the story of two rich people unknowingly hiring the same demolition guy to fuck with the other guy and never figuring it out literally sounds like something a classic genesis song off nursery cryme

the game can get a little long in the tooth during part 2 but its still very fun to figure out the best possible route and finally nail one of your runs. the handful of missions that didn't have timed escapes were nice breathers at first but as time went on, they started to outnumber the former and throw off the balance between the mission types.

most of the fun of the game comes from, like I said, using tools to creatively discover the optimal route to travel throughout the map to achieve your goal under a certain time limit. everything seems to be designed around movement and it makes sense. however, when they start throwing more and more stealth missions at you, it doesn't gel quite as well. what always happens when you incorporate stealth into a non-stealth game, always, is that it never feels natural due to the game not being designed for that from the beginning. you don't have any camo, a radar, tools to disable technology, items to cause a distraction, stuff like that. the robots can be fun to fuck with if you blow up stairs and other ways they can reach you, but these missions still end up being more of a chore than a reward or a break from the usual timed escapes the more they pop up.

on paper, i love this. an igavania that pulls even more inspiration from simon's quest which i thought was actually a pretty cool game with some annoying flaws sounds extremely up my alley. in practice, it ends up being somewhat messy and doesn't really showcase the best of either style.

I loved the first few hours of the game. the environments were unique and engaging, the glyph system seemed to have potential (even if everything post-aria still basically used the soul system but just tweaked a little bit), and I was looking forward to how the town would be utilized. the story seemed to be kinda boiler plate for castlevania but that's never a dealbreaker. unfortunately, after the skeleton cave, the world begins to feel smaller and less exciting.

while im not opposed to having smaller chunks of levels, castlevania's signature movement ability upgrades that expand the world have essentially zero purpose outside of mandatory linear progression or a few hidden chests. there aren't chunks of levels to unlock and explore in previous locations with new glyphs. this makes these small maps even smaller, since what you see is pretty much what you get. im not asking for 15 stages as big as dracula's castle, just for a reason to go back that isn't an item or upgrade being kept one room away.

another moment that really bothered me was tristis pass. i spent a decent amount of time in tymeo mountains, so to see that they just used the same layout as that map but flipped it was annoying. most of the level design was still the same but just with harder enemies, which meant that for all intents and purposes i was just going through the same map again. a really obvious instance of padding that left a bad taste in my mouth.

so like most other igavanias, a good chunk of gameplay is unlocked after preventing the bad ending. this time, we're treated to what might be my least fav dracula's castle. unlike every other entry where the castle feels sprawling and diverse, where every area seems to have a somewhat understandable purpose, ecclesia's castle feels like this was a last minute addition. there's no cohesion and it ends up feeling more like a giant level with different visuals and a few bosses sprinkled throughout than a castle proper. the level design is also really repetitive and basic which only contributes to the "gamey" feeling. im not saying other castle layouts didn't get lazy, but this one seems to reuse the same rooms so many times with minimal to no variation.

are some of these complaints unreasonable considering this is a ds game? maybe. I havent worked for konami in the mid to late 2000s yet so idk if the team wanted to add more but couldn't due to corporate pressure. i DO know that the world ends with you came out a year before this and took up around 3x more space. there was definitely room for more.

with ALL that being said though, the gameplay is still sharp, the story is pretty decent for the franchise, and i thought the rpg elements were fun. I just really wanted to talk about the flaws tbh

I hated this so much it made me re-evaluate my scoring system.

There's no point to Vampire Survivors at all. At least other games I hate like Castlevania Adventure or Metroid 1 have obstacles to overcome, goals to reach and mechanics to master. Vampire Survivors technically has those, but the game essentially plays itself most of the time. All you really do is walk around to level up which lets you kill things a little faster than you did before. Even walking sims, at the VERY least, will usually attempt to convey an emotion or tell a story through some sort of abstract way. I felt absolutely nothing playing Vampire Survivors.

I'm not gonna say it killed my family and pissed on my bed since it's dirt cheap and even free on mobile, but the fact that I'm relieved I didn't even spend $5 for it on PC says a lot. In fact, instead of buying Vampire Survivors, here's just a few games that cost $5 (not on sale) or less that you should buy instead!

DOOM (or DOOM II, or DOOM 64)
Hylics
Plants Vs. Zombies
Super Hexagon
Geometry Dash
Downwell
VVVVVV
and many many more!

I feel like a fucking crazy person seeing the amount of people who fell in love with this. If you want a roguelike, play Gungeon. If you want bullet hell, also play Gungeon. Just play Gungeon.

DK94 is technically and mechanically a lot of fun, but it's absolutely bloated. New obstacles and tools are introduced throughout which does make you think differently, but levels are largely repetitive and rarely serve an actual challenge, even at endgame. Would've definitely rated it higher if they trimmed down half the levels.

Although this seems a little harsh, it's still well worth playing. As long as you play in bursts (like what a handheld puzzle game is usually designed for) you'll no doubt have a good time.