I'm sorry but this game is just fucking hideous
When I'm really fucking stressed out or depressed I'll just boot up the free roam and drive a porsche listening to the radio and it heals my soul
2012
Half a star for Lucius himself being pretty fucking cool but that's cancelled out instantly by the constant bigotry. The black guy gets the most brutal and detailed death. A maid is consistently referred to as "the latina maid". A fat woman is constantly demanding more food. You take photos of a maid getting fucked doggystyle. You peep on that same maid in the bath later on. Also, every single woman just has her panties sitting somewhere and you can pick them up. Why? No fucking reason! It genuinely reminded me of the Half-Life 2 Cinematic Mod and how Alyx just has a giant dildo on display in that. The cutscenes are just horrid too and the puzzles could be solved by a fetus that's still attached to the umbilical cord. Despite being as simple as it is, it manages to also be buggy as all hell. They decided to have some combat in this and yeah its about as dull as you'd expect. I wanted to check out the sequels because, again, I think Lucius himself is really fucking cool. Then I read about how the third game has KKK members lynching a black man and yeah, that's where I check the fuck out. Fuck this series.
2020
I tried really hard to give this a chance after the first area made me feel basically nothing but once I kept getting instakilled by a barrier in the queens basement that's when I was officially done with this DLC's shit. Also, the combat fucking sucks. I know a lot of people seem to really have hated the first games combat encounters but I liked them. Here, the combat is that you use the stomp button. It's so fucking shit and so fucking boring. In fact, I'd say the entire DLC is boring. The areas are boring, every item you get is generally the same as the ones in the base game, there are no new enemies, etc. I was excited as hell to play more Supraland after how much I enjoyed the base game so this was super disappointing tbh.
2019
This game was consistently fun the entire way through. It just keeps throwing new mechanics and ideas at you and they're all just so fucking fun. You don't need to do the puzzles the way the devs intended either. I skipped sections several times, most of those times on complete accident. That's the kind of freedom Supraland offers and I loved it. I found the developers sense of humor charming overall although some of the references to other works felt like bargain bin material. The story is also pretty strange with its race war allegories. I've seen a lot of other users criticize the combat but I thought it was really fun. This is just a fun game peeps.
2013
Okay, hear me out on this, buuuuut... this game kind of fucking kicks ass? As the many upgrades make the game itself more complex, so too does the lore surrounding your empire. In the beginning, you've just got some cursors, some grandmas, some farms, maybe a few mines. By the end game, you have genetic fucking clones of yourself making cookies. God damn floating giant brains in space who are so intelligent that they conjure cookies into existence with a thought. You go to parallel universes, steal their shit, and use it to make cookies. It's complete and utter madness. And yet, its not just a funny "hehe haha isn't this so whacky?" game. There is some genuine criticism of capitalism here. See, there isn't actually any reason to bake the cookies. Seriously. You bake cookies to get cookies to get upgrades that helps you make even more cookies faster. There is no outstanding goal outside of just more, more, more, more, more, more. You're filling a cup that will never be full. You want to see the number go higher and higher but there isn't really any point in it doing so. And yet... it feels so good. It just feels good to see that number go up. And since we get to sit back in our chairs and pull the strings of this ridiculous little cookie obsessed universe, we are completely disconnected from the consequences of our number going up. Unless, of course, you choose to pay attention. The news will often give flavor text that is relevant to your actions. This can range from "everyone loves your cookies!" to "a cookie mine collapsed and killed 17 people". Even an apocalyptic event where your grandmas become eldritch abominations is simply a new mechanic for earning cookies. Its kind of spooky at first, but then it just becomes another normal part of the gameplay loop. Again, when you are disconnected from the consequences of your actions due to your position of priviledge and power, you have no reason to care about people. I'm not sure what else to say, but I'm going to quote one bit of flavor text for one of the many, many, MANY upgrades in the game:
"You started this whole cookie venture on the simple kitchen counters of your own home. Your industrial and research facilities, sadly, have long since outgrown the confines of the little house, but you always knew it was still in there, buried somewhere. With a targeted portal, you could, conceivably, pay it a little visit for old times' sake..."
"You started this whole cookie venture on the simple kitchen counters of your own home. Your industrial and research facilities, sadly, have long since outgrown the confines of the little house, but you always knew it was still in there, buried somewhere. With a targeted portal, you could, conceivably, pay it a little visit for old times' sake..."
2016
Very basic combat and puzzles. Also this game is literally just propaganda. Propaganda for the right side, sure. But it's still propaganda. Just kind of shallow.
This review contains spoilers
Arkham Batman: "Oh I'm so badass I'm about to fuck up all these villains in one single night and also collect a bunch of fucking goofy ass question marks"
Telltale Batman: "OH GOD OH FUCK EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART ALFRED HELP OH SHIT WARN GORDON OH FUCK COME GET ME OUT OF ARKHAM THIS CLOWN GUY IS A FREAK OH JESUS OH MY GOD OSWALD IS STEALING MY COMPANY AND HARVEY IS KICKING ME OUT OF MY HOME OH MY FUCKING GOD"
Telltale Batman: "OH GOD OH FUCK EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART ALFRED HELP OH SHIT WARN GORDON OH FUCK COME GET ME OUT OF ARKHAM THIS CLOWN GUY IS A FREAK OH JESUS OH MY GOD OSWALD IS STEALING MY COMPANY AND HARVEY IS KICKING ME OUT OF MY HOME OH MY FUCKING GOD"
A short but haunting story of trauma, self-hatred, anxiety, and delusion. I liked it :)
2011
This review contains spoilers
Jeez, what a waste of time. Quite possibly the most inconsequential plotline I have ever witnessed in my life. The worst part is the story is THIS close to actually tackling something interesting and that's with whether or not to delete River from Johnny's memories. Our two protagonists delete people at multiple points within the game and discussions as to whether or not these simulated memories count as real people is brought up more than once. So realizing that the obstacle in their goal to create the simulation of going to the moon is River, the woman that Johnny married, is a genuinely interesting reveal. And what I found even more interesting is that the character I took to be more philosophical and empathetic, Eva, was actually far more willing to do such a thing as deleting River rather than the more cynical and uncaring character, Neil. I was disappointed to discover that not only did I have no choice in the matter of whether or not River is deleted, but that the story completely sidesteps this ethical question by just... letting River show up anyway! It's revealed that Eva knew what she was doing all along and simply had a plan to let Johnny have both River AND his dream to visit the moon! Okay... so why the FUCK didn't she JUST. SAY. THAT. Neil at one point tells Eva that she has a communication problem but that is not the same as just not telling someone important information. The reason she doesn't tell Neil this is so we, the player, can be left in suspense during this entire sequence. But it doesn't matter. It is a facade. In fact, the entire story is a facade. I'm sorry, but who cares that this old dude gets to experience going to the moon in his mind before he dies. It's not real! It didn't happen! Johnny's real story is far more interesting and meaningful than the story of giving him a fake life of fulfilling his "dream" that wasn't even really his dream in the first place! He never cared about going to the moon! The point of going to the moon was that River would be there! What really seals this games coffin for me though is that this story had no reason to be told through the video game format. The gameplay is SHIT. Every single section that gets gamey is SHIT. The animations being these goofy fucking RPG Maker things take me out of this very dramatic and grounded story without fail. It's SHIT. This game? Is shit! But I guess a nice old guy died so people at home cried a lot. Sorry, but I just don't get it. Suffice it to say, I think I'll pass on the rest of the trilogy. You have no idea how little I care about the weird mystery of Neil taking painkillers. It's probably just gonna be that he's fucking dying or some shit which is SUPER sad you see because, he's like, a dude we know and he's, like, dying. Truly peak storytelling.
2013
This game makes me so fucking sad. Genuinely used to be one of my favorite titles of all time. Now you're lucky if you can get a single heist working for you and your friends. I played 5 matches and out of those 5, only one worked without a hitch. Overkill defiled this games corpse before releasing the biggest piece of shit in the Payday trilogy. I will never forgive them for this atrocity.
Not as good as Casa Blanca in terms of fights but holy SHIT the Final Girl class is much better than the one from Casa Blanca. Mint-Berry Crunch is also a really great party member if you use him strategically.
Really fun DLC. I loved the vampire aesthetic and Henrietta is a really interesting party member mechanically. I wasn't really a fan of the new class that was introduced though.
I enjoyed this MUCH more than Stick of Truth. The combat is actually engaging and the hardest difficulty, mastermind, actually made me use my fucking brain sometimes. I personally found the humor to be much stronger in this title and I liked the characters much more. Probably because they actually dared to let the one girl and the one black kid be party members this time. In general, I personally found this title to tap into the ridiculousness of South Park's world more than its edgy shock humor. My problem is that it sort of just fizzles out at the end with a super anti-climactic final boss. I also found the side content to be lacking this time, with much weaker exploration than Stick of Truth. I loved the way New Kid was characterized in this game and their parents fighting was genuinely really moving for me. Only to end up kicking me in the face when a massive choice was completely retconned and it was revealed all of their issues as parents stemmed only from hiding the truth of their childs origin story. Such a lame cop out. Nontheless, this was pretty fun. Anyway, Captain Diabetes best party member.
This review contains spoilers
This has some pretty funny jokes and I find the South Park cast likeable for the most part. The combat is really easy. I played on hardcore and was still curbstomping every fight start to finish. The game is also really sexist and really racist which I know sounds confusing because this is South Park! Shouldn't I know its #shocking and OFFENSIVE and D A R K H U M O R?!?!?!!?! Yeah, whatever, its shocking but my issue is that Tolkien is literally like the one black character here and all the female characters have no major impact on the story. The one other black character is Chef who is revived as a nazi zombie and then you murder him with your ass powers. I'm not even really upset about this from an offensive standpoint but just that its really fucking boring. Even a main character like Kyle gets barely any screentime until you FINALLY get him as a companion at the VERY END. I couldn't even play as a FUCKING GIRL. It just ended up being pretty much middle of the road by the end. I'm playing Fractured But Whole next and hoping that I'll enjoy it much, much more.
Edit: Nah actually the game is kind of just bad.
Edit: Nah actually the game is kind of just bad.