One of the few games I can say you beat with the power of cum.

This review was written before the game released

In this game you can trick a caricature of a mobster to stumble onto a railway, they'll spout "heyyyyyy, I'm walkin her-" and then immediately get run over by an oncoming train. This right here is peak gaming.

1 ANGRY-XXX-INSANE-HOOKER WHO JUST WANTS TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD

Ah yes, the joy of playing a whole series 16 years after it's last installment. You might say "heh what about Half Life: Alyx" well unless Gabe Newell wants to generously chuck a VR headset onto my box braided head, I might as well not entertain its existence (in all seriousness it will be the first thing I play whenever I get my hands on one). But to get back on track, I do feel the pain that many others felt in the years following Half Life: Episode 2. To have such great expansions from what was already a Steller sequel is a blast. Both introducing new enemies and mechanics, as well as playing around with the tools we've already seen in new and exciting ways. The final boss in the this game feels like a forest fires worth of problems, and it's thrilling trying to put all of them out in time. So to have all that and a cliff hanger that is less than chipper, it's kind of disheartening to not have a proper conclusion to the story. But who knows, Alyx looks great from what I've seen, and with the ever-increasing growth of technology we could one day see a proper follow up to this story. Let's just hope Freeman doesn't find himself in another statis void.

A beautiful fusion of horror's many fantastic hallmarks. The harsh shadows, spooky mansions, the Dutch angles (the fucking Dutch angles), and of course the MONSTERS!! Vampires, werewolves, goblins, and ghouls, this game has it all. With each chapter, these elements are doused with the fedoras, trench coats, and genocidal tendencies of noir films. Or as the game calls it, The Stranger.

Throughout the game, you play as a man named Stranger, a skilled marksman that holds a grudge. A government agent who would be racist if he wasn’t killing monsters all the time. He hates the supernatural and has made it a mission to exterminate them through Spookhouse, a government emplaced taskforce that was made to quell the supernatural forces of the world. As they put it “Who will protect the world from darkness, we will”. However, despite this goal, many of the spookhouse are monsters that joined the ranks to use their special abilities to fight against like forces. This is seen as a way of “betraying monster kind” but in cases like Svetlana the Dhampir (half-human/vampire) some seemingly only want to keep the peace between everyday society and this monstrous underbelly. On the other hand, the demon Moloch is a unique case, for his reasoning for joining the team is solely out of hatred for his very existence. Now, add a dude with a prejudice for the spooky, and a general disdain for social interaction, and you got yourself some very interesting dynamics between these characters. This is what makes Stranger as a character, like seeing him pout and cross his arms like a child because he was paired up with a dhampir. He also drops the funniest rebuttals that I can only describe as part of the “real time depression + alcoholism” category. Dude is constantly pissed and depressed about his situation, and it’s just great.

The stranger is a fun character to play throughout the game as well. Gameplay wise the main feature that differentiates Stranger from other survival horror protagonists is his dual-wielding pistols that can lock onto different enemies independent of each other. This makes for some sick shootouts where you can just bask in the cold and calculated precision of Stranger's aim, all while he just stands there not moving any more muscles than he has to. This is provided you turn on the auto-lock, but considering the movement and camera angles in this game, I’d strongly advise against it. On the topic of these hindrances, how about that camera? Well, it’s the game's greatest strength … as well as its greatest weakness. The cinematic positioning of fixed camera angles does wonders for setting the tone and genre for every chapter. The low-angle shot of Svetlana and Stranger walking toward the desolate medieval castle of a vampire lord comes to mind for me. And there are plenty more shots that are positioned just right to make every room in this game look artful. But for every great camera placement that enriches the beautiful horror noir atmosphere of the game, there is a honky tonk fucker peephole that’s been nudged into a crevice of door you just entered in from (and it ain’t facing room I’ll tell ya that). Supposedly, this 2nd outcome is called a “shot”. Dramatization aside, a good chunk of the angles you are given in a room can lead to some pretty cheap game overs. One of the leading causes of such is surprisingly enough, not monsters, but rather terrain itself. Yes, this game has platforming, and while it can be charmingly goofy in a tomb raider sort of way, it more often is stiff and cheap with its kills. This paired with a bad angle can lead to jumps that feel impossible after your 10th consecutive jump, fall, impalement by spike, and then reload cycle. But even with all the jank it causes, I can’t help but love Nocturne’s camera.

There’s been a push to make games cinematic in recent years. But to me, Nocturne (and many old-ass pc games like it) have a much more seamless and interesting implementation of cinematics well beyond where the camera is placed. Whether it be the set design, atmospheric fog, traps, and puzzles that fit the genre the chapter is in, the game usually takes steps to establish its setting whenever it can. And I think there are a lot of game devs who can learn from that. So uh, bring back those fixed angles! Preferable in a more accessible way than this!!

What can I say, it's just perfect. I'm glad I played through it properly this time.

You know a game is good when it morally incentives you into playing it again.

Could we like, change the cover for this game? Like seriously the American cover art is so fucking bad for a lot of these retro games.

"Come on Gordon, crank that thing" thank you Valve and the Half Life team for bringing this incredible piece of dialogue to life.

Ya think Breen's new host body would've had a bigger dick? Just a thought.

This review contains spoilers

Hitbaby

Gaming with the non-specific gendered homies.

Played this entire game just to confirm that: No Amy, you don't have dementia.

This review contains spoilers

Real ones stuck with the bad ending and then never played any of the series again.

This is a rating of the demo that is out for this game, not the full release because it is not out yet as of today. I quite like the ideas that are presented in this little hour-long demo for the game. The imagery that attempts to depict how sentient rodents and other small creatures would build a society in our world is fairly entertaining, and cute. But what I find even more interesting is how this game depicts humans and other carnivorous species as these larger-than-life gods, who exceed the small creatures understanding of the world. It portrayed in a sort of Lovecraftian sense, particularly for the hazmat suit human (referred to as the yellow god). I do however wish the game had more to do and look at besides the main storyline, because when I attempted to look around in the one hub world, it was incredibly lacking in anything to do besides one item, and some admittedly interesting and fun books in the library. This is likely due it still being developed, but I do think adding sidequests, or even varying different stores and characters akin to how the Paper Mario series would help greatly in fleshing out this world. Overall, good demo, would recommend.