wolf_gal2012
34 reviews liked by wolf_gal2012
This review contains spoilers
Moment-to-moment I was enjoying the process of 13 Sentinels - reveling in its aesthetics, peeling back the layers of its scenario, bouncing around between characters' stories and finding answers to questions raised in one character's story in another's. About halfway through, as the reveals piled up and lead to ever more mysteries, I started to get the sneaking suspicion that all of this wouldn't amount to much. By the last couple hours where the game decides that, by the way, this whole thing is a Matrix situation, I was just about ready to tap out.
There's something to the maximist way that 13 Sentinels works. There's a thrill in seeing Vanillaware throw every sci-fi trope into one big pot - mechs, obviously, but also time travel, parallel dimensions, aliens, space colonization, evil AI, and....nanomachines. There's even a late-game meta move that exposes the fact that the video game you're playing is a load-bearing part of the whole story (I called this one at the start of the game btw). At first it's thrilling to see them stack all the parts and see how they all interact with each other, but there's diminishing returns. When you keep revealing twists, each individual one becomes less impactful, and the main road is lost.
This problem extends to the characters too, and I was shocked that for a game with 13 protagonists (actually 15, though two of them aren't playable) there isn't any character development or even much in the way of relationships. Characters are well-worn anime tropes that serve more as delivery devices for twists than anything resembling human beings. This is a game with a long, troubled dev cycle, one of the casualties of which was apparently taking out scenes that show the characters hanging out with each other. You can feel the absence - there are precious few moments of characters connecting with each other in any way other than pairing up into (often random and sometimes dubious) romances, and it makes every storytelling move of the game's last few hours fall flat.
I haven't even talked about the game-y part of it which even this game's hardest stans admit is half-baked at best. It's unfortunate because you can see the mechanical bones of something that could've been really neat - Sentinels fall under 4 broad categories but each one within the category has unique skills, buoyed by pilots that have unique passives that give them bonuses when they're paired with other characters, or not close to any other characters, or on as small a team as possible. On top of all that there's a whole scoring system, and a push your luck thing where your pilots get knocked out from being used too often and you can reset them but lose a bonus for doing so. Cool ideas, but none of it ends up mattering because the game is too easy, and the tactical decisions aren't "felt". You can see why Vanillaware followed this up with Unicorn Overlord, a game that really focuses on tactical density, because they clearly have some skilled strategy game designers who didn't have a chance to make good on their concepts.
That's how I feel about 13 Sentinels in general - it's the product of a talented (if stretched to their limit) team, and I respect the craft, but it all feels like missed possibility.
There's something to the maximist way that 13 Sentinels works. There's a thrill in seeing Vanillaware throw every sci-fi trope into one big pot - mechs, obviously, but also time travel, parallel dimensions, aliens, space colonization, evil AI, and....nanomachines. There's even a late-game meta move that exposes the fact that the video game you're playing is a load-bearing part of the whole story (I called this one at the start of the game btw). At first it's thrilling to see them stack all the parts and see how they all interact with each other, but there's diminishing returns. When you keep revealing twists, each individual one becomes less impactful, and the main road is lost.
This problem extends to the characters too, and I was shocked that for a game with 13 protagonists (actually 15, though two of them aren't playable) there isn't any character development or even much in the way of relationships. Characters are well-worn anime tropes that serve more as delivery devices for twists than anything resembling human beings. This is a game with a long, troubled dev cycle, one of the casualties of which was apparently taking out scenes that show the characters hanging out with each other. You can feel the absence - there are precious few moments of characters connecting with each other in any way other than pairing up into (often random and sometimes dubious) romances, and it makes every storytelling move of the game's last few hours fall flat.
I haven't even talked about the game-y part of it which even this game's hardest stans admit is half-baked at best. It's unfortunate because you can see the mechanical bones of something that could've been really neat - Sentinels fall under 4 broad categories but each one within the category has unique skills, buoyed by pilots that have unique passives that give them bonuses when they're paired with other characters, or not close to any other characters, or on as small a team as possible. On top of all that there's a whole scoring system, and a push your luck thing where your pilots get knocked out from being used too often and you can reset them but lose a bonus for doing so. Cool ideas, but none of it ends up mattering because the game is too easy, and the tactical decisions aren't "felt". You can see why Vanillaware followed this up with Unicorn Overlord, a game that really focuses on tactical density, because they clearly have some skilled strategy game designers who didn't have a chance to make good on their concepts.
That's how I feel about 13 Sentinels in general - it's the product of a talented (if stretched to their limit) team, and I respect the craft, but it all feels like missed possibility.
Unironic peak fiction contender
Heartbound
2018
Waiting for the official release. Don't want to spoil the experience too much but from what I played it was... fine. Nothing too exciting. The story is captivating but the gameplay is lacking.
Deltatraveler
2021
I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to feel playing this game.
Deltatraveller advertises itself as a silly fangame centered around “What if Kris and Susie suddenly appeared in undertale?!” And, thinking that was a fun premise, I tried the game out. At some point through it, however, I began questioning what this game is trying to actually be.
Deltatraveller keeps attempting serious and honest story beats and character moments, and it REALLY clashes with the comedy aspect. It’s difficult to take the story seriously, and it’s difficult to just let yourself revel in the absurdity of the bits.
Fucking sucks giving this 2 stars. There’s obviously a lot of love that’s gone into this free fangame, but I just don’t really have that much fun with it.
Deltatraveller advertises itself as a silly fangame centered around “What if Kris and Susie suddenly appeared in undertale?!” And, thinking that was a fun premise, I tried the game out. At some point through it, however, I began questioning what this game is trying to actually be.
Deltatraveller keeps attempting serious and honest story beats and character moments, and it REALLY clashes with the comedy aspect. It’s difficult to take the story seriously, and it’s difficult to just let yourself revel in the absurdity of the bits.
Fucking sucks giving this 2 stars. There’s obviously a lot of love that’s gone into this free fangame, but I just don’t really have that much fun with it.
Superliminal
2019
I don't usually have that childlike wonder that I did playing games anymore. I think everyone loses that as they get older as well as nowadays it's blocked by the fact that under the hood I know everything in the game is within the bounds of what the developers have coded. This games atmosphere, story, and gameplay gets rid of all those boundaries. It convinces you anything is possible. The narrators continuously try to take control of your situation and you take it back every time by breaking the rules and making your own path. It lets you fully tap into that childlike imagination and it makes for an experience that everyone should have.
League of Legends
2009
Started playing in S5, good to play with friends but the community makes it painfully hard to enjoy when playing alone. The insane ammount of playable characters is probably the best thing about this game, takes a long time to learn but feels rewarding to improve.
Aram with friends is by far the funniest gamemode, especially when you're drunk at 3 am.
The big variety of temporary game modes are for the most part very fun to play and have less of a toxicity issue
I would recommend league if you're looking for a game to play with friends (especially aram) but I would definitely not recommend if you are looking for a game to play alone due to the community making it a pain in the ass to learn
Aram with friends is by far the funniest gamemode, especially when you're drunk at 3 am.
The big variety of temporary game modes are for the most part very fun to play and have less of a toxicity issue
I would recommend league if you're looking for a game to play with friends (especially aram) but I would definitely not recommend if you are looking for a game to play alone due to the community making it a pain in the ass to learn
Afterimage
2023
This game is really, really good, and I recognize that, but I also have a hard time playing it. It's beautiful and plays well and seems to have a very in-depth levelling and upgrade system. Unfortunately, the level design irritates me to no end.
I made it to the Resting Village (the first time you see non-hostile NPC's) and by then the amount of unexplored paths I had left behind in every level was infinite and I would never be able to remember all of them.
I already have a very hard time with Metroidvanias due to my own gaming OCD of wanting to explore every nook and cranny and being unable to until you get some upgrade, but most of them have like obvious places where you need a new ability to access some secret. In the really good ones - like Hollow Knight - you can mark your map so that you know that's an explored pathway you need to return to later.
This game, however, has those little inaccessable areas in almost every screen. Little pathways you need some kind of roll or crawl to get under, ledges that are just out of reach and probably need some kind of double jump. I literally got the dash ability and spent an hour teleporting back to the first checkpoint so that I could run through everything again and dash to ledges I hadn't explored, and that just revealed even MORE areas I needed other abilities to access. I know that this is 100% a "me" problem.
I'm shelving this because it is very good and I do want to maybe return to this again, but I don't know if I'll be able to overcome my own mind goblins to be able to actually complete this game.
I made it to the Resting Village (the first time you see non-hostile NPC's) and by then the amount of unexplored paths I had left behind in every level was infinite and I would never be able to remember all of them.
I already have a very hard time with Metroidvanias due to my own gaming OCD of wanting to explore every nook and cranny and being unable to until you get some upgrade, but most of them have like obvious places where you need a new ability to access some secret. In the really good ones - like Hollow Knight - you can mark your map so that you know that's an explored pathway you need to return to later.
This game, however, has those little inaccessable areas in almost every screen. Little pathways you need some kind of roll or crawl to get under, ledges that are just out of reach and probably need some kind of double jump. I literally got the dash ability and spent an hour teleporting back to the first checkpoint so that I could run through everything again and dash to ledges I hadn't explored, and that just revealed even MORE areas I needed other abilities to access. I know that this is 100% a "me" problem.
I'm shelving this because it is very good and I do want to maybe return to this again, but I don't know if I'll be able to overcome my own mind goblins to be able to actually complete this game.
Incredible game. Terrible publisher who rushed it out the door for $50
Why. Why I am doing this...OK...I can't hide from this...time to start...Alvin August...
It starts off with three crappy CGI Chipmunks, Alvin played by Justin Long, Simon played by Matthew Gray Gubler, and Theodore played by Jesse McCartney, singing "You Had a Bad Day" until their tree gets chopped down and sent to L.A. after JETT Records ordered it as a Christmas tree. Because, I guess this is a Christmas movie. Now, the CG for the Chipmunks is pretty good, but the redesigns suck and they're way too small. Struggling songwriter and composer David Seville, Jason Lee, engages in a pretty bad exposition scene with his girlfriend, Claire Wilson, Cameron Richardson. His demo is rejected by executive Ian Hawke, his college roommate played by David Cross. David Cross gives out an amazing performance.
So Dave gets vengeance by stealing their muffies! OH, THE KARMA! OH, THE KARM - wait, this is the stupidest revenge I have ever seen in a big budget movie. He wastes the muffins by throwing them in the trash, and he throws out all of his music equipment. The Chipmunks, who snuck into the muffin basket, raid Dave's food cabinet full of product placements and Dave discovers them after Alvin farts in his face. Speaking of which, this entire damn movie is FILLED with immature potty humor. Dave, who is a jerk throughout this entire film, throws them out into the rain. However, once they sing, Dave gains interest in them even though they just FUCKING SANG TO HIM.
Dave then makes a deal with the Chipmunks to sing songs he writes in exchange for shelter. Dave tries to present the Chipmunks to Ian, but they get stage fright. Alvin doesn't have stage fright. After Dave gets fired at his job because the Chipmunks drew Theodore's butt on his charts, Dave gets home to the trashed house. Simon eats Theodore's shit. Yes, I wrote that right...also, they show Alvin eating the crap in the trailer. The Munks ruin Dave's date with Claire, and so, they go to Ian's mansion and get him to sign a deal.
The Chipmunks quickly become internationally successful. When Douchebag Dave, concerned for their well-being, insists that the Chipmunks are too young to handle fame, Ian convinces them that Dave is holding them back. After Dave becomes more of a jackass, the Chipmunks choose to live with Ian, whose only interest is profiting off the Chipmunks’ success. Once the Chipmunks arrive at Ian's mansion, he spoils them with candy and toys, and they set off on a nationwide coast-to-coast tour, in which Ian decides to exploit them by overwork their asses.
With Claire's help, Dave is allowed into the concert; the Chipmunks see Dave and decide to sabotage the show. Ian locks the Chipmunks in a cage and prepares to take them on their European world tour, escaping in his limousine with Dave in pursuit, but the Chipmunks have already escaped into Dave's car, replacing themselves with stuffed animal decoys. They make it back home, Alvin causes the lights to go off, and Dave screams "AAAAAALVIIIIIN!!!" Each and everytime he says it, it sounds pretty sucky.
So yeah, this movie sucks. The plot is stupid, the redesigns are weird, the acting is bland, the voices are just sped up, and of course, POOP JOKES AND POTTY HUMOR. Next, I'll review the Squeakuel - God, help me.
It starts off with three crappy CGI Chipmunks, Alvin played by Justin Long, Simon played by Matthew Gray Gubler, and Theodore played by Jesse McCartney, singing "You Had a Bad Day" until their tree gets chopped down and sent to L.A. after JETT Records ordered it as a Christmas tree. Because, I guess this is a Christmas movie. Now, the CG for the Chipmunks is pretty good, but the redesigns suck and they're way too small. Struggling songwriter and composer David Seville, Jason Lee, engages in a pretty bad exposition scene with his girlfriend, Claire Wilson, Cameron Richardson. His demo is rejected by executive Ian Hawke, his college roommate played by David Cross. David Cross gives out an amazing performance.
So Dave gets vengeance by stealing their muffies! OH, THE KARMA! OH, THE KARM - wait, this is the stupidest revenge I have ever seen in a big budget movie. He wastes the muffins by throwing them in the trash, and he throws out all of his music equipment. The Chipmunks, who snuck into the muffin basket, raid Dave's food cabinet full of product placements and Dave discovers them after Alvin farts in his face. Speaking of which, this entire damn movie is FILLED with immature potty humor. Dave, who is a jerk throughout this entire film, throws them out into the rain. However, once they sing, Dave gains interest in them even though they just FUCKING SANG TO HIM.
Dave then makes a deal with the Chipmunks to sing songs he writes in exchange for shelter. Dave tries to present the Chipmunks to Ian, but they get stage fright. Alvin doesn't have stage fright. After Dave gets fired at his job because the Chipmunks drew Theodore's butt on his charts, Dave gets home to the trashed house. Simon eats Theodore's shit. Yes, I wrote that right...also, they show Alvin eating the crap in the trailer. The Munks ruin Dave's date with Claire, and so, they go to Ian's mansion and get him to sign a deal.
The Chipmunks quickly become internationally successful. When Douchebag Dave, concerned for their well-being, insists that the Chipmunks are too young to handle fame, Ian convinces them that Dave is holding them back. After Dave becomes more of a jackass, the Chipmunks choose to live with Ian, whose only interest is profiting off the Chipmunks’ success. Once the Chipmunks arrive at Ian's mansion, he spoils them with candy and toys, and they set off on a nationwide coast-to-coast tour, in which Ian decides to exploit them by overwork their asses.
With Claire's help, Dave is allowed into the concert; the Chipmunks see Dave and decide to sabotage the show. Ian locks the Chipmunks in a cage and prepares to take them on their European world tour, escaping in his limousine with Dave in pursuit, but the Chipmunks have already escaped into Dave's car, replacing themselves with stuffed animal decoys. They make it back home, Alvin causes the lights to go off, and Dave screams "AAAAAALVIIIIIN!!!" Each and everytime he says it, it sounds pretty sucky.
So yeah, this movie sucks. The plot is stupid, the redesigns are weird, the acting is bland, the voices are just sped up, and of course, POOP JOKES AND POTTY HUMOR. Next, I'll review the Squeakuel - God, help me.
I really liked Mommy Long Legs especially her voice actress it really captures the feeling of what a mother with long legs would sound like
