Rather than review it normally, here is a chronicle of my first five runs. Know that I ranked it a 5, not because it's perfect, but because of how I feel about it
#1
This game is a clunky, muddled, overrated mess. They explain nothing, they set you up to fail, and the visual quality is awful. There must be some cognitive dissonance going on with you people to enjoy something so unfun. (couldn't beat Taurus Demon, lol)
#2
Never thought I would actually say this, but not only did I beat Dark Souls, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Don't let people tell you "if you die, it's your fault" or "tough, but fair", I got killed plenty of times by clipping or some glitch or other. (Not to mention some awful platforming 😆). But all that being said, the game is unmissable. Sure, the difficulty is high, but less from combat, more from being obtuse. The next move is rarely obvious, even frustrating, but constantly rewarding. Developing your skills, discovering new locales, triumphing over a challenge; these things are inimitable. After Sekiro, Bloodborne, and Souls 1, I am a FromSoftware fan. Praise the Sun.
#3
Mage build IS easy mode. Somehow Gwyn, Lord of Cinder gave me trouble. Still love this game though.
#4
Third time beating it this year. Still not easy. I love it. I'm a full-on fan, but this game is NOT perfect. The Anor Londo rooftops, O & S fight remains unfair and kinda shitty tbh, the Crystal Cave run to Seath with a curse on, Lost Izalith and the mf'ing Bed of Chaos is a joke. Some of it is so wack that cheesing it seems perfectly fair. I'm also going to say that Fromsoftware seems to craft minimal, yet immediately lovable side characters with stories that seem impossible to progress organically. They disappear to random locations, require some secret item, or bizarre timeline of interacting with others thats completely counterintuitive. It's beyond cryptic and it's disappointing. All that being said, natural progression remains some of the most satisfying in gaming, exploration is still awe-inspiring, and the circular verticality of the level design is still fascinating. Definitely worth a play, definitely real greatness, but holy hell is it a shit sandwich in places.
#5
I went from hating this game the first time I tried it to beating it four times within the last year. I cannot get enough. Top five of all-time, for sure. Played the DLC for the first time and it's thoroughly dope. Artorias, Kalameet, and Manus are superb bosses. Absolutely worth playing. By the way, Black Knight Halberd completely breaks the game. Easiest run through it yet. Final boss, first try.
If there is any part of you that wants to try it, expect to be crushed. Know that the more you push through the walls, the more you'll love it. Don't be ashamed to ask for tips or look at a guide. Avoid the graveyard at the beginning, level VIT END and STR and never RES, kill the dogs first, try tongue but whole, and don't fat roll.
And whatever you do, don't go Hollow, my friend.
#1
This game is a clunky, muddled, overrated mess. They explain nothing, they set you up to fail, and the visual quality is awful. There must be some cognitive dissonance going on with you people to enjoy something so unfun. (couldn't beat Taurus Demon, lol)
#2
Never thought I would actually say this, but not only did I beat Dark Souls, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Don't let people tell you "if you die, it's your fault" or "tough, but fair", I got killed plenty of times by clipping or some glitch or other. (Not to mention some awful platforming 😆). But all that being said, the game is unmissable. Sure, the difficulty is high, but less from combat, more from being obtuse. The next move is rarely obvious, even frustrating, but constantly rewarding. Developing your skills, discovering new locales, triumphing over a challenge; these things are inimitable. After Sekiro, Bloodborne, and Souls 1, I am a FromSoftware fan. Praise the Sun.
#3
Mage build IS easy mode. Somehow Gwyn, Lord of Cinder gave me trouble. Still love this game though.
#4
Third time beating it this year. Still not easy. I love it. I'm a full-on fan, but this game is NOT perfect. The Anor Londo rooftops, O & S fight remains unfair and kinda shitty tbh, the Crystal Cave run to Seath with a curse on, Lost Izalith and the mf'ing Bed of Chaos is a joke. Some of it is so wack that cheesing it seems perfectly fair. I'm also going to say that Fromsoftware seems to craft minimal, yet immediately lovable side characters with stories that seem impossible to progress organically. They disappear to random locations, require some secret item, or bizarre timeline of interacting with others thats completely counterintuitive. It's beyond cryptic and it's disappointing. All that being said, natural progression remains some of the most satisfying in gaming, exploration is still awe-inspiring, and the circular verticality of the level design is still fascinating. Definitely worth a play, definitely real greatness, but holy hell is it a shit sandwich in places.
#5
I went from hating this game the first time I tried it to beating it four times within the last year. I cannot get enough. Top five of all-time, for sure. Played the DLC for the first time and it's thoroughly dope. Artorias, Kalameet, and Manus are superb bosses. Absolutely worth playing. By the way, Black Knight Halberd completely breaks the game. Easiest run through it yet. Final boss, first try.
If there is any part of you that wants to try it, expect to be crushed. Know that the more you push through the walls, the more you'll love it. Don't be ashamed to ask for tips or look at a guide. Avoid the graveyard at the beginning, level VIT END and STR and never RES, kill the dogs first, try tongue but whole, and don't fat roll.
And whatever you do, don't go Hollow, my friend.
2016
Relaxing, little two-hour jaunt. It's no Journey, or Subnautica for that matter, but Sony gave this one away with those, so I'm not complaining. I'd have been harsher if I paid for it.
1999
....I wanted to like it. It's remarkably similar to the old school Resident Evils that I love, but with everything charming and interesting removed. Characters aren't unique or funny, environments bland and repetitive, the puzzles are so incredibly mundane and artless that they felt like a chore. If this gets the modern remake treatment, I could see it being fun, but playing this sans nostalgia is laborious and dull.
1998
I haven't quit in the middle of a game in a while, but fuck this shit. I hate it. I hate it. Mechanics are far too antiquated and the camera is your worst enemy. Damn game is giving me a midlife crisis. I thought it was too childish from the jump, but I kept pushing and the feeling of "wtf am I doing" kept blooming over and over again. Also, continuing to play this game means I would also have to keep listening to its music. 🤢 (Rusty Bucket Bay) And on top of all that, it robbed me of genuine nostalgia. I grew up with Donkey Kong 64, and it's kind of a guilty pleasure, but now I realize how much of a copy/paste it is of this. One of my favorite game reviewers called this "concentrated fun", but there's no going backwards this far. Missed the boat.
I slept on Guacamelee for so long! I thought the art style was really lame, like Samurai Jack or something, but I'm pleased as punch to admit my mistake. Five minutes in and I didn't even think about it anymore. Whoever thought to make a Metroidvania beat-em-up is a freakin' genius. It's way more linear than a normal MV, which makes it much more accessible to those who don't play them. The combat is some of the purest fun I've had in a while and the platforming reminds me of Metroid at it's finest. Parts of the platforming can be very challenging, but also very forgiving. They don't make you replay entire sections and respawn time is instantaneous. I wouldn't say this has the most original gameplay elements out there, but I can undoubtedly say it's one of the most fun, successful amalgamations on the market. Next time you see it on sale, don't skip it! I paid maybe $3-$4 and I loved it from start to finish. Already bought the sequel and I can't wait to try it. 😁
Also, this game is rife with references to other titles. I got so much enjoyment out of finding them and picking them out. The sheer amount of Metroid love this game displays makes my heart swell 10x its size.
Also, this game is rife with references to other titles. I got so much enjoyment out of finding them and picking them out. The sheer amount of Metroid love this game displays makes my heart swell 10x its size.
1998
This one has been in the backlog forever. Last time I tried it I was enjoying it, but like a lot of old RPGs, it was remarkably easy to play myself into an unwinnable corner. (I'd highly recommend playing with a guide to mitigate the ancient frustrations.) Never left my mind though. I really like the presentation, the RE-style prerendered backgrounds, the characters, music, and ambient SFX. I honestly couldn't tell you if the story was nonsensical or brilliant, but it's definitely wackadoodle. And the ENDING is delightfully ridiculous.
2014
Alien: Isolation is a lovingly crafted, terrifying homage to the movie series and for fuck's sake, I am glad to be done with it.
The attention to detail is incredible. Being a fan of the franchise, it was easy to stand in awe of the environment and atmosphere that these developers have created. The sound design is amazing too. I wore good noise-canceling headphones and quickly felt completely immersed. I heard every creak and whine onboard the spaceship as well as the precise direction the Alien was banging around in the vents. The technology behind the Alien A.I. stalking you around the station far exceeds Mr. X, Nemesis, and Lady Dimitrescu easily. And it is not fun. It is dread-inducing and horrifying for about one-third of the game, and then it becomes irritating and frustrating. And that sucks, because the premise of this game (fleeing an unkillable, genius xenomorph that can show up at any time in any place on an apocalyptic space station) is brilliant. It became such a nuisance. The gameplay is a series of walking, hiding, boring crafting, and nothing hacking mini-games, so imagine doing these groanworthy tasks and being killed by the Alien by pure chance, then being sent back 10-15 minutes and having to do it all again. And goddamn, is this the most poorly-paced game I have ever played. It's bloated with neverending "turn the power back on", "turn the power off", hack this, turn this switch, flip this lever ERRANDS. I was constantly operating complicated machinery while having no clue what the objective is or was. And the amount of times I had to flee during what felt like a world-ending evacuation sequence, only to feel the screeching brakes applied and get hurled right back into the mundanity of the minute-to-minute gameplay was unbearable. There is a sequence about 3/4's of the way through that would have been a fantastic way to end it, but nope. It drags on another hour or two and ultimately concludes with a terribly slow, ponderous ending that makes you wonder what they intended you to get from it. As much as I want to, it breaks my heart that I can't recommend this to anybody but the most diehard Alien fans. It is not-great survival horror and doesn't work well as an action game either. I played it once and I doubt I'll ever do it again. Like I said, the imagery, the environment, the sound, and the Alien are marvels, but it is not a fun video game.
The attention to detail is incredible. Being a fan of the franchise, it was easy to stand in awe of the environment and atmosphere that these developers have created. The sound design is amazing too. I wore good noise-canceling headphones and quickly felt completely immersed. I heard every creak and whine onboard the spaceship as well as the precise direction the Alien was banging around in the vents. The technology behind the Alien A.I. stalking you around the station far exceeds Mr. X, Nemesis, and Lady Dimitrescu easily. And it is not fun. It is dread-inducing and horrifying for about one-third of the game, and then it becomes irritating and frustrating. And that sucks, because the premise of this game (fleeing an unkillable, genius xenomorph that can show up at any time in any place on an apocalyptic space station) is brilliant. It became such a nuisance. The gameplay is a series of walking, hiding, boring crafting, and nothing hacking mini-games, so imagine doing these groanworthy tasks and being killed by the Alien by pure chance, then being sent back 10-15 minutes and having to do it all again. And goddamn, is this the most poorly-paced game I have ever played. It's bloated with neverending "turn the power back on", "turn the power off", hack this, turn this switch, flip this lever ERRANDS. I was constantly operating complicated machinery while having no clue what the objective is or was. And the amount of times I had to flee during what felt like a world-ending evacuation sequence, only to feel the screeching brakes applied and get hurled right back into the mundanity of the minute-to-minute gameplay was unbearable. There is a sequence about 3/4's of the way through that would have been a fantastic way to end it, but nope. It drags on another hour or two and ultimately concludes with a terribly slow, ponderous ending that makes you wonder what they intended you to get from it. As much as I want to, it breaks my heart that I can't recommend this to anybody but the most diehard Alien fans. It is not-great survival horror and doesn't work well as an action game either. I played it once and I doubt I'll ever do it again. Like I said, the imagery, the environment, the sound, and the Alien are marvels, but it is not a fun video game.
2014
Lords of the Fallen is kind of a middling, Dark Souls stepchild. It has some technical issues that were pretty annoying. There was a long-term audio glitch that disabled dialogue for hours. There was another time a boss grabbed me from across the arena and I clipped through the wall and saw the whole map. There are some embarrassing spelling errors in BOSS NAMES (Worshiper?!) and items (Tyrany). All this adds up into a solid feeling that not a lot of polish and refinement went into this. All that being said, it's an easier, SLIGHTLY more accessible Soulslike experience. Getting good loot and fighting the big bads was pretty enjoyable. Figuring out how to utilize your skills to best deal with a new enemy is satisfying and fun. There is plenty of incentive to play multiple times and I probably will. It's usually on sale cheap AF, so if you like the Souls games, but for some reason don't want to play them (lol?), then this is worth a shot.
By the way, the most ludicrous mechanic this game has is revealing hidden walls. You cant hit them with light or heavy strikes. There is no hit animation or even an audio cue to indicate there is anything there. You cannot press the action button, jump into it, or smack it with your shield. The only way to do it is to sprint at the wall and lift the shield at the last second. How would anyone know that? Really stupid.
By the way, the most ludicrous mechanic this game has is revealing hidden walls. You cant hit them with light or heavy strikes. There is no hit animation or even an audio cue to indicate there is anything there. You cannot press the action button, jump into it, or smack it with your shield. The only way to do it is to sprint at the wall and lift the shield at the last second. How would anyone know that? Really stupid.
2013
Got this one in a Humble Bundle five years ago and never touched it until now. I went in without much interest, due to no previous experience with the franchise, and low expectations. I'd say it wasn't bad. Being a decade old, the main characters facial animations were reliable and even impressive at times. The environments were a little homogenous and got stale pretty quick. Aside from the final area, which I found thrilling. Reminded me a lot of the Impact Crater from Metroid Prime. With the other areas though, they tried to encourage backtracking and exploration, but the landscapes can be so barren and the mech you pilot is so slow and cumbersome that it made it a hassle. I hardly bothered with any secondary objectives because of this, not that the rewards were much to speak of anyway. Don't wanna be completely negative though. The music was really unnerving at times with sinister strings reminiscent of Morricone's The Thing soundtrack. I enjoyed the story and I was genuinely curious about what would happen next. The characters were easy to connect with too, especially the husband/wife dynamic of your character. I found myself surprisingly invested in the relationships being expanded upon along the way. The combat is your standard over-the-shoulder shooter, but it's riddled with really awful QTE's that even permeated the final fight, robbing it of some momentum. I don't think I'll replay it, but I don't regret the once-over. The game also commits the cardinal sin of locking the platinum trophy behind multiplayer trophies which is often the nail in the coffin for me when it comes to replayability.
2016
Dark Souls III
The flame sputtered and flickered but was again kindled. The fire is linked and the Age of Dark's inevitable cascade has been abated. Whether that was noble or not, I still don't know. This game was fantastic. It's truly an excellent conclusion to one of the best game series I've ever played. Everything I loved about the previous titles is present and refined to a razor's edge. The quality of life improvements present were a welcome respite to the somewhat bewildering choices of the other games. There were moments, heaving open ancient doorways and beholding new vistas, that had my jaw on the floor. Every time I booted the game up, I had to marvel at the way the bonfire flames reflected off the stone and the plate of my armor for a few minutes before beginning in earnest. The level of intricate detail in the environment is baffling. I would often stand over scenic overlooks and gaze at all the painstakingly designed stonework and just marvel. And the fighting! Designing Bloodborne before this title clearly had an effect. The speed of movement and combat has been boosted to perfection. And I have so few complaints. The final boss was still too easy. It should have inspired fear and awe, but ended up a little lackluster. Also, maybe it was just me, but I barely used the shield parry the entire game. Had a lot of trouble finding the right timing compared to the others. And that's about it. If you're considering this series, but don't want to start on the older titles, then this is a reasonable place to start. Not ideal though. You'll miss out on valuable lore and experience, but I found it very intuitive and easy to pick up. Highest recommendations all around. I'm nearing the end of my From Software journey now and I can't tell you what a joy it's been. The triumphs and the fun have vastly outweighed the frustrations.
"Be safe, friend. Don't you dare go Hollow."
The flame sputtered and flickered but was again kindled. The fire is linked and the Age of Dark's inevitable cascade has been abated. Whether that was noble or not, I still don't know. This game was fantastic. It's truly an excellent conclusion to one of the best game series I've ever played. Everything I loved about the previous titles is present and refined to a razor's edge. The quality of life improvements present were a welcome respite to the somewhat bewildering choices of the other games. There were moments, heaving open ancient doorways and beholding new vistas, that had my jaw on the floor. Every time I booted the game up, I had to marvel at the way the bonfire flames reflected off the stone and the plate of my armor for a few minutes before beginning in earnest. The level of intricate detail in the environment is baffling. I would often stand over scenic overlooks and gaze at all the painstakingly designed stonework and just marvel. And the fighting! Designing Bloodborne before this title clearly had an effect. The speed of movement and combat has been boosted to perfection. And I have so few complaints. The final boss was still too easy. It should have inspired fear and awe, but ended up a little lackluster. Also, maybe it was just me, but I barely used the shield parry the entire game. Had a lot of trouble finding the right timing compared to the others. And that's about it. If you're considering this series, but don't want to start on the older titles, then this is a reasonable place to start. Not ideal though. You'll miss out on valuable lore and experience, but I found it very intuitive and easy to pick up. Highest recommendations all around. I'm nearing the end of my From Software journey now and I can't tell you what a joy it's been. The triumphs and the fun have vastly outweighed the frustrations.
"Be safe, friend. Don't you dare go Hollow."
Pros:
Animation is top-notch
Variety of gameplay mechanics
Variety of missions
Character and level design
Voice acting is highly expressive
Cons:
Writing/story
Worst double jump
Range of camera
Lack of accessibility options
Worst health system
2001 was a hugely competitive year for gaming. The Gamecube and OG Xbox released with their big launch hits and PS2 dropped some of their most influential games to date. Super Smash Bros Melee, Halo: Combat Evolved, Grand Theft Auto 3, Metal Gear Solid 2, Max Payne, Pikmin, etc. Just a bananas release year. And Jak and Daxter was the first big 3D platformer of the new-gen by the Crash Bandicoot developer Naughty Dog who went on to be fuckin' legends. I gotta say, I'm surprised that this holds up as well as it does. There are plenty of entertaining mechanics here. Launch pads, vehicles, animal companions, power ups, decent platforming. Only decent because the double-jump sucks ass. It works when it feels like it and only if you haven't descended an INCH yet. Ugh. And the camera is utter balls half the time too, which can make or break a platformer. Sometimes the range is 360°, other times 90° and you can't even see the precise jump you have to make next. You have zero control over the Y-axis and the x-axis is permanently inverted with no alternative option. HATE that. I wish I had gotten to dive into it 20 years ago when it felt like fresh air amongst the 90 million Mario 64 clones because it just doesn't feel as original now as it was when it came out and that's not its fault. The world and denizens are well-crafted and they're all voiced in a way that's highly emotive. The only thing is EVERYTHING is voiced and they don't offer a subtitle option. And all the cutscenes are unskippable. I found myself bored to death with the constant conversational interruptions. And, despite being forced to watch, I really did not know and could not be bothered to care what the story was until the last hour. It was just an arbitrary excuse to get you into the variety of biomes on offer and that's fine with me. Just not memorable. What is memorable is the animation. The characters move in a way thats highly impressive. I've poured a lot of hours into other games from this year specifically and this game puts them to shame. GTA III's running and punching looks goofy af comparatively and this one's facial expressions just crush EVERYTHING. Especially Halo 1's muppet-mouth-ass characters. 😂. Last complaint: the health recovery is stupid af. You take three hits, then you die. Fine, okay. But to recover one chunk, you have to pick up like, FIFTY orbs. Might as well just die because the checkpoints are friendly enough. I'd bet money it's not in Jak 2.
I was alternatively annoyed and having a blast with this one. Completing the variety of objectives and acquiring all the collectables was genuinely great, aside from one or two annoying bike runs. The last boss was fun, but I've honestly forgotten if there was a single other boss in the game. Which is a shame. Anyway, I don't know if I can recommend playing this on PS2, but I'm pretty sure there are more modern releases with (hopefully) updated and refined gameplay which I'm sure would be a bit more pleasant.
Animation is top-notch
Variety of gameplay mechanics
Variety of missions
Character and level design
Voice acting is highly expressive
Cons:
Writing/story
Worst double jump
Range of camera
Lack of accessibility options
Worst health system
2001 was a hugely competitive year for gaming. The Gamecube and OG Xbox released with their big launch hits and PS2 dropped some of their most influential games to date. Super Smash Bros Melee, Halo: Combat Evolved, Grand Theft Auto 3, Metal Gear Solid 2, Max Payne, Pikmin, etc. Just a bananas release year. And Jak and Daxter was the first big 3D platformer of the new-gen by the Crash Bandicoot developer Naughty Dog who went on to be fuckin' legends. I gotta say, I'm surprised that this holds up as well as it does. There are plenty of entertaining mechanics here. Launch pads, vehicles, animal companions, power ups, decent platforming. Only decent because the double-jump sucks ass. It works when it feels like it and only if you haven't descended an INCH yet. Ugh. And the camera is utter balls half the time too, which can make or break a platformer. Sometimes the range is 360°, other times 90° and you can't even see the precise jump you have to make next. You have zero control over the Y-axis and the x-axis is permanently inverted with no alternative option. HATE that. I wish I had gotten to dive into it 20 years ago when it felt like fresh air amongst the 90 million Mario 64 clones because it just doesn't feel as original now as it was when it came out and that's not its fault. The world and denizens are well-crafted and they're all voiced in a way that's highly emotive. The only thing is EVERYTHING is voiced and they don't offer a subtitle option. And all the cutscenes are unskippable. I found myself bored to death with the constant conversational interruptions. And, despite being forced to watch, I really did not know and could not be bothered to care what the story was until the last hour. It was just an arbitrary excuse to get you into the variety of biomes on offer and that's fine with me. Just not memorable. What is memorable is the animation. The characters move in a way thats highly impressive. I've poured a lot of hours into other games from this year specifically and this game puts them to shame. GTA III's running and punching looks goofy af comparatively and this one's facial expressions just crush EVERYTHING. Especially Halo 1's muppet-mouth-ass characters. 😂. Last complaint: the health recovery is stupid af. You take three hits, then you die. Fine, okay. But to recover one chunk, you have to pick up like, FIFTY orbs. Might as well just die because the checkpoints are friendly enough. I'd bet money it's not in Jak 2.
I was alternatively annoyed and having a blast with this one. Completing the variety of objectives and acquiring all the collectables was genuinely great, aside from one or two annoying bike runs. The last boss was fun, but I've honestly forgotten if there was a single other boss in the game. Which is a shame. Anyway, I don't know if I can recommend playing this on PS2, but I'm pretty sure there are more modern releases with (hopefully) updated and refined gameplay which I'm sure would be a bit more pleasant.
2011
I'm taking a deep breath and wiping the blood from my wall and forehead. Holy fuck.
First of all, let me say, at this moment, I don't HATE it. This is the first Sonic game I've ever played more than halfway through, much less to the end. I know only the barest bones of the franchise; I know what fans and haters say. Basically, it seems the quality of the franchise looks like unstable stock market charts. Up, up, UP, meteorite crash, middling, sadness, depression, spike!, UP!, trapdoor to hell. So, when people say that this is an anniversary present to the fanbase, a loving tribute to a long-running series, I can only assume that Sega made this game kinda shitty to also pay tribute to the shitty games they made when they were running the franchise into the ground. I'm being harsh, so let me sing a couple praises. The music jams. It's not my particular style, but it is undeniable how fun and infectious it is. To have classic and modern Sonic side-by-side was bold and BOUND to alienate somebody, but they crafted great levels for both. (For the record, I had more consistent fun with modern Sonic and it wasn't even close 😬) I wish I knew the series better so I could appreciate the remixed stages and songs. And to make these stages with all these branching paths and alternate routes is SO impressive. A couple hours in, I realized what this game was. "Easy to play, difficult to master." How exhilirating it must be to know these maps by heart and to fly around them at breakneck speed for flawless finishes.
I just don't ever see it for me. It's too frustrating. Right when I get a little confidence and start booking along, I feel like I run smack into an unavoidable obstacle that's just there to troll me. FUCK, that's so bad to keep derailing my pace. And speaking of pace-killing, the optional challenges were the worst mixed bag. Some were really innovative and interesting, but others were just mind-numbingly dull and brain-crippling. I did the first 30, but I completely phoned in the rest and did the bare minimum. The game has a terrible habit of explaining the SAME thing over and over and over and over and over within a stage. The repetitious dialogue cues make me want to rip my ears off throw them down the sewer. The final boss was the most egregious of all. I probably heard "it looks like a homing shot" 19 times in 4-5 minutes. Do they think I've been lobotomized? Am I playing Playstation with Alzheimer's where I need constant reminders of what's happening to me? Did nobody test this out and realize how grating it is? UGH.
I'm not sorry I played this. Despite the whining, there were times I had a blast. When I was on a roll, it felt incredible. But, I ain't playing it again. One and done!
First of all, let me say, at this moment, I don't HATE it. This is the first Sonic game I've ever played more than halfway through, much less to the end. I know only the barest bones of the franchise; I know what fans and haters say. Basically, it seems the quality of the franchise looks like unstable stock market charts. Up, up, UP, meteorite crash, middling, sadness, depression, spike!, UP!, trapdoor to hell. So, when people say that this is an anniversary present to the fanbase, a loving tribute to a long-running series, I can only assume that Sega made this game kinda shitty to also pay tribute to the shitty games they made when they were running the franchise into the ground. I'm being harsh, so let me sing a couple praises. The music jams. It's not my particular style, but it is undeniable how fun and infectious it is. To have classic and modern Sonic side-by-side was bold and BOUND to alienate somebody, but they crafted great levels for both. (For the record, I had more consistent fun with modern Sonic and it wasn't even close 😬) I wish I knew the series better so I could appreciate the remixed stages and songs. And to make these stages with all these branching paths and alternate routes is SO impressive. A couple hours in, I realized what this game was. "Easy to play, difficult to master." How exhilirating it must be to know these maps by heart and to fly around them at breakneck speed for flawless finishes.
I just don't ever see it for me. It's too frustrating. Right when I get a little confidence and start booking along, I feel like I run smack into an unavoidable obstacle that's just there to troll me. FUCK, that's so bad to keep derailing my pace. And speaking of pace-killing, the optional challenges were the worst mixed bag. Some were really innovative and interesting, but others were just mind-numbingly dull and brain-crippling. I did the first 30, but I completely phoned in the rest and did the bare minimum. The game has a terrible habit of explaining the SAME thing over and over and over and over and over within a stage. The repetitious dialogue cues make me want to rip my ears off throw them down the sewer. The final boss was the most egregious of all. I probably heard "it looks like a homing shot" 19 times in 4-5 minutes. Do they think I've been lobotomized? Am I playing Playstation with Alzheimer's where I need constant reminders of what's happening to me? Did nobody test this out and realize how grating it is? UGH.
I'm not sorry I played this. Despite the whining, there were times I had a blast. When I was on a roll, it felt incredible. But, I ain't playing it again. One and done!
2016
Man. This one was tough. These 2D Soulslikes feel harder than their namesakes, for real. This really is Dark Souls in 2D. You have all sorts of weapons and classes, covenants, magics, and armors to choose from. The map is interconnected, but it really felt kinda pointless, tbh. Sure, you could open a gate into an older area, but it just felt random rather than meticulously constructed like Souls. This is where the lack of a true Hub world hurt this game. It seems to emulate its progenitor for good and for ill, emulating even the outdated tropes that Souls phased out. Things like ridiculously cheap falling and enviromental hazards and brutal one-shot enemies. I was feeling a little bitter about this game and ready for it to be over when I learned one critical fact. This game was essentially made by ONE person. I think there were separate music contributions and the developer's wife added important artistic elements, but the game was built by ONE guy. There is a HUGE amount of detail to take into consideration. There is expansive lore (if you choose to dive in, they don't shotgun you in the face with it), cleverly balanced combat options, unique boss encounters, and distinct and NUMEROUS areas. I didn't have the most fun in the world, I actually spent a decent chunk of it irritated, but color me impressed. What a monumental achievement by this individual. It deserves way more praise than criticism. If I'm honest, I am more likely to replay Hollow Knight or Blasphemous, but if this kind of game is your bag, then dig it.
2009
When I went into this, I was led to believe this was the easiest one. I do not agree with that horseshit. 50/50 slog and fun. If Dark Souls 1 is a gem and 3 is that same jewel, polished and sparkling, then Demon's Souls is the rough, scuffed, unrefined ore in the vein. I can't believe I played this one last. All the quality of life improvements and the tender mercies of modern technology are so much vapor. Frame rate stutters and the brutal, lengthy gauntlets nearly did me in at the end of my road. (The run to the False King had me completely tilted.) I didn't have to use magic or do serious grinding in any of the other titles and it felt absolutely necessary here. Without Heal magic, I'd have bellyflopped for sure. I don't think there's much reason to go back and play this one unless you've declared your undying love for Fromsoft. You can see the DNA of all the other games swimming in this primordial ooze and that's reason enough to go for it. But, after switching publishers from Atlus to Bandai Namco, they essentially redid it and drastically improved with Dark Souls. This one was begging for a remake and I can only assume the PS5 is doing the title justice.
If you're anything like me, you lament the lost relics of childhood; both the material and immaterial. Some things can never be recovered. Or, if they can, they often disappoint upon revisiting. I considered the co-op beat-'em-up to be one of those experiences. Just another memory sealed away in a capsule. So, when I got the call from my buddy, "Well I was thinking we smoke and run through the new TMNT game?", I felt that inner rumbling of something exciting. That brimming, bubbling long-dormant nostalgia eager to soak my brain in endorphins. Also weed. My buddy had the whole spread ready. The chips and candy and pizza and wings and bud; the game room was blasting the new Kendrick and lit up by a nebula-projector.... Aaaannddd thats about all I remember up until the final boss fight, which is basically a four-boss run. We were down to our last Continue in Arcade mode. 1-2-3 bosses down, health in the red, we think we're done. BOOM. Super Shredder. Dead. Game Over. Heartbreaking. We sat with our defeat a day or two, wringing our hands, but it couldn't stand. Today was Attempt #2. Clear-headed and determined, I actually got to experience the game. It didn't let me down at all. Seeing characters I hadn't thought about in 25 years was a wild ride. The gameplay was near-perfect. We ran through level after level of glorious memories and music, racking up big combos, viciously spamming the special move (on my part, lol) and delighting in every health recovery with the loud "Pizza Time!". Whoever this developer is knew exactly what things to recreate and what mechanics to improve upon. What a sheer blast. We barrelled through the enemies all the way to Super Shredder and put him down once and for all. Joy and revelry. And not TWO MINUTES after our victory, the power goes out. Solidifying in my mind that some things happen in their own time, just the way they're meant too. I know this review is a little atypical, but the context is what made it so cool. Even more so than the game. The only additions I wish I had were a counter/parry button and our other friend playing on the 3P slot. But, like I said, some things that were once here yesterday are gone today. All in all, find a bro, sink into the couch, and tear into this one time for me. The game is fun, but it's a friend that makes the experience.
Also, Wu-Tang
Also, Wu-Tang