74 Reviews liked by LilShpee


I really wanted to enjoy Sony's vaguely lewdly titled spin on Splatoon. Was hoping all the negativity being spread around for it online was just the result of angry Nintendo fans getting peeved because there's now a cool new take on their once exclusive series out there for people with other consoles to enjoy, à la Palworld. Unfortunately, Foamstars is a genuinely baffling product with some seriously questionable design choices that I feel are going to make it hard for this to build an audience large enough to make its obvious inspiration even remotely nervous.

The game replaces the weird squid-children and ink with, well, foam and... influencers? The most unique thing it brings to the table is elements of your typical hero shooter, where instead of customizing loadouts to determine your playstyle you select from a group of characters at the start of each match with their own skills and abilities. Not a terrible idea. The problem is that it's difficult to fully relish using any of them when the core gunplay is so odd no matter who you go with. Most shoot in this bizarre arcing fashion usually used for throwing grenades pretty much everywhere else. This means you have to determine where your bubbly bullets are going to land in order to effectively hit someone, which can be tough to do in the heat of the moment causing the majority of firefights to devolve into everyone simply spraying and praying they land enough damage to open up opponents for the surfboard slide finishers. The ones who do shoot in a more traditional straight line tend to have significant range issues.

Slightly awkward gameplay isn't necessarily always a deal-breaker though. In fact, I'd say you're more likely to put this down over the general lack of content instead. There are only three match types right now. One of which, a twist on TDM with lives where the final kill has to be against the opposing team's top player, is constantly available while the other two cycle in and out on a confounding hourly rotation. Why the devs would choose to do this I have no idea, but it merely serves to make the offerings of an already fairly meager package feel even slimmer. There are single-player and co-op PvE missions where you defend generators from waves of pathetic enemies who strictly approach from a single direction and typically culminate in a marginally less pathetic boss battle. The latter does contain some value due to the fact that it can be pretty challenging on the hard difficulty setting, yet ultimately isn't enough to keep either inclusion from being altogether dull and entirely skippable.

It's also worth noting the former features super annoying writing to boot. All the dialogue is incredibly juvenile. I don't mean in a crass and crude sort of way, rather that it comes off as aimed at very young children. Quite at odds with the sexual designs of a few of its heroines. The voice acting delivering it might be the strangest part of this entire package. I'm not convinced about half of it isn't AI generated, because there can't seriously be a reality where they found this many individuals who read that unnaturally even on a first take.

Whether this being (currently) kind of, sort of, but not truly or always going to be "free" depends on how much you're bothered by the microtransactions. They are 100% optional and avoidable so there is NO pay-to-win bullcrap going on and therefore cause me to take zero issue with them. That being said, I will mention the price tags are ridiculous, with a lot of bundles costing nearly the same amount as a brand-new released game, and there's the usual irritating seasonal battle pass junk. The freemium mechanics don't stop there, however. In a downright borderline hilarious move, the perks-esque boost loadouts you can equip the roster with are inexplicably randomly generated by a gacha system, mercifully fueled by in-game currency rather than real-world cash. You can't make this stuff up and that may be the sole aspect more unbelievably peculiar than the voice-overs.

Despite everything I've talked about, the multiplayer can still be mindless fun in spurts thanks to the creative modes. At least when you're winning. My personal favorite sees teams split up into two groups, requiring both halves to coordinate while one is in the fight and the other provides support from outside of the arena. The designs of the current cast are also appropriately striking, eye-catching, and cool in spite of the storytelling portraying them as huge dorks. Originally, I was intending to stick around long enough to unlock the complete trophy list. With such a variety of better games out there these days, I simply can't justify wasting any more time on something this mediocre and flawed, or recommend it to anybody else. Certainly not when you have to start paying for it. Psssh, forget that! Square Enix needs to smarten up and backtrack on those plans IMMEDIATELY!

5/10

This is a review exclusively about The Final Draft NG+ mode. There are full spoilers for both the base game and the NG+ ahead.


I'm not gonna beat around the bush, The Final Draft really disappointed me. The main game is a 5/5 for me, whereas this NG+ would at best be a 2/5.
First off, the new content: it's just not enough. Not enough to jusitfy an entire additional playthrough. Starting a new game with all your weapons and everything doesn't change as much about the game as you'd really want it to. I imagine there aren't a lot of people who love this game solely for its gameplay and at the very least I can say it isn't worse in NG+, but it certainly isn't improved. Of course I love the new Darling cutscenes as a massive Control fan - they are easily the best part of this. The new poems added to Saga's story are a joke in comparison.
Secondly, my major gripe with The Final Draft: the new story content. The changed dialogue in general is actually really interesting and just as well written as you'd expect from a Remedy game but the ending just ruins it. The Final Draft adds an extra cutscene taking place right after the main game's ending. That original ending is extremely ambiguous which suits the tone perfectly. Mystery is a huge part of why I love these games, this universe. This additional cutscene does its best to get rid of all ambiguity and just provide the most ideal outcome imaginable. Logan is fine, Saga is fine, Casey is fine, hell even Alan is fine. That one irks me. The last hours of the game are spent between Saga and Alan discussing how for the story to reach its conclusion, the hero must sacrifice themselves. Alan was to be that sacrifice and yet here he is, just fine, better than fine even. He says himself Scratch is gone. Excuse me but what the fuck does that mean? The "Wake is Scratch" twist is genius because it completely recontextualizes all of Scratch's actions - it makes you understand that the things he wanted to achieve don't stem from a place of pure evil. Scratch represents the dark in Alan. The things he doesn't want others to know about and hides even from himself. Scratch is a reflection in a mirror that is a lake that is really an ocean. So I ask again, what does "Scratch is gone" mean? To me it almost reads like Alan is "cured" which is just silly. I hope there is more to it than the literal reading of "the evil is defeated" but I really can't say, all I know is that it felt extremely deflating and underwhelming. The best comparison I could give is Nier: Automata, which also has a very ambiguous very good ending, only to later receive supplemental material that expands on it and by doing that lowers its impact.
I can't say there is an easy way to "fix" The Final Draft. More non story content would certainly be a start. But from a story perspective, I could totally see this being a sendoff to Saga, Alan, and the rest of the characters. If that was the intent, it might be unfair to critisize the new ending for being too positive. I do want these characters to get happy endings. But even then, I feel it should've been handled differently.

This review contains spoilers

This game is a masterpiece, clearly a hidden gem considering how little spotlight it had and how poorly it sold. Really a shame!
Phoenotopia looks amazing, I couldn't help myself but take dozens of screenshots while I was playing. Last time I did that was when I played Gris.

The gameplay is simply fantastic, there are tons of smart interactions in the game design, the puzzles really test your spatial perception: whether it's activating a switch by angling your slingshot the right way, using projectiles to knock moonstones off their platform, piling up boxes and bombs to gain barely enough height to reach a platform, or completing parkour sections full of arrow traps with well synchronized jumps.
The puzzles where you need to play the correct song with your flute gave me Zelda Ocarina of Time vibes. I liked how musical notes were often hidden in the background, and I had to spot them to know what I would need to play with the bandit's flute.
The GEO dungeons especially had really different kinds of puzzles. One time you'll have to solve a jigsaw puzzle, the next time it'll be a sliding picture puzzle, then it will involve switching lights in the correct order. There's even a puzzle similar to sudoku.
The game always managed to hold my attention with all its brainteasers.

Cooking mechanic is based on reaction time, it's simple and engaging. I noticed there was a frying pan on display in the Antique Shop near Daea city, but I never managed to obtain it during my playthrough. I suppose it would have modified the cooking minigame in a certain way?
Btw, I like how we immediatly drop cooked meat when we kill a mob/animal with an explosion (bomb or spear). Pretty cool that they thought about that!

The Gear Ring allows you to quickly switch up between 8 different items, it's always a good thing to have a weapon wheel in any game I play. It's very ergonomic and it saved me a lot of time from navigating through the menus.
And I'm thankful that we can use all our weapons as much as we want, without having to worry about ammo.

It's very satisfying when you struggle while exploring an area for the 1st time, having to use your gear in a clever way, dealing with all the enemies and barely surviving. And then when you revisit the same area later in the game with a new ability, you can make it through in a much simpler way. The abilities that you get for traversal exploration are really game-changing. I was so excited to backtrack everytime I got a new one.

Phoenotopia Awakening is very charming, and has a lot of light-hearted moments. I never got tired of listening to "Merry Fellowship" everytime Gail came back to her hometown after a mission, checking in with her brothers & sisters to see if they're okay. The game even manages to be funny sometimes. For example, when Gail and Fran use the teleporter for the 1st time, and Gail thinks Fran died during the teleportation as she watches the pile of dust on the ground, only for Fran to reappear out of nowhere with a big smile on her face.
The game also managed to do the exact opposite on several occasions. I was very anxious during that moment in EDEN's Lab, when you're quietly exploring the rooms and reading notes about those harpys in their stasis chamber. As you progress, you suddently hear glass breaking, and when you turn around, you notice all the harpys broke out.

Those moments, whether tense or joyful, are always accompanied by excellent music. My personal favorites are "Merry/Mellow Fellowship", "Boss battle", "The White Towers", "Katash's theme", "Wheat Road" and "Caves of Mul".

You can't put markers on a map to remember points of interest. So I had to write down informations on a notepad regularly to not get lost and not forget things like treasure chests, entrances to dungeons, or song stones. There are tons of stuff to do and optional content, so having a quest log and a map available at all times would have been useful, but it was definitely manageable without it.

I loved the last part of the game that consists of 3 Boss fights back-to-back. The first one against Mother Computer was the most challenging fight in the entire game. Then you have this amazing showdown with your own shadows, and finally the duel vs Katash.
I have to say this last battle felt a bit anticlimactic. I had encountered Adam earlier in the lab, and I thought I would have to fight this thing, but instead it was a second duel with Katash.
I'm pretty sure (and I hope) that I will have to fight Adam when I'll come back to this game to get the true ending, and I can't wait for it.

I unlocked the first ending after 60 hours with a completion of 62%. I played enough and I don't want to push myself, so I won't go for 100%. However, I will surely come back to this game in a few months to do some more things. Notably exploring Aurantia, beating Katash' 2nd encounter, and accessing the locked room at the top of Pristine City to fight Phalanx.

I don't know how they did it, but the game was never boring, never frustrating, never too hard, never too easy, never repetitive, never bad. There was the right amount of everything: fights, exploration, puzzles and platforming.
Really, as I said earlier, the only thing that people could have a problem with is that it can be difficult to keep track of everything. But it's really not that big of a deal if you pay attention, and of course if you write things down on a notepad or a piece of paper.

This is why I give this game a perfect score. This is one of the best games I've played this year! I'm still a bit salty that this game is so unknown...

----------Playtime & Completion----------

[Started on September 25th & finished on October 8th 2023]
Playtime: 60 hours
I stopped after getting the first ending, when Gail manages to free all the Phoenix so they can help Humans defend themselves against the alien invasion.
I got a 62% completion.

Man, nothing more me-core than "I should play some gizmondo while waiting for fedex to deliver my CD-i" today. I gotta play all like 12 of the games on that thing before it melts, yanno? Honestly this game has no right being this solid when it's stuck as an exclusive for a console more known for being linked to a mafia than being an actual system for playing games.

It's a physics based puzzle game where you knock balls around billiards-style in order to stick em together. If all of a color is stuck together, it clears out and you get points. Clearing all of the balls on a board takes ya to the next level, it's very arcadey. The depth comes from the fact that you have a limited number of shots, though connecting one loose ball to another of its color gets you your shot back. It's all about observing the board and knowing what the best course of action is for getting clear shots in the right order, and honestly given the solid physics there's a lot of player agency on board. Probably a decent skill ceiling, though I can't imagine many other people have played it enough to really wring out any potential depth here, considering the whole "gizmondo exclusive" thing this game has going on. It makes sense that this game is also so solid too, considering the fact it was made by the Pickford Brothers, of Plok and Wetrix fame. Apparently it was going to be a PSP game but somehow got relegated to the ol mafia. As it happens. I guess it got an iOS port though, so hey! that's something. If you are one of the statistically improbable that has a gizmondo, this is probably in the killer app territory. Which really isn't saying much. The game has a really funny name, too!

Maybe I'll write an actual review some day but here's some quick thoughts:

- The aesthetics are incredible. This game is an artistic achievement, I've never seen anything that looks and feels like it. Amazing touches like the music in the lobby and foyer.
- The gameplay is real damn fun. Getting a good run makes you feel like a god, everything just dies nigh instantly. The main problem is variety: not enough different floor objectives, not enough enemies & bosses, and not enough different color chips. The way the system works where every weapon basically already determines the run since they each have a specific category of power ups they are much more likely to get makes replaying weapons you've already beaten a run with kinda boring.
- The ending is good but frankly, not as good as something like Octo Expansion.
- The music is good too, very different from the rest of the series and I definitely prefer it that way, but again to my ear not as good as Octo.
- The story is fine in isolation but that title ain't lying: Side Order feels like a side mission. If you think about how important to the world of Splatoon the events of Octo Expansion felt and compare that to the events of Side Order, it's hard not to be a bit disappointed. The way it unlocks is pretty strange too: after your first run the story is essentially over but the game leaves many mysteries still open that gradually get answered by doing runs with other weapons. Fine on paper, but even with all of the weapons completed and all of the "lore" read, I still feel Octo had a much stronger impact.

Edit: after lots of mentally going back and forth between 4 and 4.5 stars I think I'll leave it at 4.5. Although this "review" sounds pretty negative it only is because I'm directly comparing it to the pinnacle of Splatoon instead of looking at it in the wider gaming landscape and compared to the other games I've played: yeah this is still leagues above most of them. What can I say, I just like my gay little squid games.

This is gonna go hard in about a year when they release a definitive edition that makes the game less stupid

Peak Splatoon, this is not a full review but just some thoughts that really make it stand out to me as not just the best Splatoon content, but also the best DLC of any game I have ever played. Slight spoilers follow.

Part 1: Worldbuilding
The world of Splatoon is a really neat one. It's just fun to read into and you can tell the devs put a lot of love into it. Octo Expansion blew the doors wide open here. You finally get to see a completely different side to this world; a society existing deep beneath the ocean. And it still boggles my mind just how incredibly, incredibly well portraited that society is simply through the aesthetics and the random NPCs you meet on the subway. These NPCs serve so many purposes at the same time: they exist to liven up the subway, making it feel less lonely. They serve as comedic relief. They allow the designers to go wild and create even more out there, interesting character designs. But most of all, they sell the setting. Through the fact that you can't at all speak to these NPCs, that they exist not for you, not for the story, not for the other NPCs to interact with, but instead for themselves they are perfect. They are just people living in a world you don't fully understand. They don't care about you or your mission to save the world, they're just living their lives, implicitly telling so, so much about the world that simply would not be possible if they acted like other game NPCs and talked to you. You get the feeling they don’t even speak the same language as you, combining this with the general subway aesthetic, creating the image of being on the move, having shit to do, living their own lives independent of the other people here. And all that is just a small part of the worldbuilding Octo Expansion seemingly completely effortlessly is able to pull off. I haven’t even mentioned the liberation of the Octolings, beautifully realized with you finally being able to play as one yourself, thus leaving a permanent mark of your accomplishments on your account and noticeable in the world around you.

Part 2: Aesthetics
I have come to realize that random stuff floating in mid-air is a peak aesthetic choice. It sounds deceptively simple, but all the backdrops of each stage in the Octo Expansion are a marvel to behold. They each feature collages of objects, not randomly thrown together but beautifully crafted to express to the player just the right emotions. Combine that with the best soundtrack in the series and the pure feeling of it all is intense and raw. Add to that the UI, and the level hub: the Deepsea Metro. The UI is clean; easy to read but at the same time has so much style and character. My personal favorite touch is when checking out mem cakes: the game shows a tiny 2D illustration of your manually created Octoling holding the mem cake and looking around. This teeny tiny picture impresses me every time. Of course, for one there is the fact that again, it actually reflects the Octoling you created, not just any random other Octoling. And for two it beautifully illustrates how simple does not equate cheap. These illustrations have a childlike quality to them, with shaky lines and bright colors, but the sheer appeal is immeasurable and that doesn’t just happen by accident. Works of art like these are deceptive in their simplicity, but to get them to feel just right is a massive undertaking. The same applies to the rest of the expansion. I already talked about the extremely strong feelings the subway evokes through its riders, but even without them the mental image it evokes is an insanely strong one. It perfectly carries the overall theme of nostalgia, and I find the exploration of that theme in this DLC to be a really unique one. It neither embellishes, nor decries it. It is content to simply show you these meticulously chosen objects and let you form your own feelings about them. These objects you might have a personal relation to just sort of floating in mid-air, far out of your reach, feels bittersweet. It’s like seeing a picture of an old friend without being able to contact them.

Part 3: Gameplay
Let’s make this one quick: Octo Expansion has the best levels in the series, and a lot of them. I’m not going to spoil anything here, but the buildup to the final battle and the battle itself will forever remain one of if not the single best series highlight. The Octo Expansion also has my absolute favorite boss fight in the series in its secret boss. It’s really obvious why they modeled Splatoon 3’s Hero Mode after the expansion: these levels simply have so much more to them mechanically and difficulty wise than anything prior and frankly, anything since. Splatoon 3’s Hero Mode has good levels, but the overall quality is still better in the Octo Expansion. I also feel the overworld 3 added could have done more for it, but ultimately, I much prefer Octo’s simple grid level selection. The Side Order DLC for Splatoon 3 went in a completely different direction so it’s not really fair to compare it directly to the Octo Expansion, but to put it simple: I still prefer how Octo plays.

Part 4: Conclusion
It’s the best. Simple as. No other single player activity in the series has managed to get as many things so right while being extremely innovative while also still being extremely unique. If you read all of this I honestly just want to say: thank you. Hope you’re enjoying Side Order.

never have i experienced a game that was so bad it actually exhausted me. i was ready to make a long post with every issue i had with the plot/pacing/characters/mysteries but as the last chapter dragged on with its obvious unsubtle twists i realized i would have spent longer writing the post than they spent writing this awful game

Oh. That's crack. That's cocaine crack drugs on the Steam top sellers list.

Takes everything about the first in this series and makes it even better.
It's something you have to play.

Loop8 is a lot like YIIK, in that they're both filled to the brim with such great and fantastic ideas, and yet not a single one is implemented well. The only truly good thing about it are the graphics, which are actually so incredibly pretty. So why am I giving it a good score? Because it's PEAK KUSOGE. Here's a few things worth pointing out:

The combat is slow. Characters move independently of you and love buffing to the point where they almost rarely actually attack. You only fight this one generic orb as a generic enemy and there are no other enemies (aside from bosses). Combat scales depending on how many characters you have with you which means it's actually easier to fight everything alone than taking any party members who'll just waste time buffing everyone. There is no resource management, because you heal to full right as you get to the boss anyway. No items either. An interesting design choice is that bosses will be easier if the person being possessed likes you, but then they make it legitimately impossible if they hate you, meaning you have to loop (more on that later). "Thankfully" only like 2% of your total time is spent actually in combat.

The walking is slow (saving grace being a fast travel system that doesn't work in the mirror world). Every second irl is a minute ingame so time flies by mad fast, making the slow walking even more arduous.

There's barely any story. The game lore dumps at you at the start and then the rest of the game is pure vagueposts.

The characters have such, suuuch potential to be good, which makes it a shame that the game doesn't even bother showing it to you for whatever reason? Like the character will say something super important to their character arc and then it gets swept under the rug and it's never mentioned again. If there's a character growth, that happens off-screen... Most of your time is spent talking to them, skipping their one line, selecting the one suggestion you want to pick, skipping their one line again, get affection, repeat ad infinitum. Not very engaging.

The loop mechanic, while sounding cool, is implemented like butt. You reset the timeline, make everyone you failed to save alive again, except nobody remembers it, INCLUDING your character. Your stats and relationships get reset but you get them back twice as fast, so oh joy, more grinding and repeating dialogue. Speaking of repeating dialogue, EVERY line resets. That one time a character threw a wall of text at you? Gotta fast foward that again, and trust me, that shit PILES ON. Your blessings carry over though, so you don't need to grind as much.

BUT the reason I find it so fun is how accidentally ridiculous it is. Like why does my guy so desperately want to pork his cousin? Why can I date grandma? Why is there an epilogue if you ended up romancing your cousin, that is just her talking for a good 10 minutes with a still image? Why is there a character that will actually give you a game over if you talk to them while they're happy? What the FUCK is Demon Sight???

All in all 8/10 recommended for kusoge enjoyers.

I’m not gonna pretend like this game isn’t bad but it honestly is a game that had serious narrative potential that’s ruined by the developers not seeming to know what they wanted the game to be in the first place. The strongest aspects of this game is when it goes fully in on the surrealist art project vibes and is willing to just show something weird and not have any of the characters give overly detailed reactions to it. I do think that provided the developers can figure out a way to make the gameplay feel less torturous and know when the characters need to just stop talking that they can definitely make a very high quality game that is worth talking about for positive reasons. Maybe I.V will fix things but for now I would just leave the game as sometimes interesting but very very deeply flawed and sometimes even pretty uncomfortable.

This is the best thing to come out of the Prince of Persia series since those badass tie-in Lego sets for the 2010 movie

Shoutout to MLK for giving me the day off when this dropped, he fulfilled my dream

time has told me this was assuredly not it

aged considerably worse than I imagined in most respects except possibly the artstyle

are you really a true hardcore megaman gamer if you don't have blisters on your palm from spinning the c-stick to cast the one good healing spell