CW: Discussions of Transmisogyny

The common response to vulnerable niche play experiences like Video Game Feminization Hypnosis (2019), Cave Story Sex RPG 2007 (2021), and He Fucked The Girl Out of Me (2022), is mockery both for the boldness of name and of content. Video Game Feminization Hypnosis is a psychic-design-manifesto with lines like "i dont care about the "puzzles" i just wanna explore weird islands & mess with the machines" and "ive half-joked about my games being laced with estrogen but i wonder how powerful they could be. what if we could use video games to forcefem ppl all over the world" nested as hyperlinks throughout her vent towards a better girly gameworld. Written in lowercase text and using internet acronyms like 'ppl', she speaks with a casual concern for unfettered femme exploration games as a way to potentially rewrite the social code.

It has not been product tested for review, nor has either of the other 2 games mentioned. The problem here is that the culture of 'gaming' itself is unable to step beyond the bounds of product review. Franz inquires into this problem around Cave Story Sex RPG 2007

"Why do we seek to quantify something clearly very personal based on how much it resonates with us?

I think my problem is that I think people are looking at this game as they would a product. Like it needs to have some value to me, otherwise it's not "worth playing".

Nadia, Fewprime, Blood Machine, npckc, communistsister, bagenzo, and [pourpetine] (https://xrafstar.monster/games/). These are in my mind the most notable transfemme gamedevs and their relevant store pages for their work¹. It's obviously not a comprehensive list, but this is my notation for who is the most publicly notable and prolific within the scene. Notice that all of the games on these pages are free as are the 3 games I opened with at the start. That's because transfemme gamedevs more often have to make their corpus free just to get eyes. So what are gaming spaces assessing the 'worth' of a completely no strings attached free simulated experiences? I think its the fact we dare to make people uncomfortable and borrowing a modicum of their time (across all the devs I've mentioned I cant think of 1 that takes more than 3 hours to finish, usually only being around 20 minutes in length at most). My sisters have to cheapen themselves to 0 just to get your ear and its still just met with mockery, harassment, and belittlement².

Even when a transfemme game dev gets the chance of any success at all she is thrown down again. In pourpetine's Hot Allostatic Load (2015) she notes among a litany of pained observations that

"One of my abusers was sent a list of the nominees for the upcoming games festival Indiecade. Unfortunately, I was on the list. I ended up winning an award, ostensibly to recognize my feminine labor in the areas of marginalized game design—years of creating access for other people, publicizing their games, giving technical support, not to mention the games I had designed myself. Instead of solidarity from other marginalized people in my field, I was attacked."

Video Game Feminization Hypnosis beats to a much more Utopian drum. A belief that we can mesmerize people into a more pure goo out of this vindictive rut, create a games made out of love, show people feminine Exits.

I believe in all that. I also believe that my words and those of my sisters are constantly being cast a sidelong jeer of disposability. That I and my sisters are then to blame for when a mobbing happens and not the world's own biases and outrage. This world has made this all quite non-negotiable, no more playing along with the democratic cesspits and hateful comedy routines. Here's to reflecting on the play experience others treat as compost as if its the most meaningful urtexts in the world because to quote pourpetine again "Build the shittiest thing possible. Build out of trash because all i have is trash. Trash materials, trash bodies, trash brain syndrome. Build in the gaps between storms of chronic pain." trash art is my queendom.

I hope it suffocates society before it can flee to their patriarch Arks. As princess put it here 'flood the world and dilute the sludge'.

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1. 2 notable exceptions I know of with pay to play games by transfemme is princess/Girl Software's other games, and the cowriting of Aevee Bee on Worst Girl Games. Also key in on the fact here I'm making no judgements on individual pricing of games as a moral decision.

2. Does not remotely just happen On Backloggd³ if you think this is just a grievance I have with this site you're gravely misreading me and I urge you to slow down your social media outrage use for a bit qt~

3. Although I should not lie, social media sites are remarkably more unreliable habitats for trans people than they initially appear, this place has been a great learning experience of that in my case

One of my Resolutions for 2023 was to play LSD Dream Emulator per day, considering that the game takes place in a span of 365 days.

While I wasn't able to play through the game every day due to being busy, procrastinating, and more; I finally made up for it by reaching the end of the game and exploring the many dreams I was able to experience. This was one of the draining Resolutions of Last Year because I take advantage of logging my games with notes, and LSD is a great example of me going overboard noting the many changes on this chart that change each day you play into the game. Either being highlighted at a new or old spot and describing either an FMV or text-based dialogue. Some of the days would last either within 4-5 minutes, and would often last to the maximum of 10 minutes -- the longest time you can spend via a dream per day.

To describe my experience, it was a strange journey as I kept playing. What's unique about LSD is that it's different for every player due to how we explore many areas but with the slightest tweaks, and the chart being an indicator of the many dreams we'll explore in terms of its balancing. As I kept playing, I found my playthrough of LSD to slowly turn horrific due to how I was curious about the darker aspects of these dreams and why are we experiencing them -- only to be swayed off by disbelief of how it's about a person's Dream Journal adapted into a video game leading so many questions.

Despite not being able to finish it last year, I at least made up for it by finishing LSD Dream Emulator and seeing the end of it (which felt redeeming).

Photo compilation of my journey through LSD Dream Emulator, along with the chart that progressed until Day 365.

ENG: Compilation of dreams and fantasies. Nothing more and nothing less. Pure ramblings. There will be those who do not like it, I consider it a most extravagant experience. It must also be said that it wouldn't be the same experience if it weren't for the low poly aesthetics so typical of the PSX.

ESP: Recopilatorio de sueños y fantasías. Nada más y nada menos. Puras divagaciones. Habrá a quien le sepa a poco, yo lo considero un ejercicio de lo más extravagante. También hay que decir que no sería la misma experiencia sino fuera por la estética de bajos polígonos tan propia de la PSX.

Unlike Tetris, it feels like you're rarely, if ever, making substantial moves. The skill ceiling for meaningful play is significantly higher here though. It feels like you're just fucked later down the line if you don't form any "flowers" early in a game, because once you're in the later levels, the amount of different colored pieces you have to deal with makes that nigh impossible. Those flower pieces can be used for more accurate piece movement (if you're good at the game), so not having access to one late in a game limits your ability to do much of anything. Also, why is the music so haunting? It sounds like Zero has me trapped in an escape room, and the only way to leave is to match a black pearl flower. I think I'm gonna die here, please help

I think I may have just discovered that Nintendo series for me.

Metroid Prime was several miles ahead of its time when it released and it shows. It's got stellar pacing, satisfying first-person combat (which on controllers for me is a very hard sell), beautiful visuals & atmosphere, and even plenty of secrets. I haven't played anything like it up to this point and I am seriously impressed.

Only some minor complaints here and there. The biggest of all, and the only reason I wouldn't give this a full 5, is the lack of fast travel. I understand that's sort of the point since you should be accustomed to learning and speedrunning different zones, but I would've been happy to have Samus' ship be able to go between the Overworld, Mines, and Drifts at minimum in a preset location freely. It would've gone a long way, since repeatedly traversing certain areas became more of an inconvenience toward the end. Given how fluid it was to traverse though, this wasn't a massive complaint for me.

Needless to say, I'm super interested in the (hopefully) eventual release of Prime 4, and the rumored Prime 2 Remastered coming soon.

Writing about Immortality is extremely challenging. It's unlike anything else out there, and discussing its gameplay too much could spoil the experience. Rest assured, I'll steer clear of anything that might ruin it for you.

I can begin by explaining that Immortality is a blend of a game and an interactive movie, featuring real people.

The game begins with a video featuring an actress on a talk show. Within the first few minutes, you realize that by pausing the video and selecting a person or object, a new video will start, similar to your selection. Your task is to unlock new videos by doing this.

As you unlock new videos, you're introduced to the life and career of Marissa Marcel, a talented actress. Her story is compelling and well-crafted.

I can't reveal much more, as even how to progress in the game is a spoiler. It's not very clear to the player how to move forward. At some point, I felt satisfied with the experience and understood what I needed to do, but still struggled with how to finish. Towards the end, I became fatigued and eager to complete it.

I played the iOS version and found the controls to be unreliable at times. There was a particular video where I knew what I needed to select, but it took me about 20 minutes to do it correctly. I wouldn't recommend this version, to be honest.

One more thing to note is that the game contains explicit scenes, including nudity and sexual content, so be prepared for that.

In summary, Immortality offers a unique experience despite some minor issues. I wish the game offered clearer guidance on what the player needs to do and was a bit shorter. Nonetheless, I recommend playing it on a PC or console, avoiding the mobile version.