Putrid. This game doesn't get ANYTHING right. It's so bad I struggled mightily with how to begin this review, because I could start anywhere. I think I'll start with the physics, one of the MOST important things in any 2D Platformer. They're too slippery! You don't really have any good "stopping power" (think turning back in Super Mario Bros 1 or 3 to slow your momentum) and you slide pretty wildly when landing unless you take them very slowly. It isn't tooooooo bad early because at least a decent amount of the platforms are large, but as soon as the game starts throwing single block platforms at you it gets actively miserable to try and land on the damn things without just sliding off. Alex Kidd is also pretty slide-y on the ground, which leads to the annoyance of sliding into enemies while trying to punch them with your punch attack. You COULD use the jump attack but the hitbox on it feels very inconsistent and you can't do it in all situations. Fortunately most enemies are actually pathetically easy to deal with, so you just spam the punch button, instead most of your deaths will come from how poor it controls.

Speaking of controls, why is the jump mapped the way it is? I wondered if I was missing something, but when you jump you go right into the jump kick attack as you rise, UNLESS you hold down the jump button as you rise. If you do THAT, then you will only kick when you let go. It felt incredibly weird holding down the jump button to make jumps like that, doubly so because for some reason blocks on the ground can only be broken with a jump kick. Enjoy jumping in place like an idiot trying to get them to actually break. And yes, this is required at certain points. I think you can use the pogo to break them, but it was mostly frustrating. Anyway, why not make it so you just tap the jump button in the air to attack? Or that tapping A is jump but holding A is attack or something? It feels very unnatural.

Then you get into stuff like the second to last level, which is a mini-shmup style level with a pedicopter you need to CONSTANTLY tap A to fly around with and will begin to dip on the screen if you stop tapping for even a moment. Firing off an attack is NOT on A and you WILL be forced down quite a bit on the screen if you use it, which sucks even more because the downward momentum from falling makes it harder to fly back up. I beat the level pretty quickly and my thumb was soooore. But, look, there's platforms you can sit down and take a moment to rest your thumb! Oh as if the game would be so kind, this is Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle motherfucker, the platforms instantly drop off and you'll be stuck with downwards momentum if you weren't prepared! You get luck-based Rock-Paper-Scissor bosses, a final stage that feels like it drags on forever and burns its mediocre music into your skull for eternity, it also ends with a luck-based RPS fight! But then you get an actual fight that is completely pathetic, literally just crouch, walk up to them and mash the attack button, you'll hit them casually and dodge every attack.

Did I mention this game looks absolutely rancid? Alex Kidd himself is NOT nice to look at, various textures are grainy even for 8 bit, there's eye searing colors at various points and the final level is endless sandy brown blocks with endless light grey blocks that blend into a nightmare. Stage transitions are entirely in eye searing blue like a VCR tape, which also happens when you die. There's no visual cohesion or identity to the enemies or stages, feeling like highly disconnected levels and the two "city" levels are half palette swaps of each other when the game only has 11 stages. The entire thing is butt ugly aside from the woodcutting enemy with a Jason mask that gave me a chuckle.

At least Sonic Blast let you play as Sonic.

You know what, I am getting pretty fucking sick of this dumbass kid and his dumbass games. For every single installment so far (aside from that one BMX game I haven't played that no one cares about), they have either been terrible to painfully mediocre, making me question why I would even continue playing these games in the first place. Not that there is anything bad with being painfully mediocre, but it just seems like none of these games are getting any better, and are progressively getting weirder, and not in a good way. But hey, I won’t give up hope, as we still have several games left in this series, and this next one in particular was made for the Sega Genesis rather then the Master System, so that means it has to have some level of quality, right? Well, I shall see with Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle.

So, after playing through the game, I can say with confidence that this installment in the painfully mediocre Alex Kidd franchise is… also painfully mediocre, but despite that, I would also say that it is the best game in the series so far, even if it isn’t all that good. I will give the game credit for actually sticking to a gameplay style, unlike the last two who changed it up pretty jarringly, and it does add some new features that weren’t in the previous game (at least from what I remember), but aside from that, it is about what you would come to expect from this series at this point, and not in a good way.

The story is almost the same as most games of the time, if you replace the “girl” with “father” instead, the graphics are an improvement over all of the other games in the series, but that is to be expected when moving up to the Genesis, the music is… definitely music, the control is good enough, even if the startup movement speed is a little wonky, and the gameplay sticks to what was established in the first Alex Kidd game, for better or worse.

Like the original game, it is a 2D platformer, where you move through various levels, defeating enemies, gathering money and helpful items along the way, using vehicles in several instances to proceed forward, and taking on “bosses” along the way. All of it is executed very similarly to that of the original game, and as such, not too many elements are introduced to change up this formula, aside from maybe some new items that give you new different abilities, but that isn’t really much to talk about. Really, it all boils down to whether or not this game improves upon what the first game established, and from what I have experienced, I can say with confidence that it definitely does that… again, for better or worse.

First off, upon starting the game, you have plenty of options to change difficulty, test out some of the game’s gimmicks and so on, which is always appreciated for an older game like this. Secondly, the levels themselves, and what you do in them, are pretty much unchanged, but it does feel better to play more so then the original game, even if the level design and enemies themselves still feel pretty uninspired. You still get to enter plenty of shops and get plenty of items with the money that you acquire, which can help out a lot, but in order to get them you have to play… more rock-paper-scissors. Yes, this also makes a return from the original game, and believe it or not, it is somehow worse here. These matches are everywhere, in terms of when you enter shops (which are optional, but still), and at the end of a good chunk of levels, which wouldn’t bother me so much if they didn’t replace possibilities of actual boss fights. There is only one true boss fight in the game, that being the final one, and all he does is just throw flying fists at you, which are insanely easy to dodge, so there is no real presence of challenge when it comes to them. Again, I’m not saying rock-paper-scissors is bad, or that playing it in this game is bad, but when they take up most of the formidable foes, it gets annoying.

With that being said, there were some parts of the game that were improved on. There are no weird-ass puzzles that you have to solve in order to progress, no pointless stages that last about a couple seconds just to give you a piece of info that you don’t care about, and where the original game had a ton of those annoying dungeon levels that were filled with traps to fuck you over, this game only has one of those, that being the final level, which I can excuse considering how appropriate it is. It makes things feel more consistent in terms of content, while also not just completely abandoning elements that were present in the original (even if I would have preferred if they were removed).

That being said, this all still comes off as being incredibly bland. It may just be based on my tastes, and I am aware there wasn’t too many other options in 1989, but after going through four games in this series, almost all of them drastically different from one another, I still can’t find any reason to like Alex Kidd as a series, or even as a mascot. The games aren’t all that bad (aside from, you know, High Tech World), but they leave so little of an impact and add nothing unique to the genre aside from the rock-paper-scissors matches, that you wonder how Sega went for so long trying to use him as their icon, or even why they gave him so many games. Oh well, at least so far, I haven’t hated my time with them, with this game definitely being the best of the bunch, but still… it just isn’t grabbing me like I bet they were intending.

Overall, while being an improvement over the original game, as well as being the best in the series so far, Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle still comes off as being yet another mediocre title in this mediocre series, which does seem like its trying to improve on itself to make for a more entertaining and quality experience, but it still manages to fall flat on its face. But hey, at least we have 1 and a half games left, as well as a remake way later down the line, so they must have gotten it right at some point…. please, for the love of god, get it right.

Game #215

You know, sometimes, I like to sit outside on my balcony, in a nice little chair, watching either the sunrise or sunset depending on the time of day, and I like to think "Man... life is good. Life is grand, there is so much to love about humanity and our planet in general, and I am glad to be alive."

And then I remember stuff like this game exists, and then I quickly remember that humanity was a mistake, and that the Earth should have been shot into the sun a long time ago to rid the universe of us.

Game #216

It's like the original Super Mario Bros., except IT SUCKS! Ok, that's not true, it doesn't suck, as it is essentially the same game as the original Super Mario Bros., but it looks somewhat better. Everything is almost the exact same, except for the level design, which is so poorly designed and way too difficult to where it ruins the game for most people, including me. If you really wanted to play this game, and I mean, REALLY play it, just stick with the All-Stars version. Avoid the original NES game at all costs.

Game #2

There is a reason why this game single handedly reinvented and popularized the adventure genre, as almost everything about it is iconic and works. Sure, it has aged overtime, but then again, really, what game from 1986 hasn't aged at least a little bit?

The story is simple, yet effective, the graphics are dated, yet iconic, the music is legendary, albeit not too varied, the control is pretty decent, the gameplay is very fun and challenging, the world is massive and has a lot to do, especially for an NES game, and the fact that there is a SAVE FEATURE. Believe it or not, that was a huge deal back in the day.

If I had one complaint about the game, it is definitely what I would call a guide game. Sure, you can find a lot of the stuff in the game easily by just exploring around, but if you really want to go out of your way for 100%, then you will have to break out one to find everything. Not to mention, the dungeons are a little repetitive and the bosses are very easy, but those things didn't bother me too much.

Overall, it is a definitive classic of the NES library, and a fantastic start to one of Nintendo's most iconic franchises. Let's just hope they don't try to fuck up the next entry at all.

Game #15

For the very first game made by Rare, who back in the day was known as Ultimate Play the Game (which is the dumbest name for a game company I have ever heard), Jetpac surprisingly holds up really well. It's a very simple game where you just fly around and fix your ship while taking out enemies, but it can actually get really fun when you give it a try. At least for me anyway. Sure, it may be extremely simple, and it can take some getting used to, but all in all, it is a good way to kill some time.

Game #42

Back when Nintendo launched the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, they came blasting out the gates immediately with Super Mario World, which is quite possibly one of the greatest launch titles for a console ever made. It is absolutely fantastic, and while I wouldn't consider it my favorite 2D Mario game, it is quite close to that bar, as it does practically nothing wrong in its execution.

The story is what you would expect from a Mario game, except now with dinosaurs, the graphics are extremely appealing and well done, the music is iconic, catchy, and wonderful, being great to listen to even to this day, the control and movement is extremely fast, responsive, and fun, the gameplay is 2D Mario at its absolute finest once again, the amount of things you can do in the game, including all the levels and the secret exits, are extremely fun to clear out, the difficulty is just right, the boss fights, while easy, are all different and varied enough to be entertaining, the powerups are all very creative and fun to use (except for the P Balloon), and not to mention, it introduced Yoshi, one of the best characters in the entire series, and he shines in this game, being very fun to use, with plenty of different types to use and experiment with.

Seriously, I can't think of a single bad thing about this game, it is THAT good. It does everything right for a Mario game, and it would pave the way for many more games to come in the future.

Overall, this is without a doubt one of the best SNES games ever made, and one of the greatest in the Mario series. While it may not be my favorite Mario game, or my favorite 2D one, it definitely deserves all of the praise it gets.

Game #47

Out of all the different versions of Double Dragon II, this is without a doubt the best version, because not only is it an original game unlike the arcade version, but it also manages to have more in comparison to that game, such as more stages, more bosses, more challenges, and more plot. Now, I wouldn't say this game is better than the original, with them being on the same level for me, and it does have its problems, but it is still a solid follow-up to the original game.

The story is about the same as the arcade version, this time helped out with new cinematics in between each level, the graphics are about on par with the original NES game, which were pretty good, the music is still pretty catchy and fun to listen to, the control is also about the same as the arcade, so nothing to go into there, and the game play is still the same classic beat-em-up action seen before.

What this game changes from the arcade though definitely makes it better in my eyes, with plenty of new stages involving new types of progression and hazards, making sure to keep the player on their toes and challenge them in new ways. However, not all of these new challenges are all that enjoyable after a while.

What I am mainly referring to is the platforming. Unlike the previous game and the arcade version, this game has plenty of sections involving platforming, and it is as extremely awkward to control as it sounds. Sure, not all of it is bad, but you will have to make a lot of tricky jumps with some of the worst jumping restrictions on the NES, even more so than Castlevania. Not to mention, another problem I have with the game is that some of the levels are short, and I mean REALLY short. Sure, it is an NES game, I get that, but these stages could've been lengthened out a little bit more.

Also, this is one of those games where they hide the true ending behind the hardest difficulty, and I HATE when games do that. I get it, you know, you wanna make the player earn it, and you could just really "get good, scrub", but it is still annoying at the end of the day if you play on one of the other difficulties and are then told to do it again.

Overall, while being on the same level as the original game, it is still a great follow-up to the original Double Dragon, and while it does have its problems, the NES version is certainly the best out of all the different versions of Double Dragon II.

Game #53

Whenever anyone brings up Ninja Gaiden on the internet, you will more likely than not hear them talk about the original, or maybe the modern games (and maybe even Dead or Alive if you are one of THOSE people). Which is a shame too, because the other Ninja Gaiden games, for the most part, still hold up pretty well, even if they may not be as good as the original, at least, in terms of the original series.

After the success of the original Ninja Gaiden on the NES (and not so much the arcade version), a sequel, Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos, was released two years later, and I am happy to say that it is a great follow up to the original. I wouldn't say that I like it more than the original game, because that one I have more memories with, but on an objective level, I would say this game is better than the original, but only BARELY.

The story is once again pretty complex for an NES game, once again helped out by the cinematics, which are just as great as the original game, the graphics are still pretty good, even if they are practically identical to the original game, the music is once again a banger, the control is practically the exact same as the original, and the gameplay is more of the same fantastic, fast, and frantic ninja gameplay we come to expect from this series.

If I were to describe this game, I would say it is Ninja Gaiden again, except with more stuff to mess around with. Not only are there more stages, bosses, and different level hazards to put the player to the test, such as wind, flashing lights, and ice (by the way, fuck ice physics), but there are also new weapons and power ups that you can mess around with, such as one where you can make up to two clones that follow you around and attack things at the same pace as you. All of this make the game much more enjoyable, fun, and yes, difficult then the original game.

This game, in terms of difficulty, is even more difficult then the original. Not by much, but it is a noticeable increase, and once again, it can get annoying, but not enough to make me give up. And again, like the last game, whenever you die at the bosses in the last act, you get sent back NOT to the beginning of the act, but the second part, which isn't as bad, but considering that the final act has five parts, it is basically the same punishment. So it is good to see that nothing has changed between installments.

Overall, while I still prefer the original over this, I would consider this a fantastic follow up of the original game that in some instances is even better than the original, with plenty of threats and challenges to take on that the original made so iconic.

Game #55

Making a video game is easy, right? No, actually, it is not. It is pretty fucking hard in reality. In fact, making a GOOD video game, GREAT even, is even harder than that. However, Vince Perri thought that making a video game could be easy, so he went on to try to do just that. And not just one video game, but 52 of them! So, after what I presume was one good night of coding, we were then graced with Action 52, a collection of 52 different video games all on one cartridge on the NES.

This game is the literal definition of quantity over quality. All of the games in this collection suck, and it did not deserve any attention whatsoever, especially back in the 90s when it came out. I would go ahead and cover all 52 games individually in this review and talk about what makes them work or what doesn't, but given how most of the games are practically the same, and most of them suffer from the same problems, why would I even bother?

The graphics are ugly, although some games are more bareable in that department, the music for the most part is annoying and lacks any effort, the control is broken or doesn't make any sense for most of the games, and the gameplay itself most of the time either doesn't work, or it is so bland and forgettable that I don't wanna bother with it for too long.

Every single game in the collection has something wrong with it, whether the game itself being multiplayer only, terrible level design, terrible enemy design, repeating the same gimmicks over and over again, spawning you right into death, and in the case of two games, not even working at all whatsoever. None of them are worth playing, except maybe for Cheetahman, which they intended to be a mascot of sorts, but you can clearly see how that turned out.

Also, did I forget to mention that, at the time it was originally released, they charged this for $200? Adjusted for inflation, that is around $400 nowadays. They really charged $200... for THIS. To anyone who actually fell for this and bought this for $200 back in the day, I feel extremely sorry for them, but at the same time, not really.

Overall, this is one of the worst selection of games I have ever seen, and they don't deserve any of your time and dedication. Also, I heard there is a Genesis version that could be considered slightly better then this, but you are crazy if you think I am gonna play this again.

Game #73

Now THIS is what I'm talking about! Galaga is without a doubt the superior of the original two Galaxian games, and it is incredibly fun and addicting. It's essentially the same as Galaxian, except this time it's a lot faster, with more shots being fired, and new threats to see. Not to mention, now your ship can be captured, and if you get it back, you can get a dual shooter, which makes it even more fun and satisfying.

Seriously, even my Dad considers this to be his favorite video game, and he barely plays video games at all. It is without a doubt one of the best classic Namco arcade games that they have ever released.

Game #77

For any major franchise, no matter what medium, there will always be a low point that it will hit. Whether the product could be considered absolutely awful and must be condemned for even thinking what it's doing could be successful, or it just isn't as influential, profitable, or likeable as others in comparison, that low point will show up eventually. And for Mega Man, that low point didn't take long to show up at all, and that can be seen early on with Mega Man on MS-DOS.

Sure, it may have been developed by one guy, and it is on a different platform, but I can't sugarcoat it, this game fucking SUCKS. It is without a doubt one of, if not THE worst game in the entire Mega Man franchise, even more so than Mega Man X6 or X7. And yeah, it may be impressive for a game made by one person, but who gives a shit, it still sucks.

The story is exactly what you would expect, the graphics are horrible, not just because of the color choices, but also the art style and sprites used in the game, there is no music whatsoever, but instead just dumb sound effects, the control is weird as hell, and it takes a while to get used to, and the gameplay is standard for Mega Man, but it is some of the worst gameplay classic Mega Man has to offer.

Once again, it is just your standard classic Mega Man game, but it is ruined by plenty of factors, such as Mega Man's huge sprite, enemies being way too short to where you can't hit them, annoying-ass platforming challenges and physics, lackluster powerups, and a lack of satisfaction to be found anywhere. If I can say one good thing about this game, and I mean the ONLY good thing, I would say that it is very short, so at least you won't have to put up with it for too long.

Overall, this is perhaps the worst Mega Man game ever made, and while I myself haven't played every single Mega Man game ever made, I feel pretty confident in my assertion.

Game #79