Hebi
This review contains spoilers
XENOBLADE CHRONICLES 3 IS A FAKE FRIEND
I've said it before and I'll say it again. JRPGs have a major problem with third acts. Like, catastrophically, tragically abysmal. I say tragically because there are so many good things going for it from the first cutscene.
Disclaimer: I will be comparing this game to other, more competent JRPGs.
GAMEPLAY
It's very much MMO-style gameplay, but with more action. I love the ability to make any character any class. It also has a nice amount of variety with the inclusion of Chain Attacks and Links.
On the Hard difficulty, I found that the game required me to strategize and fine-tune my party to overcome tough challenges. I like this. However, in most overworld battles you can basically sit back and turn off your brain. The only meaningful difference between Hard and Easy in the overworld is enemy health. So I eventually switched to Easy in the overworld just to get things moving along.
Final Fantasy XII boasts a similar system. It's not quite as flashy or anime, but it has far more depth and complexity. If you want, you can literally program your party with a series of prioritized "if--then" actions. Xenoblade 3 never teeters on that sort of depth and ends up feeling like all the combinations of classes, abilities, and skills are just visual input flavor.
Let's talk about boss fights now. So the gameplay overall turned out less strategic than I would have liked, but I still had a good amount of fun with it. Until boss fights. It is almost impossible to comprehend what the sweet Jesus is happening between the bombastic particle effects and party members screaming over each other. Do the climactic enemies have different moves and strategies required to approach? No. Every boss can essentially be approached the same way: the Tanks tank, the Healers heal, and the DPS does damage. Period. As for the attacks, I never knew what a single one did, was named, or what the tells were. And the fact that I didn't need to know ANY of this to beat ALL of them is clumsy design.
If you're going to shape combat to be MMO-adjacent, then match that with a similar boss philosophy. Make enemy attacks have big text and longer charge-up meters somewhere that's actually visible. Give me something interesting to do. I'm reminded of another Final Fantasy game: FFXIV. Give me summa dat "Oh shit, she's doing the thing--make sure we go to this side of the arena!" Or some "Okay, full defense for this big attack and then go all-out when they are on cooldown". All-in-all, it just kind of felt boring to whittle away at a gigantic health bar with the same approach every time.
Quick note--the final boss is awful. I cannot forgive it. You fight a health bar five times, four of which are just the same exact fight. The stage is absolute chaos and an eye-sore.
STORY/CHARACTERS
It's so similar to FFX. Z is Yu Yevon (naming your villains letters of the alphabet is dumb as hell). Off-seers are summoners. Etc.
It sucks big time because the opening act is great and the second act climax is honestly incredible and well-executed.
Immediately after this story beat is when everything falls apart. "Okay, now it's time to go confront the final bad guys". Except wait, now is the last chance to go around and do all the hero ascension quests, colony quests, and general exploration. The time difference for me between the protagonists saying "Okay let's end this thing" and me finishing up the "rest of the game" clocked in at around 60 hours. That is ATROCIOUS pacing. By the time I rejoined the story to the point of no return, I genuinely forgot what we were doing.
In terms of the main cast, it's weird. Eunie is brilliant. I love how aggressively Bri'ish she is and her voice actor KILLS IT. Lanz is a good boy. I like him well-enough. Taion is solid. He had a lot more potential but ended up being kind of dry with a lack of follow-through on his potential arc. Mio would have been dreadfully dull, but her ticking lifespan and voice actor (who also fucking kills it) saved her. Sena is a puppy dog, but I didn't see any visible growth despite having so much time dedicated to her arc. Noah is the protagonist. That is his defining personality trait so he's...fine. Which is really not great when it's your main character. He lacks personality, humor, or depth. He is a tool that drives the plot forward for the most part.
I love the heroes, however. I honestly would have preferred some combination of them as my main party. Camuravi, Fiona, Monica, Triton, Juniper...All of them have more personality in their little finger than Noah. If you're going to give me a band of misfit toys, then really fucking go for it!
I will say to the game's credit that the whole Colony thing, with its webs of relationships (EVERY npc has a name and a story to some extent) is an impossible feat that is pretty well-executed. It made me feel very connected to the world on an emotional level.
Which makes it all the worse when the third act absolutely shits the bed. I honestly don't have anything good to say about it. The final boss is hardly compelling after his "revelation". X and Y are just kind of shoe-horned in as easy mini-bosses. No climactic moments for them. N was already a lame character so I didn't give a hoot about him. The spectacle of the external battle with the mechs and colonies (Mass Effect 3 style) drew me in a bit, but then I just wished I was out there doing THAT instead. The whole thing with N and M needing to make the final sacrifice had "absolutely no impact". My brother and I literally screamed "What the fuck does it matter?! They're already dead!"
Then there's the final scene and the ship-ening. But that's more thematic, so let's talk about it.
THEMES
Overall, there are a lot of implied themes in this game that are great. Anti-capitalsim (overthrowing elite vampires which hold a monopoly of power and require the "little people" to be at constant war with each other in order for the vampires to exist), Anarchism (de-centralizing the government in favor of collectives that co-operate with each other peacefully), and Progress (a group of youngsters over-throwing ancient geezers who are "literally stopping the flow of time so that they can maintain power and not die").
Unfortunately, I feel these themes were kind of stumbled upon accidentally. The real main theme of Xenoblade 3 is twofold: cliche "take back your fate" shonen-ery, and--way more bizzare--"fucking".
See, the game immediately ships all of the main cast. The camera is constantly focused on them in pairs. It's lame. None of the forced couples have ANY chemistry, save maybe Lanz and Sena?
It's a similar problem I had with The Quarry. Why can't we just have some real great friendships? Eunie and Taion seem much better as unlikely best buds than lovers. The three times Eunie flirts with him are so forced. It would be far more novel to give us more moments between, let's say, Sena and Eunie. Or Noah and Taion. There are some moments of exploration between these characters, but everything ultimately boils down to the ships. AND THEY DON'T EVEN GIVE THESE RELATIONSHIPS SUBSTANTIAL EXPLORATION.
FINAL THOUGHTS
-The way the cast needs like fifteen scenes at the end where each of the characters says in less-than-elegant terms that they're ready to "take back their fate" is brutally stupid. Final Fantasy X achieves this with FAR more emotional payoff in TWO scenes--the final scene containing "literally two lines of dialogue".
-The economy is fucking busted. I had 2 million money by the end. Never needed to spend it on a single thing. What the hell is the point of having vendors if I find infinitely better equipment by simply playing the game?
-The world is big, but bland. The weird barrage of trinkets littering the map, the lack of variety in environments in a fantasy world, the dull gray pre-fab colonies. It all just feels kind of uninspired by the end.
-Having every sidequest be a series of fast-travels and "fight the thing to get the stuff" is painful. There are some particularly bad offenders.
-Having no way of telling the player where they can find specific ingredients/items, along with stingy drop rates is completely frustrating. It made one particularly bad simple fetch quest turn into a TWO HOUR SEARCH. I am NOT kidding.
-Every tragic death or sacrifice is reversed. Once again, I am NOT kidding. It's Kingdom Hearts syndrome. It kills all drama. It's baffling. What, would it be too sad for good guys to catch an L sometimes? Cowards.
The game took me 135 hours to beat. Better games which similarly boast massive playtimes elevate the stakes and pace out major events with mastery (Persona 5/The Witcher 3).
I can't totally hate Xenoblade 3 because the first half was so wonderful. Seriously. I was charmed by the first couple dozen hours of this game. I was having a ton of fun with the combat. The story was interesting enough to keep me hooked. And the characters were showing a lot of promise for growth.
Everything after the second half climax destroyed that. Woefully so. And much to my horror, they saved their worst for last.
In one of the final cutscenes, Nia (who I love dearly), pulls out a photo. The photo in question...is possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced in a video game. It shows the cast of Xenoblade 2 (a whoooooole other issue), but slightly older. It shows Rex standing proudly over his presumed three wives, all holding his babies. Fucking MORMON shit dude. In that moment I caught three vibes:
1) Nia got played dirty to the worst extent. Really? She--a super cool, independent, funny, "doesn't take shit from anyone", catgirl...decided to play third breeder for a boring shonen protag? Vile.
2) This is canon. It's in the game. The writers/devs really thought having three wives is like, an okay thing to put out there. And there's no take-backsies. It's real. This is the canonical fate of these poor, wretched creatures. Vile.
3) This is going to get heavy. And really gross. But that's just what it is. But there is a strong pedophilic undertone in Xenoblade 2 that is confirmed in this photo. Rex is 15 when he meets Pyra, Mythra, and Nia. There is sexual tension between all of them throughout the game. The three women are all adults, literally hundreds of years old at that. Sure, it looks like Rex is an adult by the time they start churning out is progeny. But there are still implications here that make me very skep. Vile.
The only thing I regret about Xenoblade Chronicles 3 is that I didn't purchase a physical copy that I could trade-in to Gamestop for a better game.
At least it has Eunie.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. JRPGs have a major problem with third acts. Like, catastrophically, tragically abysmal. I say tragically because there are so many good things going for it from the first cutscene.
Disclaimer: I will be comparing this game to other, more competent JRPGs.
GAMEPLAY
It's very much MMO-style gameplay, but with more action. I love the ability to make any character any class. It also has a nice amount of variety with the inclusion of Chain Attacks and Links.
On the Hard difficulty, I found that the game required me to strategize and fine-tune my party to overcome tough challenges. I like this. However, in most overworld battles you can basically sit back and turn off your brain. The only meaningful difference between Hard and Easy in the overworld is enemy health. So I eventually switched to Easy in the overworld just to get things moving along.
Final Fantasy XII boasts a similar system. It's not quite as flashy or anime, but it has far more depth and complexity. If you want, you can literally program your party with a series of prioritized "if--then" actions. Xenoblade 3 never teeters on that sort of depth and ends up feeling like all the combinations of classes, abilities, and skills are just visual input flavor.
Let's talk about boss fights now. So the gameplay overall turned out less strategic than I would have liked, but I still had a good amount of fun with it. Until boss fights. It is almost impossible to comprehend what the sweet Jesus is happening between the bombastic particle effects and party members screaming over each other. Do the climactic enemies have different moves and strategies required to approach? No. Every boss can essentially be approached the same way: the Tanks tank, the Healers heal, and the DPS does damage. Period. As for the attacks, I never knew what a single one did, was named, or what the tells were. And the fact that I didn't need to know ANY of this to beat ALL of them is clumsy design.
If you're going to shape combat to be MMO-adjacent, then match that with a similar boss philosophy. Make enemy attacks have big text and longer charge-up meters somewhere that's actually visible. Give me something interesting to do. I'm reminded of another Final Fantasy game: FFXIV. Give me summa dat "Oh shit, she's doing the thing--make sure we go to this side of the arena!" Or some "Okay, full defense for this big attack and then go all-out when they are on cooldown". All-in-all, it just kind of felt boring to whittle away at a gigantic health bar with the same approach every time.
Quick note--the final boss is awful. I cannot forgive it. You fight a health bar five times, four of which are just the same exact fight. The stage is absolute chaos and an eye-sore.
STORY/CHARACTERS
It's so similar to FFX. Z is Yu Yevon (naming your villains letters of the alphabet is dumb as hell). Off-seers are summoners. Etc.
It sucks big time because the opening act is great and the second act climax is honestly incredible and well-executed.
Immediately after this story beat is when everything falls apart. "Okay, now it's time to go confront the final bad guys". Except wait, now is the last chance to go around and do all the hero ascension quests, colony quests, and general exploration. The time difference for me between the protagonists saying "Okay let's end this thing" and me finishing up the "rest of the game" clocked in at around 60 hours. That is ATROCIOUS pacing. By the time I rejoined the story to the point of no return, I genuinely forgot what we were doing.
In terms of the main cast, it's weird. Eunie is brilliant. I love how aggressively Bri'ish she is and her voice actor KILLS IT. Lanz is a good boy. I like him well-enough. Taion is solid. He had a lot more potential but ended up being kind of dry with a lack of follow-through on his potential arc. Mio would have been dreadfully dull, but her ticking lifespan and voice actor (who also fucking kills it) saved her. Sena is a puppy dog, but I didn't see any visible growth despite having so much time dedicated to her arc. Noah is the protagonist. That is his defining personality trait so he's...fine. Which is really not great when it's your main character. He lacks personality, humor, or depth. He is a tool that drives the plot forward for the most part.
I love the heroes, however. I honestly would have preferred some combination of them as my main party. Camuravi, Fiona, Monica, Triton, Juniper...All of them have more personality in their little finger than Noah. If you're going to give me a band of misfit toys, then really fucking go for it!
I will say to the game's credit that the whole Colony thing, with its webs of relationships (EVERY npc has a name and a story to some extent) is an impossible feat that is pretty well-executed. It made me feel very connected to the world on an emotional level.
Which makes it all the worse when the third act absolutely shits the bed. I honestly don't have anything good to say about it. The final boss is hardly compelling after his "revelation". X and Y are just kind of shoe-horned in as easy mini-bosses. No climactic moments for them. N was already a lame character so I didn't give a hoot about him. The spectacle of the external battle with the mechs and colonies (Mass Effect 3 style) drew me in a bit, but then I just wished I was out there doing THAT instead. The whole thing with N and M needing to make the final sacrifice had "absolutely no impact". My brother and I literally screamed "What the fuck does it matter?! They're already dead!"
Then there's the final scene and the ship-ening. But that's more thematic, so let's talk about it.
THEMES
Overall, there are a lot of implied themes in this game that are great. Anti-capitalsim (overthrowing elite vampires which hold a monopoly of power and require the "little people" to be at constant war with each other in order for the vampires to exist), Anarchism (de-centralizing the government in favor of collectives that co-operate with each other peacefully), and Progress (a group of youngsters over-throwing ancient geezers who are "literally stopping the flow of time so that they can maintain power and not die").
Unfortunately, I feel these themes were kind of stumbled upon accidentally. The real main theme of Xenoblade 3 is twofold: cliche "take back your fate" shonen-ery, and--way more bizzare--"fucking".
See, the game immediately ships all of the main cast. The camera is constantly focused on them in pairs. It's lame. None of the forced couples have ANY chemistry, save maybe Lanz and Sena?
It's a similar problem I had with The Quarry. Why can't we just have some real great friendships? Eunie and Taion seem much better as unlikely best buds than lovers. The three times Eunie flirts with him are so forced. It would be far more novel to give us more moments between, let's say, Sena and Eunie. Or Noah and Taion. There are some moments of exploration between these characters, but everything ultimately boils down to the ships. AND THEY DON'T EVEN GIVE THESE RELATIONSHIPS SUBSTANTIAL EXPLORATION.
FINAL THOUGHTS
-The way the cast needs like fifteen scenes at the end where each of the characters says in less-than-elegant terms that they're ready to "take back their fate" is brutally stupid. Final Fantasy X achieves this with FAR more emotional payoff in TWO scenes--the final scene containing "literally two lines of dialogue".
-The economy is fucking busted. I had 2 million money by the end. Never needed to spend it on a single thing. What the hell is the point of having vendors if I find infinitely better equipment by simply playing the game?
-The world is big, but bland. The weird barrage of trinkets littering the map, the lack of variety in environments in a fantasy world, the dull gray pre-fab colonies. It all just feels kind of uninspired by the end.
-Having every sidequest be a series of fast-travels and "fight the thing to get the stuff" is painful. There are some particularly bad offenders.
-Having no way of telling the player where they can find specific ingredients/items, along with stingy drop rates is completely frustrating. It made one particularly bad simple fetch quest turn into a TWO HOUR SEARCH. I am NOT kidding.
-Every tragic death or sacrifice is reversed. Once again, I am NOT kidding. It's Kingdom Hearts syndrome. It kills all drama. It's baffling. What, would it be too sad for good guys to catch an L sometimes? Cowards.
The game took me 135 hours to beat. Better games which similarly boast massive playtimes elevate the stakes and pace out major events with mastery (Persona 5/The Witcher 3).
I can't totally hate Xenoblade 3 because the first half was so wonderful. Seriously. I was charmed by the first couple dozen hours of this game. I was having a ton of fun with the combat. The story was interesting enough to keep me hooked. And the characters were showing a lot of promise for growth.
Everything after the second half climax destroyed that. Woefully so. And much to my horror, they saved their worst for last.
In one of the final cutscenes, Nia (who I love dearly), pulls out a photo. The photo in question...is possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced in a video game. It shows the cast of Xenoblade 2 (a whoooooole other issue), but slightly older. It shows Rex standing proudly over his presumed three wives, all holding his babies. Fucking MORMON shit dude. In that moment I caught three vibes:
1) Nia got played dirty to the worst extent. Really? She--a super cool, independent, funny, "doesn't take shit from anyone", catgirl...decided to play third breeder for a boring shonen protag? Vile.
2) This is canon. It's in the game. The writers/devs really thought having three wives is like, an okay thing to put out there. And there's no take-backsies. It's real. This is the canonical fate of these poor, wretched creatures. Vile.
3) This is going to get heavy. And really gross. But that's just what it is. But there is a strong pedophilic undertone in Xenoblade 2 that is confirmed in this photo. Rex is 15 when he meets Pyra, Mythra, and Nia. There is sexual tension between all of them throughout the game. The three women are all adults, literally hundreds of years old at that. Sure, it looks like Rex is an adult by the time they start churning out is progeny. But there are still implications here that make me very skep. Vile.
The only thing I regret about Xenoblade Chronicles 3 is that I didn't purchase a physical copy that I could trade-in to Gamestop for a better game.
At least it has Eunie.
2023
This review contains spoilers
FINAL FANTASY XVI IS ANOTHER NAIL IN THE COFFIN FOR THE FRANCHISE (PLEASE JUST LET IT DIE ALREADY)
Maybe this is what we deserve. Americans have been butchering Japanese culture in video games for decades--albeit mostly with good intentions. Final Fantasy XVI is Japan's rebuttal. Every "western" piece of media it attempts to "emulate" is a hackneyed, bastardized, K-Mart brand version. There is an unsettling irony when you rip so much from Game of Thrones while simultaneously missing the literal one thing that made Game of Thrones enjoyable (subverting generic fantasy tropes). In fact, Final Fantasy XVI goes out of its way to play "into" every single generic fantasy trope.
In my Life is Strange review, I mentioned how I think it can be perfectly fine (and even sometimes really good) to openly reference the media your story is inspired by. Life is Strange does this earnestly by wearing its influences on its sleeve. It's also taking inspiration from pieces of media that are mostly enjoyed by cult followings. Game of Thrones and The Witcher 3 are not "cult following" status. I think that is a meaningful distinction. And FFXVI feels much more like its just straight up plagiarizing from media like The Witcher 3 and Game of Thrones.
These are the GoT characters in FFXVI: Jon Snow, Cersei Lannister, Robyn Arryn, Ned Stark, Renly Baratheon, Gregor Clegane, Hodor, the Night King, Osha, Bran Stark, and Ghost. And I am definitely forgetting more.
Gameplay: It's Devil May Cry but bland. I don't mind square mashing, I love Kingdom Hearts. And the animations are pretty. But there is a severe lack of texture and depth to the ways enemies engage you. FF XVI is yet again living in the shadow of something it wants so very badly to be. The Kaiju battles are really great looking from a cinematic perspective. But it's so easy. I played until the final act and did not die a single time on the hardest difficulty the game offers at the beginning (action focused). Honestly the most joy I got from any of the battles was seeing the boss-move homages to Final Fantasy XIV (yet another derivative element).
Music: This...I don't even know what to say. I think it speaks volumes that Masayoshi Soken was unable to create a single inspired piece for this entire 40+ hour FINAL FANTASY GAME. There are no interesting motifs or themes. The movements are stale and dry. Typical 'action fantasy' gray dust. I'm just absolutely floored. This is the very first time a mainline Final Fantasy game has what I genuinely would call a "bad OST". Final Fantasy XV may have a dreadful fridging moment with Lady Lunafreya, but GOD DAMN Shimomura's piece in that sequence is gorgeous.
The characters are the most uninspired characters in any Final Fantasy game. Easily. I'm glad Clive at least has a heart of gold, because otherwise he broods, scowls, and says nothing meaningful when talking about wanting to free the world (which is a fucking lot). Much like Clive, the rest of the cast lacks the charm and depth of all prior Final Fantasy games. Yes, even XIII and XV.
Well, Cid is pretty good due ABSOLUTELY ENTIRELY to his VA, Ralph Insen (he is literally always good). Until they kill him off so that Clive can have an "arc".
The representation of female characters is particularly egregious. They get nude scenes for no other reason than to "shock" or pander to the male demographic of their players (come on gang, it's been 12 years since the first season of GoT). Jill is a pile of corn that has one moment in the spotlight. Otherwise, whenever things get heated, she is overshadowed by every other character's fighting prowess (including the dog) because she...gets tired and weak. I am not kidding. Another note (and I feel kind of weird for pointing this out), but it's unsettling that many of the female characters look vaguely Japanese. This is not true for the male characters. Seems like an insidious design choice based on marketing. I thought the creators said they were going for "realism"?
Well, they really did say that in a past interview. They mentioned that this dedication to "realism" meant a lack of ethnic diversity in a fantasy game was necessary. Well, that's a bit STRANGE for a few reasons. Firstly, for the aforementioned example of female characters having the plausible deniability of looking pretty East Asian. Secondly--Hey, I thought this was inspired by Game of Thrones? Did they miss everything in Essos and Dorne? Thirdly, supposedly grizzled battle veterans and Kings-guard have K-Pop hair and look clean enough to be in GQ (which, good for them). And FOURTHLY: There is a literal proxy for Persia in the game. And yet most of them, including their major war-guy, are white. This is nonsense.This is lazy, and a completely ahistorical understanding of basically anything having to do with Europe.
Tack all of this anti-creativity sludge onto a very rote fantasy setting. A total absence of party members with strategic input. A forgettable (albeit excellently visually designed) villain. A dedication to convenient plot devices to create "tension" (the Dominant for Bahamut just kind of turns evil because a kid points at him). Etc.
I am being 100% genuine when I say that this is truly the worst Final Fantasy game. XIII has a better cast and an iconic protagonist. XV has the Chocobros (who have their charms) and a much more compelling villain. You can have all of the sick-looking Kaiju battles in the world and it wouldn't make up for the absence of foundational elements which made up the great Final Fantasy games of long-past: a compelling narrative, a cast of unique and charming characters, novel RPG mechanics, iconic villains with humanity, etc.
And fuck it dude, I'm saying it: the extreme versions of boss battles in Final Fantasy XIV (Shiva, the Knights of the Round, and the Oracle of Darkness to name but a few) are more exciting, tense, and memorable than the one thing that made FFXVI "unique".
Maybe this is what we deserve. Americans have been butchering Japanese culture in video games for decades--albeit mostly with good intentions. Final Fantasy XVI is Japan's rebuttal. Every "western" piece of media it attempts to "emulate" is a hackneyed, bastardized, K-Mart brand version. There is an unsettling irony when you rip so much from Game of Thrones while simultaneously missing the literal one thing that made Game of Thrones enjoyable (subverting generic fantasy tropes). In fact, Final Fantasy XVI goes out of its way to play "into" every single generic fantasy trope.
In my Life is Strange review, I mentioned how I think it can be perfectly fine (and even sometimes really good) to openly reference the media your story is inspired by. Life is Strange does this earnestly by wearing its influences on its sleeve. It's also taking inspiration from pieces of media that are mostly enjoyed by cult followings. Game of Thrones and The Witcher 3 are not "cult following" status. I think that is a meaningful distinction. And FFXVI feels much more like its just straight up plagiarizing from media like The Witcher 3 and Game of Thrones.
These are the GoT characters in FFXVI: Jon Snow, Cersei Lannister, Robyn Arryn, Ned Stark, Renly Baratheon, Gregor Clegane, Hodor, the Night King, Osha, Bran Stark, and Ghost. And I am definitely forgetting more.
Gameplay: It's Devil May Cry but bland. I don't mind square mashing, I love Kingdom Hearts. And the animations are pretty. But there is a severe lack of texture and depth to the ways enemies engage you. FF XVI is yet again living in the shadow of something it wants so very badly to be. The Kaiju battles are really great looking from a cinematic perspective. But it's so easy. I played until the final act and did not die a single time on the hardest difficulty the game offers at the beginning (action focused). Honestly the most joy I got from any of the battles was seeing the boss-move homages to Final Fantasy XIV (yet another derivative element).
Music: This...I don't even know what to say. I think it speaks volumes that Masayoshi Soken was unable to create a single inspired piece for this entire 40+ hour FINAL FANTASY GAME. There are no interesting motifs or themes. The movements are stale and dry. Typical 'action fantasy' gray dust. I'm just absolutely floored. This is the very first time a mainline Final Fantasy game has what I genuinely would call a "bad OST". Final Fantasy XV may have a dreadful fridging moment with Lady Lunafreya, but GOD DAMN Shimomura's piece in that sequence is gorgeous.
The characters are the most uninspired characters in any Final Fantasy game. Easily. I'm glad Clive at least has a heart of gold, because otherwise he broods, scowls, and says nothing meaningful when talking about wanting to free the world (which is a fucking lot). Much like Clive, the rest of the cast lacks the charm and depth of all prior Final Fantasy games. Yes, even XIII and XV.
Well, Cid is pretty good due ABSOLUTELY ENTIRELY to his VA, Ralph Insen (he is literally always good). Until they kill him off so that Clive can have an "arc".
The representation of female characters is particularly egregious. They get nude scenes for no other reason than to "shock" or pander to the male demographic of their players (come on gang, it's been 12 years since the first season of GoT). Jill is a pile of corn that has one moment in the spotlight. Otherwise, whenever things get heated, she is overshadowed by every other character's fighting prowess (including the dog) because she...gets tired and weak. I am not kidding. Another note (and I feel kind of weird for pointing this out), but it's unsettling that many of the female characters look vaguely Japanese. This is not true for the male characters. Seems like an insidious design choice based on marketing. I thought the creators said they were going for "realism"?
Well, they really did say that in a past interview. They mentioned that this dedication to "realism" meant a lack of ethnic diversity in a fantasy game was necessary. Well, that's a bit STRANGE for a few reasons. Firstly, for the aforementioned example of female characters having the plausible deniability of looking pretty East Asian. Secondly--Hey, I thought this was inspired by Game of Thrones? Did they miss everything in Essos and Dorne? Thirdly, supposedly grizzled battle veterans and Kings-guard have K-Pop hair and look clean enough to be in GQ (which, good for them). And FOURTHLY: There is a literal proxy for Persia in the game. And yet most of them, including their major war-guy, are white. This is nonsense.This is lazy, and a completely ahistorical understanding of basically anything having to do with Europe.
Tack all of this anti-creativity sludge onto a very rote fantasy setting. A total absence of party members with strategic input. A forgettable (albeit excellently visually designed) villain. A dedication to convenient plot devices to create "tension" (the Dominant for Bahamut just kind of turns evil because a kid points at him). Etc.
I am being 100% genuine when I say that this is truly the worst Final Fantasy game. XIII has a better cast and an iconic protagonist. XV has the Chocobros (who have their charms) and a much more compelling villain. You can have all of the sick-looking Kaiju battles in the world and it wouldn't make up for the absence of foundational elements which made up the great Final Fantasy games of long-past: a compelling narrative, a cast of unique and charming characters, novel RPG mechanics, iconic villains with humanity, etc.
And fuck it dude, I'm saying it: the extreme versions of boss battles in Final Fantasy XIV (Shiva, the Knights of the Round, and the Oracle of Darkness to name but a few) are more exciting, tense, and memorable than the one thing that made FFXVI "unique".
2023
LIES OF P : THIS IS WHAT P LIED FOR
Lies of P did not take the world by storm in 2023. Lies of P does border on plagiarism with the games it plunders (Bloodborne and Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice). Lies of P also has dog enemies.
But it's still a hell of a game.
Honestly, it took me by complete surprise. I remember playing the demo and thinking, "Wow they literally just copy/pasted 90% of Bloodborne and Sekiro gameplay even down to the UI and the "Pretty Lady That Levels You Up". Except this time she's blue! Y'know...like the blue fairy! Except wait. Hold on. Why is she absolutely the best of these "level-up ladies" from any of the "Soulsborne" games (minus Emerald Herald)?
Look, I understand there are a lot of folks who think it's in poor taste to overly compare Lies of P with the "Soulsborne" games. And trust me, Lies of P certainly has its own identity in many ways. But the developers did this to themselves. It's not my fault I'm about to literally just compare them when they literally made a 90% FromSoftware game. So let's just get this out of the way.
THE TRUTHS
-Lies of P is a different style of storytelling. It's more direct, with more cutscenes and much more NPC interaction. But it still asks you to kindly consider its item descriptions and collectible journal-type things. And I've got to say...the NPCs are comparable...or honestly maybe even more engaging than in FromSoftware games. Again, it's totally different, but I grew much more attached to and was more compelled by characters like Red Fox/Black Cat, Sophia, and Alidoro (to name a few). Yes, the FromSoftware games have their heavy hitters...but there was something really nice about really being able to communicate with these NPCs. It felt more HUMAN (more on that in a bit). And it was genuinely pretty refreshing for most of them to not have overly-anime backgrounds and arcs. They feel like real people.
-Lies of P cannot transcend the Trick Weapons of Bloodborne. But the ability to deconstruct your weapons and put handles on different blades is novel and a joy to play around with. They also give you a...mechanical arm (Sekiro Prosthetic Arm) that has unique abilities which also encourages experimenting with your style of combat. Overall, you can make a lot of fun builds in this game. Lies of P is a very, very naughty boy though in how it directly steals BOTH the rally and stance systems from Bloodborne and Sekiro, respectively. That being said...it's actually executed pretty damn well. It demands you at least be competent with both mechanics enough to know when one style might be a better option for certain enemies and bosses. In fact, I would go as far to say it absolutely clears Elden Ring in this regard (having multiple viable styles of mechanical gameplay).
-The boss DESIGNS are incredible. They certainly have that Berserk/Dark Souls maximalist philosophy (no "just a big red salamander" here), and this includes the various humanoid furries (Stalkers) you fight along the way. But how are they? Well, mostly pretty fun. I would say it comes close to rivaling Bloodborne at times. But other times it takes bad inspiration from Elden Ring with relentless enemies that have unlimited stamina and unjustifiably hit like a freight train. But the real issue is that WAY TOO MANY of them have second phases with a new, full health bar. And that's annoying. I have never "loved" this approach to bosses, but it can work out incredibly well when used sparingly for the best designed fights. Think Sword Saint Isshin and Sister Friede. But despite there being too many multiphase fights, I overall found the bosses to be pretty thrilling and fun. As a little final note...the Black Rabbit Brotherhood is a top 3 gank fight for sure. Excellently designed!
-Krat is no Yharnam. But it's definitely better than Lothric (minus Irithyll). The level designs are pretty wonderful visually and offer a pretty good amount of variety that kept me interested in what the next level would treat me to. An opera house, the seedy slums, a puppet factory, a literal landfill...none of the levels dropped below average which is pretty amazing. That being said, they lack the intricate geometry, enemy placement, and hazards of FromSoftware titles. But dear reader...I think that Krat Hotel may be my favorite hub, only rivaled by Majula. Seriously, the ambiance, the look, the NPCs, THE FUCKING MUSIC. Oh my god, the records you collect for the player at your base are unbelievably good. "Quixotic" and "Feel" are officially on my Spotify rotation. Absolutely gorgeous pieces of music.
-Rapid fire truths: the music in general slaps so hard. P as a protagonist is pretty compelling and I even dare say, more engaging on an emotional level than Wolf from Sekiro. There are a healthy amount of fun puzzles along the way (think treasure maps and riddles). I love Gemini--it's really nice to have a lil buddy to keep you company is this dreary, lonesome world. And the drip game is solid.
THE LIES
-Lies of P has "okay" enemy variety. There's definitely more on the puppet side of things. But the cadavers really blend in together, especially the big brutes. There's more to be desired here.
-The "Lie" mechanic is an interesting concept that isn't fully realized. Throughout the game you are given dialogue choices essentially to either lie or tell the truth. From(soft) what I've seen, there don't seem to be many varying outcomes depending on which you pick, with a few exceptions. In fact, in many instances the rewards are even the same.
-While it isn't that far off...Lies of P really just doesn't have the same gamefeel of "Soulsborne" games. Particularly the two it's taking so much from. There's a noticeable lack of tactile motion--P skates along the ground a bit, his feet not quite connecting with the ground as his animations are faster than the amount of ground he's covering. And man there's a big lack of physics in clothing and fabric. Bloodborne really spoiled us in that regard and Lies of P's various wardrobe options seem to stiffly fall behind P like he just got done drying them in the freezer.
-Oh boy. And here it is: the last level is a fucking SLOG. It's far too long, especially because the visual elements are perhaps the most generic and underwhelming when compared to literally every other level. I grew so tired of the same enemies being shoved at me over and over again that I ended up just running past them and skipping an entire section. Every time I got to a new Stargazer (bonfire), I thought "Surely that was it, right?" Meanwhile little did naive me know that I was only halfway through.
Not only this, but a VERY sour taste was poured down my throat when I reached the end of one of my favorite NPC's arcs. But the final outcome-determining factor that would either lead to me murdering them or them getting to leave and try to have a better life came down to this: a currency I very rarely collected because I had little use for it. When I spoke to this NPC...I had zero in my pockets. I ended up having to kill two of my favorite NPCs, thus getting their VERY BAD ending because I didn't happen to have a specific currency item with me right there on the spot. This put me in an even more bad mood than I already was.
Etcetera, etcetera...and then the end finally came. And by golly...I had a reverse Elden Ring experience. Despite absolutely loathing this final mission, I finished the game really happy. The final boss even kind of sucked! How can this be? Well, allow me to explain. The thing that gives Lies of P its own identity was something I alluded to earlier. Its story.
Upon watching the reveal trailer for this game, I mocked it. "A Pinocchio inspired Bloodborne? What the absolute fuck were these freaks thinking?" Well I'm happy to say they really nailed it. There may be some silly plot points, a not-so-great big bad, and unnecessary loose ends. But holy shit this is absolutely a gold standard example of taking a previously existing thing and adapting it into something wholly unique that simultaneously sticks to the source material. I won't go into spoilers but the side stories of the Blue Fairy, the Fox and the Black Cat, and Geppetto himself are not only captivating, emotional, and fit perfectly into this little world of Krat..but they also fulfill the identical plots of these characters from the original story in very creative and novel ways. It also sticks the themes very well in regard to humanity and lies. I know that the lying system wasn't perfectly executed, but it was really interesting how the lies you tell to become more human were multi-faceted. Lying is not always the "bad option". Sometimes the lie is for self-preservation. Sometimes the lie is to help someone you care about realize something about themselves. Sometimes the lie is to protect that someone from a truth that would only serve to bring them pain.
Lies of P is a human story. The people feel grounded in this reality, and I genuinely cared about them and how their stories were going to unravel. The message is not exactly revolutionary and sometimes used less than elegant visual metaphor. But it's really cool to see the narrative designers really dedicate themselves to a theme and really explore it in a way that aligns with the gameplay.
So yeah, while the last level is total of BS aside from a couple cool bosses and storylines, I ended feeling really satisfied and even emotional. And that, to me, makes Lies of P one of those games that provides an experience you can only have in a video game
Lies of P did not take the world by storm in 2023. Lies of P does border on plagiarism with the games it plunders (Bloodborne and Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice). Lies of P also has dog enemies.
But it's still a hell of a game.
Honestly, it took me by complete surprise. I remember playing the demo and thinking, "Wow they literally just copy/pasted 90% of Bloodborne and Sekiro gameplay even down to the UI and the "Pretty Lady That Levels You Up". Except this time she's blue! Y'know...like the blue fairy! Except wait. Hold on. Why is she absolutely the best of these "level-up ladies" from any of the "Soulsborne" games (minus Emerald Herald)?
Look, I understand there are a lot of folks who think it's in poor taste to overly compare Lies of P with the "Soulsborne" games. And trust me, Lies of P certainly has its own identity in many ways. But the developers did this to themselves. It's not my fault I'm about to literally just compare them when they literally made a 90% FromSoftware game. So let's just get this out of the way.
THE TRUTHS
-Lies of P is a different style of storytelling. It's more direct, with more cutscenes and much more NPC interaction. But it still asks you to kindly consider its item descriptions and collectible journal-type things. And I've got to say...the NPCs are comparable...or honestly maybe even more engaging than in FromSoftware games. Again, it's totally different, but I grew much more attached to and was more compelled by characters like Red Fox/Black Cat, Sophia, and Alidoro (to name a few). Yes, the FromSoftware games have their heavy hitters...but there was something really nice about really being able to communicate with these NPCs. It felt more HUMAN (more on that in a bit). And it was genuinely pretty refreshing for most of them to not have overly-anime backgrounds and arcs. They feel like real people.
-Lies of P cannot transcend the Trick Weapons of Bloodborne. But the ability to deconstruct your weapons and put handles on different blades is novel and a joy to play around with. They also give you a...mechanical arm (Sekiro Prosthetic Arm) that has unique abilities which also encourages experimenting with your style of combat. Overall, you can make a lot of fun builds in this game. Lies of P is a very, very naughty boy though in how it directly steals BOTH the rally and stance systems from Bloodborne and Sekiro, respectively. That being said...it's actually executed pretty damn well. It demands you at least be competent with both mechanics enough to know when one style might be a better option for certain enemies and bosses. In fact, I would go as far to say it absolutely clears Elden Ring in this regard (having multiple viable styles of mechanical gameplay).
-The boss DESIGNS are incredible. They certainly have that Berserk/Dark Souls maximalist philosophy (no "just a big red salamander" here), and this includes the various humanoid furries (Stalkers) you fight along the way. But how are they? Well, mostly pretty fun. I would say it comes close to rivaling Bloodborne at times. But other times it takes bad inspiration from Elden Ring with relentless enemies that have unlimited stamina and unjustifiably hit like a freight train. But the real issue is that WAY TOO MANY of them have second phases with a new, full health bar. And that's annoying. I have never "loved" this approach to bosses, but it can work out incredibly well when used sparingly for the best designed fights. Think Sword Saint Isshin and Sister Friede. But despite there being too many multiphase fights, I overall found the bosses to be pretty thrilling and fun. As a little final note...the Black Rabbit Brotherhood is a top 3 gank fight for sure. Excellently designed!
-Krat is no Yharnam. But it's definitely better than Lothric (minus Irithyll). The level designs are pretty wonderful visually and offer a pretty good amount of variety that kept me interested in what the next level would treat me to. An opera house, the seedy slums, a puppet factory, a literal landfill...none of the levels dropped below average which is pretty amazing. That being said, they lack the intricate geometry, enemy placement, and hazards of FromSoftware titles. But dear reader...I think that Krat Hotel may be my favorite hub, only rivaled by Majula. Seriously, the ambiance, the look, the NPCs, THE FUCKING MUSIC. Oh my god, the records you collect for the player at your base are unbelievably good. "Quixotic" and "Feel" are officially on my Spotify rotation. Absolutely gorgeous pieces of music.
-Rapid fire truths: the music in general slaps so hard. P as a protagonist is pretty compelling and I even dare say, more engaging on an emotional level than Wolf from Sekiro. There are a healthy amount of fun puzzles along the way (think treasure maps and riddles). I love Gemini--it's really nice to have a lil buddy to keep you company is this dreary, lonesome world. And the drip game is solid.
THE LIES
-Lies of P has "okay" enemy variety. There's definitely more on the puppet side of things. But the cadavers really blend in together, especially the big brutes. There's more to be desired here.
-The "Lie" mechanic is an interesting concept that isn't fully realized. Throughout the game you are given dialogue choices essentially to either lie or tell the truth. From(soft) what I've seen, there don't seem to be many varying outcomes depending on which you pick, with a few exceptions. In fact, in many instances the rewards are even the same.
-While it isn't that far off...Lies of P really just doesn't have the same gamefeel of "Soulsborne" games. Particularly the two it's taking so much from. There's a noticeable lack of tactile motion--P skates along the ground a bit, his feet not quite connecting with the ground as his animations are faster than the amount of ground he's covering. And man there's a big lack of physics in clothing and fabric. Bloodborne really spoiled us in that regard and Lies of P's various wardrobe options seem to stiffly fall behind P like he just got done drying them in the freezer.
-Oh boy. And here it is: the last level is a fucking SLOG. It's far too long, especially because the visual elements are perhaps the most generic and underwhelming when compared to literally every other level. I grew so tired of the same enemies being shoved at me over and over again that I ended up just running past them and skipping an entire section. Every time I got to a new Stargazer (bonfire), I thought "Surely that was it, right?" Meanwhile little did naive me know that I was only halfway through.
Not only this, but a VERY sour taste was poured down my throat when I reached the end of one of my favorite NPC's arcs. But the final outcome-determining factor that would either lead to me murdering them or them getting to leave and try to have a better life came down to this: a currency I very rarely collected because I had little use for it. When I spoke to this NPC...I had zero in my pockets. I ended up having to kill two of my favorite NPCs, thus getting their VERY BAD ending because I didn't happen to have a specific currency item with me right there on the spot. This put me in an even more bad mood than I already was.
Etcetera, etcetera...and then the end finally came. And by golly...I had a reverse Elden Ring experience. Despite absolutely loathing this final mission, I finished the game really happy. The final boss even kind of sucked! How can this be? Well, allow me to explain. The thing that gives Lies of P its own identity was something I alluded to earlier. Its story.
Upon watching the reveal trailer for this game, I mocked it. "A Pinocchio inspired Bloodborne? What the absolute fuck were these freaks thinking?" Well I'm happy to say they really nailed it. There may be some silly plot points, a not-so-great big bad, and unnecessary loose ends. But holy shit this is absolutely a gold standard example of taking a previously existing thing and adapting it into something wholly unique that simultaneously sticks to the source material. I won't go into spoilers but the side stories of the Blue Fairy, the Fox and the Black Cat, and Geppetto himself are not only captivating, emotional, and fit perfectly into this little world of Krat..but they also fulfill the identical plots of these characters from the original story in very creative and novel ways. It also sticks the themes very well in regard to humanity and lies. I know that the lying system wasn't perfectly executed, but it was really interesting how the lies you tell to become more human were multi-faceted. Lying is not always the "bad option". Sometimes the lie is for self-preservation. Sometimes the lie is to help someone you care about realize something about themselves. Sometimes the lie is to protect that someone from a truth that would only serve to bring them pain.
Lies of P is a human story. The people feel grounded in this reality, and I genuinely cared about them and how their stories were going to unravel. The message is not exactly revolutionary and sometimes used less than elegant visual metaphor. But it's really cool to see the narrative designers really dedicate themselves to a theme and really explore it in a way that aligns with the gameplay.
So yeah, while the last level is total of BS aside from a couple cool bosses and storylines, I ended feeling really satisfied and even emotional. And that, to me, makes Lies of P one of those games that provides an experience you can only have in a video game
2023
This review contains spoilers
HOGWARTS LEGACY IS THE VERY THING IT SWORE TO DESTROY
Hogwarts Legacy. What can I say. It runs like absolute garbage on PC. This may be partially due to the literal spyware, Denuvo, that it constantly runs in the background while you play the game. I have a 2080 and struggled to reach 60 frames. In fact, there were frequent frame drops and stutters that dropped down into the 5 FPS ZONE. For the sake of comparison, I just played the Resident Evil 4 Remake demo on the same rig. 120 frames on max settings with ray-tracing on.
On top of that, textures constantly freak out and try to load in like a student who just got caught daydreaming in class and is asked to answer a question from last night's homework.
Here's the thing. The game itself can be pretty fun sometimes. But almost everything it is trying to do comes up short compared to other games.
It has an open world with secrets and puzzles that can only be solved by interacting with the creative magic mechanics. But it doesn't do it nearly as well as Breath of the wild.
It has fairly meaningful side-quests with fleshed out characters which rival the main quest. But it doesn't even come close to The Witcher 3.
It has collectables and a decoration simulator. But not anything close to an Animal Crossing.
Basically, Hogwarts Legacy wants to do everything but ends up coming in third place in all of those categories.
The ONE place where nothing else really compares however, is Hogwarts itself. Exploring the school, going to class with your friends--these were the moments I was most immersed in. The focus should have been on the strength of the school simulator aspect. I want to literally just go to Hogwarts.
I think it would have been a brilliant game if, instead of a huge open world with hamlets I could give two shits about, I could choose to spend Halloween in Hogsmeade pranking some suckers with my Slytherin pals. Imagine you and your friends running into and accidentally unleashing a vengeful revenant to run amok in the village.
Imagine having to sneak off in the night to go hang with the HuffPuffs in their common room, needing to avoid a narc prefect who was your arch-nemesis.
Imagine needing to out-perform the teacher's pet Ravenclaw in all of your classes. Maybe you get to know them better. Maybe you become friends. Maybe you can choose to take them to the Yule Ball because everyone else has a date except for them.
Imagine playing a season of competitive quidditch. Maybe there's a Gryffindor prodigy chaser that, if you can manage to out-perform them, turns to illegal potions to beat you. They get cut from the team and are even being considered for expulsion. What if they "really need this quidditch thing because they don't have a future otherwise". Maybe you can sympathize and work to get them back on the team in time for one final fair-and-square, winner-take-all championship game.
What if the main quest was more of a self-contained mystery rather than another generic (and really fucked politically) "save the whole world" simulator; something more akin to The Chamber of Secrets".
What if the main quest was actually just a way to frame the structure of the narrative, and the real game was going to magic lessons, making friends, passing your exams, exploring the castle, etc.
I was haunted by the things this game wasn't as I continued playing. I mean, even the Persona series does a better job of being a school simulator than the game whose main selling point is "you get to go to school in one of the world's largest and most beloved (more on that later) franchises.
Oh, it's already time for the "more on that later" part I suppose.
So--what this game really should have been pales in comparison to the real-world poisoning that occurred surrounding its release.
I'll keep it brief, but the amount of hate, putrescence, bigotry, and just overall fucked-ness of online discourse was impossible to ignore if you're an internet freak like me.
Bullying; 4-Chan psyops furthering transphobia; a complete failure to co-opt a franchise that queer people have found some solace in (in spite of its fetid creator)... all of this tainted my experience from the get-go. Not so much that I couldn't make a good-faith review. But certainly enough to make me feel sad at times while playing.
The developers tried to get ahead of this with inclusion in the game that I honestly found to be pretty decent. But the marketing department really should have gotten ahead of this on social media.
Well...I suppose they didn't need to. It was always going to sell bookoo copies. And maybe that's really where the rot lies. At the end of the day, they were making a Harry Potter extended universe game that didn't need to be anything more than an amalgamation of other successful open world games with a sprinkling of diversity to try and please the "twitter freaks" (a term I take great issue with, even if there are some individuals to which it is applicable).
It didn't need to be what it needed to be. It didn't have a Christmas or Halloween event. It didn't allow me to dine in the Great Hall, or play wizard chess with my friends. It didn't even let me play Quidditch. And at that point, why even make a Hogwarts game at all?
Hogwarts Legacy. What can I say. It runs like absolute garbage on PC. This may be partially due to the literal spyware, Denuvo, that it constantly runs in the background while you play the game. I have a 2080 and struggled to reach 60 frames. In fact, there were frequent frame drops and stutters that dropped down into the 5 FPS ZONE. For the sake of comparison, I just played the Resident Evil 4 Remake demo on the same rig. 120 frames on max settings with ray-tracing on.
On top of that, textures constantly freak out and try to load in like a student who just got caught daydreaming in class and is asked to answer a question from last night's homework.
Here's the thing. The game itself can be pretty fun sometimes. But almost everything it is trying to do comes up short compared to other games.
It has an open world with secrets and puzzles that can only be solved by interacting with the creative magic mechanics. But it doesn't do it nearly as well as Breath of the wild.
It has fairly meaningful side-quests with fleshed out characters which rival the main quest. But it doesn't even come close to The Witcher 3.
It has collectables and a decoration simulator. But not anything close to an Animal Crossing.
Basically, Hogwarts Legacy wants to do everything but ends up coming in third place in all of those categories.
The ONE place where nothing else really compares however, is Hogwarts itself. Exploring the school, going to class with your friends--these were the moments I was most immersed in. The focus should have been on the strength of the school simulator aspect. I want to literally just go to Hogwarts.
I think it would have been a brilliant game if, instead of a huge open world with hamlets I could give two shits about, I could choose to spend Halloween in Hogsmeade pranking some suckers with my Slytherin pals. Imagine you and your friends running into and accidentally unleashing a vengeful revenant to run amok in the village.
Imagine having to sneak off in the night to go hang with the HuffPuffs in their common room, needing to avoid a narc prefect who was your arch-nemesis.
Imagine needing to out-perform the teacher's pet Ravenclaw in all of your classes. Maybe you get to know them better. Maybe you become friends. Maybe you can choose to take them to the Yule Ball because everyone else has a date except for them.
Imagine playing a season of competitive quidditch. Maybe there's a Gryffindor prodigy chaser that, if you can manage to out-perform them, turns to illegal potions to beat you. They get cut from the team and are even being considered for expulsion. What if they "really need this quidditch thing because they don't have a future otherwise". Maybe you can sympathize and work to get them back on the team in time for one final fair-and-square, winner-take-all championship game.
What if the main quest was more of a self-contained mystery rather than another generic (and really fucked politically) "save the whole world" simulator; something more akin to The Chamber of Secrets".
What if the main quest was actually just a way to frame the structure of the narrative, and the real game was going to magic lessons, making friends, passing your exams, exploring the castle, etc.
I was haunted by the things this game wasn't as I continued playing. I mean, even the Persona series does a better job of being a school simulator than the game whose main selling point is "you get to go to school in one of the world's largest and most beloved (more on that later) franchises.
Oh, it's already time for the "more on that later" part I suppose.
So--what this game really should have been pales in comparison to the real-world poisoning that occurred surrounding its release.
I'll keep it brief, but the amount of hate, putrescence, bigotry, and just overall fucked-ness of online discourse was impossible to ignore if you're an internet freak like me.
Bullying; 4-Chan psyops furthering transphobia; a complete failure to co-opt a franchise that queer people have found some solace in (in spite of its fetid creator)... all of this tainted my experience from the get-go. Not so much that I couldn't make a good-faith review. But certainly enough to make me feel sad at times while playing.
The developers tried to get ahead of this with inclusion in the game that I honestly found to be pretty decent. But the marketing department really should have gotten ahead of this on social media.
Well...I suppose they didn't need to. It was always going to sell bookoo copies. And maybe that's really where the rot lies. At the end of the day, they were making a Harry Potter extended universe game that didn't need to be anything more than an amalgamation of other successful open world games with a sprinkling of diversity to try and please the "twitter freaks" (a term I take great issue with, even if there are some individuals to which it is applicable).
It didn't need to be what it needed to be. It didn't have a Christmas or Halloween event. It didn't allow me to dine in the Great Hall, or play wizard chess with my friends. It didn't even let me play Quidditch. And at that point, why even make a Hogwarts game at all?
1999
This review contains spoilers
CHRONO CROSS IS THE ONLY TIME TRAVEL GAME WHERE YOU DO NOT TRAVEL IN TIME
We need to address something first and foremost. What is the deal with 90s JRPGs and third acts? Chrono Cross suffers the same third act storytelling misstep as Final Fantasy IX, which is tragic because both games have some of my favorite first acts. Both games have a beautiful and whimsical fairy-tale-esque world that they spend time lovingly building from the first moment. Intriguing villains, charming allies, and something I call "just plain magical". All of these wonderful things are abandoned and completely undermined by the end for what feels like "getting crazy with it for the sake of getting crazy with it".
I have to admit something...It may say that I finished the game here but only because YouTube exists. It's not just narrative that suffers in the third act--gameplay becomes a slog as well. I got to what I felt was surely the final boss of the game, only to find out that there was an entire level and set of bosses beyond that. I guess the ultimate point that I'm trying to get at here is that 90s JRPGs suffer from content "padding".
OKAY. With that out of the way, let me tell you the incredible things about this game.
Gameplay is original and exciting. It feels more real-time than the ATB system despite the fact that it is statically turn-based. I also like the elements system. In fact, I think that these gameplay systems may be my favorite among all turn-based RPGs. Being able to do a melee attack multiple times AND falling back to use a spell in the same turn feels really fun and fluid.
Mitsuda's score is transcendental as usual.
The 40+ player characters seemed like a silly gimmick at first but ended up being pretty charming with more hits than misses. I really did enjoy a lot of the fun vignettes.
And for all of it's faults of storytelling in the final act, the story and writing overall are genuinely beautiful, though a bit heavy-handed with the philosophical stuff.
Chrono Cross, I enjoyed you so much and it pained me that I had to finish you on YouTube. I hope one day you can forgive me.
We need to address something first and foremost. What is the deal with 90s JRPGs and third acts? Chrono Cross suffers the same third act storytelling misstep as Final Fantasy IX, which is tragic because both games have some of my favorite first acts. Both games have a beautiful and whimsical fairy-tale-esque world that they spend time lovingly building from the first moment. Intriguing villains, charming allies, and something I call "just plain magical". All of these wonderful things are abandoned and completely undermined by the end for what feels like "getting crazy with it for the sake of getting crazy with it".
I have to admit something...It may say that I finished the game here but only because YouTube exists. It's not just narrative that suffers in the third act--gameplay becomes a slog as well. I got to what I felt was surely the final boss of the game, only to find out that there was an entire level and set of bosses beyond that. I guess the ultimate point that I'm trying to get at here is that 90s JRPGs suffer from content "padding".
OKAY. With that out of the way, let me tell you the incredible things about this game.
Gameplay is original and exciting. It feels more real-time than the ATB system despite the fact that it is statically turn-based. I also like the elements system. In fact, I think that these gameplay systems may be my favorite among all turn-based RPGs. Being able to do a melee attack multiple times AND falling back to use a spell in the same turn feels really fun and fluid.
Mitsuda's score is transcendental as usual.
The 40+ player characters seemed like a silly gimmick at first but ended up being pretty charming with more hits than misses. I really did enjoy a lot of the fun vignettes.
And for all of it's faults of storytelling in the final act, the story and writing overall are genuinely beautiful, though a bit heavy-handed with the philosophical stuff.
Chrono Cross, I enjoyed you so much and it pained me that I had to finish you on YouTube. I hope one day you can forgive me.
GRANBLUE FANTASY: RELINK IS A SIDEQUEST
I remember when they first revealed this game back in like...what? 2018? I remember seeing a "cool knight lady" sauntering around a colorful, richly stylistic fantasy town built atop a sky island. My interest was piqued. Classic-style JRPGs had been in a downward death spiral. FFXV was a sloppy, albeit charming, unfinished game that was developed to be on better hardware. The Tales Series was...the Tales Series. Bravely Default was "fine". So when I ALSO learned that Nobuo Uematsu was coming out of retirement just to do the score for Granblue Fantasy: Relink, I thought to myself, "This is it. This is going to be the revival of the genre in a big way".
Well. It is and isn't. And I'd like to say that playing this game had the good fortune of coming after I shelved Tales of Arise (on account of feeling my IQ dropping to Mariana-trench depths while playing. More bland shonen-ery). However, Granblue Fantasy: Relink had the misfortune of being played before Dragon's Dogma 2. I guess what I mean to say is that sequence of games sort of represents my thoughts of Granblue Fantasy: Relink being stuck in some bizarre, middling purgatory realm.
I cannot deny that the art design is gorgeous. It told Bravely Default to hold its ale. The water color-esque textures, the character art in the menus, the visual effects of each character's combat abilities--divine. Although generic NPCs look like they're straight out of an early PS2 game. No joke, they might actually look and be more poorly animated than Final Fantasy X NPCs.
Combat is action oriented with a strong focus on differing mechanics between the large cast of heroes you can control. Think Kingdom Hearts meets Overwatch. I had a lot of fun mastering Narmaya's butterfly stances just as much as I did Zeta's Dragoon-like combo aerials. And the boss fights were very fun. In past reviews of modern shit JRPGs (Xenoblade Chronicles 3 and Final Fantasy XVI), I had said on multiple occasions that I think the bosses would benefit greatly from attacks with movement tells, clear multiphase attack patterns, and puzzle gimmicks. More in-line with the likes of Final Fantasy XIV (the MMO). Granblue Fantasy: Relink devs must have DEFINITELY read my reviews and incorporated all of these elements and then some.
The story, however, is an element at war with itself. It's a fun sky swashbuckler featuring a rogue's gallery of (already well-acquainted) allies. But the protagonist super sucks. I couldn't wait to get them out of my party for the postgame. They were a perfect reflection of the biggest core question I had while engaging with the plot: who is this made for? Is this a kid's game? The story is awfully gaunt and goofy in a dumb way...not a fun way. It has a mascot character whose VA I have nothing by pity for because that putrid little lizard thing is probably my least favorite videogame character of all time. AND YOU CANNOT GET RID OF HIM. And yet...the 15 or so year old protagonist is surrounded by a bunch of adults who are, extremely obviously, much cooler than them. I understand they had to stick with the previous games/anime by having Gran/Djeeta leading the team. But golly jee whiz...Katalina is obviously the better main character. Hell, even Rackham. In a better world, Rosetta would have banished those kid fucks to the thorn dimension before becoming obsequious to their foolish whims. Get these goddamn super children outta here and make way for the hot and powerful adults. Their personalities and dialogue are better. They are more fun to play. And they don't have the literal worst video game character of all time spitting "jokes" at them and ruining every single moment of tension in the story.
That's the crux of the issue here. It suffers the same disease as the MCU films. It favors (very stupid) levity over drama. I actually screamed when the lizard fuck shouted "Giver her back, buttface!" at the very cool antagonist as she totally wrecked our shit.
A lot of this can be attributed to the fact that, for all intents and purposes, Granblue Fantasy: Relink is a side story. They've been building these characters, this story, and the world for a very, very long time via mobile games and a brief anime. Because of that, it really does feel like a spinoff movie at best. The stakes just aren't really there. And more importantly, while unique, it is a dramatic hinderance that all of your crew has already had their respective arcs and have completely bonded with one another. They have no development outside of their little (very minimalist) comic book side stories. Which admittedly exist solely as exposition to tell you why they know each other.
But I do have some respect fo CyGames for turning what was an EXTREMELY lucrative mobile game franchise into a "proper" JRPG. It even retains the gacha elements for unlocking new characters without any real money transactions. It's all done with in-game currency that is drip-fed to you via the story and postgame (which, by the way, is when the actual game starts).
Look. The core elements are here. Fast-paced action with RPG elements. Fantastic art. Gorgeous music. A fun and semi-unique world. This franchise has a LOT of potential for future installments. But I'm afraid CyGames won't take the risks of doing what really needs to be done: get a new crew and a new protagonist. And commit to a story that isn't one made "definitely" specifically for children. One that can be appreciated by all age demographics. You know...like the Final Fantasy games of yore.
Thankfully, this painfully mid campaign clocked in at under 20 hours. And that alone is something to be praised as Xenoblade Chronicles 3 wasted 100+ hours of my goddamn life.
But I have to dock it severely for the fucking eldritch mascot horror. I hope one day it will be incinerated in a hellfire related "accident".
I remember when they first revealed this game back in like...what? 2018? I remember seeing a "cool knight lady" sauntering around a colorful, richly stylistic fantasy town built atop a sky island. My interest was piqued. Classic-style JRPGs had been in a downward death spiral. FFXV was a sloppy, albeit charming, unfinished game that was developed to be on better hardware. The Tales Series was...the Tales Series. Bravely Default was "fine". So when I ALSO learned that Nobuo Uematsu was coming out of retirement just to do the score for Granblue Fantasy: Relink, I thought to myself, "This is it. This is going to be the revival of the genre in a big way".
Well. It is and isn't. And I'd like to say that playing this game had the good fortune of coming after I shelved Tales of Arise (on account of feeling my IQ dropping to Mariana-trench depths while playing. More bland shonen-ery). However, Granblue Fantasy: Relink had the misfortune of being played before Dragon's Dogma 2. I guess what I mean to say is that sequence of games sort of represents my thoughts of Granblue Fantasy: Relink being stuck in some bizarre, middling purgatory realm.
I cannot deny that the art design is gorgeous. It told Bravely Default to hold its ale. The water color-esque textures, the character art in the menus, the visual effects of each character's combat abilities--divine. Although generic NPCs look like they're straight out of an early PS2 game. No joke, they might actually look and be more poorly animated than Final Fantasy X NPCs.
Combat is action oriented with a strong focus on differing mechanics between the large cast of heroes you can control. Think Kingdom Hearts meets Overwatch. I had a lot of fun mastering Narmaya's butterfly stances just as much as I did Zeta's Dragoon-like combo aerials. And the boss fights were very fun. In past reviews of modern shit JRPGs (Xenoblade Chronicles 3 and Final Fantasy XVI), I had said on multiple occasions that I think the bosses would benefit greatly from attacks with movement tells, clear multiphase attack patterns, and puzzle gimmicks. More in-line with the likes of Final Fantasy XIV (the MMO). Granblue Fantasy: Relink devs must have DEFINITELY read my reviews and incorporated all of these elements and then some.
The story, however, is an element at war with itself. It's a fun sky swashbuckler featuring a rogue's gallery of (already well-acquainted) allies. But the protagonist super sucks. I couldn't wait to get them out of my party for the postgame. They were a perfect reflection of the biggest core question I had while engaging with the plot: who is this made for? Is this a kid's game? The story is awfully gaunt and goofy in a dumb way...not a fun way. It has a mascot character whose VA I have nothing by pity for because that putrid little lizard thing is probably my least favorite videogame character of all time. AND YOU CANNOT GET RID OF HIM. And yet...the 15 or so year old protagonist is surrounded by a bunch of adults who are, extremely obviously, much cooler than them. I understand they had to stick with the previous games/anime by having Gran/Djeeta leading the team. But golly jee whiz...Katalina is obviously the better main character. Hell, even Rackham. In a better world, Rosetta would have banished those kid fucks to the thorn dimension before becoming obsequious to their foolish whims. Get these goddamn super children outta here and make way for the hot and powerful adults. Their personalities and dialogue are better. They are more fun to play. And they don't have the literal worst video game character of all time spitting "jokes" at them and ruining every single moment of tension in the story.
That's the crux of the issue here. It suffers the same disease as the MCU films. It favors (very stupid) levity over drama. I actually screamed when the lizard fuck shouted "Giver her back, buttface!" at the very cool antagonist as she totally wrecked our shit.
A lot of this can be attributed to the fact that, for all intents and purposes, Granblue Fantasy: Relink is a side story. They've been building these characters, this story, and the world for a very, very long time via mobile games and a brief anime. Because of that, it really does feel like a spinoff movie at best. The stakes just aren't really there. And more importantly, while unique, it is a dramatic hinderance that all of your crew has already had their respective arcs and have completely bonded with one another. They have no development outside of their little (very minimalist) comic book side stories. Which admittedly exist solely as exposition to tell you why they know each other.
But I do have some respect fo CyGames for turning what was an EXTREMELY lucrative mobile game franchise into a "proper" JRPG. It even retains the gacha elements for unlocking new characters without any real money transactions. It's all done with in-game currency that is drip-fed to you via the story and postgame (which, by the way, is when the actual game starts).
Look. The core elements are here. Fast-paced action with RPG elements. Fantastic art. Gorgeous music. A fun and semi-unique world. This franchise has a LOT of potential for future installments. But I'm afraid CyGames won't take the risks of doing what really needs to be done: get a new crew and a new protagonist. And commit to a story that isn't one made "definitely" specifically for children. One that can be appreciated by all age demographics. You know...like the Final Fantasy games of yore.
Thankfully, this painfully mid campaign clocked in at under 20 hours. And that alone is something to be praised as Xenoblade Chronicles 3 wasted 100+ hours of my goddamn life.
But I have to dock it severely for the fucking eldritch mascot horror. I hope one day it will be incinerated in a hellfire related "accident".
LIFE IS STRANGE: TRUE COLORS IS A "MINER" (GET IT?) COURSE CORRECTION
I'm finally caught up on all of the Life is Strange games. I was not feeling burnt out in the least when playing this title directly after all of the others, so there is still a lot of clarity in my analysis of this game.
Deck Nine definitely gets what a "franchise" of Life is Strange "should be" more than Don't Nod at this point. The problem is that they still have difficulty reaching the depth and mechanical novelty of the first.
Characters: Alex Chen is a great protagonist. She has a backstory that is cathartic for people who have slipped through the cracks in society due to the catastrophic failure that is the American foster care system. But she has a couple issues: 1) She has a lot of inconsistencies in how she reacts to situations. There is a particular inciting incident that she just kind of did not have much of an emotional reaction to in proportion to...how devastating it was. Just as well...she oscillates between being a quippy trickster to a meek loner often. She is definitely more compelling when being the former. I realize it can be obviously stated that, "Dude. That's called character depth". Well, the problem is that it's a binary for her. She is EITHER one or the other in most scenes, which can make role-playing as her slightly unsatisfying . By comparison, Steph, Gabe, and Ryan have much more truly dynamic interactions. Just as well, Erika Mori (her VA) has the same inconsistency in her performance. Sometimes she's fuckin' killing it, and others there is a lot to be desired.
Otherwise, I really liked the cast. Ryan is a really good boy going through an existential crisis. Steph is Steph, she has always ruled. Gabe is endearing and layered. And the rest of the peoples of Haven Springs are equally charming (love Charlotte and Eleanor).
Gameplay: While Alex's powers are an excellent idea that create really memorable visual and emotional moments, they aren't mechanically engaging (outside of a couple specific interactions). It is "press button near person to feel their feelings". The times when it shines most are when you're navigating dialogue options to get people to overcome the hardships they're going through. But at that point, it's basically just "can you talk to a person good". It doesn't have the same puzzle-solving potential as, say...time reversal...
Story: All over the place. The setting is great. Haven Springs and the art direction are gorgeous. But, unlike Life is Strange 2, the game is way too damn short to tell the story it wants to tell. But it does do a decent amount even within this hastened plot.
The real problems are the themes and pacing. It takes an entire episode to get to the inciting incident. And the investigation in general needed a lot more micro conflicts. There's more fucking around and talking to people than there is uncovering secrets and intrigue. The absolute most MAJORLY missed opportunity was not giving the Scooby gang of Alex, Ryan, and Steph more "big time missions" together.
I am still trying to wrap my head around what the game was trying to convey in terms of its main themes. We've got Persona 5-esque "making bad people realize their horrific mistakes and getting them to be better". We've got Persona 4-esque "finding the truth is the only way to get justice". We've got...empathizing with people is good. We've got "you have to be strong in order to overcome your past". We've got familial trauma. And then we have the pain of being a foster kid stuff. Ultimately, while it was good representation, the foster care/family themes came to a conclusion that I thought was a massive cop-out. It basically boiled down to "hey, you just gotta be strong". That's some Kingdom Hearts shit man. What a huge missed opportunity to critique the system and how our country defaults to tearing families apart rather than assisting them.
The above elements ended up creating a Life is Strange game that felt a little plastic, rushed, and confused about its identity.
Also worth noting: Deck Nine has some major issues with several technical things. The audio compression on the voiced lines is unfathomably bad. I'm not sure I've EVER heard characters sound more like they were doing a horribly mixed podcast. When the characters "smile", it looks more like a grimace and is visually upsetting. And Deck Nine STILL (since Before the Storm) have not figured out how to make a natural-looking walking cycle for the protagonist. Alex and Steph have a lock in their shoulder joints that disallow them from swinging their arms further back than their waist. Their torsos protrude too far forward while their heads tilt slightly behind the nape of the neck...it just doesn't feel or look good to walk as these characters, which is a fairly big flaw in a game where you are primarily walking around.
I know I've had a lot of criticisms of the game so I'll finish up by saying this: Life is Strange True Colors is still a fun and worthwhile experience. The story and characters are compelling. The "majority of the episode segment" in chapter 3 is one of the best chapters of any Life is Strange game. And the finale, while a watered down version of The Wolf Among Us' finale, is definitely the most satisfying in the series (the final confrontation is genuinely beautiful and made me cry).
But actually as my final words: Both of Deck Nine's "side story DLC's" are stronger than the base game. The Farewell in Before the Storm is tight and even more emotional than Before the Storm itself. And this might be an unpopular opinion, but I think the same of Wavelengths.
I think the writers on this team really bring it home when they have severe limitations. Wavelengths is very efficient with its storytelling. Steph is a consistent but still complex character (thus making roleplaying as her more engaging). The themes are rock solid--loneliness and new beginnings: full stop. And the final thing I'd like to mention: SPOILERS FOR LIFE IS STRANGE 1 AND 2
Deck Nine wants to address the consequences of the "save Chloe" ending in Life is Strange 1 in a way that makes it a more meaningful and satisfying choice. In Life is Strange 2, David is basically like "Yeah everyone except me died and I hated that Max and Chloe drove off. But I have a decent relationship with her now." True Colors by default goes against this by showing that Steph and Mikey survived (oh thank fucking god). Not only this, but Wavelengths addresses this ending on multiple occasions. There's memory dialogue Steph has of making pride buttons with Chloe post-storm. There's her relived trauma from her Mom dying in the storm (and Mikey's brother). It's heartbreaking, but it at least gives us SOME goddamn context and divulgence for a half-baked cop-out of an ending to the first game.
Anyway, I appreciate Deck Nine actively rebelling against Don't Nod's reluctance to respect their most acclaimed and popular franchise. And as developers, Deck Nine just gets better with each release. I'm very interested to see what they do next with The Expanse.
I'm finally caught up on all of the Life is Strange games. I was not feeling burnt out in the least when playing this title directly after all of the others, so there is still a lot of clarity in my analysis of this game.
Deck Nine definitely gets what a "franchise" of Life is Strange "should be" more than Don't Nod at this point. The problem is that they still have difficulty reaching the depth and mechanical novelty of the first.
Characters: Alex Chen is a great protagonist. She has a backstory that is cathartic for people who have slipped through the cracks in society due to the catastrophic failure that is the American foster care system. But she has a couple issues: 1) She has a lot of inconsistencies in how she reacts to situations. There is a particular inciting incident that she just kind of did not have much of an emotional reaction to in proportion to...how devastating it was. Just as well...she oscillates between being a quippy trickster to a meek loner often. She is definitely more compelling when being the former. I realize it can be obviously stated that, "Dude. That's called character depth". Well, the problem is that it's a binary for her. She is EITHER one or the other in most scenes, which can make role-playing as her slightly unsatisfying . By comparison, Steph, Gabe, and Ryan have much more truly dynamic interactions. Just as well, Erika Mori (her VA) has the same inconsistency in her performance. Sometimes she's fuckin' killing it, and others there is a lot to be desired.
Otherwise, I really liked the cast. Ryan is a really good boy going through an existential crisis. Steph is Steph, she has always ruled. Gabe is endearing and layered. And the rest of the peoples of Haven Springs are equally charming (love Charlotte and Eleanor).
Gameplay: While Alex's powers are an excellent idea that create really memorable visual and emotional moments, they aren't mechanically engaging (outside of a couple specific interactions). It is "press button near person to feel their feelings". The times when it shines most are when you're navigating dialogue options to get people to overcome the hardships they're going through. But at that point, it's basically just "can you talk to a person good". It doesn't have the same puzzle-solving potential as, say...time reversal...
Story: All over the place. The setting is great. Haven Springs and the art direction are gorgeous. But, unlike Life is Strange 2, the game is way too damn short to tell the story it wants to tell. But it does do a decent amount even within this hastened plot.
The real problems are the themes and pacing. It takes an entire episode to get to the inciting incident. And the investigation in general needed a lot more micro conflicts. There's more fucking around and talking to people than there is uncovering secrets and intrigue. The absolute most MAJORLY missed opportunity was not giving the Scooby gang of Alex, Ryan, and Steph more "big time missions" together.
I am still trying to wrap my head around what the game was trying to convey in terms of its main themes. We've got Persona 5-esque "making bad people realize their horrific mistakes and getting them to be better". We've got Persona 4-esque "finding the truth is the only way to get justice". We've got...empathizing with people is good. We've got "you have to be strong in order to overcome your past". We've got familial trauma. And then we have the pain of being a foster kid stuff. Ultimately, while it was good representation, the foster care/family themes came to a conclusion that I thought was a massive cop-out. It basically boiled down to "hey, you just gotta be strong". That's some Kingdom Hearts shit man. What a huge missed opportunity to critique the system and how our country defaults to tearing families apart rather than assisting them.
The above elements ended up creating a Life is Strange game that felt a little plastic, rushed, and confused about its identity.
Also worth noting: Deck Nine has some major issues with several technical things. The audio compression on the voiced lines is unfathomably bad. I'm not sure I've EVER heard characters sound more like they were doing a horribly mixed podcast. When the characters "smile", it looks more like a grimace and is visually upsetting. And Deck Nine STILL (since Before the Storm) have not figured out how to make a natural-looking walking cycle for the protagonist. Alex and Steph have a lock in their shoulder joints that disallow them from swinging their arms further back than their waist. Their torsos protrude too far forward while their heads tilt slightly behind the nape of the neck...it just doesn't feel or look good to walk as these characters, which is a fairly big flaw in a game where you are primarily walking around.
I know I've had a lot of criticisms of the game so I'll finish up by saying this: Life is Strange True Colors is still a fun and worthwhile experience. The story and characters are compelling. The "majority of the episode segment" in chapter 3 is one of the best chapters of any Life is Strange game. And the finale, while a watered down version of The Wolf Among Us' finale, is definitely the most satisfying in the series (the final confrontation is genuinely beautiful and made me cry).
But actually as my final words: Both of Deck Nine's "side story DLC's" are stronger than the base game. The Farewell in Before the Storm is tight and even more emotional than Before the Storm itself. And this might be an unpopular opinion, but I think the same of Wavelengths.
I think the writers on this team really bring it home when they have severe limitations. Wavelengths is very efficient with its storytelling. Steph is a consistent but still complex character (thus making roleplaying as her more engaging). The themes are rock solid--loneliness and new beginnings: full stop. And the final thing I'd like to mention: SPOILERS FOR LIFE IS STRANGE 1 AND 2
Deck Nine wants to address the consequences of the "save Chloe" ending in Life is Strange 1 in a way that makes it a more meaningful and satisfying choice. In Life is Strange 2, David is basically like "Yeah everyone except me died and I hated that Max and Chloe drove off. But I have a decent relationship with her now." True Colors by default goes against this by showing that Steph and Mikey survived (oh thank fucking god). Not only this, but Wavelengths addresses this ending on multiple occasions. There's memory dialogue Steph has of making pride buttons with Chloe post-storm. There's her relived trauma from her Mom dying in the storm (and Mikey's brother). It's heartbreaking, but it at least gives us SOME goddamn context and divulgence for a half-baked cop-out of an ending to the first game.
Anyway, I appreciate Deck Nine actively rebelling against Don't Nod's reluctance to respect their most acclaimed and popular franchise. And as developers, Deck Nine just gets better with each release. I'm very interested to see what they do next with The Expanse.
2022
This review contains spoilers
ELDEN RING IS THE FIRST MASTERPIECE THAT IS EXTREMELY NOT A MASTERPIECE
When I consider what a "masterpiece" is, I think of something that keeps me amazed, inspired, and on the edge of my seat for the ENTIRE duration of the game. Much like the first Christmas I can remember in which I received an official Japanese copy of Yoko Shimomura's incredible original soundtrack for Kingdom Hearts. I was nine. My mother had "literally no idea what she had just bought me".
Instead what I got with Elden Ring was my first memory of a birthday party. It was at Chuck E. Cheese. I remember the lights dancing wildly, inviting me to an endless arcade of good times and P I Z Z A. However, I realized about halfway through that the pizza was stale, the games smelled like a wet dog on a hot summer's day, and the animatronics would play the same song and dance...over. And over.
Elden Ring's incredible, dynamic world begins in Limgrave and ends after Liurnia. The first two areas in the game. Interesting NPC quests no longer exist outside of that, minus the Volcano Manor.
The developer's words, expressed through gameplay, tell the player that they can play "however they want". And yet, most people will only end up using one of two broken builds for the entire last third of the game.
Elden Ring's boss design philosophy irrritated me to no end. I am a FromSoft veteran. I never died to the Orphan of Koz more than twenty times. You could say that I am "pretty good at these video games". I died 20 or more times to nearly EVERY main story boss. Their attacks are cheaper than store brand spaghetti.
Massive delay attacks. Perfect roll-tracking. Infuriating hit-boxes. Relentless aggression. Multiple AoE's, some of which you can almost literally not dodge. The bosses give you few windows to attack, let alone heal. To summarize: the bosses were not designed to be a fun but brutal challenge. They were designed to "ruin your day".
And so in summary, as is the case with every FromSoft game, the first third is an immeasurable delight. The second third is an expansion of that euphoric wonder. And the final third is an unfinished and abysmal tragedy of wasted potential.
Elden RING is a masterpiece. Until it isn't.
When I consider what a "masterpiece" is, I think of something that keeps me amazed, inspired, and on the edge of my seat for the ENTIRE duration of the game. Much like the first Christmas I can remember in which I received an official Japanese copy of Yoko Shimomura's incredible original soundtrack for Kingdom Hearts. I was nine. My mother had "literally no idea what she had just bought me".
Instead what I got with Elden Ring was my first memory of a birthday party. It was at Chuck E. Cheese. I remember the lights dancing wildly, inviting me to an endless arcade of good times and P I Z Z A. However, I realized about halfway through that the pizza was stale, the games smelled like a wet dog on a hot summer's day, and the animatronics would play the same song and dance...over. And over.
Elden Ring's incredible, dynamic world begins in Limgrave and ends after Liurnia. The first two areas in the game. Interesting NPC quests no longer exist outside of that, minus the Volcano Manor.
The developer's words, expressed through gameplay, tell the player that they can play "however they want". And yet, most people will only end up using one of two broken builds for the entire last third of the game.
Elden Ring's boss design philosophy irrritated me to no end. I am a FromSoft veteran. I never died to the Orphan of Koz more than twenty times. You could say that I am "pretty good at these video games". I died 20 or more times to nearly EVERY main story boss. Their attacks are cheaper than store brand spaghetti.
Massive delay attacks. Perfect roll-tracking. Infuriating hit-boxes. Relentless aggression. Multiple AoE's, some of which you can almost literally not dodge. The bosses give you few windows to attack, let alone heal. To summarize: the bosses were not designed to be a fun but brutal challenge. They were designed to "ruin your day".
And so in summary, as is the case with every FromSoft game, the first third is an immeasurable delight. The second third is an expansion of that euphoric wonder. And the final third is an unfinished and abysmal tragedy of wasted potential.
Elden RING is a masterpiece. Until it isn't.
2020
This review contains spoilers
NIOH 2 IS FLASHY BUT LEAN
Nioh 2 is a Dark Souls-like game. There I said it. I don't need to reference it again.
But even on its own, it doesn't have staying power for a 60+ hour game.
I was excited when I got started in this game. The character creator is incredibly good. Far, faaar better than any Fromsof--I mean from most other games. I particularly like the whole thing where your parents are commenting about how they want you to turn out as you crank the bizarro meter up to 12.
The combat is fast, aggressive, and fun. You have a wealth of weapons to choose from that each have 3 stances which provide different movesets. High is strong/slow. Middle is average at both. And Low is fast but weak. I tried out using most of the weapons and they all had fun combo unlocks to varying extents. I will say the Glaive was such a hilarious sore thumb in terms of design. You have all of these realistic-looking slash properly sized weapons. And then the Glaive looks like it's straight out of Monster Hunter.
There's also a neat little mechanic where, if you guard at the perfect time, you regain a large portion of your stamina. It's not nearly as good as the rally system from Bloodbo--I mean it sometimes feels like it halts the action and leaves you open for retaliation, but it's a solidly compelling mechanic nonetheless.
There are so many mechanics you can use when slaying yokai. Guardian Spirits, Onmyo Magic, Ninjitsu, Soul Core attacks, etc. There's so much that you may be thinking, "Hebi, why did you abandon this game slightly less than halfway through?"
Well, it's pretty simple. I have mentioned many times in my reviews that I am very done with games that have long playtimes which don't feel justified. This game is a great example. You have to complete a multitude of grind quests in repeat maps to keep up with main story level requirements. Elite enemies and bosses also repeat far too often. Fighting your first Enki is exciting. Fighting your fiftieth (yes I even got an achievement for it) is not so fun.
The story is also not the most compelling. It certainly "lacks the mystique and atmosphere" of Dark So-I mean...
Okay fuck it. The game is a Souls clone. It steals many ideas and mechanics from them with some success and some failures. The combat is very fun. The player has the speed players should have had in Elden Ring. But it's like twice as long as Bloodborne with faaaaaar more bloat.
I really really love a lot of what this game is offering. But after I finished my fifth "essentially required" grind map before getting to the next story level, I checked about how far into the game I was. I was just less than halfway through. I had done at least 4x the amount of grind maps as story maps. I was "already getting bored".
I got Nioh 2 free with PlayStation Plus. It was well-worth it for the character creator. But I'll be damned if Im going to play another 30+ hours of grind maps and Enki hordes.
Nioh 2 is a Dark Souls-like game. There I said it. I don't need to reference it again.
But even on its own, it doesn't have staying power for a 60+ hour game.
I was excited when I got started in this game. The character creator is incredibly good. Far, faaar better than any Fromsof--I mean from most other games. I particularly like the whole thing where your parents are commenting about how they want you to turn out as you crank the bizarro meter up to 12.
The combat is fast, aggressive, and fun. You have a wealth of weapons to choose from that each have 3 stances which provide different movesets. High is strong/slow. Middle is average at both. And Low is fast but weak. I tried out using most of the weapons and they all had fun combo unlocks to varying extents. I will say the Glaive was such a hilarious sore thumb in terms of design. You have all of these realistic-looking slash properly sized weapons. And then the Glaive looks like it's straight out of Monster Hunter.
There's also a neat little mechanic where, if you guard at the perfect time, you regain a large portion of your stamina. It's not nearly as good as the rally system from Bloodbo--I mean it sometimes feels like it halts the action and leaves you open for retaliation, but it's a solidly compelling mechanic nonetheless.
There are so many mechanics you can use when slaying yokai. Guardian Spirits, Onmyo Magic, Ninjitsu, Soul Core attacks, etc. There's so much that you may be thinking, "Hebi, why did you abandon this game slightly less than halfway through?"
Well, it's pretty simple. I have mentioned many times in my reviews that I am very done with games that have long playtimes which don't feel justified. This game is a great example. You have to complete a multitude of grind quests in repeat maps to keep up with main story level requirements. Elite enemies and bosses also repeat far too often. Fighting your first Enki is exciting. Fighting your fiftieth (yes I even got an achievement for it) is not so fun.
The story is also not the most compelling. It certainly "lacks the mystique and atmosphere" of Dark So-I mean...
Okay fuck it. The game is a Souls clone. It steals many ideas and mechanics from them with some success and some failures. The combat is very fun. The player has the speed players should have had in Elden Ring. But it's like twice as long as Bloodborne with faaaaaar more bloat.
I really really love a lot of what this game is offering. But after I finished my fifth "essentially required" grind map before getting to the next story level, I checked about how far into the game I was. I was just less than halfway through. I had done at least 4x the amount of grind maps as story maps. I was "already getting bored".
I got Nioh 2 free with PlayStation Plus. It was well-worth it for the character creator. But I'll be damned if Im going to play another 30+ hours of grind maps and Enki hordes.
This review contains spoilers
CYBERPUNK 2077 DOESN'T WANT YOU TO BE A PUNK
Listen up, choom. I played the first release of this game on launch day back in 2020. After playing The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, this was my most anticipated game for years. So the fact that I refunded the game to get a return on my scratch a mere hour and a half into it due to bugs, performance issues, and just getting a real ick about the writing...well it was not preem.
I can safely say that in the three or so years since the game's launch, Cyberpunk 2077 is now a really solid game. However, it cannot achieve the coveted status of being a "HEBI CERTIFIED 10/5 for reasons I will divulge later.
COMBAT: The combat is extremely satisfying (as long as you're not exclusively using guns) and includes a buffet of ways to flatline your enemies. Starting off the game, my V could most effectively take out people with knife headshots and occasional "malfunctioning" gas tanks that I lured enemies towards via hacked cameras. In the final mission of the game, I ran into a room with my mantis blades, sliced up two guys, then used a super jump to pounce and dismember a sniper on the catwalk above me. From there, I hacked an enemy mech to turn on their own friends, while shooting from a distance with my high powered sniper rifle. Then two guys ambushed my on the catwalk from either side, so I dashed into the air, slowed time, and crit head-shotted them both before touching down on the ground, whipping out my legendary throwing knife and playing the best game of darts of my fucking life with the remaining few soldiers. The gunplay may not be the best, but you can get around that with the myriad ways to approach a given combat encounter.
OPEN WORLD: One of the few modern games that "deserves" to be open world. There are so many intriguing characters to meet, and twisty-turny side quests to undertake. I was pretty much delighted by all of them. I even found the "grindy" quests for fixers and cyberpsychos to be enjoyable not only because they allowed me to play with my new toys, but also because many of them offered a surprising amount of depth in terms of story. Not to mention: HOLY MOLY NIGHT CITY IS GORGEOUS. I love that every neighborhood has its own character and visual identity. Pacifica is completely unique from Japantown which is completely unique from Heywood, etc.
DRIVIN': Cruising around Night City is...not great. Unless you're riding a motorcycle or one of two cars that are actually fun to drive (one being locked behind a very grindy set of not-super-fun car hijacking side quests). Almost all of the cars drive like boats on the open sea. If you want to go any kind of fast, good luck even switching lanes without fishtailing out of control and inadvertently running over a crowd of people, giving you an instant 2 star wanted level. So I cruised around on my Yaiba Kusanagi (the Akira) motorcycle most of the game, which was overall enjoyable. Oh and just as a quick note, the radio stations are super lacking and don't feel like they have much of an "identity" like the ones in GTA. The number of "good" tracks is pretty limited which kind of made my ears beg for mercy after 100+ hours.
NARRATIVE: Alright. Here's where it is. This is the part where I say the thing. The endings suck. And not just because they suck. But because they are the culmination of the rest of the narrative failures of the game compounded into one semi-shitstorm. It is ironic that Cyberpunk 2077 is adapted from a tabletop game, because it sure does not want you to roleplay in a number of key ways. People may counter my coming points by saying they are "realistic", or "fit the genre". But that's honestly bullshit. First thing's first: there are four romance options in the game. Fine. BUT you may choose only one depending on your sexual orientation (I guess 2 if you're bi). Some of them are even VOICE dependent. So if you're playing a masc V with a femme voice, you will actually have only one option.
I understand the desire to have NPCs feel like real people, but at the end of the day, I can't but wonder...what exactly do you lose by making these options so limited? In exchange for "realism", you lose player expression and their own roleplaying experience. I mean Judy being a lesbian doesn't seem to have much of an impact on who she is as a person. Nor does her storyline deal with any issues regarding being a queer person. So like...what is the cost/benefit of making her a female only love interest. The same for Panam. And River. And god help you if you play a gay man because you have goddamn Kerry as your only option. Compare this to Baldur's Gate 3. Astarion is pretty clearly queer coded, but straight women are obsessed with him and are able to romance him. Nothing is lost. None of the impact of his clearly coded plotline is marred. It's fine. You just get to...tell the story yourself with the pieces the writers give you.
How does this tie into the endings? Well, simply put, the endings exhibit the same desire to take control away from the players and into the hands of the writers. It's like a bad GM who wants you to follow their strict plotline that they planned from the beginning rather than adapt to where their players want to go with the story. Everything from V needing to die no matter what (choose one of three flavors!), to the horrible and jarring voice messages you get during the credits, to the fact that ABSOLUTELY none of the logic behind V's need to perish if they decide to go back into their own body makes any lick of sense if you think about it for more than twenty seconds. I remember sitting there on one of the dialogues with "literal AI goddess" Alt Cunningham, just thinking to myself, "Um. Why not just put my engram on the Relic so I can retake my brain. Oh wait, we're already going to literally be doing that because it's the only way back into my brain. Wait what the fuck? Why can't I just take back my brain Johhny style?"
Well, much like Fallout 4 and Mass Effect 3, the game NEEDS there to be a bittersweet ending. Which sure, okay. But it always ends one of 2 ways: either you go back into your body and only have six months to live because your...body is...rejecting your personality (Jesus fucking Christ). Or you let Johnny have your body while you skip off to into AI "heaven" with Alt. And let me tell you something, if you are playing a lady V, the thematic implications of this loss of control of your bodily autonomy to a womanizing POS is kind of sickening (sitll love you Johnny <3).
On the theme of identity and "what is consciousness", Cyberpunk 2077 fails and is pathetic compared to the likes of Prey and Soma.
And it really is just a shame because everything else in the narrative was definitely compelling. I was on the edge of my seat nearly the whole game when it came to the main storyline. So when I got a voicemail during the credits with Judy kind of vociferously saying she was breaking up with me and that "it was a shame things turned out the way they did"... after single-handedly storming Arasaka tower, carving a path of chaos and destruction through their forces, and destroying one of their most ambitious and horrific projects, leaving the most powerful and evil corporations in absolute ruin...well, I was both confused and pretty insulted. Especially after 100+ hours of gameplay.
But hey, it's so cool she was a super realistic character with her own autonomy right? So players get a choice of how they want to do combat, but not how they want to construct and roleplay the story...Why make a roleplaying game? Why is it unrealistic for a character to be player-sexual, but it's totally realistic for the player to slaughter thousands of enemies and mow down crowds of innocent civilians while never addressing it or experiencing mental trauma of being a mass murderer? The game forgot it is a power fantasy.
Most other aspects of the game delivered in a big way. The sum of its parts almost overcome the one major fault I find in it. It's pretty damn fun and engaging and I would recommend people play it still. It's just a shame that Cyberpunk 2077, a story-heavy roleplaying game is ultimately disinterested in you being the one roleplaying.
Listen up, choom. I played the first release of this game on launch day back in 2020. After playing The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, this was my most anticipated game for years. So the fact that I refunded the game to get a return on my scratch a mere hour and a half into it due to bugs, performance issues, and just getting a real ick about the writing...well it was not preem.
I can safely say that in the three or so years since the game's launch, Cyberpunk 2077 is now a really solid game. However, it cannot achieve the coveted status of being a "HEBI CERTIFIED 10/5 for reasons I will divulge later.
COMBAT: The combat is extremely satisfying (as long as you're not exclusively using guns) and includes a buffet of ways to flatline your enemies. Starting off the game, my V could most effectively take out people with knife headshots and occasional "malfunctioning" gas tanks that I lured enemies towards via hacked cameras. In the final mission of the game, I ran into a room with my mantis blades, sliced up two guys, then used a super jump to pounce and dismember a sniper on the catwalk above me. From there, I hacked an enemy mech to turn on their own friends, while shooting from a distance with my high powered sniper rifle. Then two guys ambushed my on the catwalk from either side, so I dashed into the air, slowed time, and crit head-shotted them both before touching down on the ground, whipping out my legendary throwing knife and playing the best game of darts of my fucking life with the remaining few soldiers. The gunplay may not be the best, but you can get around that with the myriad ways to approach a given combat encounter.
OPEN WORLD: One of the few modern games that "deserves" to be open world. There are so many intriguing characters to meet, and twisty-turny side quests to undertake. I was pretty much delighted by all of them. I even found the "grindy" quests for fixers and cyberpsychos to be enjoyable not only because they allowed me to play with my new toys, but also because many of them offered a surprising amount of depth in terms of story. Not to mention: HOLY MOLY NIGHT CITY IS GORGEOUS. I love that every neighborhood has its own character and visual identity. Pacifica is completely unique from Japantown which is completely unique from Heywood, etc.
DRIVIN': Cruising around Night City is...not great. Unless you're riding a motorcycle or one of two cars that are actually fun to drive (one being locked behind a very grindy set of not-super-fun car hijacking side quests). Almost all of the cars drive like boats on the open sea. If you want to go any kind of fast, good luck even switching lanes without fishtailing out of control and inadvertently running over a crowd of people, giving you an instant 2 star wanted level. So I cruised around on my Yaiba Kusanagi (the Akira) motorcycle most of the game, which was overall enjoyable. Oh and just as a quick note, the radio stations are super lacking and don't feel like they have much of an "identity" like the ones in GTA. The number of "good" tracks is pretty limited which kind of made my ears beg for mercy after 100+ hours.
NARRATIVE: Alright. Here's where it is. This is the part where I say the thing. The endings suck. And not just because they suck. But because they are the culmination of the rest of the narrative failures of the game compounded into one semi-shitstorm. It is ironic that Cyberpunk 2077 is adapted from a tabletop game, because it sure does not want you to roleplay in a number of key ways. People may counter my coming points by saying they are "realistic", or "fit the genre". But that's honestly bullshit. First thing's first: there are four romance options in the game. Fine. BUT you may choose only one depending on your sexual orientation (I guess 2 if you're bi). Some of them are even VOICE dependent. So if you're playing a masc V with a femme voice, you will actually have only one option.
I understand the desire to have NPCs feel like real people, but at the end of the day, I can't but wonder...what exactly do you lose by making these options so limited? In exchange for "realism", you lose player expression and their own roleplaying experience. I mean Judy being a lesbian doesn't seem to have much of an impact on who she is as a person. Nor does her storyline deal with any issues regarding being a queer person. So like...what is the cost/benefit of making her a female only love interest. The same for Panam. And River. And god help you if you play a gay man because you have goddamn Kerry as your only option. Compare this to Baldur's Gate 3. Astarion is pretty clearly queer coded, but straight women are obsessed with him and are able to romance him. Nothing is lost. None of the impact of his clearly coded plotline is marred. It's fine. You just get to...tell the story yourself with the pieces the writers give you.
How does this tie into the endings? Well, simply put, the endings exhibit the same desire to take control away from the players and into the hands of the writers. It's like a bad GM who wants you to follow their strict plotline that they planned from the beginning rather than adapt to where their players want to go with the story. Everything from V needing to die no matter what (choose one of three flavors!), to the horrible and jarring voice messages you get during the credits, to the fact that ABSOLUTELY none of the logic behind V's need to perish if they decide to go back into their own body makes any lick of sense if you think about it for more than twenty seconds. I remember sitting there on one of the dialogues with "literal AI goddess" Alt Cunningham, just thinking to myself, "Um. Why not just put my engram on the Relic so I can retake my brain. Oh wait, we're already going to literally be doing that because it's the only way back into my brain. Wait what the fuck? Why can't I just take back my brain Johhny style?"
Well, much like Fallout 4 and Mass Effect 3, the game NEEDS there to be a bittersweet ending. Which sure, okay. But it always ends one of 2 ways: either you go back into your body and only have six months to live because your...body is...rejecting your personality (Jesus fucking Christ). Or you let Johnny have your body while you skip off to into AI "heaven" with Alt. And let me tell you something, if you are playing a lady V, the thematic implications of this loss of control of your bodily autonomy to a womanizing POS is kind of sickening (sitll love you Johnny <3).
On the theme of identity and "what is consciousness", Cyberpunk 2077 fails and is pathetic compared to the likes of Prey and Soma.
And it really is just a shame because everything else in the narrative was definitely compelling. I was on the edge of my seat nearly the whole game when it came to the main storyline. So when I got a voicemail during the credits with Judy kind of vociferously saying she was breaking up with me and that "it was a shame things turned out the way they did"... after single-handedly storming Arasaka tower, carving a path of chaos and destruction through their forces, and destroying one of their most ambitious and horrific projects, leaving the most powerful and evil corporations in absolute ruin...well, I was both confused and pretty insulted. Especially after 100+ hours of gameplay.
But hey, it's so cool she was a super realistic character with her own autonomy right? So players get a choice of how they want to do combat, but not how they want to construct and roleplay the story...Why make a roleplaying game? Why is it unrealistic for a character to be player-sexual, but it's totally realistic for the player to slaughter thousands of enemies and mow down crowds of innocent civilians while never addressing it or experiencing mental trauma of being a mass murderer? The game forgot it is a power fantasy.
Most other aspects of the game delivered in a big way. The sum of its parts almost overcome the one major fault I find in it. It's pretty damn fun and engaging and I would recommend people play it still. It's just a shame that Cyberpunk 2077, a story-heavy roleplaying game is ultimately disinterested in you being the one roleplaying.
2021
This review contains spoilers
DEATHLOOP IS A SIMULATION OF ITSELF
Deathloop gets massive points for style. The music, art design, and UI are top notch. Up there with games like Persona 5 or Hades.
The gameplay is punchy and fun, especially on a PS5 Dual Sense controller. The looping, rogue-like gameplay is very engaging and novel. I also really like the way they handled PVP (although sometimes it was a very one-sided affair).
The problem is: once you've looped a handful of times, it really starts to lose all of its intrigue and incentives for exploration. I usually 100% (or at least close to 100%) most games I play. But I couldn't bring myself to do it with Deathloop because I knew the rewards would be subpar compared to what I was getting by following the main story.
Gameplay also starts to lose it's appeal because of the limit they put on your powers. You can only choose 2 powers (out of 6 or so) to progress through a level, which can somewhat feel limiting for the playstyle you might want to go for.
Finally, the game suffers from the same problem that all Arkane games have, which is abrupt and unsatisfying endings. The only Arkane ending that has ever felt satisfying to me was Prey 2017.
All in all, it's still an incredible game worth playing, it just becomes a little tedious towards your final runs.
Deathloop gets massive points for style. The music, art design, and UI are top notch. Up there with games like Persona 5 or Hades.
The gameplay is punchy and fun, especially on a PS5 Dual Sense controller. The looping, rogue-like gameplay is very engaging and novel. I also really like the way they handled PVP (although sometimes it was a very one-sided affair).
The problem is: once you've looped a handful of times, it really starts to lose all of its intrigue and incentives for exploration. I usually 100% (or at least close to 100%) most games I play. But I couldn't bring myself to do it with Deathloop because I knew the rewards would be subpar compared to what I was getting by following the main story.
Gameplay also starts to lose it's appeal because of the limit they put on your powers. You can only choose 2 powers (out of 6 or so) to progress through a level, which can somewhat feel limiting for the playstyle you might want to go for.
Finally, the game suffers from the same problem that all Arkane games have, which is abrupt and unsatisfying endings. The only Arkane ending that has ever felt satisfying to me was Prey 2017.
All in all, it's still an incredible game worth playing, it just becomes a little tedious towards your final runs.
This review contains spoilers
RESIDENT EVIL 5 IS PRETTY REPREHENSIBLE
It's really a shame.
My friend and I were couch co-oping this game as a sort of "stroll down memory lane" experience.
That game is fairly fun, if not a huge step backward from the divine Resident Evil 4. But the questions happened quickly and subtly. It began with: "Why is Sheva not on the box art?"
It then became: "Wow this story is not nearly as camp-y or fun as RE4. Why does it feel more along the lines of 'Black Hawk Down'.
But it's okay. We were still having fun playing a Resident Evil game together.
Then: "Huh. Are we in the Middle East or another part of Africa? This seems like a careless blend of 'struggling societies' invented by people who didn't really care about the place they were portraying."
RE4's location worked because Spain doesn't have as much of the uh--loaded poitical implications.
Then: "Wait are these really zombies? They kind of just seem like people."
And finally we arrived at the place. You know, THE PLACE. Where you are just sort of killing a bunch of LITERAL spear-chucking stereotypes of African tribal people. They barely exhibit any signs of being zombified.
My friend (playing Chris) sat down his controller. I (playing Sheva) fired a few shots and got overwhelmed in a corner. We both died.
We looked at each other. I spoke up. "I think that might just be how the game ends."
I promptly quit to the PS5 menu and uninstalled the game.
Also, most of the encounters/ bosses were just copy/pasted from RE4, a far superior game in every way.
It's really a shame.
My friend and I were couch co-oping this game as a sort of "stroll down memory lane" experience.
That game is fairly fun, if not a huge step backward from the divine Resident Evil 4. But the questions happened quickly and subtly. It began with: "Why is Sheva not on the box art?"
It then became: "Wow this story is not nearly as camp-y or fun as RE4. Why does it feel more along the lines of 'Black Hawk Down'.
But it's okay. We were still having fun playing a Resident Evil game together.
Then: "Huh. Are we in the Middle East or another part of Africa? This seems like a careless blend of 'struggling societies' invented by people who didn't really care about the place they were portraying."
RE4's location worked because Spain doesn't have as much of the uh--loaded poitical implications.
Then: "Wait are these really zombies? They kind of just seem like people."
And finally we arrived at the place. You know, THE PLACE. Where you are just sort of killing a bunch of LITERAL spear-chucking stereotypes of African tribal people. They barely exhibit any signs of being zombified.
My friend (playing Chris) sat down his controller. I (playing Sheva) fired a few shots and got overwhelmed in a corner. We both died.
We looked at each other. I spoke up. "I think that might just be how the game ends."
I promptly quit to the PS5 menu and uninstalled the game.
Also, most of the encounters/ bosses were just copy/pasted from RE4, a far superior game in every way.
2015
This review contains spoilers
UNTIL DAWN IS FUN UNTIL DAWN
Let me explain myself. Until Dawn is great the first time around. But when you do finally survive until dawn, a lot of the replay value goes out the window.
Let me say some good things. The game still looks great in 2022. That is saying something. The performances and casting are nice (Peter Stormare is iconic as always). It's still fun with friends who haven't played before. Also, there is an incentive to play multiple times if you want to save everyone.
However, after the first of the two big reveals toward the end of the game, you realize that everything having to do with the cabin is totally harmless--no one there can die or is in any real danger. This cheapens almost all of the scares in the entire first half of the game.
Basically, like TellTale games, once the curtain is lifted and you know how the magic trick works (all choices essentially leading to the same outcome; characters only being in real danger a couple times each, etc.), a lot of the magic is gone.
It's a great couch co-op game. But the choice to have THREE "stand-still-or-die-with-the-wonkiest-mechanic-or-else-the-best-character-dies" moments at the end was a real party foul.
Let me explain myself. Until Dawn is great the first time around. But when you do finally survive until dawn, a lot of the replay value goes out the window.
Let me say some good things. The game still looks great in 2022. That is saying something. The performances and casting are nice (Peter Stormare is iconic as always). It's still fun with friends who haven't played before. Also, there is an incentive to play multiple times if you want to save everyone.
However, after the first of the two big reveals toward the end of the game, you realize that everything having to do with the cabin is totally harmless--no one there can die or is in any real danger. This cheapens almost all of the scares in the entire first half of the game.
Basically, like TellTale games, once the curtain is lifted and you know how the magic trick works (all choices essentially leading to the same outcome; characters only being in real danger a couple times each, etc.), a lot of the magic is gone.
It's a great couch co-op game. But the choice to have THREE "stand-still-or-die-with-the-wonkiest-mechanic-or-else-the-best-character-dies" moments at the end was a real party foul.
2003
This review contains spoilers
SILENT HILL 3 IS A PRO-CHOICE VIDEOGAME
It is kind of a tall order to not compare Silent Hill 3 to its series siblings. So let's just get it out of the way.
SH3 doesn't come close to the psychological/conceptual depth of Silent Hill 2. And it lacks a Lisa transformation scene which hard carries the first game for me.
So what makes Silent Hill 3 so great? Well it's pretty simple.
Silent Hill 3 is one of the only horror games that focuses on the experiences of women. And I respect that a lot.
Walking home alone at night, being alone on the subway, losing your bodily autonomy. Oh and the plot revolving around a forced demonic pregnancy because of some psycho religious lady. These are just some the themes and horrors that SH3 focuses on.
Honestly, there's a lot I could say here praising how these topics are handled, but I don't think I could say it any better than user eurothug4000 in her YouTube video titled: "The Real Horrors of Silent Hill 3". I came across the video as soon as I finished the game last night. She puts to words everything I had a hunch about while playing. Basically, it's a brilliant analysis that most fans and series essayists overlook.
With that being said, the gameplay fails the brilliant concepts. The gameplay is more frantic and in-your-face than previous entries--but it's a little too much. Most of the enemies lack inspired design (except the closers).
Listen here, dear reader. You know how dogs are the worst enemy in every game? Well, they are the most common enemy you will come up against in Silent Hill 3. It's awful.
I also think the entire first third or so of the game is completely lacking context, especially if this is your first game in the series. There are far too many enemies for the number of items they give you. I don't mind having to dash between rooms because I don't have the ammo to fight--that can be really good horror. I do mind when the enemies are much faster than me because THEY ARE GODDAMN DOGS.
On the other hand, Cheryl rules. She's definitely tied with James as my favorite Silent Hill protagonist. She has personality and relatable reactions to moments and characters, which is oddly not on-brand for most Silent Hill games.
All in all, there is a song in this game titled "Dance With The Night Wind". That's cold as fuck.
It is kind of a tall order to not compare Silent Hill 3 to its series siblings. So let's just get it out of the way.
SH3 doesn't come close to the psychological/conceptual depth of Silent Hill 2. And it lacks a Lisa transformation scene which hard carries the first game for me.
So what makes Silent Hill 3 so great? Well it's pretty simple.
Silent Hill 3 is one of the only horror games that focuses on the experiences of women. And I respect that a lot.
Walking home alone at night, being alone on the subway, losing your bodily autonomy. Oh and the plot revolving around a forced demonic pregnancy because of some psycho religious lady. These are just some the themes and horrors that SH3 focuses on.
Honestly, there's a lot I could say here praising how these topics are handled, but I don't think I could say it any better than user eurothug4000 in her YouTube video titled: "The Real Horrors of Silent Hill 3". I came across the video as soon as I finished the game last night. She puts to words everything I had a hunch about while playing. Basically, it's a brilliant analysis that most fans and series essayists overlook.
With that being said, the gameplay fails the brilliant concepts. The gameplay is more frantic and in-your-face than previous entries--but it's a little too much. Most of the enemies lack inspired design (except the closers).
Listen here, dear reader. You know how dogs are the worst enemy in every game? Well, they are the most common enemy you will come up against in Silent Hill 3. It's awful.
I also think the entire first third or so of the game is completely lacking context, especially if this is your first game in the series. There are far too many enemies for the number of items they give you. I don't mind having to dash between rooms because I don't have the ammo to fight--that can be really good horror. I do mind when the enemies are much faster than me because THEY ARE GODDAMN DOGS.
On the other hand, Cheryl rules. She's definitely tied with James as my favorite Silent Hill protagonist. She has personality and relatable reactions to moments and characters, which is oddly not on-brand for most Silent Hill games.
All in all, there is a song in this game titled "Dance With The Night Wind". That's cold as fuck.
2016
This review contains spoilers
DARK SOULS 3 IS ACTUALLY ELDEN RING 1
Dark Souls 3 was the first FromSoftware game I played. I used to have a lot more esteem for it than I do after this most recent playthrough.
The greatest strength of DS3 are the bosses. This game has, by orders of magnitude, the best big guys and gals of their entire oeuvre. They vary in design, mechanics, and difficulty. I mean, Sister Friede is the most DIVINE boss fight they've ever executed. Dancer, Pontiff, Gael, Abyss Watchers...Hell, I even think Wolnir is fun in terms of gimmick and atmosphere.
By the way, I think people who don't like gimmick bosses are boring.
Anyway. The biggest weakness of Dark Souls 3 is its levels. Which is... "kind of a serious issue". The game is kind of a reversal of FromSoftware's typical folly: the second half has better levels than the first half. But even then there are a lot of losers.
Bland color palettes (yes I'm aware of the "ashen" intent), lackluster art design (Smoldering Lake and Catacombs are incredibly bland), and just overall "annoying" factor (Ringed City you absolute fucking nightmare)...it just leaves me feeling a sense of dread when I even imagine doing another NG+ cycle.
And that's really what's holding the game back from being a HEBI CERTIFIED 10 OUT OF 5. Because the weapons are wonderful. The drip game is divine. The bosses are choice. But if I'm not enjoying the exploration of the (overly-massive) levels...then there's a rather large chip out of this pot.
Sidebar: This game feels much more like an Elden Ring prototype than a Dark Souls sequel. I think they struck the right balance of player speed and boss movesets.
Until the Ringed City. Dark Eater Midir feels like an omen. Overly inflated healthbar. One shot moves unless you forego damage for health so you can: "Ohhhh boy! Get two-shotted instead!". It's a boring marathon and the camera can't keep up even when you're not locked on.
FromSoftware learned bad lessons from this DLC and applied them to a game that ended up utterly mediocre and frustrating in the boss department (minus a few excellent exceptions). And for this, I "must hold Dark Souls 3 to account" by keeping it at a 5 star-er.
Dark Souls 3 was the first FromSoftware game I played. I used to have a lot more esteem for it than I do after this most recent playthrough.
The greatest strength of DS3 are the bosses. This game has, by orders of magnitude, the best big guys and gals of their entire oeuvre. They vary in design, mechanics, and difficulty. I mean, Sister Friede is the most DIVINE boss fight they've ever executed. Dancer, Pontiff, Gael, Abyss Watchers...Hell, I even think Wolnir is fun in terms of gimmick and atmosphere.
By the way, I think people who don't like gimmick bosses are boring.
Anyway. The biggest weakness of Dark Souls 3 is its levels. Which is... "kind of a serious issue". The game is kind of a reversal of FromSoftware's typical folly: the second half has better levels than the first half. But even then there are a lot of losers.
Bland color palettes (yes I'm aware of the "ashen" intent), lackluster art design (Smoldering Lake and Catacombs are incredibly bland), and just overall "annoying" factor (Ringed City you absolute fucking nightmare)...it just leaves me feeling a sense of dread when I even imagine doing another NG+ cycle.
And that's really what's holding the game back from being a HEBI CERTIFIED 10 OUT OF 5. Because the weapons are wonderful. The drip game is divine. The bosses are choice. But if I'm not enjoying the exploration of the (overly-massive) levels...then there's a rather large chip out of this pot.
Sidebar: This game feels much more like an Elden Ring prototype than a Dark Souls sequel. I think they struck the right balance of player speed and boss movesets.
Until the Ringed City. Dark Eater Midir feels like an omen. Overly inflated healthbar. One shot moves unless you forego damage for health so you can: "Ohhhh boy! Get two-shotted instead!". It's a boring marathon and the camera can't keep up even when you're not locked on.
FromSoftware learned bad lessons from this DLC and applied them to a game that ended up utterly mediocre and frustrating in the boss department (minus a few excellent exceptions). And for this, I "must hold Dark Souls 3 to account" by keeping it at a 5 star-er.