Of all the different realities in the multiverse, there's not one in which Bayonetta 3 turning out the way it has isn’t the best possible outcome, both for its identity as an individual game and for its series at large. Any number of its decisions are already controversial, but it’d have been disappointing if it wasn’t so substantially different from its predecessors after being on ice for so long. Not everybody’ll be onboard with the direction it goes in, but if you are, it’ll scratch an itch in a way that few other action games can.

Demon Slave especially is in the eye of the beholder, but I personally think it’s probably Platinum’s best crack at simultaneously controlling multiple characters thus far. The new wink attack finishers take after Astral Chain’s sync attacks quite heavily, down to being signalled by a lens flare, but they have some tweaks which make them a noticeable improvement upon that base. One key difference is that wink attacks universally have slight invincibility frames, lending them an element of defensive use if done with proper timing and avoiding previous frustrations of your Legion being just dandy while Howard gets smacked across the room – I might’ve died to the bombs at the end of this sequence if it weren’t for this addition. There’s also less ambiguity as to when Bayonetta’s able to do a wink attack, since she always transforms into her demon masquerade form beforehand, hearkening back to the clearer audiovisual language of Bayo 1 where specific grunts of hers always preceded certain attacks. The demons themselves are a great help in encounters with multiple enemies too; when you’re being ganged up on and need some room to breathe, their special directional attacks come in very handy for creating some space. It’s attack, defence, spacing, comboing, traversal and more all in one, and I think the layers it adds to these aspects of Bayo’s combat system is enough to mark it as a firm net positive despite the scoring system arguably overrelying on it to an extent come Infinite Climax.

On a more unambiguous note, the weapons in Bayo 3 are unreal. Not being able mix and match hand/feet equipment sounded suspect pre-release, but it’s a worthwhile exchange for everything else offered in return here. Each of them having a fully fleshed out moveset of both punches and kicks makes me constantly rotate between them all, whereas in the previous games I actively avoided options like 2’s Kafka which couldn’t help but feel relatively limited. Part of what helps them largely circumvent the homogeneity this could’ve introduced is their new Demon Masquerade forms and the movement options that coincide with them. Simoon’s flying ability controls like a dream to the point where I occasionally drop combos because I forget to switch out of it, and the spider form’s swinging/wall climbing or the train’s multidirectional choo choo charge are similarly versatile highlights, but the beauty of Bayo 3’s arsenal is that the rest are also so varied you could ask someone what their favourite is and get a different answer each time. Between the aforementioned, their starkly different charge functions and how equipping different demons can alter the effects of the same combo(s), it’s hard to decide between just two. By the way, press PPP with the yo-yos and don’t cancel the animation that plays afterwards. Thank me later.

I mentioned the spider form’s wall climbing specifically because, for all the talk of Bayo 3’s gimmick sections, it doesn’t seem like it’s getting enough credit for taking gimmicks from its predecessors and incorporating them into standard gameplay. Wall climbing is essentially Witch Walking whenever you want, wherever you want, and the extra manoeuvrability afforded by this (plus the other Demon Masquerade forms) allows the level design to be more creative in terms of hidden verses, collectibles, Umbran Tears, etc. with no real instances of arbitrary backtracking. Remember that bit in Bayo 2 where you’re in a mech suit? Past a certain point of 3, you can summon it on demand too. I’m tempted to argue that 3’s actual gimmick segments are by far the least obnoxious ones Platinum have ever done, but there’s not much point, since its revamped checkpoint system means it can theoretically be enjoyed purely for its normal combat encounters anyhow. It’d have been nicer if it went as far as something like Uncharted 4’s system and let you replay any individual verse in the game, but even being not so fine-tuned and debatably too generous, it’s nonetheless immensely preferable to the days of jumping in and out of the main menu.

Speaking of things Bayo 3 doesn’t get enough credit for: visuals. Compare any of the returning enemies to their original incarnations from 1 or 2 in the model viewer and the upgrade in quality’s immediately apparent. The sole area in which the homunculi fall short of their divine and devilish counterparts is that becoming progressively cracked as they take damage probably isn’t as clear an indicator of their current health as previous games’ custom of armour falling apart to reveal grotesque musculature underneath. Had Singularity’s fractured, digital aesthetic (complemented wonderfully by the distorted choir in his battle theme) been extended to his underlings, I think people would be more charitable to them, because creatively speaking they’re absolutely up to par even if you don't dig into their light Buddhist theming. I wish we could somehow peer into the minds of whichever artist came up with the idea of the giant flowers made of molten humans that litter Virga’s back, or whoever pitched the scenario of fighting a self-cloning, peacock-shaped Sun Wukong in the sky using clouds as a bubble bath. If Bayo 3 might be compared to DMC5 in any regard, it’s that its art direction seems doomed to be drastically undersold.

Viola seems like an obvious point of comparison in this respect, but that’s at least a little bit reductive. I’d bet several halos that most players won’t learn she has her own equivalent of dodge offset until after beating the game for the first time, which begs the question of how many other less obvious, unique tricks she has in her toolbox – certainly more than I feel qualified to talk about at length. To those concerned about where she and the gang end up by the finale, I say this: worry less, and read character bios more. You might say that storytelling via optional collectibles isn’t the ideal way to handle the narrative in a game like Bayonetta, but I’d equally argue that you aren’t a real fan if you can’t explain why Rodin’s pizza chain is penguin themed (and I’m only half joking).

I didn’t mean for this to be so long, but I really like Bayonetta 3. So much so that at one point I tried to make a smiley face in the level select menu. It doesn’t try to beat either of its predecessors at their own game and goes off in a totally different route, leaving in its wake a trilogy that really only ever slightly wobbles in quality and where there are legitimate reasons to revisit each. It’s been a while since I felt such a drive to want to get better at a game, accentuated in no small part by the fact that it’s draped in such a characteristically amazing soundtrack and charm. It’s crazy, it’s rare, it’s you know what.

Understandably divisive but man I love it. Stands as a very interesting contrast to DMCV to me. V felt like a game that cut as much of the fat as possible to focus solely on arena combat, and it was incredible at that at (what could be argued was) the cost of variety, level design, etc. Bayo 3 revels in excess. It has a weird elevator action side game. It has copious amounts of gimmick sequences. It has extremely expansive and interesting level design, filled with secrets. I think as an alternate path for action games it manages to do this all really well in its own right.

The combat is much improved on 2, if not as elegant in design as 1, due to the enemies not busting out of combos and juggling being more consistent. Enemy design is well considered compared to 2 as well, there's still some bs but there is a lot more clarity in tells I find. Demon slave is a better implemented core mechanic than Umbran Climax, turning the game into a big brain dance between two characters instead of a mash fest. The weapons are some of the best in any character action game. That said, I think the scoring system needs a bit of a rework to properly incentivize this type of play. Less strict time requirements and rebalanced combo score that would lessen the effectiveness of focusing solely on the demons would go a long way here. Viola is pretty good but it's insane that block offset is not explained anywhere and the parry itself is not nearly as satisfying as it could be on a kinesthetic level.

The story is a bit all over the place. Equal parts extremely hype spectacle as you'd expect and also a bit frustratingly undercooked with respect to the villain and especially the ending, which I actually didn't hate at all but completely understand why people did. It doesn't help that it does not feel very well set up and weirdly the cutscene direction (normally super solid as always) falls apart somewhat in these final moments as well, leaving the final dramatic moment feeling a bit limp. Appreciate the fact that this is a really big swing though.

The best version of this game is definitely yet to come. I've put up with a lot when it comes to technical issues on Switch games but I think this is the one that pushed me over the edge into thinking that new hardware from Nintendo is actually necessary if they want 3rd parties to be able to work properly on ambitious games like this. Framerate is not atrocious but certainly isn't good and the visual quality is just so muddy/aliased, it's a bit disheartening and you can see them fighting against the constraints in ways they didn't have to in 1 or 2. Modern rendering techniques just don't work on this old thing.

Pros and cons all over the place but imo this is a beautiful mess that shoots for the moon and hits it quite often. It's nice to see a game made in 2022 that feels like it's still exceling with that PS2 era design ethos of just having a super strong single player campaign filled with sick unlockables and secrets. Long live Bayonetta.

BUZZFEED QUIZ #1986

Who Said It — Taylor Swift (😍😍😍) Or Beatrice (🤮🤮🤮)?

1 "Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?"

2 "Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?"

3 “Past the curses and cries, beyond the terror in the nightfall"

4 “Now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head"

5 “Life isn't how to survive the storm, it's about how to dance in the rain”

6 “Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together”

7 "I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones in a faith-forgotten land"

8 "Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand"

9 "I wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed"

10 “Ushiromiya Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatler cackle cackle cackle cackle cackle"


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Answers:

1 Taylor Swift
2 Taylor Swift
3 Taylor Swift
4 Taylor Swift
5 Taylor Swift
6 Taylor Swift
7 Taylor Swift
8 Taylor Swift
9 Taylor Swift
10 Taylor Swift could have said that too we can’t say for sure (Devil's proof)

Number 1 female Spotify artist EVER.

Taylor could write Umineko but Ryukishi could never write Evermore.

“People haven't always been there for me but music always has.”
― Taylor Swift
👆👆👆👆 Such powerful words 😭

Swifties stay winning 💅💅💅💅 You mad little gay boi with the SHEEPS 🤣🤣 and WOLVES 🤣🤣 family ????

My diva is also taller (1.80 cm or 5 ft 11") than your stupid spaghetti (🍝?) smelling ass witch.

>calls herself golden witch
>can only manifest candy
>og_battler_crying_sprite.png

>calls herself a "mere" pop artist
>also wrote the best country, country-pop and pop-rock albums of all time
>CHAD_TAYLOR_DIVA_QUEEN_QUEEN_CHAD.png

Stay slayin queen, don't let this goofy ass spaghetti (🍝?) smelling ass witch take your throne.

Me when 黄金の影修正版 BEATRICE MELODY（ラック眼力）is playing: 🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴
Me when Shake it Off is playing: 🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻

THAT'S 👏 ALL 👏 FOLKS 👏 !

CW: Murder, gun violence, child death, sexual violence, cannibalism, suicide, gore, eroticism of gore, knife violence, glorification of tragedy and crime, misogyny.
Updated version
Video version of this review

Preface

First, I would like to make abundantly clear this is a heinous work. On a surface level it is reprehensible. Digging into it makes every aspect of it worse. If it could only be played with a critical eye that would be one thing, but as I will get into this isn't just some curiosity to dissect.

The United States has had 27 school massacres since 1927. 16 of these occurred after Columbine. All but two were carried out with the use of firearms. Since 2000, there have been 388 school shootings in the United States.

Canada has had three school massacres ever (ignoring the genocide perpetrated by the Residential School system). One of these occurred after Columbine. It was carried out with a firearm. Since 2000, there have been 8 school shootings in Canada.

Japan has had one school massacre ever. It occurred on June 8, 2001. Eight children were murdered. All but one were girls. The perpetrator used a kitchen knife. There has never been a school shooting in Japan. There have been two multiple fatality shootings in Japan since 1952.

Potential

I think this is important to bring up because, from a Western and particularly an American perspective, school shootings are a dark reality that happens with shocking yet numbing frequency. The Onion's perennial publishing of their "No Way to Prevent This" article is testament to that. While it would be disingenuous to say school shootings have had no resonance in Japan, it is true that they have not happened there. The distance from tragedy lessens its emotional impact.

This is to say that, in a vacuum, Morimiya Middle School Shooting (MMSS) reads as intensely insensitive but not outright malicious. It is, in a vacuum, akin to Postal or Hatred, mimicking real world tragedy without outright reference to any specific event. An argument could even be made that there is some merit to MMSS in its commentary on the why of school shootings. The unnamed player character walked in on her mother's suicide, her father was an abusive alcoholic who disappeared. Her rage turns outward towards those who do not give her the attention she was missing from her parents. It ultimately manifests as a desire to commit murder after the game's fictionalised Japan reports on regional mass killings.

Like Super Columbine Massacre RPG, MMSS appears then to be a work which asks for a societal introspection alongside our abject horror. By not referencing a specific historical event, MMSS has the potential to make commentary without inflicting direct emotional harm. Its gamification and unnamed player character have the potential to instill a sense of being complicit with the act, as with Brenda Romero's 2009 board game Train. Even its arcade gameplay loop, high scores, and unlocks have the potential to increase engagement for some grand payoff of self-disgust that one would invest so much time into becoming good at murdering teachers and children. A part of me held out hope in my few playthroughs that there would be some message at the end of it all, that this glorification of violence would have a point. Instead, MMSS is closer to JFK: Reloaded. It teaches nothing. It has nothing to say. It exists to shock. It exists to hurt.

Play

On a technical and mechanical level, MMSS is something of a marvel. It is an RPGMaker game with gunplay. There is an undeniable element of strategy to it. Suffice it to say that every aspect of school shootings are on display here. If you have seen coverage of new schools in the United States being built to 'confuse and frustrate' school shooters, you can intuit how the prototypical Japanese school might facilitate mass murder with firearms and explosives. The player needs to slow down to increase their accuracy. I leave it to you to put two and two together. The unlocks amount to different weapons the player can use, as well as cheats. The player needs to manage the loaded ammunition between their weapons so as to not end up reloading while students wielding poles lunge at them to stop their advance. The player has a very strict time limit before the police arrive to arrest them. The player gets the most points for killing female students. None of this is particularly fun, even if it were removed from what it is depicting, but that it has been done on an engine meant for traditional JRPGs is impressive. That it is mechanically more than pointing and shooting is noteworthy. It is just barely engaging enough to warrant a couple playthroughs.

Precedent

Discussion of MMSS necessitates consideration of its creator and their niche. MMSS was developed by エリック aka erikku aka eric806359 aka kata235. They are an ero guro artist. Their depiction and obsession with the macabre is not in line with an H.R. Giger type, however. It comes across as more similar to the work of the Marquis de Sade. Reading through erikku's Twitter feed and scrolling through their Pixiv feels like trawling through The 120 Days of Sodom; it is a display of an amoral libertine.

Some choice textual excerpts from their Twitter (roughly translated):

"Drawing muscles makes me want to eat them."
"A touching coming-of-age story in which a young girl who has just lost her father gets a gun and grows up to be a splendid mass murderer."
"If I'm going to die anyways, I want the human race to perish while I'm still alive."
"I'm not a monster. Even for someone like me, I have human likes and dislikes. ...For example, what I love is 'Decapitation'"

I think you get the idea.

Their Pixiv is similarly naught but ero guro. Ero guro is not some 'release valve' for erikku, it is their sole purpose.

Perusal

Despite this, MMSS contains zero erotic elements. ConeCvltist stated in his review that MMSS probably exists for someone to get their rocks off. I think he is at once right and wrong in this assertion. Without explicit eroticism, MMSS is only a guro work, and thus cannot be said to be primarily for sexual gratification. However, it is also inextricable from its creator's main body of work. His illustrations of MMSS's main character are surrounded by nude women's stomachs being cut open, by school girls being strangled to death, of raw human flesh being consumed next to bare corpses. MMSS is not explicitly sexual, but it is implicitly erotic. The primary demographic is not you or I, but those already familiar with erikku's portfolio. And while not in the game itself, erikku has made numerous animations of the player character shooting school girls, their inflated chests jiggling, their panties digging into their crotches.

MMSS is unable to depict this level of fidelity for gore or lewdness in RPGMaker due to the rapid pace of gameplay. What illustrative art is present shows up in the introduction, endings, and when in the apartment at the start. For erikku's intended audience, however, those depictions don't need to explicitly exist within the game. One's familiarity with those short animation clips, those illustrations allows them to, in part, fill in the gaps during gameplay. In researching erikku and being exposed to the supportive art for MMSS, subsequent playthroughs have been marred by more accurate depictions of the violence and murder rendered in pixel form. Furthermore, I have seen that his illustrations and animation snippets are released in packs with other, non-MMSS related works of an ero guro nature. The mind fills in the gaps, the mind construes all of this as sexual.

Pang

In MMSS, during the news report on recent killings, one scene shows a middle school girl being escorted by police as her victims clutch their stomachs. This murderer committed their acts with a kitchen knife. They primarily targetted girls.

As mentioned at the very start, there has been one school massacre in Japanese history. It involved a kitchen knife. The perpetrator primarily targetted girls.

This is odious enough on its own, this unveiled allusion to the Osaka school massacre as tasteless as anything making light of the mass murder of children. erikku's fanbase will recognise this as a direct reference to his other game, Rouka de Onigokku (Tag in the Hallway). You sprint through hallways and stab students before you can be caught. It operates like an endless runner. The William Tell Overture plays the whole time. While MMSS references tragedy broadly, Rouka de Onigokku references it precisely. In MMSS one can even unlock use of a knife to carry out the game's mass murder in the same manner as Rouka de Onigokku's main character. It is despicable. It gets worse.

Perturbed

There is very scant documentation of MMSS on the English-speaking clearnet. I myself only came across it by chance on Backloggd. What I have found is deplorable.

Following the release of MMSS, erikku started answering fan questions on Twitter. Most of these are in Japanese, but some have been translated by erikku himself.

"Q: [...] how do you deal with negative feedback or criticism regarding the sensitive nature of 'taboo' nature of your art?
A: [...] I try not to care too much about negative feedback and so on :)"

"Q: [...] what do you use for inspiration before making a picture? Do you read about some real life murder cases?
A: I often read about real life murder cases, and watch a movie and TV series about murder. But I don't use anything for inspiration. I just draw what I want to draw."

His tweets continued in their perturbing statements. Above the aforementioned illustration of Rouka de Onigokku's main character, he writes "I was caught by the Thought Police and was temporarily suspended. It was caused by the cannibalism animation, but I think all the zombies are gone now. ...By the way, the situation in the picture is a very, very, very healthy illustration of a student playing a prank with ketchup and being taken care of by the police."

They also started answering questions on peing.net.

"I'm just painting 'imaginary violence against non-existent people.'"

"Murder, abductions, and transportation of body parts over long distances are very hard work, but it's better than repeating the incidents in a nearby area and narrowing the scope of police investigation towards you."

"I think there are various reasons why the culprit in Morimiya didn't commit suicide (including suicide by police). One of the goals is to know the suffering of the victims, including the survivors and bereaved families. It may also be the result of hatred towards the mother who took her own life. No matter how many people you kill, the hatred toward your mother, who took her own life and became a 'suicide statistic' cannot be cleared, but 'I won't die like that!' Is that the result of trying to persevere?"

"I have been drawing pictures of killing people since I was a child, but it was when I was a teenager that I start having interest in killing (anime) girls."

MMSS and Rouka de Onigokku are not just gamified depictions of perturbed minds. They are the machinations of a fucked up pervert. It gets worse.

Perverse

When looking up MMSS, one of the only results is the RPGMaker Fandom wiki. It provides the Google Drive link I got the game from. Far above that download link lies a link to the 'Official Discord,' with the blessing of erikku.

The rules for the 'Morityu Community Server' notably state the following:

"Rule 3. Don't be a weirdo. Keep edgelording to a minimum. If it's TMI, don't post it.
You can love seeing girls suffer all you want, just don't tell everyone, because nobody wants to hear about it.
Don't be that guy who idolizes mass shooters. It's cringe as hell and a sign that you should probably go outside for once."

"Rule 5. Do not talk about planning any mass murders or crimes of any form.
You may talk about previous cases of mass murder, but do not talk about the possibility of yourself or others committing crimes.
Even if you're not going to do it and are just posting it as a "what if", it is punishable by a ban.
This is the one rule you don't want to break."

The server is a cesspool of racism, homophobia, sexism, and generally making light of school shootings as a topic. Users have /k/ommando avatars and names and banners. They share gameplay clips and compete for high scores. They share links to movie clips of school shootings, they share DOOM WADs for school levels. They pontificate about whether or not women get aroused during shootings. They cheer for Russia's invasion of Ukraine, for police murdering black people. They hide behind the thinnest veneer of respecting Discord's ToS.

Searching for MMSS information led me to a danbooru post making light of the Christchurch mosque shootings. The artist's commentary notes the inefficacy of focusing on the victims of mass murder rather than the perpetrators themselves, particularly when those criminals understand how to effectively use the memetic nature of modern media.

It was also on that Fandom wiki I learned that the art room in MMSS has portraits of several school shooters. Real school shooters. If this is not glorification, I don't know what is.

The citation for that art room tidbit took me further still. A forum dedicated to Columbine and other school shootings and crimes. A thread titled Video games about Mass Murder. Users laud MMSS as one of the best games about mass murder. Avatars depict children holding guns threateningly. The Similar topics at the bottom of the thread ask what games school shooters played.

It's then I decided I had had enough.

Perpetuity

I wish there was a conclusion I could make here. Some hopeful message about erikku realising this is fucked beyond belief. That Discord being banned. The host of the Columbine forum shutting down.

There is no conclusion. There is no takeaway. This is revolting. Researching put knots in my gut. Writing evoked constant self-doubt.

I believe there is room for societal introspection on serious, challenging topics through games. But when the act of playing tragedy is not contextualised, is not condemned, then those games will function as just that, games. Tools for amusement, not for learning. Something to strategise about, not think critically about. A pedestal for amorality, not a mirror reflecting it.

Irredeemable.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐊! 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍! 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑.

𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲'𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐈𝐑𝐂𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋:

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐎𝐅
𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐬...

𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄: 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

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September 24th, 2021: About an hour after THATCHER'S TECHBASE is shared with the world, I'm filled with an overwhelming urge to never think about it again. I go out for a pint of Tennent's Lager at the pub.

September 25th, 2021: Despite my best efforts to pretend I don't care at all, I spend most of the day fixing all the bugs people found in THATCHER'S TECHBASE. There are a lot of them, but I'm buoyed by the fact that there is something really funny about debugging a joke.

September 27th, 2021: A representative from Channel 4 calls me up and suggests that THATCHER'S TECHBASE be included as a challenge in a reboot of the classic British gameshow GamesMaster. The smart part of my brain that thinks it sounds like Channel 4 are looking for someone to do a bunch of free work for them in exchange for exposure is immediately overridden by the mental image of famous British people shooting Margaret Thatcher in the face on television. I agree to make some stuff for the show.

September 28th, 2021: I have a surprisingly terse conversation with someone on Twitter who tells me that the Thatcher's Graveyard section of THATCHER'S TECHBASE is not optimised for four-player co-op play and that I should consider redoing that entire section of the wad for all the people out there who are playing THATCHER'S TECHBASE in 4-player co-op. I swallow the surreality of the situation and give in to plain old spite by making some of the corridors in that section a little narrower, immediately pushing a v1.3 to production.

October 15th, 2021: Conservative MP David Amess is stabbed multiple times at a constituency meeting in Leigh-on-Sea and later dies at the scene from his injuries. Ali Harbi Ali, a 25-year-old man, is arrested at the scene.

October 21st, 2021: Ali Harbi Ali is charged with murder and preparing terrorist acts.

October 22nd, 2021: Another representative from Channel 4 calls me up to say they are now considering whether THATCHER'S TECHBASE is a "right fit" for GamesMaster. They stop responding to emails shortly after.

November 1st, 2021: Putting faith in the great professional relationshop we had previously established, I apply for a £5000 creative funding grant from the Tennent's Lager Grassroots Arts & Culture Project, explaining my intention to make [REDACTED], a new game about [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] in the [REDACTED].

November 3rd, 2021: My application for a £5000 creative funding grant from the Tennent's Lager Grassroots Arts & Culture Project is rejected for "cultural" reasons.

November 11th, 2021: During his day job as a community organiser in an assisted living facility, my dad finds out one of his elderly residents has watched the trailer for THATCHER'S TECHBASE via a Hillsborough Justice advocacy group on Facebook. This is the kinda shit that just makes me smile and feel glad that I went insane making a DOOM wad lol, idk

November 17th, 2021: EDGE publish their Christmas 2021 issue, which contains an article about THATCHER'S TECHBASE entitled "How Doom mod Thatcher's Techbase became the most talked-about videogame satire of 2021". Therein, I sheepishly admit that Tim Rogers baited me into making a DOOM wad by doing an incredibly affecting video about how great DOOM is and Tim responds in kind, closing the loop on a year-long project that was inspired by an off-hand YouTube comment. I am happy that I convinced Chris Schilling to print some of the Irish Republican Army's most famous attack lines in his computer game magazine.

December 5th, 2021: THATCHER'S TECHBASE finally appears on Channel 4's GamesMaster, much to my surprise. Because of the game's content, it is shown from very far away, blurred down to a small assemblage of black and white pixels that kinda look like maybe it was maybe Doomguy punching something for a second? Who knows. The Scottish professional wrestler Grado claims he killed Margaret Thatcher with a chainsaw, but players of THATCHER'S TECHBASE know that you can't use the chainsaw in THATCHER'S TECHBASE. The chainsaw has been replaced with a stream of piss.

December 7th, 2021: The GamesMaster reboot is cancelled after three episodes.

December 8th, 2021: Margaret Thatcher wins the coveted "Best Demon" award at Esquire magazine's 2021 Esquire Gaming Awards.

December 24th, 2021: Following three months of surprisingly involved legal back-and-forth with the law firm representing Tennent's Lager, the company finally acquieses to my nervous demands and donates £500 each to Stonewall UK, The Coal Industry Social Welfare Organisation, and the Hillsborough Justice Campaign. Realising they have no further legal obligation to reply to my emails, the company ignores my queries about donations for the other organisations on the THATCHER'S TECHBASE website.

January 1st, 2022: I start a new job; one that doesn't involve banking or banks or people having full-scale meltdowns about share prices.

March 18th, 2022: The Scottish government declares an end to all mandatory coronavirus measures across the country.

May 18th, 2022: After a long break from thinking about Margaret Thatcher, Hell and THATCHER'S TECHBASE, I return to the Tenth Circle of Hell once more when the wad is exhibited at the Southside Games Festival in Glasgow and I am invited to attend and do a Q&A panel. Expecting questions like "do you like doom lol" and "who is margaret thatcher??" I am completely utterly blindsided when actual, real, not-pretend game developers start asking me questions about political theory and its applications in game design. I don't remember the things I said because my brain was too busy suppressing the urge to piss and didn't have enough free CPU cycles to record memories, but I do know that one dude asked "So what's the deal with all the timewasting elevators?" and then nodded in a satisfied way when I told him I really liked that one part of The 25th Ward where you have to solve the toilet maze and knock on 100 apartment doors - the TECHBASE lifts are meant to be sort of like that. Thank you, Backloggd, for allowing me to get away with being a little bit pretentious in front of people who make real art games. To the guy who nodded - I know you totally have a Backloggd dude, drop the @ in the comments below.

July 7th, 2022: REUTERS, BREAKING (via CNN): "U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson resigned Thursday, bringing an acrimonious end to a nearly three-year premiership that has been beset by controversy and scandal."

August 3rd, 2022: As part of his election campaign, former Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak promises that people who vilify Britain will be treated as extremists and referred to the Government’s deradicalization "Prevent" programme.

August 18th, 2022: The build team from The World Transformed, a political festival that takes place at the same time as the Labour Party conference in Liverpool, ask me if they can turn THATCHER'S TECHBASE into an arcade machine that will support Living Rent, a Scottish tenants union who are struggling against record rent increases and ruthless landlord action.

August 19th, 2022: I try to explain to the build team from The World Transformed that a DOOM wad won't translate to a pleasant arcade cabinet experience, but my protests are finally suppressed by the part of my brain that is yelling "THEY ARE MAKING AN ARCADE MACHINE OF THE WAD YOU MADE". I give sincerely cheerful thumbs-ups when the design plans for the cabinet are waved in front of my eyes, irresistibly activating the huge clusters of "VIDEO GAME" neurons in my hippocampus.

August 20th, 2022: I get to work on making a version of THATCHER'S TECHBASE that's more suited for an arcade experience. This mostly involves unlocking all the doors and pumping the player full of ammo and milk.

August 28th, 2022: I realise that even Capcom puts a little bit more effort into their Arcade Editions than this, and decide to put out feelers for an artist who can help me add some new enemies to the game because I am not living through a coronavirus lockdown any more and cannot spend five hours a day dragging little blue suits onto cyberdemons. By pure luck, the guy who originally helped me make the CyberThatcher sprites - Rafael Batista de Lima - responds to my advert without even realising it's the same project, a moment of serendipity that I have no choice but to recognise as divine intervention from Satan himself.

August 30th, 2022: Keeping proud design traditions from the original game alive, I start dragging Thatcher wigs onto the Archvile and other baddies and share the designs with Rafael.

September 2nd, 2021: Upon finding out what the project is, a workshop in Liverpool offers to provide and work on materials for THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION free of charge. This, in essence, means that the game will be making a "net profit" for Living Rent from the moment it comes online.

September 5th, 2022: Liz Truss becomes prime minister of the Tenth Circle of Hell.

September 10th, 2022: Despite making a strong case for her inclusion, I ultimately reject the invitation from TWT to make Liz Truss one of the new enemies in THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION, fearing that someone may be pictured performing violence upon a standing Member of Parliament.

September 20th, 2022: Development work is completed on THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION.

September 22nd, 2022: Development work on THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION is no longer completed, because my artist legend friend Rafael comes in clutch at the last minute with some more incredible sprites. The final art and polish is applied, and development work is completed on THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION. For real this time.

September 23rd, 2022: I arrive in Liverpool. After spending some time looking at things that have been built to look like The Beatles and having a few surprisingly cheap pints, I head to the community centre where The World Transformed is being hosted. A little buzzed, I enter the basement of TWT's venue for the weekend and see a giant vinyl sticker of the CyberThatcher lying on the floor in front of me; it's probably the beers, but I suddenly have to suppress the urge to be sick. I feel like I'm in a weird dream, sort-of-a David Lynch dream, one of those intense dreams where you're interacting with things that had only ever existed in your mind as if they were/are real, tangible actors in meatspace - playing tulpa Tetris with real bricks from on high, going ice-skating with Sonic the Hedgehog, getting freaky with some 32-bit polygonal video game hero you found sexy when you were thirteen... That sort of thing. It shouldn't exist, but there isn't much time to contemplate this concept further because suddenly I am knee-deep in adhesive paste and wood shavings, a Glaswegian dwarf at a forge of MDF and gorilla glue, trying to create a convincing simulacra of a machine that existed in a forgotten age so that I can put my political parody satire game-mod-wad thing inside it and ask people to pay money to piss on graves and fight the ghosts in the shell, those nasty little demon dudes wearing Margaret Thatcher wigs. I also end up painting protest signs and hanging lights somehow - can you believe they gave the drunk video game guy a hammer?! - while a local school teacher uses his arts & crafts kit to give the cabinet its beautiful finishing touches. At 1am or thereabouts, the owner of the venue insists we cease our demonic rituals and go home for the night. He is thoroughly creeped out by this B&Q obelisk.

September 24th, 2022: Having failed to actually install the computer and PCBs the night before, most of the morning is spent rotating source ports and virtual machines to try and get the split-screen experience going - to no convincing avail. While I'm in the middle of looking up the best ways to emulate a local DOOM multiplayer server, a woman asks me what the fuck I'm doing in the basement's basement, a little sweaty goblin tapping away on a giant arcade machine with Margaret Thatcher's face down the side of it. I try to explain my deeds in a number of ways, but she rightly cuts through the bullshit with a hot, shameful knife of "I don't have a clue what you're on about". The woman encourages me to K.I.S.S. and get something, anything out on the floor - especially if it's for a charity. About half an hour later, the experience has been simplified down to just the single player campaign, the second stick and buttons functioning as a cool little Geometry Wars/Steel Battallion/whatever dual-stick aiming system. I try explaining the absence of multiplayer and the new control scheme to people who try playing the game on the conference floor, but I'm quite rightly drowned out by people going "you can punch her? coooool" and "have you seen the shooting game where you can go into wetherspoons". I eventually stick an Xbox controller on the front of the arcade machine because there is no fucking way people are getting past the first area of THATCHER'S TECHBASE without being able to turn and shoot at the same time. It bothers me a lot less than I thought it would.

September 25th, 2022: Nothing of interest happens. I go do some sleep-deprived disassociating at a talk about a student doctor's plan to do post-colonial restructuring of the global pharmaceutical industry through "community action", and some more people play the THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION cabinet, including a few old men who were in town for the Labour Party Conference. I go home and play with my cat for a bit.

September 26th, 2022: The Independent, a UK newspaper, publishes an article: "Jeremy Corbyn played a version of Doom that lets you 'kill Thatcher'". About an hour later, my phone is turned off and thrown into the back of my desk.

September 27th, 2022: I find out about Denis Through The Drinking Glass, a 1984 title for the ZX Spectrum and BBC Micro where you play as Denis Thatcher and have to try and escape from Maggie's lair in No. 10 while maintaining a certain blood-alcohol level. I think it's kinda funny that despite hours of research on the original THATCHER'S TECHBASE, I never found this game. Life is crazy like that!

September 28th, 2022: I do an interview with a newspaper journalist where I'm just filled with this overwhelming urge to just, I dunno, keep apologising for how ridiculous every story I'm telling sounds. This can't actually have happened, can it?

September 29th, 2022: After doing some "ideological trolling" with a very tired and exasperated BBC intern, I sign over the rights for THATCHER'S TECHBASE to be used as material on Friday night's """political comedy""" panel shows in exchange for some private donations.

September 30th, 2022: THATCHER'S TECHBASE appears on BBC 1 panel show Have I Got News For You, wherein British newspaper editor and satirist Ian Hislop compares CyberThatcher to the current prime minister, Liz Truss. On Twitter, I jokingly claim this is yet another example of the BBC's left-wing bias and a woman from Basingstoke sends me a DM to accuse me of being a traitor to the nation of Great Britain because I "only think about the 1%". Whoops!

October 1st, 2022: I discover that there is a mod for DOOM II called Pinochestein 3D. The final boss of the wad is a giant robotic Pinochet. I've never heard of this one before either. Pretty cool!

October 2nd, 2022: THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION is released to the general public.

October 3rd, 2022: Jeremy Corbyn plays THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION in Duke Nukem 3D mod Duke Smoochem 3D.

October 4th, 2022: Conceding to pressure from the Scottish Greens, Living Rent and other tenants' unions, the Scottish Government institutes an immediate rent freeze for six months and makes it illegal for tenants to be evicted during this time.

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There isn't much to say about THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION that isn't covered by the events above. If you've ever "finished" making something - an essay, a presentation, a drawing, a song, a game - you'll probably know the feeling of wanting as little to do with your work as possible once it's done. We all know the Picasso quote about paintings never being complete. It's not necessarily a feeling of shame or dislike for what you've created, but when you finally hit 'Save' on a _𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋_𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋_𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋.𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐣 once and for all, there's always this sense of a weight being lifted - a job done, a book closed, an era's ending. A past confronted, hopefully, by your idea, and now captured in some media that lies external to your self.

As I spoke about in the original review for THATCHER'S TECHBASE, there was an overwhelming sense during this project that I'd kicked out a stone of a joke and caused it - sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally - to gather more and more moss of meaning, rolling downhill at such speed that I couldn't really contain it. By the end of 2021 I thought it was all finally, mercifully, over, but somehow the stone managed to roll back up a bigger hill and start the nightmare all over again, with me reluctantly chasing behind it.

The funny thing about THATCHER'S TECHBASE is that I spent a lot of the intervening year haunting myself with the ghost of its imperfections as a mechanical device. I was ultimately nonplussed by its crass political implications, and the gamer within bubbled over to fuss about gameplay. Dumb, I know; but for some reason, people messaging me about bugs, puzzle problems and balance fuckups concerned me far more than the people who wanted to report the WAD to the police for unthink. I spent a lot of time in my own head about such a trivial issue, grappling over whether I should go back and fix layouts and redo encounters and hand over more ammo to players who were SOL an hour into the WAD, my own little welfare state in the battle against Thatcher. Fortunately, a good friend of mine shook me back to reality by pointing out how fucking annoying it was when George Lucas went in and changed Han Solo shooting Greedo in the Star Wars movies. I didn't wanna be like Kanye West patching The Life of Pablo or some shit, did I? I'm glad I put the stupidity behind me and moved on with my life, leaving that Save button untouched for good, accepting that I'd made what I'd made.

... For a while, lol. Just when I thought I was out, they etc. etc. etc. Oh, go on then.

If there was something that was going to draw me back to THATCHER'S TECHBASE, it was always the chance to rectify the failures of the project that lay beyond just correcting linedefs and spawn triggers. While I was delighted that Tennent's Lager made good on their promise to donate money to charity in exchange for me compromising my perfectly legal right to express myself in a satirical work, I was still pissed off that they chose not to associate themselves with some of the more "contentious" organisations on my list. Partnering with Living Rent on ARCADE EDITION was the resurrection of a dying dream come true once more for a useless bohemian layabout like me, a spindly little computer guy who looks at tenant action movements and picket lines up and down the country and feels like he can't do jack shit but spectate and hold a placard up the back.

You read about what's going on in the world in newspapers and on Twitter; you see the results of government policy in your bills, your loans and the rising cost of milk and bread at the supermarket; somehow, it still feels abstract, remote, and far away. But actually going to a "hard left extremist fringe event" (per the Daily Mail article on THATCHER'S TECHBASE, September 26th, 2022) makes a lot of this evil become real to you in a sense it hasn't been before: You see people planning military-like operations to keep soup kitchens and food banks running; you see collections that will keep picket lines fed and watered for weeks at a time; you see people teaching other how to get out of handcuffs; and then you look over at the little MDF box with its game controller hanging over some Margaret Thatcher stickers and feel like you didn't really do jack shit but make jokes and crack wise about the end of the world. I was stewing in this feeling for a lot of that Saturday at The World Transformed, a combination of sleep deprivation and day-drinking becoming an ironic feeling of self-involvement at a festival of collective action. Oh poor me and my selfish little video game toy. What have I actually done here?

That night, however, I attended a rally in support of the striking dock workers in Liverpool, who were standing in the rain only a few miles down the road from the festival. Many hard-working people spoke passionately about their unfair treatment and burning desire to address the injustice of neoliberal wealth distribution, but there was one speech in particular that has stuck to my mind. A union leader from the Port of Baltimore told the crowd about the 2013 longshore workers strike, and how the 2000 members of the International Longshoremen's Association had stepped up across the world to defend the rights of their friends in the United States by threatening strikes and collective action of their own, no matter how small or large the organisation - including the men and women who were now picketing the Liverpool Docks at this very moment. He spoke of a lodge banner that's brought out for special occasions like these. It’s almost a hundred years old. A simple symbol - two hands, joined together in a union. That’s what the labour movement means. You support me and I support you. Whoever you are. Wherever you come from. Whatever you can do. Shoulder to shoulder. Hand to hand.

If you’re one of the people who’s supported us by putting money into buckets - the literal one lurking within the innards of THATCHER'S TECHBASE: ARCADE EDITION's flimsy wooden hide, the virtual one at the other end of the QR code on its display panel, or in the real/virtual buckets of any other charity that's come to your attention because of the wad - thank you. Because what you’ve given the people who made THATCHER'S TECHBASE is more than money. It’s friendship. And when you’re in a fight as bitter and as important as this one, against an enemy - like the CyberThatcher and her minions - who is so much bigger, so much stronger than you... Well, to find out that you have a friend you never knew existed - it’s the best thing in the world. So thank you. 🙂

It's the beginning of autumn. I'm done configuring a fanmade PC port of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It's 2022. Four years. It's been almost over four years since I originally played this game, on my old 2DS system. I have many memories of experiencing OOT, whether it be from it's humble but impactful story, appealing atmosphere, masterful music, and most importantly, seeing if it held up to my expectations. For 20 years (at the time), it was, and still is, one of the most critically acclaimed and important video games of all time. I remember being drawn into the world and story of the game, and it quickly became an all time favorite for my younger self. It's an experience I held near and dear to my heart, and here we are again, four years later. Would the game still be as good as I remembered it four years ago? Or would it be where my memories failed me?
There's something awe inspiring about OOT's sheer polish for the first 3D game in the series. Link controls exactly how you expect him to, he has a handy arsenal of weapons, several means of fast travel the further you get through the game, and has now dawned one of his most iconic designs in the franchise. The land of Hyrule is interconnected brilliantly through many different shortcuts and pathways that tie the cohesion of this world together, it makes it feel like a real place. There's all of these dungeons, while not very difficult in the slightest, are designed so tightly and have a satisfaction to figuring out practically anything in them. Lastly, there's the combat. While simple in terms of control and enemy variety, it works excellently, having no clunk or questionable design choices. I feel that's a great way to describe this game- it all just works. I rarely felt like "what were they thinking???", because it's put together with so much competency.
Ocarina of Time, while not exactly a game that has gracefully aged graphically, puts a lot of effort into giving a heavy atmosphere and mood. Dungeons like the Forest and Shadow temple have so much weight to their feel, especially with the dark and grueling context to the Shadow Temple's history. The lost woods has such a feeling of magical whimsy and mystique with its emphasis on guidance of music and fog. The Final Boss is still one of the most visually impressive things the N64 has EVER pushed out, with the shadows interrupted by lightning to emphasize the horror of the opponent before you, the fate of Hyrule completely on your shoulders. It's immaculate.
The story of the game isn't exactly peak fiction or excruciatingly dense, but there's just something about it that leaves a profound feeling when it's over. Throughout my revisit, I was expecting some bit of emotion due to my past experiences and how time has changed me. I felt some chills here or there from a song in the game I remember loving, sure, but it took the ending to finally break me. A pedestal with the Master Sword, sitting profoundly as it can finally be put to rest for many, many, years. The bells ring as the curtain begins to close. This time, it broke me. The feeling of four years passing finally crushed me and I had to let it out. I cried. I cried for a solid minute. It made me completely shut down as I saw the ending come to a close. But when it was all over, I felt so much better. All that stress just melted away as I knew i had truly experienced something that I loved.
It's no surprise that The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is a game about growing up. The game taught me this well. I've grown a lot over four years, believe it or not. After Link turns away, leaving the Master Sword behind forever to further his own life, the life he deserved, it connected with me on a much greater level. I still have a lot of things to learn and grow from, but this game definitely reached out to me, and what I'm experiencing. It's simply amazing.

It's Ocarina of Time.

despite how fucked up we and the world can be, we move on, sometimes painfully, but such is inevitable.

putting out something pretty minimal without whole ton of thought, mainly piecing together shit i wrote on discord

i really enjoyed the subtext about capitalism and societal influence, also how theres no real resolution. it’s an outlet for its creators to express, it doesnt try and convince you there’s something wrong with this futuristic dystopia where basically everyone is fucked up and corporate corruption overwhelms, it simply just manifests. whether it’s “good” or “bad” is simply up to the player’s interpretation. i found myself in this morally gray area, seeing the overarching corrupt madness that influences everyone’s moods as a bit depressing yet motivational for some. this is how their world is and despite how it operates, people move forward. acceptance of the circumstances has sank in and acceptance of others also in the process, everyone is in the same boat. dogs, machines, talking brains; you name it. all in mutual understanding of one another.
i think some of the more sexual content can be pretty uncomfortable but it’s only very prevalent in one character and part of it does help build upon how shitty the world is, sexual desires overcome in the face of hopelessness.
characters are all super cool and i had been expecting the story to be more grandiose but i’m glad it wasnt in the end. a short but sweet small outlook into a much larger world we still don’t have a complete grasp on, but ultimately thats okay and not even its citizens fully have a grasp on it. lots of neat writing and exchanges that both satisfy with being fun and contributing to the overall ideas. it’s quirky in its own way. a fun and cozy time where you can forget and just be with these tragic yet lovable people. the infamy of the foot-tapping soundtrack also delivered. maintaining that level of intimacy with its audience that resonates. at the end i was kinda like “thats it?” but thinking about it more, va-11 hall-a doesn’t overstay its welcome at all and does exactly what it sets out to do. def one of my most memorable experiences with the genre. i’m a sucker for anything post-modern or cyberpunk related.

approaches the stage with 73809 page manifesto on xenogears' impact and its troubled dev cycle and why it is both one of the most interesting, rewarding narratives told in gaming history and one of gaming's most incredible dev journeys, from beginning as what was originally ff7 before being repurposed into xenogears and then being cut in half, and how legal battles have prevented it from ever truly being returned to in the manner it deserves
ahem
screams into microphone, tears running down my face
BROKEN MIRROR A MILLION SHAPES OF LIGHT THE OLD ECHO FADES AWAY BUT JUST YOU AND I CAN FIND THE ANSWER AND THEN WE CAN RUN TO THE END OF THE WORLD, RUN TO THE END OF THE WORLD
is dragged offstage while vocalizing the guitar solo

within a span of two months, from september to november of 2019, i lost an old friend and former lover to bone cancer at 23 years old, and my father revealed to me that he’d been diagnosed with stage 2 lung cancer. this would indicate a nearly three year journey to where i am now - a sequence of events which tested the limits of my perseverance, willpower, camaraderie, self-love, and actualization of community. my life underwent severe changes throughout this period; essentially revising my entire outlook on my relationships to patching up and mending my relationship with my dad which had resulted in some pretty catastrophic gaps gashed out pretty equally on both sides. some outside events completely reformed how i lived, the safety and love i had to provide myself for my own wellbeing, and fostering a lot of growth and evolution out of a patch where what i’d known and what i held onto were slipping through my fingers.

during this time, my father set an example of how he would choose to live. he combatted cancer and heartbreak with rudiment, structure, dedication and iron will. i watched him break on more than a few occasions. but it was through his search for that light where he found his own branch of buddhism, practice of meditation, and a new outlook on his life. he began to teach me the lessons he’d taken away - both of us being that type of person with loud, constantly-spewing minds. he instilled and internalized the idea that meditation and serenity are not about clearing the mind of thought, but finding a means to acknowledge the thought and move on from it. it was only along the lines of that practice that we both began to unbox our trauma - both conjoined and individual. it was only then when we could cultivate growth, hope, and those first rays of light.

i had no access to therapy or professional help at the time. i was between jobs when i wasn't crammed into ones that abused and berated me and my time. my greatest resources for self-love, as they are now, were my loved ones and my then-cracked-yet-unbroken devotion to art. traumatic attachments kept me apart from those things i loved most, but in the process of recovering from a sequence in time in which i felt like i’d lost myself, figured it took recessing back to those works which had so clearly defined attics of my life to that point to regain shards of who i’d been, and define who i would choose to be moving forward. over the next year, i would play final fantasy vii six times to completion, twice with friends, four times on my own. the hanging threads of grief, trauma, self-actualization v. dissociation, lack of direction - these things culminated in a story which more and more i felt whispered answers directly to me, for my consumption alone. it’s in those moments where a bond is made between art and audience where the attachment becomes not just inseparable, but near essential.

final fantasy vii doesn’t hand you answers for the questions you come to it with. there isn’t a resolution to the trauma, there isn’t a solution to the pain or the grief. it is an embrace, and a hold of the hand, and a gentle call; “here is how you live with yourself. here is how you learn to be alive again.” the sociopolitical conflicts, the internal struggles, the budding seeds of affection and fraternity don’t reach a natural apex - they hum in anticipation of a deciding factor which never comes. perpetually trapped within the question, but offering you the means to provide your own answer in life. the final shot of the game isn’t a conclusion meant to be expanded upon. it’s simply a closing of the cover, the final page turned before the index of note paper before being passed to you with the command - “apply yourself. turn this into something that matters.” so i chose to.

and i found myself in midgar again, with new friends and a new outlook.

you come back to the slums of wall market and sector 7 with a new worldview and appreciation each time. there’s a different purpose, when your relationship with this game is as intimate as mine, for coming back here. i know the smog, the street life, the feeling of inescapable, walled-in urban destitution well. you grow up in any city poor enough and you get to know midgar intimately. it’s a familiar setting with a familiar social agency. the seventh heaven crew, they’re all faces i’ve known, fires in bellies i once shared, and now understand in a different light. they’re old friends i knew in my activism years as a teenager, they’re people i looked up to and lost through the years. i’ve lost a lot of people and a lot of faith over time. it might seem like a quick moment to many but the sector 7 tower fight reminds me of people and things that exist only in memories now.

the moment the world opens up and the main theme plays, while unscripted, is one of the most powerful in the game to me. i retain that this title track might be my favorite piece of video game music and such a perfect encapsulation of the game’s philosophy and emotional core. stinging synth strings meet acoustic woodwind and orchestral drones. playful countermelodies give way to massive, bombastic chords in a rocking interplay that rarely fails to inspire, intrigue and invoke. uematsu-sensei, unquestionably at the apex of his mastery here, provides his most timeless score. i think about, am inspired by, and draw from his work here intensely. the artistry pours out from every nook of final fantasy vii - the models, the cutscenes, the background renders, the gameplay systems, the story, the use of diegetic sound, the pacing, the designs - everything came together in a way that somehow evokes equal feelings of nostalgia, futurism, dread, fear, warmth, love, hope, and utter timelessness. streaming and voice-acting this entire game with my close friends was one of the best experiences of my year. hitting each turn with a decently blind audience provided both knowing and loving perspective and the unmitigated rush of first experience - in tandem, a passing of the torch, an unspeakable gift of an unbroken chain shared between loved ones. if final fantasy vii saved my life once before, this was the run which restored its meaning and direction.

i’ve been cloud, i’ve been tifa, i’ve been barret, i’ve been nanaki. i’ve been zack, i’ve been aerith. there are lives lived in the confines of final fantasy vii which i hold as pieces of my own, countless repetitions of those stories with those resolutions my own to meet, different each time. there was something magic about the ability to, a year after that painful strike of all of that anguish, that death, that loss, that fear, sit on the end screen as the series’ endless “prelude” played amongst 32-bit starfields and openly sob for a half hour surrounded by the voices and words of my loved ones. that was the day i learned to live again. it’s more than a game when you know it this intimately. it’s more than an experience when you share these scars. it’s more than art when you hold onto so dearly. there isn’t a classifier for what final fantasy vii means to me other than, “a lot”. sometimes, less is more. i don’t have a conclusion beyond that for you. the experience recalls everyone and everything i've ever loved and lost, and all that i've come to gain and hold dear. goodbye to some, hello to all the rest. true, reading this, it may have been a waste of your time, but i’m glad i was able to share this with someone. i hope this reaches at least one of you on a level you needed today, or maybe it invokes something in you about something you love so dearly. i’m here to tell you - this is how i learned to live again. if you need someone to tell you, today, that you can too, here it is. you aren’t alone. go find those answers for yourself.

please don't step on the flowers on your way.

(This is a long, spoiler free review. Wanted to write a lot for my favorite video game series.)
I don't know when exactly this game is gonna leave my immediate brain space, but at this current point in time, I'm alright with it because this game is just that amazing.

This is probably my favorite group of main characters I've experienced in a video game. I had mixed feelings on about half of the group a few chapters in, but the more and more I played I came to love and appreciate the whole group. Noah, Mio, Lanz, Sena, Eunie, and my personal favorite Taion all strongly engage you in Xenoblade 3's story and the world around them while properly pushing strong character motivations and interesting character dynamics for the six throughout. Noah and Mio's motivations and interactions are done so well and push the narrative excellently. It took time for me to warm up to both of them, but Monolith Soft did an excellent job of getting me invested into these two, their dynamic and what they represent. Noah now is probably my 2nd favorite Xenoblade protagonist after Shulk. Lanz and Sena working as the group's protectors and muscle is so entertaining and surprisingly engaging when you get to see more into their thoughts since neither of them are just ‘meathead’ as characters. I didn't expect to like Sena much at all when going into the game and she left as one of my favorite characters of the bunch. Lanz took a while to warm up on me, especially when comparing his role in the story and gameplay of his base class largely to Reyn who I really like, but unlike Reyn, his motivations and role in the story develops much further than 'main character's best friend and shield' and he serves as a great foil for Sena, the Kevesi crew and the main six. Eunie and Taion since pre-release were going to be my favorites from what I saw of them, and their interactions with the cast and with each other throughout the game gave my early bias towards them strong merit and vindication. Both serving as the party's healers in the story as well as Taion serving as the tactician are done so tremendously. Like Lanz, Taion as foil to the rest of the group for his often skeptical and tactical outlook to the group's plans is so good. And Eunie being the party's bus is pretty nice, too. The characters are a special group that Monolith Soft wrote well, like they almost always do.

The game's story, taking ideas and themes from both Xenoblade 1 and Xenoblade 2 while working them into a new narrative excels at hooking the audience in with an interesting premise that continues throughout the adventure with twists and turns that just made me want to keep playing more and more. Emotional investment into a story and its characters are key in storytelling and Xenoblade 3 does that so well with its exciting fights and themes on life with how Aionios works. It's not always perfect, it's not without criticisms and a couple moments that felt very obvious. I didn't personally feel as strongly moved or motivated against the antagonists of this game as I did Xenoblade 1's, but that didn't hinder my experience of this game's story at all, I found it incredible. I don’t want to say too much about it to avoid spoilers, but I love what this game does in its story.

The battle system is the best thing the Xenoblade series has to offer. A mixture of 1 and 2's systems with additions that greatly enhance the experience, such as Interlinking and fusion arts, combining your classes arts and arts mastered from an opposite nation's classes. The class system is an interesting take on character creation in this game that hasn’t been done since Xenoblade X, and while I can see why some may say that having each character able to learn every class can take away from individuality, the game's balance of needing each class to function against the difficult enemies of the game counters this by making you properly assess which of your characters should be running each class, who's mastered what, what assets you can afford to push for learning and leveling up for classes, etc. It's great and I love it. The Chain Attack in this game is my favorite in the series, as well. While Xenoblade 1's chain attacks were more RNG focused and Xenoblade 2's were about setting up the enemy before the attack, hopping directly into Xenoblade 3 chain attacks and setting up based on the chain orders that the game gives you works well to me. It's still a bit RNG based like Xenoblade 1, but it's a lot more controlled on how the RNG will work and probabilities that you can account for. I've seen complaints about how the chain attack music can come in during almost any fight which sometimes takes the emotional feel of certain fights away, and it would be nice if they added the option to turn off chain attack music. While the song is good and fun, I understand those complaints and hope they rectify that, because I didn't even personally notice this as an issue until a fight late in the game. And it was odder because earlier in said fight, the chain attack music wasn't coming up when using chain attacks! Hope they fix that.

It's a Xenoblade game, it's going to have great music. Music is very nice throughout. Hearing beats and mixes of some other Xenoblade songs in the story gained surprised reactions out of me at times, confusion at times until I put pieces together, but overall, I'm glad about the general direction of the music. Though, currently I'm still willing to say that both 1 and 2 had better music than 3. This opinion might change for me in the future, but it's how I feel one day after beating the game. Xenoblade 2 has my favorite soundtrack of all time, and I didn't feel this game hit those heights. (But the pause menu theme? Goated, can listen to that all day every day, Xenoblade 1 and 2 don't have that.)

This game is just awesome, man. I won't say what it was, but one moment in this game made me feel a swell of emotions I've not come close to experiencing since I was in elementary school, and this was my first time getting that level of emotion while playing a video game. My expectations for this game were out of this world. I wanted and was preparing for this game to be the best game of all time and for it to absolutely ruin me. It might've accomplished both, even if not quite to the admittedly impossibly high scale I put it at. I love the Xenoblade franchise and Monolith Soft for what they consistently continue to produce—on the Nintendo Switch, no less. Imagine these games being PC games. The graphics, world, etc. would just go through the roof in terms of quality (not to mention the modding scene, that would rock so much more). This is a top two game I've ever played. Before playing this game, my two favorite games were Xenoblade 1 and Xenoblade 2, respectively. Now that top two is Xenoblade 1 and Xenoblade 3. The experience I had with Xenoblade 1 makes it so much more difficult for me to decide if I like 3 more than 1, so I still can't say if I like the new kid more than the old legend yet. I'll probably come back and update this when I have an answer. But for now? Play this game if you're a Xenoblade fan, a JRPG fan, anything. This game is out of this world, and I love it so much.

Absolutely phenomenal. Regardless of how many issues I could probably come up with if I really think about it, I simply do not care. The stellar cast of characters, the extremely fun gameplay loop that manages to be really challenging on hard mode, and both the many heartwarming and wrenching moments that take place throughout the story are enough to consider this on par with the other games in the series and as one of my favorite games ever made. What a fucking ride, dlc already gonna make this the best game ever made I can feel it.