klonoa isn't real

i swear this is the first thing that came to mind after finishing this game i just cant possibly believe this is a real game that exists in the videogame landscape its literally the most heartbreaking and powerful story conclusion ive ever witnessed in some time and I COULD NOT believe this game had it in it im completely astounded

p wild because I actually played some levels like 6 months ago 1 level every 2 days and then up to 3 - 1 I think I just dropped it and then I came back to it and now I dont want to ever get away from this game ever again

klonoa is a 2d platformer and by that you can imagine what the gameplay is gonna be like but theres a nuance this cute cat bunny canny something is First And Foremost the cutest living being ive seen in my life hes so cute and brave and I want to protect him with my entire willpower but he also got a magic ring that makes the enemies male preg and inflated or something so thats pretty weird BUT this is the basis for one of the best platforming sequences ever I swear its true you can solve puzzles kill other enemies jump twice with these balloons its something else when youre there I swear

and incredibly enough this doesnt feel as difficult as it sounds because you will get the hang of it in vision 1 - 1 pretty quick and it will expand on its own mechanics to heighten the puzzle solving stuff to another level completely

+his little "double jump" when he struggles to stay in the air is so adorable wow who thought about that. who wh who thoug ht klonoa I love you so much

these mechanics sound v straightforward at first but you know whats gonna butter your ass and fuck you raw ? difficulty curve

this game can be hard and when I say hard I say dying and repeating whole platformer sequences or maybe even levels entirely the punishment is UNREAL but yknow also why this game doesnt feel that punishing ? because of the excellent excellent excellent level and enemy design that makes the challenges a joy to beat even with the chains of jumps or shield enemies or insta death situations or BOOMERANG ENEMIES OH MY GOD THOSE FUCKING BOOMERANGS

funnily enough this also influences the fact that quickly levels stop to adhere to the left-to-right environments and concentrate on foreground-background kind of puzzles or even "exploration" (5 - 1 where you can get the stone keys or whatever theyre called in whichever order youd like) honestly this game got a lot of great ideas and experimentation in this field and it all pays off

possibly one of my fav levels is 6 - 2 where you basically get micro sections of a tower that slowly opens up until you finally get to the top of the fortress and get to beat the shit out of ghadius im . this game I swear

even bosses feel too interesting to be real and entirely use the game gimmicks to another level they are used as ammo and foe at the same time im just wow klonoa developers are so clever their brains ughhhh so big

in a landscape of 2d platformers that feel either too cheap or too difficult klonoa manages to be challenging enough but still feels kinda fair and also get good you suck . (I suck too it's ok)

that being said
v cool for a platformer
I dont like platformers that much
actually I do but whatever
umh

whatever what klonoa has for it tho apart from its great level design is the . art direction . my People klonoa artistic development is something that caravaggio would envy if he wasnt dead tbh its just THAT good

on a technical note all the characters (apart from CGs) are 2d in a v evident contrast with the entire world that is composed of 3d polygons which is something that could mean that … this game is 2.5 ? is that the definition I dont remember anyhow yeah all the characters are animated to heaven and beyond they got so much character and personality and . I love them all …..

also the atmosphere really sells the whole dreamlike aesthetic and made my dissociation even stronger honestly but its just that wild

its just UGHHH I love this game its something else the colors the art style and the graphics just complement each other entirely

this also carries over to the sound direction and . its stellar its amazing the music is fucking great and really adds to the whole experience its that kind of idk bubbly platformer idle music or something you get me but as the world slowly gets sucked into nightmare it starts to get more wicked more action esque and more sinister so so good please listen to the ost its really good

that apart the SFXs and all carry af and now . the best part of the game . the phantomilian

I got v strong positive opinions about phantomilian and I swear if you tell me you don't like it . trust you will be dealt with . period period

UGHHHH I love phantomilian it's so cool and also the reason why I almost had a nervous break down when I opened klonoa wii (after like 1 day of finishing klonoa ps1 because I got into a Stockholm syndrome -like state for this game that I needed some more of it more on that later) and I was introduced to a klonoa and huepow talking English ? . ENGLISH ? nah shawty stop playing with me rn I adore phantomilian and hate english va as a whole this was not a good day for me THEN I found out I could put phantomilian from the settings and my day shined bright again thank you jesus

anyhow phantomilian is cool af if you didnt get it from my never ending infatuation to it im honestly kind of a big slut for invented languages theyre so fucking cool honestly and also in a way break the entire language barrier between voice acting its just the creators going oh I so don't want to pay voice actors lets just create a language and I'm so up for that I got a mind erection honestly I wish every game in existence had fictional languages im not even joking

also the fact that it's ALL phantomilian but everyone speaks a different kind of phantomilian and still they kind of understand what the other person is saying ? weird and kinda unrealistic but it's just so cute honestly klonoa uses all kinds of expressions rupurudu manyamanirupu wahoo hanya what the fuck is this honestly and then theres huepow that uses inflections of his name going yuppi pyuu and shit like that and EVERYONE in this game has their own speech style patterns and words its unreal and also conveys a lot about their personality + can you believe this is one of the most emotional and strong voice acting ive ever heard in my entire life no I ain't joking here guys some of the most heart wrenching powerful vehement competent groundbreaking moving and more adjectives voice acting ever is in a game where a cat bunny does stuff ? I would've laughed if you had told me this before but it's real and i love it

and also another reason why I cried like a bitch in the end

SPOILER AHEAD making this v fast
klonoa is fucking around and finds the wind ring . omg I just realised why it's called 風のクロノア ok anyway when he finds this ring a ball something being spirit called huepow comes out and they become friends then one day a ship crashes and they investigate and they find joka (who unsurprisingly looks like a fucking clown) and ghadius (umh I like his design but I dont understand to this day what he is like is he just a mask he doesn't have anything inside his cloak ok whatever) searching for The Moon Pendant ™ and kidnapping the songstress lephise and they then decide to chase them

they travel to grandmother to know where the fuck is the pendant and she tells them that grandfather got the pendant tough shit so they put the brakes on and go back to his house and while they get there joka kills him . so you cry like a bitch because honestly this game is a nightmare (haha pun) and it wants to make you suffer like a dog so anyway after you cry the journey to kill ghadius starts again you go through some v austere environments and the realisation that huepow is the prince of the moon kingdom or shit like that not that important and then he tells klonoa hes a dream and youre like "omg //// gay sons" and kill both joka and ghadius (bitches hate them homophobic peers) but when ghadius dies he unleashes nahatomb which is umh a beast of some sort like nightmare fueled whatever that means ok well i dont care because he ends up dead too

so ok you kill him everyones safe klonoa and huepow good around and then you're hit with the feels . huepow explains that klonoa is actually not from this world because he called him and planted fake memories into his mind and now after lephise sings her song to regenerate the world he's gonna get back to his real world and this escalates to possibly the most haunting final FMV I've ever witnessed in my life i was left completely dry of tears my mind ached and I was gonna die on the spot it was something else I swear the way its animated and the way both klonoa and huepow look and sound desperate for having their best friend eradicated from their world forever the VA delivery is insane INSANE GUYS oh my god i cant believe this and . the "forced to say goodbye" trope always hits me too much (see: famous gay political furry visual novel adastra) and was absolutely overkilled for real

and then I was left with the credits that I did not see because they were blurry of the tears the feels just hit me and with that the realisation that this game is possibly the most heartbreakingly sweet narrative I've ever witnessed in modern day Italy and not its just

too good

bye

when I told a friend that the words klooa yuppi yuppi yuupo papapyuu (klonoa it's time for you to go home back to your phantomile) caused the most violent crying fit of this year they proceeded to bully me and I understand that too well like . I understand

YAHOO MANYAA MANYAAAAA

I'm playing the second game and im incredibly scared about the way this story Is gonna unfold im hoping I won't cry like a bitch but yknow what's gonna happen ? I'm gonna cry a lot that's it this is klonoa I'm gonna tear my hair out

im gonna boost this game to a 4.5 soon I just know it klonoa just cant leave my damn mind

klooa and yuupo are gay by the way somebody had to say it

I want that ring to make stuff mpreg umh no I wanted to say umh umh

at first I thought it was kaze no kuronoa because he can stay in the air for like 2 seconds after a jump maybe I am stupid

joka is the best boss I love it its so ugh pleasing like the 3d aspect on a 2d road is soooooo wow how do they do that the sheer experimentation wow

klooa yuppi yuppi yuupo papapyuu hysterically crying

update: thats it 4.5

You can go fast in Pizza Tower. Like really fast! I guess not fast enough because my warped little brain wanted to go even faster. I found myself instinctively holding the left or right button on the d-pad with an iron grip so tight my thumb started to hurt. All in the vain attempt to gain more speed.

I've been following this game on and off since 2019 and I'm so glad it turned out as great as it did. I played Wario Land 4 in preparation for this game and boy, its influences are very apparent. The most obvious one being the rush mechanic. In Wario Land 4, jumping on a frog switch activates a timer and you have to race back to the level's starting point. What this also does is change the level's environment; paths originally closed off by blocks are now open, and vice versa. In Pizza Tower this activates after attacking Pillar John and is known as Pizza Time. Just like in Wario Land 4, it's a race to the beginning, but along the way you can do some backtracking for collectables or secrets that you might have missed on the initial run through, the clock is always ticking though! The whole thing is quite exhilarating; making it back to the beginning with just a few seconds to spare is so gratifying.

To aid you in achieving breakneck speed you have a pretty sizable move set, a lot of these pretty much taken from Wario Land. You have the continuous dash, grab, ground pound, and all that fun stuff, but unlike Wario, you have a super jump which can be performed by holding up while in a continuous dash state at max speed. You can do a sick ass piledriver by pressing down in midair while you're holding onto an enemy. Wario doesn't have that (he has a piledriver in Wario World)! Defeating an enemy starts a combo which is maintained by defeating more enemies and collecting toppings scattered around the levels. Defeating enemies also raises your heat meter which increases the points given out; additionally, this makes enemies more aggressive, so make sure you don't drop your combo! Oh wait, you have this taunt which is totally useless right? Well, this totally useless taunt can turn into a screen wipe after accumulating enough points, indicated by you having an electric aura around you. The taunt can act as a parry for enemy attacks and projectiles as well.

This game is just fun and that's really all I can say about it. It's a video game ass video game and I'm all here for it. Side note for anyone playing, after the animated intro sequence, you see Peppino sitting in a dark room. Let this idle for about 40 seconds for a cool reward!