SlapOnToast
2018
This is probably gonna be one of those games I play every now and then, perhaps getting to the credits after about 2 years or so? Because trying to play it on a regular (weekly) basis was just a bit too repetitive and monotonous, I'm sorry to say. :/ It's genuinely got fun combat and gameplay, but it's let down by bland level design and a sense of variety that's drip fed a little too slowly for my liking.
See you in a couple years then, once I beaten the damn thing!
See you in a couple years then, once I beaten the damn thing!
1996
Astonishingly beautiful in it's fluid animations and wonderfully exaggerated backdrops, this classic's presentation rightfully has left it's mark on everyone who played it. By the end of the game, the difficulty winds up becoming that particular bullshit you'd expect from an arcade game, but it's highly responsive controls and extremely entertaining selection of weapons and powerups are never at fault. In particular, the eponymous Metal Slug is a novel and welcome relief from the chaos, with it's three hit points and superior firepower!
The perfect little game to do a few laps in between larger titles. Going to try and, if not 1CC, as few as humanly possible..
The perfect little game to do a few laps in between larger titles. Going to try and, if not 1CC, as few as humanly possible..
2021
The overly punishing, needlessly trial-and-error nature of the EMMI sections and some notably amateurish cutscene direction cannot spoil what is ultimately my favourite game of 2021. Slick and snappy movement, thoughtful level design and some truly difficult boss battles are complimented by a stunning attention to detail and a sense of scale unlike any other 2.5D game before it. I honestly had no idea how they'd ever continue the series after Fusion, but this is absolutely more than worthy of carrying the torch!
2006
One of the very few games I'd consider perfect.
This is the only Final Fantasy I've ever beaten.
2021
XINGISKAN II (if you know, you know)
...And for everyone else, a wonderful little arcade style game that's easy to pick up and smooch your way through. Unlocking the 'true ending' is a little tedious, due to RNG, but that same RNG is what helps keep the game entertaining on regular playthroughs, so it's not thaaat big an issue. Not with such a such a charming, cheeky presentation! The music in particular's gonna be stuck in my head for months to come, I just know it...
Overall, it's an easy recommendation for those who want to play something simple & sweet (yet slightly saucy) between larger games. Another Onion Games classic!
...And for everyone else, a wonderful little arcade style game that's easy to pick up and smooch your way through. Unlocking the 'true ending' is a little tedious, due to RNG, but that same RNG is what helps keep the game entertaining on regular playthroughs, so it's not thaaat big an issue. Not with such a such a charming, cheeky presentation! The music in particular's gonna be stuck in my head for months to come, I just know it...
Overall, it's an easy recommendation for those who want to play something simple & sweet (yet slightly saucy) between larger games. Another Onion Games classic!
2021
A simply delightful micro point n' click, not much more to say. Well worth the price of admission (Free) and the time spent with it (20 minutes).
2021
Another sidescrolling classic from Nifflas, with the short, succinct level design and stupendous soundscape you'd expect from his works, though this time with a wonderful 'PSN circa late 00's' graphical style with a Danish flair. It's the kind of game you have to get your hands on to really appreciate though, as it just feels oh so smooth and buttery on a gamepad! He's come such a long way since Within a Deep Forest, that's for sure...
1992
Not gonna beat around the bush: If Sonic 1 was an unexpected surprise, Sonic 2 was a bit of a disappointment. :/
Like the first game, there's not much to really say that others haven't already said a million times before. Levels are more consistently 'good' for the first two thirds of the adventure, back end of the game after Oil Ocean is kinda shitty (with Metropolis zone being especially long and annoying to get through), the final bosses really could've let you have at least a couple rings (and a checkpoint between them), you know the drill. But it's strange... years of seeing countless people proclaim that 'THIS is the best one', the 'shining example of what a Sonic game SHOULD be', that this is 'WAY BETTER than the DOGSHIT that is Sonic 1'... I can't really say I agree?
Like, there's more zones this time, but it's the kind of thing where all the colourful tile sets and unique hazards all blend together to amalgamate into something that's initially fun to play through, but ultimately forgettable as whole. Levels are sped through a little too fast for my liking, with exploration slightly de-emphasized for the sake of providing the same sort of speedy highs over and over again. Why explore for extra lives and rings when it goes against the grain at best and is actively discouraged at its very worst? It's far from unenjoyable (not with controls and physics this finely tuned), but coupled with a two act structure the levels don't have enough time to really make an impression within the short amount of time spent plowing through them?
It doesn't feel thaaaaat much better than the first game, otherwise. It's less 'good zone, bad zone' in structure, sure, but I can't say that's any worse than putting all the worst zones in the final third, either. The music is on par with the first game's score, there's not much I can say there other than 'it bangs'. Special Stages still really suck, even though they changed genre from 'bad maze' to 'bad autorunner'. One change that's definitely more mas o menos is the slight shift in art direction, which seemed like it de-emphasized the Memphis Style inspiration for a 'more colours and detail' approach to an admittedly pleasing, yet less interesting degree. It's a good looking game, don't get me wrong, but a little more 'grounded' than what I'm personally drawn to in sidescrollers (and art, generally!).
What I'm trying to say here is that it's just... a little bit mediocre, something I feel a lot about what wound up becoming 'timeless classics' during the early-to-mid 90s. Perfectly average, but nothing that felt particularly stand out compared to other games in the series (or genre itself, or even on the Mega Drive where it hailed from). Had I grown up with it as a child, replaying it over and over until the level layouts were burnt into my memory, I'd probably feel the same way about it, like the countless supporters it has. But as a someone in their late 20s with a real love and affinity for platformers, it unfortunately didn't do much for me other than register as 'good I guess' and 'a step towards Sonic 3 & Knuckles'. Here's hoping I learn to love it for what it is down the line...
...But for now, I can finally say that I've got a 'contrarian Sonic opinion' to call my very own! Can't believe I've gone so long without one, wow! ;)
Like the first game, there's not much to really say that others haven't already said a million times before. Levels are more consistently 'good' for the first two thirds of the adventure, back end of the game after Oil Ocean is kinda shitty (with Metropolis zone being especially long and annoying to get through), the final bosses really could've let you have at least a couple rings (and a checkpoint between them), you know the drill. But it's strange... years of seeing countless people proclaim that 'THIS is the best one', the 'shining example of what a Sonic game SHOULD be', that this is 'WAY BETTER than the DOGSHIT that is Sonic 1'... I can't really say I agree?
Like, there's more zones this time, but it's the kind of thing where all the colourful tile sets and unique hazards all blend together to amalgamate into something that's initially fun to play through, but ultimately forgettable as whole. Levels are sped through a little too fast for my liking, with exploration slightly de-emphasized for the sake of providing the same sort of speedy highs over and over again. Why explore for extra lives and rings when it goes against the grain at best and is actively discouraged at its very worst? It's far from unenjoyable (not with controls and physics this finely tuned), but coupled with a two act structure the levels don't have enough time to really make an impression within the short amount of time spent plowing through them?
It doesn't feel thaaaaat much better than the first game, otherwise. It's less 'good zone, bad zone' in structure, sure, but I can't say that's any worse than putting all the worst zones in the final third, either. The music is on par with the first game's score, there's not much I can say there other than 'it bangs'. Special Stages still really suck, even though they changed genre from 'bad maze' to 'bad autorunner'. One change that's definitely more mas o menos is the slight shift in art direction, which seemed like it de-emphasized the Memphis Style inspiration for a 'more colours and detail' approach to an admittedly pleasing, yet less interesting degree. It's a good looking game, don't get me wrong, but a little more 'grounded' than what I'm personally drawn to in sidescrollers (and art, generally!).
What I'm trying to say here is that it's just... a little bit mediocre, something I feel a lot about what wound up becoming 'timeless classics' during the early-to-mid 90s. Perfectly average, but nothing that felt particularly stand out compared to other games in the series (or genre itself, or even on the Mega Drive where it hailed from). Had I grown up with it as a child, replaying it over and over until the level layouts were burnt into my memory, I'd probably feel the same way about it, like the countless supporters it has. But as a someone in their late 20s with a real love and affinity for platformers, it unfortunately didn't do much for me other than register as 'good I guess' and 'a step towards Sonic 3 & Knuckles'. Here's hoping I learn to love it for what it is down the line...
...But for now, I can finally say that I've got a 'contrarian Sonic opinion' to call my very own! Can't believe I've gone so long without one, wow! ;)
2019
Less of a game and more of an interactive animation, as described by the developers themselves, but not particularly remarkable even under that label? You'll wish it were more tactile to interact with, that it did more with its themes of conformity and/or social pressure, and you'll especially wish it were a little longer overall. Very nicely produced animation and sound work, somewhat reminiscent of the work of Keith Haring and of late 00s flash games, if nothing else!
1995
An early 3D shooter that, while a little clunky to control and very brisk in length, more than makes up for it by simply being a joy to play. Nothing quite matches the thrill of waiting nervously for the lock on to line up on your target while you're either:
A. Being shot at;
B. Flying a bit too close to the ground for comfort;
C. All of the above;
and nailing it, cheered on by the enthusiastic whoops of your copilots and big 'BINGO!' text across the screen! I really like how you use your 'score' to buy different planes, each with their own unique stats, that also double as your 'lives'. It's a clever way of being arcade-y while adding a risky bit of depth to difficult missions. Just wish there were a few more to play!
P.S. Namco once again kills it on the OST front, this time pairing some fantastic guitar licks to only the finest synth instrumentals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGR9gv1KHTQ
A. Being shot at;
B. Flying a bit too close to the ground for comfort;
C. All of the above;
and nailing it, cheered on by the enthusiastic whoops of your copilots and big 'BINGO!' text across the screen! I really like how you use your 'score' to buy different planes, each with their own unique stats, that also double as your 'lives'. It's a clever way of being arcade-y while adding a risky bit of depth to difficult missions. Just wish there were a few more to play!
P.S. Namco once again kills it on the OST front, this time pairing some fantastic guitar licks to only the finest synth instrumentals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGR9gv1KHTQ
2020
Simpcore gaming
1990
Nintendon'ts Lame Boy version of Tetris WISHES it had this much soul
1995
TO LOVE
TO SHINE
TO SHINE
2021
More or less the same as it ever was.
I really do wish this was a Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze situation where I'd come out of this replay with a newfound appreciation, but unfortunately, I'm still not too keen on Super Mario 3D World. It's been a decently relaxing and fun playthrough, don't get me twisted! But there's still a lot of particulars that rub me the wrong way...
While I understand why it controls the way it does, I don't really jive with how limited and stiff it feels to play (Well, compared to the other 3D Marios). While the shift from full analogue to 8 way movement severely hampers Mario & Co.'s more complex moves, it does make the flagpole jump and special zones a cinch to pull off. Nobody wants to fail these climactic and joyful little moments just because of a slight twitch of the thumb, right? What I can't justify is STILL how awkward it is to start sprinting, especially when the 2D games had it all figured out in the 1980's! It's like driving a car with a spluttering engine with how stop and start it feels, in sharp contrast to the the smooth speed gradients of the rest of the series. I'm not naive enough to have expected them to fix these things, but it's the main reason why I kept my distance from this port for so long...
Perhaps more soul crushing is that the art direction is still as depressingly sauceless as ever, especially so after Odyssey's overabundance of style. I do genuinely love the work that went into the character and enemy models, but it's hard to appreciate them when the level theming is so, so general in nature. Nothing links them together in any meaningful way, and (outside of lazy gestures to the wonderful stage theming of SMB3 and the half-assed geometrics of SMW), the overworlds are baron wastelands that clinically represent some sort of environmental climate and very little else. Killing Miiverse, in effect, also gutted this game of a large part of it's original identity, like a government body scrubbing away layers of graffiti for a block colour paint job. There's no real heart behind any of it, to push it above being anything other than 'decent enough', despite aging incredibly well on a technical level, you know?
But hey, at least the music, in direct contrast, is still the best a Mario game's ever sounded? Not really sure what happened at the company that allowed their musicians to completely pop off during what's otherwise an aesthetically void period of their catalogue, but I'm all ears for it! And while I haven't said too much about the gameplay as a whole (it really is just 3D Land 2 in oblique projection), it runs a little faster now and collectibles are less of a hassle to collect, making it a smoother experience overal- Well, outside of the touch screen sections, but that's just the nature of porting a Wii U game, isn't it...
I initially thought it was a little strange that they bundled this with Bowser's Fury. Wouldn't you want the bold next step in Mario's journey to stand on it's own? But yeah, no, it totally makes sense after playing them back to back. They're both moderately fun experiences hampered by a lack of strong artistic and conceptual direction, settling instead on a generally high quality level of polish more than anything else. For the gamers, this is honestly what matters most, but as someone with a critical aesthetic eye, I can't help but feel underwhelmed that they'd return to something so... plain.
It's still fun regardless, but alas, it's more or less the same as it ever was.
I really do wish this was a Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze situation where I'd come out of this replay with a newfound appreciation, but unfortunately, I'm still not too keen on Super Mario 3D World. It's been a decently relaxing and fun playthrough, don't get me twisted! But there's still a lot of particulars that rub me the wrong way...
While I understand why it controls the way it does, I don't really jive with how limited and stiff it feels to play (Well, compared to the other 3D Marios). While the shift from full analogue to 8 way movement severely hampers Mario & Co.'s more complex moves, it does make the flagpole jump and special zones a cinch to pull off. Nobody wants to fail these climactic and joyful little moments just because of a slight twitch of the thumb, right? What I can't justify is STILL how awkward it is to start sprinting, especially when the 2D games had it all figured out in the 1980's! It's like driving a car with a spluttering engine with how stop and start it feels, in sharp contrast to the the smooth speed gradients of the rest of the series. I'm not naive enough to have expected them to fix these things, but it's the main reason why I kept my distance from this port for so long...
Perhaps more soul crushing is that the art direction is still as depressingly sauceless as ever, especially so after Odyssey's overabundance of style. I do genuinely love the work that went into the character and enemy models, but it's hard to appreciate them when the level theming is so, so general in nature. Nothing links them together in any meaningful way, and (outside of lazy gestures to the wonderful stage theming of SMB3 and the half-assed geometrics of SMW), the overworlds are baron wastelands that clinically represent some sort of environmental climate and very little else. Killing Miiverse, in effect, also gutted this game of a large part of it's original identity, like a government body scrubbing away layers of graffiti for a block colour paint job. There's no real heart behind any of it, to push it above being anything other than 'decent enough', despite aging incredibly well on a technical level, you know?
But hey, at least the music, in direct contrast, is still the best a Mario game's ever sounded? Not really sure what happened at the company that allowed their musicians to completely pop off during what's otherwise an aesthetically void period of their catalogue, but I'm all ears for it! And while I haven't said too much about the gameplay as a whole (it really is just 3D Land 2 in oblique projection), it runs a little faster now and collectibles are less of a hassle to collect, making it a smoother experience overal- Well, outside of the touch screen sections, but that's just the nature of porting a Wii U game, isn't it...
I initially thought it was a little strange that they bundled this with Bowser's Fury. Wouldn't you want the bold next step in Mario's journey to stand on it's own? But yeah, no, it totally makes sense after playing them back to back. They're both moderately fun experiences hampered by a lack of strong artistic and conceptual direction, settling instead on a generally high quality level of polish more than anything else. For the gamers, this is honestly what matters most, but as someone with a critical aesthetic eye, I can't help but feel underwhelmed that they'd return to something so... plain.
It's still fun regardless, but alas, it's more or less the same as it ever was.