Scooz
This review contains spoilers
i absolutely adore the original game to pieces and i vividly remember watching that September 2019 nintendo direct and jumping off the couch screaming when i saw motherfucking Francis York Morgan show up. it was like a dream come true, one of my favourite wacky video games somehow getting a sequel.
unfortunately, it was a genuinely straining experience to play. the story here just does not hit. the first game is largely a Twin Peaks S1/2 ripoff but it has a ton of charm and ends up being its own thing by the time the credits roll that left a lasting impression on me. Greenvale felt well realized, it felt fun to explore and had a breadth of characters that were exciting and memorable. There are so few characters in DP2 and most of them are stock asset models (INCLUDING THE MAFIA CITY GUY.) in terms of the few actual characters in this one, Patti steals the show. She's great, every time her and York talk is amazing and is far and away the best material in this game. there are hardly any other memorable characters, and some of them are memorable for not good reasons. like the horribly written trans character who is also an incest for some fucking reason (can someone please stop letting Swery write trans characters please), Patti's dad who is cool until he's evil at the very end for a very poorly defined reason, magical voodoo man plot device, and the wacky lol hotel clerk. the eccentricity of DP2 often feels forced, hollow - likely because there is nothing else of substance here. There aren't many people in the town and said town does not feel nearly as alive and fun as Greenvale did, which is fucked considering the difference between the towns on the outside. also helps that DP1 didn't run at consistent sub-10 FPS and look ungodly ugly - it's become part of the weird narrative surrounding DP1 that it was always ugly and performed badly but that's not really true. it was basically a PS2 game on 360, but it ran decently and looked good for what it was and when it was. DP2 looks like a asset flip phone game that'd be named Gand Thief Automobile. just like those kinds of asinine games for sewer people to enjoy, DP2 for some reason ads in stuff like crafting mechanics! the shooting sections of DP1 are arguably its lowest point, but the action bits here are just pathetic. copy-pasted hallways with no real set-pieces or cool enemies or interesting scenarios or just anything, really. there is NOTHING going on in them and i'm deeply sad to say that's representative of the entire game. i loved Deadly Premonition but i wish this game never came out. it was nice seeing York again, the future bits and Patti are fun, but it wasn't worth it. also seriously why the fuck does he keep trying to write trans characters?
unfortunately, it was a genuinely straining experience to play. the story here just does not hit. the first game is largely a Twin Peaks S1/2 ripoff but it has a ton of charm and ends up being its own thing by the time the credits roll that left a lasting impression on me. Greenvale felt well realized, it felt fun to explore and had a breadth of characters that were exciting and memorable. There are so few characters in DP2 and most of them are stock asset models (INCLUDING THE MAFIA CITY GUY.) in terms of the few actual characters in this one, Patti steals the show. She's great, every time her and York talk is amazing and is far and away the best material in this game. there are hardly any other memorable characters, and some of them are memorable for not good reasons. like the horribly written trans character who is also an incest for some fucking reason (can someone please stop letting Swery write trans characters please), Patti's dad who is cool until he's evil at the very end for a very poorly defined reason, magical voodoo man plot device, and the wacky lol hotel clerk. the eccentricity of DP2 often feels forced, hollow - likely because there is nothing else of substance here. There aren't many people in the town and said town does not feel nearly as alive and fun as Greenvale did, which is fucked considering the difference between the towns on the outside. also helps that DP1 didn't run at consistent sub-10 FPS and look ungodly ugly - it's become part of the weird narrative surrounding DP1 that it was always ugly and performed badly but that's not really true. it was basically a PS2 game on 360, but it ran decently and looked good for what it was and when it was. DP2 looks like a asset flip phone game that'd be named Gand Thief Automobile. just like those kinds of asinine games for sewer people to enjoy, DP2 for some reason ads in stuff like crafting mechanics! the shooting sections of DP1 are arguably its lowest point, but the action bits here are just pathetic. copy-pasted hallways with no real set-pieces or cool enemies or interesting scenarios or just anything, really. there is NOTHING going on in them and i'm deeply sad to say that's representative of the entire game. i loved Deadly Premonition but i wish this game never came out. it was nice seeing York again, the future bits and Patti are fun, but it wasn't worth it. also seriously why the fuck does he keep trying to write trans characters?
2011
hearing SMRPG tracks remixed in this quality was a near religious experience and one i will remember forever.
really cool game and its art design, movement, and godlike soundtrack are incredible but the combat gets really repetitive and the story is a mess. it has really great characters but everything feels very underdeveloped, it is definitely an early PS Vita game and it shows in a lot of rough ways. this game and its world have a ton of potential that thankfully is done pretty great in its sequel.
also this game has one of the most abrupt endings i have ever seen in a a game. was watching my bf play through this one and when the credits rolled he was just confused, it's super awkward.
also this game has one of the most abrupt endings i have ever seen in a a game. was watching my bf play through this one and when the credits rolled he was just confused, it's super awkward.
2017
casting various curses and hexes upon the management at sony for doing this game so goddamn dirty
horsey
2020
i'm amazed this actually came out at all, i remember when it was announced and i am bewildered that it wasn't actually a scam. surprised how good the writing and art in this are, this tackles some heavy shit but usually backs it up in terms of quality, it felt rawer in a way other games would sensationalize and dramatize to an uglier extreme. somehow it really captures the feeling of a tight group of friends having to go through something tragic and the ways each of them cope, how it changes their world. i say somehow cuz i dont fuckin know how accurate it is i lived on a farm far out of town and had no friends when i was their age i ain't got shit in terms of experience but it sure does feel like someone thought hard about it while making it.
but every time Sweetheart shows up i want to turn the game off. she's so lame! why the hell does she have TWO parts in the game that go on for way too long. why was that needed. the pacing in this game is REALLY. its best quality is its story, but the only juicy bits happen in the real world. most of the game is spent in headspace and most of that time is very, very boring.
but every time Sweetheart shows up i want to turn the game off. she's so lame! why the hell does she have TWO parts in the game that go on for way too long. why was that needed. the pacing in this game is REALLY. its best quality is its story, but the only juicy bits happen in the real world. most of the game is spent in headspace and most of that time is very, very boring.
engineered to make me wince but wanted a JRPG in the Switch's first year real bad and gave it a shot. has a feel adjacent to a crusty comedy seasonal anime about a 13yr old with fucked up teeth who can't stop kissing her older brother in an isekai world. i like a lot of its ideas but its tone and script are frustrating. i like starting as a diver-miner worker dude but i hate the guy who is that. he should be chill and real as fuck but he's this lame dork and not in an endearing sense. there are multiple scenes where the little boy accidentally touches tits and they go all "stupid baka pervert!" and i just don't care for it. i've seen this all too many times before, i simply cannot get down with these anime babes. i hear it gets better but it shoulda been good when it had the chance to hook me!!! aside from Nia, i didn't connect with any of the characters. Pyra and Mythra especially bored me to tears (i just don't like those sorts of tropes) and i wanted to throw Rex into an evil boiling cauldron. this game is stuffed with lame anime gfs who call u 'master.' the battle system has a gacha mechanic just to spite me and a UI so overstuffed it invokes violent urges in me like a caged, tortured gorilla. the environments and character models look really great for switch although this game's character design is mostly (Morag is pretty cool the game should be about her) some of the lamest, goofiest, and horniest (in a bad way) i've ever seen in a wide-release game of its pedigree. horny in the most boring way, in a vanilla ecchi way where it's too cowardly to get weird with it. the voice acting is silly (positive) and kicks ass tho. and Nia, she's pretty good.
why did they put this in Smash instead of my boy Travis Touchdown smh. i want the bad anime enjoyer, not the bad anime
why did they put this in Smash instead of my boy Travis Touchdown smh. i want the bad anime enjoyer, not the bad anime
2019
how will mario ever compete
2019
lowest score possible because this game has a 'quip' prompt
2012
i have vivid memories of talking about this game with my future boyfriend in middle school while this creepy guy walked slightly behind listening to us before i threatened to beat his face into the pavement. in other words, this game was one me and my boyfriend bonded over and i'm very glad for that. this is, without a doubt in my mind, the best game nintendo ever made and i wish i could play it again without playing it on the 3ds. every character is so entertaining, the dynamics of the cast are pure joy and it's a shame there isn't more of them. the flying sections are some of the best of their genre, full of spectacle and setpieces that fuckin rule. the on foot levels, while they could benefit the most from new controls, are fun as hell. every level is memorable, infinitely replayable with challenges and rewards for the weapon system that i actually found fun and exciting. this game is like nothing else, it's the best game nintendo ever made/published and i'm real glad it exists and that i beat that guy's face and that i have a cute boyfriend in part because of it. port it right now, nintendo. we don't need Splatoon 4 or Fire Emblem: Age of the Castle Dragon of Fate - we need the Kid Icarus Uprising in HD with controls for humans.
i got the ds version of this for christmas when i was little and beat it in twenty minutes and cried
TBD
this isn't super playable in its current state but it being playable in a state at all makes me very happy. Dinosaur Planet was always a really interesting thing, ambitious cancelled games are just inherently compelling but this one was particularly cool. Rareware at their peak doing shit on the N64 that still looks impressive before the scope of their project veered towards a worse direction. it's easy to wonder what could've been, but having all of this confirms it was better off this way, but only in theory. playing through this yourself requires a lot of trial and error, it's definitely not finished. really love this game's Krystal, wish she was more of a character in the final game. also wish they didn't ditch the adorable designs here to try and make her sexy for some reason. Miyamoto will never be forgiven for his crimes.
2019
having the characters explained to me and as they talk about one of the guys i go "oh, like the holo-Duke" the overwhelming silence and vitriol consumes me whole and i am instantaneously placed in an elderly care home
2016
if all of Persona 5 was as good as the first arc of Persona 5 it would be a 5/5 but then Mr. Atlus went "hey what if we made it bad now" and oh boy
2020
from the creative mind behind "whites only" and "rape simulator" comes the game that isn't fun