UrLocalBanktoad
1331 reviews liked by UrLocalBanktoad
so this was a showcase for the wiimote and assorted control options in the way CING's DS games were for the touchscreen and other features. it was nice but i probably would've enjoyed it a bit more if i wasn't having frequent control problems trying to play in Dolphin with mouse+keyboard on top of multiple freezes near the end.
was surprised by how slow paced and generally easy going this was for the most part. the original game was similar but it was only a mere fraction of the length. it mostly works out okay but i found myself enjoying myself more with the lowkey exploration around the lake versus some of the stuff when things fully unravel near the end.
good, not great but a sizable improvement over the original Another Code/Trace Memory either way. curious to see if the remakes end up shifting my feelings on either one.
feels truly bittersweet to have finished all of CING's material of this kind. i guess i could always work backwards and try Glass Rose but reception for that seems rough to say the least.
was surprised by how slow paced and generally easy going this was for the most part. the original game was similar but it was only a mere fraction of the length. it mostly works out okay but i found myself enjoying myself more with the lowkey exploration around the lake versus some of the stuff when things fully unravel near the end.
good, not great but a sizable improvement over the original Another Code/Trace Memory either way. curious to see if the remakes end up shifting my feelings on either one.
feels truly bittersweet to have finished all of CING's material of this kind. i guess i could always work backwards and try Glass Rose but reception for that seems rough to say the least.
This is what happens to Nintendo devs when you emulate their games! Shame on all of you š”š”š”
I've never been much of an FPS guy, and I've had no interaction with Xbox consoles. I always had either a Nintendo system or a PlayStation console.
And the reason why that is simply because I never was too interested in what Xbox had to offer. Just wasn't for me.
But in the last few years, I've begun to have an interest over playing the Halo series, especifically the Halo: The Master Chief Collection, to get an idea of what the games are like.
While my PC can barely run these games, I was able to get the collection on Steam, and I was able to play through the 1st game, using the old graphics. I should note that this review is only based around the Single-Player Campaign, as at the time of writing this review, I have not experienced the Multiplayer.
Halo: Combat Evolved revolves around Master Chief and Cortana's mission to stop the Convenant (an alien species) from causing havoc and investigating what this Halo is.
While the story isn't complex, it does have some twists here and there, which I won't spoil here. One thing that I did like was the dynamic between Chief and Cortana. While they don't always interact, the moments they do were nice to watch, and I hope to see more of their conversations in future titles.
For the presentation, I did play with the older graphics, but I was surprised that, for a 2001 game, this game doesn't look half-bad. Sometimes, it even looks pretty beautiful! Of course, there are definitely low-res. textures and models that haven't aged gracefully, but I think the game looks decent overall.
For the music, of course everyone knows of the main theme of the series. So much so, many guys have sung it in a school bathroom! But I was also surprised that the rest of the soundtrack holds up pretty well.
There's a part of it that is pretty atmospheric, but there's another that can be really catchy. It strikes a nice balance between being atmospheric, tense, blood-pumping, and epic!
Like, the moments where you hear the main theme got me hyped, not gonna lie.
Now, the biggest part of the game, the gameplay! It's a first-person shooter, and one of the most influential out there, alongside its older sibling, Doom. Since I was on PC, I decided to play it with mouse and keyboard, which felt pretty comfortable. I assume using a controller would also feel nice, but I am not the greatest at using a right analogue stick to aim.
This might be because I am noob when it comes to FPS's, but I was surprised that this game does not have a run button. And sometimes, I did really want to run in the game's missions.
Oh well, if this is the case for now, then I'll get used to it.
Besides that, you can crouch, switch weapons, use a flashlight, and jump. You know, the usual stuff.
I'm glad to say that Master Chief controls great!
The game also has some vehicles for you to control, and they were fine. The Warthog was a bit slippery at first, but I got used to it.
As for the level design... it's alright, but it definitely gets repetitive the further you go.
It's not all bad, because I did like revisting some locations later on in the game, but Mission 7 was one of the worst when it comes to that. It kept on going and going, and did not change its level design much, which annoyed me.
Other times, I feel like the game's world was a bit too big, and going on foot was simply too slow. Thankfully, most of the time they give you a vehicle, but the world could've been a bit more "used", if you catch my drift.
Thankfully, I don't think this is a game where you'll get lost much. It's pretty linear and objectives are easy to figure out.
Rule of thumb would be: If it feels like you are backtracking, but you're seeing new enemies spawning, then you're going the right way.
Overall, I came away from this game pleasantly surprised! While the game's level design could've been better, I had fun playing through Halo: Combat Evolved's campaign!
And the reason why that is simply because I never was too interested in what Xbox had to offer. Just wasn't for me.
But in the last few years, I've begun to have an interest over playing the Halo series, especifically the Halo: The Master Chief Collection, to get an idea of what the games are like.
While my PC can barely run these games, I was able to get the collection on Steam, and I was able to play through the 1st game, using the old graphics. I should note that this review is only based around the Single-Player Campaign, as at the time of writing this review, I have not experienced the Multiplayer.
Halo: Combat Evolved revolves around Master Chief and Cortana's mission to stop the Convenant (an alien species) from causing havoc and investigating what this Halo is.
While the story isn't complex, it does have some twists here and there, which I won't spoil here. One thing that I did like was the dynamic between Chief and Cortana. While they don't always interact, the moments they do were nice to watch, and I hope to see more of their conversations in future titles.
For the presentation, I did play with the older graphics, but I was surprised that, for a 2001 game, this game doesn't look half-bad. Sometimes, it even looks pretty beautiful! Of course, there are definitely low-res. textures and models that haven't aged gracefully, but I think the game looks decent overall.
For the music, of course everyone knows of the main theme of the series. So much so, many guys have sung it in a school bathroom! But I was also surprised that the rest of the soundtrack holds up pretty well.
There's a part of it that is pretty atmospheric, but there's another that can be really catchy. It strikes a nice balance between being atmospheric, tense, blood-pumping, and epic!
Like, the moments where you hear the main theme got me hyped, not gonna lie.
Now, the biggest part of the game, the gameplay! It's a first-person shooter, and one of the most influential out there, alongside its older sibling, Doom. Since I was on PC, I decided to play it with mouse and keyboard, which felt pretty comfortable. I assume using a controller would also feel nice, but I am not the greatest at using a right analogue stick to aim.
This might be because I am noob when it comes to FPS's, but I was surprised that this game does not have a run button. And sometimes, I did really want to run in the game's missions.
Oh well, if this is the case for now, then I'll get used to it.
Besides that, you can crouch, switch weapons, use a flashlight, and jump. You know, the usual stuff.
I'm glad to say that Master Chief controls great!
The game also has some vehicles for you to control, and they were fine. The Warthog was a bit slippery at first, but I got used to it.
As for the level design... it's alright, but it definitely gets repetitive the further you go.
It's not all bad, because I did like revisting some locations later on in the game, but Mission 7 was one of the worst when it comes to that. It kept on going and going, and did not change its level design much, which annoyed me.
Other times, I feel like the game's world was a bit too big, and going on foot was simply too slow. Thankfully, most of the time they give you a vehicle, but the world could've been a bit more "used", if you catch my drift.
Thankfully, I don't think this is a game where you'll get lost much. It's pretty linear and objectives are easy to figure out.
Rule of thumb would be: If it feels like you are backtracking, but you're seeing new enemies spawning, then you're going the right way.
Overall, I came away from this game pleasantly surprised! While the game's level design could've been better, I had fun playing through Halo: Combat Evolved's campaign!
pure fun. it's good in a completely different way than the south park rpgs, which i do prefer, but this is just really well done action gameplay. the first 2 chapters are a bit of a slog, but the rest is fantastic. i love it!
Parry Nightmare
2024
Parry Nightmare is something of a bullet hell game, where instead of solely trying to dodge your main form of attack is parrying approaching enemies. You play as a soul, trapped in a lucid nightmare along with your demonic guardian Honnou, in which you must fight and reflect on major points of trauma and stress in your life.
I have a few points of contention with this game. I will start first by saying that aesthetically and atmospherically, it succeeds hard. Despite being short, it gives off a well polished and kind of eccentric vibe... when I first started playing, I thought it had a feeling like Paper Mario or Warioware though the gameplay didnt reflect that, of course.
The game is hard. It might be one of the most difficult games I have ever played. It is not like other bullet hells, where they slowly ease you into things, with your safety net of bombs or other clearing objects for when you get stuck. You stand in a circular room, enemies coming from all sides, your main point of interaction is hitting A when an enemy gets within a certain range of you to parry. Honnou will then shoot when they are down and you can collect a light fragment from them, 100 being needed to beat the level... though, one light drop from one enemy only seems to be .1 instead of a full figure, which isnt that big of a problem, but you also cant see at first and need to collect 70 of these light drops to have a full range of the room. You can not take many hits, and when youre down to your last health you become sluggish until you gain some more (which pretty much means youre going to die), your clearing bomb isnt on hand but instead its built up when you do well, so if you get hit once or parry early you can lose it and become overwhelmed. Bosses can also only be hit with this attack and take up a large portion of the arena. Even though traditional bullet hells are long, somehow dying in this feels worse. The levels are short, can be beaten in under 5 minutes, but somehow every time I died I felt like it wasnt my fault. Enemies move very, very fast and its incredibly easy to just have a boss sit its ass right down on you when youre sluggish and can barely move. It feels like I make one tiny mistake, parry early, my level goes down (as it does when you miss a parry), then Honnou isnt strong enough to fight off everyone and I get overwhelmed and die and now its dark again and uuuuugh. If there was one safety net (like a mid level checkpoint) I feel like it would be much more manageable, but as it is now it is insanely difficult.
Story-wise, I also had a sour taste in my mouth after finishing. Parry Nightmare takes place in Japan, and a lot of the protagonist girl's problems extend out of stresses common in the region (high workload, lack of personal time, shaky relationship with family), and though these issues are semi-universal, the problem presents itself in how the ending treats these traumas. Throughout the game, the girl makes it clear that she is deeply miserable on a base level to the point where she barely recognizes she has things she enjoys. She has little time to herself, her entire life commandeered and seen through what other people expect of her, down to the makeup brand she uses. Her mother makes her deeply unhappy and scared her as a child, her apartment is messy and fraught witn objects reminding her of stress. It is clear that if she continues living the way she is living, ignoring the messages from her body and mind, that she will get deeply sick, live a completely unsatisfying life, and probably die early. That's what I thought the game was leading up to- a wakeup call, time to make a change. Instead, the ending? "Your soul can overcome anything! Just keep pushing through!" And then it cuts to a cutscene where the girl is doing her work efficiently and talking to her mom on the phone, happily. So, what is it then? Was the moral of the story that everyone has things that stress them out, that the best thing we can ever hope to do is "push through them" instead of confronting why it is exactly that we dislike our parents, yet can't seem to admit it, why it is that we force ourselves to work so hard. Is the best we can ever hope to do is "push through" all of it? Is that healthy? There is a major contradiction in the game's messaging here. Though it seems like you're fighting off these traumas at first, it appears all you're capable of doing is subduing them until the next time they wring their ugly neck out in whatever form they take next. It felt icky, watching this person go back to a job they hate and a mother that has hurt them. I cant stand that ideology of "just deal with it" that has ruined many bodies and minds all at once.
So, it was interesting. Parry Nightmare feels good, solid. It's mostly the attitude it takes on the matter of stress that sours my opinion of it in general, as well as the difficulty. If you like short, challenging games then perhaps I would reccomend checking it out, just don't go taking life lessons from it.
I have a few points of contention with this game. I will start first by saying that aesthetically and atmospherically, it succeeds hard. Despite being short, it gives off a well polished and kind of eccentric vibe... when I first started playing, I thought it had a feeling like Paper Mario or Warioware though the gameplay didnt reflect that, of course.
The game is hard. It might be one of the most difficult games I have ever played. It is not like other bullet hells, where they slowly ease you into things, with your safety net of bombs or other clearing objects for when you get stuck. You stand in a circular room, enemies coming from all sides, your main point of interaction is hitting A when an enemy gets within a certain range of you to parry. Honnou will then shoot when they are down and you can collect a light fragment from them, 100 being needed to beat the level... though, one light drop from one enemy only seems to be .1 instead of a full figure, which isnt that big of a problem, but you also cant see at first and need to collect 70 of these light drops to have a full range of the room. You can not take many hits, and when youre down to your last health you become sluggish until you gain some more (which pretty much means youre going to die), your clearing bomb isnt on hand but instead its built up when you do well, so if you get hit once or parry early you can lose it and become overwhelmed. Bosses can also only be hit with this attack and take up a large portion of the arena. Even though traditional bullet hells are long, somehow dying in this feels worse. The levels are short, can be beaten in under 5 minutes, but somehow every time I died I felt like it wasnt my fault. Enemies move very, very fast and its incredibly easy to just have a boss sit its ass right down on you when youre sluggish and can barely move. It feels like I make one tiny mistake, parry early, my level goes down (as it does when you miss a parry), then Honnou isnt strong enough to fight off everyone and I get overwhelmed and die and now its dark again and uuuuugh. If there was one safety net (like a mid level checkpoint) I feel like it would be much more manageable, but as it is now it is insanely difficult.
Story-wise, I also had a sour taste in my mouth after finishing. Parry Nightmare takes place in Japan, and a lot of the protagonist girl's problems extend out of stresses common in the region (high workload, lack of personal time, shaky relationship with family), and though these issues are semi-universal, the problem presents itself in how the ending treats these traumas. Throughout the game, the girl makes it clear that she is deeply miserable on a base level to the point where she barely recognizes she has things she enjoys. She has little time to herself, her entire life commandeered and seen through what other people expect of her, down to the makeup brand she uses. Her mother makes her deeply unhappy and scared her as a child, her apartment is messy and fraught witn objects reminding her of stress. It is clear that if she continues living the way she is living, ignoring the messages from her body and mind, that she will get deeply sick, live a completely unsatisfying life, and probably die early. That's what I thought the game was leading up to- a wakeup call, time to make a change. Instead, the ending? "Your soul can overcome anything! Just keep pushing through!" And then it cuts to a cutscene where the girl is doing her work efficiently and talking to her mom on the phone, happily. So, what is it then? Was the moral of the story that everyone has things that stress them out, that the best thing we can ever hope to do is "push through them" instead of confronting why it is exactly that we dislike our parents, yet can't seem to admit it, why it is that we force ourselves to work so hard. Is the best we can ever hope to do is "push through" all of it? Is that healthy? There is a major contradiction in the game's messaging here. Though it seems like you're fighting off these traumas at first, it appears all you're capable of doing is subduing them until the next time they wring their ugly neck out in whatever form they take next. It felt icky, watching this person go back to a job they hate and a mother that has hurt them. I cant stand that ideology of "just deal with it" that has ruined many bodies and minds all at once.
So, it was interesting. Parry Nightmare feels good, solid. It's mostly the attitude it takes on the matter of stress that sours my opinion of it in general, as well as the difficulty. If you like short, challenging games then perhaps I would reccomend checking it out, just don't go taking life lessons from it.
Joe & Mac Returns
1994
If you take a look over to our right here, you can see aā¦ peculiar individual, constantly running into this wall right here, having no clue about what they are doing, and not wanting to change course or direction to help them get out of this predicament they are in. That individual, readers, represents the state of Joe & Mac around the time that Joe & Mac 2: Lost In the Tropics was released. The game was still good, but while it had some interesting ideas that would have benefited the main gameplay to be much more fun than what we had previously, instead, it does nothing to flesh out these ideas, or even to encourage you to check them out, and thus, you are left with yet another generic prehistoric-themed platformer that comes and goes as fast as the flavor of Fruit Stripe Gum. But hey, maybe that was just a rough patch that the series went through for a second. I mean, surely, they can pick themselves up from here and benefit with another title right?............ well no, because instead, we got Joe & Mac Returns.
At first glance, this game doesnāt seem like anything all too disappointing, just another typical arcade platformer for this series, and one that would be fun enough for a couple of minutes before you move onto something else. For the most part, you would be right, as the game is a good time, featuring plenty of simple, yet fun levels to go through, pleasing visuals, and a gameplay style that is very fun to try out, especially with a buddy to play with you. However, then you notice that, when looking at footage of the game, it is literally just yet another clone of Bubble Bobble, Snow Bros., Buster Bros., or whatever game with a very similar style of gameplay, and that was about the point where I immediately stopped caring, even if the game is still decent as a whole.
The story is non-existant, as it just has Joe & Mac running through all of these different locations and beating the fuck out of everything they run across, which I like to look at not as a lack of plot, but more so just these two letting out their pent up rage and going on a murderous bonking spree, which seems very appropriate for cavemen to do. The graphics are pretty good, looking very similar to that of every other game in this series, but still having plenty of fun designs for the levels, characters, enemies, and bosses, along with animations that go with these designs, the music is alright, having some decent enough tracks to accompany what you are doing, but nothing managed to stick with me after playing, and it didnāt leave that much of an impression either way, and the gameplay/control can pretty much be summarized as āHey, have you ever played Snow Bros.? You have? Well there ya go, just saved ya an hour of your life.ā
But just in case you havenāt played that game, the game is a 2D platformer, where you take control of either Joe or Mac yet again, go through a set of seven different worlds, each with their own set of levels full of plenty of different enemies to take on, club the fuck out of said enemies so you can put them in your sack that you just so happen to be carrying around and throw them at other enemies to take them out, as well as whatever other obstacles you will run across on your journey, gather plenty of different power ups that can assist you in many different ways, and take on plenty of familiar faces for boss fights, who will challenge you to a degree, unless you are fast on the controls, in which case they all fall like a line of dominos. It does everything a game like this should, and many would probably have a good time with it if you are a big fan of those other games I mentioned earlier, even if I wasnāt able to get into it that much myself.
Before I go onto further discussing Joe & Macās mid-life crisis, I may as well go ahead and get all of the positives out of the way, because the game does manage to get a lot right. The main gameplay is solid enough, having the right amount of energy that a series like this should have, plenty of levels to go through to feel like a complete package, and the power ups that you get are fun to mess around with, such as the one that makes you go faster, and the wheel from the previous games, making any enemy you come across go down lickety split, which is so immensely satisfyingā¦ even if it only lasts for that level before being taken away. Not to mention there are other, smaller touches that I enjoyed seeing, such as characters from other Data East title in certain levels, how you can choose the first level you start with from the beginning, and once again, just how great the game looks, considering how the last two titles were restricted to being stuck on the Super Nintendo.
However, while all that is great and all, one question did constantly pop into my head while I was playing the gameā¦ā¦. why does this exist? Why do we need a game like Bubble Bobble and Snow Bros., but for the Joe & Mac series? What, was it because there hadnāt been one of these games yet that was done with a caveman motif? It doesnāt do anything to expand upon the gameplay of those other titles, nor does it really give off the same satisfaction, joy, and magical feeling that those other games did, making me wonder why one would ever choose to play this game over those other titles? Granted, again, it doesnāt really do anything too bad, but it just comes off as bland and lifeless as a result, with its one and only unique trait being that it is a Joe & Mac game, which definitely isnāt enough in this case.
Not to mention, there were definitely elements about the game that I didnāt like. There were the usual issues youād come to expect, such as a tiny bit of arcade syndrome throughout, how the game does drag on a little bit towards the end, and how it forces you to go through a boss rush for a majority of the last world, but I think the one thing that annoyed me the most more than anything else was, oddly enough, Joe & Macās voices. No disrespect to the voice actors who did these lines, as they did a decent enough job, but GODDAMN, they are so annoying, where you hear them let out these loud yelps and phrases all the time that just grate on your ears very quickly. The biggest example of this for me was whenever you would grab any power up found in the game, and your character would react to this by shouting āI GOT A POWER-UP!ā, which made me wanna turn the volume all the way down so badly at many points, it is so annoying. Also, one more issue I wanna bring up is the cutscenes that play in-between each world, where it involves something bad happening to the cavegirls you see throughout the whole game, usually in a sexual manner, which is followed up by a sitcom-ass laugh track that plays over itā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ yeah, kinda makes you feel uncomfortable when you watch it.
Overall, despite my own personal gripes with the game and the genuine ones that do hold it back, this is still a solid enough game, and a great return for the cavemen duo for the arcade, providing fun and satisfying gameplay, plenty of fun to be had with friends, and the amount of charm and zaniness that makes these games appealing at first glance to begin with. I would recommend it for those who were a big fan of the other Joe & Mac games, as well as those who are also fans of Bubble Bobble and Snow Bros., because if you love all of those series dearly, then this game might just be a match made in heaven for you. I just wish that I was able to like it more, and not see it as Data East fumbling around, not sure what to do with this franchise anymore. Not surprising that this would be the last game that the series would ever get for almost 30 years, before the original game got remade in 2022. I actually never played that one either, so I wonder how it isā¦ let me take a look at it real quickā¦
one video later
Huhā¦ ok then. I guess it looks decent enough for a mobile game. someone whispers something in my ear....... what do you mean itās not a mobile game?
Game #568
At first glance, this game doesnāt seem like anything all too disappointing, just another typical arcade platformer for this series, and one that would be fun enough for a couple of minutes before you move onto something else. For the most part, you would be right, as the game is a good time, featuring plenty of simple, yet fun levels to go through, pleasing visuals, and a gameplay style that is very fun to try out, especially with a buddy to play with you. However, then you notice that, when looking at footage of the game, it is literally just yet another clone of Bubble Bobble, Snow Bros., Buster Bros., or whatever game with a very similar style of gameplay, and that was about the point where I immediately stopped caring, even if the game is still decent as a whole.
The story is non-existant, as it just has Joe & Mac running through all of these different locations and beating the fuck out of everything they run across, which I like to look at not as a lack of plot, but more so just these two letting out their pent up rage and going on a murderous bonking spree, which seems very appropriate for cavemen to do. The graphics are pretty good, looking very similar to that of every other game in this series, but still having plenty of fun designs for the levels, characters, enemies, and bosses, along with animations that go with these designs, the music is alright, having some decent enough tracks to accompany what you are doing, but nothing managed to stick with me after playing, and it didnāt leave that much of an impression either way, and the gameplay/control can pretty much be summarized as āHey, have you ever played Snow Bros.? You have? Well there ya go, just saved ya an hour of your life.ā
But just in case you havenāt played that game, the game is a 2D platformer, where you take control of either Joe or Mac yet again, go through a set of seven different worlds, each with their own set of levels full of plenty of different enemies to take on, club the fuck out of said enemies so you can put them in your sack that you just so happen to be carrying around and throw them at other enemies to take them out, as well as whatever other obstacles you will run across on your journey, gather plenty of different power ups that can assist you in many different ways, and take on plenty of familiar faces for boss fights, who will challenge you to a degree, unless you are fast on the controls, in which case they all fall like a line of dominos. It does everything a game like this should, and many would probably have a good time with it if you are a big fan of those other games I mentioned earlier, even if I wasnāt able to get into it that much myself.
Before I go onto further discussing Joe & Macās mid-life crisis, I may as well go ahead and get all of the positives out of the way, because the game does manage to get a lot right. The main gameplay is solid enough, having the right amount of energy that a series like this should have, plenty of levels to go through to feel like a complete package, and the power ups that you get are fun to mess around with, such as the one that makes you go faster, and the wheel from the previous games, making any enemy you come across go down lickety split, which is so immensely satisfyingā¦ even if it only lasts for that level before being taken away. Not to mention there are other, smaller touches that I enjoyed seeing, such as characters from other Data East title in certain levels, how you can choose the first level you start with from the beginning, and once again, just how great the game looks, considering how the last two titles were restricted to being stuck on the Super Nintendo.
However, while all that is great and all, one question did constantly pop into my head while I was playing the gameā¦ā¦. why does this exist? Why do we need a game like Bubble Bobble and Snow Bros., but for the Joe & Mac series? What, was it because there hadnāt been one of these games yet that was done with a caveman motif? It doesnāt do anything to expand upon the gameplay of those other titles, nor does it really give off the same satisfaction, joy, and magical feeling that those other games did, making me wonder why one would ever choose to play this game over those other titles? Granted, again, it doesnāt really do anything too bad, but it just comes off as bland and lifeless as a result, with its one and only unique trait being that it is a Joe & Mac game, which definitely isnāt enough in this case.
Not to mention, there were definitely elements about the game that I didnāt like. There were the usual issues youād come to expect, such as a tiny bit of arcade syndrome throughout, how the game does drag on a little bit towards the end, and how it forces you to go through a boss rush for a majority of the last world, but I think the one thing that annoyed me the most more than anything else was, oddly enough, Joe & Macās voices. No disrespect to the voice actors who did these lines, as they did a decent enough job, but GODDAMN, they are so annoying, where you hear them let out these loud yelps and phrases all the time that just grate on your ears very quickly. The biggest example of this for me was whenever you would grab any power up found in the game, and your character would react to this by shouting āI GOT A POWER-UP!ā, which made me wanna turn the volume all the way down so badly at many points, it is so annoying. Also, one more issue I wanna bring up is the cutscenes that play in-between each world, where it involves something bad happening to the cavegirls you see throughout the whole game, usually in a sexual manner, which is followed up by a sitcom-ass laugh track that plays over itā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ yeah, kinda makes you feel uncomfortable when you watch it.
Overall, despite my own personal gripes with the game and the genuine ones that do hold it back, this is still a solid enough game, and a great return for the cavemen duo for the arcade, providing fun and satisfying gameplay, plenty of fun to be had with friends, and the amount of charm and zaniness that makes these games appealing at first glance to begin with. I would recommend it for those who were a big fan of the other Joe & Mac games, as well as those who are also fans of Bubble Bobble and Snow Bros., because if you love all of those series dearly, then this game might just be a match made in heaven for you. I just wish that I was able to like it more, and not see it as Data East fumbling around, not sure what to do with this franchise anymore. Not surprising that this would be the last game that the series would ever get for almost 30 years, before the original game got remade in 2022. I actually never played that one either, so I wonder how it isā¦ let me take a look at it real quickā¦
one video later
Huhā¦ ok then. I guess it looks decent enough for a mobile game. someone whispers something in my ear....... what do you mean itās not a mobile game?
Game #568
This review contains spoilers
EDIT: Slight change to Eden character description. ššš
It might be pretentious of me to call Rebirth the perfect game. Keyword, might.
But uhhh, it's time for what the entirety of ZeusDeeGoose has been building up to. From shitposts to seemingly endless reviews, here is the review to end all reviews. The K.O. punch, the Industry Baby, here ISā¦
The Binding of Isaac Rebirth is my favorite game of all time. Bar none. Iāve always pushed the game as amazing, but never really put pen to paper on why itās so incredible. Iāve known about Rebirth since around 2015, where it was finally put on the 3DS eShop. It looked so... interesting. The cover art had captured my attention like no other. The crying child, the monsters, the... tentacles? It perplexed me in no way any other game has done before, but it was love at first sight. So I immediately clicked on it. I wanted to experience what this game had to offer, and I was ready to buy a New 3DS just to experience it. Before getting cock-blocked by the parental controls, but whatever. 8 years later, New 3DS in tow, nearing the end of the 3DS eShop as a whole (rest in peace), I played Rebirth on the good old New 3DS, and I really did like it, and then I rebought the game (alongside the original), and all of the DLC for both versions, and I was almost instantly hooked for a year straight. Needless to say, I love The Binding of Isaac as a whole. If you know me, Iāve praised The Binding of Isaac to kingdom come, using it as a point of reference for the bar of quality most games should strive for, especially indie games. Any person I meet? Play The Binding of Isaac. Any game recommendations? The Binding of Isaac. I was talking to a security guard at Washington DC, and asked him if he had played any games, and he said he plays Battlefield, and I roughly responded with āPLAY THE BINDING OF ISAAC!ā, taking hyper fixations to the next level. And, of course, on that trip I brought my New 3DS to Washington DC, JUST to play The Binding of Isaac, although I dabbled in Mario Kart 7 with some friends. Any time we were on the bus, Iād pop open my 3DS just to play it. Iām pretty sure my friends got tired of the buh-duh... duh-duh-duh-duhduhduh each time I started a new run, but we all enjoyed the trip. I almost beat the entire game on that trip, but unfortunately couldnāt kill Mega Satan in time. Awwwww. But on the night I got home I killed him. It was 3AM in the morning, but I fucking did it.
But, enough about the DC trip, what about the game itself? If youāre not familiar with Rebirth or the original, fear not, as coming into Isaac Rebirth, I had no idea what roguelikes even played like, other than the fact that they were randomized, but also featured permanent death. It was a bitā¦ overwhelming to me? Losing all of my progress didn't seem all that fun to me, as I had played Minecraft previously and found its dropping inventory to be discouraging, and thought Isaac Rebirth would be the same. But, needless to say, my opinion changed pretty quickly on Rebirth, and roguelikes as a whole. Some of my favorite video games are roguelikes, but without my prior exposure to Rebirth, I don't think I would've been as receptive to the genre. And why is that, you may ask? Iām going to explain almost everything that makes the game a masterpiece of a roguelike like no other (sorry, Rogue), DLC by DLC, in-depth, zeusdeegoose style! Iāll also be covering the smaller games in the series, like the original, and the spinoff, The Legend of Bum-bo. Iāve never played Four Souls before, so thatāll be excluded from this short series.
The order will be as follows: Rebirth, Afterbirth, Afterbirth Plus, The Legend of Bum-bo, 2011, Wrath of the Lamb, and finally, Repentance.
The order may seem off to some, considering how Repentance is last in line, but itās for good reason, trust me. You geese will be eating well tonight! (i'm so sorry)
Iām also spoiling the game rotten, because if you havenāt played the game yet, I strongly suggest going in completely and utterly blind. Thatās how I did it, and I feel like having a wiki beside me wouldāve ruined a lot of the fun. Thatās what I do when going into almost any roguelike, but it matters most here since thatās a majority of the game; discovery. Discovering what each item does, all of the synergies it has, and the context in between each item. Itās a fun process that adds a lot of mystery and suspense to even the littlest of item pickups, and I cannot help but feel itās too easily lost for newer players. EID is cool and all, but I think Iād recommend saving it, at least until the post-game. Itās your game, and the only stipulation for mods is lacking achievements until you kill Mom, but I still think the game is better experienced without EID for the first time, as finding what each item does is satisfying in it of itself. But if you do use EID, I wonāt stop you from enjoying the game as you please. But, with all of that being said, itās time to explore the Basement, and find the treasure trove that is this review! This is my full, 100%, complete review of The Binding of Isaac Rebirth! Presented proudly by ZeusDeeGoose (& co.).
Content warning for The Binding of Isaac's story contents: Brief mentions of Suicide and Self-harm, Heavy references towards Abuse and Religious discussion
I usually never cover the stories of games in any of my reviews, and usually itās because they donāt have any impact on the overall score. Not to say that I donāt care for them, but The Binding of Isaac perfectly intertwines gameplay and story, like no other game Iāve seen. Itās like FNAF if it actually had good storytelling!!! Half kidding, but with that being said, like FNAF, The Binding of Isaac is a heavily disconnected narrative, open to various interpretations and ideas. Almost every item connects to the story in every way, and little hints are given throughout each subsequent run victory, and each unlock to paint a grim, yet realistic storyline, despite the less-than-realistic gameplay within the game itself. What I also enjoy about the storytelling is that each release of a major expansion added to the story in a meaningful way, but also stands on their own as cohesive stories. The later endings in some of the future DLCs are a little too blatant for my tastes, but weāll get to that later.
If youāve heard anything about The Binding of Isaac, youāve absolutely heard about the story in some way, shape or form. Not only for how batshit it is initially, but how depressing it eventually gets. The gist of what the game tells you is that āisaac mom watch bible bwoadcasts on tv and went a little nuts thanks to a voice from above and wants to re-enact the binding of isaac but isaac jumps into a trapdoorā, but eventually transforms into āIsaac commits suicide by suffocating in a Chest because he simply couldnāt take it anymore. The End.ā The reason why is because the initial story is from Isaacās perspective, but as he slowly dies, he eventually has to face reality, and what happens after he dies, as he feels as if heās a sinner. There is no āgood endingā. Isaac will always die, no matter what. And that's what I really liked about it. Not every story needs a happy ending (and especially in a story that discusses child abuse and beliefs being used as a false justification for said abuse). But I donāt think that the point of the gameās story is that religion is necessarily bad. Itās that using religion as something to punish someone is immoral, nor should we shame those who chose to not partake in religion, and rather unfortunately, that fact is frequently ignored in our world. This game helped me be more comfortable about my own religious beliefs. As someone who has struggled over their religion as of recent, I felt so validated by Isaacās struggles. Although I wouldnāt consider myself an atheist, Iām still struggling with who or what I believe in, or if I should even believe in any entity at all. Whilst the game never gives an answer as to if you should believe in religion, it did contribute to my thoughts of religion. I really like how Edmund McMillen never shies away from controversial topics, because Iāve never seen any game that covers religion in depth like The Binding of Isaac. The entire gameās environment reflects the grim nature of the game, not shying away from the disturbing and occasionally haunting themes of the entire game. Each area feels dishearteningly oppressive, with blood and other bodily fluids of all kinds being used to add to the environment. Itās a grotesque game, but remember that this is from the perspective of a 5 year old. Thatās why the items are unidentified, being discoveries of a relatively young child in a world thatās too big for him. Thatās why he believes that his mother is re-enacting the story of The Binding of Isaac, because heās using his imagination to create false parallels between himself and the Bible. Thatās why thereās a relatively low brow humor bar, spirals of shit and all. Thatās why he fights himself. Due to a misunderstanding of religion, he hates what he sees in himself. Once again, as a kid who was exposed to religion constantly, I was always concerned about sinning, even the most mild sins. However, I would come to realize, that according to the Bible, your sins are forgiven easily. This is perspective that Isaac lacks; an intentional flaw in his character, and makes him fear himself. This entire misunderstanding leads to the death of him. Thatās fucked up. Every element of the game, from the characters representing Isaacās own thoughts about himself, to the items painting the picture of abuse and neglect. Itās a solid story overall, with unprecedented storytelling, with eye opening themes and a nearly flawless execution in storytelling, a story told like no other, and interpretations out the wazoo. Hell, Iāll contribute a theory right now; Range up items are often represented with more sexual items, representing libido. But as many people know, religion tends to disfavor sexual activity outside of marriage. And as the Range ups are among the worst items in the entire game, it represents this very fact. Or how the entirety of the game is a conflict of Isaacās own personality, due to the billions of possible individual runs? BOOM, MatPat is shaking in his boots right now. Regardless, despite my several hundred hours, I'm not some lore master, I'm just here to shoot tears and have fun. I know someone who is, though! Listen, I would absolutely love to analyze the entirety of the gameās many items, hints, and even more, but that could be potentially hours of pure content, and I donāt have the time for that. I mean, this is a game, right? Of course the story couldnāt be THAT good, right? What matters more is the gameplay!
Content Warning over.
As Iāve said previously, The Binding of Isaac integrates story and gameplay almost perfectly. You traverse through randomly generated dungeons that slowly increase in difficulty, increasing in size and becoming harder as you descend down The Basement. Although the āgameā is incredibly short, the threat of permanently losing all of your items looms over your head throughout the run. Each run is about 30 minutes long, meaning that dying and retrying isnāt so punishing when it happens. This one of those roguelikes that masters the āone more runā mentality that lots of roguelikes similarly embody. The game is forgiving, but If you fuck up one too many times, thereās no permanent progression loss. Each run helps contribute even the littlest of help to future runs, but more on that later down.
The controls of the game are incredibly simple, as you move with the Left Stick and shoot in 4 directions with the Right Stick (or buttons if you prefer), making the game very simple to pick up and play, and the controls themselves feel incredibly fluid and fun. As I had mentioned previously, the aesthetics of the game are incredibly strong, with the game sporting solid pixel art, supported with great visual effects, and profound sound design. The music is pretty catchy to me, and it immerses me into the run. I also like the ālayersā of the tracks, which play whenever youāre locked into combat. Bosses get even more intense, with the foreboding sound effect before battle, as well as incredibly intense boss tracks. Crusade, Matricide, Ventricide, Infantcide, Ascension, I mean, jesus. Talk about a good soundtrack, guys! On your journey through The Basement, youāll encounter items on the way down, which are what keep The Binding of Isaac so fresh and replayable. In Rebirth, there are about 300+ items to collect, all of which have different effects and abilities. Some items are triggered manually by the player, with the triggers, but a majority of items are passive, all of which give random effects and abilities. Even with the large amount of items, youāll eventually see all of them, so what keeps the gameplay fresh and exciting for hours to come? THE SYNERGIES.
One of the defining aspect of The Binding of Isaac is itās large focus on synergies. Almost every item has at least one notable synergy, all of which add to the replay value of the game. Not only does this ensure that the game has a consistent difficulty curve by making synergies easier to find than oxygen, but also adds a sense of individuality to each run. With the amount of items, unique interactions in between those items, and the individual room layouts, Rebirth almost feels endless to me, and this would only be improved in later releases, with more content in general. To see Isaac grow in each run, gaining a different sense of personality each run, to see him take on gods and monsters, even himself at times, makes Rebirth a joy to come back to each and every time I start a new run.
A common point of criticism with Rebirth is that it apparently takes āno skillā to win? Yeah, obviously. I find the āno skillā argument to be largely irrelevant, as yes, the game does have various items, some of which are a cut above the rest, but calling it āluck basedā is a complete misunderstanding of the gameās design as a whole. In fact, Iād say Rebirth is TOO easy, but more on that later. And I can prove it, too. Not only is the ratio of bad, good, and great items extremely fair and consistent, not feeling too powerful nor weak in terms of strength, by avoiding red heart damage on a floor, they can guarantee a ādealā, primarily of which will be a Devil deal, housing some of the most powerful items within the game, in exchange for their own health. Deals are an incredibly consistent way of obtaining good items, but it requires YOU, yes, YOU, to man up and actually be good at the game. Itās Risk Vs Reward done at itās finest; do you want that cool-ass Brimstone laser? Well, youāre going to have to survive with less HP than usual in order to keep it, and thatās just one example. If you donāt like losing your HP, you could risk getting collectively shunned by the entire community and go for deals with the Angel. These are deals which are completely free, but require you to skip taking any deals with the Devil, and they only have one item to choose from. A lot of people claim that Angel deals are unviable, but I think theyāre kind of missing the point, as not risking your HP gets you the worse items. Personally, I do think Angels, while a neat idea, are still outclassed by Devil deals. But, Iām not starting another Angels VS Devils debate. Lord knows how many thereās been. But back to the main point, if youāre still struggling with the game, you can always try to unlock some new characters, many of which will benefit you compared to base Isaac, who starts with nothing until a certain point. By all accounts, the game is on your side. Itās just up to you to keep up with the gameās difficulty, which is already pretty low to begin with, but more on that later. Yes, I know Iām saying that a lot, but Rebirth is fucking huge, okay? Yes, the game is random. But you have to grab the randomness by the balls and use it to your advantage, whilst also not being too sloppy on your part to win. Like Spelunky, you have to experiment and actually think to win consistently. Victory is not guaranteed for your first couple of runs, but if you really dig deep and try everything, maybe pick up that item that you donāt know anything about, only then can you truly succeed.
But not only do you have to embrace the randomness of the game in order to win, but the game itself changes as you play, quite literally. Remember when I said that each run contributes to your future runs? Well, itās time to talk about SECRETS. Secrets are the bread and butter of The Binding of Isaac, bestowing new stuff into almost any run. From items, to bosses, and even new floors. To go back to the story for a bit, your first end goal is to kill Mom. For your average player, this could take a fair amount of tries, as the player learns the game and adapts to the environment, combined with Mom being a pretty difficult boss for a newcomer. Mom can be quite unpredictable, with her constantly spawning enemies, while the infamous foot stomps easily catch you off guard. It serves as a skill check for the following part of the game; once you kill Mom for the first time, you get the fake-out ending, with Isaac defeating Mom, but she comes back soon after. One curious player may check out the menu and realize that thereās over 16 different endings. This starts quite possibly the longest gameplay arc of the game; The Womb. In this cursed crimson floor, you always take a full heart of damage (without The Wafer of course), and the enemies are much more dastardly than before, with a greater variety and number of them than previously, as well as less items being present than before. This shows off the progressive difficulty of the game, both in a hypothetical and literal sense, as several secrets are tied to difficulty, like the alternate floors for the first 3 floors, an increase in champions (harder versions of enemies, denoted with a specific color), and also an increase in ācursesā, which are bestowed upon the current floor at random.
They try to force you to approach a floor differently, making it more difficult, to slightly mixed results. Most of these are just kind of annoying, including a no map mode, invisible HP mode, randomly teleporting to new rooms, darkness, and being unable to see items picked up. The only one thatās not annoying is the XL floors, which also skips an additional floor and gives you two item rooms. I think the main thing curses suffer from is that they lack Risk vs Reward. Take Spelunky for example, which have a similar mechanic dubbed ālevel feelingsā. They do make the floor harder, but usually add some sort of benefit to counterbalance it. Take the darkness idea again. Yes, it makes the level darker, but you can collect fireflies for additional cash. This could easily work with Isaac, too. Putting out fires gives a higher chance for pickups, OR better quality of the pickups in general. Maybe a no Map floor gives less rooms, and a no HP floor gives more hearts. Darkness could give you an extra item, and a random teleport room has a chance of creating a new room entirely. There are so many ideas I have with curses, but it kind of sucks that they havenāt been touched at all since Rebirthās release. As it stands, curses are an interesting idea, but they quickly become more irritating as time goes on. Not a dealbreaker by any means, but itās a big nitpick that I have with Rebirth. On the note of nitpicks, I will also draw attention to the Challenges of the game. The in-game challenges, like curses, feel underdeveloped. Far too many of them give overpowered item combos, then ask you to simply survive. They never really feel āchallengingā to the player; even Purist, which I can assume is intended to be the hardest challenge based on its underlining in the menu, is incredibly easy, even though it takes away all of the treasure rooms and shops.People who say Isaac is luck based are fuming at the mouth right now. Very little of these are even āchallengingā in some way, really the only arguably difficult one is Suicide King, which has you shooting explosive tears which home back in on you, but thatās really it. And that bit about the Challenges somewhat applies to the game as a whole, as even though I believe the game forces you to get good at it, it snowballs in your favor far too easily. I may be biased with my several hundred hours of The Binding of Isaac across 4 different versions, but Iād figure Iād bring it up as itās frequently mentioned when reflecting on Rebirth, especially now that we have Repentance. Even when your runs aren't absolutely broken, Rebirth will still be pretty easy to beat. Once again, a nitpick, one that doesn't really hold much relevance to me. I'm up for a challenge, and all that (peep my favorite games), but an easy game is usually fine to me. Aaaand, with all of that, I can say that Rebirth is essentially a perfect game (to me, at least). I'm serious, I only have 3 nitpicks with this game, all of which are pretty minor. A slightly annoying, but not detrimental game mechanic in runs, a harmless side mode that still has all of the great qualities of the main game, and a difficulty level, which doesn't really affect me. Sooooo... can I go back to talking about how good this game is?
After killing Momās Heart 11 times, you can access the Cathedral or Sheol, but if youāre really good at the game, avoiding Red Heart damage on Womb 2 at any kill count almost always guarantees you a deal with the Angel or Devil, which allows you to go to the Cathedral or Sheol respectively, allowing already experienced players to skip major chunks of the game. Is this a well thought out game or what? Really, what else is there to nitpick? In these areas, you have to fight either Isaac, or Satan, and do it 5 times to access each respective final chapter; The Chest or The Dark Room. However, while youāre in the process of killing all of these bosses over and over again, you may come across a hole in the wall when killing Mom. This giant room holds 4 free items, but you can walk out... if you dare. But... it canāt be that easy, right? Iāll take the best item, just to be caref- why is there boss music? This is the infamous Boss rush, an onslaught of 15 sets of 2 bosses each, and it can either be the best or worst thing ever. Boss Rush is fucking intense, even with a good run. While you have a lot of leeway, Boss Rush often leaves you scraping for more HP, doubly so if youāre playing as a character who depends on low HP. Itās a difficult, yet rewarding mode to blast through each run, with you needing to give it your all to win. Once again, RISK VS REWARD. I canāt stress this enough. Boss Rush is pretty fun, but once itās finally over, you get another item and yet another secret to mark your victory.
The final floors of Rebirth, The Chest and The Dark Room are essentially a victory lap, with each individual chest giving you a different item for the final battle, between... Isaac but dead??? Or The Lamb. Each path sports wholly unique fights and enemy patterns, making it feel like both are different enough from each other. Dead Isaac is probably my least favorite of the two; the fight ends before it can really get good; hell, Iād even say Isaac is harder in some cases. But The Lamb is a fair bit better than its blue brethren. He has a larger amount of HP, and he actually throws out ipecac shots, which explode. And then, his head and body splits at 50% HP, with the head gaining a few more tricky attacks than before. And the music in each fight is fucking INTENSE. Ascension is my favorite track in the game, bar none. Itās so ridiculously epic, like holy shit. It really feels like youāre overcoming the great dread within you. Thereās so much damn BASS. It truly feels like the final battle. The Fallen Angel is a little worse than Ascension, but I still like it. It just gets a little too repetitive for my liking, thatās all. But it still feels pretty awesome. I know I already gassed up the Rebirth soundtrack to kingdom come, but holy FUCK itās genuinely incredible. It knows when to rock out, how to be somber, and how to convey Isaacās thoughts. Itās great. Diptera Sonata always feels like youāre on the edge of what your next run may have, Sodden Hollow is really fucking groovy, Abyss feels just like the title, and Viscera... Well, disregarding that, THE CELLAR! That awesome rock tune will never fail to be an earworm. Crusade makes every single Dingle look like fucking Sans. And The Calm makes you reflect on your past floor, what to do, where to go next. I could go ON AND ON about how good this game is, you have no IDEA. And you thought we were done? HELL NO! Once you beat either Dead Isaac or The Lamb once, something... interesting happens.
The game ominously states that the Angels āare waitingā? Well, I think you all know what that means. Itās time to go back into the Basement for one last time! Give Satan the middle finger, and head into the arms of Christ? And what happens? Uhhhh... The angels arenāt doing anything. Walking into them doesnāt do anything. What about a bomb?
The famous last words of zeusdeegoose. Rest in Peace, 2023-2024
Bombing the Angel Statue initiates a boss battle with an Angel, which REALLY caught me off guard. But after defeating the Angel, you get... Key Piece 1? Okay, so then you have to get another Key Piece by bombing another Angel, and then make your way down to Chapter 6, for the final time. A massive golden door appears, and after collecting all 4 items in the room, feel free to head in. And then... for REAL this time... you can fight Mega Satan, god, I am tired.
Itās not a bad fight; far from it, in fact. It kind of reminds me of shmup arcade games, in a way. Itās a massive arena, and Mega Satan is at the forefront of it all. He spawns hundreds of bullets, while you keep shooting him. And in his second phase, his skull appears (Terraria reference), spewing flames at you. But once his skull cracks ONCE AND FOR ALL, with potentially over a HUNDRED runs done by the player already, you think youāre done, right? Well, kind of. This is the end of all of Rebirthās campaign, but 100%ing is a different story. You have 6 completion marks you have on each respective character, which are, as follows: Momās Heart, Boss Rush, Isaac, Satan, Dead Isaac, and The Lamb. And you need to do all of that on all 10 characters in Hard Mode, which predictably makes the game harder. So you can realistically expect to do that in 2-3 runs. Iād complain about the monotony of this, but like I said, Rebirth already encourages replayability to the fullest degree, so itās actually really fun. Quickly, to save my fingers from carpal tunnel, the characters in Rebirth are solid, having their own strengths and weaknesses. Isaac is the basic bitch, Cain is lucky and does a little more damage, Maggy is the skill issue character, Judas is the glass cannon, Eve is the self-damaging character, ??? is the intentionally bad, but still fun character, Samson is the skill issue character, Lazarus is the skill issue character, Azazel is the best character in the game, and Eden is the genderfluid one (kind of like me). Yes, the game could use a lot less characters based on self damage, and the characters are a LITTLE too similar to base Isaac for comfort, but everything else about them is fundamentally solid. So after doing all of that, which will probably take you a good week or so, boom. All unlocks for every character. Are you still done? Hell no! You still have to do all 20 challenges, a majority of which are free and are already probably done at this point, so yeah. Easy. And after ALL of that, are you still done? NO. You have to fill the Donation Machine all the way up to 999 coins, or you can use a glitch to do it. Are you STILL done? HELLLLLLLLLLL NO, GIRL. Do all of this miscellaneous bullshit, like playing the slot machine. Are you still done? Have you explored every nook and cranny for the Plat- NO YOU FUCKING BUFFOON. You have to touch every item, which isnāt too hard on itās own, as youāll probably do all of this during your trip to Platinum God. But... after all of that, you finally set down your controller (or keyboard, if youāre one of those people?) satisfyingly, knowing that one of the greatest games of all time has been officially 100%ed. You are a Platinum God, friend! Welcome to the club, drinks are in the fridge. But... you feel... odd. Your achievements say that thereās still roughly a dozen to go. Could there be something... youāre... missing?
WAIT. You remember how I talked about the gameās numerous secrets? Well, take that literally, because there's a secret SO complex, that it's nearly impossible to figure out on your own. In fact, it was so secret that it had to be datamined exactly 109 hours after Rebirth released. Whatās the secret, you may ask? If Isaac dies in a Sacrifice Room with The Missing Poster, it will show a piece of a torn-off paper, revealing itself to be the next secret to the puzzle, that being Isaacās Last Will (the death screen which states where you are and what you were killed by). If, in sequential order, Isaac gets killed by a Mulliboom in The Basement, Magdalene kills herself with her own bombs in The Caves, Judas is killed by Mom, and Azazel is killed by Satan, a new character is unlocked, which is the bane of my and many other Rebirth playersā existence.
THE MOTHERFUCKING LOST. The Lost is by far one of the WORST characters in any roguelikes history, more specifically the REBIRTH incarnation and the Rebirth version ALONE. He only has 2 benefits. One; he starts with flight, which is always great, and he can get free deals with the Devil no matter what, which is always pretty cool. So what's the tradeoff? YOU HAVE NO FUCKING WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST ANY DAMAGE. NONE, NADA. Get hit once due to a bad dodge? Eat SHIT, go back all the way to the FUCKING BASEMENT, NERD. I mean, shit! Talk about punishing design, one that's not ultimately suited for this game. Sure, The Lost is an intentionally bad character, but ??? (the other āchallengeā character), gave the player lenience when it came to their mistakes, but it also forced you to rethink your entire strategy. Devil Deals are much riskier with ??? as a result of your lack of red heart containers, and you have to take less damage in general as well if you want any chance of survival. The Lost feels like ramming your head into a wall until you see pretty stars and pass out. And yes, you could argue that The Lost can get Holy Mantle, or Dead Cat for an easier time. But thatās quite literally luck based, and isnāt fun. I got all of his marks in Rebirth ONCE on the 3DS. And quite frankly, Iām not interested in doing it ever again. The only silver lining is that you never need to play as him, unless youāre doing 100%, and you also donāt have to fight Mega Satan as him for 100% because heās not a mark. But disregarding all of that, FUCK The Lost, and thank god for Afterbirth making him actually fun to play as. But this is Rebirth, so yeah. Fuck that guy. You have to do ALL of his marks in Hard Mode, but what do you get for all of your troubles? One of the best items in the game, GODHEAD. The TRUE mark of mastery. Although I think The Lost is a fundamentally flawed character, I wonāt say that powering through and finally unlocking Godhead, alongside all of these other cool items isnāt satisfying. Now, after all of that, you can actually rest easy... until you check out Edmundās Tumblr to find out thereās a new DLC get fucked LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Disregarding The Lost and the like, I believe Isaac Rebirth is one of the greatest video games ever crafted, with very little flaws overall. I do have my gripes with it, of course, like any game, but at the end of the day, itās still one of the greatest roguelikes to be released to date. Even games like Dead Cells and lots of non-traditional roguelikes have their roots within The Binding of Isaac. The Binding of Isaac has become less of a game, and more of a starting platform for aspiring creators and artists (including me, peep this). I could barely find a flaw in Rebirth's gameplay that isn't just a nitpick. It's a fundamentally sound game, with almost endless replayability. And did I even mention how fucking addictive Rebirth is? Seriously, even after 700 hours across numerous platforms in the span of a year, I still play Rebirth to this day. It's a game I'll probably never get tired of popping it in and starting a new descent into the Basement. And when I get my hands on the Switch release, oh man. But, what's next for Isaac? Well, what happens after Birth? A postpartum!
āA birth in full bloom / Endless basement drenched in gore / Stuck in the nightmare...ā - āA Rebirthā by zeusdeegoose, Written on 4/22/24
It might be pretentious of me to call Rebirth the perfect game. Keyword, might.
But uhhh, it's time for what the entirety of ZeusDeeGoose has been building up to. From shitposts to seemingly endless reviews, here is the review to end all reviews. The K.O. punch, the Industry Baby, here ISā¦
The Binding of Isaac Rebirth is my favorite game of all time. Bar none. Iāve always pushed the game as amazing, but never really put pen to paper on why itās so incredible. Iāve known about Rebirth since around 2015, where it was finally put on the 3DS eShop. It looked so... interesting. The cover art had captured my attention like no other. The crying child, the monsters, the... tentacles? It perplexed me in no way any other game has done before, but it was love at first sight. So I immediately clicked on it. I wanted to experience what this game had to offer, and I was ready to buy a New 3DS just to experience it. Before getting cock-blocked by the parental controls, but whatever. 8 years later, New 3DS in tow, nearing the end of the 3DS eShop as a whole (rest in peace), I played Rebirth on the good old New 3DS, and I really did like it, and then I rebought the game (alongside the original), and all of the DLC for both versions, and I was almost instantly hooked for a year straight. Needless to say, I love The Binding of Isaac as a whole. If you know me, Iāve praised The Binding of Isaac to kingdom come, using it as a point of reference for the bar of quality most games should strive for, especially indie games. Any person I meet? Play The Binding of Isaac. Any game recommendations? The Binding of Isaac. I was talking to a security guard at Washington DC, and asked him if he had played any games, and he said he plays Battlefield, and I roughly responded with āPLAY THE BINDING OF ISAAC!ā, taking hyper fixations to the next level. And, of course, on that trip I brought my New 3DS to Washington DC, JUST to play The Binding of Isaac, although I dabbled in Mario Kart 7 with some friends. Any time we were on the bus, Iād pop open my 3DS just to play it. Iām pretty sure my friends got tired of the buh-duh... duh-duh-duh-duhduhduh each time I started a new run, but we all enjoyed the trip. I almost beat the entire game on that trip, but unfortunately couldnāt kill Mega Satan in time. Awwwww. But on the night I got home I killed him. It was 3AM in the morning, but I fucking did it.
But, enough about the DC trip, what about the game itself? If youāre not familiar with Rebirth or the original, fear not, as coming into Isaac Rebirth, I had no idea what roguelikes even played like, other than the fact that they were randomized, but also featured permanent death. It was a bitā¦ overwhelming to me? Losing all of my progress didn't seem all that fun to me, as I had played Minecraft previously and found its dropping inventory to be discouraging, and thought Isaac Rebirth would be the same. But, needless to say, my opinion changed pretty quickly on Rebirth, and roguelikes as a whole. Some of my favorite video games are roguelikes, but without my prior exposure to Rebirth, I don't think I would've been as receptive to the genre. And why is that, you may ask? Iām going to explain almost everything that makes the game a masterpiece of a roguelike like no other (sorry, Rogue), DLC by DLC, in-depth, zeusdeegoose style! Iāll also be covering the smaller games in the series, like the original, and the spinoff, The Legend of Bum-bo. Iāve never played Four Souls before, so thatāll be excluded from this short series.
The order will be as follows: Rebirth, Afterbirth, Afterbirth Plus, The Legend of Bum-bo, 2011, Wrath of the Lamb, and finally, Repentance.
The order may seem off to some, considering how Repentance is last in line, but itās for good reason, trust me. You geese will be eating well tonight! (i'm so sorry)
Iām also spoiling the game rotten, because if you havenāt played the game yet, I strongly suggest going in completely and utterly blind. Thatās how I did it, and I feel like having a wiki beside me wouldāve ruined a lot of the fun. Thatās what I do when going into almost any roguelike, but it matters most here since thatās a majority of the game; discovery. Discovering what each item does, all of the synergies it has, and the context in between each item. Itās a fun process that adds a lot of mystery and suspense to even the littlest of item pickups, and I cannot help but feel itās too easily lost for newer players. EID is cool and all, but I think Iād recommend saving it, at least until the post-game. Itās your game, and the only stipulation for mods is lacking achievements until you kill Mom, but I still think the game is better experienced without EID for the first time, as finding what each item does is satisfying in it of itself. But if you do use EID, I wonāt stop you from enjoying the game as you please. But, with all of that being said, itās time to explore the Basement, and find the treasure trove that is this review! This is my full, 100%, complete review of The Binding of Isaac Rebirth! Presented proudly by ZeusDeeGoose (& co.).
Content warning for The Binding of Isaac's story contents: Brief mentions of Suicide and Self-harm, Heavy references towards Abuse and Religious discussion
I usually never cover the stories of games in any of my reviews, and usually itās because they donāt have any impact on the overall score. Not to say that I donāt care for them, but The Binding of Isaac perfectly intertwines gameplay and story, like no other game Iāve seen. Itās like FNAF if it actually had good storytelling!!! Half kidding, but with that being said, like FNAF, The Binding of Isaac is a heavily disconnected narrative, open to various interpretations and ideas. Almost every item connects to the story in every way, and little hints are given throughout each subsequent run victory, and each unlock to paint a grim, yet realistic storyline, despite the less-than-realistic gameplay within the game itself. What I also enjoy about the storytelling is that each release of a major expansion added to the story in a meaningful way, but also stands on their own as cohesive stories. The later endings in some of the future DLCs are a little too blatant for my tastes, but weāll get to that later.
If youāve heard anything about The Binding of Isaac, youāve absolutely heard about the story in some way, shape or form. Not only for how batshit it is initially, but how depressing it eventually gets. The gist of what the game tells you is that āisaac mom watch bible bwoadcasts on tv and went a little nuts thanks to a voice from above and wants to re-enact the binding of isaac but isaac jumps into a trapdoorā, but eventually transforms into āIsaac commits suicide by suffocating in a Chest because he simply couldnāt take it anymore. The End.ā The reason why is because the initial story is from Isaacās perspective, but as he slowly dies, he eventually has to face reality, and what happens after he dies, as he feels as if heās a sinner. There is no āgood endingā. Isaac will always die, no matter what. And that's what I really liked about it. Not every story needs a happy ending (and especially in a story that discusses child abuse and beliefs being used as a false justification for said abuse). But I donāt think that the point of the gameās story is that religion is necessarily bad. Itās that using religion as something to punish someone is immoral, nor should we shame those who chose to not partake in religion, and rather unfortunately, that fact is frequently ignored in our world. This game helped me be more comfortable about my own religious beliefs. As someone who has struggled over their religion as of recent, I felt so validated by Isaacās struggles. Although I wouldnāt consider myself an atheist, Iām still struggling with who or what I believe in, or if I should even believe in any entity at all. Whilst the game never gives an answer as to if you should believe in religion, it did contribute to my thoughts of religion. I really like how Edmund McMillen never shies away from controversial topics, because Iāve never seen any game that covers religion in depth like The Binding of Isaac. The entire gameās environment reflects the grim nature of the game, not shying away from the disturbing and occasionally haunting themes of the entire game. Each area feels dishearteningly oppressive, with blood and other bodily fluids of all kinds being used to add to the environment. Itās a grotesque game, but remember that this is from the perspective of a 5 year old. Thatās why the items are unidentified, being discoveries of a relatively young child in a world thatās too big for him. Thatās why he believes that his mother is re-enacting the story of The Binding of Isaac, because heās using his imagination to create false parallels between himself and the Bible. Thatās why thereās a relatively low brow humor bar, spirals of shit and all. Thatās why he fights himself. Due to a misunderstanding of religion, he hates what he sees in himself. Once again, as a kid who was exposed to religion constantly, I was always concerned about sinning, even the most mild sins. However, I would come to realize, that according to the Bible, your sins are forgiven easily. This is perspective that Isaac lacks; an intentional flaw in his character, and makes him fear himself. This entire misunderstanding leads to the death of him. Thatās fucked up. Every element of the game, from the characters representing Isaacās own thoughts about himself, to the items painting the picture of abuse and neglect. Itās a solid story overall, with unprecedented storytelling, with eye opening themes and a nearly flawless execution in storytelling, a story told like no other, and interpretations out the wazoo. Hell, Iāll contribute a theory right now; Range up items are often represented with more sexual items, representing libido. But as many people know, religion tends to disfavor sexual activity outside of marriage. And as the Range ups are among the worst items in the entire game, it represents this very fact. Or how the entirety of the game is a conflict of Isaacās own personality, due to the billions of possible individual runs? BOOM, MatPat is shaking in his boots right now. Regardless, despite my several hundred hours, I'm not some lore master, I'm just here to shoot tears and have fun. I know someone who is, though! Listen, I would absolutely love to analyze the entirety of the gameās many items, hints, and even more, but that could be potentially hours of pure content, and I donāt have the time for that. I mean, this is a game, right? Of course the story couldnāt be THAT good, right? What matters more is the gameplay!
Content Warning over.
As Iāve said previously, The Binding of Isaac integrates story and gameplay almost perfectly. You traverse through randomly generated dungeons that slowly increase in difficulty, increasing in size and becoming harder as you descend down The Basement. Although the āgameā is incredibly short, the threat of permanently losing all of your items looms over your head throughout the run. Each run is about 30 minutes long, meaning that dying and retrying isnāt so punishing when it happens. This one of those roguelikes that masters the āone more runā mentality that lots of roguelikes similarly embody. The game is forgiving, but If you fuck up one too many times, thereās no permanent progression loss. Each run helps contribute even the littlest of help to future runs, but more on that later down.
The controls of the game are incredibly simple, as you move with the Left Stick and shoot in 4 directions with the Right Stick (or buttons if you prefer), making the game very simple to pick up and play, and the controls themselves feel incredibly fluid and fun. As I had mentioned previously, the aesthetics of the game are incredibly strong, with the game sporting solid pixel art, supported with great visual effects, and profound sound design. The music is pretty catchy to me, and it immerses me into the run. I also like the ālayersā of the tracks, which play whenever youāre locked into combat. Bosses get even more intense, with the foreboding sound effect before battle, as well as incredibly intense boss tracks. Crusade, Matricide, Ventricide, Infantcide, Ascension, I mean, jesus. Talk about a good soundtrack, guys! On your journey through The Basement, youāll encounter items on the way down, which are what keep The Binding of Isaac so fresh and replayable. In Rebirth, there are about 300+ items to collect, all of which have different effects and abilities. Some items are triggered manually by the player, with the triggers, but a majority of items are passive, all of which give random effects and abilities. Even with the large amount of items, youāll eventually see all of them, so what keeps the gameplay fresh and exciting for hours to come? THE SYNERGIES.
One of the defining aspect of The Binding of Isaac is itās large focus on synergies. Almost every item has at least one notable synergy, all of which add to the replay value of the game. Not only does this ensure that the game has a consistent difficulty curve by making synergies easier to find than oxygen, but also adds a sense of individuality to each run. With the amount of items, unique interactions in between those items, and the individual room layouts, Rebirth almost feels endless to me, and this would only be improved in later releases, with more content in general. To see Isaac grow in each run, gaining a different sense of personality each run, to see him take on gods and monsters, even himself at times, makes Rebirth a joy to come back to each and every time I start a new run.
A common point of criticism with Rebirth is that it apparently takes āno skillā to win? Yeah, obviously. I find the āno skillā argument to be largely irrelevant, as yes, the game does have various items, some of which are a cut above the rest, but calling it āluck basedā is a complete misunderstanding of the gameās design as a whole. In fact, Iād say Rebirth is TOO easy, but more on that later. And I can prove it, too. Not only is the ratio of bad, good, and great items extremely fair and consistent, not feeling too powerful nor weak in terms of strength, by avoiding red heart damage on a floor, they can guarantee a ādealā, primarily of which will be a Devil deal, housing some of the most powerful items within the game, in exchange for their own health. Deals are an incredibly consistent way of obtaining good items, but it requires YOU, yes, YOU, to man up and actually be good at the game. Itās Risk Vs Reward done at itās finest; do you want that cool-ass Brimstone laser? Well, youāre going to have to survive with less HP than usual in order to keep it, and thatās just one example. If you donāt like losing your HP, you could risk getting collectively shunned by the entire community and go for deals with the Angel. These are deals which are completely free, but require you to skip taking any deals with the Devil, and they only have one item to choose from. A lot of people claim that Angel deals are unviable, but I think theyāre kind of missing the point, as not risking your HP gets you the worse items. Personally, I do think Angels, while a neat idea, are still outclassed by Devil deals. But, Iām not starting another Angels VS Devils debate. Lord knows how many thereās been. But back to the main point, if youāre still struggling with the game, you can always try to unlock some new characters, many of which will benefit you compared to base Isaac, who starts with nothing until a certain point. By all accounts, the game is on your side. Itās just up to you to keep up with the gameās difficulty, which is already pretty low to begin with, but more on that later. Yes, I know Iām saying that a lot, but Rebirth is fucking huge, okay? Yes, the game is random. But you have to grab the randomness by the balls and use it to your advantage, whilst also not being too sloppy on your part to win. Like Spelunky, you have to experiment and actually think to win consistently. Victory is not guaranteed for your first couple of runs, but if you really dig deep and try everything, maybe pick up that item that you donāt know anything about, only then can you truly succeed.
But not only do you have to embrace the randomness of the game in order to win, but the game itself changes as you play, quite literally. Remember when I said that each run contributes to your future runs? Well, itās time to talk about SECRETS. Secrets are the bread and butter of The Binding of Isaac, bestowing new stuff into almost any run. From items, to bosses, and even new floors. To go back to the story for a bit, your first end goal is to kill Mom. For your average player, this could take a fair amount of tries, as the player learns the game and adapts to the environment, combined with Mom being a pretty difficult boss for a newcomer. Mom can be quite unpredictable, with her constantly spawning enemies, while the infamous foot stomps easily catch you off guard. It serves as a skill check for the following part of the game; once you kill Mom for the first time, you get the fake-out ending, with Isaac defeating Mom, but she comes back soon after. One curious player may check out the menu and realize that thereās over 16 different endings. This starts quite possibly the longest gameplay arc of the game; The Womb. In this cursed crimson floor, you always take a full heart of damage (without The Wafer of course), and the enemies are much more dastardly than before, with a greater variety and number of them than previously, as well as less items being present than before. This shows off the progressive difficulty of the game, both in a hypothetical and literal sense, as several secrets are tied to difficulty, like the alternate floors for the first 3 floors, an increase in champions (harder versions of enemies, denoted with a specific color), and also an increase in ācursesā, which are bestowed upon the current floor at random.
They try to force you to approach a floor differently, making it more difficult, to slightly mixed results. Most of these are just kind of annoying, including a no map mode, invisible HP mode, randomly teleporting to new rooms, darkness, and being unable to see items picked up. The only one thatās not annoying is the XL floors, which also skips an additional floor and gives you two item rooms. I think the main thing curses suffer from is that they lack Risk vs Reward. Take Spelunky for example, which have a similar mechanic dubbed ālevel feelingsā. They do make the floor harder, but usually add some sort of benefit to counterbalance it. Take the darkness idea again. Yes, it makes the level darker, but you can collect fireflies for additional cash. This could easily work with Isaac, too. Putting out fires gives a higher chance for pickups, OR better quality of the pickups in general. Maybe a no Map floor gives less rooms, and a no HP floor gives more hearts. Darkness could give you an extra item, and a random teleport room has a chance of creating a new room entirely. There are so many ideas I have with curses, but it kind of sucks that they havenāt been touched at all since Rebirthās release. As it stands, curses are an interesting idea, but they quickly become more irritating as time goes on. Not a dealbreaker by any means, but itās a big nitpick that I have with Rebirth. On the note of nitpicks, I will also draw attention to the Challenges of the game. The in-game challenges, like curses, feel underdeveloped. Far too many of them give overpowered item combos, then ask you to simply survive. They never really feel āchallengingā to the player; even Purist, which I can assume is intended to be the hardest challenge based on its underlining in the menu, is incredibly easy, even though it takes away all of the treasure rooms and shops.
After killing Momās Heart 11 times, you can access the Cathedral or Sheol, but if youāre really good at the game, avoiding Red Heart damage on Womb 2 at any kill count almost always guarantees you a deal with the Angel or Devil, which allows you to go to the Cathedral or Sheol respectively, allowing already experienced players to skip major chunks of the game. Is this a well thought out game or what? Really, what else is there to nitpick? In these areas, you have to fight either Isaac, or Satan, and do it 5 times to access each respective final chapter; The Chest or The Dark Room. However, while youāre in the process of killing all of these bosses over and over again, you may come across a hole in the wall when killing Mom. This giant room holds 4 free items, but you can walk out... if you dare. But... it canāt be that easy, right? Iāll take the best item, just to be caref- why is there boss music? This is the infamous Boss rush, an onslaught of 15 sets of 2 bosses each, and it can either be the best or worst thing ever. Boss Rush is fucking intense, even with a good run. While you have a lot of leeway, Boss Rush often leaves you scraping for more HP, doubly so if youāre playing as a character who depends on low HP. Itās a difficult, yet rewarding mode to blast through each run, with you needing to give it your all to win. Once again, RISK VS REWARD. I canāt stress this enough. Boss Rush is pretty fun, but once itās finally over, you get another item and yet another secret to mark your victory.
The final floors of Rebirth, The Chest and The Dark Room are essentially a victory lap, with each individual chest giving you a different item for the final battle, between... Isaac but dead??? Or The Lamb. Each path sports wholly unique fights and enemy patterns, making it feel like both are different enough from each other. Dead Isaac is probably my least favorite of the two; the fight ends before it can really get good; hell, Iād even say Isaac is harder in some cases. But The Lamb is a fair bit better than its blue brethren. He has a larger amount of HP, and he actually throws out ipecac shots, which explode. And then, his head and body splits at 50% HP, with the head gaining a few more tricky attacks than before. And the music in each fight is fucking INTENSE. Ascension is my favorite track in the game, bar none. Itās so ridiculously epic, like holy shit. It really feels like youāre overcoming the great dread within you. Thereās so much damn BASS. It truly feels like the final battle. The Fallen Angel is a little worse than Ascension, but I still like it. It just gets a little too repetitive for my liking, thatās all. But it still feels pretty awesome. I know I already gassed up the Rebirth soundtrack to kingdom come, but holy FUCK itās genuinely incredible. It knows when to rock out, how to be somber, and how to convey Isaacās thoughts. Itās great. Diptera Sonata always feels like youāre on the edge of what your next run may have, Sodden Hollow is really fucking groovy, Abyss feels just like the title, and Viscera... Well, disregarding that, THE CELLAR! That awesome rock tune will never fail to be an earworm. Crusade makes every single Dingle look like fucking Sans. And The Calm makes you reflect on your past floor, what to do, where to go next. I could go ON AND ON about how good this game is, you have no IDEA. And you thought we were done? HELL NO! Once you beat either Dead Isaac or The Lamb once, something... interesting happens.
The game ominously states that the Angels āare waitingā? Well, I think you all know what that means. Itās time to go back into the Basement for one last time! Give Satan the middle finger, and head into the arms of Christ? And what happens? Uhhhh... The angels arenāt doing anything. Walking into them doesnāt do anything. What about a bomb?
The famous last words of zeusdeegoose. Rest in Peace, 2023-2024
Bombing the Angel Statue initiates a boss battle with an Angel, which REALLY caught me off guard. But after defeating the Angel, you get... Key Piece 1? Okay, so then you have to get another Key Piece by bombing another Angel, and then make your way down to Chapter 6, for the final time. A massive golden door appears, and after collecting all 4 items in the room, feel free to head in. And then... for REAL this time... you can fight Mega Satan, god, I am tired.
Itās not a bad fight; far from it, in fact. It kind of reminds me of shmup arcade games, in a way. Itās a massive arena, and Mega Satan is at the forefront of it all. He spawns hundreds of bullets, while you keep shooting him. And in his second phase, his skull appears (Terraria reference), spewing flames at you. But once his skull cracks ONCE AND FOR ALL, with potentially over a HUNDRED runs done by the player already, you think youāre done, right? Well, kind of. This is the end of all of Rebirthās campaign, but 100%ing is a different story. You have 6 completion marks you have on each respective character, which are, as follows: Momās Heart, Boss Rush, Isaac, Satan, Dead Isaac, and The Lamb. And you need to do all of that on all 10 characters in Hard Mode, which predictably makes the game harder. So you can realistically expect to do that in 2-3 runs. Iād complain about the monotony of this, but like I said, Rebirth already encourages replayability to the fullest degree, so itās actually really fun. Quickly, to save my fingers from carpal tunnel, the characters in Rebirth are solid, having their own strengths and weaknesses. Isaac is the basic bitch, Cain is lucky and does a little more damage, Maggy is the skill issue character, Judas is the glass cannon, Eve is the self-damaging character, ??? is the intentionally bad, but still fun character, Samson is the skill issue character, Lazarus is the skill issue character, Azazel is the best character in the game, and Eden is the genderfluid one (kind of like me). Yes, the game could use a lot less characters based on self damage, and the characters are a LITTLE too similar to base Isaac for comfort, but everything else about them is fundamentally solid. So after doing all of that, which will probably take you a good week or so, boom. All unlocks for every character. Are you still done? Hell no! You still have to do all 20 challenges, a majority of which are free and are already probably done at this point, so yeah. Easy. And after ALL of that, are you still done? NO. You have to fill the Donation Machine all the way up to 999 coins, or you can use a glitch to do it. Are you STILL done? HELLLLLLLLLLL NO, GIRL. Do all of this miscellaneous bullshit, like playing the slot machine. Are you still done? Have you explored every nook and cranny for the Plat- NO YOU FUCKING BUFFOON. You have to touch every item, which isnāt too hard on itās own, as youāll probably do all of this during your trip to Platinum God. But... after all of that, you finally set down your controller (or keyboard, if youāre one of those people?) satisfyingly, knowing that one of the greatest games of all time has been officially 100%ed. You are a Platinum God, friend! Welcome to the club, drinks are in the fridge. But... you feel... odd. Your achievements say that thereās still roughly a dozen to go. Could there be something... youāre... missing?
WAIT. You remember how I talked about the gameās numerous secrets? Well, take that literally, because there's a secret SO complex, that it's nearly impossible to figure out on your own. In fact, it was so secret that it had to be datamined exactly 109 hours after Rebirth released. Whatās the secret, you may ask? If Isaac dies in a Sacrifice Room with The Missing Poster, it will show a piece of a torn-off paper, revealing itself to be the next secret to the puzzle, that being Isaacās Last Will (the death screen which states where you are and what you were killed by). If, in sequential order, Isaac gets killed by a Mulliboom in The Basement, Magdalene kills herself with her own bombs in The Caves, Judas is killed by Mom, and Azazel is killed by Satan, a new character is unlocked, which is the bane of my and many other Rebirth playersā existence.
THE MOTHERFUCKING LOST. The Lost is by far one of the WORST characters in any roguelikes history, more specifically the REBIRTH incarnation and the Rebirth version ALONE. He only has 2 benefits. One; he starts with flight, which is always great, and he can get free deals with the Devil no matter what, which is always pretty cool. So what's the tradeoff? YOU HAVE NO FUCKING WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST ANY DAMAGE. NONE, NADA. Get hit once due to a bad dodge? Eat SHIT, go back all the way to the FUCKING BASEMENT, NERD. I mean, shit! Talk about punishing design, one that's not ultimately suited for this game. Sure, The Lost is an intentionally bad character, but ??? (the other āchallengeā character), gave the player lenience when it came to their mistakes, but it also forced you to rethink your entire strategy. Devil Deals are much riskier with ??? as a result of your lack of red heart containers, and you have to take less damage in general as well if you want any chance of survival. The Lost feels like ramming your head into a wall until you see pretty stars and pass out. And yes, you could argue that The Lost can get Holy Mantle, or Dead Cat for an easier time. But thatās quite literally luck based, and isnāt fun. I got all of his marks in Rebirth ONCE on the 3DS. And quite frankly, Iām not interested in doing it ever again. The only silver lining is that you never need to play as him, unless youāre doing 100%, and you also donāt have to fight Mega Satan as him for 100% because heās not a mark. But disregarding all of that, FUCK The Lost, and thank god for Afterbirth making him actually fun to play as. But this is Rebirth, so yeah. Fuck that guy. You have to do ALL of his marks in Hard Mode, but what do you get for all of your troubles? One of the best items in the game, GODHEAD. The TRUE mark of mastery. Although I think The Lost is a fundamentally flawed character, I wonāt say that powering through and finally unlocking Godhead, alongside all of these other cool items isnāt satisfying. Now, after all of that, you can actually rest easy... until you check out Edmundās Tumblr to find out thereās a new DLC get fucked LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Disregarding The Lost and the like, I believe Isaac Rebirth is one of the greatest video games ever crafted, with very little flaws overall. I do have my gripes with it, of course, like any game, but at the end of the day, itās still one of the greatest roguelikes to be released to date. Even games like Dead Cells and lots of non-traditional roguelikes have their roots within The Binding of Isaac. The Binding of Isaac has become less of a game, and more of a starting platform for aspiring creators and artists (including me, peep this). I could barely find a flaw in Rebirth's gameplay that isn't just a nitpick. It's a fundamentally sound game, with almost endless replayability. And did I even mention how fucking addictive Rebirth is? Seriously, even after 700 hours across numerous platforms in the span of a year, I still play Rebirth to this day. It's a game I'll probably never get tired of popping it in and starting a new descent into the Basement. And when I get my hands on the Switch release, oh man. But, what's next for Isaac? Well, what happens after Birth? A postpartum!
āA birth in full bloom / Endless basement drenched in gore / Stuck in the nightmare...ā - āA Rebirthā by zeusdeegoose, Written on 4/22/24
Overwatch 2
2022
Honestly I hear a lot of people trash the shit out of overwatch 2 but I really enjoyed what I played. Now this is coming from someone who never played the original overwatch and I can definitely see where the haters of overwatch 2 are coming from. Blizzard promised a lot of stuff including a campaign mode that they just gave up on which led to the games not so favourable reputation. It does now seem though that Blizzard is trying to turn the game around now with the most recent updates though. Putting all that aside, overwatch 2 still finds a way to be an incredibly fun and engaging team based shooter.
Iron Lung
2022
I am not alone in this empty blood ocean
Horror has been a beloved genre for millions of people for a century now and that can also be said with video games. A great horror game will make you think about it for a couple hours after you finish it, it will send you into a depressing vegetative state and i can't think of anything that has done something like that in recent time other than Iron Lung. You see, for years i have played so many horror games from many different titles and what i can learn from those experiences is that horror can really expose the fear that every person have. Fear of dark, fear of enclosed space, fear of deep sea, fear of loud noises, fear of blood, these are just an example that horror genre used often for so long. But there is one fear that i think most people couldn't stand or dealt with and that is the fear of the unknown.
Short but powerful, that is a sentence that i can describe Iron Lung. It set in an ocean of blood on an alien moon in the wake of the āQuiet Rapture," which is one of the scariest description for an apocalypse i've ever seen, an event which saw the disappearance of every lifeform in the universe with the exception of people living on autonomous space stations. After every known star and planet in the universe disappears, the last remnants of humanity send a prisoner, namely you as the player to the depth of this strange moon covered in a sea of āāblood to explore what secrets may lie beneath its surface in a submarine. And you never know what is inside of the moon. The only thing you see is the inside of the small submarine you have welded together, and the low resolution images you can take of the inside.
The gameplay might be simple but it is what makes the game more intense and scarier which makes me more appreciate it. You navigate the ocean by adjusting your bearing, and forward velocity via a simple interface. You press the right button on your console to turn right, and the left button to turn left. You press the forward button to go forward, and the backward facing button to go backwards. It is simple, and slow. Your camera is controlled by a button at the back of your ship. To see where you are going you have to turn around and walk away from your controls. This means that, when you hear a thud outside your ship, there is a significant delay between the sound and your ability to take a photo of what made that noise. The photographs take a moment to develop and the delay makes me crazy, sick, feelings that i have not feel before with horror games because you are not alone in the craters of this impossibly alive, alien moon.
That aspect of Iron Lung is what keeps me still thinking and put me in state that i have never experience before in my life. A simple tension that comes from blindly navigating your sub, constantly looking at the map to try to figure out what you are to make sure you donāt crash your sub. Itās a finicky process, but focusing on the little things does a great job of lulling you into a rhythm and keeping you from bracing yourself for surprises. It keeps you busy with all the numbers and navigation controls that sometimes can messes you up. There are moments where youāre looking at the map and you feel like you shouldnāt be close to a wall, but for some reason, your motion sensor starts beeping at you. Do you have your calculations wrong, or could it be something else?
Even more so than most horror games, Iron Lung builds tension through exceptional sound design. Your ship is thick with the noise of the ocean, the thud of cave walls and the sound of blood (thick) moving around your ship. The sounds of the ocean around you range from mundane to worrying as you begin to suspect there are creatures out there that you have no way of seeing.
After i read the intro text states that thereās no time to train the prisoner on the operation of the sub before launch, i was certain that I was going to die. Whether it be from a lack of oxygen, or the crushing pressure, or some impossible thing in the blood water, didnāt actually matter. I knew I would die. Which meant the assumption of death, and horror, lurks around every corner. Every thud against the shipās hull became colored by death. Every ruptured pneumatic pipe, a signal that my time was up. And of course the screen that showed you everything that you don't want to know about the moon.
Iron Lung is a game that evokes the end of a broken world, one defined by cruel systems which we built foolishly. Your investigation, and your focus, are cruel pantomimes of an attempt at a better future. It is an inevitable failure, and an execution. In most horror games, there's at least a hope that'll make it out alive and return to normalcy, but in Iron Lung there is no normalcy to return to.
Horror has been a beloved genre for millions of people for a century now and that can also be said with video games. A great horror game will make you think about it for a couple hours after you finish it, it will send you into a depressing vegetative state and i can't think of anything that has done something like that in recent time other than Iron Lung. You see, for years i have played so many horror games from many different titles and what i can learn from those experiences is that horror can really expose the fear that every person have. Fear of dark, fear of enclosed space, fear of deep sea, fear of loud noises, fear of blood, these are just an example that horror genre used often for so long. But there is one fear that i think most people couldn't stand or dealt with and that is the fear of the unknown.
Short but powerful, that is a sentence that i can describe Iron Lung. It set in an ocean of blood on an alien moon in the wake of the āQuiet Rapture," which is one of the scariest description for an apocalypse i've ever seen, an event which saw the disappearance of every lifeform in the universe with the exception of people living on autonomous space stations. After every known star and planet in the universe disappears, the last remnants of humanity send a prisoner, namely you as the player to the depth of this strange moon covered in a sea of āāblood to explore what secrets may lie beneath its surface in a submarine. And you never know what is inside of the moon. The only thing you see is the inside of the small submarine you have welded together, and the low resolution images you can take of the inside.
The gameplay might be simple but it is what makes the game more intense and scarier which makes me more appreciate it. You navigate the ocean by adjusting your bearing, and forward velocity via a simple interface. You press the right button on your console to turn right, and the left button to turn left. You press the forward button to go forward, and the backward facing button to go backwards. It is simple, and slow. Your camera is controlled by a button at the back of your ship. To see where you are going you have to turn around and walk away from your controls. This means that, when you hear a thud outside your ship, there is a significant delay between the sound and your ability to take a photo of what made that noise. The photographs take a moment to develop and the delay makes me crazy, sick, feelings that i have not feel before with horror games because you are not alone in the craters of this impossibly alive, alien moon.
That aspect of Iron Lung is what keeps me still thinking and put me in state that i have never experience before in my life. A simple tension that comes from blindly navigating your sub, constantly looking at the map to try to figure out what you are to make sure you donāt crash your sub. Itās a finicky process, but focusing on the little things does a great job of lulling you into a rhythm and keeping you from bracing yourself for surprises. It keeps you busy with all the numbers and navigation controls that sometimes can messes you up. There are moments where youāre looking at the map and you feel like you shouldnāt be close to a wall, but for some reason, your motion sensor starts beeping at you. Do you have your calculations wrong, or could it be something else?
Even more so than most horror games, Iron Lung builds tension through exceptional sound design. Your ship is thick with the noise of the ocean, the thud of cave walls and the sound of blood (thick) moving around your ship. The sounds of the ocean around you range from mundane to worrying as you begin to suspect there are creatures out there that you have no way of seeing.
After i read the intro text states that thereās no time to train the prisoner on the operation of the sub before launch, i was certain that I was going to die. Whether it be from a lack of oxygen, or the crushing pressure, or some impossible thing in the blood water, didnāt actually matter. I knew I would die. Which meant the assumption of death, and horror, lurks around every corner. Every thud against the shipās hull became colored by death. Every ruptured pneumatic pipe, a signal that my time was up. And of course the screen that showed you everything that you don't want to know about the moon.
Iron Lung is a game that evokes the end of a broken world, one defined by cruel systems which we built foolishly. Your investigation, and your focus, are cruel pantomimes of an attempt at a better future. It is an inevitable failure, and an execution. In most horror games, there's at least a hope that'll make it out alive and return to normalcy, but in Iron Lung there is no normalcy to return to.
Final Fantasy VII
1997
Welcome to next generation. Final Fantasy 7.
It's a game where one of the best journeys you can get and still is. A goofy one. A serious one. A sad one. A happy one.
A one big adventure that is.
I was expecting a overrated but fun game. But this game... This game managed to bring me the old lighthearted feelings back to me. I liked 4,5 and... first half of 6 but HOLY MOLY. Ff7 the Best one when it comes to the Journey yet for me.
To the point I even went as far as to get gold chocobo and take down Emerald weapon I was that committed to it (If you know you know).
When it comes to story, I wasn't expecting to get shocked because the spoilers everyone knows about. You know it. I know it. (Do not worry I am not gonna go into detail even if you don't know it)
But I was wrong. It shocked me it emotionally gripped me and kept me smiling with every conversation.
Story wise it's a bit messy to understand. But in it's core it's about two broken people. A person that wants revenge from the world and an another person that wants to take revenge from him. Sephiroth and Cloud. And just like that, both of them is the main characters of the story. Oh also, there is an another empire(it's called mega corp this time) to fight of course
But just like ff6, Empire are the Reason. But the Sephiroth is the Cause. And Cloud is the Solution.
And I loved that it's sticks to this to the end.
And side characters wise, they were fun. Are they the best side characters tho...? It's hard to say. There is a lot of good ones, Barret is awesome with a story of how a man can get angry to the point becoming a terrorist, Tifa and Aerith is awesome with their stories of coping with loss in their own way and seeing the romance blooming is just heartwarming, Cid is awesome with the story of a man can't let go of his past and turn into a rude as##ole but that's because how much he cares people around him even tho he sucks at showing it. There is also Turks, an opposite agent group that tries to takes us down but with every clash we slowly come to a respectable rivalry with them. There is Rufus, Big part of the Empire, even tho he is not much shown in the story, his sticking to his ambitions somehow manages to make him admirable(also I kinda wanted to see him more because of that even if he is a side character). There is also Cait Sith, he doesn't have a story arc like others but just for his clash with Barret and the argument of what is terrorism or not kinda made him good in my eyes.
There is also others... Vincent. Edgy word personified just like Shadow from ff6. Also Yuffie, same empty as Gau from ff6 but maybe with a little more personality. Shinra council members... Goofy but forgettable villains they are. Also Professor Hojo... The most despicable scientist there is... And couple more I forgot.
But when it comes to moments... This game really shines. Midgar plate event... The forgotten city... And the "Reunion". It's... Single-handedly enough to make this game better than all of my previous experiences. That's all I can say.
Unfortunately it's not perfect.
Because this game does not have a epilogue.
Why it's a flaw you ask? Because for me. The epilogue, the celebration, the aftermath is one of the most important things in a story and this game does not do that unlike every ff game I had played. It ends ambiguous. I can see why people like it but for me every ff's epilogue parts are best ways to cap a story down. But I guess it's never meant to be... ą² ā ļøµā ą²
Gameplay wise it's the game I wanted ff4 to be. Classes but with customizable skills/materias. It's actually ff6's Relic system but expanded exponentially. You don't learn a strong magic and called it a day like ff6. You customize and select whatever skills you need. But you can't go overboard like ff6 because you are limited of what you can select. Then the real part kicks in. You strategize and prepare beforehand. Make some people healers, some of them physical attackers, some of them supporters, some of them magicians etc. I really enjoyed this part of it.
But for some reason class specific skills turned to something called "limit breaks" that is one shot hard hitting last defence kinda skills. While I understand that they want to make it not spammable skills like ff6 did(ehm sabin super combo attack ehm), it was kinda disappointing for me because they take too long to kick in and when they don't, character differences gets lost. I don't know why they did it tbh for example a dragoon joined on our party. But not being able to "jump" command freely kinda disappointed me.
It looks like ff5 gameplay is still is superior to all.
But one super duper nice thing is other team members still can level up with getting 1/2 exp from the main party unlike ff6, also at least there is no forced create teams part(I mean there is but it's not forced) like ff6 bc Fu#kin piece of sh#t grinding it gave me for the last dungeon still in my nightmares.
Also this game requires no grinding as long as you have the necessary skill/materia. You can rush the story without fighting once in the overworld. Heck yeah. Tho, most of the bosses have so little health, I kinda wish more balanced bosses so I didn't kill them in 3 minutes including the finale boss.
Also this game have minigames. How many you ask? A modern yakuza amount I would say and I am not frickin kidding. Be it timing minigames to even submarine or motor riding minigame in it to play. It's damn insane that HOW MANY minigames in this game that somehow works in the little puny ps1. It's insane.
Anyway that's all for the gameplay. I liked it but I would prefer highly nerfed but openly usable class skills rather than limit breaks next time. But really enjoyed the customizable skill/materia system so it's more on the plus side.
So yeah that's Final Fantasy 7. A wonderful game that if you still have your child in you, you will still enjoy it full percent. Think it like the goofy but heartful adventure you watched countless times in cartoons but still wish to see it again and again. This is what final fantasy about after all. A story of a friendship that borns from an adventure.
And no I don't recommend starting from remake. I haven't played it but what I heard is story is not the same.
It's a game where one of the best journeys you can get and still is. A goofy one. A serious one. A sad one. A happy one.
A one big adventure that is.
I was expecting a overrated but fun game. But this game... This game managed to bring me the old lighthearted feelings back to me. I liked 4,5 and... first half of 6 but HOLY MOLY. Ff7 the Best one when it comes to the Journey yet for me.
To the point I even went as far as to get gold chocobo and take down Emerald weapon I was that committed to it (If you know you know).
When it comes to story, I wasn't expecting to get shocked because the spoilers everyone knows about. You know it. I know it. (Do not worry I am not gonna go into detail even if you don't know it)
But I was wrong. It shocked me it emotionally gripped me and kept me smiling with every conversation.
Story wise it's a bit messy to understand. But in it's core it's about two broken people. A person that wants revenge from the world and an another person that wants to take revenge from him. Sephiroth and Cloud. And just like that, both of them is the main characters of the story. Oh also, there is an another empire(it's called mega corp this time) to fight of course
But just like ff6, Empire are the Reason. But the Sephiroth is the Cause. And Cloud is the Solution.
And I loved that it's sticks to this to the end.
And side characters wise, they were fun. Are they the best side characters tho...? It's hard to say. There is a lot of good ones, Barret is awesome with a story of how a man can get angry to the point becoming a terrorist, Tifa and Aerith is awesome with their stories of coping with loss in their own way and seeing the romance blooming is just heartwarming, Cid is awesome with the story of a man can't let go of his past and turn into a rude as##ole but that's because how much he cares people around him even tho he sucks at showing it. There is also Turks, an opposite agent group that tries to takes us down but with every clash we slowly come to a respectable rivalry with them. There is Rufus, Big part of the Empire, even tho he is not much shown in the story, his sticking to his ambitions somehow manages to make him admirable(also I kinda wanted to see him more because of that even if he is a side character). There is also Cait Sith, he doesn't have a story arc like others but just for his clash with Barret and the argument of what is terrorism or not kinda made him good in my eyes.
There is also others... Vincent. Edgy word personified just like Shadow from ff6. Also Yuffie, same empty as Gau from ff6 but maybe with a little more personality. Shinra council members... Goofy but forgettable villains they are. Also Professor Hojo... The most despicable scientist there is... And couple more I forgot.
But when it comes to moments... This game really shines. Midgar plate event... The forgotten city... And the "Reunion". It's... Single-handedly enough to make this game better than all of my previous experiences. That's all I can say.
Unfortunately it's not perfect.
Because this game does not have a epilogue.
Why it's a flaw you ask? Because for me. The epilogue, the celebration, the aftermath is one of the most important things in a story and this game does not do that unlike every ff game I had played. It ends ambiguous. I can see why people like it but for me every ff's epilogue parts are best ways to cap a story down. But I guess it's never meant to be... ą² ā ļøµā ą²
Gameplay wise it's the game I wanted ff4 to be. Classes but with customizable skills/materias. It's actually ff6's Relic system but expanded exponentially. You don't learn a strong magic and called it a day like ff6. You customize and select whatever skills you need. But you can't go overboard like ff6 because you are limited of what you can select. Then the real part kicks in. You strategize and prepare beforehand. Make some people healers, some of them physical attackers, some of them supporters, some of them magicians etc. I really enjoyed this part of it.
But for some reason class specific skills turned to something called "limit breaks" that is one shot hard hitting last defence kinda skills. While I understand that they want to make it not spammable skills like ff6 did(ehm sabin super combo attack ehm), it was kinda disappointing for me because they take too long to kick in and when they don't, character differences gets lost. I don't know why they did it tbh for example a dragoon joined on our party. But not being able to "jump" command freely kinda disappointed me.
It looks like ff5 gameplay is still is superior to all.
But one super duper nice thing is other team members still can level up with getting 1/2 exp from the main party unlike ff6, also at least there is no forced create teams part(I mean there is but it's not forced) like ff6 bc Fu#kin piece of sh#t grinding it gave me for the last dungeon still in my nightmares.
Also this game requires no grinding as long as you have the necessary skill/materia. You can rush the story without fighting once in the overworld. Heck yeah. Tho, most of the bosses have so little health, I kinda wish more balanced bosses so I didn't kill them in 3 minutes including the finale boss.
Also this game have minigames. How many you ask? A modern yakuza amount I would say and I am not frickin kidding. Be it timing minigames to even submarine or motor riding minigame in it to play. It's damn insane that HOW MANY minigames in this game that somehow works in the little puny ps1. It's insane.
Anyway that's all for the gameplay. I liked it but I would prefer highly nerfed but openly usable class skills rather than limit breaks next time. But really enjoyed the customizable skill/materia system so it's more on the plus side.
So yeah that's Final Fantasy 7. A wonderful game that if you still have your child in you, you will still enjoy it full percent. Think it like the goofy but heartful adventure you watched countless times in cartoons but still wish to see it again and again. This is what final fantasy about after all. A story of a friendship that borns from an adventure.
And no I don't recommend starting from remake. I haven't played it but what I heard is story is not the same.
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