doubel dragon 3 review
ookay so think of like. fucjking, the worst beatemup you can think of. if your anwser was double dragon 3 (or clfifhanger ) you' re probably right on t arget becaus;e i dont know fuck how this was put in arcade cabniets and then on store shelv,es. the arcade game uses like microtransations and shit to get ex;tra lives and better abilities and more health and all that kidn of stuff and its like ok i think these should be by default already it's alkready piss hard and hit detection almost feels random and everyone takes a biollion years to kill. its completely ridiculus and actually just feels like dog ashit all around its only 5 levels olong but it feels like it was designed by aliens i dont fuckig get it its like unacceptabel arcade games are already quarter muncher bullhshit but this is extortion thi sis like obscene dude gheyre not even trying to hide it
i played the genesuis version so i didnt have to deal with the microntransactions but all the other problems are still present its just a completely terible experience and it p[sises me off immensely .dougle dragon 3 is a complete waste of time and air and i played it bc i thought it wuold be funny and it wasn;t particularly at all i was just kind of wowed by how bad it is you should not try it im going to go to asleep now
ookay so think of like. fucjking, the worst beatemup you can think of. if your anwser was double dragon 3 (or clfifhanger ) you' re probably right on t arget becaus;e i dont know fuck how this was put in arcade cabniets and then on store shelv,es. the arcade game uses like microtransations and shit to get ex;tra lives and better abilities and more health and all that kidn of stuff and its like ok i think these should be by default already it's alkready piss hard and hit detection almost feels random and everyone takes a biollion years to kill. its completely ridiculus and actually just feels like dog ashit all around its only 5 levels olong but it feels like it was designed by aliens i dont fuckig get it its like unacceptabel arcade games are already quarter muncher bullhshit but this is extortion thi sis like obscene dude gheyre not even trying to hide it
i played the genesuis version so i didnt have to deal with the microntransactions but all the other problems are still present its just a completely terible experience and it p[sises me off immensely .dougle dragon 3 is a complete waste of time and air and i played it bc i thought it wuold be funny and it wasn;t particularly at all i was just kind of wowed by how bad it is you should not try it im going to go to asleep now
2015
First gave this a whirl in January or so, but because I am stupid I didn't know the game was not autosaving so I just lost all my progress on reopening it. It's a short ass game, so getting back there was like really easy when I actually decided to, but for a while I didn't really have the motivation.
Hylics is incredibly easy, which I definitely welcome with open arms after playing a slew of much harder older games, but it also feels kind of barebones in the gameplay department as well. It has hardly any real story or unique mechanics, but it's also like only 2-3 hours long so I suppose that never really starts grating on you.
The real star of the show here is the presentation, which is completely insane. All throughout it has a surreal, feverish, maybe even sickly feel to it. It walks the line between relaxing and depressing. Every enemy and NPC looks deeply uncanny, the music is half-awake, and a lot of objects and enemies just melt into goo when you interact with them. It's incredibly strange, it kind of carries this game to the moon and back, and I don't think I've seen anything like it really.
I think this is worth a purchase. It's a very short experience, but an even more intriguing one, and I can see it lingering in my head for a solid while. Would definitely recommend if you're looking for something more laid back.
Hylics is incredibly easy, which I definitely welcome with open arms after playing a slew of much harder older games, but it also feels kind of barebones in the gameplay department as well. It has hardly any real story or unique mechanics, but it's also like only 2-3 hours long so I suppose that never really starts grating on you.
The real star of the show here is the presentation, which is completely insane. All throughout it has a surreal, feverish, maybe even sickly feel to it. It walks the line between relaxing and depressing. Every enemy and NPC looks deeply uncanny, the music is half-awake, and a lot of objects and enemies just melt into goo when you interact with them. It's incredibly strange, it kind of carries this game to the moon and back, and I don't think I've seen anything like it really.
I think this is worth a purchase. It's a very short experience, but an even more intriguing one, and I can see it lingering in my head for a solid while. Would definitely recommend if you're looking for something more laid back.
1996
I preferred this one over the first game this time, if only by a little. It has a totally different atmosphere, which is quite refreshing and a pretty great decision rather than rehashing the original's. Power ups and transformations are a lot better here as well, Vectorman himself has a bit more personality here, and level design is generally improved.
Screen crunch is still pretty bad though, especially when exploring around to regain health or get health upgrades. They're a real chore to find in both games, definitely my least favorite aspect of both, and you kind of need them lest the subpar damage spongey bosses get the drop on you. Sometimes you'll just find health upgrades while going around normally, but other times they're really out of the way like in Magma P.I. and Recycle or Die. There are time limits as well, which are actually super lenient but they still give off that feeling of looming over you.
I think this game was put out before it was completely done, so that it wouldn't release in 1997 when the console was basically dead except for some brief Majesco nonsense. There are lots of things about it regarding the presentation that just feel like placeholders. For example the game over screen is followed by the credits for some reason, and the final boss is completely uninteresting and only really has one or two attacks while staying in place. The ending is just completely perplexing. It's hilariously poor on its own, but have you compared it to the opening cutscene before? Or the title screen? Think about that contrast, and that's what I'm talking about here. There's zero way that wasn't meant to be replaced with something better.
Both of these games have big shortcomings but I generally still enjoy them a decent amount, and they definitely kick the shit out of those earlier Jurassic Park games by the same people. The Genesis seems to have a lot of pretty poor releases in its final years, and I'm happy to see this is an exception. Still, I have to wonder how all these Blue Sky games have these same screen crunch issues. How do they do things over there for it to be such a recurring issue?
Screen crunch is still pretty bad though, especially when exploring around to regain health or get health upgrades. They're a real chore to find in both games, definitely my least favorite aspect of both, and you kind of need them lest the subpar damage spongey bosses get the drop on you. Sometimes you'll just find health upgrades while going around normally, but other times they're really out of the way like in Magma P.I. and Recycle or Die. There are time limits as well, which are actually super lenient but they still give off that feeling of looming over you.
I think this game was put out before it was completely done, so that it wouldn't release in 1997 when the console was basically dead except for some brief Majesco nonsense. There are lots of things about it regarding the presentation that just feel like placeholders. For example the game over screen is followed by the credits for some reason, and the final boss is completely uninteresting and only really has one or two attacks while staying in place. The ending is just completely perplexing. It's hilariously poor on its own, but have you compared it to the opening cutscene before? Or the title screen? Think about that contrast, and that's what I'm talking about here. There's zero way that wasn't meant to be replaced with something better.
Both of these games have big shortcomings but I generally still enjoy them a decent amount, and they definitely kick the shit out of those earlier Jurassic Park games by the same people. The Genesis seems to have a lot of pretty poor releases in its final years, and I'm happy to see this is an exception. Still, I have to wonder how all these Blue Sky games have these same screen crunch issues. How do they do things over there for it to be such a recurring issue?
1995
Recently I played through Jurassic Park Rampage Edition and Spider-Man: Web of Fire, also by Blue Sky. They're honestly pretty bad, mostly due to screen crunch and bad level design mixed together. When I thought about it though, I remembered that being an issue in these two games as well despite liking them before. Figured I would revisit them to see if my opinion has changed significantly.
Well, it didn't grow off as much as I expected it to. It has the same problems as the aforementioned two games but a big difference is it's actually decently fun at its core. Presentation also bumps this up a good amount, there's lots of really incredible lighting going on all throughout, most notably in Arctic Ridge and Nightscape. It reuses the first level's assets a lot of times for some reason, which is kind of weird, but with new and exciting backgrounds to mostly make up for it. I really like looking at this game, and I'm quite glad replaying it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be.
One thing I really don't care for though is these very brief stages such as Metalhead and Rock 'n Roller, which despite being really simple once you know what you're doing are at first very unintuitive and weird. It would be nicer probably to have them go on a bit longer but starting with some new smaller enemies or something to ease you in a bit, instead of throwing you right into a big menacing guy who plows through your health.
Also, Warhead is way too easy of a final boss? I kind of just fiddled about this time and he was dead before I had lost any lives. The boss two stages prior is a lot more difficult and frustrating. I'm not sure which of these two is a bigger issue, maybe they're both just not very good bosses.
Well, it didn't grow off as much as I expected it to. It has the same problems as the aforementioned two games but a big difference is it's actually decently fun at its core. Presentation also bumps this up a good amount, there's lots of really incredible lighting going on all throughout, most notably in Arctic Ridge and Nightscape. It reuses the first level's assets a lot of times for some reason, which is kind of weird, but with new and exciting backgrounds to mostly make up for it. I really like looking at this game, and I'm quite glad replaying it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be.
One thing I really don't care for though is these very brief stages such as Metalhead and Rock 'n Roller, which despite being really simple once you know what you're doing are at first very unintuitive and weird. It would be nicer probably to have them go on a bit longer but starting with some new smaller enemies or something to ease you in a bit, instead of throwing you right into a big menacing guy who plows through your health.
Also, Warhead is way too easy of a final boss? I kind of just fiddled about this time and he was dead before I had lost any lives. The boss two stages prior is a lot more difficult and frustrating. I'm not sure which of these two is a bigger issue, maybe they're both just not very good bosses.
Definitely the best of the PC-98 installments, but it's not really a surprise. There are four characters to play as here, but I stick with either Marisa because she's my favorite or Reimu because she's a bit easier to play as. One thing i noticed here is it's pretty easy compared to the other ones I played so far, except maybe Lotus Land Story. I'd say those are good starts but also they're piss and shit to find nowadays :<
how
I played Sparkster (the SNES one, not 2) before this, and I'm not too sure which I prefer. I thought this was more fun and had a bit less screen crunch, but Sparkster looks way better and has better music. Either way, both are really fucking good. I wonder if Sparkster would have caught on like Mario and Sonic had he not debuted during a slew of unrelated mediocre ripoffs of the latter, like Bubsy and Awesome Possum. Probably not, but it's interesting to think about.
1995
Earthworm Jim 2 shows tremendous improvements made over the original in just a year's time. I think I can safely say pretty much everything is better here, but most notably the level design. Gone is that awful labyrinthian feel of the first game, this time they're both a bit smaller and a lot more obvious on where to go. I don't really have any complaints with the main gameplay, really.
The four non-platformer stages, though, are kind of miserable. Three different stages of Puppy Love is an incredibly poor decision, it would either work better as bonus stages or only showing up once. The humor on display in those segments is weirdly morbid as well, and doesn't really line up with the rest of the game's humor, and kind of sucks? I don't know, basically to sum it up there's nothing really I care for about those levels. The flying stage is pretty awfully designed as well, what with the enemies and the way the bomb seems to always go the exact opposite direction of what you want.
I think in Shiny Entertainment's quest to make this one more gimmicky than the previous installment, it created some much higher highs but also a handful of duds. Thoroughly a more enjoyable experience though, by actually quite a lot. You probably still should not spend money on it though and instead kick Doug Tennapel down infinite stairs. Maybe Tommy Tallarico too for good measure
The four non-platformer stages, though, are kind of miserable. Three different stages of Puppy Love is an incredibly poor decision, it would either work better as bonus stages or only showing up once. The humor on display in those segments is weirdly morbid as well, and doesn't really line up with the rest of the game's humor, and kind of sucks? I don't know, basically to sum it up there's nothing really I care for about those levels. The flying stage is pretty awfully designed as well, what with the enemies and the way the bomb seems to always go the exact opposite direction of what you want.
I think in Shiny Entertainment's quest to make this one more gimmicky than the previous installment, it created some much higher highs but also a handful of duds. Thoroughly a more enjoyable experience though, by actually quite a lot. You probably still should not spend money on it though and instead kick Doug Tennapel down infinite stairs. Maybe Tommy Tallarico too for good measure
1989
There were a couple more launch titles for the Genesis when it hit the stores in North America in August 1989. In addition to the three JP launch titles, we also got:
-Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle (i think?)
-Thunder Force II
-Tommy Lasorda Baseball
-Last Battle
Now I don't really give a rat's ass about baseball video games, but I wanted to see all the launch titles nonetheless so I picked this up last night. It's some goofy localization of a Fist of the North Star game, where Ken for example is renamed "Aarzak". That kind of shit. I don't know what the deal with that type of stuff is, if I was Sega of America and I assumed kids don't know Fist of the North Star I would just not change anything and teach them what it is through the game instead of giving everyone generic fantasy nonsense names.
Yknow a game that sucks ass? This one. It plays pretty similarly to Altered Beast or Ninja Warriors, if they were crap, had annoying maze levels thrown in, gave you one life and no continues, and put a branching world map where you have to replay every level you scroll over. Replaying them is actually required sometimes to get across, it's immensely tedious and I really don't know what they were thinking there. Or with any of this, really. It's probably a worse launch title than Super Thunder Blade, which is kind of saying something. At least that one has some comedic value.
-Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle (i think?)
-Thunder Force II
-Tommy Lasorda Baseball
-Last Battle
Now I don't really give a rat's ass about baseball video games, but I wanted to see all the launch titles nonetheless so I picked this up last night. It's some goofy localization of a Fist of the North Star game, where Ken for example is renamed "Aarzak". That kind of shit. I don't know what the deal with that type of stuff is, if I was Sega of America and I assumed kids don't know Fist of the North Star I would just not change anything and teach them what it is through the game instead of giving everyone generic fantasy nonsense names.
Yknow a game that sucks ass? This one. It plays pretty similarly to Altered Beast or Ninja Warriors, if they were crap, had annoying maze levels thrown in, gave you one life and no continues, and put a branching world map where you have to replay every level you scroll over. Replaying them is actually required sometimes to get across, it's immensely tedious and I really don't know what they were thinking there. Or with any of this, really. It's probably a worse launch title than Super Thunder Blade, which is kind of saying something. At least that one has some comedic value.
1988
The Mega Drive launch titles are very strange. They have this drab and sad sound to them, and it really carries over into how this game looks as well. It's a weirdly miserable game, but it's not shit or anything, just very mid. Out of the three launch titles, Space Harrier II is slightly better, but both triumph over Super Thunder Blade very considerably. Super Thunder Blade is a complete joke both in general and as an actual one between friends and I need to talk about it some time.
Basically no thoughts changed on this revisit, so I decided to check out the arcade version as well. It's still drab and tedious. Gootbye
Basically no thoughts changed on this revisit, so I decided to check out the arcade version as well. It's still drab and tedious. Gootbye
1989
DJ Boy is a rather...archaic beatemup, to put it nicely. If you want to beat the tar out of racial caricatures and other gross stereotypes then this is for you. There's really nothing else of note even, it's just a very average game that happens to be very dated. Why do the first and last bosses have those big eyes and wide red lips? Where did that whole thing even come from? Have you never seen a black person before?
The Genesis version includes art at the end of levels, so you get to see the stark contast between a rather cutesy-looking DJ and a few of the aforementioned gross stereotypes (for example, https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FVAdECgWUAI34_s?format=png&name=900x900). It's very weird and unpleasant. Did people even laugh at this back then?
The Genesis version includes art at the end of levels, so you get to see the stark contast between a rather cutesy-looking DJ and a few of the aforementioned gross stereotypes (for example, https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FVAdECgWUAI34_s?format=png&name=900x900). It's very weird and unpleasant. Did people even laugh at this back then?
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle gets a lot of flack, and I would not argue it isn't deserved, but 1) I have a soft spot as mentioned before, and 2) this installment in particular completely triumphs it in stupidity, and the few other games in the series really don't sound promising either.
Well the title is entirely misleading right off the bat, "High Tech World" is actually just some arcade Alex here is absolutely dying to visit before it closes at, uh, 5 for some reason. You're actually going to be spending most of the game in your goofy ass designed house, playing completely obtuse guessing games and being sent right back to the start by various non threats. There are passwords in the game, but the first one you get is after this segment, so tough shit if you mess up here! Lovely! If you come through, there's actual platforming and enemies and all that jazz afterwards, but it sucks ass as well. There are always these ninjas hopping around and throwing shit at you constantly, and they leave little to no room for error whatsoever. I'm honestly not sure which segment I prefer less.
After that, there's more guessing bullshit in some town (which does not contain the arcade), then more bad platforming, and the game's over. "High Tech World" seems to only have one arcade machine front and center. Alex seems satisfied, but I would be fucking pissed if I went through all that trouble to get to such a lousy arcade. I feel like I wasted my damn time. Imagine if Sega went all the way with this lad instead of Sonic. They would totally eat shit.
Well the title is entirely misleading right off the bat, "High Tech World" is actually just some arcade Alex here is absolutely dying to visit before it closes at, uh, 5 for some reason. You're actually going to be spending most of the game in your goofy ass designed house, playing completely obtuse guessing games and being sent right back to the start by various non threats. There are passwords in the game, but the first one you get is after this segment, so tough shit if you mess up here! Lovely! If you come through, there's actual platforming and enemies and all that jazz afterwards, but it sucks ass as well. There are always these ninjas hopping around and throwing shit at you constantly, and they leave little to no room for error whatsoever. I'm honestly not sure which segment I prefer less.
After that, there's more guessing bullshit in some town (which does not contain the arcade), then more bad platforming, and the game's over. "High Tech World" seems to only have one arcade machine front and center. Alex seems satisfied, but I would be fucking pissed if I went through all that trouble to get to such a lousy arcade. I feel like I wasted my damn time. Imagine if Sega went all the way with this lad instead of Sonic. They would totally eat shit.
blue sky software developers when asked to make good level design that isn't horribly plagued by screen crunch (They all collapsed and died)
Played it again today bc i was trying to do Alex Kidd in High Tech World in a vc but I got FUCKINGE PISSED OFF and popped this in instead. When I posted this review a couple weeks ago it got No Likes so im just going to change that over to a shitpost and copy paste it to this playthrough so you will give me attention
This game is dogass. Alex controls like he covered himself in oil, his attacks have very small range and windows, he dies in one hit from everything, dying on level 10 sends you back to level 9, the final level is a tedious and boring maze that takes up half the game's runtime, the music is grating, the story is a joke, and the rock-paper-scissors gimmick is silly as hell and reduces the boss fights to what seems like RNG without savestates.
But also? I have a soft spot for it, very much so. Back when I actually physically owned that Genesis compilation for the PS3, when I was like 10 years old or so, it was one of the only games I could complete that wasn't Sonic. And I played it a lot, for some reason! When i was a dumbass kid I quite liked how it looked and played and sounded, and I guess I just didn't know any better? Yet even now a part of me still clings onto it a tiny bit because nostalgia and memories are a hell of a drug.
This game is dogass. Alex controls like he covered himself in oil, his attacks have very small range and windows, he dies in one hit from everything, dying on level 10 sends you back to level 9, the final level is a tedious and boring maze that takes up half the game's runtime, the music is grating, the story is a joke, and the rock-paper-scissors gimmick is silly as hell and reduces the boss fights to what seems like RNG without savestates.
But also? I have a soft spot for it, very much so. Back when I actually physically owned that Genesis compilation for the PS3, when I was like 10 years old or so, it was one of the only games I could complete that wasn't Sonic. And I played it a lot, for some reason! When i was a dumbass kid I quite liked how it looked and played and sounded, and I guess I just didn't know any better? Yet even now a part of me still clings onto it a tiny bit because nostalgia and memories are a hell of a drug.
1992
This game always feels like it's really asking too much out of me, and the sloppy controls don't help matters at all. It begins to feel like busywork pretty quickly. I haven't opened it in a good while and don't really feel like doing so any time soon so yeah, shelved. At least this version doesn't seem to have time limits, I guess?