people talk about this game like it's some groundbreaking, breathtaking, wonderful pinnacle of video games and i really wish i understood that. this game feels really nice to move around in, its visuals are really appealing and its score is pretty cute. but there's not much of a real narrative (or writing at all), no memorable characters, no cool side-quests, no dungeons, a pitiful lack of enemy variety + almost no bosses, and nothing that made exploring feel worthwhile. most of it feels like filler check-list fluff (towers, shrines, koroks). the world is well-designed but there's not much substance inside of it beyond its sandbox elements. i genuinely feel like, insane for not liking this the way people talk about it but i just do not see it personally. it's just okay!

baby's first apocalypse narrative matched with the worst gameplay elements of the Uncharted series. the last of us released at the peak of gaming media's obsession with finding validity as not just a medium for adults to enjoy, but one on par with cinema and literature. for whatever reason, this game was heralded as gaming's 'Citizen Kane' for a while. it's a third person shooter with zombies and it's one of the many pieces of media that spawned from a boring dude who saw Children of Men and decided he could also do that. everyone's angry and tense all of the time and there's lots of violence, which is how you know it's for adults (serious). but there's a dad and a daughter, so it's sorta heartwarming af tho. nothing about the game part of the game is very fun to play in a conventional sense - large parts consist of just walkin' around while you listen to dialogue. maybe you move a ladder. maybe you collect materials and craft a knife. maybe you crouch walk around enemies and press triangle to view the killing cutscene. i love games that aren't conventionally "fun", but the last of us makes no statement with its mechanics and design. more than anything, it feels like a game that is embarrassed to be a game and decides to entirely ignore any of the medium''s advantages and possibilities in favour of being completely conventional. and like, obviously there's a place for conventional stories but i just don't find this particular one interesting - especially as a game. naughty dog's uncharted series at least face the player with spectacle and dozens of enemies but tlou doesn't evolve much over its runtime, aside from having more guys. it's a culmination of the 7th gen's most boring elements distilled in one package that might as well just be the TV show it became.

this is also a game that was so successful it set the standards for what most big narrative driven triple a releases would be for the next couple generations. very much not a fan of that and the impact it had on the industry as a whole - it's the final turning point for PlayStation going from a system with a diverse library of colourful games to mostly just games like this. wide appeal titles very-normal narratives that are just like some other thing tonally and narratively but slopped up into a game that plays like a million other games. boring!!!! it's just boring.

engineered to make me wince but wanted a JRPG in the Switch's first year real bad and gave it a shot. has a feel adjacent to a crusty comedy seasonal anime about a 13yr old with fucked up teeth who can't stop kissing her older brother in an isekai world. i like a lot of its ideas but its tone and script are frustrating. i like starting as a diver-miner worker dude but i hate the guy who is that. he should be chill and real as fuck but he's this lame dork and not in an endearing sense. there are multiple scenes where the little boy accidentally touches tits and they go all "stupid baka pervert!" and i just don't care for it. i've seen this all too many times before, i simply cannot get down with these anime babes. i hear it gets better but it shoulda been good when it had the chance to hook me!!! aside from Nia, i didn't connect with any of the characters. Pyra and Mythra especially bored me to tears (i just don't like those sorts of tropes) and i wanted to throw Rex into an evil boiling cauldron. this game is stuffed with lame anime gfs who call u 'master.' the battle system has a gacha mechanic just to spite me and a UI so overstuffed it invokes violent urges in me like a caged, tortured gorilla. the environments and character models look really great for switch although this game's character design is mostly (Morag is pretty cool the game should be about her) some of the lamest, goofiest, and horniest (in a bad way) i've ever seen in a wide-release game of its pedigree. horny in the most boring way, in a vanilla ecchi way where it's too cowardly to get weird with it. the voice acting is silly (positive) and kicks ass tho. and Nia, she's pretty good.


why did they put this in Smash instead of my boy Travis Touchdown smh. i want the bad anime enjoyer, not the bad anime

tiring. written and directed by a goofy stooge inspired by how 'palestine is evil too!!!' the game part isn't anything special this time either - third person shooting, x to melee cutscene, light crafting elements, and hours of sections where you walk slowly and characters talk at you while you hold forward - it's legally a video game. no aspect here is used for any creative or characteristic benefit of the medium, this game is begging and pleading to be a TV show. it's very serious, so it can't be very interesting mechanically. the focus here is the story - a story that, were it not in a game, probably wouldn't receive the acclaim it has. there's a very misguided attempt to show the "two sides" of its conflict and it does this by making you retread the same beats of the other already way too overly-long story again, but its central conflict is dull unless you liked the boring dad guy from the first game. i do commend the games industry for finally making a revenge story about a deadbeat dad who's a girldad Horny 4 Revenge (until she isn't) this time but i really don't think that story needed to be TWENTY-FIVE (25) hours long! any sense of impact this could've had is lost in the indeterminable sludge of its pace, especially when the gameplay is so basic. it's a story you've seen before if you've ever once watched/read a dreary post-apocalypse story where the author's idea of humanity is only seen through the lens of exhaustive, immature brutality. unironically positions killing children as a good thing in case they grow up to be terrorists mad at you, which i thought was just "morally grey" stuff but this was created by a zionist so it's likely sincere. it gets to a level i find campy in the same way that really dorky batman vs superman movie was. when it's trying to be serious it's showing you how effed up and twisted humanity and VIOLENCE are by making you kill a dog and then showing a flashback of that dog being happy. this is not serious, like what are we even doing here. people with jobs will watch and enjoy the TV show version but won't remember it after eight months. despite what critics said about it, it's certainly no 'We Love Katamari' (2005)

this little shitfaced monkey has the audacity to, first off, be so curious it became his identity. which i just find ridiculous. curious about what? he's not smart enough to understand anything anyways. but secondly this little ape has the worst double jump in all of gaming. you gotta press the jump button twice before it registers, you can't double jump at a point during the first jump you gotta commit immediately. I'm sorry everyone but curious george on ps2 isnt that good. i know that's hard to take in and im sorry