wife_cake
2023
immerse urself in perfect stasis courtesy of the insatiable breast milk fiends at blizzard. u will always be two levels below the evilest demon in your area. u will respec and upgrade and +5% Crit Chance your third eye wide open ... the ideal video game budget is gigantic enough to eliminate poverty in a major metropolitan area. the ideal video game is a lifestyle choice, like equinox or erewhon. the ideal video game is a subscription to more of itself ... forever ... ! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON! I LOVE HOLDING THE X BUTTON!
edit: its august 7 and im still playing. i keep hitting X girl... they got me — they got me — Its too late ...
edit: its august 7 and im still playing. i keep hitting X girl... they got me — they got me — Its too late ...
2020
kinda hit a wall with this in act 2. jumping from fight to fight is boring and not fun, i never care that much about combat in these games, so ... fuck my drag i guess. The tone is generally so tightly managed that the occasional glimpses behind the curtain (karlach says "body horror" ... Get that dr horribles bullshit OUTTA HERE!!!!!!) to remind u this a game by bisexual musical theater nerds are extra sobering. i HATE games where none of your companions have an actual sexuality and kinda exist for you to pump and dump. it feels like gross, immature wish fulfillment. tell the player "no" sometimes; consequences are good, and i dont just mean “questlines.” is this a brothel w puss for sale or a NARRATIVE ADVENTURE? only lae'zel REALLY compels but she is great
miserable autofiction. has a kind of dworkinite intensity in moments but wayyyyy too heavy on disclaimers and apologies. actually most successful in the little section about how 80% of prostitution is customer-service hell. feels like a relic from the early 2010s indie scene
2022
post-disco elysium UI design is already cementing into cliche w this & norco. this has the roughest on-the-ground writing of all 3 (feels like under-edited/sloppy short stories split apart w arbitrary dialogue options) BUT the mechanics are pleasantly gummy and the background noise (lore, worldbuilding, etc) is put together well.
2002
in the words of pantera ... fucking hostile!!!! an antifun tour de force, disrespects every second of the player's time, mocks u, kills u out of nowhere repeatedly and without mercy... AND teaches you that Love is all that can lighten the misery of Work :-)
2022
the narrative is elliptical in a way i wouldve loved to chew on like 10 years ago ... but i'm old now and insensate and respond only to sensory inputs like color and sound. luckily this game is full of weird crunchy noises and gross textures in addition to a cast of morose lesbians who look like fanart of themselves. If everyone is gay i think ... no one is gay. i have so much patience and LOVE for proudly tedious, unreconstructed survival horror mechanics!!! the loop here is finessed just enough; you'll come upon puzzle solutions naturally as u explore new rooms, but it's also exhausting to find the item you need with a full inventory and the nearest save room half the map away :))))) a masterclass in what i think the kids call "filtering" ...
also happy to see a game that doesn't bother with delicately alluding to other art (subtle intertextuality ... that thing videogames are famous for); it just plops it in front of you whole-cloth. the silent hill save screen and meat world slop are really obvious, all the classical pieces & cosmic horror texts, but the use of the böcklin painting "isle of the dead" is especially canny — he painted a handful of versions (plus a cheerier follow-up "isle of life"), there are several potential IRL inspirations, it was widely proliferated in his home country ... its so thematically relevant girl!!
also happy to see a game that doesn't bother with delicately alluding to other art (subtle intertextuality ... that thing videogames are famous for); it just plops it in front of you whole-cloth. the silent hill save screen and meat world slop are really obvious, all the classical pieces & cosmic horror texts, but the use of the böcklin painting "isle of the dead" is especially canny — he painted a handful of versions (plus a cheerier follow-up "isle of life"), there are several potential IRL inspirations, it was widely proliferated in his home country ... its so thematically relevant girl!!
love the way your guy's head is primed to explode the INSTANT u hit zero health. this really is dogshit — its like if someone whacked every one of the original dead space devs in the skull with a lead pipe and left them to remake the game.
2018
i am probably never gonna actually finish this because it makes kingdom hearts 1 feel like bayonetta. but the vibes are kinda enticing (i cry a lot too!!!) & theres a fluffy dog. one of those games where the specter of unlockable swimsuits haunts every moment
2000
extreme amount of aesthetics going on here. menacing vibes. so many weird cg people!! i watched english translated vids on utube xo
played this while devastatingly high on a 4 hr flight ... cute until u realize your adopted fairy daughter wants to fuck u. harrowing!!!!!!!!
2023
feels v good to play & gets better/gathers momentum as it progresses because u are not forced into an endless sewer/lab gauntlet, but the intrinsic goofiness (dare i say "camp" ...) of RE4 doesn't survive the move to REngine. bemoaning the state of resident evil is the most resident evil fan thing u can do (it's like being a knicks fan) and i even think the designers did an admirable job straddling silly & "serious" here but ... deep down ... i think its an unsolvable problem. its an intuition thing idk. u get it or u don't ...
the canon phantom liberty ending is such a good way to build on the V-johnny dynamic ... if they excised all the arasaka fluff from the main plot this would be just about as perfect as it can get. lots to say and i dont wanna say any of it for free on this platform ;—) i am however very excited to announce judy and i will be getting married and yes invitations ARE in the mail
2018
this is why i hate videogames lol. super meat boy x girl in red. ce-let's get you some bitches u squishy mfs
1998
xo
2022
readymade HD découpage vibes will filter many ... those who persevere will find thorough empathy, spurts of bad taste, evil priest who looks exactly like morrissey, pulp morality, mystical cats, what exactly it means to "care" for another person, and a million smoked cigs