NeonManta
1993
Controls aren't very fluid, causing you to take way more hits than you should. That said, it's one of, if not, the best looking game on the NES. Very animated, good soundtrack, and a surprisingly wide spread of copy abilities for the mechanic's introduction.
I prefer the bad ending, tbh
2022
Going into Elden Ring, I have never played a FromSoft game before. As much of a seasoned, experienced, "if you start every new game on easy mode you're a lil' puss-puss" gamer as I am, the Souls series has admittedly intimidated me with their infamous difficulty and barrier to entry. Yeah, anyone CAN play Dark Souls. Anyone with working legs can also run, but that doesn't mean you're going to the Olympics. To get some insight on FromSoft games, I played up to the first boss in Bloodborne and found myself attracted to the combat. I know every Soulslike series from FromSoft has its own unique combat feel, but I could certainly see why fans of the series enjoy the combat so much.
Playing Elden Ring is like playing Breath of the Wild for the first time, right down to them straight up copying the opening of BotW beat for beat, sans getting atomized by a giant multi-limbed crab mutant. Except in Elden Ring, it's like if your first playthrough of BotW was on Master Mode. Make no mistake: Elden Ring is a hard game... some of the time. The difficulty curve of this game is all over the place, helped in part by some areas and bosses allowing you to summon not just co-op players like previous Souls games, but also summons of monsters found in the game, including most infamously, a mirror image of your own self. Any boss that you summon against cuts their difficulty down to baby mode, as split aggro is the kryptonite of every enemy in the game. While your Mimic Tear with a boatload of health soaks up damage, you can swing away carefree behind bosses' asses, be they human or giant sized. Not wanting to bend the game over a bed and spank it relentlessly, I opted not to use summons during bosses. ...Or at least I tried to.
The difficulty curve of this game is made fucked not just by your ability to break it almost whenever you desire, but also because FromSoft straight up did not balance this game in parts. And I'm not referring to difficulty wall moments where the game places a super strong enemy in a place essentially saying "hey, you're not man enough to get into the Salty Spittoon, so go exploring in Weenie Hut Jr.'s until you can get in here." I'm talking about the last third of the game, where despite me being in the level 120-140 range, I was getting one-shot by bosses and even enemies occasionally, because they either did a move/inescapable combo that one shot or chunked 75% of my 2000 HP, or they straight up cheated me out of a win by forcing me to do wonky platforming or pinning me against a wall and glitching me into a corner. You will die a hundred times in Elden Ring, and you will get mad. A few of those times you'll get mad at yourself for choking or greeding on a boss, but a good number of those times you will be mad at the game for having a boss perform an inescapable combo that somehow took your entire health bar, or clawing at your controller wondering when the fuck will the boss stop spazzing out like a frenzied murderous seizure and let you get one attack in without getting hit. It eventually got so bad, I decided I would beat FromSoft at their own game. Any time a boss got too cute with an undodgable attack or FromSoft randomly decided to make the runback to the boss a mile-long jog instead of just putting the checkpoint right outside the boss door like a normal person, I rang the ding-a-ling of death and spitroasted the boss(es) with Mimic Tear. You can say that I cheated, and I would 100% agree with you. But I only ever cheated when Elden Ring cheated first.
Whoever came up with those stone chariots in the mini dungeons deserves to be fired from the company and then fired out of a cannon. There is nothing fun about getting chased by a fast, disjointed hitbox that one shots you and forces you to play hide and seek in little cubbies like its preschool, not to mention sometimes you have to platform around them or while they're chasing you where one slip-up means instant death. Oh yeah, mini dungeons. Another BotW-ism. However, unlike the Shrines, I don't feel compelled to track down all of the mini dungeons. The rewards they hand out are meager when you're rocking endgame weapons and items, and going back to early game mini dungeons when you have endgame stats is just boring. The items themselves are hit or miss. There are SO MANY to choose from and each weapon class changes up combat significantly, but by the time you've amounted a Gates of Babylon-sized arsenal, you've likely already stuck with one weapon you really like and upgraded it a lot, so why gimp yourself with a weapon you don't have the materials to upgrade it with yet? I used the Bloodhound Fang and thus spec-ed into a Dexterity build, later dumping points into Vigor to try and keep up with the game's endgame difficulty spike. The game is also sometimes not great at explaining all of its mechanics to you. After the optional tutorial there's zero handholding or waypoints, but I wonder how many of my homies got tricked by that WHORE Fia I thought I could trust and confide my problems to and tell me that everything would be okay... and then she put a debuff on you that lowers your max HP until you consume her item.
The open world exploration is the biggest draw of Elden Ring. Just like BotW, the urge to just run in the direction of a landmark you think looks cool is strong. And this game is maaaaaaaaassive. There's like five continents, several underground regions, and a literal Miyazaki's Castle in the Sky. My only complaint with the open world is the lack of accessible vertical traversal. A lot of my progress was slowed because I either had to find my way up a cliff or down one without killing myself. If we're already borrowing so much from BotW, a climbing mechanic wouldn't have gone amiss. We already have a stamina bar that can be upgraded, so it's not a stretch.
Of all the things I criticize about the game, I think this one's gonna get my crucified the most severely: I do not care for the story of Elden Ring. Once again, we have another Hollow Knight situation where lore has overtaken story and direct storytelling is thrown out the window for passive puzzle pieces you choose to put together or not. To its credit, this method of storytelling works better here than in Hollow Knight, because it's an open world vs a metroidvania, so I'd imagine a linear story wouldn't exactly be the most properly paced thing in the world. But I hate it when a game thinks it can skimp out on telling a good story by giving me a novel's worth of lore and then has me watch hours of Elden Ring lore videos on YouTube. I don't need to know everything about everything, FromSoft. Let me use my imagination. I don't NEED to know why there's a floating Castle in the Sky in the same way I don't need to know why guys like Godrick grafted additional limbs to themselves because no explanation you give will be satisfying compared to just basking in awe of what I'm looking at. The plot of Elden Ring is you are a guy who used to be a follower of God or something and you are immortal and you are journeying to repair the shattered
Elden Ring so you can become God and save the world. The side quests offer more direct storylines, but some of them become unobtainable if you complete other's questlines. You're better off picking your favorite character and doing their quest. I chose Ranni because she is a literal sex doll I would gladly serve as my new moon goddess.
I think most of my experience playing Elden Ring can be summed up with one of the best bosses in the game: motherfucking Margit the Fell Omen. This son of a bitch killed me probably 25 times. I was summoning co-op partners and allowing myself to be summoned by other players, and even then I never beat him. But every time, I felt it a little more doable. I figured out his patterns a little more each time. And then finally I got his health bar down to... half. To which point he pulled out the holy hammer of God and smote me with the power of Jesus and anime. So I learned all his new patterns and whatnot yet still could not beat him. Finally, while summoning other players, I got lucky and summoned a guy likely near the endgame who had lightning magic and then stun-locked Margit into oblivion. Finally, I could progress through the game... except I felt hollow. Like I didn't earn the victory. It bothered me up until I got to Godrick, who I thought was gonna be Margit 2.0. Yet here I was, on my own after only a handful of tries, killing him without much issue. I felt like I was hardened by Margit and properly tutorialized on the game and what to expect form bosses going forward. So I paid my proper respects at our rematch in Leyndell, fighting him one-on-one with no help, and nutted him after two tries. Then I beat the game, started NG+, ran straight to Stormveil Castle after five minutes, and mollywhopped him. WARRIOR BLOOD RUNS THROUGH MY VEINS, BITCH. WHO'S FOOLISH AMBITIONS ARE LAID TO REST NOW HUH?
While I ain't on the masterpiece bus like most others are, I will admit that Elden Ring got its hooks in me for a month. Had the story been more bold and the balancing better, this would've been a surefire ten. I know it's a bullyable offense to compare this game to BotW so much, but it's just so similar, dude. While I think both games are of equal quality, I'd give the sliiiiightest edge to BotW for more dynamic gameplay that allows me to experiment, whereas Elden Ring's upgrade system and difficulty spike almost forces you to choose one build while charging you time and money to experiment with other play styles. I put over 100 hours into this game and have definitely not said all there is to be said about the game but there's just not enough time in the day. It's a little too early to call this GOTY, but it's definitely got me interested in checking out the rest of the Souls series. Not for a while though. Playing Elden Ring for the first time is mentally exhausting. One day, I shall return to difficulty deathtraps made by Miyazaki and his evil henchmen. But until that they day comes...
Try finger, but hole. Fort, night.
Playing Elden Ring is like playing Breath of the Wild for the first time, right down to them straight up copying the opening of BotW beat for beat, sans getting atomized by a giant multi-limbed crab mutant. Except in Elden Ring, it's like if your first playthrough of BotW was on Master Mode. Make no mistake: Elden Ring is a hard game... some of the time. The difficulty curve of this game is all over the place, helped in part by some areas and bosses allowing you to summon not just co-op players like previous Souls games, but also summons of monsters found in the game, including most infamously, a mirror image of your own self. Any boss that you summon against cuts their difficulty down to baby mode, as split aggro is the kryptonite of every enemy in the game. While your Mimic Tear with a boatload of health soaks up damage, you can swing away carefree behind bosses' asses, be they human or giant sized. Not wanting to bend the game over a bed and spank it relentlessly, I opted not to use summons during bosses. ...Or at least I tried to.
The difficulty curve of this game is made fucked not just by your ability to break it almost whenever you desire, but also because FromSoft straight up did not balance this game in parts. And I'm not referring to difficulty wall moments where the game places a super strong enemy in a place essentially saying "hey, you're not man enough to get into the Salty Spittoon, so go exploring in Weenie Hut Jr.'s until you can get in here." I'm talking about the last third of the game, where despite me being in the level 120-140 range, I was getting one-shot by bosses and even enemies occasionally, because they either did a move/inescapable combo that one shot or chunked 75% of my 2000 HP, or they straight up cheated me out of a win by forcing me to do wonky platforming or pinning me against a wall and glitching me into a corner. You will die a hundred times in Elden Ring, and you will get mad. A few of those times you'll get mad at yourself for choking or greeding on a boss, but a good number of those times you will be mad at the game for having a boss perform an inescapable combo that somehow took your entire health bar, or clawing at your controller wondering when the fuck will the boss stop spazzing out like a frenzied murderous seizure and let you get one attack in without getting hit. It eventually got so bad, I decided I would beat FromSoft at their own game. Any time a boss got too cute with an undodgable attack or FromSoft randomly decided to make the runback to the boss a mile-long jog instead of just putting the checkpoint right outside the boss door like a normal person, I rang the ding-a-ling of death and spitroasted the boss(es) with Mimic Tear. You can say that I cheated, and I would 100% agree with you. But I only ever cheated when Elden Ring cheated first.
Whoever came up with those stone chariots in the mini dungeons deserves to be fired from the company and then fired out of a cannon. There is nothing fun about getting chased by a fast, disjointed hitbox that one shots you and forces you to play hide and seek in little cubbies like its preschool, not to mention sometimes you have to platform around them or while they're chasing you where one slip-up means instant death. Oh yeah, mini dungeons. Another BotW-ism. However, unlike the Shrines, I don't feel compelled to track down all of the mini dungeons. The rewards they hand out are meager when you're rocking endgame weapons and items, and going back to early game mini dungeons when you have endgame stats is just boring. The items themselves are hit or miss. There are SO MANY to choose from and each weapon class changes up combat significantly, but by the time you've amounted a Gates of Babylon-sized arsenal, you've likely already stuck with one weapon you really like and upgraded it a lot, so why gimp yourself with a weapon you don't have the materials to upgrade it with yet? I used the Bloodhound Fang and thus spec-ed into a Dexterity build, later dumping points into Vigor to try and keep up with the game's endgame difficulty spike. The game is also sometimes not great at explaining all of its mechanics to you. After the optional tutorial there's zero handholding or waypoints, but I wonder how many of my homies got tricked by that WHORE Fia I thought I could trust and confide my problems to and tell me that everything would be okay... and then she put a debuff on you that lowers your max HP until you consume her item.
The open world exploration is the biggest draw of Elden Ring. Just like BotW, the urge to just run in the direction of a landmark you think looks cool is strong. And this game is maaaaaaaaassive. There's like five continents, several underground regions, and a literal Miyazaki's Castle in the Sky. My only complaint with the open world is the lack of accessible vertical traversal. A lot of my progress was slowed because I either had to find my way up a cliff or down one without killing myself. If we're already borrowing so much from BotW, a climbing mechanic wouldn't have gone amiss. We already have a stamina bar that can be upgraded, so it's not a stretch.
Of all the things I criticize about the game, I think this one's gonna get my crucified the most severely: I do not care for the story of Elden Ring. Once again, we have another Hollow Knight situation where lore has overtaken story and direct storytelling is thrown out the window for passive puzzle pieces you choose to put together or not. To its credit, this method of storytelling works better here than in Hollow Knight, because it's an open world vs a metroidvania, so I'd imagine a linear story wouldn't exactly be the most properly paced thing in the world. But I hate it when a game thinks it can skimp out on telling a good story by giving me a novel's worth of lore and then has me watch hours of Elden Ring lore videos on YouTube. I don't need to know everything about everything, FromSoft. Let me use my imagination. I don't NEED to know why there's a floating Castle in the Sky in the same way I don't need to know why guys like Godrick grafted additional limbs to themselves because no explanation you give will be satisfying compared to just basking in awe of what I'm looking at. The plot of Elden Ring is you are a guy who used to be a follower of God or something and you are immortal and you are journeying to repair the shattered
Elden Ring so you can become God and save the world. The side quests offer more direct storylines, but some of them become unobtainable if you complete other's questlines. You're better off picking your favorite character and doing their quest. I chose Ranni because she is a literal sex doll I would gladly serve as my new moon goddess.
I think most of my experience playing Elden Ring can be summed up with one of the best bosses in the game: motherfucking Margit the Fell Omen. This son of a bitch killed me probably 25 times. I was summoning co-op partners and allowing myself to be summoned by other players, and even then I never beat him. But every time, I felt it a little more doable. I figured out his patterns a little more each time. And then finally I got his health bar down to... half. To which point he pulled out the holy hammer of God and smote me with the power of Jesus and anime. So I learned all his new patterns and whatnot yet still could not beat him. Finally, while summoning other players, I got lucky and summoned a guy likely near the endgame who had lightning magic and then stun-locked Margit into oblivion. Finally, I could progress through the game... except I felt hollow. Like I didn't earn the victory. It bothered me up until I got to Godrick, who I thought was gonna be Margit 2.0. Yet here I was, on my own after only a handful of tries, killing him without much issue. I felt like I was hardened by Margit and properly tutorialized on the game and what to expect form bosses going forward. So I paid my proper respects at our rematch in Leyndell, fighting him one-on-one with no help, and nutted him after two tries. Then I beat the game, started NG+, ran straight to Stormveil Castle after five minutes, and mollywhopped him. WARRIOR BLOOD RUNS THROUGH MY VEINS, BITCH. WHO'S FOOLISH AMBITIONS ARE LAID TO REST NOW HUH?
While I ain't on the masterpiece bus like most others are, I will admit that Elden Ring got its hooks in me for a month. Had the story been more bold and the balancing better, this would've been a surefire ten. I know it's a bullyable offense to compare this game to BotW so much, but it's just so similar, dude. While I think both games are of equal quality, I'd give the sliiiiightest edge to BotW for more dynamic gameplay that allows me to experiment, whereas Elden Ring's upgrade system and difficulty spike almost forces you to choose one build while charging you time and money to experiment with other play styles. I put over 100 hours into this game and have definitely not said all there is to be said about the game but there's just not enough time in the day. It's a little too early to call this GOTY, but it's definitely got me interested in checking out the rest of the Souls series. Not for a while though. Playing Elden Ring for the first time is mentally exhausting. One day, I shall return to difficulty deathtraps made by Miyazaki and his evil henchmen. But until that they day comes...
Try finger, but hole. Fort, night.
1995
Like most Game Boy ports, it was a vastly inferior and clunkier way to play its original game. These bananas are, in fact, not pretty good.
2017
Just good ol' Mario Kart fun. DLC might bump it from an 8 to a 9 depending on the courses they bring back and if they actually make them not look ugly next time.
2020
A really fun tech demo that doubles as a love letter to the PlayStation brand and its history. Controls are tight and the environment designs were ingenious, and the music was surprisingly catchy. The suit levels were kinda lame, though. Touch pad controls are dumb as fuck.
Team Asobi need to make a full 3D platformer yesterday, man. Now I wanna play their 2018 Astro 3D platformer, but it's exclusive to PSVR which I'm never gonna get.
Team Asobi need to make a full 3D platformer yesterday, man. Now I wanna play their 2018 Astro 3D platformer, but it's exclusive to PSVR which I'm never gonna get.
The best modern Yu-Gi-Oh simulator ever made. Unfortunately, it is a simulator of modern Yu-Gi-Oh.
2021
Whew, lordy. What an experience It Takes Two is. In a time where co-op games are as lively as Queen Elizabeth at a rave, the spirit of cooperative gameplay is carried on by the funny Fuck the Oscars guy over at Hazelight Studios. This is probably the greatest thing EA has ever put out.
The first thing to applaud It Takes Two on is the fact that you only need one person to buy the game, and then the other to download a launcher to play the full game together. Oh yeah, and you HAVE to play this game with a friend. Attempting to experience it in any other way is a massive disservice.
At its core, the game is a puzzle platformer. The controls are surprisingly smooth, albeit a tad floaty. Thankfully, the platforming you do is never so precise that it makes the slight slipperiness an issue. While the game is a puzzle platformer most of the time, it occasionally becomes every other genre of game in the world. 2D fighter, dungeon crawler, 2D platformer, rhythm game, third-person shooter, Souls-like; it'd take less time to name all the genres this game doesn't become throughout its time. Even the platforming and puzzle-solving gets shaken up drastically by introducing a bevy of new mechanics, such as reversing time, magnetism, growing and shrinking, and becoming a plant, among many others. Thankfully they split the balance of cool and slightly less cool powers between the two player characters evenly so one character doesn't feel more fun than the other.
Seemingly either to drive a wedge between your player two or just to flex, Hazelight packed this game to the brim with optional competitive minigames. Shuffleboard, racing, sports, whack-a-mole, musical chairs, and even just straight up chess. They even got a snail race that rivals Undertale's. These minigames serve no purpose other than to bring out the true epic gamer in both players, and provide short breaks between level missions.
But it's not just the minigames that provide a sense of wonderment and fun, because this game has goddamn Nintendo levels of polish. So many incidental events, or environmental interactions or features that you could easily ignore, and I'm sure my buddy and I missed a few, but every time we found one, we stopped dead in our tracks just to try it. Like, there's this spa in the garden that is easily missed and serves no point to the narrative or the gameplay, but you can get massaged by bugs and have unique character animations and dialogue in a sauna and it feels like it was put there just to make the world of the game feel more alive and authentic. These little touches can also lead to laugh-out-loud moments for you and your buddy, including one moment so perfectly comedically timed, set up and executed, that it left both of us in tears from laughing so hard.
Presentation-wise, the game looks great... when you're in the doll worlds. Because the human models are a bit PS3-era uncanny. They don't animate too smoothly or naturally, but thankfully you're looking at the dolls and other doll world characters for like 95% of the runtime so it's not a big deal. What is a big deal (or rather a small one) is the gorgeous aesthetic of the game overall. I'm a sucker for "tiny people exploring our relatively enormous world" settings, and It Takes Two runs the Olympic 500m dash a thousand times over with these settings. You explore a tool shed, a snow globe, a cuckoo clock, musical instruments, and more. Visually, the clock world was the highlight for me, because it's set in what I can only describe as "clockpunk" or maybe "gearpunk" world where you fly on owls made up of gears and towers made from clockwork, complete with a but of a Tim Burton-esque moonlight ambience. The amount of times "oh that's so cool" left our mouths was too numerous to count... it also never left the mouths of our protagonists.
The only thing holding this game back from a perfect 10 masterpiece status is the story, mainly the writing. While not outright awful, it's not very clever and constantly beating you over the head with the point. I get it, Josef, this couple has fallen out of love and want a divorce, you don't have to have your hilariously racist stereotype therapist book outright tell me their issues and how to fix them, I much prefer being shown their issues and how to fix them. The gameplay highlights their teamwork and complimenting each others strengths more than the writing, which would be serviceable enough if there wasn't so much dialogue, and man, do Cody and May have almost nothing to say aside from "whoa this is amazing!" and "I hate that fucking book!" The times where do speak to each other like actual people or interact with the fantastical characters of the doll worlds is when they're at their best, but man, take a shot every time Cody and May say "this is the coolest!" or anything similar and you'll be dead by the end of the second hour. You'll be dead even faster if you took a shot for every time the plot progresses by them falling down something like a hole or a trap door. Cody and May fall in this game more often than Facebook stock.
Finally, the ending is kinda weak. I mean, the emotional climax in the final chapter is pretty good, but then there's like one more cutscene and the game decides that everyone would live happily ever after and both my friend and I were left feeling a little empty inside. The ending is more rushed than a running back, and the game leaves you feeling hollow not because you can't play it anymore, but because the payoff to the story was unsatisfying. It's like taking a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood for 10 hours and then when you're just 100 feet from your house you start sprinting like you forgot to put your antique fork collection away from your toddler who found it and wanted to show their favorite electrical outlet.
Ultimately, as I walk away from It Takes Two, and I do stand by that it is an amazing game that is absolutely worth playing, I am left with one big question: who exactly is the target audience for this game? Despite its family friendly vibe, there's a bit of an adult tinge to it with mild but not infrequent cursing, the decidedly rather mature topic of divorce and couples reconciling, and even fucked up moments like this one part where you set out to literally drink your daughter's tears in one of the most uncomfortable segments I've ever played in a video game. So I wouldn't let my hypothetical kids play it, and I also wouldn't play it with a significant other I might be on the rocks with in hopes of strengthening or relationship because I'd imagine one of them yelling at the other to solve a puzzle they already know the solution to, or one might be pelvic thrusting in the other's face every time they beat them in one of the minigames. While on the subject, I don't know how solid a message this game is putting out. Yeah, divorce is touchy and every case is different, but I wouldn't base a story about divorce around staying together for the sake of the kid(s), because that just sets a bad precedent. Granted, there are moments in the game where Cody and May rediscover the reasons why they fell in love with each other throughout the game, but by the ending, it looks more like they stay together to keep their daughter happy. But, this is likely due to the rushed nature of the ending.
I have yet to play other big name releases from 2021 like Metroid Dread, Rift Apart, or Psychonauts 2, but from all the games I have played this last year, It Takes Two is my 2021 GOTY. While I wish the narrative was stronger, that gameplay is undeniably fun and the worlds you explore are breathtaking. Despite being published by EA, this game exudes charm and passion that's sadly so rare to see in gaming these days, especially from bigger companies like EA. While I have no respect for the company as a whole, I'll concede that their "EA Originals" line has been their best decision in their entire history. Between games like this, Unraveled, and Knockout City, providing bigger budgets to smaller studios and helping to market their games to wider audiences is a very good thing. If every game released by EA were as inspired and as good as It Takes Two, they'd be the best studio in the game.
The first thing to applaud It Takes Two on is the fact that you only need one person to buy the game, and then the other to download a launcher to play the full game together. Oh yeah, and you HAVE to play this game with a friend. Attempting to experience it in any other way is a massive disservice.
At its core, the game is a puzzle platformer. The controls are surprisingly smooth, albeit a tad floaty. Thankfully, the platforming you do is never so precise that it makes the slight slipperiness an issue. While the game is a puzzle platformer most of the time, it occasionally becomes every other genre of game in the world. 2D fighter, dungeon crawler, 2D platformer, rhythm game, third-person shooter, Souls-like; it'd take less time to name all the genres this game doesn't become throughout its time. Even the platforming and puzzle-solving gets shaken up drastically by introducing a bevy of new mechanics, such as reversing time, magnetism, growing and shrinking, and becoming a plant, among many others. Thankfully they split the balance of cool and slightly less cool powers between the two player characters evenly so one character doesn't feel more fun than the other.
Seemingly either to drive a wedge between your player two or just to flex, Hazelight packed this game to the brim with optional competitive minigames. Shuffleboard, racing, sports, whack-a-mole, musical chairs, and even just straight up chess. They even got a snail race that rivals Undertale's. These minigames serve no purpose other than to bring out the true epic gamer in both players, and provide short breaks between level missions.
But it's not just the minigames that provide a sense of wonderment and fun, because this game has goddamn Nintendo levels of polish. So many incidental events, or environmental interactions or features that you could easily ignore, and I'm sure my buddy and I missed a few, but every time we found one, we stopped dead in our tracks just to try it. Like, there's this spa in the garden that is easily missed and serves no point to the narrative or the gameplay, but you can get massaged by bugs and have unique character animations and dialogue in a sauna and it feels like it was put there just to make the world of the game feel more alive and authentic. These little touches can also lead to laugh-out-loud moments for you and your buddy, including one moment so perfectly comedically timed, set up and executed, that it left both of us in tears from laughing so hard.
Presentation-wise, the game looks great... when you're in the doll worlds. Because the human models are a bit PS3-era uncanny. They don't animate too smoothly or naturally, but thankfully you're looking at the dolls and other doll world characters for like 95% of the runtime so it's not a big deal. What is a big deal (or rather a small one) is the gorgeous aesthetic of the game overall. I'm a sucker for "tiny people exploring our relatively enormous world" settings, and It Takes Two runs the Olympic 500m dash a thousand times over with these settings. You explore a tool shed, a snow globe, a cuckoo clock, musical instruments, and more. Visually, the clock world was the highlight for me, because it's set in what I can only describe as "clockpunk" or maybe "gearpunk" world where you fly on owls made up of gears and towers made from clockwork, complete with a but of a Tim Burton-esque moonlight ambience. The amount of times "oh that's so cool" left our mouths was too numerous to count... it also never left the mouths of our protagonists.
The only thing holding this game back from a perfect 10 masterpiece status is the story, mainly the writing. While not outright awful, it's not very clever and constantly beating you over the head with the point. I get it, Josef, this couple has fallen out of love and want a divorce, you don't have to have your hilariously racist stereotype therapist book outright tell me their issues and how to fix them, I much prefer being shown their issues and how to fix them. The gameplay highlights their teamwork and complimenting each others strengths more than the writing, which would be serviceable enough if there wasn't so much dialogue, and man, do Cody and May have almost nothing to say aside from "whoa this is amazing!" and "I hate that fucking book!" The times where do speak to each other like actual people or interact with the fantastical characters of the doll worlds is when they're at their best, but man, take a shot every time Cody and May say "this is the coolest!" or anything similar and you'll be dead by the end of the second hour. You'll be dead even faster if you took a shot for every time the plot progresses by them falling down something like a hole or a trap door. Cody and May fall in this game more often than Facebook stock.
Finally, the ending is kinda weak. I mean, the emotional climax in the final chapter is pretty good, but then there's like one more cutscene and the game decides that everyone would live happily ever after and both my friend and I were left feeling a little empty inside. The ending is more rushed than a running back, and the game leaves you feeling hollow not because you can't play it anymore, but because the payoff to the story was unsatisfying. It's like taking a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood for 10 hours and then when you're just 100 feet from your house you start sprinting like you forgot to put your antique fork collection away from your toddler who found it and wanted to show their favorite electrical outlet.
Ultimately, as I walk away from It Takes Two, and I do stand by that it is an amazing game that is absolutely worth playing, I am left with one big question: who exactly is the target audience for this game? Despite its family friendly vibe, there's a bit of an adult tinge to it with mild but not infrequent cursing, the decidedly rather mature topic of divorce and couples reconciling, and even fucked up moments like this one part where you set out to literally drink your daughter's tears in one of the most uncomfortable segments I've ever played in a video game. So I wouldn't let my hypothetical kids play it, and I also wouldn't play it with a significant other I might be on the rocks with in hopes of strengthening or relationship because I'd imagine one of them yelling at the other to solve a puzzle they already know the solution to, or one might be pelvic thrusting in the other's face every time they beat them in one of the minigames. While on the subject, I don't know how solid a message this game is putting out. Yeah, divorce is touchy and every case is different, but I wouldn't base a story about divorce around staying together for the sake of the kid(s), because that just sets a bad precedent. Granted, there are moments in the game where Cody and May rediscover the reasons why they fell in love with each other throughout the game, but by the ending, it looks more like they stay together to keep their daughter happy. But, this is likely due to the rushed nature of the ending.
I have yet to play other big name releases from 2021 like Metroid Dread, Rift Apart, or Psychonauts 2, but from all the games I have played this last year, It Takes Two is my 2021 GOTY. While I wish the narrative was stronger, that gameplay is undeniably fun and the worlds you explore are breathtaking. Despite being published by EA, this game exudes charm and passion that's sadly so rare to see in gaming these days, especially from bigger companies like EA. While I have no respect for the company as a whole, I'll concede that their "EA Originals" line has been their best decision in their entire history. Between games like this, Unraveled, and Knockout City, providing bigger budgets to smaller studios and helping to market their games to wider audiences is a very good thing. If every game released by EA were as inspired and as good as It Takes Two, they'd be the best studio in the game.
Another good version of Sonic to play. Has Drop Dash and Knuckles, what more could you need?
1992
A definite improvement to the 2D Sonic formula. Co-op is a nightmare, but at least having Tails be like a little helper to snag rings and kill enemies/deal more boss damage is neat for single player. Music is as good as ever, and the stage quality has improved from Sonic 1. Sadly, the game takes a massive nosedive once you hit Metropolis Zone.
Metropolis Zone takes all the bullshit unfair parts about 2D Sonic and jams them all into not two, but THREE acts, including enemies that can hit you without warning (fuck those starfish, crabs and mantises) lava, crushed by gears and those lug-nut platforms. I even encountered a glitch where I jumped on one of those spear platforms and it killed me, despite the spear coming out on the opposite side to where I was. Wing Fortress Zone is ass and a half, and forcing the player to fight not one, but two final bosses back-to-back with no checkpoint and no rings is pure evil. The special stages are better than Sonic 1's, but Tails' delayed controls caused me to take hits I couldn't prevent so I abandoned getting the Chaos Emeralds again.
It's aged better than the first game, but Sonic 2 is kinda bad. Which is a shame, because if the game ended just before Metropolis Zone, it could've been great.
Metropolis Zone takes all the bullshit unfair parts about 2D Sonic and jams them all into not two, but THREE acts, including enemies that can hit you without warning (fuck those starfish, crabs and mantises) lava, crushed by gears and those lug-nut platforms. I even encountered a glitch where I jumped on one of those spear platforms and it killed me, despite the spear coming out on the opposite side to where I was. Wing Fortress Zone is ass and a half, and forcing the player to fight not one, but two final bosses back-to-back with no checkpoint and no rings is pure evil. The special stages are better than Sonic 1's, but Tails' delayed controls caused me to take hits I couldn't prevent so I abandoned getting the Chaos Emeralds again.
It's aged better than the first game, but Sonic 2 is kinda bad. Which is a shame, because if the game ended just before Metropolis Zone, it could've been great.
The best port of Sonic 1 imo. A great handful of features and Drop Dash make this just the definitive version.
1991
Took me years to finally muster the willpower to sit down and beat Sonic 1 legit... and it sucked ass.
I can absolutely see how this blew the minds of 90s kids with its graphics and sound. There's a level of polish that just blew the stuff you'd see on the NES out of the water, and even cool levels of detail like the reflective sheen on those glass pillars in Marble Zone. And that soundtrack? Green Hill is one of the greatest, most iconic pieces in all of gaming. Not to mention all the other bangers like Marble, Spring Yard, and Scrap Brain. And Sonic, despite saying nothing the whole game, conveyed a lot more personality than pre-64 Mario ever did.
But man, this plays like aaaaaaaaaaaaaass. The momentum is all fucked, the hit detection is spotty, there are blatant moments of bullshit and horrible level design that cheats you out of lives, the checkpoints are poorly spaced, the bonus levels are wonky, and to top it all off, those poor Genesis kids had to play this with NO Spin Dash and NO Drop Dash. The only reason this game should be remembered is for historical purposes, otherwise it's just a bad game.
The highlight of my playthrough was when I got to Spring Yard Zone and the word "COPE" was spelled out in giant neon lighting while getting helplessly tossed around by springs and impossible obstacles. Apt summary of the Sonic 1 experience.
I can absolutely see how this blew the minds of 90s kids with its graphics and sound. There's a level of polish that just blew the stuff you'd see on the NES out of the water, and even cool levels of detail like the reflective sheen on those glass pillars in Marble Zone. And that soundtrack? Green Hill is one of the greatest, most iconic pieces in all of gaming. Not to mention all the other bangers like Marble, Spring Yard, and Scrap Brain. And Sonic, despite saying nothing the whole game, conveyed a lot more personality than pre-64 Mario ever did.
But man, this plays like aaaaaaaaaaaaaass. The momentum is all fucked, the hit detection is spotty, there are blatant moments of bullshit and horrible level design that cheats you out of lives, the checkpoints are poorly spaced, the bonus levels are wonky, and to top it all off, those poor Genesis kids had to play this with NO Spin Dash and NO Drop Dash. The only reason this game should be remembered is for historical purposes, otherwise it's just a bad game.
The highlight of my playthrough was when I got to Spring Yard Zone and the word "COPE" was spelled out in giant neon lighting while getting helplessly tossed around by springs and impossible obstacles. Apt summary of the Sonic 1 experience.
This review contains spoilers
I thought Ubisoft was the only one still doing those expansion pack sequels that I think they themselves invented sans PC shareware back in the late 90s, but here comes Insomniac to give Sony SOMETHING for the PS5's launch. I do recommend playing this on a PS5, as the next-gen graphics do help in masking the fact that this is just Spider-Man PS4 but called something different. ...Wait, I can't call it "Spider-Man PS4" anymore because now it's on PS5. And I can't call it "Marvel's Spider-Man" because I can feel the capitalism dripping out my mouth when I say that. Oh God and I can't call the sequel "Spider-Man 2" because then I could be referring to the 2004 movie or the still-famous video game of the same name OH GOD INSOMINAC WHY DID YOU GIVE THESE GAMES AWFUL TITLES?!
Anyways, I suppose since this is just more of the same, it's best to cover what Miles Morales does better and worse than its predecessor. As for the positives, Insomniac wised up and removed the human character stealth missions, because naturally I come to a Spider-Man game to NOT play as Spider-Man. They removed the lab puzzles, which I honestly found fun in the original, but the ability to skip them entirely showed an astonishing lack of confidence which is frankly embarrassing for a developer. They also gutted the "waves" format for enemy bases which is appreciated, as it felt defeating to have my reward for taking the time to stealth kill every enemy in a base to have waves of enemies pre-alerted just spawn in after anyways. Depending on how you view it, it's shorter length can provide for a more streamlined, focused experience.
What stood out to me the most were the side quests, as they're leaps and bounds better than the first game's, mainly because they feel more personal to Miles' relationship to New York as its new Spider-Man. The Harry science missions were some of my favorite moments in the original since I love the idea of Peter Parker, this man gifted with great power, utilizing it not just to fight crime and bad guys, but participate in science experiments to develop tech that can make New York a better, safer, cleaner place to live in. His great responsibility as it were is not just to fight supervillains, but to be a hero in his community by unblocking trash backups and plugging plumbing leaks. While you could argue that some of the side quests in Miles Morales are Harry science missions rehashes (and yeah, some of them are) what sets them apart is the small supporting cast of Harlem neighbors Miles interacts with. My favorite was Hailey, not just because it's the first time I've ever seen a deaf character so naturally integrated within a game, but because she's responsible for what is easily the most heartwarming, and my favorite, moment in the game. Speaking of, I also like how you unlock certain suits by completing these side quests, and are directly rewarded with them as opposed to unlocking them offscreen; it makes them feel a little more special, even when they're tiny but meaningful changes in visuals (Hailey still the GOAT).
Combat I'm in two minds about. On one hand, because I breezed through the last game on normal mode, I chose hard mode for this game, something I rarely do when starting games I've never played before. I was right to do so, and recommend playing on this difficulty for players coming off the original game. If I played this game on normal, I think I would've curbstomped it even harder considering the new Venom and camo powers. Stealth missions where you don't automatically lose if you get spotted get bent over the bedsheets when you can cloak yourself from goons every 15 seconds, effectively making you a pseudo permanent stealth god. Venom is a lot more balanced against Underground and Roxxon goons but everyone else gets shit on when you can thunder punch, thunder jump into stun, thunder smash form the heavens, and thunder throw into other goons. I feared that had I played on normal, these moves would've trivialized combat, but hard balances it out with big hits and dodging bullets. Traversal is pretty much the same, although Miles does move with a lot of personality, one might even say, swagger of an exaggerated variety.
That being said, that's about all Miles has going for him, as I come to the game's biggest shortcoming: the story and characters. Honestly? I'm not sold on Insomniac Miles Morales. See what's cool about Miles Morales from Into the Spider-verse is that he's a little awkward and nerdy, but has to struggle to BECOME Spider-Man. He EARNS his transformation in that legendary scene. What sets him apart from the other Spider-Men that surrounded him, aside from his inexperience and unique powers, was his hesitation and self-doubt. Compare him to Insomniac Miles Morales, who is a somewhat awkward, nerdy genius who becomes Spider-Man and fights crime in New York and must balance his normal life with his superhero life. Sorry, but I just lied to you. I was describing Peter Parker that whole time. Miles is just a young black Peter where his only real difference being his connection to his own personal neighborhood as opposed to Peter's general guardianship of New York. At least in the original game he was just a teen unwittingly dragged into conflict and had to step up when his father died. That one-two punch (get it?) pair of scenes where Peter teaches Miles how to throw a punch and him saving a guy from prisoners using that knowledge was better than any Miles moment in this game. It also would've helped if he wasn't so bad at Spider-Man-ing. Peter Parker went to great lengths to keep his identity a secret from his loved ones with only MJ knowing the truth, but not only does Miles have a best friend with magic hacking powers into criminal and high tech companies, but he knows he's Spider-Man. And then his uncle just figures it out. And this he tells his enemy. And then his mother. And then his side quest neighbors. Look, I get the theming they're going for, but it makes me think "Boy, Peter, don't you look foolish with your attempting to keep your loved ones safe by hiding your identity for years. Miles is out here chadding it up so hard he tells his final boss enemy his identity and she has the decency not to expose this information to the whole world despite having every reason to do so."
The story is more focused than the original but not quite as good. The stakes aren't as high as a citywide pandemic. Also I just wanna point out how weird it is that Insomniac not only predicted COVID, but because of development times, kinda also predicted the 2020 riots as the mostly black Underground have direct confrontations with the mostly security "peace-keeping" Roxxon forces. I'm just saying maybe write something a little nicer next time, Insomniac. For all of us. Anyways, yeah, story is kinda basic and the fact that this incredible asshole billionaire guy does the most evil shit in the series behind Doc Ock and there's not a moment where you get to Venom Punch him into a wall is a wildly missed opportunity.
A lot of the open world collectible side quests are just copy pasted form the original but called something different which is lame. The final sequence has this INCREDIBLE pace killer just before the final boss like what the fuck were they thinking? And lastly, the game is noticeably buggier than its predecessor. The original had a couple bugs, but got ironed out quick and all its glitches weren't game-altering. Here, likely rushed to meet the PS5 launch deadline, I encountered pop-in, invisible platforms, pause menu preview assets not loading, and worst of all, straight up missing voice lines.
At the end of the day though, Marvel's Insomniac's Spider-Man PS4 2018 PS5 2020 is one of my favorite games of all time and this is just more of that but slightly less so. I enjoyed it, but I hope the true sequel innovates more on this formula instead of just slapping some new villains, crimes and collectibles in New York and calling it a day.
Anyways, I suppose since this is just more of the same, it's best to cover what Miles Morales does better and worse than its predecessor. As for the positives, Insomniac wised up and removed the human character stealth missions, because naturally I come to a Spider-Man game to NOT play as Spider-Man. They removed the lab puzzles, which I honestly found fun in the original, but the ability to skip them entirely showed an astonishing lack of confidence which is frankly embarrassing for a developer. They also gutted the "waves" format for enemy bases which is appreciated, as it felt defeating to have my reward for taking the time to stealth kill every enemy in a base to have waves of enemies pre-alerted just spawn in after anyways. Depending on how you view it, it's shorter length can provide for a more streamlined, focused experience.
What stood out to me the most were the side quests, as they're leaps and bounds better than the first game's, mainly because they feel more personal to Miles' relationship to New York as its new Spider-Man. The Harry science missions were some of my favorite moments in the original since I love the idea of Peter Parker, this man gifted with great power, utilizing it not just to fight crime and bad guys, but participate in science experiments to develop tech that can make New York a better, safer, cleaner place to live in. His great responsibility as it were is not just to fight supervillains, but to be a hero in his community by unblocking trash backups and plugging plumbing leaks. While you could argue that some of the side quests in Miles Morales are Harry science missions rehashes (and yeah, some of them are) what sets them apart is the small supporting cast of Harlem neighbors Miles interacts with. My favorite was Hailey, not just because it's the first time I've ever seen a deaf character so naturally integrated within a game, but because she's responsible for what is easily the most heartwarming, and my favorite, moment in the game. Speaking of, I also like how you unlock certain suits by completing these side quests, and are directly rewarded with them as opposed to unlocking them offscreen; it makes them feel a little more special, even when they're tiny but meaningful changes in visuals (Hailey still the GOAT).
Combat I'm in two minds about. On one hand, because I breezed through the last game on normal mode, I chose hard mode for this game, something I rarely do when starting games I've never played before. I was right to do so, and recommend playing on this difficulty for players coming off the original game. If I played this game on normal, I think I would've curbstomped it even harder considering the new Venom and camo powers. Stealth missions where you don't automatically lose if you get spotted get bent over the bedsheets when you can cloak yourself from goons every 15 seconds, effectively making you a pseudo permanent stealth god. Venom is a lot more balanced against Underground and Roxxon goons but everyone else gets shit on when you can thunder punch, thunder jump into stun, thunder smash form the heavens, and thunder throw into other goons. I feared that had I played on normal, these moves would've trivialized combat, but hard balances it out with big hits and dodging bullets. Traversal is pretty much the same, although Miles does move with a lot of personality, one might even say, swagger of an exaggerated variety.
That being said, that's about all Miles has going for him, as I come to the game's biggest shortcoming: the story and characters. Honestly? I'm not sold on Insomniac Miles Morales. See what's cool about Miles Morales from Into the Spider-verse is that he's a little awkward and nerdy, but has to struggle to BECOME Spider-Man. He EARNS his transformation in that legendary scene. What sets him apart from the other Spider-Men that surrounded him, aside from his inexperience and unique powers, was his hesitation and self-doubt. Compare him to Insomniac Miles Morales, who is a somewhat awkward, nerdy genius who becomes Spider-Man and fights crime in New York and must balance his normal life with his superhero life. Sorry, but I just lied to you. I was describing Peter Parker that whole time. Miles is just a young black Peter where his only real difference being his connection to his own personal neighborhood as opposed to Peter's general guardianship of New York. At least in the original game he was just a teen unwittingly dragged into conflict and had to step up when his father died. That one-two punch (get it?) pair of scenes where Peter teaches Miles how to throw a punch and him saving a guy from prisoners using that knowledge was better than any Miles moment in this game. It also would've helped if he wasn't so bad at Spider-Man-ing. Peter Parker went to great lengths to keep his identity a secret from his loved ones with only MJ knowing the truth, but not only does Miles have a best friend with magic hacking powers into criminal and high tech companies, but he knows he's Spider-Man. And then his uncle just figures it out. And this he tells his enemy. And then his mother. And then his side quest neighbors. Look, I get the theming they're going for, but it makes me think "Boy, Peter, don't you look foolish with your attempting to keep your loved ones safe by hiding your identity for years. Miles is out here chadding it up so hard he tells his final boss enemy his identity and she has the decency not to expose this information to the whole world despite having every reason to do so."
The story is more focused than the original but not quite as good. The stakes aren't as high as a citywide pandemic. Also I just wanna point out how weird it is that Insomniac not only predicted COVID, but because of development times, kinda also predicted the 2020 riots as the mostly black Underground have direct confrontations with the mostly security "peace-keeping" Roxxon forces. I'm just saying maybe write something a little nicer next time, Insomniac. For all of us. Anyways, yeah, story is kinda basic and the fact that this incredible asshole billionaire guy does the most evil shit in the series behind Doc Ock and there's not a moment where you get to Venom Punch him into a wall is a wildly missed opportunity.
A lot of the open world collectible side quests are just copy pasted form the original but called something different which is lame. The final sequence has this INCREDIBLE pace killer just before the final boss like what the fuck were they thinking? And lastly, the game is noticeably buggier than its predecessor. The original had a couple bugs, but got ironed out quick and all its glitches weren't game-altering. Here, likely rushed to meet the PS5 launch deadline, I encountered pop-in, invisible platforms, pause menu preview assets not loading, and worst of all, straight up missing voice lines.
At the end of the day though, Marvel's Insomniac's Spider-Man PS4 2018 PS5 2020 is one of my favorite games of all time and this is just more of that but slightly less so. I enjoyed it, but I hope the true sequel innovates more on this formula instead of just slapping some new villains, crimes and collectibles in New York and calling it a day.
2017
Forgot I ever played this lol. Gameplay is as engaging as eating cereal with a fork but for some fuckin' reason Simon Viklund composed for this? Just listen to the main menu theme on YouTube, it has no right to go this hard.
2011
I've been playing Minecraft on and off over the year (will more like a shit ton at the start of the year, none mid year, and a shit ton at the end of the year) and it is very good. Don't have any deep criticism behind this one. It's the model train set of gaming. What it lacks in narrative, it makes up for with infinite possibilities. Hard mode is a pisser, though. Spawning Endermen inside my house- my guaranteed safe haven- is a dick move. Hard to work outside when Endermen and Creepers spawn at an obnoxious rate THANKS ZILL
CFL baybeh
CFL baybeh