2009
FPS mediocrity. Generic gunplay, generic driving, generic environments, generic skills, generic characters, generic everything. It isn't exactly garbage. It's competent, at least. But it never goes beyond that. The definition of mid.
killing Gollum with fall damage literally never got old. it was funny the entire game
2024
Creatively bankrupt knockoff of every single trendy game. Oh, and those stolen assets accusations that "have no evidence"?
"There's proving, and then there's knowing." - Bill Oakley, Better Call Saul
"There's proving, and then there's knowing." - Bill Oakley, Better Call Saul
2022
I don't think this is about how fish are made
2022
This review contains spoilers
Detective Yu: "Alright Lila we wanna know what the FUCK the plot of this game is!"
Player: "Yeah!"
Lila: "I'm the reality that all mysteries within fiction are written to be mysteries that have no inherent answer but as a character"
Detective Yu and Player: "FUCK"
Player: "Yeah!"
Lila: "I'm the reality that all mysteries within fiction are written to be mysteries that have no inherent answer but as a character"
Detective Yu and Player: "FUCK"
2004
you know when John Halo drops into a room full of enemies and is so unafraid that he goes "boo" at them, you'd think in gameplay they wouldn't instantly gun you down like a fucking dog
2018
A shockingly amazing phone game. The monotonous idle gameplay exists to pace out the psychological tests and its worth it. Perhaps another person wouldn't have the same experience, but I found the results of Es's psychological analyses to be incredibly accurate to myself. I even replayed the game a bit later to test this and I found that when I answered differently they were completely inaccurate. Could it be confirmation bias? Maybe. But it was thought provoking nontheless.
The sound effects, music, acting, visuals, branching paths, and quotable dialogue are that of a 5/5 masterpiece level game. Unfortunately, David Cage cannot write to save his android waifus lives.
This review contains spoilers
Arkham Batman: "Oh I'm so badass I'm about to fuck up all these villains in one single night and also collect a bunch of fucking goofy ass question marks"
Telltale Batman: "OH GOD OH FUCK EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART ALFRED HELP OH SHIT WARN GORDON OH FUCK COME GET ME OUT OF ARKHAM THIS CLOWN GUY IS A FREAK OH JESUS OH MY GOD OSWALD IS STEALING MY COMPANY AND HARVEY IS KICKING ME OUT OF MY HOME OH MY FUCKING GOD"
Telltale Batman: "OH GOD OH FUCK EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART ALFRED HELP OH SHIT WARN GORDON OH FUCK COME GET ME OUT OF ARKHAM THIS CLOWN GUY IS A FREAK OH JESUS OH MY GOD OSWALD IS STEALING MY COMPANY AND HARVEY IS KICKING ME OUT OF MY HOME OH MY FUCKING GOD"
2013
Slender-Man isn't even freaking me out he's just pissing me off
This entire game is an ache that emanates throughout the entire body, it's source lying somewhere deep in the back of the mind, the soul. There's only one other world I can think of that makes me feel that way. The real one. More than any other video game I've played, any fictional world I have interacted with, Revachol feels like a real place. Not because of fancy AI or beautiful graphics, but through atmosphere and dialogue. My only gripe is that the developers didn't go far enough. They didn't do more. So many view this game as a masterpiece and I understand. Really, I do. But it doesn't feel complete. It feels like a demo for something truly transcendent.
when Metro Man said "I am the Entropy: Zero - Uprising Episode 1" before proceeding to down memory erasing water and get hit by a fucking train? That's cinema
2016
I dislike this not because its edgy or tasteless but because it just isn't that fun. I can't kill people in particularly unique or satisfying ways. It's just a normal shooter with an edgy coat of paint. I've felt more postal in GTA 5 than this.
2012
Jacket doesn't speak a single word in this game and yet he's my favorite character in fiction. A man who goes from vomiting after his first hit to wiping out an entire police station and killing the leader of the fucking Russian Mafia. The final levels bring me to such an extreme high every time. But once I watch that bullet go through that old mans face, I just feel empty. I bet Jacket feels the same way. Masterpiece.
2015
"Despite everything, it's still you."
This game is legendary for a reason. A total emotional rollercoaster. A game that's so funny on the surface, but in the blink of an eye, can take a tragic turn. But it never feels unnatural. The score perfectly reflects these moments, helping bring a smile to my face or a tear to my eye. An absolute fucking masterpiece.
This game is legendary for a reason. A total emotional rollercoaster. A game that's so funny on the surface, but in the blink of an eye, can take a tragic turn. But it never feels unnatural. The score perfectly reflects these moments, helping bring a smile to my face or a tear to my eye. An absolute fucking masterpiece.