I don't think I've ever seen a game TRY to make you hate it. Its full of BS, Psycho Rage, Panic, Stone, Random Elemental Skills no one has heard of, Invisible Bosses, Calm Sleep, bosses spamming Mudo skill 6 times in a row, etc. there are so many mechanics that are near impossible to maneuver and avoid it can make the game extremely frustrating in its difficulty. But behind that makes it a fun game both in difficulty sense and other aspects. While it can be frustrating, finding different strategies and changing movesets on the fly was something that I appreciated and something new to me (I think unless im forgetting another game I've played does that) and added a new degree to it. The story set up pretty nicely, would've liked a little more interaction between the group of 5/6 main cast but what was there was fine and sequel seems it could be something more. Serph was an alright silent protagonist, I think there's a lot more that could've been done with him cuz he does feel a bit bland or underwhelming

I love the platonic ideal of what megaten could be. This game is about as close as it gets to that ideal, at least for me. Note that that means it doesn't exactly exceed my expectations, but does what it does well with a few minor-to-noticeable flaws depending on who you ask.
One of my gripes with the previous entries I've played is how disconnected the protagonist's world feels from the story/stakes. This game does a great job at establishing the world and the positions you can take in trying to change it. The main story isn't incredibly dense, I don't think most cutscenes last over three minutes, but it doesn't have to be to convey to you all of the necessary information and let you draw your own conclusions about it. I found a lot of the decisions in the game to be very difficult ones to make, even with the ones I felt the most conviction about I could understand the opposing viewpoint. This works especially well because as the characters you travel with have their own reactions and develop their own convictions as the game continues; you may choose to side with them due to an emotional attachment, or force yourself to sever that attachment for what you think is right. The previous entries do this too, to an extent, but I didn't feel as much personal attachment to other alignment heroes even though they journey with you as well. Lots of characters will debate or rebuke your viewpoint in very legitimate ways as opposed to just saying "fuck you, die," which I think goes a long way in actually getting the player to think about the consequences of their actions. This is the fate of the world we're talking about here! I think this is also greatly bolstered by a lot of the NPC dialogue and side content. This game is full of NPCs, who each in their own way contribute to really fleshing out the setting. I have my own thoughts on the messaging of the game's story as a whole, but I think that would be for another review.
This is the first megaten I've played that incorporates the press turn system (I know I skipped Nocturne, I will play it eventually oTL), and I really love how it works. I have... mixed feelings about the smirk mechanic, as it takes away some of that reward you get for understanding the press turn system when the enemy can randomly smirk and obliterate you. That said, it also does a great job driving the player to use the press turn system to their advantage as much as possible. As far as I can tell, randomly getting your team wiped is kind of the essence of megaten, so it kind of continues the tradition of trial by fire? Speaking of, the early game is definitely the most difficult part, I think I might've gotten a game over in my first or second encounter. Frustrating as it may be, I think this early section of the game does a great job at making sure you understand the basics of its mechanics before turning you loose on the wider world, something especially important as it was probably a lot of people's (in the west at least) first exposure to megaten. And I think the game does trust you to be competent, after the first bit of tutorials there's really nothing else.
On the visuals, I wasn't sure about the combination of art styles for the demon portraits but it ended up not really bothering me, surprisingly. (Though some demons look better than others, but again that's a conversation for another time.) The game's visuals in general aren't all that outstanding but I actually think it is noticeably improved with the 3D on. This is actually one of the few 3DS games I could recommend playing with the 3D on the entire time, and I suggest doing so if you have the hardware. Also I loooove all of the little details they put into the 3D environments, I can actually recognize streets and buildings I've been to in real life (which yeah, maybe isn't a huge deal for the graphical standards of the time but adds to the believability of the setting, at least for me)! Sometimes when I got lost I would just pull out google maps to find what I was looking for and it would work. That said, there is a lot of walking around you have to do in this game, especially if you're doing those sidequests. On my first playthrough this didn't prove to be much of an issue to me because every area has tons of little nooks and crannies to explore, plenty of demons to recruit, etc, but second time around when I was just aiming to get to the alignment lock it really became noticeable. I really like how encounters are now visible, but when in a 3D space you need to attack a demon with the Estoma Sword skill active in order to prevent the encounter (as opposed to the overworld where they just vanish on contact). This can be tricky to do as demons often move erratically, which unfortunately means you can't really avoid all encounters in a backtracking session.
If you want a big, easily 70+ hour JRPG with a good story, great battle mechanics, memorable characters, and a fucking killer soundtrack, I would easily suggest this one. Not perfect, but a standout among its kind for sure. My main advice is to take your time with it!

though it might not be held in the same "well, obviously" monotonic unison as its colleagues across other mediums, i truly believe that, give it a decade, and metal gear solid 2 will be held as the monolithic peak of this medium. even if i cannot say that it's my sole favorite game, however close it may be, it is my immediate answer for the greatest game ever made. metal gear solid 2 not only manages to capture what makes video games a truly unique tool with which artists can convey emotion, atmosphere, content/form and delivery of ideals in the most abstract and interactive means outside of, potentially, very earnest performance art... it also serves as a truly post-modernist work, a truly of-the-times critique of the world, of the coming future, and of itself.

the thing about metal gear solid 2 which many players may take for granted now is that the experience extends far beyond the confines of the game itself. the marketing phenomena of mgs2, with the deliberately misleading information siphoned from trailers, promotional artwork, and interviews, offered a very different, very deliberately pleasing and gratifying experience for fans of the original metal gear solid than the final project would involve. solid snake encompassed all of the commercial footage, including areas in which he wouldn't appear or be playable in the final title. though i didn't play mgs2 upon its release in 2001, i can imagine the shock and confusion players must've felt from that slip-cover alone; a barren white cover in which gackt (oh my god lmao) holds an infant in his hands and the two lock eyes. really? THIS was the game to follow up metal gear solid? and of course, a sigh of relief might come when the tanker mission unfolds, and the familiarity of snake, otacon, ocelot, and the standard mgs fair enters the canvas. at last, this is what we'd been waiting for. of course, kojima pulls the covers out under that very quickly, and gaming's greatest left turn begins not long after.

one might be mistaken into believing mgs2 to be something of a cruel joke played on its audience. indeed, many attempts at post-modernism in videogames post-msg2 seem to miss the target of its satire. you look at many of these supposed post-modern opuses of the 2010s like undertale and spec-ops: the line, and the constant seems to be that the player must be punished or chastised in order to be made to feel some form of remorse or questioning of their actions. "do you feel like a hero yet?" indeed - especially damning and hypocritical criticism for games in which the player is subjected to this criticism for actions they cannot command choice over. i'd liken mgs1's approach to this tread path to michael haneke's 1997 film funny games - rather than chastise the viewer for participating with the medium, poke satirical fingers at the schadenfreude of the situation, highlight what the medium typically offers, and indulge in it and overexpose it with that in mind. YES, the moral quandry of snake enjoying killing or not is curious, especially in the rise of the first-person shooter golden era (as mgs1 of course was released around the likes of half-life, thief, quake ii et al) but it never guilts the PLAYER themselves for indulging in this medium. it isn't a half-hearted criticism of the audience partaking with the art. it's acknowledgement and glutton. and that's every bit more shocking and earnest.

compare this, then, to mgs2, which is about as opposite to player-critical as post-modernism in the medium comes. the controls are freer, easier and vastly improved over the original game. raiden's adventure is MOCKINGLY linear, with the varied landscapes and level variety of shadow moses now smoothed out into monotone, opaque, lifeless, sterile, fluorescent-lit halls that wouldn't feel out of place at one of my life's half-dozen 9 to 5 churn and burns. there is no life, there is only objective. there is no snow, there is no hill, there are no snowmobile getaways. only sterile, empty, vast nothingness. big shell itself has no heart, there is no beat to its rhythm. only a low, electric hum devoid of heart. an invisible set of eyes monitoring every move.

rose, the colonel, the whole crew outside of the mgs1 crew, emma and solidus, they're equally robotic and lifeless. all of their dialogue is stilted and phony. the sham is held together with scotch tape. the teenage fantasy of metal gear solid is lost, what little it had, and what is left is a sterilized y2k reality. your seldom moments with pliskin, otacon, and emma, they are the flicker of life that remains in the hulking machine. they are dave inside of hal-9000. the only pieces of humanity left in a world growing more autonomic and bleak. more than ever, snake and otacon shed their humanity to one another. no longer held to the machismo/nerd dynamic that defined their arcs in mgs1, there is a true acceptance and love, however you read it (it's gay as fuck though let's be honest) between them and a shared understanding of the others masculinity - on THEIR terms - that undermines the exact gamerbro audience that rejected this game for a decade after its release. these two would have every right and reason to become cold, sterile, and unwanting towards the world which has turned them away, but instead their agency is to pull the robot boy out of the system and teach him what it is to be human, to be ALIVE, and seek his own path.

the final hour of mgs2 is one of the most terrifying and harrowing experiences you will have in media. kojima et al shift into full swing as the absurdist (yet minimalist) humor which has defined their image warps into a vouyeristic exploitation, literally stripping the player nude and subjecting them to the harsh reality of the 21st century. everything is live and on air, everything is watched, everything is recorded. truth bends to subjectivity and context defines everything. what is the game and what is the commentary, and where that line crosses is irrelevant and it is in THIS sequence where mgs2 hits peak post-modernism in its medium. it is not criticizing its player, it is not criticizing within the confines of the game itself - whatever defines "the game" at this point is purely speculation as far as i'm concerned - it is a call to arms for unity, realization, acceptance of the hard pill to swallow, and a call to action against the status quo and against the system before and while it swallows us whole. what defines the simulation and what defines a breach into reality, dog tags or no, is your call.

mgs2 is a game about a lot of things. it's about games. it's about the internet. it's about america. it's about america from outside america. it's about art. it's about love. it's about masculinity. it's about trauma. it's about healing. it's about the future. it's about understanding our past. it's about acceptance. it's about prevention. it's also the game where snake can shred the fuck out of some grind-rails and eat shit when he skateboards into an airborne bomb. what the fuck else do you want? greatest video game ever made.

within a span of two months, from september to november of 2019, i lost an old friend and former lover to bone cancer at 23 years old, and my father revealed to me that he’d been diagnosed with stage 2 lung cancer. this would indicate a nearly three year journey to where i am now - a sequence of events which tested the limits of my perseverance, willpower, camaraderie, self-love, and actualization of community. my life underwent severe changes throughout this period; essentially revising my entire outlook on my relationships to patching up and mending my relationship with my dad which had resulted in some pretty catastrophic gaps gashed out pretty equally on both sides. some outside events completely reformed how i lived, the safety and love i had to provide myself for my own wellbeing, and fostering a lot of growth and evolution out of a patch where what i’d known and what i held onto were slipping through my fingers.

during this time, my father set an example of how he would choose to live. he combatted cancer and heartbreak with rudiment, structure, dedication and iron will. i watched him break on more than a few occasions. but it was through his search for that light where he found his own branch of buddhism, practice of meditation, and a new outlook on his life. he began to teach me the lessons he’d taken away - both of us being that type of person with loud, constantly-spewing minds. he instilled and internalized the idea that meditation and serenity are not about clearing the mind of thought, but finding a means to acknowledge the thought and move on from it. it was only along the lines of that practice that we both began to unbox our trauma - both conjoined and individual. it was only then when we could cultivate growth, hope, and those first rays of light.

i had no access to therapy or professional help at the time. i was between jobs when i wasn't crammed into ones that abused and berated me and my time. my greatest resources for self-love, as they are now, were my loved ones and my then-cracked-yet-unbroken devotion to art. traumatic attachments kept me apart from those things i loved most, but in the process of recovering from a sequence in time in which i felt like i’d lost myself, figured it took recessing back to those works which had so clearly defined attics of my life to that point to regain shards of who i’d been, and define who i would choose to be moving forward. over the next year, i would play final fantasy vii six times to completion, twice with friends, four times on my own. the hanging threads of grief, trauma, self-actualization v. dissociation, lack of direction - these things culminated in a story which more and more i felt whispered answers directly to me, for my consumption alone. it’s in those moments where a bond is made between art and audience where the attachment becomes not just inseparable, but near essential.

final fantasy vii doesn’t hand you answers for the questions you come to it with. there isn’t a resolution to the trauma, there isn’t a solution to the pain or the grief. it is an embrace, and a hold of the hand, and a gentle call; “here is how you live with yourself. here is how you learn to be alive again.” the sociopolitical conflicts, the internal struggles, the budding seeds of affection and fraternity don’t reach a natural apex - they hum in anticipation of a deciding factor which never comes. perpetually trapped within the question, but offering you the means to provide your own answer in life. the final shot of the game isn’t a conclusion meant to be expanded upon. it’s simply a closing of the cover, the final page turned before the index of note paper before being passed to you with the command - “apply yourself. turn this into something that matters.” so i chose to.

and i found myself in midgar again, with new friends and a new outlook.

you come back to the slums of wall market and sector 7 with a new worldview and appreciation each time. there’s a different purpose, when your relationship with this game is as intimate as mine, for coming back here. i know the smog, the street life, the feeling of inescapable, walled-in urban destitution well. you grow up in any city poor enough and you get to know midgar intimately. it’s a familiar setting with a familiar social agency. the seventh heaven crew, they’re all faces i’ve known, fires in bellies i once shared, and now understand in a different light. they’re old friends i knew in my activism years as a teenager, they’re people i looked up to and lost through the years. i’ve lost a lot of people and a lot of faith over time. it might seem like a quick moment to many but the sector 7 tower fight reminds me of people and things that exist only in memories now.

the moment the world opens up and the main theme plays, while unscripted, is one of the most powerful in the game to me. i retain that this title track might be my favorite piece of video game music and such a perfect encapsulation of the game’s philosophy and emotional core. stinging synth strings meet acoustic woodwind and orchestral drones. playful countermelodies give way to massive, bombastic chords in a rocking interplay that rarely fails to inspire, intrigue and invoke. uematsu-sensei, unquestionably at the apex of his mastery here, provides his most timeless score. i think about, am inspired by, and draw from his work here intensely. the artistry pours out from every nook of final fantasy vii - the models, the cutscenes, the background renders, the gameplay systems, the story, the use of diegetic sound, the pacing, the designs - everything came together in a way that somehow evokes equal feelings of nostalgia, futurism, dread, fear, warmth, love, hope, and utter timelessness. streaming and voice-acting this entire game with my close friends was one of the best experiences of my year. hitting each turn with a decently blind audience provided both knowing and loving perspective and the unmitigated rush of first experience - in tandem, a passing of the torch, an unspeakable gift of an unbroken chain shared between loved ones. if final fantasy vii saved my life once before, this was the run which restored its meaning and direction.

i’ve been cloud, i’ve been tifa, i’ve been barret, i’ve been nanaki. i’ve been zack, i’ve been aerith. there are lives lived in the confines of final fantasy vii which i hold as pieces of my own, countless repetitions of those stories with those resolutions my own to meet, different each time. there was something magic about the ability to, a year after that painful strike of all of that anguish, that death, that loss, that fear, sit on the end screen as the series’ endless “prelude” played amongst 32-bit starfields and openly sob for a half hour surrounded by the voices and words of my loved ones. that was the day i learned to live again. it’s more than a game when you know it this intimately. it’s more than an experience when you share these scars. it’s more than art when you hold onto so dearly. there isn’t a classifier for what final fantasy vii means to me other than, “a lot”. sometimes, less is more. i don’t have a conclusion beyond that for you. the experience recalls everyone and everything i've ever loved and lost, and all that i've come to gain and hold dear. goodbye to some, hello to all the rest. true, reading this, it may have been a waste of your time, but i’m glad i was able to share this with someone. i hope this reaches at least one of you on a level you needed today, or maybe it invokes something in you about something you love so dearly. i’m here to tell you - this is how i learned to live again. if you need someone to tell you, today, that you can too, here it is. you aren’t alone. go find those answers for yourself.

please don't step on the flowers on your way.