Asylumrunner
2019
So, hearing that this game was on the chopping block, and seeing that it's free with Game Pass, I decided to gaze upon 2019's biggest train wreck for myself, see the carnage.
The thing is, though, parts of this game aren't bad. Parts of this game are honestly really good. Many people have cited the flying as being excellent, but honestly I enjoyed most of the combat. Sticking with a Storm for most of my campaign playthrough, the powers were an absolute treat to use, and my brief foray into Colossus was also quite fun, with that thing feeling weighty and like a tank. The character writing, too, is actually pretty solid. There's a decent cast of characters here that I quite enjoyed talking to, and there are some fun twists with their character arcs along the way that I was really excited to watch unfold.
Aaaaaand the bad parts. Two years on, these servers are still unforgivably unstable. I was dropped from missions, almost always almost-done ones, a dozen times in about as many hours. The load times (or, I suspect more accurately, the server connection times) are abhorrent, massive stumbling blocks that absolutely ruin the flow of play. The loot is all incredibly samey, and I was never excited to find a drop. Literally every mission of the game is the same, just fly to a spot, shoot stuff, maybe do a thing, repeat. And boy, god, the bullet-spongey bosses are negative fun to fight.
But, ugh, dammit, parts of this game feel so solid. There's a good idea buried in here, but a lot of the rot that would need to be yanked out to find it probably entails ripping up a lot of fragile and complex backend server code that couldn't be fixed easily. I think I'm actually pretty bummed that Anthem Next is officially dead: there's a version of Anthem that could have been absolutely phenomenal, and parts of it poke up through the surface regularly enough in the Anthem that does exist to make its faults infuriating.
The thing is, though, parts of this game aren't bad. Parts of this game are honestly really good. Many people have cited the flying as being excellent, but honestly I enjoyed most of the combat. Sticking with a Storm for most of my campaign playthrough, the powers were an absolute treat to use, and my brief foray into Colossus was also quite fun, with that thing feeling weighty and like a tank. The character writing, too, is actually pretty solid. There's a decent cast of characters here that I quite enjoyed talking to, and there are some fun twists with their character arcs along the way that I was really excited to watch unfold.
Aaaaaand the bad parts. Two years on, these servers are still unforgivably unstable. I was dropped from missions, almost always almost-done ones, a dozen times in about as many hours. The load times (or, I suspect more accurately, the server connection times) are abhorrent, massive stumbling blocks that absolutely ruin the flow of play. The loot is all incredibly samey, and I was never excited to find a drop. Literally every mission of the game is the same, just fly to a spot, shoot stuff, maybe do a thing, repeat. And boy, god, the bullet-spongey bosses are negative fun to fight.
But, ugh, dammit, parts of this game feel so solid. There's a good idea buried in here, but a lot of the rot that would need to be yanked out to find it probably entails ripping up a lot of fragile and complex backend server code that couldn't be fixed easily. I think I'm actually pretty bummed that Anthem Next is officially dead: there's a version of Anthem that could have been absolutely phenomenal, and parts of it poke up through the surface regularly enough in the Anthem that does exist to make its faults infuriating.
2000
Man, I was sort of expecting this thing to not hold up, having been overshadowed by the legacy of Immersive Sims that fell after it, and admittedly the Liberty Island intro is rough (put points into melee attacks, the knock-out point is at the base of the spine), but this game is a classic in all the best ways.
The level design just feels really really good. Although the levels feel a little barren by modern standards, making the available options and routes stick out by merit of... existing, and not being plain grey walls, the game still does a good job of having clever workarounds and secrets available to players who are attentive. Even back in '99, this game is still creating interesting puzzle boxes to play with that put some modern immersive sims to shame.
The story here, eh, it's fine. The cast of characters and the global conspiracy here feel a little flat, far surpassed by the reboot games in every regard. Special, uh, anti-credit goes to the Chinese accents which, wow, what the fuck is going on there, guys.
Has that beautiful immersive sim power curve, where at the start of the game you're skulking through every vent and tunnel scrounging for parts, and at the end you're kickflipping into combat with a goddamn laser sword just murdering mechs and supersoldiers left and right.
Ultimately, this game totally holds up 20 years later. Absolutely phenomenal.
2016
this is an absolutely fantastic erotic LGBTQ+ visual novel about consent, about vulnerability, and about, well, bondage. The writing is absolutely excellent, managing to clearly surpass thin-excuse-for-pornography that other VNs of its ilk reach, and instead creating an interesting mystery, some very strong and well-developed characters, and sex scenes that actually have a narrative purpose on top of just being hot.
I should play more visual novels!
I should play more visual novels!
2021
With my return to the World of Assassination, I took it upon myself to replay the entire trilogy, ICA Training Facility to the Carpathian Mountains, tip to tail. This was my first time going through 3, obviously, but also my first time going through New York and Haven Island. This review will be discussing Hitman 3 as it exists with all previous Hitman content inside of it.
Hitman 3 is one of the greatest video games ever made, bar none. It is, frankly, a sublime package in all regards. A mechanics-heavy sandbox design philosophy created in 1, evolved in 2, and finally perfected in 3 carries this entire series, making this entire game feel to me like a sort of beautiful piece of masterwork clockwork, one which I want to just stare at and fiddle with and see how all of the pieces move.
The new batch of maps in 3 are probably my favorite of the series. It sort of feels like 1 set the groundwork for this sort of game structure and created some solid maps to demonstrate its ideas. 2 expanded those ideas both in scope and complexity (which was good) and by starting to toy with some non-assassination objectives to spice things up, which were a mixed success. 3 perfects this new variety, crafting missions that feel very distinct from each other and all of the other missions in the game, while still offering that freedom and mechanical complexity all the way through (unlike, say, the Sapienza lab, which feels extremely railroady).
Altogether fantastic. I understand why IOI might want to stretch their legs and make new games after this, and I'll support them every step of the way, but I could play another 7 of these games.
2019
It honestly fucks me up how good Ape Out is.
I love jazz. Like a lot. When I moved recently, vicinity to jazz clubs was, like, one of my top three metrics for choosing where to live. Of course, the Current Unpleasantness fucked that up for me, so something about hearing some dynamic, live(ish), excited, goddamn JAZZ filled me with so much joy.
And the gameplay here is delightful, so simple as to be easily understood, but with a tactility and forcefulness to it that makes it constantly delightful. It never didn't bring a smile to my face to hurl a guy straight into a wall or out of a window.
Ape Out rules. Everyone should play Ape Out.
I love jazz. Like a lot. When I moved recently, vicinity to jazz clubs was, like, one of my top three metrics for choosing where to live. Of course, the Current Unpleasantness fucked that up for me, so something about hearing some dynamic, live(ish), excited, goddamn JAZZ filled me with so much joy.
And the gameplay here is delightful, so simple as to be easily understood, but with a tactility and forcefulness to it that makes it constantly delightful. It never didn't bring a smile to my face to hurl a guy straight into a wall or out of a window.
Ape Out rules. Everyone should play Ape Out.
2018
The calculating, cold part of my brain loves Florence for what a masterpiece of interaction design it is. The way Florence conveys narrative almost exclusively through interaction is amazing, the subtle way that mechanics are played with and change to mark changes in the story borders on genius. Any game should look to Florence as a master class in how controls are a key vector for meaning in an interactive medium.
But boy, my bleeding heart just loves this game even more. The story it tells is cute, heart-wrenching, joyous, sorrowful, just amazing. Florence almost made me cry. I love this game, no doubt. I'm very happy I played this.
But boy, my bleeding heart just loves this game even more. The story it tells is cute, heart-wrenching, joyous, sorrowful, just amazing. Florence almost made me cry. I love this game, no doubt. I'm very happy I played this.
2020
Necrobarista is probably my game of the year.
This is a visual novel in the purest sense of the word: there's very little in the way of interactivity, you're essentially just along for the ride of this story, and as someone who normally looks for interesting mechanics first when looking at a game, that might have been a dealbreaker here, but the writing in Necrobarista is so absolutely sublime that I just can't complain at all. The character work here is phenomenal, I love every character in this story (especially Ned), and I was absolutely in tears by the end. A flawless game, everyone should play it.
This is a visual novel in the purest sense of the word: there's very little in the way of interactivity, you're essentially just along for the ride of this story, and as someone who normally looks for interesting mechanics first when looking at a game, that might have been a dealbreaker here, but the writing in Necrobarista is so absolutely sublime that I just can't complain at all. The character work here is phenomenal, I love every character in this story (especially Ned), and I was absolutely in tears by the end. A flawless game, everyone should play it.
1994
EarthBound is as good as all of the indie RPG designers will tell you, and then some. I think this is going to manage to be one of my favorite games of all time. Honestly, this thing is a work of goddamn art.
The story is charming, and perfectly captures that youthful sense of adventure, still harrowing during its darkest moments, but with a permeating feeling of happiness and silliness through it all. The writing is spectacular even at its most absurd, there are some fantastic mechanical touches that set it apart from other JRPGs of the era, and there are some remarkably modern-feeling touches to a game coming up on its thirty year anniversary.
If I had any complaints, they're a pair of small ones: many overworld enemy sprites don't have well-defined "backs" which makes it hard to land sneak attacks, and the inventory management is a bit clunky. That's pretty much it.
Seriously, EarthBound is amazing, and it's as amazing in 2020 as it was in 1994. This game makes me want to be a kid again.
The story is charming, and perfectly captures that youthful sense of adventure, still harrowing during its darkest moments, but with a permeating feeling of happiness and silliness through it all. The writing is spectacular even at its most absurd, there are some fantastic mechanical touches that set it apart from other JRPGs of the era, and there are some remarkably modern-feeling touches to a game coming up on its thirty year anniversary.
If I had any complaints, they're a pair of small ones: many overworld enemy sprites don't have well-defined "backs" which makes it hard to land sneak attacks, and the inventory management is a bit clunky. That's pretty much it.
Seriously, EarthBound is amazing, and it's as amazing in 2020 as it was in 1994. This game makes me want to be a kid again.
I enjoyed this on the merits of being more Dishonored, but it's definitely the weakest link in the series, for exacerbating some old problems and creating some new ones.
Existent in 2 but far worse in DotO is how much the game wants to spoon-feed you all of the various paths you can take to completing your objective. Every alternate route and alternate assassination method is announced as unavoidably as possible, and sometimes the "special" routes are made so painfully easy they're easier than just up and stabbing the guy.
The level and mission design here are also weak showings for the series. There's a lack of good character buildup on the antagonists, something that 1 & 2 do really well, and the levels just aren't very interesting or fun to explore. Good Dishonored 1 and 2 maps feel like puzzle boxes to pick away at until the whole space becomes clear (sometimes literally), here it's just, like, some streets. The last level especially feels quite bad all around.
Lastly, the story and themes of this game almost come together but just don't. Character motivations are all over the place and generally kind of gibberish, and there's this thematic arc of redemption that half-assedly gets explored through the game before being hurredly thrown in as a fulcrum of the conclusion which, eh. I see what you're going for, but it didn't land.
All in all, as a Dishonored game it's still pretty good, but Dishonored 1 and 2 are some of my favorite games, and Death of the Outsider falls short of those highs pretty noticeably.
Existent in 2 but far worse in DotO is how much the game wants to spoon-feed you all of the various paths you can take to completing your objective. Every alternate route and alternate assassination method is announced as unavoidably as possible, and sometimes the "special" routes are made so painfully easy they're easier than just up and stabbing the guy.
The level and mission design here are also weak showings for the series. There's a lack of good character buildup on the antagonists, something that 1 & 2 do really well, and the levels just aren't very interesting or fun to explore. Good Dishonored 1 and 2 maps feel like puzzle boxes to pick away at until the whole space becomes clear (sometimes literally), here it's just, like, some streets. The last level especially feels quite bad all around.
Lastly, the story and themes of this game almost come together but just don't. Character motivations are all over the place and generally kind of gibberish, and there's this thematic arc of redemption that half-assedly gets explored through the game before being hurredly thrown in as a fulcrum of the conclusion which, eh. I see what you're going for, but it didn't land.
All in all, as a Dishonored game it's still pretty good, but Dishonored 1 and 2 are some of my favorite games, and Death of the Outsider falls short of those highs pretty noticeably.
2019
I thought it was neat! Fun music, a fantastic art style, and a generally delightful little interactive music video with some affecting mood and tone.
I wish the main game was its Album Arcade mode, in which one track seamlessly flows into the next, because the pattern of beating a level, pausing (to silence, notably), getting a score, and getting booted back to a menu to pick the next level/song is a real flowbreaker. Also, for all but the boss battle songs, which are all gorgeous, each track in the game feels like it ends like two minutes too soon, an abruptness that also serves to kind of derail the game's pacing.
Some of the actual endless runner portions felt a little BS to me but I might just be bad at video games. This was still really cool, and knowing a full run is only about an hour I'll definitely be replaying this again and again.
I wish the main game was its Album Arcade mode, in which one track seamlessly flows into the next, because the pattern of beating a level, pausing (to silence, notably), getting a score, and getting booted back to a menu to pick the next level/song is a real flowbreaker. Also, for all but the boss battle songs, which are all gorgeous, each track in the game feels like it ends like two minutes too soon, an abruptness that also serves to kind of derail the game's pacing.
Some of the actual endless runner portions felt a little BS to me but I might just be bad at video games. This was still really cool, and knowing a full run is only about an hour I'll definitely be replaying this again and again.
2017
Not much to say other than the fact that this game is extremely clever, with puzzle mechanics unlike anything I've seen before. Absolutely gorgeous too, ultimately the kind of brain-bender that left me satisfied the whole way through.
2017
Absolutely excellent game feel and sense of humor, feels appropriately frantic, punchy, and violent. Everything about this game, in the classic Devolver house style, feels fast and punchy. The kills feel good, the kicks feel good, everything feels good. There's a character named "Professor Meth".
My main complaint is the three boss fights, which feel extremely inappropriate for this kind of game and somehow make the movement speed feel extremely sluggish. The handling is great for corridor shooting, not for obstacle dodging.
My main complaint is the three boss fights, which feel extremely inappropriate for this kind of game and somehow make the movement speed feel extremely sluggish. The handling is great for corridor shooting, not for obstacle dodging.
First game cleared on a next-gen console! Downloaded this onto my Series S after waxing nostalgic for pre-reboot Assassin's Creed games. And you know what? My nostalgia was wrong!
I am happy I played this game, because it helped me perfectly encapsulate everything I hate about AAA video games from the last ten years. An open world littered with meaningless collectables which just require you to go to a spot, press B, and get XP. The same jank-ass controls that have plagued this series since goddamn Altair.
This game almost completely dodges saying or even showing anything interesting about the period, a time rife with classism and industry and colonialism. The one hilarious exception is that the game goes balls to the wall on the issue of child labor, which it depicts by making you sneak into factories, violently murder people in front of children, then just say "hey, you're good now" to all the kids, to get a big banner that says "CHILDREN LIBERATED". Then, when you go back to the factory after it's in your control, the kids are STILL THERE.
The writing is also garbage. Almost 24 hours of playtime later, I still have no idea why the villain is the villain other than "he is a Templar and Templars are bad". He has a scheme in literally the last mission to kill a bunch of English heads of state, which would maybe be compelling if I didn't spend all game assassinating heads of state. The game attempts conflict between the leads and a romance subplot, both of which are terrible. No characters have any personality or motivation for doing what they do, other than "they are a character in a video game and they have to do this for the video game to happen".
God I really wish I didn't hate this game.
I am happy I played this game, because it helped me perfectly encapsulate everything I hate about AAA video games from the last ten years. An open world littered with meaningless collectables which just require you to go to a spot, press B, and get XP. The same jank-ass controls that have plagued this series since goddamn Altair.
This game almost completely dodges saying or even showing anything interesting about the period, a time rife with classism and industry and colonialism. The one hilarious exception is that the game goes balls to the wall on the issue of child labor, which it depicts by making you sneak into factories, violently murder people in front of children, then just say "hey, you're good now" to all the kids, to get a big banner that says "CHILDREN LIBERATED". Then, when you go back to the factory after it's in your control, the kids are STILL THERE.
The writing is also garbage. Almost 24 hours of playtime later, I still have no idea why the villain is the villain other than "he is a Templar and Templars are bad". He has a scheme in literally the last mission to kill a bunch of English heads of state, which would maybe be compelling if I didn't spend all game assassinating heads of state. The game attempts conflict between the leads and a romance subplot, both of which are terrible. No characters have any personality or motivation for doing what they do, other than "they are a character in a video game and they have to do this for the video game to happen".
God I really wish I didn't hate this game.
2016
Another AAA franchise I dropped a while ago, I have a lot of fond memories of playing the original Gears trilogy with my high school friends, and so when I saw Gears 4 in the Game Pass selection while deciding what to put on my Series S, I was like "sure, let's see how this series has grown".
Honestly, pretty well! I remember very little from the original Gears trilogy, but that was no hinderance with this game, which very quickly sets out to provide a new world, new characters, and new foes, while still feeling decidedly Gears-y. The plot is actually alright this go-round, although there's a decided high point in the middle act bookended by bits that are just sort of fine.
The combat in Gears 4 feels fantastic. Enemies feel clever, and there were a few times I got genuinely outplayed by the AI. The new guns are, eh, I could take 'em or leave 'em, but the old standbyes are still there, and with a trusty Lancer in hand, it's hard to go wrong.
Pretty good! Not mind-blowing in any way, but some high quality Gears of War-ing.
Honestly, pretty well! I remember very little from the original Gears trilogy, but that was no hinderance with this game, which very quickly sets out to provide a new world, new characters, and new foes, while still feeling decidedly Gears-y. The plot is actually alright this go-round, although there's a decided high point in the middle act bookended by bits that are just sort of fine.
The combat in Gears 4 feels fantastic. Enemies feel clever, and there were a few times I got genuinely outplayed by the AI. The new guns are, eh, I could take 'em or leave 'em, but the old standbyes are still there, and with a trusty Lancer in hand, it's hard to go wrong.
Pretty good! Not mind-blowing in any way, but some high quality Gears of War-ing.
2020
Talkin' 'bout Bugsnax.
I wish I liked the fundamental gameplay of Bugsnax as much as I liked the writing and characters, although, admittedly, I like the writing and characters a whole lot. The gameplay though felt a little plain, like I could have used a bit more mechanical depth or at least puzzle solving to actually catching the Bugsnax. Were this game just the mechanics, I probably wouldn't have stuck with it, but the characters are SO good that I was glued to my TV.
Chandlo is maybe my new favorite video game character
I wish I liked the fundamental gameplay of Bugsnax as much as I liked the writing and characters, although, admittedly, I like the writing and characters a whole lot. The gameplay though felt a little plain, like I could have used a bit more mechanical depth or at least puzzle solving to actually catching the Bugsnax. Were this game just the mechanics, I probably wouldn't have stuck with it, but the characters are SO good that I was glued to my TV.
Chandlo is maybe my new favorite video game character