matthewrphelps
2024
This game fucking blows, dude. How the fuck did "Splatoon, but like, bubble baths, and with none of the heart or thought that went into its art style " get past the pitch stage. It fails so miserably to beat the AI game allegations, and I guarantee you that if NFTs hadn't died out by this point there would be some kind of marketplace built into the game.
There's like, 12 percent of a fun game here? The acting and dialogue is so dogshit that it I nearly turned it off during the tutorial because you can't skip dialogue. Cool character designs, but nothing behind those designs.
Foamstar these nuts.
There's like, 12 percent of a fun game here? The acting and dialogue is so dogshit that it I nearly turned it off during the tutorial because you can't skip dialogue. Cool character designs, but nothing behind those designs.
Foamstar these nuts.
Gonna walk into the most visible part of my home and rattle off a list of proper nouns
2024
well, ya see, jangling my keys in front of my face WAS pretty fun, but golly gee i just love spendin' thirty dollars on ARK ripoffs!
society as a whole would be stronger if we culled every "let people enjoy things" type mf. this reddit ass unity asset shop ass fuck ass goddamn rust ass anime ass fuckin ass BULLSHIT suck my cock to death bro
society as a whole would be stronger if we culled every "let people enjoy things" type mf. this reddit ass unity asset shop ass fuck ass goddamn rust ass anime ass fuckin ass BULLSHIT suck my cock to death bro
Fantastic microgame that just completely nails the tone it's going for. Doesn't overstay its welcome, never feels cumbersome or overbearing. Scratches the same investigative itch you might find in games like Obra Dinn and Outer Wilds.
If you aren't paranoid before playing this game, you will be after playing.
If you aren't paranoid before playing this game, you will be after playing.
2023
Shit like this game really just illustrates that sometimes all you need to make a hit is a good idea, time, and a huge lack of therapy.
Feels a lot like a campy low budget grindhouse movie, like Evil Dead but with SCPs. Look, I'm not saying it's as good as Evil Dead but does Evil Dead have weird possessing ghosts that also make your friend's heads explode?
wait, shit
Feels a lot like a campy low budget grindhouse movie, like Evil Dead but with SCPs. Look, I'm not saying it's as good as Evil Dead but does Evil Dead have weird possessing ghosts that also make your friend's heads explode?
wait, shit
2004
Half-Life 1 Story: Dude, aliens! Stay alive and like, kill this freakin' giant baby alien or something lol
Half-Life 2 Story: Comrade Freeman, you've been missing for 20 years but we need you to lead the resistance's efforts to overthrow the interdimensional space cops' fascist hold over Earth by going to their one stronghold in what is I guess the capital of the world now and just like, killing a bunch of dudes and blowing stuff up
also the aliens you murdered a whole bunch of 20 years ago are your friends now and they're kind of just chill now
Half-Life 2 Story: Comrade Freeman, you've been missing for 20 years but we need you to lead the resistance's efforts to overthrow the interdimensional space cops' fascist hold over Earth by going to their one stronghold in what is I guess the capital of the world now and just like, killing a bunch of dudes and blowing stuff up
also the aliens you murdered a whole bunch of 20 years ago are your friends now and they're kind of just chill now
1998
Huh? This? This is what you all go crazy about?
Okay look I'm setting myself up for like, the biggest "shot, chaser" slam dunk here, but in all seriousness, despite it's very very pronounced jankiness owing to its age, I have to say that this game IS a landmark achievement for its time.
Valve made it clear that their level design chops were not to be trifled with from the get go, and man does it show here. Now, is it fun? Mehhhh. It's kinda bullshit and I played like half the game on God Mode and with noclip on because it's from 1998 and the way they made games last for hours in 1998 is by making them unfair and bullshit.
this next part is sarcastic by the way
Didn't hate it, but if this is the foundation for Half-Life 2, I really don't know if it's all that you guys say it is...
Okay look I'm setting myself up for like, the biggest "shot, chaser" slam dunk here, but in all seriousness, despite it's very very pronounced jankiness owing to its age, I have to say that this game IS a landmark achievement for its time.
Valve made it clear that their level design chops were not to be trifled with from the get go, and man does it show here. Now, is it fun? Mehhhh. It's kinda bullshit and I played like half the game on God Mode and with noclip on because it's from 1998 and the way they made games last for hours in 1998 is by making them unfair and bullshit.
this next part is sarcastic by the way
Didn't hate it, but if this is the foundation for Half-Life 2, I really don't know if it's all that you guys say it is...
If I was a citizen of New York in this particular universe I would simply do my civic duty and assassinate Norman Osborn
Remedy understands what shooters need to be, and aren't afraid to confuse or irk you in service of the game's style, and I think that's what I admire most about them as a studio.
Of all of the gaming auteurs who circlejerk about Lynch and Fincher I think Sam Lake and his team are the only ones who actually come close to being an actual equivalent to those two in the gaming industry.
Preparing myself to review Alan Wake II by thrifting an old typewriter and hunt-and-pecking away at it for eternity, brb
Of all of the gaming auteurs who circlejerk about Lynch and Fincher I think Sam Lake and his team are the only ones who actually come close to being an actual equivalent to those two in the gaming industry.
Preparing myself to review Alan Wake II by thrifting an old typewriter and hunt-and-pecking away at it for eternity, brb
2021
Sam Lake is the guy that everybody thinks Hideo Kojima is and I'm tired of having to bite my tongue
2022
Violet shut the fuck up challenge
This review contains spoilers
This game is perhaps the most mechanically ambitious game ever created, and only a team as talented as the Zelda team could've pulled it off. The new abilities are farrrrrr more interesting and versatile than anything from BoTW. Hands down, probably the most fun I'll end up having with a game this year.
I'm tired of everyone acting like the stories in these games are anything more than an afterthought fairytale. Nothing here has enough depth or long lasting intrigue for me to really consider it an amazing story. I'm tired of beating this drum too, but Link is still so boring. Wipe that dumb look off your face and say something, you beautiful buff man. The dialogue is also bad. Yunobo, I love you, but I cannot stand your voice actor. Why do you keep saying Goro. Goro get some bitches. Also not a fan of SPOILER everything wrapping up all neatly at the end. Zelda's back, Ganon's gone, YOU DON'T EVEN GET TO KEEP YOUR COOL NEW ARM. I was so ready and excited to see a heroic sacrifice for the sake of saving the world and beating back what seems to ostensibly be the literal end of the world! He merked you at the beginning when you were at full power from BoTW! And then I kicked his ass like a week later! And now everything's fine! What the fuck!
Also, glad to see something of a return to form to classic Zelda in regards to the dungeons and bosses, they're still a bit disappointing in my opinion
Rather minor gripe aside, this game undoubtedly has the best world design of any game in the series. The freakin' DEPTHS, dude???? holy moly. The subtle changes in the map from BoTW give the world a nice kind of texture, like this is a world that exists and it persists despite only being in these two games.
Good game all around, can't wait to play the next one in like 12 years
I'm tired of everyone acting like the stories in these games are anything more than an afterthought fairytale. Nothing here has enough depth or long lasting intrigue for me to really consider it an amazing story. I'm tired of beating this drum too, but Link is still so boring. Wipe that dumb look off your face and say something, you beautiful buff man. The dialogue is also bad. Yunobo, I love you, but I cannot stand your voice actor. Why do you keep saying Goro. Goro get some bitches. Also not a fan of SPOILER everything wrapping up all neatly at the end. Zelda's back, Ganon's gone, YOU DON'T EVEN GET TO KEEP YOUR COOL NEW ARM. I was so ready and excited to see a heroic sacrifice for the sake of saving the world and beating back what seems to ostensibly be the literal end of the world! He merked you at the beginning when you were at full power from BoTW! And then I kicked his ass like a week later! And now everything's fine! What the fuck!
Also, glad to see something of a return to form to classic Zelda in regards to the dungeons and bosses, they're still a bit disappointing in my opinion
Rather minor gripe aside, this game undoubtedly has the best world design of any game in the series. The freakin' DEPTHS, dude???? holy moly. The subtle changes in the map from BoTW give the world a nice kind of texture, like this is a world that exists and it persists despite only being in these two games.
Good game all around, can't wait to play the next one in like 12 years
2023
Thank you Tango Gameworks for not inundating us with like 18 months worth of marketing prior to the release
Actual GOTY shit.
Actual GOTY shit.
2023
The only sensible thing to be taken away from this game is simply pointing and laughing at all the british people's silly little accents
2023
Amy Hennig blink twice if Gary Whitta is holding you hostage