110 Reviews liked by Strafe


I should've liked this game more, cause I love las vegas and I love tactical shooters and I love rainbow 6 siege but this game just proved to me...............................................................................................................................(I hope you guys trust me ok?? what I'm about to say may be a little controversial................. ok? you've been warned!) how terrible consoles were for video games... STICK WITH ME!!! LET ME FINISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK????? JUST LISTEN!!

Imagine you're me and you're playing this game. You're not crazy in love with it and wondering why. You walk up to a door, wanting to use the snake cam to peek ahead. But since snake cam is used when near a door and pressing spacebar, and that exact same button is used for opening the door, and that same button is used for calling your teammates to the door for breach, you don't do what you want to do and you die. You wonder... why are 3 actions put on the same button? I'm on a keyboard and there are plenty of other buttons to use. Space bar is also used to tell your teammates to move, or to vault over objects. It's all contextual but very often these things overlap. Each one of these functions could've gone on separate buttons, or if it becomes overwhelming you could've done what games figured out years ago and have a little drop-down menu where you walk up to a door, hold the standard button that every action uses, and it pops up a little menu. If you're next to a corpse in hitman blood money, this menu shows what items you can pick up. There's a gun on the floor, he dropped his keycard, and with that, you won't be fumbling around with the camera pointing it at a direct pixel so the right button prompt shows up on the screen so you can control your character. When they started developing games for consoles and PC's, they were completely different. I remember the Shrek 2 game on consoles was like a 4-player thing and the Shrek 2 game on pc was a 3d platformer. Do you know why? Same reason lego batman on DS is different from lego batman on ps3. No offense to consoles you guys are awesome I love devil may cry and zelda and halo. I've got a lot more to say about this but really I should just leave it at that so I don't get upset. For what it's worth this game was still fun, after the standard military shooter opening level that almost made me abandon it right out the box, vegas was super cool and shootouts were fun as hell with you giving commands to your teammates. When it works, it's really cool. Waiting for enemies to walk up near the door watching them on snake cam and giving your guys the command to blow down the door at the right time to take both of them out Is undeniably cool and tactical. Maybe the sequel will do better? We'll see. Chaos theory had a bunch more cool gadgets than this maybe there's gonna be more cool gadgets in 2. I just want to do fun swat shit in las vegas and this game gave me some of what i wanted.

Even as a horror fan, horror games can be incredibly stressful. Only after I've finished playing one do I start to appreciate the thrill of it all, and in spite of the delay, it's enough to keep me coming back these stories over and over again. However, Silent Hill 2 isn’t a thrilling type of horror. It’s exhausting, it’s grey, it’s confusing. The gameplay isn’t interesting, it’s usually just wandering around, trying to make what little progress you can like navigating an unfamiliar room in the dark. The story is unrelentingly bleak, so don’t expect villains to overcome or wrongs to right, there aren’t any positive emotions you get to walk away with when playing this game. If the criteria to judge a game is in the pleasantness of its interactivity, this game gets a failing grade, but that was never the intention of this design. Most narrative-focused games tell their stories like a movie with interactive setpieces, but this one does it with every single detail. The depressive atmosphere, the confusion you feel, the design of the enemies, they’re all just as much a part of the story as the cutscenes. The feelings of the depressed and isolated protagonist are conveyed so thoroughly that they begin affecting the player, and the small decisions they make are incorporated into the character, subtly changing the story to line up with the player’s outlook. The narrative presentation is flawlessly comprehensive, no opportunity was wasted, a quality that few games have ever achieved. This type of story won’t resonate with everyone, but anyone who cares about interactive narratives needs to experience why this game is still the gold standard.

One of the best video games I've ever played. It perfectly and seamlessly adapts Breaking Bad into the palm of your hand while also being an unforgettable experience. The side story "Mikes Origins: Kid Named Finger" Is something I didn't know I wanted until now, I'd go as far as to say it's better than both Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul combined. And as Walter says in season 2 "I NEED TO SEE Breaking Bad: Criminal Elements"

Invader Zim levels of critique on capitalism.
We're better than the corporations because our social atomisation, dissociation from community doesnt have a Pip Boy mascot. Let's kill "Marauders" (please don't ask who or what they are). Damn is that gun a Gucci? We replaced the politics of New Vegas with a gripping perk system that entirely leans on combat stat boosts. The extent of this game's role-playing capability is deciding whether or not to be a character who presses the bullet time button. Randomly generated loot lends to the sheer artifice of this world, the characters are all jokes and interacting with them is like flicking a bobblehead. This review is as short and unfocused as the game is.

The one thing I never expected an Obsidian game to be was terminally uninteresting but that's exactly what The Outer Worlds is. A collection of shallow systems, characters, and quests that sort of affect the illusion of a proper RPG with depth and consequence but in reality offers nothing of the sort.

The almost cartoonish lack of depth in the gameplay is mirrored in the story, which is a smarmy and infuriatingly smug monument to Enlightened Centrism that wraps itself in a veneer of anti-capitalist rhetoric so thin that it would struggle to appear meaningfully leftist even to someone who gets all their political opinions from Breadtube. Faux-empathetic South Park politics for the Rick and Morty generation, where picking an actual side is always fucking stupid and you should always strive for a meaningless compromise in order to preserve the status quo.

Genuinely astonishing that this came from the same studio that released Pillars 2 just prior, a game that, for all it's issues, actually had the guts to grab you by the neck and tell you to pick a fucking side, to get some god damn ideology, and actually let you meaningfully change the broken world it presented. That game was the real New Vegas 2 you've all been clamouring for, but no one bought it, so I guess we're stuck with this.

Nothing else to really say because there's basically nothing else in here. An utterly empty and vacuous game that doesn't even manage to surpass Fallout 4. A snake oil salesman promising you a miracle solution to bring back the Fallout you remember, but get past the fancy logo and uncork that bottle, and you'll find nothing in there but dust and echoes.

This game is impressive in how it is one of the most soulless, industry plant-type creations I have ever bared witness to, but it is depressingly getting exactly what it wants in the longterm:
-Massive, influential YouTubers and content creators covering the game and giving it publicity it doesn't deserve
-Dronelike theorizing about nothing lore, with TWO videos by MatPat (where even he subtly decries the shady, scummy business practices of some of the people behind this game) regarding the same played-out bullshit story you can imagine
-And massive financial success from greedy, moneygrubbing marketing and merchandising.

The concept of this game being anything resembling "indie" has been entirely erased at this point.

This game is now the Warner Bros. of indie games. And it's genuinely depressing that a game like Five Nights at Freddy's that (while undeniably flawed) was a piece with so much genuine heart, passion, and drive to its creation ended up inspiring such a bland, but unfortunately successful DISASTER of a video game that ends up being just another "children's toys but with a dark twist" product to add to that homogenous glob of indie horror, all while reaping rewards it very much does not deserve.
Fuck this game.

The “Dead Rising” I knew was dragged behind a shed and shot in the sweltering summer of 2010, its rotting shell sharing the same name but carrying the soul of an entirely different beast. Stumbling upon the shambling creature, I fell for its ruse, a 24-hour entanglement with a monster wearing a beloved veil. But for all of the carcass’ failings, I couldn’t bring myself to hate it. Glancing upon the decayed remnants of a lost friend, I still could see the remains of the dearly departed; in spite of the malicious current pulsating through its veins, I still saw the “Dead Rising” that I fell head-over-heels for, crumbling away but still recognizable all the same. Laid to rest and buried away, I said goodbye to not only “Dead Rising” itself, but the love I held for it, not out of new-found hatred, but out of acceptance for what it was becoming. In 2013, something bearing the name “Dead Rising” crawled out of that grave, festering and desecrated.

It’s… extreme, to put it in such intense terms, perhaps hyperbolic. However, as time passes and as I expose myself to more and more of the series, my individual story becomes one of watching something I adore be ripped limb from limb, it’s remains cobbled together in a discombobulated amalgam and presented as a new iteration on “Dead Rising”. The spirit of the original has long been excised, and the withered corpse walks, lacking the stylistic flourishes, the mechanical depth, the heart and soul that the name “Dead Rising” usually encompasses.

Yet despite my obvious grievances with the game, I have reached acceptance in my personal stages of grief. Beyond my preconceived notions of what is or isn't “Dead Rising”, of a minimalist structure maintained by the backbone of breakneck pacing and nerve-shredding time limits, something is under the shallow surface. Buried under the murky sands of mid-2010s design philosophies, emotionless browns and soul-sucking grays plastered under a user interface reminiscent of a thousand mobile games, the embrace of freedom over structure flawlessly encapsulated the mindset behind Dead Rising 3. Disregarding story, tonal consistency, and filing away mechanical grain, the city of Los Perdidos becomes a puerile playground, an endless wave of gory, grotesque, goofy ways to dispatch impressive waves of undead practice dummies.

I wish there was more to say, but Dead Rising 3 casts aside most of what I like about the prior entries, with the tone leading in the grimy direction pushed by its direct predecessor, the oversimplification of combo weapons and streamlining of the leveling system. I can’t fairly say it’s a game I disliked; playing online was still extremely fun, but that comes down to the fact that every game in the world can be fun with someone else, even irredeemable trash. As a game building off of one of my favorite series, it’s a massive let down.

So obviously expect a Dead Rising 4 review in a month or so, We Doin’ This

Note: I played all the Dishonored games back-to-back, so my thoughts here directly follow my review of the first game.

I wasn’t certain of myself when bringing up the cynicism I felt in Dishonored, since there wasn’t a way to factually nail it down, but that same patronizing tone is so persistent in the sequel’s writing that I feel much more self assured. In the first game, it was a result of the chaos system, with its punishments and blatant signposting to ensure that players didn’t make the wrong choices, but now it’s directly presented through spoken dialog. The Outsider’s voice has changed, not just in the literal actor, but in the tone they strike when speaking to Emily, our new protagonist. They used to speak in a way that was detached yet intrigued, but now all subtlety has been replaced with direct questions like “What choices will you make? Are you clever enough to accomplish your goals without spilling a river of blood?”. Emily soliloquizes cliches like “What will I have to do? What will I have to become to stop Delilah?”, it’s all so direct to the audience that it’s practically a fourth-wall break. A large percentage of the dialog in general is dedicated to yelling at players that their decisions will impact Emily’s relationships, rather than using it to actually flesh those relationships out.

This builds into the wider problem with Dishonored 2’s story, how Emily, her relationships, and her struggle have no substance. The thrust of the plot is that Delilah, the illegitimate sister of the previous empress, launches a coup against the young heiress Emily. Delilah’s entrance is certainly violent, but that’s the full extent of Emily’s justification to become judge, jury, and executioner for everyone involved. Her entire motivation is to take back what she feels belongs to her, completely missing the irony of how she’s doing the exact same thing Delilah just did. What doesn’t help is how she constantly talks about how horrible of a ruler she was, how she never paid attention to the papers she was signing, never looked into how the provinces were being ruled, and never listened to what people were telling her, so the first time she shows any interest is after losing the associated privileges. Her allies occasionally call her out for being a terrible person, but it’s sparse and toothless. Here’s my least favorite exchange in the entire series as an example:

Emily: There were parties like that in Dunwall. Full of toadies sucking up to me, stabbing each other in the back.
Meagan: Poor Empress. I could see those party lights from across the river in the abandoned butcher shop where I slept… in the flooded district.
Emily: I know you grew up hard, Meagan. I used to wander Dunwall with my face hidden, but when I got tired of it, I could always go back to the Tower. Karnaca’s given me perspective.
Meagan: Good. After you’ve eliminated the Duke, find what he’s holding for Delilah and take it.

There’s so much wrong with these four lines that it blows my mind. Emily jokes about how irresponsible she’s been and responds to Meagan's tragic story with a level of shallow sympathy that borders on flippancy, but the statement that she’s gained perspective is enough to let it all slide. Worst of all, this is the most character development we ever get for Emily: she never questions her own right to rule, her beliefs are never challenged, and even our devil’s advocate, the Outsider, only seems concerned with how many people she kills along the way. Part of the reason why might be because Corvo can also be selected as the protagonist, using the same powers as last time and throwing the narrative structure of the series in the bin. Corvo’s arc was already complete with the first game, he had power, lost it, and seized it back in a way that reflected the nature of mankind; it was everything a story titled “Dishonored” needed to be. Bringing him back to rescue the same person from another similar threat with the same powers would be questionable even if he was the only protagonist, but mixing it in with the canonical choice of Emily brings us back to that same old player-directed cynicism.

As much time as I’ve spent thinking about it, I can’t come up with a reason why Corvo would be a playable character other than a concern that people wouldn’t want to play as a girl with different powers. It makes sense to include his abilities if they were already working in-engine, but was his character really worth hobbling the plot for? The counterargument is that it lets the gameplay have more depth and variety, and this is where I have to do the exact same thing as the last review: concede how even the feeling that the developers thought I was an idiot who didn’t understand choice, or a pitifully fragile gamer who didn’t want to play as a girl, still wasn’t insulting enough to stop me from enjoying an otherwise well-made game. The environments and level design are fantastic, some of its set-pieces have become legendary, from a technical side it’s all great… but I’m still left hoping for a Dishonored game that trusts me enough to actually appreciate it.

Elden Ring gets caught into the trap of the open-world design: bigger always means better.

There is a sense of discovery in the first 20 hours or so, where you slowly uncover the elements that form the world (characters, enemies, levels, systems...). Many of them are well-known by now, as everyone has pointed out, given their iterative nature. But it's in how is iterated that I think lies the magic of those first 20 hours. The caves, dungeons and mines are my favourite part, having to keep your lantern with you at all times, not knowing where those little assholes will come you from. Little passages, some secrets, a nice boss battle at the end and out. A little adventure in the midst of all that grandiosity.

Sadly, those 20 hours of discoveries and secrets comes to an end rather abruptly, when the iterative becomes repetitive. The same locations, the same enemies, the same bosses, the same items, the same strategy, the same vistas. A boring mosaic. All the magic got swept away for the sake of squeezing all those hours that become junk.

There is much more than just small dungeons, of course. The rest is an extension of dark souls 3, not dark souls 1, with very big and intricate castles, and at the end a stupidly giant mega boss awaiting to be slayed and make a fucking super epic moment, which in many cases read as very similar encounters. I would lie if I'd say that i didn't enjoy (very much enjoy) some of those battles, mainly Radahn and Rennala. They offered something more varied and interesting than just battle, and very refreshing.

Dark souls games have been compered to Berserk ad nauseam, pointing at all the homages and references to Miura's biggest work. It is considered that Dark Souls 3, even this one, kept some of the spirit of the manga faithfully. Recently, I was once again listening to Susumu Hirasawa's ost for the anime while re-reading the manga, and when this song started https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZa0Yh6e7dw, I realised that we view Berserk through different lenses, because there is no moment in all Elden Ring that even resembles this.

If that wasn't enough, I've also been replaying Dark Souls 1 at the same time, and it's really jarring the comparison. People destroyed Dark Souls 2 for not capturing the essence of the first one, but I now think they only meant the world wasn't fully interconnected, because Elden Ring is nothing like the first one in the worst ways! DS1 gets much better the spirit of Berserk, the melancholy of a dark and twisted world, full of violence but with traces of hope to continue. Some of the characters you meet along the journey are too cynical to keep going, some of them still hold the will to go forward, many will fall into despair, madness and death, but every single one of them are bound to the strength needed to dream a different future. The idea that the world is not going to die this time. Some still believe it, some stopped believing a long time ago. You yourself keep persevering in a world that has died so many times that it doesn't make sense anymore. Buildings are not going down, but the concept of architecture itself is fading. Ugliness can be felt in the colors of the walls, in the faraway trees and landmasses. Elden Ring is too concrete and clean to show that ugliness, and is too convoluted with power plays to make character interactions tragic or memorable (also, maybe having much more characters doesn't help). The only exception is the woman's hug in The Round Table, something that could perfectly have been in DS1.

I read someone explaining the game as "imagine the moment in DS3 when you saw Irithyll for the first time. That's Elden Ring all the time", implying that it was something great. For me, it's not. I got saturated of so much "beauty", so much brightness, so much clarity, so many perfect compositions that it didn't strike me anymore. Since you are going to be traversing a world for a long time, they decided to make STUNNING VISTAS all the time, every time. An attempt to naturalistic open-worlds. In Spanish, there is a word that perfectly describes my sensations: relamido.

Yes, the gameplay is obviously good. Its the previous games with more weapons, which translates in fun ways to approach fights. But I find pretty underwhelming that the thing this game has going for is what people criticise constantly: polish. A bigger and uniform forest with polished trees.

Maybe I'm being more harsh with this game than with any other, but seeing the comparisons with previous games and Berserk, and spending maybe 70 hours with no moving or alienating experiences unlike the previous ones, has made me more bitter towards this spouting of thoughts. Beware games, don't make me play for that long.

This review was written before the game released

Decoded an early beta build and somehow I was tracked down by the Bandai Namco police and promptly beaten to a pulp. Before I am assassinated by Miyazaki Hidetaka himself, I was allowed to share this one detail: This game is actually a sequel to Klonoa 2 and a prequel to Soda Drinker Pro. With that said, goodbye my friends...

This review contains spoilers

"You have died, and the Nexus has trapped your soul."

"You cannot escape the Nexus."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CW: Brief discussion on the game's use of rape

In Elden Ring, you can never discover anything once. That was the thought that entered my head early in the experience and never quite left it. One of the most evocative parts of the game's genuinely stunning art direction is the walking cathedral, a strange and arresting colossus that stumbles across the Weeping Peninsula, each step ringing the bell that hangs beneath its torso. It was a sight of strange, beautiful magic, the kind of which these games have been good at in the past.

Except, to describe this creature in the singular would be inaccurate. Because Walking Cathedrals appear all over the world of Elden Ring, each one identical in appearance, each one performing an identical, express mechanical function for the player. This cannot be left alone as a strange, unique beast, it has to be reduced to a Type of Content a player can engage with over and over again for a characterless transaction of pure mechanics. It is the excitement of coming across something esoteric that the Souls games have made a core part of their identity, utterly commodified and made into the exact same arc that applied to Assassin's Creed the moment climbing a tower to survey the environment and taking a leap of faith into a haystack below shifted from an exciting and evocative moment into a rote and tiresome mechanical interaction.

Because, that's right everyone, Dark Souls Is Now Open World. Not an open world in the same way that Demon's Souls, Dark Souls, or Dark Souls II were, where you could freely venture down different paths to different bosses and take things in an order outside of the game's expected leveling curve. No, this is an Open World as we understand it today: an enormous ocean of discrete repeated Activities dotted with islands of meaningful bespoke design. There's plenty of stuff to do in this world, but it's all of a specific type - in a catacomb you will navigate stone gargoyles and chalice dungeon designs to a lever that will open a door near the entrance that will contain a boss that you've likely found elsewhere in the world, and will be filled with stone gargoyles. Mines will be filled with mining rock-people and upgrade materials. Towers will have you find three spectral creatures around them in order to open them up and obtain a new Memory Slot. Camps will contain a patrolling enemy type and some loot. Even genuinely enchanting vistas and environments get their space to be repeated in slight variations. Boss battles too will be repeated endlessly, time and time again, with delightful designs like the Watchdog tragically becoming something I sighed and was annoyed to see crop up half-a-dozen times over the course of the adventure, and I was truly, deeply annoyed at fighting no less than about ten or twelve Erdtree Avatars and Dragons, with whom the moves never change and the fight plays out the exact same way every single time.

The first time I discovered these things, I was surprised, delighted even, but by even the second time, the truth that these are copied-and-pasted across the entirety of the Lands Between in order to pad it out became readily apparent, and eventually worn away even the enthusiasm of that first encounter. When I look back on my genuine enjoyment of the first battle with the Erdtree Avatar, I can only feel like an idiot for not realizing that this fight would be repeated verbatim over and over and become less fun every single time. When you've seen one, you've really seen all of them, and this means that by the time you leave Limgrave, you've already seen everything the Open World has to offer.

This is, of course, to be expected. Open world games simply have to do this. They are an enormous effort to bring into life, and the realities of game production mean that unless you're willing to spend decades on one game, you're going to have to be thrifty with how you produce content. I expect this, I understand this. Fallout: New Vegas is probably my favorite Open World game, but its world is also filled with this template design. But what's to be gained from this in a Dark Souls game? Unlike contemporaries like Breath of the Wild, your verbs of interaction in these games are frighteningly limited, with almost all of the experience boiling down to fighting enemies, and without a variety of interactions, the lack of variety in the huge amounts of content stands out all the more. Does fighting the same boss over and over and traversing the same cave over and over make Souls better? Even if you choose to just ignore all of these parts of the Open World (which is far easier said than done, as due to a very harsh leveling curve and the scarcity of crucial weapon upgrade materials outside of The Mines, the game's design absolutely pushes towards you engaging in these repetitious activities), the Legacy Dungeons that comprise the game's bespoke content are functionally completely separate from the Open World, with not even your Horse permitted to enter. This is no Burnout: Paradise or Xenoblade Chronicles X, which retooled the core gameplay loop to one where the open world was absolutely core to the design: this is a series of middling Dark Souls levels scattered among an open world no different from games like Far Cry or Horizon: Zero Dawn that many Souls fans have historically looked down on, and the game is only worse for it.

NPC storylines in particular suffer massively, as the chances of you stumbling upon these characters, already often quite annoying in past games, are so low as to practically require a wiki if you want to see the end of multiple questlines. However, that assumes that you will want to see the end of these stories and that you are invested in this world, and I decidedly Was Not. Souls games have always had suspect things in them that have gone largely uninterrogated but Elden Ring really brings that ugliness to the surface, with rape being an annoyingly present aspect of the backstories of many characters, and even having multiple characters threaten to rape you, none of which is deployed in a way that is meaningful and is just insufferable edgelord fantasy writing, and the same could be said of the grimdark incest-laden backstory, the deeply suspect trans panic writing surrounding one of the characters, and the enthusiastic use of Fantasy Racism tropes in the form of the Demi-Humans. I remain convinced that George RR Martin's involvement in this game was little more than a cynical publicity stunt, but certainly the game's writing indulges in many of that man's worst excesses, whilst having almost none of his strengths.

None of this is to say that Elden Ring is devoid of enjoyment. While the fact that it did hit just in time for a manic-depressive mood that made me perfectly suited to play a game I could just mindlessly play for a couple of weeks, I did see it through to the end in that time, even if I did rush to the end after a certain point. From Software's artists remain some of the best in the industry, with some incredible environments and boss designs that deserve Olympic gold medals for how much heavy-lifting they're doing to keep the experience afloat. I loved being kidnapped by chests into other parts of the world, and I wish it happened more than a couple of front-loaded times. But the enjoyment I had in it never felt like stemmed from the open world, and even its highest points don't hang with the best bits of the prior installments. Stormveil is probably the level design highlight of the game but it already fades from my mind in comparison to the likes of Central Yharnam or the Undead Burg or the Dragon Shrine. Indeed, the fact that they exist as islands in an ocean of vacuous space between them precludes the so-called "Legacy Dungeons" of this game from having the satisfying loops and interconnections that are often the design highlights of prior entries. The bosses are a seriously uneven mixed bag as well; even setting aside the repetition, as the nasty trend of overturned bosses that started in Dark Souls III rears its unfortunate head again. The superboss Melania is an interesting design utterly ruined by her obscene damage output, and my personal highlight of the game, Starscourge Radagon, who is the only boss fight that felt like it played to the things that Elden Ring brought to the table, and is a moment among the series that the game can truly claim as it's very own...but the tuning of the fight prevented it from being the triumphant coming-together moment that it is clearly attempting for many of my friends, who left the fight feeling that it was just annoying and tedious. Modern From Software could never make a fight like Maiden Astrea again because they'd insist on making her really hard in a way that actively detracts from the emotional experience in the fight. Boss fights can be about more than just providing a challenge, and I think From has forgotten that.

Taken as a series of its legacy dungeons, of its finest moments, I think Elden Ring would only be a middling one of these games. The additions to the formula feel anemic and unbalanced, the multiplayer implementation is honestly a quite considerable step back from prior games (the decision to have the majority of invasions only occur during co-operation feels like an attempt to weed out trolls picking on weaker players but in reality what it does is make equal fights are next-to-impossible and put Seal-Clubbers in a place where they are the only players who can effectively invade, a completely baffling decision), but it's really the open world I keep coming back to as the reason this game doesn't work. Not only does it add nothing that wasn't already present in better ways in prior games, but it actively detracts from the experience. The promise of the Open World is one of discovery, of setting off in uncharted directions and finding something new, but do Open Worlds actually facilitate this any better than more linear games? I don't know if they do. I felt a sense of discovery and finding something in so many of these games, even the most linear ones, and felt it stronger because the game was able to use careful, meticulous level design to bring out those emotions. Walking out of a cave and seeing Irithyll of the Boreal Valley, or Dead Man's Wharf stretch out before me, were moments of genuine discovery, and they would not be improved if I found six more Dead Man's Wharfs throughout the game. Contrary to their promise, in my experience, the open world, rather than create a sense of discovery, undermine it due to the compromises necessary to create these worlds. All the openness does for your discoveries is let you approach them from a slightly different angle as everyone else.

That is, if you can even claim to have discovered anything in the first place. To call Elden Ring derivative of prior games in this milieu would be a gross understatement. I am far from the first person to note that the game's much-hyped worldbuilding is largely content to regurgitate Souls Tropes with the Proper Nouns replaced with much worse ones, but it goes beyond that - entire questlines, plot beats, character arcs, dungeon designs, enemies, and bosses are lifted wholesale from prior games practically verbatim. More often than not Elden Ring feels closer to a Greatest Hits album than a coherent piece in and of itself, a soulless and cynical repackaging of prior Souls Classics, irrevocably damaged by being torn from the original context from which they belonged. I'm not a fan of Dark Souls III, in part because it too is also a game that leans on repetition of prior games, but at the very least the game was about those repetitions, where yes, old areas and characters would be repeated, but at least it was thematically resonant with what the game was doing. Elden Ring can't even claim that. Whatever this shallow mess of a narrative, easily the worst of the franchise thus far by my reckoning, is going for, it is done no favors by being this stitched-together Frankenstein of Souls.

I was particularly shocked by the sheer ferocity with which the game steals from the fan-favorite Bloodborne. Quick, tell me if you've heard this one before: you encounter a hunched, bestial foe, who fights you with their fists, but once you get their health halfway down, the battle stops, a cutscene plays, where they speak coherently, summon a blade from their past, and stand with their former dignity restored, the music changes, and their name is revealed to be "X the Y Blade". Or what about a hub area, separated in its own liminal space from the rest of the map, that can be discovered in its True Form in the material world? What about when that hub area is wreathed in spectral flame and begins to burn as the final hours of the game is nigh? These are far from the only examples, as there are multiple enemies and ideas throughout the game that are shamelessly lifted from my personal favorite From Software effort, but these stand out as the most noxious of all, as they simply repeat beats that were effective in the game they originated from because the game was able to build to them and have them resonate with the rest of the experience. You cannot just graft things whole cloth from prior work onto a new one and expect it to work as a coherent piece, the very prospect is ridiculous.

When Elden Ring did all this, my jaw about hit the floor from the sheer unmitigated gall. When it chose to conclude itself with a straight-faced Moon Presence reference, complete with an arena that directly evokes the Hunter's Dream, I just had to laugh. The final statement the game made on itself, the bullet point it chose to put on the experience, was "Remember Bloodborne? That was good, wasn't it?" Because in many ways, that really was a perfect conclusion to this game.

While it would be a mistake to claim, as people seem increasingly eager to, that Souls emerged entirely out of the magical ocean that is Hidetaka Miyazaki's unparalleled genius or whatever, as these games have always drawn heavy inspiration from properties like Berserk, Book of the New Sun, and The Legend of Zelda, and were built on top of a framework clearly established by past Fromsoft series King's Field, the reason I think that myself and many others were initially enthralled by the promise of Demon's Souls or Dark Souls was because they were decidedly different. Their esoterica, willingness to buck modern design conventions and hugely evocative online elements were why these games set imaginations alight so strongly, and proved enormously influential for the past decade of game design.

Demon's Souls felt like something new. And while successive games in this series have felt far less fresh, none of them have felt as utterly exhausted as Elden Ring: a final statement from the designers and writers at From Software that they have officially Ran Out of Ideas, that the well has long gone dry, that all they can do is to hastily staple on the modern design trends they once rejected onto a formula that does not gel with them, and that they are wandering without life through a never-ending cycle of their own creation, branded by the Darksign. Perhaps it's no surprise that their least inventive, least consistent, and least creative game since Demon's Souls is also by far their most successful. Once From Software defied conventions and trends, and now, they are consumed by them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You have died, and the Nexus has trapped your soul."

"You cannot escape the Nexus."

This review contains spoilers

Rise unhindered, augur of darkness. Your life is one defined by many behind you, of furtive pygmies and bearers of wretched curses, where chosen undead and champions of ash spill blood and reap countless souls in the unbroken climb towards an insurmountable goal. The Age of Fire has burnt out, The Hunt has concluded, and atop the carnage of a million shambling corpses, you stand triumphant. However, time flows unceasingly, and with it, the memories of the past become one with the ether, and a valiant hero is called to usher in a new era. Hunters all, Kindred, Chosen, and Cursed, flow into a corporeal amalgam. Awaken, Tarnished. Raise your blade in the face of yet another unending struggle, and earn your place in the hollow halls of history. A tale told in cyclical fashion, the story repeats anew, Soulsborne by way of AI generation.

Elden Ring survives off of a concentrated slurry of highlights from From Software’s extended catalog, a regurgitation of recollections better left to the past. Mechanically, narratively, thematically, down to the aesthetics of the Lands Between, the world speaks in jumbled Dark Fantasy Mad Libs and “If [X] than [Y]” statements carefully pruned from its predecessors. Run through the gameplay loop with me: You, a Hollow – I mean, Tarnished, must fight against unbearable odds, earning Souls – er, Ruins, which you spend at a Bonfi– Lost Grace, while exploring desiccated castles, rotting villages, and vile swamps, all in the name of Ending the Age of Fire Becoming the Elden Lord and ringing in the Age of Darkness Stars.

It is impossible to put into words how much Elden Ring thrives off of being derivative, which… hurts, considering From Software's obvious skill at what they do. The formula of a Souls game has been perfected to science here, but in the process of refining it over a decade, the eponymous soul of the series has faded. What remains, a slideshow of “best of” snapshots, seeks to embolden dedicated fans of the Souls series into believing this is the definitive experience, a shambling husk wearing the skin of innovation.

None of this is to say that the game doesn’t have its moments, but the issue lies in repetition. Elden Ring is a vast void, a massive blank canvas splattered with algorithmic strokes, “content-aware fill” as a design principle. Case in point, the Tree Sentinel exists as the first truly foreboding enemy you encounter, an indestructible knight that aims to smash and skewer Tarnished too brave to give up and too stupid to run. However, the memories associated with that first conflict muddle when he returns… But There’s Two Of Him. Or even further on, where a third match-up happens, with the key difference being “do bigger numbers”. Let's not get into the many times Godrick is thrown at the player as a threat, over and over and over again.

For something derived from Dark Souls, it's painful to see how soulless this successor feels. Mechanically, systematically, it’s fine, but there’s no real passion or love found beneath the surface. Writing too deeply about it almost feels wasteful: It’s Dark Souls Again. If you want Dark Souls, here it is, almost entirely unaltered. If you don’t, this is still Dark Souls, you’ll get nothing new out of it. The Age of Stars extends its icy reach to the cosmos, and all I can do is recollect on nostalgia's frozen embrace.

A challenge can be anything that’s difficult to achieve, but to be challenged, in the sense of being called to action, carries a much more complicated set of implications. The most distinct is a sense of inescapability, that there are no alternatives but to rise and give your best within a certain set of limitations. The difference between the two is core to what I found lacking in Elden Ring, but it’s also what I think lies at the center of the game’s unprecedented appeal. In a game like Dark Souls, you could find yourself at the bottom of Blighttown with no way to easily boost your weapons, no way to upgrade your flask, no way to try a different weapon, nothing, you had to either press onwards, or do what no player wants to do, climb back out and redo the whole thing when more prepared. For lack of a better term, it was a challenge in both the intransitive and transitive senses; it was difficult, and it also confronted players with that sense of inescapability. Elden Ring’s wide open world with unimpeded access to weapon upgrades, weapon arts, summons, physick flasks, alternative progression paths, and so much more means that the only time the game presents an active challenge is an hour from the end, in the final couple bosses. The rest of the game is a wide open space where you can always go where you’re prepared, and snowball without pressure. The Souls games always let players do this to some extent, but the ease with which this can be achieved in Elden Ring is its unique selling point, and thus why I think it’s so appealing to newcomers. An open space dotted with intransitive challenges allows players of all skill levels to enjoy themselves in the way they want to, and never hit any brick walls. For me though, the most memorable parts of the series were the times like Blighttown and the drop into Anor Londo, when I knew that my only real choice was to press onwards against all odds. Elden Ring is clearly an artistically ambitious game, and I can applaud and respect it for that, but now that I’ve finished it, I’m left without any similar moments to remember. I’ll certainly recall playing it, but that's a lot different from an experience hoping “to be remembered”.

About halfway into this game, I made an interesting discovery - you can take any girl to the planetarium at any time and tell them that our stars are millions of years old; they no longer exist, and one day the same will be true of us, too. It will always make them really happy. It doesn’t matter if it’s the preppy girl, the nerdy girl, the clumsy girl or the punk girl - reminding someone of the pale blue dot will improve your relationship with them.

What does that mean, exactly? That people, regardless of personal status and beliefs and perceptions, find comfort in being reminded of their insignificant end? Or that you aren’t talking to people at all - you’re just stirring electrons across silicon to simulate a conversation with a girl, sending your light millions of miles away to a virtual Tokyo in 1997 that doesn’t exist? Or did the programmers just forget to account for variance in this one scenario out of thousands, and had all these digital girls react in the exact same way to your Carl Sagan impression? Who knows.

This “infinite diversity, infinite combinations” style of game-reading defines a shadow that will perpetually be cast over this game’s existence in the West by ACTION BUTTON REVIEWS Tokimeki Memorial, the video-essay that more or less lays the blueprint of many classic Backloggd reviews we’ve all grown to love. In my opinion, Tim Rogers (or at least the character of Tim Rogers that Tim Rogers presents in ACTION BUTTON REVIEWS: Season 1) is a patron saint of sorts for this site - a mortal archetype of game-liker who acts as a guiding light for the infamous reviewers here who like to compare 1994’s Game Boy port of Taz-Mania to a fond midsummer’s day, or speculate on the Gulf War-adjacent cultural implications of Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal for the PlayStation 3.

To me, these ‘deranged’ assessments of video games are the most enjoyable way to respond to what is essentially a consumable product - honestly documenting your personal reactions and mental explorations as prompted by a game and its world, eschewing even the slightest hint of constructing a GRAPHICS: 7 | REPLAYABILITY: 4 | STORY: 6 table, rejecting the need to perform a fumbled technical analysis of the ray-adjacent teralighting and polytetrahedro-counts. Years of reading games magazines and games websites has taken a dreadful toll on us, and I think we can unlearn what we have learned by dreaming of the stars while fragging pigcops in Duke Nukem 3D: Duke’s Penthouse Paradise.

This push-and-pull between souls and spreadsheets came to define my playthrough of Tokimeki Memorial: Densetsu no Ki no Shita de¹. To get it out of the way early: I don’t really approve of dating games. I think there’s something insidious and oily and ungodly about them - this idea that you can simulate a power fantasy where an entire class of schoolgirls dance in the palm of your hand, a hand that grips a cold plastic controller in place of the warm human hand of another soul. It is, in a word, pathetic. I don’t approve of dating games in much the same way I don’t enjoy the idea of the dating games we play with each other in reality. It’s not a healthy way to face our interpersonal realities. Dating sims write poems for the emasculated.

To give credit where credit is due - I think the functional bits and bytes of the gameplay here could easily transplant to a game where you are a 27 year old single person with a smartphone and an office job. Switch out Yoshio’s notepad for a Tinder contact lists and the local park for a local bar and I think you’d have a remarkable facsimile of the modern adult dating landscape. But that game doesn’t exist, and you instead find yourself trying to find meaning in a Japanese game developer’s longing for a high school experience he definitely never had. Applying this idea in reverse, does skinning the disposable round-robin experience of modern online dating with a coat of PG13+ 90s chou kawaii high school paint make it somehow more desirable to us, in much the same way we covet Japan’s urban sprawl and sakura scenery over the views of own environment?

For me, Tokimeki Memorial isn’t “the Rosetta Stone of gaming” by any meaningful stretch; I feel like Tim Rogers did a six-hour gold-panning in a dirty digital river, trying to find nuggets of meaning in an exploitative little product for lonely boys that isn’t really all that far off from the insidious pachislots that Konami are now infamously known for. Make a number go up until a girl acknowledges your existence, and then manipulate her into liking “you” by reading a strategy guide inside or outside the computer game. Roll the dice on whether your girlfriend likes blue dresses or green dresses. Got it wrong? Too bad. Perhaps you can live without regret by reloading another of your save files. Put another coin in the slot and hope the right number comes up this time. Want to form a meaningful, long-lasting bond with your oldest friend? Manage and manipulate the lives and hearts of everyone around you like a ruthless restaurant manager filling out a work schedule. And so on, until you stand under the Tree of Legends and pretend to yourself and your trophy sprite that this was all destined to be. You "love Mio"? What the fuck is Mio in relation to you? The sociopathy here is amusing to acknowledge, but can be worryingly internalised, like all bad jokes. How long before gamification inverts your digital and physical lives, and you demand that genuine girls give gratifying gamerscore?

————————
¹ Known as Heartthrob Memorial: Under the Tree of Legends when the English translation patch is applied.