I Didn't Play That Many Games in 2023 And That's Okay
In my 2022 list, I expressed that I was disappointed with how that year went for me. Not just in how I didn't play nearly all I was planning to, but in general I felt like I was completely stagnant that year. I then promised that I would do better the next year
This year, I played even less games, but that's not a bad thing because I did much better in all the other parts of my life that matter way more! I got a real job, finally learned to drive and got my license after years of putting it off due to anxiety, started going to the gym and actually stuck with it this time, learned video editing, and also watched a ton of movies. Basically, all the time and energy I would've put into Gaming or Thinking About Gaming was put elsewhere, and I think it paid off well for me. I'm still far from being in a completely satisfying place in life, and it'll take a lot more effort than I've already put into changing things, but I feel much more capable of providing that effort now.
All of this to say that if you saw me on here a whole lot less, that's why. In 2024, will I be more committed to finishing games and clearing out my backlog? Maybe, maybe not, whichever way it goes will be fine by me. There's still plenty of mid 3d platformers out there, lot's of weird PS1 games to explore, and a shit ton of bad licensed games to stream for my friends to watch. Anyway, these are my favorite first-time plays of the year. Thank you for following, for reading, and for still being a great place for discovering new avenues of game criticism and analysis.
I only played 4 volumes of Namco Museum PS1, didn't even get to "O".
This year, I played even less games, but that's not a bad thing because I did much better in all the other parts of my life that matter way more! I got a real job, finally learned to drive and got my license after years of putting it off due to anxiety, started going to the gym and actually stuck with it this time, learned video editing, and also watched a ton of movies. Basically, all the time and energy I would've put into Gaming or Thinking About Gaming was put elsewhere, and I think it paid off well for me. I'm still far from being in a completely satisfying place in life, and it'll take a lot more effort than I've already put into changing things, but I feel much more capable of providing that effort now.
All of this to say that if you saw me on here a whole lot less, that's why. In 2024, will I be more committed to finishing games and clearing out my backlog? Maybe, maybe not, whichever way it goes will be fine by me. There's still plenty of mid 3d platformers out there, lot's of weird PS1 games to explore, and a shit ton of bad licensed games to stream for my friends to watch. Anyway, these are my favorite first-time plays of the year. Thank you for following, for reading, and for still being a great place for discovering new avenues of game criticism and analysis.
I only played 4 volumes of Namco Museum PS1, didn't even get to "O".
26 Games
Had the in-browser remake/fan translation of this game bookmarked forever, and I started 2023 by going "I should just finally play that thing" and I did! And it ended up being the best thing I played that year, which is kind of awkward in a way.
One of the most harrowing game I've ever played, every day dreading what was coming next while being in awe every time of this game's UI and presentation. Really feels like you're slowly prodding at something you're not supposed know anything about, mirroring the experience of browsing the internet late at night, going down a rabbit hole that's completely open for anyone to fall into but still makes you feel like an intruder. Kind of should be mandatory playing for anyone whose seen the show, maybe we would get less drawings of Lain drinking a Monster while talking about the benefits of being bimbo-pilled or whatever the fuck.
One of the most harrowing game I've ever played, every day dreading what was coming next while being in awe every time of this game's UI and presentation. Really feels like you're slowly prodding at something you're not supposed know anything about, mirroring the experience of browsing the internet late at night, going down a rabbit hole that's completely open for anyone to fall into but still makes you feel like an intruder. Kind of should be mandatory playing for anyone whose seen the show, maybe we would get less drawings of Lain drinking a Monster while talking about the benefits of being bimbo-pilled or whatever the fuck.
A fascinating follow-up to a masterpiece that's all about how fucking hard that is. Gameplay wise is more of the same but with a wider variety of levels and challenges, more to do with the original's fantastic concept. But for me it's all about the dialogue between the King of All Cosmos and the people requesting katamaris. In order to please them you have to do much better than average, which you probably won't do on your first try, which means many of your first levels will end in disappointment for these people. Some levels are so demanding even a good performance will get them to say something like "Oh, I guess this is fine. Yeah, no, it's great, I'm sure it is." Keita Takahashi was clearly not trying to repeat himself after Katamari, but when he was basically forced to, he made sure to do it as gracefully, and as brutally honest, as possible. The most bittersweet love letter ever written.
Ever since this game came out I held back from buying it just because I knew I wasn't in the mood to play anything and I didn't want it languishing in my steam library like so many other cool games. So on the week before Christmas, while I had the week off from work, I finally got it because I knew I had the time to fully digest this thing.
This fucking slaps. Nails the feeling of a ps1 platformer level that suddenly expanded into a full game. Getting lost here was a joy, as it felt like every hallway lead to something new and exciting. Even when I ended up going in circles a few times, it was joyous just because of how well the atmosphere was nailed, and how fun movement is here. It's the perfect balance of letting you feel like you can go anywhere with enough clever thinking, but still restrictive to where the platforming doesn't become trivialized. The first time in a long time I've seen a platformer do something genuinely new and interesting with a wall jump, the first time a long jump felt as good as the Mario 64 long jump, I can't sing this game's praises enough. As the 3D Platformer Pervert, this gets my seal of approval.
This fucking slaps. Nails the feeling of a ps1 platformer level that suddenly expanded into a full game. Getting lost here was a joy, as it felt like every hallway lead to something new and exciting. Even when I ended up going in circles a few times, it was joyous just because of how well the atmosphere was nailed, and how fun movement is here. It's the perfect balance of letting you feel like you can go anywhere with enough clever thinking, but still restrictive to where the platforming doesn't become trivialized. The first time in a long time I've seen a platformer do something genuinely new and interesting with a wall jump, the first time a long jump felt as good as the Mario 64 long jump, I can't sing this game's praises enough. As the 3D Platformer Pervert, this gets my seal of approval.
Wasn't there some hot new indie game that took a lot of inspiration from this game this year? Can't think of it's name, should probably check it out though. Pizza something. Pizza Tom I think. I think the main character's name is Pizza Tom and the game is named after him.
Wario Land 4 On The Game Boy Advance
Wario Land 4 On The Game Boy Advance
On one fateful Thursday, I realized I was sick as hell. After I confirmed I was getting the day off tomorrow, I knew I had something important to do: choose what game I was gonna play while being sick in bed for the whole weekend.
I had been avoiding the Dimps-developed handhelds Sonic games for a while now, since I had the memory of their level design being unfair and frustrating. While this game certainly has those moments, this game still rules. Sonic/Blaze have super fluid controls that make sense both when needing to slow down and at the incredible speeds the game can reach. It is very demanding, but I found myself completely willing to reach those demands. It honestly made me want to check out the other handheld Sonic, since I enjoyed this so much more than I thought I would. Fighting the Egg King while sweating so hard from my fever that I need to lay on a towel will be a forever cherished Gaming Memory.
I had been avoiding the Dimps-developed handhelds Sonic games for a while now, since I had the memory of their level design being unfair and frustrating. While this game certainly has those moments, this game still rules. Sonic/Blaze have super fluid controls that make sense both when needing to slow down and at the incredible speeds the game can reach. It is very demanding, but I found myself completely willing to reach those demands. It honestly made me want to check out the other handheld Sonic, since I enjoyed this so much more than I thought I would. Fighting the Egg King while sweating so hard from my fever that I need to lay on a towel will be a forever cherished Gaming Memory.
As a fan of other works from Splendidland like Mega Man Sprite Game and Batman and Joker Are Married, I knew this was gonna be great when I eventually got to it. And it was! Perfectly matched my high expectations, consistently very funny and charming. I wish more artists I like would do these sorts of small game projects that are really effective at showcasing their art. 2023 saw several artists I follow release visual novels and that's also great, too bad I didn't get to play those yet. But I will! I'm not a liar!
Vividlope was one of those games that I've seen the dev post about forever and kind of forgot that the game was actually supposed to come out at some point. In those dev screenshots and gifs, I didn't think much of it, but once I saw a video of the game being played, I was immediately activated. This is basically a lost Dreamcast action-puzzle game, demanding both methodical thinking and quick reaction. In love with the look and sound of everything, and the main character is one of the most appealing character designs from a new game this year. Unfortunately took a break from it after a stage completely stumped me in terms of trying to get an S+ rank in it, but I think it's a great puzzle game to lost a lot of time in.
One specific thing that I really want to shout out is the score breakdown. When you finish a stage, you get a letter rank and a breakdown of how you got that rank. On that screen, you also see every aspect of the game you're scored on, and the amount of each you need to achieve an S+ rank. It makes grinding for the highest rank much less of a hassle, as you know exactly what you need to work on. Works really well for the stage-by-stage format of the game.
One specific thing that I really want to shout out is the score breakdown. When you finish a stage, you get a letter rank and a breakdown of how you got that rank. On that screen, you also see every aspect of the game you're scored on, and the amount of each you need to achieve an S+ rank. It makes grinding for the highest rank much less of a hassle, as you know exactly what you need to work on. Works really well for the stage-by-stage format of the game.
Missed this game due to not owning a Wii, and it's a solid as hell Kirby experience. All of the gimmicks like the super abilities and the dimension rifts are really good at keeping a level from feeling stale, all of the abilities here are super well thought out like in Star Allies but also in a game that runs at 60 so they feel way better. Merry Magoland is way more fun than it has any right to be, and they could make an entire game just out of the ability challenge rooms. I'm getting to the end of this mini-review and just remembered the Magolor Epilogue that's also fun! These Kirby games man, they pack in that value.
This year, I bought myself a hacked PS Vita, and while I was downloading all the strange Vita exclusives I could, I noticed something really enticing I could do with a hacked Vita: use the official PSP emulator to play PSP isos. As a kid who was on the DS side of the handheld console wars, I was always a little envious of all the weird and cool shit the PSP could do, so despite having access to every Vita game, I ended up mostly using this device to play old PSP games, like this one.
Whoever at Harmonix came up with making the handheld versions of Rock Band just Amplitude is a genius. This is a fun time and was just a very pleasant thing to come back home to every day, progressing a little more through the campaign every time. The campaign does kind of require you to play a lot of songs over and over again which I'm not huge on, but I guess it makes sense for the format. I certainly am a lot more familiar with Today by The Smashing Pumpkins than I ever thought I'd be. This game is also really effective at helping you realize how vital each component of a song is, how each instrument requires a different kind of rhythm, even songs you've done over and over again feel exciting because of this format.
The funniest thing in the game is that many of the tracks are censored but they left in the line from Rock Your Socks by Tenacious D where Jack Black asks for someone to "drop trow/ and squeeze out/ a cleveland steamer on my chest"
Whoever at Harmonix came up with making the handheld versions of Rock Band just Amplitude is a genius. This is a fun time and was just a very pleasant thing to come back home to every day, progressing a little more through the campaign every time. The campaign does kind of require you to play a lot of songs over and over again which I'm not huge on, but I guess it makes sense for the format. I certainly am a lot more familiar with Today by The Smashing Pumpkins than I ever thought I'd be. This game is also really effective at helping you realize how vital each component of a song is, how each instrument requires a different kind of rhythm, even songs you've done over and over again feel exciting because of this format.
The funniest thing in the game is that many of the tracks are censored but they left in the line from Rock Your Socks by Tenacious D where Jack Black asks for someone to "drop trow/ and squeeze out/ a cleveland steamer on my chest"
In 2023 Nintendo finally introduced the Game Boy line of consoles to their Nintendo Online subscription service. Obviously there's a lot to rightfully criticize about how Nintendo handles their library of games, especially considering both the price of their subscription and the alternative being "just download that shit online." That being said, one of the most important and underrated advantages that Nintendo's offering has is the power of curation. So often, I open an emulator eager to try an old game and get so overwhelmed by my choices I end up picking nothing. One of the only games available at the GBA's launch being Kurukuru Kururin put it directly in front of me in a way that I couldn't do myself, and encouraged me to finally try it, and it's good! A simple premise but an incredibly engaging one, never relents in difficulty but in a way that kept me coming back. Really wish Nintendo was still in the mode of occasionally investing in fun little experiments like this, but unfortunately may not happen any time soon with the end of handheld-exclusive development.
After having messed with the Flashpoint software mostly for playing old Cartoon Network games and Mario fan games that scared me as a kid, I decided to try checking out some legitimate classics of the Flash medium. My only reference for this game was an old Retsupurae video about a really annoying guy playing this game, and its inclusion in Rivals of Aether (with an incredible version of the main theme).
Overall, the gameplay isn't anything incredible unique or thrilling, but it's a great example of doing a lot with a little (one of the central themes of the game being taking away your abilities instead of getting new ones). Absolutely killer soundtrack, and the kind of project that makes you want to make games. Can't fully explain why this game left such an impact on me the way it did, I found so much about it legit inspiring.
Overall, the gameplay isn't anything incredible unique or thrilling, but it's a great example of doing a lot with a little (one of the central themes of the game being taking away your abilities instead of getting new ones). Absolutely killer soundtrack, and the kind of project that makes you want to make games. Can't fully explain why this game left such an impact on me the way it did, I found so much about it legit inspiring.
Games with vector graphics like this are insane to behold in person. Obviously Asteroids is a simple game but I kept coming back to it during my visit to the arcade just because it's so beautiful to behold (and also controls much better with the original arcade controls).
In one of the Discord servers I frequent I saw someone doing a full playthrough of the Mega Man main series. Having only played 2, I thought I would join in a little by checking this game out, having heard from people I follow that it's a good entry.
It's hard! As a remake of the first Mega Man it does not relent from that game's difficulty, and I had a pretty hard time getting my bearings here at first. But eventually I found my way and really appreciated how much of a fun and fully featured package this game is. Definitely not the "Good For First Timers!" experience I had been misled into thinking it was though lmao.
It's hard! As a remake of the first Mega Man it does not relent from that game's difficulty, and I had a pretty hard time getting my bearings here at first. But eventually I found my way and really appreciated how much of a fun and fully featured package this game is. Definitely not the "Good For First Timers!" experience I had been misled into thinking it was though lmao.
The #1 attraction at the barcade. Fuck your Time Crisis, fuck your Mortal Kombat 3, fuck your Simpsons Arcade, Ice Cold Beer clears all of them. So good I can overcome my trypophobia to play it.
Another discovery through the limited Nintendo Switch Online catalog. These games do a great job of highlighting the strengths of Game and Watch games while adding their own twists to keep them more exciting than the originals. Also, another showcase of how gorgeous Game Boy Color games are. No one is better at Mario Cake Factory or whatever its called than I am.
I want to go to the Namco Museum sooooo bad I wanna smoke in Pac-Man's house I wanna meet the robot help desk lady I wanna be Pooka's best friend.
Think I got a little overhyped with this game, but it's undoubtedly a great 2D Mario platformer, and certainly a step in the right direction. Just wish the level design was as exciting as the art is.
It's probably the best version of Super Mario Bros 2, crunchy voice clips and oversaturation included. They should make Birdo speak perfect English again.
Folks, I present to you the only Vita game I actually finished on my hacked Vita this year.
I already played this game somewhat on my old Android phone, and always kind of liked it but never enough to fully commit to solving its more difficult puzzles. This time, I finally made it through the whole thing and man, this game is something. It feels like such a monumental accomplishment on the dev's part to take the Hitman games and find the essential essence of them like this. Distill it down to a grid based puzzle game, where each puzzle goes from "fuck this, impossible" to "holy shit I just saw the Matrix in this bitch". Super bummed to find out what happened to Square Enix Montreal, look it up if you want another reason to hate Embracer Group.
I already played this game somewhat on my old Android phone, and always kind of liked it but never enough to fully commit to solving its more difficult puzzles. This time, I finally made it through the whole thing and man, this game is something. It feels like such a monumental accomplishment on the dev's part to take the Hitman games and find the essential essence of them like this. Distill it down to a grid based puzzle game, where each puzzle goes from "fuck this, impossible" to "holy shit I just saw the Matrix in this bitch". Super bummed to find out what happened to Square Enix Montreal, look it up if you want another reason to hate Embracer Group.
It's neat! The Shantae games are all at the very least Neat in my book, and this one is no exception. Great art and decent enough level design, it's a fun 2D platformer with some metroidvania elements I find questionable. Also, you ever feel like a series assumes certain things about itself are way more iconic than they actually are. I feel that way about a lot of stuff in Shantae games. Like what the fuck is Ret-2-Go, stop saying that shit.
Game of My Childhood I Finally Defeated
I can't really blame myself for not being to beat this as a kid. The things you need to do to progress are very unclear, and you have a limited amount of time to figure them all out before you reach the end of summer and have to reset progress entirely on story mode. Doing everything again doesn't actually take long, but to kid me that kind of loss is devastating and frightening. This is a game about min-maxing summer break so you can kill your school bully, very odd.
I can't really blame myself for not being to beat this as a kid. The things you need to do to progress are very unclear, and you have a limited amount of time to figure them all out before you reach the end of summer and have to reset progress entirely on story mode. Doing everything again doesn't actually take long, but to kid me that kind of loss is devastating and frightening. This is a game about min-maxing summer break so you can kill your school bully, very odd.
Most baffling Arcade experience
This award could've gone to Journey, the arcade game based on the band of the same name, but I really gotta use this iconic and reoccurring category to shout out Gorf. This game just straight up has Galaxian enemies in it, and it uses the word "Galaxian" for the section with them, Gorf does not give a fuck. You really need to experience the audio nightmare of Gorf yourself.
This award could've gone to Journey, the arcade game based on the band of the same name, but I really gotta use this iconic and reoccurring category to shout out Gorf. This game just straight up has Galaxian enemies in it, and it uses the word "Galaxian" for the section with them, Gorf does not give a fuck. You really need to experience the audio nightmare of Gorf yourself.
Game That's Good Actually
I've only ever heard bad things about this game and how much worse it is than the other Spongebob platformers of the time. While it does look more rough and isn't as polished as those games, I think this might be my favorite of the Spongebob platformers. Something about the weird floaty high jump, the more open-ended levels that don't make themselves easy to navigate, the way mission objectives are more like things you run into while going through the level rather than objectives that require finishing specific platforming sections of levels like Battle for Bikini Bottom or the movie game. All these things activate my 3D platformer brain much more than the games previously mentioned, and I left surprised at how positive I was on this. Basically, you gotta let me break your game a little. Just a little.
I've only ever heard bad things about this game and how much worse it is than the other Spongebob platformers of the time. While it does look more rough and isn't as polished as those games, I think this might be my favorite of the Spongebob platformers. Something about the weird floaty high jump, the more open-ended levels that don't make themselves easy to navigate, the way mission objectives are more like things you run into while going through the level rather than objectives that require finishing specific platforming sections of levels like Battle for Bikini Bottom or the movie game. All these things activate my 3D platformer brain much more than the games previously mentioned, and I left surprised at how positive I was on this. Basically, you gotta let me break your game a little. Just a little.
Most Embarrassing Performance
One night I streamed the Parappa trilogy of games to my friends. While Lammy and Parappa 2 mostly went without incident, Parappa 1 absolutely destroyed me, specifically stage 2. It felt like I was stuck on this stage for an hour, though it was probably not more than half that, and in that timed I cursed anyone involved with bringing Parappa into this Earth. Most devastating fail streamer moment.
One night I streamed the Parappa trilogy of games to my friends. While Lammy and Parappa 2 mostly went without incident, Parappa 1 absolutely destroyed me, specifically stage 2. It felt like I was stuck on this stage for an hour, though it was probably not more than half that, and in that timed I cursed anyone involved with bringing Parappa into this Earth. Most devastating fail streamer moment.
Best Game To Not Pay For
I finally hacked my 3DS and the main thing I did with it was download this game for free because I would really like to not pay for it.
I finally hacked my 3DS and the main thing I did with it was download this game for free because I would really like to not pay for it.
BUGSCARE!!!!!!!!!!!
