Farmstink
2022
Love it when a game just goes out there, does its thing, and says, hey man, thanks for playing. You want some more of this? Sure, you could 100% it. It'll take a little time, but you could. You don't have to though, that's up to you. Haha alright man, talk to you later.
Cute game! You go around making your followers happy while occasionally delving into dungeons to hit things with weapons. The song that plays when you're in your cult area rules. Comat could use some more depth I guess. It's only a 10ish hour game though, and maybe 65% of that is spent fighting things. That's what, like 6.5 hours of fighting things? It feels good anyway, so by the time you're getting a little bored of hitting the X button, you're at the end. I'm sure there are some FREAKS out there who will 100% this game and won't like it as much. That's up to you though.
Cute game! You go around making your followers happy while occasionally delving into dungeons to hit things with weapons. The song that plays when you're in your cult area rules. Comat could use some more depth I guess. It's only a 10ish hour game though, and maybe 65% of that is spent fighting things. That's what, like 6.5 hours of fighting things? It feels good anyway, so by the time you're getting a little bored of hitting the X button, you're at the end. I'm sure there are some FREAKS out there who will 100% this game and won't like it as much. That's up to you though.
2022
Elden Ring found me at a transitory part of my life. The cultural shift to work from home due to the pandemic allowed me to purchase and move into my first house on March 30th, 2022. In the following weekends since that time, I've wandered through this house while performing some much needed updates, and the whole time I can't help but wonder what the story of this place is. The selling agent told me that the house was previously owned by a husband and wife who lived here with their four children.
There is not enough space in this house for four children. The upstairs has two bedrooms. One, I imagine, was used for the husband and wife. I am now using this bedroom as an office; it has a door. The other bedroom on is slightly larger, and is what I am using for my own bedroom. This room did NOT have a door. I've heard stories of parents who don't respect their childrens' privacy taking the doors off their bedrooms. I have to imagine the 4 children crammed into the room that now houses my queen sized bed grew up, generally, without any sort of privacy. Perhaps the door removal wasn't even malicious on the parents' part. It's totally possible that there wasn't ever enough room in the bedroom for a door and the necessary 4 beds.
Which makes me wonder why they didn't convert the large downstairs living room into a bedroom. You could even fit 2 bedrooms down there if you wanted to. Maybe some of the children did sleep down there. I'm not sure.
The owners left me a poorly written note about the light switches that control the outside lights. I've spent weeks trying to decipher the arcane method with which the previous owners turned off the LED floodlights; and, for the most part, I've failed. The guidance from the Elder owners left me feeling confused and lost.
The note, combined with the NRA stickers that were slapped on both the front AND rear doors of the house caused me to wonder whether lead could be present in the water. It's in a lab being tested right now.
All that to say, I've spend a lot of time thinking about the history of this place and how I'm going to change it.
Elden Ring feels like a game burdened by its history. How can you possibly create the next Dark Souls? We've seen something like this in the past. Little game (Dragon Age: Origins/Dark Souls) becomes something of a cult hit. It sells a LOT, but the sequels never quite live up to the original. Years go by, you make Mass Effect & Sekiro, some people like you, others don't. What the People really want though, is another of those Dark Souls games. But you can't just make Dark Souls 4.
So you make Dragon Age: Inquisition. You cram their face full of so much Dark Souls that they'll be satisfied for the next 25 years. You make the world so large, so densely packed with enemies and hidden dungeons and items and vistas and forts and other NOUNS that a player can easily spend over 100 hours exploring the digital landscape you've created.
But for what? What is gained by making the world so large? Dark Souls already had beautiful vistas, it had multitudes of memorable encounters, it had hidden dungeons and forts. It already had things! The quasi-open world nature of Dark Souls allowed for a game where encounters, either with enemies or with the environment, could be scripted. We all remember how to navigate the world of Dark Souls 1, and that's because it has intended, scripted pathways. How do you get from the depths in Dark Souls back to Fireline Shrine? There are a million ways, different paths, some hidden. It lights up the part of your brain that you use for navigation in such a novel way that even thinking about how to get from point A to point B is fun. In Elden Ring, you get on your horse.
That's my biggest issue with the game. When Elden Ring is Dark Souls, it's amazing. Scaling castles, hopping from roof to roof, uncovering shortcuts, challenging boss fights, fashionable clothes, it's all there. But where Dark Souls carefully guides you from moment to moment, vista to vista, combat to combat, Elden Ring meanders. It's a pacing problem. You'll spend 10 hours in a mega-dungeon (fun!), then 5 wandering around a giant snowfield on your horse while you mash LB and wait for a dragon to die (boring!). I'm just not sure what the Dark Souls formula gains from switching to an open world.
It's frustrating. You can see the good ideas they had (and I do like the game quite a bit), but I can't help but feel like so much of the changes FROM made were because they didn't want to make Dark Souls 4, but Elden Ring ends up feeling like Dark Souls 4 anyway. It feels like a half measure, taking the familiar mechanics from Dark Souls and slapping them into an open world. It's not as innovative as it could be; it's just More.
There's this sense I got while playing Elden Ring of being burdened by the past. The decisions made by those who came before you that weigh on your mind. The compulsion to wear their shoes, to try to understand who they were, what thoughts they had. How could you ever make the next Dark Souls?
And just where did all those kids sleep, anyway?
There is not enough space in this house for four children. The upstairs has two bedrooms. One, I imagine, was used for the husband and wife. I am now using this bedroom as an office; it has a door. The other bedroom on is slightly larger, and is what I am using for my own bedroom. This room did NOT have a door. I've heard stories of parents who don't respect their childrens' privacy taking the doors off their bedrooms. I have to imagine the 4 children crammed into the room that now houses my queen sized bed grew up, generally, without any sort of privacy. Perhaps the door removal wasn't even malicious on the parents' part. It's totally possible that there wasn't ever enough room in the bedroom for a door and the necessary 4 beds.
Which makes me wonder why they didn't convert the large downstairs living room into a bedroom. You could even fit 2 bedrooms down there if you wanted to. Maybe some of the children did sleep down there. I'm not sure.
The owners left me a poorly written note about the light switches that control the outside lights. I've spent weeks trying to decipher the arcane method with which the previous owners turned off the LED floodlights; and, for the most part, I've failed. The guidance from the Elder owners left me feeling confused and lost.
The note, combined with the NRA stickers that were slapped on both the front AND rear doors of the house caused me to wonder whether lead could be present in the water. It's in a lab being tested right now.
All that to say, I've spend a lot of time thinking about the history of this place and how I'm going to change it.
Elden Ring feels like a game burdened by its history. How can you possibly create the next Dark Souls? We've seen something like this in the past. Little game (Dragon Age: Origins/Dark Souls) becomes something of a cult hit. It sells a LOT, but the sequels never quite live up to the original. Years go by, you make Mass Effect & Sekiro, some people like you, others don't. What the People really want though, is another of those Dark Souls games. But you can't just make Dark Souls 4.
So you make Dragon Age: Inquisition. You cram their face full of so much Dark Souls that they'll be satisfied for the next 25 years. You make the world so large, so densely packed with enemies and hidden dungeons and items and vistas and forts and other NOUNS that a player can easily spend over 100 hours exploring the digital landscape you've created.
But for what? What is gained by making the world so large? Dark Souls already had beautiful vistas, it had multitudes of memorable encounters, it had hidden dungeons and forts. It already had things! The quasi-open world nature of Dark Souls allowed for a game where encounters, either with enemies or with the environment, could be scripted. We all remember how to navigate the world of Dark Souls 1, and that's because it has intended, scripted pathways. How do you get from the depths in Dark Souls back to Fireline Shrine? There are a million ways, different paths, some hidden. It lights up the part of your brain that you use for navigation in such a novel way that even thinking about how to get from point A to point B is fun. In Elden Ring, you get on your horse.
That's my biggest issue with the game. When Elden Ring is Dark Souls, it's amazing. Scaling castles, hopping from roof to roof, uncovering shortcuts, challenging boss fights, fashionable clothes, it's all there. But where Dark Souls carefully guides you from moment to moment, vista to vista, combat to combat, Elden Ring meanders. It's a pacing problem. You'll spend 10 hours in a mega-dungeon (fun!), then 5 wandering around a giant snowfield on your horse while you mash LB and wait for a dragon to die (boring!). I'm just not sure what the Dark Souls formula gains from switching to an open world.
It's frustrating. You can see the good ideas they had (and I do like the game quite a bit), but I can't help but feel like so much of the changes FROM made were because they didn't want to make Dark Souls 4, but Elden Ring ends up feeling like Dark Souls 4 anyway. It feels like a half measure, taking the familiar mechanics from Dark Souls and slapping them into an open world. It's not as innovative as it could be; it's just More.
There's this sense I got while playing Elden Ring of being burdened by the past. The decisions made by those who came before you that weigh on your mind. The compulsion to wear their shoes, to try to understand who they were, what thoughts they had. How could you ever make the next Dark Souls?
And just where did all those kids sleep, anyway?
2020
incredibly immature and not in the funny and charming way. just kind of bad. like a bad south park episode from 2005. the kid in your middle school math class who wore tapout shirts loved this game. i'd rather sit through borderlands cutscenes
gameplay is decent but you're consistently forced to interact with the writing in a way that's distracting and ruins the whole experience
gameplay is decent but you're consistently forced to interact with the writing in a way that's distracting and ruins the whole experience
2019
stop breaking my fucking mods
they put in steve from minecraft and made him the best character in the game lmao
2015
This review contains spoilers
Ok.
This is the start of me reviewing every game I've rated on here, so let's start with one that's deeply personal.
Life is Strange is a game about a bunch of French dudes sitting together in a writing room and making up dialogue for teenagers in Washington. In the game you walk around and talk to people. Sometimes you use your time travel powers. I mean, whatever, that stuff isn't super important.
Life is Strange made me want to be a better person. I had flashbacks to my first reading of the His Dark Materials books back when I was in middle school. In a lot of ways, the game made me feel oddly nostalgic. It reminded me of my teenage years, back when it felt like everything mattered and yet nothing bad could ever happen.
Life is Strange is a game about loving yourself. Accepting the consequences of your past actions without judgement, both mechanically and narratively. You can go back in time and change events, but to what extent? There's a cost to going back in time, to dwelling on what could have been, that eventually destroys a whole town/takes away your best friend.
At the start of Life is Strange, an old friend, now turned acquaintance, is murdered in front of you. Shortly after this, you gain the power to turn back time, which you use to save your friend's life. Over the course of the game, you learn a lot about this friend. She's lonely, she feels like you left her and betrayed her, her home life is terrible. She's a shit person, but the game never judges her for that. Over the course of the game, she matures and grows, becoming something of a role model. The climax ends with her accepting what has happened to her. She pleads with you to go back in time, back to the moment she was murdered. She asks you to watch and do nothing, let what has happened happen. Let her die an angry and confused person.
That was really hard.
Life is Strange teaches you to cherish what time we have with each other. To love, even when there doesn't seem to be a point, because sometimes that's what people need. Even if that person you love is yourself.
Or maybe I'm just looking too deep into this and it's really just a game about two weirdo teenage lesbians who say "hella" too much, idk.
This is the start of me reviewing every game I've rated on here, so let's start with one that's deeply personal.
Life is Strange is a game about a bunch of French dudes sitting together in a writing room and making up dialogue for teenagers in Washington. In the game you walk around and talk to people. Sometimes you use your time travel powers. I mean, whatever, that stuff isn't super important.
Life is Strange made me want to be a better person. I had flashbacks to my first reading of the His Dark Materials books back when I was in middle school. In a lot of ways, the game made me feel oddly nostalgic. It reminded me of my teenage years, back when it felt like everything mattered and yet nothing bad could ever happen.
Life is Strange is a game about loving yourself. Accepting the consequences of your past actions without judgement, both mechanically and narratively. You can go back in time and change events, but to what extent? There's a cost to going back in time, to dwelling on what could have been, that eventually destroys a whole town/takes away your best friend.
At the start of Life is Strange, an old friend, now turned acquaintance, is murdered in front of you. Shortly after this, you gain the power to turn back time, which you use to save your friend's life. Over the course of the game, you learn a lot about this friend. She's lonely, she feels like you left her and betrayed her, her home life is terrible. She's a shit person, but the game never judges her for that. Over the course of the game, she matures and grows, becoming something of a role model. The climax ends with her accepting what has happened to her. She pleads with you to go back in time, back to the moment she was murdered. She asks you to watch and do nothing, let what has happened happen. Let her die an angry and confused person.
That was really hard.
Life is Strange teaches you to cherish what time we have with each other. To love, even when there doesn't seem to be a point, because sometimes that's what people need. Even if that person you love is yourself.
Or maybe I'm just looking too deep into this and it's really just a game about two weirdo teenage lesbians who say "hella" too much, idk.
2020
son of a bitch they did it again
which one was this
2022
I had some expectations going into this game but I was still surprised by just how well put together everything was. It's unique and fun! The mechanics work, though sometimes I felt like they got a little in the way - they served more as distractions than actual gameplay. The Thing You Come Here For absolutely rules though. The broadcasts are consistently entertaining, propped up by some very solid acting. If you have any interest in playing this game, give it a shot - there's really nothing else like it.
2005
We Love Katamari has superior graphics as well as more detailed rolling and absorption physics effects than any other game with a ball in it. That's why it gets 5 stars - this game is a Premier Product. The Mazda 6 of sequels. The Mark Bellhorn of Incremental Rolling Simulators. If you're a fan of games like Cookie Clicker and The Last of Us, you owe it to yourself to play We Love Katamari.
2021
A pretty good One Of Those games. You know the ones. I usually don't like them that much, I didn't even think Hollow Knight was that great. Death's Door has one additional dimension, but still, it's One Of Those. Very pleasant to look at and listen to. Gameplay was solid and kept me engaged for its shorter run time (this is a good thing, it didn't overstay its welcome)(I played this game right after finishing Elden Ring, and oh boy, you want to talk about overstaying a welcome. I'll be a little sad to remove Death's Door off my hard drive. Maybe I'll keep it there for a couple of extra days so it knows how much I appreciated it. Not like I did with Elden Ring. No sir, I finished that game and pop, off the hard drive it went). Puzzles weren't quite there but then again I didn't engage much with the optional content. Does that really annoying thing that seems to be a genre staple where you have to backtrack and use the things you unlocked to get all the Good Stuff in previous areas. Well, I'm stronger now and I know how to fight all the dudes here, so that seems kind of boring. I would like to see more of the map if it's there, but not enough to repeat content. I think there's a world where Death's Door encourages exploration without necessitating backtracking and this game vibes with me more.
Also, please for the love of god if you want me to backtrack, include a map. I don't need to get relost in areas I was already lost in once.
Really can't overstate how much I enjoyed the crow btw. Wicked cute.
Also, please for the love of god if you want me to backtrack, include a map. I don't need to get relost in areas I was already lost in once.
Really can't overstate how much I enjoyed the crow btw. Wicked cute.
Shadow of the Colossus does Setting better than any other video game I've ever played.
The world is dark, dismal, and dystopian. The player is lost and confused, surrounded by, at times, non-sensical architecture. I still remember that aqueduct running to the desert. What happened to this world? How did it get so destroyed?
Those are questions that I never really got an answer to, and that's fine. The game invites you to create your own fiction, your own narrative. You want to search for answers, dig for clues, find out some shrivel of Truth. But you will never find it.
It reminds me a lot of Dark Souls, but it's not exactly an accurate comparison. The world of Dark Souls, with it's weird geography and architecture, is Explained. You have to dig, and read, but there are truths about the world that are certain. I'm not sure that's the case in Shadow of the Colossus. You are the Wonderer, a stranger, someone who doesn't belong here. You can't even begin to understand the history of this place or why it exists. The world is constantly telling you that you don't belong here.
It's such a fucking vibe.
And all that stuff ties into the gameplay and story too, in ways that are pretty apparent. I could spend more words saying why that is, but I think I'd rather just say that it all feels Realized.
I guess playing the game is good too, like climbing on the Colossi and riding your horse around was fun. I really liked looking at the Colossi, and solving the puzzle on how to defeat each one was enjoyable.
I never know how to end these things, so I guess I'll just sum up my thoughts: Shadow of the Colossus is pretty neat.
The world is dark, dismal, and dystopian. The player is lost and confused, surrounded by, at times, non-sensical architecture. I still remember that aqueduct running to the desert. What happened to this world? How did it get so destroyed?
Those are questions that I never really got an answer to, and that's fine. The game invites you to create your own fiction, your own narrative. You want to search for answers, dig for clues, find out some shrivel of Truth. But you will never find it.
It reminds me a lot of Dark Souls, but it's not exactly an accurate comparison. The world of Dark Souls, with it's weird geography and architecture, is Explained. You have to dig, and read, but there are truths about the world that are certain. I'm not sure that's the case in Shadow of the Colossus. You are the Wonderer, a stranger, someone who doesn't belong here. You can't even begin to understand the history of this place or why it exists. The world is constantly telling you that you don't belong here.
It's such a fucking vibe.
And all that stuff ties into the gameplay and story too, in ways that are pretty apparent. I could spend more words saying why that is, but I think I'd rather just say that it all feels Realized.
I guess playing the game is good too, like climbing on the Colossi and riding your horse around was fun. I really liked looking at the Colossi, and solving the puzzle on how to defeat each one was enjoyable.
I never know how to end these things, so I guess I'll just sum up my thoughts: Shadow of the Colossus is pretty neat.
I mean, look, ok, I'm not against the ideas of Westerns. I loved Deadwood, and Cibola Burn was my favorite book in The Expanse series, ok. I get it, they're all about slow pacing, fucking wide shots of landscape, immersion or whatever. That all works when it's passive media, but PLEASE do no expect me to entertain myself for 80 hours of your 160 hour game. I can look at the game while I'm playing, sure, but I'm just looking at the same thing over and over. Like literally the same thing. The pixels don't change, you know what I mean? I wish Rockstar would grow a pair and just make more cutscenes. No I don't want to have to pay attention to riding my horse while you also do exposition at me. I guess people like the writing in this game too? I don't know, I didn't care for it. How am I supposed to listen to people and ride my horse at the same time? Like sometimes they get far away from you and you can't exactly hear them, so now you're trying to read subtitles and ride your horse at the same time. Like, what? Just let me put the controller down, my hands hurt and I probably have carpal tunnel at 26 years old. You know, I think I really just don't like games that are about "systems". Why is there so much stuff going on? There are so many things you can do in RDR2. How much of that stuff do I have to do? None of it I guess, like none of this matters. No, I don't want to grind out hunting squirrels for a new wallet, or whatever. And yet, my lizard brain makes me feel bad when I see the check boxes for all the things I have to do, so of course I go out and hunt the squirrels like an idiot. Then I don't have fun and, oh god, is this the whole game? Is this what you do in RDR2? Do you really just ride your horse around while half paying attention to the story, then like, hunt wildlife for a check list, and sometimes shoot people? It's horrifying. Imagine if RDR2 was Half Life 2 instead, and it just told a story and didn't have this giant checklist of shit. Do people actually 100% these games? I'm sure some do, but I bet the vast vast majority of people don't. I bet most people don't even see the end because they get scared of the checklists and all the other shit. Like me. I bet like, people memorize all the stuff in this game. Like they know the best hunting spots, they know what towns sell what guns, they know how to craft things. I don't know those things, and I don't want to. Like how do you even craft things? I think you give stuff to the cook. But you're also supposed to donate to your camp? I was never really sure what that did. It's probably written somewhere. There's a lot of stuff written in this game. It's not very good, really. Like it's just not interesting. I think I got to the point where I unlocked weapon mods, saw another checklist of all of those, then uninstalled. You know what's strange, is like, you have your guns right? I don't know how that works. I don't understand the inventory for your guns. Where are they all? You have like 50 of them on your horse, but if you drop one during a mission it's gone forever, I think. Like I had a unique gun (I think it was unique), and then I dropped it because I couldn't find ammo for it, and I was like "oh, it'll be on my horse later", and then it wasn't? Ok, I guess I don't need the gun anyway. It doesn't matter. Death Stranding is a better western anyway.
2021
Mechanically Inscryption is a fun deck builder (even as someone who doesn't like deck building games!). But if you're reading this review on this website then you're at least vaguely aware that this game does Things. I like the story it's telling, but it wasn't super impactful. There are two big challenges with the story the game is trying to tell.
1) I got the game off of steam and it's pretty well regarded - I know it's not some random piece of shareware.
2) This game came out after Undertale and I have no idea how you tell a meta video game story in a post Undertale-world. I'd like to see something more ambitious and weird if you're going to go down that route.
All that being said, Inscryption at the very least is entertaining and doesn't overstay its welcome.
1) I got the game off of steam and it's pretty well regarded - I know it's not some random piece of shareware.
2) This game came out after Undertale and I have no idea how you tell a meta video game story in a post Undertale-world. I'd like to see something more ambitious and weird if you're going to go down that route.
All that being said, Inscryption at the very least is entertaining and doesn't overstay its welcome.
2022
Brotato combines the classic gameplay of cookie clickerlites (let's make a distinction here. Brotato is clearly not a cookie clickerlike as there is no out of game stat progression, although you DO unlock characters and items) with the novel idea of having real decision to make through your run. Yes, you run around and wait for your auto weapons to kill things for you. But, and this is huge, you also have to dodge things. Enemies have projectiles, they hurt you a lot, AND they can run into you (a mechanic those experienced with the genre will be familiar with). All this combines to make a game that pushes past AFK numbers go up idler into a game that commands your attention (author's note: I've fallen asleep at least twice while playing other games in this genre - so far I have not fallen asleep a single time in my 20 hours of Brotato). Vets of the genre are used to going AFK in the last 10 minutes of a run while everything around you dies. Such blatant disrespect for your enemies in BROTATO will earn you nothing but a swift death.
Combined with the much more advanced stat system and item decisions you have to make, Brotato leans closer to an amalgamation of Out of the Park Baseball 2019 and Risk of Rain 2 than it does other staples in its genre.
Combined with the much more advanced stat system and item decisions you have to make, Brotato leans closer to an amalgamation of Out of the Park Baseball 2019 and Risk of Rain 2 than it does other staples in its genre.