ChrisSeitz
77 Reviews liked by ChrisSeitz
Dragon Climax
2017
Just when you thought you'd wiped the last painful memories of the NES era from your mind, Dragon Climax shows up to remind you once again how awful that time really was. From the ear-rape music to the basic gameplay to the lack of reasonable checkpoints to surprise enemies, almost every horrid feature of NES gaming comes back with a vengeance in Dragon's Climax. But wait, there's more. Boss battles that can be beaten by cornering the boss and mashing "A." Dull and repetitive level design. Lampposts in the background that are flashing like a strobe light. A female lead whose ridiculous character design seems intended to make my dragon climax, but instead makes me want to weep and then die. A black enemy NPC who looks like he stepped out of a minstrel show. And best of all, the baffling decision to use the A button to pause cutscenes instead of skipping through the dialogue (unlike, you know, every NES game ever). Life is too short to play a bad rip-off of already bad retro games. Avoid .
Clock Simulator
2016
haha now make cock simulator I'm serious
Still the greatest video game ever created.
(Hard playthrough on new save file, no alerts, no kills, Chameleon rank. Modded to 1440p on Steam.)
(Hard playthrough on new save file, no alerts, no kills, Chameleon rank. Modded to 1440p on Steam.)
Counter-Strike 2
2023
I have closer to 4500 hours in CS:GO. This isn't CS:GO, it tries to be- but falters a lot. The gameplay is still SOLID, even this version of CS is just better than everything else.
Shouldn't have been rushed out in the manner it was. Too bad. I'll come back to this review in a year or something to update it- but as it stands right now CS:GO is just better.
Shouldn't have been rushed out in the manner it was. Too bad. I'll come back to this review in a year or something to update it- but as it stands right now CS:GO is just better.
Hollow knight but good.
Pokedoku
2023
{ - Score unnecessary - }
You're telling me 53% of people remembered what the FUCK a Dragalge was???
You're telling me 53% of people remembered what the FUCK a Dragalge was???
Beyond Blue
2020
Spiritual Successor to the Endless Ocean series which my younger self enjoyed tremendously.
Beat this game like three times. It's one of my favourites ever. There is a lot of writing about this game out there from people far more eloquent than me you can read about. This is a game chances are you already have an opinion about anyway.
It's just very free. The systems interact in a delightful way nothing else has been able to hit for me. The Master Quest version really pushed me to play creatively. All timer.
It's just very free. The systems interact in a delightful way nothing else has been able to hit for me. The Master Quest version really pushed me to play creatively. All timer.
Actually I haven't played it but I've been watching my buddy play it and Ada Wong is really hot
Celeste
2018
Story
3/10
The foundation for all adventure, structure, is weak enough here to collapse the mountain. The narrative spends an incredible amount of time in the hotel which was a poor story arc and the bounce back with the unification of her other self was rushed and unsatisfyingly concluded. The game because of this mess felt too short and unrealised.
The specific platforming mechanics were cool but not exactly great. During playtime, I quite enjoyed them because I thought they would be a part of many more. This wasn't the case as the game was shorter than I expected and so lacked a complete experience being so limited. Still quite good fun though.
The story's theme is of modern mental health that misses the soul in the individual for its autonomy.
3/10
The foundation for all adventure, structure, is weak enough here to collapse the mountain. The narrative spends an incredible amount of time in the hotel which was a poor story arc and the bounce back with the unification of her other self was rushed and unsatisfyingly concluded. The game because of this mess felt too short and unrealised.
The specific platforming mechanics were cool but not exactly great. During playtime, I quite enjoyed them because I thought they would be a part of many more. This wasn't the case as the game was shorter than I expected and so lacked a complete experience being so limited. Still quite good fun though.
The story's theme is of modern mental health that misses the soul in the individual for its autonomy.
Nintendo's take on the Open World Genre, a return to form for Zelda design, and a statement on how to design interlocking systems that build upon each other emergently. Required reading.
"Shes such a bad bitch tho id fuck the shit outta that robot man"
Tales of Arise
2021
Combat is spamming buttons while the screen flashes and people yell. The premise of the story sounds like a child wrote it. All the characters are trash. Tales sucks.
One of the most impressive games for the PSP, tons of content, fanfic plot that convolutes an already messy series.
Metal Gear Solid
1998
A year ago I got interested in playing through all of Metal Gear around the time MGR blew up. I started here. This video game franchise has ruined me for life.
Its easy to see why this is one of the most influential video games of all time because its still so fucking good. People may say its graphics are outdated, but I genuinely think this thing looks amazing more than 20 years later. Most of the boss fights are fun, despite the controls being clunky and holding them back. For example, the Metal Gear REX fight really suffers from the controls. It nearly made me lose my mind. The story is weird, campy, kind of stupid, yet made me genuinely emotional. I think this game is going to stick with me forever.
Its easy to see why this is one of the most influential video games of all time because its still so fucking good. People may say its graphics are outdated, but I genuinely think this thing looks amazing more than 20 years later. Most of the boss fights are fun, despite the controls being clunky and holding them back. For example, the Metal Gear REX fight really suffers from the controls. It nearly made me lose my mind. The story is weird, campy, kind of stupid, yet made me genuinely emotional. I think this game is going to stick with me forever.