One of the earliest FPS in a full 3D environment, so of course it's groundbreaking! Being able to run over bridges, walk above and under each other, look up and down... even just JUMPING was considered pretty new and exciting thing to do in the genre to some players, especially for someone coming straight from Doom. Other games helped intergrate some of these things earlier than Quake, but Quake brought it all together and actually put it in a fully-3D environment rather than trying to emulate one.

The story is fun, and seems to be filled with the classic terror and suspense that FPS are so great for. The gun variety is fun to play around with, and the environments of all the chapters are pretty unique compared to eachother, playing with water, bridges, portals, and all that to help contrast one another. The thing that really makes Quake standout, in my opinion, is its 8-player online multiplayer option. The closest thing I can personally compare it to from before its release is Doom's deathmatch, but Quake's 3D environments and four additional battlemates makes it close to impossible to return to Doom. Of course, in the modern day, I could just go on Fortnite and play a shooter online against 99 random people (and I do!), but in comparison to what was available at the time, Quake was monumental. Here I am almost 30 years later still having a blast with my friend (Hi Roxy!!) trying to shoot each others faces off and grab the lightning gun before the other can attack with it first.

Check out Quake for a good boomer-shooter and a fun piece of gaming history. If you can gather seven friends, you'll have a hell of a good time.

4/5

A bit of a love child of EDF and Armored Core but honestly there's a certain flavor of it's presentation that reminds me a lot of Star Fox and like a specific era of Faux Anime DS and GBA games. Not just the mid mission banter but the art style and the character designs. I found it quite charming and cute though!

Overall it's got a very solid gameplay loop that isn't afraid to get very challenging. Some of the difficulty spikes are a bit extreme (there's one city defense mission in particular that is just absurdly difficult), but generally the game keeps things fair feeling. The gunplay is pretty solid with each weapon (for better or worse) feeling totally different from each other and encouraging you to experiment with your loadout between missions. There was never really a point here where I thought "I don't like this" or "this isn't fun anymore"

If there is maybe one thing that held it back, it's variety. There's maybe 3 mission types that just don't mix things up too much. EDF has all it's psycho enemy variety and variants that ramps up as you progress but this game didn't have such luxury. It does however only have like 20 missions and none of which over stay their welcome. There's very strong bones here for the dev to keep building on and in general we just need more action mech games.

Sloppy.

Sifu is one of few games on Backloggd that has fewer total plays that it does people who are planning on playing it. At the time of writing, I'm following 36 people; of those, two have played Sifu, and nine have it either wishlisted or on their backlog. Most of the games I've seen on here do not have numbers like that. Sifu is a very obvious outlier, though pinning down exactly why leaves me kind of stumped; it's been a game that I was looking forward to playing for a long time, but I can't remember where I first saw it or why I was excited to play it. I have to imagine that most Sifu stories are similar. It might just be the fact that it was locked to the Epic Games Store for about a year on PC, and the people who wanted it then put it aside until it could get released elsewhere and then never got around to playing it. Regardless, I come to you all now as someone who was like you, just days prior. I wishlisted Sifu, it sat on that wishlist for however long it's been on there, and I've finally broken free of the vortex to play it for myself. With these new eyes and this new perspective, I can tell you this: don't bother.

I got the feeling I was going to be in for some shit when, about five minutes into the first level, you walk into a hallway and are immediately treated to the Oldboy shot. Great. I love it when a bunch of French people cobble together all five of the movies they've ever seen where a fistfight happens in the hopes of making something that can come together in the edit. You ever seen The Raid? How about Kill Bill (not Lady Snowblood, since nobody actually watches movies made before the new millennium)? Have you ever wanted to play a facsimile of some of the fight scenes from those movies but with enemies who can shrug off every hit you throw at them? Haven't you wanted to see some mook slowly get chipped down over the course of a full minute before he powers up and then takes another full minute of chipping away at before finally going down? No? "Part of the appeal of those movies that are being referenced is that those fight scenes against swarms of people are brutal and fast", you say? Huh? No, what you liked about The Bride squaring off against O-Ren wasn't the fact that they only landed two strikes total between both of them; you just liked that it took place in the snow. The action itself doesn't have the fun bounce of something like Police Story or Fong Sai Yuk, nor does it have the grit of the new wave of Indonesian action films like The Night Comes for Us or Headshot. It's just this gray paste of not enough influences and not enough understanding, swirled together into something that feels somehow uninspired in spite of the obvious inspirations which act as the glue between scenes.

Much like Sekiro, the enjoyment of the moment-to-moment action is regularly brought down by blatant technical issues like the camera constantly clipping into the fucking walls and making it so you can't see what's happening. Unlike Sekiro, though — and unarguably worse for it — is the fact that Sifu doesn't have a lock-on. It's got that DmC: Devil May Cry soft lock-on stuff where you mostly gravitate towards the closest enemy, though this is never consistent. Sometimes an enemy will fly in from off-screen like they're hitting Bob Beamon's 29-foot Olympic long jump, and the game often isn't ready to change your target direction for you. Given that you as the player have zero control over who you're trying to look at in any given moment, this compounds an already-frustrating set of mechanical problems. I feel like I'm riding a bike with a rusted-out chain.

Hell, I didn't like Sekiro, but even I can admit that the dual health-and-stagger bars for enemies was an interesting concept. The less health an enemy had, the slower they recovered stagger, which made it almost inevitable that you'd break their guard so long as you could get enough good hits in. Whittling down their health bars made it easier to win a battle of attrition; they have their resources, and you're expected to grind down all of them to deliver the kill. Sifu does not do this. It has enemy health bars, it has enemy stagger bars, but neither one informs the other. The most optimal strategy for the last three (of five!) bosses seems to just be based around running away until they hit you with a singular, simple sequence that you parry over and over again. You'll only ever hit them to try and speed things up, but hitting the bosses contributes such a marginal amount of stagger while also requiring that you press more than one button. You'd be better off not swinging. Either you focus almost solely on parries, or you find the one attack that completely breaks their AI and lets you loop it on itself for an easy kill. It's remarkably simple to get one of several infinites on Yang's phase one where you punch him in his dick or heavy-punch-swap-positions with him over and over for sixty straight seconds. The new problem we run into is that this kills the boss, which is what will guarantee that you get the bad ending.

Enough has been written about Sifu's stupid "revenge is bad" plot contrasted with how the player has no issue slaughtering goons in the run-up to the boss that I won't dig into it further than to say that it doesn't work. It's clunky, and it doesn't work. What I do feel gets ignored, however, is the rest of the story leading up to the point where you find out that revenge is bad. This is one of those "the lore is the story!" games that people who don't care for the Dark Souls narratives accuse the Dark Souls narratives of being. There are all sorts of little incidental trinkets and slips of paper that you can collect and read at your hideout conspiracy board, and it all broadly boils down to "the antagonists killed your father to steal some elemental talismans that they were otherwise forbidden from using". How this is meant to excuse them slitting a child's throat and then the game itself painting you as a bad person for killing them is left as an exercise to the player; more accurately, it's left to the 100% completionists who are planning to make "ENDING EXPLAINED" videos in the first week of release. A lot of people have mentioned feeling like the "revenge is bad" twist comes out of nowhere, and that's because there's very little given to the player across all of the cutscenes. It's there, it's set up, but it's not executed well.

But what's unforgivable is the fact that I invested into a focus build only to find out that the final boss is inexplicably immune to all focus attacks. My entire strategy was invalidated by the fact that the developers made him fucking invincible against a core strategy that has, up to this point, never once been hinted at to be something that wouldn't work. I was either going to have to try beating Yang using a completely hobbled skill set with nothing that would actually help in fighting him, or I was going to have to restart the entire game to set up a better build that I could actually bring into the final boss. Your skills get locked in after every level, which would mean starting over from scratch and ignoring one of the core mechanics of the game because I now had the meta-knowledge that it just doesn't work at the end for some reason. Fuck off. Imagine if Devil May Cry 3 took away your devil trigger for the final Vergil fight, or if the Elden Beast was immune to magic. Some YouTuber or streamer must have dropped the line "focus is a crutch" at some point because it's the only thing that the fucking parrots discussing this on Reddit (type "focus" "crutch" site:www.reddit.com/r/sifugame into Google and count the number of pages that show up) can come up with when someone makes a thread asking why they took the mechanic away just in time for the game to end. I know they didn't all come up with the exact same quote independently of each other, so I'm making an open call to my minions to go track down whoever said it. I'm putting up bounties and shit. We will find them.

The game is gorgeous, and I won't pretend like that isn't worth celebrating. There are a lot of really lovely touches with this watercolor-esque shader and bold lighting shifts. It doesn't always work — one fight takes place in the rain with only a spotlight illuminating a center area, and so you'll spend most of it in the dark trying to figure out where you are — but it hits far more often than it misses in the visual department. It's clear that, if nothing else, the team behind this has a genuine passion for the art side of things. If Sifu was an animated short film, it'd only really need a better script to be something special. It's regrettable that Sloclap made a video game, instead.

A friend of mine said he was upset that they never made an Absolver 2. I'll share his pain. I'd also like an Absolver 2. It'd probably stop them from making another Sifu.

In the opening hours of Breath of the Wild, on the southeast edge of the Great Plateau, there's a ravine. Crossing it would give the player a direct path to one of their mandatory objectives.

Initially, this route seems impassable -- but, on the player's side of the ravine, there's a tree. The tree sits right near the edge, and it's just a touch taller than the ravine is wide. Nearby, an axe is lodged in a tree, just outside a building labelled "Woodcutter's House". The tree looks ready to topple in the direction opposite the axe at any moment.

Reading this, the solution to this problem seems obvious - take the axe, fell the tree at the edge of the ravine, and cross it. But to actually play this segment, and to piece the elements together for yourself, feels like a moment of intelligent problem-solving. It feels like you've cheated your way into a clever shortcut, even though this is a carefully-designed vignette, with a designer's hand nudging you towards an intended outcome.

Games-likers often seem obsessed with the idea of emergent or fringe solutions. Try typing "the designers never thought of this!" or "i can't believe the designers thought of this!" into your search engine of choice, and bask in the millions of identical-looking thumbnails.

Conversely, I feel like we often undervalue the experience of encountering a problem, feeling the hand (or the voice, or the mind, or the spirit) of a designer gently guiding the player towards a solution, and following them along for the journey. It's an experience that's a little more book/movie/song-esque than game-like, despite being fundamentally interactive, in that the player/reader/viewer/listener gives themselves up to the authorial voice of the artist for a moment. When we play games, there's always a conversation being held between the player and the designer, but in these moments, it is made tangible and laid bare.

Lorelei and the Laser Eyes is not a particularly hard puzzle game. It is not particularly weird, nor creative, nor thrilling, nor revelatory. However - every single one of its puzzles feels Designed. Solving the smaller puzzles feels like being in on a wry joke with the author; solving something larger feels like sharing in an intimately whispered secret.

This is a lot of words to say that none of the puzzles in Lorelei and the Laser Eyes are best-in-class, but all of them are Solid, Clean, and Designerly. Many of its best offerings can be solved on a pad of paper by someone who has no familiarity with the game at all. Pick this one up if you need a new and modern puzzle book to sit down with on a nice afternoon.

PART 1: ←↓↑→

Earlier this year an arcade opened near my apartment that had a Dance Dance Revolution machine on it, out of curiosity, one day I decided to try it out, I fucking sucked at it, but I had the time of my life learning how to play it. This would then trigger a chain reaction in my brain where a sudden obsession for Rhythm games would begin, weeks after, I bought a used Guitar Hero controller and I set up Clone Hero on my PC, hell, I even got into Osu! This fire for rhythm games was always there since I played Elite Beat Agents and Theatrhythm Curtain Call when I was younger, but it was waiting for something to be rekindled. Now that said spark did its thing, now I can't get enough of this genre, and I have to play more of them.

PART 2: Let's break it down
Going through 2023 was impossible without seeing anyone bring up Hi-Fi Rush, and with good reason, no one expected anything from this game because nobody knew it existed until it was dropped after the reveal. When have you heard of a game actually pulling off a stunt like that and being met with overwhelmingly good reception?

Simple, it's because this is a fun ass videogame, it's a fantastic blend of two genres that when you think about them separately, it's difficult to picture them working together as well as they do. Hi-Fi Rush knows its target audience well and plays its cards accordingly, do you want to play it as a traditional action/hack and slash game? You can do that, sure, BUT you would be heavily encouraged to follow the beat to score high rankings and get through encounters as quickly as possible. To be honest, who wouldn't want to chase a high rank while playing at the rhythm of the phenomenal soundtrack?

While the story isn't anything out of the ordinary, HFR follows a very colorful and unique cast of characters lead by Chai, a knuckleheaded and overly ambitious dude that wants to be a rockstar... without even knowing how to play the guitar, (god that's kind of relatable imagine getting into a hobby and not being immediately cracked at it) so he signs up for a program that will replace his broken arm for an enhancement prosthetic that will surely make his dream easier to achieve, however because of an accident, the core of the prosthetic ends up being replaced with his MP3 player, giving him a unique connection to music, and cleverly justifying the way the game is played, since he now perceives the entire world with the BPMs of his playlist. He then proceeds to join a form a group of misfits to take down a company conspiracy, thanks to his severe lack of braincells, his interactions with the group lead to a lot of back and forth banter, giving place to very funny moments, interactions, which work very well thanks to the fact that the game doesn't want to hide away from the fact that it wants to roast him, but at the same time, he's too dumb to realize that he's being roasted. It's like watching the reels of the Voros Twins but made into a videogame character. I would like to get into more detail about the rest of the cast, but I've said enough, I think part of the charm of the game also comes from getting to know them all as you progress through your adventure.

Just like with your usual Hack and Slash games, it is very encouraged to play it even after you've beaten it, so you can develop the muscle memory to pull off an even bigger variety of combos and mixups and to get even better at parries. Thanks to all the Post game content that opens up, I see myself coming back to this game later this year to step up my gameplay, and if I'm mentally insane enough, just like I was with Ultrakill, you'll catch me trying to go for S Ranks on every level.

Sadly, Tango Gameworks might be gone too soon after shining too bright, but I hope people look at Hi-Fi Rush with inspiration to create something as wonderful as it was. That their legacy inspires others to catch that lightning in a bottle they achieved.

PS. If you look like Peppermint my DMs on Discord are open

​

I wouldn't call Indika a surreal game. Stepping into this adventure, I got a sense of the game being a bit odd, but it's a lot more normal than initially perceived. You play the role of Indika, a nun who hears the devil in her head. One of the numerous 8-bit mini-games, where you collect coins, introduces the game to you. These 8-bit mini-games tell the story of Indika's childhood and who she was before she became a nun. You can complete mundane tasks in the game, such as filling a barrel with water by going back and forth from the well, but you can't run. The game's narrative and experience require this, which may annoy some players. In her convent, Indika faces bullying and lacks acceptance. Indika's hallucinations also contribute to this situation. I also want to stress that this is not a horror game. With its various locales and settings, the atmosphere is so well done, and the narrative is spot-on.

The majority of Indika's adventure involves her leaving the confines of her convent to deliver a letter to the main overseeing body. The story unfolds during the harsh industrial revolution in Russia. Indika encounters a young man who has escaped from prison, and they both attempt to reach the capital and enter this building, although their motivations differ. Along the way, you will discover puzzles, but mostly you are walking and listening to dialogue. This is mostly a walking simulator, after all, but a very well done one. The most challenging parts of the game are the 8-bit mini-games that require platforming and precision. 

The atmosphere in Indika is just so well done. The girl's mental state is enigmatic; we struggle to understand her thoughts; she appears solitary despite her lack of conversation, and she yearns for a companion. However, her religious beliefs and temptations, as per the voice of the devil within her mind, persistently pull her in. Many times, the young man disappears, and Indika accepts this, believing she will never see him again, only to later encounter him and experience conflicting emotions. She yearns for feelings, yet she is hesitant to commit to them in the long run. It's a fascinating dilemma that most adventure games tend to forget. If we are to engage in this amount of walking, we should either establish a deeper connection with these characters or observe their degree of isolation.

Puzzles range from moving objects with cranes or machines to climbing an elevator shaft in a specific way. There are collectibles spread out that give you more coins or points. These tend to be religious iconographies. The devil tears Indika's world in half in a few instances, prompting her to pray. This is part of the puzzle-solving process. Praying restores the world to its normal state, while not praying allows you to navigate through a divided world. Regrettably, we only get to explore this puzzle-solving system a few times, despite its intriguing nature. Despite no combat in this game, despite needing to run from a couple of creatures, but everything is always changing, and the game never gets boring. The oddball fisheye camera angle or sudden cut to another scene makes the game feel almost avant-garde. 

The visuals are fantastic, and Indika's habit physics are realistic. The melting snow on the ground looks incredibly convincing, and I almost felt every single setting that I walked into. There are moments of claustrophobia, pain, fear, and a severe cold. Odd Meter has done an excellent job of making you feel all of these things just by walking through most environments. Overall, Indika is one of the best walking simulators I have ever played, and it's a shame it only lasts for a few hours. For once, I wanted a game like this to go on longer, unlike borefests like Everyone's Gone to the Rapture or The Vanashing of Ethan Carter.

A Short Hike simultaneously is and isn’t exactly what it sounds like. It’s a comfy and cozy exploration game where you play as a teenage bird girl named Claire. Claire is staying with her Aunt May for the summer at Hawk Peak Provincial Park, where her Aunt works as a ranger. The park is located on an island that has to be accessed by a ferry. It’s your typical beautiful looking park which surrounds a tall mountain, the kind of thing that can be hard for kids acclimated to suburban life to appreciate.

Claire lounges around her Aunt’s house, waiting for a very important phone call. Her Aunt tells her that the Park doesn’t get cellphone reception, and that she’ll have to hike up the trail to Hawk’s Peak if she wants to get a signal. Claire’s never made the journey up to Hawk’s Peak before, but this phone call is extremely important to Claire, and so she decides to make the journey so that she’ll be able to pick up when she gets the call.

A Short Hike is a game you’re just meant to chill and vibe with. While your goal is to get to the top of Hawk’s Peak, there’s no real sense of urgency. You can take all the time you need to get there. Exploring the Park and the rest of the island is the game’s primary focus. You can talk to the various residents throughout the park, get to know them as well as life on the island, play some beachstickball with the kids, fish with an old guy, and collect things like shells and coins. The island is very well designed with plenty of stuff to do and lots of things to find. In some ways it kind of reminds me of a level from Super Mario 64 or Super Mario Sunshine, just without any form of hazards.

Claire controls in a similar fashion to 3D platforming games. She has the ability to climb certain walls, jump and flap her wings as a method of mid-air jumping, as well as glide through the air while following the wind to carry her farther distances. In order to make it to the top of Hawk’s Peak, Claire needs to find Golden Feathers which increase her stamina, allowing her to climb taller walls as well as flap her wings in mid-air additional times. This is the most important collectable to find, as you’ll need seven of them in order to make it to the summit. There’s an abundance of Golden Feathers on the island though, so acquiring seven isn’t too difficult or too linear of a process. Claire feels very comfortable to control, and the flapping and glide mechanics feel very satisfying. Much like its title implies, the game as a whole is pretty short. It can be beaten in a little over an hour unless you’re trying to 100% the game, and even then, most people only take about four hours to complete it. I didn’t do all of the optional content, but I did some of it and I enjoyed what I played.

For the most part, its presentation is great. The game has an atmosphere that’s like a cross between Animal Crossing and The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker, making for a vibe that’s all around the highest levels of cozy possible. Loved the adaptive soundtrack. I thought the default settings for the pixelation was wayyyy too high. The game genuinely looked like a poorly emulated DS game until I turned the settings for that down. Once I did, I thought the game looked great.

A Short Hike is a game that achieves what it sets out to do. It isn’t anything groundbreaking, it isn’t something you’re going to spend a lot of time with, but I think that unless you’re super jaded, it’s a game that you can at the very least vibe with and play with a smile on your face. For a lotta people, that’s more than enough. Claire’s satisfying controls, the open-ended approach towards beating the game, and the game’s impeccable aesthetic all make for a very worthwhile experience. It’s not the type of game I’m head over heels for, but at the same time, it’s a game that I really appreciate.

Finally, finally after so many years of wanting to play it and coming very close to purchasing a 300 dollar gamecube copy out of desperation I finally get to experience the game people have been swooning over since I can remember. I finally get to have so many questions answered. Is it one of the best games ever? Does it lord over the trilogy as the highest peak, is it better than my beloved Super Paper Mario?

As a new thing I wanted to try, I kept a little journal of my thoughts per chapter and had the idea to review each part episodically with a closing statement on my final thoughts on the game. This was a terrible idea as I write way too much, and feel too bad erasing huge chunks of my work. So without further ado: one of the longest reviews I've ever had to write and edit for everyone's darling Thousand Year Door.




☆Chapter 1☆
---------------------------

This first chapter is a really good depiction of what to expect from ttyd and starts off very strongly with multiple genre-breaking gags to subvert the very conventional story setup with Hooktail. The toad kid talking about various Nintendo games, the game show thwomp that replaces the position of a miniboss. A chest that gives you a powerup but still dresses it as a curse which is deifnitley the best running joke in the game. Hooktail herself being defeated in a few turns because your hammer is making frog sounds. Its undiluted Paper Mario essence at its finest. Petalburg is a really soft and charming place but Koops is probably the least utilized companion, I immediately switched back to Goombella after the chapter was over because I love her and comparatively Koops seems to get kind of sidelined both gameplay-wise and in terms of an active story role. In contrast to her precdessor Goombario, Goombella to me seems like the primary party member along with Vivian; shes sassy and smart and supportive and kind of steals the show in my eyes. After chapter 1 ends we get our first actual star power that isnt ol' reliable shit fuck Sweet Treat and then its on to:


☆Chapter 2☆
---------------------------

BOGGLY WOODS!! I've seen this area plently of times before in screenshots, but the way it looks completely floored me in the remake. The black and white trees contrasting beautifully with the oil spill colored vines on the floor, its all shiny and pretty like black lacquer. The music playing in the background sings ethereal and calm. A stand out area for me of the whole game, plus it has PUNIES!! Oh, I love them so much. Leading 101 of them through the Great Tree had me smiling so wide. They get trapped in little bubbles! They learn the power of union! Every interaction I had with the sage puni and the puni siblings reinforced them as my favorite non-recruitable characters.
Flurrie is the companion that joins in this chapter and I like her a lot. She has a very large and caring presence which fits in line with her past stage life. She also likes squishy, silly punies so we have a lot in common. Unfortunately I never did use her much outside of mandatory puzzles, but its okay because Koops got used way less.


☆Chapter 3☆
---------------------------

Glitzville! The Glitz Pit! I have a feeling this is a lot of people's favorite chapter and for obvious reasons. The unconventional story structure is very cool with there being no random fights at all, instead duking it out in a wrestling arena for a shot at championship. After each fight you get a break and here it hit me just how much dialogue there was in the game because all conversations in the area change completely after almost every match. Theres a lot of events in-between fights to give the player a break and I appreciated that because I get tired of fighting pretty fast. Unravelling the conspiracy of the Glitz Pit and sneaking around was so much fun. I love old fashioned wrestling so this chapter was very charming for me. After saving his egg from becoming a hot dog or something Yoshi Kid is born, Mario is his dad and Glitzville his country. I was really happy being introduced to this guy, I think its because the process of meeting him and his connection with Mario is very different than the rest of the party who get together by chance. I feel really attached to this guy and I feel bad riding him because he is so small, but I must because Mario is so fucking slow. Jolene is also really cool- the little tidbits of information about Prince Mush throughout the game made their reunion really sweet. This area is very, very good and stands out a lot for being so different than what one would expect.


☆Chapter 4☆
---------------------------

Twilight Town, like Boggly Woods, is also incredibly gorgeous and uses its color and textures well. The design on the big moon and the palette of the woods is so pretty, mesmerizing. Everyones turning into pigs. That's Mario's least favorite animal so he goes off into the forest to help stop it. I only knew this as the Vivian chapter and I was really excited to meet her, so the chapter end fakeout got me. I thought my game crashed and I was actually gonna reboot it before I hit A on accident- which is when shadow Mario gets up and the actual premise of this segment is revealed. Im so happy I didnt know about this part because nearly every other major occurance in ttyd has been spoiled for me throughout the years, it was nice being shocked for once. The way they constantly change and subvert their own formula is so incredibly clever to me, nothing else really holds a candle to the constant creativity these chapters show. Anyway- we meet Vivian who is looking for a bomb in the bushes. I wish we could have shown her more kindness than some basic decency, but she tags along to help Mario anyways. Doopliss wants his name back so you have to treck back (again) to Creepy Steeple. I hate Creepy Steeple. Getting there is hard, leaving is hard, I know theres a pipe but I didnt find it till later. Creepy Steeple is nothing but dark and annoying and I got stuck in a room for 20 minutes because there was like, no way for the player to see the hole in the wall going into the parrot room. I guess the implication was that light is supposed to be shining out from under the gap but how was I going to know- Mario was 10 yards away and stuck behind some bars. Obtain letter P, return to Doopliss and say hes Doopliss. Go back, again, to your favorite place Creepy Steeple and walk alll the way up back to his room AGAIN. Though I dont like this dungeon, this guy is my favorite antagonist- and how could he not be with such a fashionable hat. The Doopliss fight with all your companions working against you and Vivian's story beats are really cool, and then she officially joins the party! I had her by my side for most of the game- shes very powerful fully upgraded and has a lot of relation to the main events so it felt right to have her out.

☆Chapter 5☆
----------------------------
Chapter 5.... was..... uh........ Keelhaul Key... aw fuck I have to open the game and check.


Chapter 5 is the premiere of the unforgettable and culturally significant Keelhaul Key, which I remember clearly. I dont know how to properly describe this, but I noticed that ttyd has a very fluid way of managing its world. Everything seems to intersect and even random npc characters will remark on the latest happenings in Mario's adventure. Flavio looked very unique so I knew he would be a part in the story at some point, but I noticed here that the bob-omb at the counter had a progressing train of dialouge which converged with the mature toad lady character in Glitzville. Everything in this game is so alive and so smart, anyways... meeting with Bobbery had me getting misty eyed. Ttyd has no problem moving between really silly moments and touching story beats, which is something a lot of games that replicate Paper Mario struggle with. Keelhaul Key itself is a fun misadventure I suppose... I hated the backtracking though, god there is so much backtracking in this game, its insane. I fought so many fuzzies.... Pirate's Bay was not much better at all. I didnt really like this area, slow and dense. Cortez and the X-Naut showoff were the best things to come out of the chapter.


☆Chapter 6☆
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The Excess Express...much like Glitzville in chapter 3, this segment subverts the typical story structure except it removes virtually all battles. Instead, Mario and co. take on detective work aboard an ongoing train and then platform a little in Poshley Heights with no final boss to defeat. I love this chapter. The atmosphere is immaculate. Getting to know all the passengers over the course of 3 days and solving their troubles turned it into a different sort of game for a bit. It was a very smart decision to not have any random encounters for the majority of the chapter because the mood of the Excess Express is very impressionable. Walking through the train at dusk and seeing the remaining sun shining through the windows, with that song playing in the background... its one of those Nintendo moments that I'm sure imprinted itself heavily on the people who played this as kids. The detective side of the chapter is very fun, and I enjoy how much it encourages you to interact with the people on the train as it builds your relationship to them in a unique way that isnt purely focused on rescuing them. Arriving at Poshley Heights, the area isnt that huge or noteworthy because the focus is on the train- but the Sanctum that holds the crystal star was near mythical. I just assumed we would have to fight Beldam and her sister and her not-sister Doopliss, but after their departure instead it leads you on into a mirror image of the Sanctum. Entering, its all light blues and soft light with the saddest most evocative piece of compositional music playing in the background. It was a very unexpected moment, I think I audibly said 'woah'. I dont know if it was intentional how strangely moving the Inner Sanctum was, but climbing up the sides of the building with the pretty lights and taking in that song was so peaceful and nice. Such a fitting end for a mostly nonconfrontational chapter.


☆Chapter 7☆
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By this point, after completing every bulliten quest avaliable to me I had already figured out that backtracking was ttyd's best friend forever but I didnt think they would seriously make me go back and forth between Fahr Outpost and every other area I've been to so much. It would be comical if they hadnt made me to go Hooktail Castle 3 separate times, so I was feeling very bitter at this point when I had to walk around for no reason. Fahr Outpost itself is a military base which instills dread and isnt a lot to be remarked on, which is kind of a shame because Paper Mario's snow areas are very pretty. Getting shot to the moon also would have surprised me but I spoiled myself the day before looking on a wiki page for how to make ruin powder. The moon... is very slow. The encounters on the moon arent that fun but you're not expected to be there for long. The X-Naut building... also is not very fun. The keycard shenanigans were tedious and I resigned myself to looking at a guide to figure out where they were. Just a lot of little time wasters here... and a lot platforming. More on that and TEC later but I absolutely hate this game's jump when its used for platforming, its short and heavy and shitty and clearly wasnt made for precise-ish movements.
Fighting that robot was okay. Walking through the halls with the all the lights shut off after TEC's final message was what I'll remember most from the moon, though.


☆Chapter 8☆
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The Palace of Shadows is another area in the remake that I had to stop and take in because it really does look absolutely beautiful and grand. The trek through the palace is very long and kind of arduous with the many puzzles and no item shops. The star tower near the end of the chapter made use of riddles and was very fun to figure out, though once again Koops was left unused in a location that utilized nearly every other companion (sorry, man). The small miniboss fight with Beldam and her new family left me a little dissapointed because Vivian didnt really have a lot to say, and I was hoping punching her sister in the hat would have given her some closure. Moving on to the next room, the fight with Grodus is really exciting but you get a sense of how powerless and kind of incompetent Peach is here. In Paper Mario n64 she's trapped on a floating castle, so theres not much she can do. Here though, shes just sleeping and weak and isnt shown even trying to break the force field bubble shes in. Im assuming Grodus gave her a concussion or something but when she gets possessed by the Shadow Queen she's not even bound, just collapsed on the floor though after the fight Goombella says shes not even hurt so why're you nappin lady?? Im getting a bit ahead of myself though, because as Grodus threatens to end Peach as a means to get Mario to stop hitting him over the head with a hammer, BOWSER appears and crushes that guy with his mighty and toned koopa body. This fight was a fun reprieve from the harshness of the rest of the palace though its unlikely you would die even if you took a few hits fighting Grodus.

Going into the basement to fight the final boss, I noticed a huge issue. There was not a pipe leading back to Rougeport in sight. I didnt have any healing items at all, but I really didnt want to make the 40 minute dash to town and back so I opted to rely on Sweet Feast instead and went into battle. The Shadow Queen is a very threatening figure compared to what Mario games had seen up until that point. The cutscene where her hands are creeping up the sides of the various buildings above ground probably would of made me cry when I was younger. Her spirit design channels a sense of fear and otherworldliness that I really enjoy. She also mentions slaves? Which means that, at the very least, the concept of slavery exists in the Super Mario world officially. Phase one of her boss fight wasnt too rough for me, I got a soft stomp on her so I managed to widdle her down pretty fast. I was mostly worried, when she invoked her spirit form, that I was going to have to do some stupid shit like from that point on she could only be damaged by Supernova, but mercifully that was not the case. As Mario is left struggling and the crystal stars fly off, the upcoming cutscene had me absolutely bawling. Im always very touched when stories end with every friend you've ever met coming together to believe in you and rally you on. Its so sad and heartwarming every time.... even Peach gathers her last bit of strength to give to Mario though she didnt seem to have any passed out on the floor moments prior. I was feeling absolutely pumped- the danger of complete global annihilation felt so real and I was completely into it, no way I was going to let anything happen to these people!! I was in tears, Punio believes in me!! I CANT let him down!

I died!

She had like 30 health left and I fucking died. It became impossible to recover the amount of health I was losing with only Sweet Treat/Feast and I had no items at all. A lot of people say that this is baby's first rpg- and I know theres probably a badge combination that makes things easier, but what the hell. The Shadow Queen is one of the hardest bosses I think I've ever fought. And I was really, really pissed because that emotional buildup was something else and it just completely evaporates upon dying. It doesnt feel half as special or urgent when you've already seen it before... also "try again"? I thought it'd just restart that phase but it put me back to entering the room which is pointless.
I buckled down to spend the next hour of my life trying to remember how to leave the building for items but then, and only after I had reloaded the game, did a pipe appear that lead to Rougeport. Why it isnt just there from the get go is beyond me, but I just got more pissed cause if I had access to that earlier that really sweet emotional moment wouldnt of been trounced for me.
Despite having healing items this fight was still incredibly hard and I barely beat it with both companion and Mario at 10 hp. The final moments of ttyd are bittersweet as we have to say goodbye to Rougeport and Mario fails to deliver TEC's final message to Peach because they both seemingly forgot. Though I didnt want this one to end so soon, the credits roll. The book closes, and that was The Thousand Year Door! Before I close with my general thoughts, I have something written for the Peach & Bowser intermissions:


☆Extra☆
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Peach and TEC initially felt to me like a demo reel for Blumiere and Tippi, but as time went on I felt really endeared toward the computer. TEC never tries to win Peach over or actively seduce her, which would be uncomfortable since shes stuck in a room with them. TEC is curious about their newfound feelings and this leads them to a sort of solace as they resolve to get her off the space station. I really like the solemn acceptance TEC goes through, never wanting Peach to stay or enter a relationship with it, settling into peace with the feelings it has found. Peach, on the other hand, despite having a role and doing things somehow feels like she doesnt have a scrap of autonomy in anything that goes down. Her email information doesnt really help at all except for the final message she sends. Out of a very creative game, these segments are probably the most typical things we see.

The Bowser intermissions also kind of only exist to jusitify his appearance in the ending, he really didnt have to be here but it was pretty funny and I'd rather be watching him get up to shenanigans than spend 30 minutes failing to make a potion with Peach


And thats it! All my thoughts on The Thousand Year Door. So the question remains: is this one of the best games ever? Does it really beat my favorite entry in the series, Super Paper Mario?
For starters, I can really understand why so many people are so fond of this game. It is incredibly special in both its gameplay aspects and its continually evolving creativity, it is a game that was created out of pure love for everything Paper Mario is and you can clearly tell by how often they remember and cherish their previous installment and continue to evolve from it.
Theres a few things I really dont like about this game, though. For one, I was constantly lost. Someone of my age really shouldnt have problems getting around in a Mario game but if Goombella didnt tell me exactly what was up I never knew what to do or where to go. Instruction and direction felt incredibly vauge at times, depth perception and lighting were definitely contributing factors to the aimlessness I felt. Speaking of depth perception, this game likes to pretend that its a platformer quite a bit when its clearly not made for that at all. The jumping feels bad and it loses all momentum when you let go of the c-stick. The mechanical room and the x-naut fortress are two areas that just suck so much because of this when it really didnt need to be included. Also, I said this before but ttyd loves making you go back to really inconvenient places again and again, almost every bulletin quest is like this and after the 20th visit back to Hooktail, it gets very tiring.
With all that though, I still really enjoyed my first experience playing ttyd in this new and improved form. I wanted to keep seeing more, even if it was doing something tedious and repetitive. It made me laugh and smile and cry... but not as much as spm so I still love that one the most. Its a very special game with a very special place in a lot of people's hearts, and I'm very glad it got the remake it deserved.
And now... I rest, wistfully stroking my copy of spm, feeling in my chest the sad truth that it will never be gifted the same attention.