Everything you’ve heard about this game is true. There’s no physics, there’s no collision 90% of the game, it’s all grammatically incorrect, and I love it. Everyone needs to play this game. This is the funniest game of all time. It makes no sense. But you have to play it in short 10 minute bursts like once a year because it’ll get boring quickly. The game sucks in every way so I’ll have to give it a low score, but you really have to play this game in the right way to enjoy it a little. 0/10 game but I love playing it.

This is one of like 3 games from my childhood that still holds up. If you asked modern me and eight-year-old me what we thought of the game, we would both talk about the really cool part in Bowser's Castle where you drive on a rotating rod.

Courses are the main thing that really makes a Mario Kart game. Almost every game in the series prior to DS had some good courses, but only a few I could even think of wanting to play again. SNES has the most basic courses in the series, 64 had a couple of cool ones like Royal Raceway and its take on Bowser's Castle, Super Circuit on GBA had some great ideas like Cheese Land and Ribbon Road (although they felt pretty unrealized on the GBA), and Double Dash probably had the best ratio of okay courses to mediocre ones, specifically highlighting Dino Dino Jungle and Daisy Cruiser. So what makes DS's courses different?

The game's Mushroom Course starts off with the obligatory basic, beginner-level, Figure 8 Circuit. It may be boring. And it is. But hey, for what would be the most accessible game to younger players, it made sense to make something super simple with nearly no offroad segments. Yoshi's Falls followed it up, gradually adding some more aspects to levels. While not complex at all, it's a small and enjoyable course, with stuff like the waterfalls and the giant egg that doesn't do anything. But then the developers decided to finally make a good course with Cheep Cheep Beach. The atmosphere gives me a warm and cozy feeling, with some small, but nice shortcuts. It's still nothing big, but it's just building up to the truly insane courses. Luigi's Mansion is a course that I probably should hate because of the mud ruining your momentum in a great portion of the course, but I kind of love it since it's just a ton of people swerving around, with bananas inevitable. Obviously gonna be a safer cup, but it still holds a special place in my heart.

Don't be afraid, who else gets rock-hard to the Flower Cup in Mario Kart DS? This is probably my favorite cup in the game because it hits you immediately with some of the most creative ideas in the series. Of course, I'm going to have to mention Waluigi Pinball, which not only has a great theme but also some really wacky and off-the-wall elements, which has always shown to bring the best out of the series. A really big sleeper hit is Delfino Plaza, which I love for its many paths and lively atmosphere. There are so many different paths, which all are narrow pathways that build up suspense, especially if you don't have a banana or shell to protect you. The bridge jump rules too. Shroom Ridge is like the one and only course in the series where the car obstacles actually make it more fun. Plus, Desert Hills is like the one and only desert course in the series that looks aesthetically pleasing.

The next cup, The Star Cup, is easily the most difficult one. I know it's weird to say that about a relatively easy game, but then the subtitle for this review wouldn't make sense. Even without little me playing Mario 64, Tick Tock Clock was in like my top 3. I loved the random ass environment of driving in this big contraption, through rotating gears and the clock hands. Looking back at the game, I think I severely underrated Airship Fortress. It's quickly went from a solid course to one of my favorites. I love the Mario 3 references, I love the part when you get shot out of a cannon, I love drifting down the circular pillar, and I love the part where you dodge bullet bills. And DK Pass would be a top tier course too if those dumb ass snowmen weren't there at the end that I inevitably trip into on the 3rd lap and I go from 1st to 6th. Mario Circuit isn't bad but it’s like the most standard and basic course besides figure 8.

I'm so fucking good at this game oh my god. The Special Cup has some of the most memorable courses in the series. My personal favorite is and has always been its iteration of Bowser's Castle. The atmosphere is second to none, and I love the shortcuts. Not to mention the rotating rod part which is really really really really cool I swear. Peach Gardens is also kind of like a personal sleeper hit. Mushrooms can really cut through some big sections, and it feels so satisfying to maul through some monty moles with a star. The chain chomps also add some life to the course where it would be basic.

The 16 retro tracks in Super Circuit was a really cool edition, but since it was the SNES roster of tracks, I really couldn't care. But MKDS has a collection of the best courses through every prior MK game. Yoshi Circuit, Sky Garden, and Mushroom Bridge feel so adapted to the system, and you can really tell that these four extra cups doubling the count were no last-minute inclusion. Nearly every one of them is just a strictly better version of the old one, and adds some small things here and there.

I'm sure you've heard by now, but the mission mode is really something special. This is a new jam-packed mode full of some innovative and fun challenges that I'll always go for 3 stars in. I don't even know what else to say about it, it's just a super unique and replayable mode that the series has never brought back for some reason.

The unlockable characters are just really cool, but I really hope God doesn't care about me not liking Dry Bones. The odd one out is ROB, who was in this game before Brawl, which introduced many to him. I can't imagine how many kids just thought this guy was just some random ass new robot that they put into MKDS. Luckily, I'm immune from stupidity because I was never good enough as a kid to unlock him.

I wasn't sure whether or not to mention this, but there's a tech called Snaking that's kind of like the wavedashing of MKDS. It's not even an exploit or a glitch, all what you're doing is just really hurting your thumb to chain mini turbos in a very narrow space depending on how good you are. Snaking really changes a man, his thumbs, and opinions on the DS’s dpad.

Every part of me wants to love this game, and it's really working. Very solid 9/10. One of my favorite games of all time, and I'm not ashamed to love this instead of cult classic scrimbo bimbo rpg on the psp.

on a day in 2014, my mom gave me an ultimatum: buy a new 3DS game.

Idk what I did to deserve it, but I had to do a lot of pondering. I ended up deciding between two recently released games: Yoshi’s new island or Tomodachi Life. I believe that I would probably be in prison if I chose Yoshi’s New Island.

I had so much fun doing stuff like making my friends as miis and making them do stuff like sing custom songs and making them say the funniest thing 10 year old me could think of (fart)