LIKE A DRAGON GAIDEN: THE MAN WHO WAS BASED

This somehow feels like a return to form even though this series has been at its peak since Yakuza 0. Maybe it was cause I really didn't like Lost Judgment...huh.

Anyways, Ki- uh I mean Joryu Jazuma (that's his actual full name in this game) feels excellent to play as. The substories are excellent as usual. You know how this works!

It's downright hilarious whenever a character calls Joryu Jazuma by another name and he has to awkwardly go "uh....no that's not me...". It keeps happening, why does it keep happening? Surely this could've been avoided.

The Man Who Erased His Name spends a lot of this game being reminded that he didn't really erase his name, but they do call him based, which he is. He's The Man Who Was Based.

Uh I'm kind of waffling right now but the game has some excellent Joryu moments that made me laugh a lot and the final boss was surprisingly well executed despite my misgivings. It had everything I liked about Yakuza 5's final boss without all the stuff that sucked.

The game also surprisingly has one of the best final scenes in the entire series, that alone makes me want to rate this game unreasonably high, but for now it gets to be a 4/5, gotta keep a cool head for Joryu Jazuma, ya know?

LIKE A DRAGON GAIDEN: THE MAN WHO GOODED HIS GAME

There's so much fucking JUICE in this one and my literal only issues with it stem from it being a gaiden - the story therefore feeling kinda inconsequential through no fault of its own and the story also being kinda retarded at points because its built off a retarded plotpoint from Yakuza 6. What can you do?

The way they actually play it out is great, cinematic and beautiful as always, just don't stop for too long or you might think about how it doesn't really add up. Every time Joryu denies being Kiryu I start laughing and clapping in my seat, eventually transferring the claps to my thighs as I through my head back to cackle hysterically and stim myself into ecstasy. It takes me about 5 minutes to calm down. He's Joryu Jazuma.

Combat? Juice. Minigames? Juice. Cinematics? Juice. Characters? Juice. Cringekino? Juice, from concentrate. I'm beginning to feel like a ryu ga gotoku. If this is any indicator of the level of quality in Infinite Wealth my balls will explode in a few months.

Future Redeemed has its fair share of messy storytelling, but overall it left me satisfied as the true conclusion to the first Xenoblade Trilogy, practically doing everything I felt was missing from Xenoblade Chronicles 3 (which is a good thing??)

The music and locations are obviously great, it's Xenoblade.

The cast overall is great, much like the cast of 1 and 3. Matthew ended up possibly being one of my favourite Xenoblade characters by the time I hit the credits and both new faces and old made for an excellent party of wisened veterans and curious newcomers in a way that thematically compliments the base game.

The whole thing coming to an end made me feel wistful yet optimistic, Future Redeemed said goodbye in a way none of the previous entries of the game did and I'm left feeling like a fool for missing them, knowing full well that the entire series wants the player to look to the future.

Also where's Xenoblade Chronicles X-2 huh?? You can't hide from it anymore Tetsuya Takahashi, me and the 10 other people on the planet earth who care about Xenoblade Chronicles X are going to be spamming your inbox until we get Xenoblade Chronicles X-2, for the Switch 2, announced on the next Nintendo Direct. It's going to happen. Port Xenoblade Chronicles X to the Switch while you're at it.

And you BETTER bring back Hiroyuki Sawano dude. The future of X would be nothing without his stupid music. I NEED a bigger gun

THEY MADE CHULIP FOR CHILDREN

Wait...this came out before Chulip . . . ? No no no that doesn't make any...

I'm glad I got to play a Chuliplike that was made for idiot babies such as myself. I got to finally appreciate a lot of the qualities that I liked about Chulip without getting broken down by its mercilessly hardcore PS2 game nature.

when i first saw the reviews coming out that this game was "clean and flawless" i knew none of the reviewers had actually played this (or any larian game) to the end - in fact, if larian had indeed managed to make a "clean" game, i'd probably not play it, for it would mean the original devs had been replaced by shapeshifting ghouls

for the record, gameplay wise this is more of a divinity original sin 3 than it is a baldurs gate - no one will ever complain about this, as it is better, so i took it upon myself just to make sure we dont forget

the plot is like... okay... but it feels a lot like it only exists to make character writing happen, which i guess is pretty much what d&d is, so you can take that however you want - in a vacuum looking at just the "main plot" it is kinda ass in many ways though

a larian game also means the first 20 hours will by far be the most enjoyable because you have yet to curse your save with the weight of a trillion bugged items, unfinishable quests, deadend state npcs and missed triggers, and this is totally fine as your autistic minmaxxing cheevohunting completionist brain is forced to come to terms with the fact that the perfect playthrough isnt really possible

the amount of people into astarion is extremely alarming - personally i caused him great grief whenever i was able to (this is considered lawful good). dont try to defend him either, i wont cast speak to animals to understand you losers

this is about as good as D:OS2 - as dirty as ever, made in belgium - crooked dice, combat bugs and everything else you could want from a larian crpg

If Mom catches me playing this insted of cleaning my room... I'm DEAD!!!!

For a sunday afternoon comfy blanket rain outside chocolate nice and warm nap time warm milk and bedtime story game, it's pretty good

When the first staff cat in the credits I laid eyes upon was called "Thanos" I was not surprised.

I don't want to cum on or in Bayonetta.

Mr. Platinum, CEO: "Alright Kamiya, but if we buy the rights to Fly Me To The Moon, you better make sure to use it"
Kamiya "Scorecel" Hideki, smiling deviously and winking with both eyes: "Sir, that won't be an issue"

Bayonetta is a Devil May Sonic Like where one man put in 5000 action game experiments and hit on about 3000 of them. You will have to swallow the remaining 2000.

In Bayonetta, you fight by clutching the controller as if it had no buttons and hope the wet noodle slopping around on screen does the combo you had in your brain. For all you know, the controller isn't connected to the console, but to a display in another room where another guy is putting in inputs to control the character on your console. For some reason Kamiya wanted it to feel like this, as he famously hates feeling good.

If you're a bit of an arcadegoon, a combofreak or in your medal era, this might be the better DMC. For everyone else, it's the PS3 DMC that doesn't have Nero.

My life was changed by all this washing. I've understood so much about myself. I know where my path lies, and what struggles I must fight to get there. I know what my purpose is now.

Steven Spielberg once allegedly said "I think the real indicator that games have become a storytelling art form will be when somebody confesses that they cried at level 17."

Steven Spielberg had clearly not played PowerWash Simulator.

Join us for another exciting episode of Dame Dame as Kiryu finally takes on his biggest enemy, Sex Ed (not to be confused with Chinese Ed)

At first controlling Kiryu feels a bit like controlling a truck with a wiimote, but with a few skillpoints and some practice the combat gets very satisfying - as long as you're fighting at least 20 enemies

Triadkino, boatslop, familykino