aughhhh
BACKER
2022
So, I've done research. This is what they do: number one, you can see a cultist here, and the other cultist is poo-pooing, and this cultist is eating the poo-poo all over the place. Tell me, when you have a chosen one crusading in the name of The One Who Waits, do you say accept eating poo-poo?
As followers of the Four Bishops, we want to ask The Lamb to explain to us, is this what they want to bring to the Lands of the Old Faith? As an animal right to eat the poo-poo of our children?
As followers of the Four Bishops, we want to ask The Lamb to explain to us, is this what they want to bring to the Lands of the Old Faith? As an animal right to eat the poo-poo of our children?
find yourself a man who looks at you the way peter battley looks at mary richards
2024
discourse about microtransactions and performance aside:
this is japanese skyrim, with all of the associated positive and negative implications that statement brings along with it
hoping that whatever its dark arisen equivalent turns out to be will create a more complete, enjoyable version of itself.
this is japanese skyrim, with all of the associated positive and negative implications that statement brings along with it
hoping that whatever its dark arisen equivalent turns out to be will create a more complete, enjoyable version of itself.
2020
uuultra c is both a bit more abstract in its storytelling and more conscious of its stylistic conceits than hashihime was. nothing reaches the narrative highs of hashihime route 1, but the overall marriage of narrative and visuals ends up being more of an effective final product overall. the masked hero/kaiju genre is not one that you see getting the gay boy romance treatment very often so that in itself is pretty novel.
but like why does every y visual novel gotta lean so heavy into noncon? it's not as bad as hashihime was, but "i'm r*ping you to save your life" is still /not great/
but like why does every y visual novel gotta lean so heavy into noncon? it's not as bad as hashihime was, but "i'm r*ping you to save your life" is still /not great/
this is the visual novel equivalent of having someone edge you for hours just so they can get up and leave right when you finally start getting close
jesus christ
2023
less cohesive and well-written than it appears to be behind the veil of its exceptional voice acting.
swiftly becomes a where's waldo of 'how many different types of fucked up princesses can I make'
painfully het
swiftly becomes a where's waldo of 'how many different types of fucked up princesses can I make'
painfully het
2023
This review contains spoilers
the entire vibe of this game feels super predatory. it's Pinocchio, but with the graceless, on-the-nose mall goth writing of American McGee's Alice. wrap it up in Yharnam's discarded skin, and you have Lies of P.
surely round8 studios is aware that Bloodborne fanatics are thirsty for even the tiniest scrap of content, how they're willing to work themselves into a frenzy over the most baseless rumor of a remaster or a sequel, yes? if this sounds like you, be very aware: if you're looking for more soulslike combat, sure, there's some worth here, but you won't find an ounce of subtlety, artistry, or narrative sophistication inside. or, to be more brief: it's fucking lame
the game's final scene features a character droning listlessly into a telephone that "they've found their next key.... DOROTHY!" followed by a jump cut to a girl in red shoes walking off of a train and clicking her heels together. cut to black, credits.
a lot has been said about the phrase "i can't" as a memetic device meant to describe the only communication style left to frappucino-sucking white ladies but, like, when my eyes rolled out of my head after viewing the game's ending and that was the only language left to me, i think i sympathize. i can't. i couldn't. fuck this.
surely round8 studios is aware that Bloodborne fanatics are thirsty for even the tiniest scrap of content, how they're willing to work themselves into a frenzy over the most baseless rumor of a remaster or a sequel, yes? if this sounds like you, be very aware: if you're looking for more soulslike combat, sure, there's some worth here, but you won't find an ounce of subtlety, artistry, or narrative sophistication inside. or, to be more brief: it's fucking lame
the game's final scene features a character droning listlessly into a telephone that "they've found their next key.... DOROTHY!" followed by a jump cut to a girl in red shoes walking off of a train and clicking her heels together. cut to black, credits.
a lot has been said about the phrase "i can't" as a memetic device meant to describe the only communication style left to frappucino-sucking white ladies but, like, when my eyes rolled out of my head after viewing the game's ending and that was the only language left to me, i think i sympathize. i can't. i couldn't. fuck this.
2022
This review contains spoilers
you're telling me that this twink was raised by a fucking dog after his dad died? what the fuck is CPS Paldea even up to? where are our tax pokedollars even going?
anthony burch is rolling over in his grave
yes I know he's not dead
yet
yes I know he's not dead
yet
2023
always a pleasure to return to failbetter's fallen london, and after the Constance update, it's a pleasure to be able to assign it a decent score. some lovely writing lies herein, and the actual mystery at the root of the narrative is truly a joy to piece together. also, i'd plow archie until his knees splintered the floorboards.
2003
this entry in the series reads like psychological horror produced by greta gerwig. sh3 explored issues that continue to affect modern women today, such as:
1. coping with the death of a loved one by embracing your hobbies (cosplay)
2. what to do when you've allowed the family dog too much control over your daily life
3. how to eat god while still having enough time to enjoy your blond hair
1. coping with the death of a loved one by embracing your hobbies (cosplay)
2. what to do when you've allowed the family dog too much control over your daily life
3. how to eat god while still having enough time to enjoy your blond hair
2019
wow snk really hates making money huh
2020
i was worried that this would be divinity: original sin 3 more than it would be a true successor to baldur's gate II (not that more div:os2 would be a bad thing at all, really) but it does a suitably good job of living up to the originals' legacy while incorporating the polish and production value of some of the genre's more recent successful entries. 5e is a mixed bag, but the game pushes past (most) of the system's frustrating qualities. it's great. (i've also seen porn that is less horny than this game. some of the shit larian pulls in this is absolutely wild and I'm surprised they were able to get away without an AO rating. i deep throated a tentacle????)
anyway the camp f* slur vampire is funnier than every single bioware npc combined
anyway the camp f* slur vampire is funnier than every single bioware npc combined
astounding to see this amount of meaningfully impactful player choice in a game about playing with stickers