Beating every Zelda in timeline order 18/20:

To say I beat Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is a bit of an exaggeration. Thank the lord for save states because this game is a motherfucker. I thought the original Legend of Zelda was difficult and enemy placement was a bit arbitrary but still a fun time overall. Zelda II, from the very beginning, kicks you in the shins and spits in your face. Whether it be the erratic overworld enemy encounters, the esoteric item usage or retrieval (maybe the manual cleared this up) or the fact that I just can't seem to fucking figure out to consistently hit those god damn iron knuckles. Every single enemy is extremely annoying to deal with. I'm not a huge fan of the level up and magic systems either. All it really resulted in was me grinding before dungeons to get my levels up so I'd stand a chance. At least 3 hours of my 9 hour playthrough was grinding. The dungeons are a series of dead ends and required secret passageways that are easy to miss unless you accidentally stumble upon them. Not that the first Zelda had too many actual puzzles but the game at least made me enjoy experimenting with bombing walls, burning bushes, etc. Zelda II feels like beating your head against a brick wall and then sometimes your head goes through the wall and actually that wall was a secret passageway, didn't you know that? You stupid fucking idiot! You dumb bitch!

However, despite all this, I weirdly do enjoy the combat. If the enemies fought a little more fair, I could see myself really getting into improving at this game. With everything Link can do with his sword in this game, it feels snappy and in player control way more than any other Zelda game. At some points, I found myself having a weird amount of fun with the amount of time the game was telling me to go fuck yourself. I could see Zelda II being fun. You've just gotta be like, REALLY good. And I'm not. I'm dogshit. I also like the music.

Even though I enjoy the gameplay at the most basic level, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is a frustrating, overly difficult, esoteric grindfest of a game and absolutely deserves the reputation it has.

Beating every Zelda in timeline order 17/20:

The Legend of Zelda is a game that needs to be experienced in the context of the time it released. I've heard again and again how fun it was to discover secrets and share them with your friends. Figuring out how the world works and making incremental progress to strengthen Link is the whole game. And I'm sure it was really good at that in 1986. Yeah, I used a guide for the whole thing (minus the dungeons), got all the good items immediately and made a beeline for each of the dungeons. And for the most part, the game is still a good time. I think I do appreciate how much it trusts the player to just figure it out. It's not the game's job to make sure you win, it's your job to beat it, despite everything.
And boy, levels 6-9 (7 not so much) are brutal. Which is where most of my frustration comes from. It stops being difficult (good connotation) and starts being an NES game (bad connotation). Death Mountain especially just feels like the devs loaded every single room with wizzrobes for no other reason than to piss me off. It feels like a 10 year old putting 5 Bowsers on screen at once in Mario Maker and calling the level "FINAL BOSS!!!!" The Ganon fight? Horrible.

The Legend of Zelda is a product of its time for better or for worse, and although I mostly still had a good time with it, I'm seething with rage and I do not want to play it ever again.