comments to the point of it being out of place sometimes in a way that doesn't seem intentional (that "Move your fat ass" "I think you mean my awesome fat tits" exchange comes to mind as being notably corny), but it's not as bad as I'd anticipated from other reviews. They're mentally fucked up young adults with sexual complexes and a complete lack of boundaries who talk the way you'd expect that kind of person to talk, really.
Anyway, I played it through with my fiancee and we both genuinely enjoy it so far. I'll be keeping up with updates/devlogs and hope to see the third episode out soon.
I'd somehow never heard of this game despite it apparently blowing up for being controversial, so I guess I'm not quite as online as I thought I was. A few days ago one of my friends sent me a picture of the male protagonist and told me it looked like me, a bunch of other friends in the group chimed in agreeing, and then one person told me Not!!! to relate to him because the guy was a cannibalistic freak. So naturally I looked up what the game was about and immediately played it.
First of all, there's incest in this game. If you've heard of it, you probably know that already, but if not, there's your warning. I believe it was initially a case of "it's optional, you only get it if you end up on a certain route", which is true to a degree, but the implications and comments are also there regardless of route, so if you're uncomfortable about it at all you're better off not playing it. The only 'optional' part is whether or not it actually goes in the direction of, uh... consummation.
Anyway, onto the actual content: I really dig the graphics. TCOAAL has an almost RPG Maker-esque pixel style, though the sprites are a little more detailed than RPGM's usually are, and the actual character portraits have a really nice, consistent look to them, with the thick white outlines and monochrome colours.
It contains puzzles, and they were pretty much the perfect level of difficulty for me - I enjoy puzzles that make me think, that stump me for a couple of minutes, but that aren't frustratingly hard to the point where I end up stuck on the same section for ages or have to look up a walkthrough. If you like your puzzles to be genuinely tricky, these will probably be too simple for you, but they catered to me pretty perfectly. There is one slightly bothersome dream section where you as Andrew have to get across a black void of a room by finding the right maze-like direction through the dark and making tiles appear, which wasn't difficult as much as it was just annoying to navigate, but it doesn't take long to get past.
If you like your characters to be redeemable and moral, this is definitely not the game for you. Both Ashley and Andrew, the protagonists, are varying degrees of Bad People, with Ashley being manipulative and sadistic, Andrew being apathetic and violent, and both of them being, well, cannibals and murderers. Their parents aren't much better, nor are the side characters who range from 'rude' to 'cartoonishly evil' such as the Toxisoda company, but I wasn't all that bothered by it seeing as I love a good villain protagonist.
The relationship between Andrew and Ashley is... pretty much what I expected going into it from what I'd read. Codependent, mutually toxic, obsessive, with incestuous undertones that become less undertones and more "yeah, this is where the story's headed" by the end of Episode 2 thanks to a future vision of them sleeping together. Not great, obviously, but it is an interesting dynamic to watch unfold in the space of horror fiction where it's unapologetically treated by both the narrative and those around them as fucked up and unhealthy. I gather most of the people crying "incest apologism!" about this game haven't actually played it, because it's not treated as the 'right' thing to do at all, with the narration actively warning you against the choices that take you there, and with it explicitly explained that their abusive and neglectful childhood probably resulted in their feelings in adulthood, as they had no one except each other, and that it caused that sibling protectiveness to become warped and possessive.
Some of the dialogue can be a little silly - Ashley, especially, is extremely openly crude, and she'll make sexual jokes and comments to the point of it being out of place sometimes in a way that doesn't seem intentional (that "Move your fat ass" "I think you mean my awesome fat tits" exchange comes to mind as being notably corny), but it's not as bad as I'd anticipated from other reviews. They're mentally fucked up young adults with sexual complexes and a complete lack of boundaries who talk the way you'd expect that kind of person to talk, really.
Anyway, I played it through with my fiancee and we both genuinely enjoy it so far. I'll be keeping up with updates/devlogs and hope to see the third episode out soon.
2022
I don't get it. I really don't. It's boring and repetitive gameplay for 95% of it, with absolutely nothing happening and with nothing to even see, I didn't find it spooky at all, and the jumpscare at the end was so anticlimactic and ridiculous that I found it comedic rather than scary.
Maybe something just isn't clicking with me? Everyone seems to rave about this game and it's like watching everyone hype up a stale end slice of bread. You can eat it without issues, but... why would you want to?
1.5 stars because there's nothing mechanically wrong with it, but I don't understand this one. Check it out if you think it'll be your thing by all means, it's short (though not short enough for me) and cheap.
Maybe something just isn't clicking with me? Everyone seems to rave about this game and it's like watching everyone hype up a stale end slice of bread. You can eat it without issues, but... why would you want to?
1.5 stars because there's nothing mechanically wrong with it, but I don't understand this one. Check it out if you think it'll be your thing by all means, it's short (though not short enough for me) and cheap.
2020
Completed Sacha's route. I usually go for the 100%, but I can't make myself replay this one.
Positives:
- Generally wholesome and pleasant art style, aesthetics, and atmosphere.
- The backgrounds are pretty, particularly the apartment interiors. Was a big fan of the home your protagonist has with the fairy lights and the details like their collection of souvenir mugs.
- The variety in dogs is cool, with four to choose from, each of a different breed, personality, boosted stat, and backstory.
Neutral:
- The main focus is on the dog care rather than the romance for sure, so YMMV on whether that's a good or bad thing. I'm personally playing dating sims for the relationships and characters rather than the 'management sim'-esque aspect this has, so it wasn't the way I'd have preferred.
- The humour reminded me of Dream Daddy. Whether that's a plus or minus is subjective. For me, it was a minus; that kind of relentless, in-your-face goofiness that gets overplayed fast and makes it hard to take the game's attempts at heavier subject matter seriously.
Negatives:
- Why. Why. Why. Why isn't there a 'skip read text' button? Not only is that a mainstay feature of visual novels for a reason, I'd go as far as to say it's an essential one. The lack of one is the major reason behind why I'm not continuing with the other routes - I am absolutely not sitting here manually clicking through the entire story over again for the minute-long scenes you get with specific characters every so often.
- Dog events happen way too often. Like, within the span of about twenty seconds, I had to continuously stop progressing the story to comfort my cowering dog, then to pull it back from running away, then to pull it back from digging in the ground, then to pick up its poop. Begging you to let me read the damn dialogue.
- Continuing from the above, the randomised factor of when dog events trigger completely messes with the dating sim/emotional story beat aspect of the game. You'll be having your first kiss with your love interest or discussing their childhood trauma and your dog will be farting and taking shits that you have to stop to pick up. Is it funny to mention when you're not actively having it happen to you? Yes. Does it completely ruin it? Yes.
- Typos and spelling mistakes littered throughout the game; not frequently at all, but I noticed a fair few like "and" instead of "a", "through" instead of "throw", etc.
- When you're texting characters on your phone, the text speed of your replies is agonisingly slow and non-adjustable. With the main dialogue speed being adjustable in the settings menu, I don't know why this wasn't also affected by that toggle; no one wants to sit there and watch responses get typed out at less than one word per second for a whole conversation.
- Randomly tone shifts from cute slice-of-life in a utopia-esque town where everything is perfect to you getting violently robbed and knocked unconscious in the street out of nowhere. Huh? Huh???? Pick a vibe.
- The first scene on the bus leads you to think that the game is fully voice-acted, but as soon as the intro's over it shifts into only random noises and catchphrases being said out loud. They're incredibly repetitive and sometimes out-of-place, so I ended up just turning voice acting off.
Another negative point that is exclusive to Sacha's route is the handling of the trans themes. During his route, you meet his roommate who mentions Sacha's transition in front of you, and then the entire game grinds to a halt to force you to have a discussion about it. It was already obvious to me that Sacha was trans and I didn't really feel the need to question him about what his roommate meant by 'transition', because... I knew what he meant. So when given the dialogue options "Transition?" and something unrelated, I went with the unrelated one to progress the conversation, only for it to loop back around and force me to pick "Transition?" anyway. Sacha then acts shocked because "I thought you knew!" (I did), you ask him if his roommate was allowed to disclose that, and then all three of you sit down to have a PSA meeting about how you should never out someone without their consent but that it was okay for the roommate to do it in this instance because he had pre-received permission and Sacha isn't stealth but that in any other circumstance this would be bad and you should learn from this information. Later, you're also forced to confront Sacha's transphobic family and discuss his gender there too.
Throughout all of this, there is no option to say that you/your character is also transgender, despite the fact that you can choose a gender-nonconforming appearance and use they/them pronouns. You just have to stand there asking what a "transition" is like an idiot and have these characters explain surface-level facts about being trans to you.
I understand why it was put there - as a way to educate cis people - but it was clumsy and ground the whole game to a halt, and when you already know these things, it feels incredibly patronising to have to get 'taught' them by this game, especially with the sort of "You should never ever give away anyone's personal information without their permission!" tone it uses like you're a child at an internet safety lecture.
Positives:
- Generally wholesome and pleasant art style, aesthetics, and atmosphere.
- The backgrounds are pretty, particularly the apartment interiors. Was a big fan of the home your protagonist has with the fairy lights and the details like their collection of souvenir mugs.
- The variety in dogs is cool, with four to choose from, each of a different breed, personality, boosted stat, and backstory.
Neutral:
- The main focus is on the dog care rather than the romance for sure, so YMMV on whether that's a good or bad thing. I'm personally playing dating sims for the relationships and characters rather than the 'management sim'-esque aspect this has, so it wasn't the way I'd have preferred.
- The humour reminded me of Dream Daddy. Whether that's a plus or minus is subjective. For me, it was a minus; that kind of relentless, in-your-face goofiness that gets overplayed fast and makes it hard to take the game's attempts at heavier subject matter seriously.
Negatives:
- Why. Why. Why. Why isn't there a 'skip read text' button? Not only is that a mainstay feature of visual novels for a reason, I'd go as far as to say it's an essential one. The lack of one is the major reason behind why I'm not continuing with the other routes - I am absolutely not sitting here manually clicking through the entire story over again for the minute-long scenes you get with specific characters every so often.
- Dog events happen way too often. Like, within the span of about twenty seconds, I had to continuously stop progressing the story to comfort my cowering dog, then to pull it back from running away, then to pull it back from digging in the ground, then to pick up its poop. Begging you to let me read the damn dialogue.
- Continuing from the above, the randomised factor of when dog events trigger completely messes with the dating sim/emotional story beat aspect of the game. You'll be having your first kiss with your love interest or discussing their childhood trauma and your dog will be farting and taking shits that you have to stop to pick up. Is it funny to mention when you're not actively having it happen to you? Yes. Does it completely ruin it? Yes.
- Typos and spelling mistakes littered throughout the game; not frequently at all, but I noticed a fair few like "and" instead of "a", "through" instead of "throw", etc.
- When you're texting characters on your phone, the text speed of your replies is agonisingly slow and non-adjustable. With the main dialogue speed being adjustable in the settings menu, I don't know why this wasn't also affected by that toggle; no one wants to sit there and watch responses get typed out at less than one word per second for a whole conversation.
- Randomly tone shifts from cute slice-of-life in a utopia-esque town where everything is perfect to you getting violently robbed and knocked unconscious in the street out of nowhere. Huh? Huh???? Pick a vibe.
- The first scene on the bus leads you to think that the game is fully voice-acted, but as soon as the intro's over it shifts into only random noises and catchphrases being said out loud. They're incredibly repetitive and sometimes out-of-place, so I ended up just turning voice acting off.
Another negative point that is exclusive to Sacha's route is the handling of the trans themes. During his route, you meet his roommate who mentions Sacha's transition in front of you, and then the entire game grinds to a halt to force you to have a discussion about it. It was already obvious to me that Sacha was trans and I didn't really feel the need to question him about what his roommate meant by 'transition', because... I knew what he meant. So when given the dialogue options "Transition?" and something unrelated, I went with the unrelated one to progress the conversation, only for it to loop back around and force me to pick "Transition?" anyway. Sacha then acts shocked because "I thought you knew!" (I did), you ask him if his roommate was allowed to disclose that, and then all three of you sit down to have a PSA meeting about how you should never out someone without their consent but that it was okay for the roommate to do it in this instance because he had pre-received permission and Sacha isn't stealth but that in any other circumstance this would be bad and you should learn from this information. Later, you're also forced to confront Sacha's transphobic family and discuss his gender there too.
Throughout all of this, there is no option to say that you/your character is also transgender, despite the fact that you can choose a gender-nonconforming appearance and use they/them pronouns. You just have to stand there asking what a "transition" is like an idiot and have these characters explain surface-level facts about being trans to you.
I understand why it was put there - as a way to educate cis people - but it was clumsy and ground the whole game to a halt, and when you already know these things, it feels incredibly patronising to have to get 'taught' them by this game, especially with the sort of "You should never ever give away anyone's personal information without their permission!" tone it uses like you're a child at an internet safety lecture.
2007
Very short and more of a tech demo or proof of concept for its later sequel, but obviously massively impactful on gaming as a whole and on gaming culture. Initial dawning realisation that GLaDOS is sentient and malevolent, and when you first escape the boundaries of the testing chamber, were amazing.
I'll never understand why lines like "The cake is a lie" became the over-memed repeated jokes when there are infinitely funnier and cleverer pieces of dialogue in this game, but so it goes.
I'll never understand why lines like "The cake is a lie" became the over-memed repeated jokes when there are infinitely funnier and cleverer pieces of dialogue in this game, but so it goes.
GRAPHICS: Genuinely gorgeous. The world, the creature designs, Alice (the hair physics!), the fact that her appearance and outfit changes depending on the chapter you're in to better match the area around you (a mermaid-esque dress for the Deluded Depths, a dark steampunk look for the Hatter's Domain, a soft floral outfit for the Mysterious East), it's all beautiful - even if that beauty is sometimes a very twisted brand of it. The additional outfits are wonderful, too - I personally love the Late But Lucky, Cheshire, and Hattress dresses (she has cogs for pupils!). The Vale of Tears is beautiful, especially in the moments before the game begins to pull out the darker stuff, and the Cardbridge genuinely took my breath away.
CHARACTERS: The game mostly focuses on Alice (who is great by herself - I've read a fair number of essays on how important her character and how her mental health/story was handled were), but there are some fascinating and well-conceptualised supporting characters too. The Cheshire Cat has always been a favourite, as has his appearance, the Carpenter is always fun to get to again on replays, and the Queen of Hearts is beautifully designed. The main antagonist is appropriately sinister and ominous.
DIALOGUE/VOICE ACTING: I thought the voice acting was pretty good, and everyone's approaches to their lines fit well with the tone of the game. Alice's voice is sharp and she hits the emotional beats pretty well, and the Cheshire Cat and Bumby are stand-outs.
PLOT: It's dark and potentially upsetting for younger players, but I got into this game at 11-12 and loved it, so your mileage may vary. It weaves between twisted and dreamlike while in Wonderland to depressingly realistic while in London or when confronting Alice's mental state.
GAMEPLAY: Platformers aren't usually my thing, but I really enjoyed the platforming in this game. The different worlds keep everything varied and interesting, and there are always different things to keep you on your toes - you're platforming over dominoes in Vale of Tears, giant cogs and steam jets in Hatter's Domain, paper fans in the Mysterious East, floating playing cards in the Cardbridge, etc. The combat is fun enough, with a variety of different and interesting weapons to unlock along the way, and I found myself having to be pretty strategic about when to dodge and when to attack and when to back off, so it wasn't just mindless slashing.
MULTIPLAYER: None.
Favourite Male Character: The Cheshire Cat ...does he count as male?
Favourite Female Character: Alice
First Character I Liked: Alice
Favourite Character Design: The Cheshire Cat
Favourite Moment: Either floating down into Wonderland for the first time, the first time entering Cardbridge, or the train station scene at the end
Favourite OST: Vale of Tears, Jack Splatter, Radcliffe's Fate
Least Favourite Character: Bumby
CHARACTERS: The game mostly focuses on Alice (who is great by herself - I've read a fair number of essays on how important her character and how her mental health/story was handled were), but there are some fascinating and well-conceptualised supporting characters too. The Cheshire Cat has always been a favourite, as has his appearance, the Carpenter is always fun to get to again on replays, and the Queen of Hearts is beautifully designed. The main antagonist is appropriately sinister and ominous.
DIALOGUE/VOICE ACTING: I thought the voice acting was pretty good, and everyone's approaches to their lines fit well with the tone of the game. Alice's voice is sharp and she hits the emotional beats pretty well, and the Cheshire Cat and Bumby are stand-outs.
PLOT: It's dark and potentially upsetting for younger players, but I got into this game at 11-12 and loved it, so your mileage may vary. It weaves between twisted and dreamlike while in Wonderland to depressingly realistic while in London or when confronting Alice's mental state.
GAMEPLAY: Platformers aren't usually my thing, but I really enjoyed the platforming in this game. The different worlds keep everything varied and interesting, and there are always different things to keep you on your toes - you're platforming over dominoes in Vale of Tears, giant cogs and steam jets in Hatter's Domain, paper fans in the Mysterious East, floating playing cards in the Cardbridge, etc. The combat is fun enough, with a variety of different and interesting weapons to unlock along the way, and I found myself having to be pretty strategic about when to dodge and when to attack and when to back off, so it wasn't just mindless slashing.
MULTIPLAYER: None.
Favourite Male Character: The Cheshire Cat ...does he count as male?
Favourite Female Character: Alice
First Character I Liked: Alice
Favourite Character Design: The Cheshire Cat
Favourite Moment: Either floating down into Wonderland for the first time, the first time entering Cardbridge, or the train station scene at the end
Favourite OST: Vale of Tears, Jack Splatter, Radcliffe's Fate
Least Favourite Character: Bumby
2019
I've played CDLC more times than I can count since it released, and I still love it. My one criticism is that the 'twist' shifts the genre a little too abruptly and can feel out of place - it takes the game from a slice-of-life aristocratic school simulator to a kidnapping mystery with some cartoonishly villainous antagonists - but it's still an excellent game with likable characters and an equally likable setting.