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As funny as financial breakdowns of failed preventative surgeries. As fast-paced as Stonehenge. As well-written as a 12-hour video essay on iCarly. To call this the bottom of the barrel would imply that this is something I'd ever want to store, transport, or maintain. To call this bottom-tier implies I would consider it mentionable. Representative of the worst that pop culture has to offer. Euthanasia gaming.
Luigi's Mansion
2001
The game that secured Luigi as the sex symbol we now know and love.
Chrome Dino
2014
Alright then. So I was in my computing class and we were about to get underway with the lesson. Slowly everyone came in one by one and sat down at their computer and turned it on. I was funnily enough the first one there and had already turned everything off. By the time I turned chrome on however…there was an error. The Wi-Fi in the school had completely gone down. Everyone in the class was confused and so was our teacher. As soon as he saw the Wi-Fi was down he went out the classroom and left us to it. So it was just us. 18 kids in a classroom seeing the same ‘there is no internet connection’ and the same…dinosaur. Immediately, someone in the class looked at me and knew exactly what we needed to do. He gathered the other boys in the class and all at the same time…we pressed the space bar. The small pixelated dino jumped and that’s when it began. We set up a mini tournament right there and then and so we all tried to get as far as we could. After 5 minutes, I’d already made it to a high score of around 2000 whilst the person next to me, who was essentially my rival at this point, was at around 2100. No one even came close to where we were. We had almost got down everything about the game and could easily predict when we needed to jump and when we didn’t, even out the corner of our eye. Eventually, however, our teacher returned and announced that the Wi-Fi would be turned back on soon. Surprisingly, he was actually impressed with what were able to do in the game, and by the time the lesson finally continued to how it was supposed to be. We were all very very satisfied.
Dino, jumping, no internet, fuck them pterodactyls
Dino, jumping, no internet, fuck them pterodactyls
Well at least Justin's not here.
Slightly less ad-libbed, as repetitious as ever in its jokes and play. Space Applebees caught you offguard last time? Well here's Cheers under an alien's ass. In case you didn't catch that the slugs are on the salt planet, I'll tell you a few more times. Guys, Amazon workers deal with horrid conditions, get it? Knifey sure is violent.
The new pinball gun is the most interesting weapon in the game, adorned with three phat ass babbling blue boys. High on Knife mostly throws basic enemies at you as a realisation that the gameplay really isn't what you're here for. The bells and whistles providing some auditory relief. Press F topay respects kill enemies instantly and get it over with. Surfing on walls is vaguely cool if poorly realised, especially with Knifey telling you the act itself is cool.
As paltry as the gameplay is, at least it can be engaged with while the cast is yammering. On the other side of the coin, whenever dialogue occurs it is usually two characters talking at you. Or three. Sometimes even four. Three quarters of the screen are eventually squatted in by characters in dark rooms with monotone pink walls and swarms of pink enemies. To call it an assault on the eyes and ears is to undersell it. Maybe it was because thirteen people were goofing in my ears the whole time. Even before the aggravations reach a crescendo, the eye drifts across a featureless white planet, and rote gunmetal corridors. Almost everyone is a slug or a cock with tits. There is simply nothing to break things up.
At least Justin's not here. Not a stammer in sight. As one-dimensional as he is, Knifey carries(?) the whole two hours thanks to Michael Cusack's performance. Though by the end I was hoping even he would shut up. And Tim Robinson. And Gabourey Sidibe. I wish they'd all just zip it for a second if only so my friends could hear my great jokes instead.
Slightly less ad-libbed, as repetitious as ever in its jokes and play. Space Applebees caught you offguard last time? Well here's Cheers under an alien's ass. In case you didn't catch that the slugs are on the salt planet, I'll tell you a few more times. Guys, Amazon workers deal with horrid conditions, get it? Knifey sure is violent.
The new pinball gun is the most interesting weapon in the game, adorned with three phat ass babbling blue boys. High on Knife mostly throws basic enemies at you as a realisation that the gameplay really isn't what you're here for. The bells and whistles providing some auditory relief. Press F to
As paltry as the gameplay is, at least it can be engaged with while the cast is yammering. On the other side of the coin, whenever dialogue occurs it is usually two characters talking at you. Or three. Sometimes even four. Three quarters of the screen are eventually squatted in by characters in dark rooms with monotone pink walls and swarms of pink enemies. To call it an assault on the eyes and ears is to undersell it. Maybe it was because thirteen people were goofing in my ears the whole time. Even before the aggravations reach a crescendo, the eye drifts across a featureless white planet, and rote gunmetal corridors. Almost everyone is a slug or a cock with tits. There is simply nothing to break things up.
At least Justin's not here. Not a stammer in sight. As one-dimensional as he is, Knifey carries(?) the whole two hours thanks to Michael Cusack's performance. Though by the end I was hoping even he would shut up. And Tim Robinson. And Gabourey Sidibe. I wish they'd all just zip it for a second if only so my friends could hear my great jokes instead.
Rise of Skywalker if it was an Ace Attorney game
>look for a new ace attorney game
>ask Capcom if their game is satire or shonen
>they don't understand
>pull up a diagram explaining what is satire and what is shonen
>they laugh and say "It's a good game sir"
>buy the game
>it's shonen
>ask Capcom if their game is satire or shonen
>they don't understand
>pull up a diagram explaining what is satire and what is shonen
>they laugh and say "It's a good game sir"
>buy the game
>it's shonen
" Mion can I go to your school? "
" For wholesome doppelganger moment? "
" Yeeeeess wholesome doppelganger moment. "
Actually becomes the writer excuse to justify child abuse like a boss.
" For wholesome doppelganger moment? "
" Yeeeeess wholesome doppelganger moment. "
Actually becomes the writer excuse to justify child abuse like a boss.
This review contains spoilers
In my opinion, Meakashi is the best arc of Higurashi. It’s intense, cathartic, and wonderfully paced. Meakashi is basically a character study of Shion, most of which takes place while she is by herself or consumed by her thoughts. While this is certainly a different approach, I think it works in Meakashi’s favor, because Shion is such a compelling and well-written character, definitely one of Ryukishi07’s best.
Meakashi’s portrayal of trauma and isolation and their effect on your mental health is superb. While often presenting herself to others as confident, fun-loving, and friendly, she is in actuality a very lonely, cold, self-loathing, and manipulative person. Her whole life, Shion has been abused, rejected, and neglected by her family, many of which are violent yakuza; these factors have left a lasting impact on her mental health. She’s essentially abandoned at a boarding school that she despises, and when she escapes to Okinomiya she must live in isolation to avoid being caught and tortured by her own family. Whenever she does go out, she must dress up as her sister to avoid detection. While she attempts to cope by projecting herself onto the Houjou siblings and becoming increasingly involved in their lives, she can never truly shake her feelings of distrust, rage, and loneliness. Her self-hatred and anger initially manifest as hateful thoughts towards Satoko, who she relates to the most, but gradually become more intense and destructive as the arc goes on. You truly feel just as trapped as Shion as she tries to make sense of everything she’s gone through, especially after the slight time-skip that happens around halfway through the arc.
It’s not only Shion that makes this arc good- Higurashi is a psychological horror visual novel after all, and this is one of the most genuinely unnerving arcs in the series, especially near the end when you are trapped in Shion’s mind as she tries to justify her increasingly violent and irrational decisions. The mystery element is also strong- while this is the first “answer arc”, and it certainly does clear up the questions from Watanagashi-hen, it leaves the reader with a long list of still-unanswered questions, and leaves you wanting to read on and unravel the rest of Hinamizawa’s tale. Another thing I love about Meakashi is how it captures Shion’s mental state following her escape, and her overall feeling of aimlessness post-trauma. The complicated feeling of wanting to recover, but being unable to shake your hurt and bitterness, constantly retreating into your memories, and just feeling… stagnant and unchanging, is genuinely so perfectly captured.
I also really love this video analysis, as I think it breaks down both the arc and Shion as a character wonderfully, though be warned that it contains spoilers for Higurashi as a whole. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIqrUmJLr5A
Meakashi’s portrayal of trauma and isolation and their effect on your mental health is superb. While often presenting herself to others as confident, fun-loving, and friendly, she is in actuality a very lonely, cold, self-loathing, and manipulative person. Her whole life, Shion has been abused, rejected, and neglected by her family, many of which are violent yakuza; these factors have left a lasting impact on her mental health. She’s essentially abandoned at a boarding school that she despises, and when she escapes to Okinomiya she must live in isolation to avoid being caught and tortured by her own family. Whenever she does go out, she must dress up as her sister to avoid detection. While she attempts to cope by projecting herself onto the Houjou siblings and becoming increasingly involved in their lives, she can never truly shake her feelings of distrust, rage, and loneliness. Her self-hatred and anger initially manifest as hateful thoughts towards Satoko, who she relates to the most, but gradually become more intense and destructive as the arc goes on. You truly feel just as trapped as Shion as she tries to make sense of everything she’s gone through, especially after the slight time-skip that happens around halfway through the arc.
It’s not only Shion that makes this arc good- Higurashi is a psychological horror visual novel after all, and this is one of the most genuinely unnerving arcs in the series, especially near the end when you are trapped in Shion’s mind as she tries to justify her increasingly violent and irrational decisions. The mystery element is also strong- while this is the first “answer arc”, and it certainly does clear up the questions from Watanagashi-hen, it leaves the reader with a long list of still-unanswered questions, and leaves you wanting to read on and unravel the rest of Hinamizawa’s tale. Another thing I love about Meakashi is how it captures Shion’s mental state following her escape, and her overall feeling of aimlessness post-trauma. The complicated feeling of wanting to recover, but being unable to shake your hurt and bitterness, constantly retreating into your memories, and just feeling… stagnant and unchanging, is genuinely so perfectly captured.
I also really love this video analysis, as I think it breaks down both the arc and Shion as a character wonderfully, though be warned that it contains spoilers for Higurashi as a whole. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIqrUmJLr5A
Bricks Pinball VI
2021
how do I unhack a Nintendo 3DS
When I declared Xenoblade Chronicles 3 my favorite game of all time last year, I had so many people tell me it was all due to "recency bias" and "the honeymoon phase" that would all wear off with time.
13 months, three playthroughs, and an incredible story DLC later, I not only still hold this as my favorite game of all time, but I love it even more than I did after my first playthrough. All the unresolved questions have been answered, all my previous nitpicks I've come to terms with... and I can still confidently say Xenoblade 3 is the greatest, most profound work of fiction I have ever experienced.
I could never possibly praise Xenoblade 3 enough. It's perfect. Peak fiction. Changed my life forever, and I'm still feeling its effects on me every day
13 months, three playthroughs, and an incredible story DLC later, I not only still hold this as my favorite game of all time, but I love it even more than I did after my first playthrough. All the unresolved questions have been answered, all my previous nitpicks I've come to terms with... and I can still confidently say Xenoblade 3 is the greatest, most profound work of fiction I have ever experienced.
I could never possibly praise Xenoblade 3 enough. It's perfect. Peak fiction. Changed my life forever, and I'm still feeling its effects on me every day
Pikmin
2001
Coming to this after growing up on Pikmin 2 and 3 was harrowing - Pikmin AI is borderline nonfunctional, their capacity to take any initiative without your direct babysitting is obscene. Every enemy encounter is ruthless, something as mundane as a Bulburb can rinse 9-15 of your troops if you do anything less than completely dogpiling it. There's very specific quirks and annoyances that don't even feel like the result of its time, but intentional choices to make the world feel more hostile and out of your control.
But I liked it for that really. You gotta corral the pikmin around as if they were dawdling ankle-biters and you're a begrudging parental figure. Olimar says as much in one of the travel logs. And as any responsible father should, I took immense pride when my dumb idiot gremlins somehow completed their menial labor without falling in a lake.
The Children Yearn For The Mines.
But I liked it for that really. You gotta corral the pikmin around as if they were dawdling ankle-biters and you're a begrudging parental figure. Olimar says as much in one of the travel logs. And as any responsible father should, I took immense pride when my dumb idiot gremlins somehow completed their menial labor without falling in a lake.
The Children Yearn For The Mines.
In his video last year regarding context sensitivity, Matthewmatosis opens by describing Ghost Trick as entirely context-sensitive: the main action button ("trick") always performs a different action depending on the item possessed. However, he points this out as an exception to the trend of heavy context-sensitivity weighing down modern titles, because simply put, Ghost Trick uses context-sensitivity not as a crutch, but as its core. It never seems to suffer from fuzzy context: the game not only gives you plenty of safe time to experiment with set-pieces leading up to timed sequences (since untimed traversal to the victim is every bit a puzzle in itself), but also briefly describes the single "trick" of each object possessed to give players an idea of how to progress. Furthermore, Ghost Trick's difficulty hits a perfect sweet-spot: it doesn't feel free because traversal and manipulating objects to your advantage require a good degree of planning and experimentation, but failure also never feels too punishing because other characters and the environment are great at providing thoughtful feedback upon failure, so the player isn't just banging their head against a wall via quick restarts at built-in checkpoints.
Essentially, it's like playing the ancestor of Return of the Obra Dinn but with a time loop mechanic attached. The objective remains simple (travel back to four minutes before death to avert fate), but how to achieve said objective is always completely dictated by your surroundings. As a result, it naturally iterates upon its basic structure to create more unconventional scenarios: soon you're not just manipulating objects for traversal and foiling assassins, you're also solving locked room mysteries, or traveling to different environments to save victims from elsewhere, or diving into deaths within deaths to avert multiple fates at a time. Through all of this, Ghost Trick understands one of the key strengths of video games: creating virtual playgrounds of experimentation unsaddled by the limitations of time to reward players through the joy of discovery. The player is constantly surprised time and time again not only from unexpected object interactions, but also from how the narrative weaves in and out of death sequences to create suspenseful moments. It's a minor miracle in itself that the story never jumps the shark: the gameplay mechanics remain firmly consistent alongside its lore, and every plot thread is neatly wrapped up by the end of the game after a series of subtly foreshadowed twists. Combine this marrying of storytelling and gameplay with expressive animations, a colorful and very personable cast, an understated yet powerful soundtrack, and a great mix of humor and emotional moments, and you get what is perhaps the most cohesive title in the DS library.
It's rather poetic that a game which looked simple on the outside provided such an intricate exercise for Shu Takumi to prove that he was no one-trick pony. I'm grateful that Ghost Trick has finally been ported to modern systems for a whole new audience to lose their minds over this, for it's a masterpiece that everyone owes to themselves to check out. At the end of the day, nothing feels quite as cathartic as miraculously changing destiny in the face of inevitable death.
Essentially, it's like playing the ancestor of Return of the Obra Dinn but with a time loop mechanic attached. The objective remains simple (travel back to four minutes before death to avert fate), but how to achieve said objective is always completely dictated by your surroundings. As a result, it naturally iterates upon its basic structure to create more unconventional scenarios: soon you're not just manipulating objects for traversal and foiling assassins, you're also solving locked room mysteries, or traveling to different environments to save victims from elsewhere, or diving into deaths within deaths to avert multiple fates at a time. Through all of this, Ghost Trick understands one of the key strengths of video games: creating virtual playgrounds of experimentation unsaddled by the limitations of time to reward players through the joy of discovery. The player is constantly surprised time and time again not only from unexpected object interactions, but also from how the narrative weaves in and out of death sequences to create suspenseful moments. It's a minor miracle in itself that the story never jumps the shark: the gameplay mechanics remain firmly consistent alongside its lore, and every plot thread is neatly wrapped up by the end of the game after a series of subtly foreshadowed twists. Combine this marrying of storytelling and gameplay with expressive animations, a colorful and very personable cast, an understated yet powerful soundtrack, and a great mix of humor and emotional moments, and you get what is perhaps the most cohesive title in the DS library.
It's rather poetic that a game which looked simple on the outside provided such an intricate exercise for Shu Takumi to prove that he was no one-trick pony. I'm grateful that Ghost Trick has finally been ported to modern systems for a whole new audience to lose their minds over this, for it's a masterpiece that everyone owes to themselves to check out. At the end of the day, nothing feels quite as cathartic as miraculously changing destiny in the face of inevitable death.
Kingdom Hearts III
2019
hercules has been my favourite movie of all times for as long as i can remember to a point that i dont know if theres been any contender whatsoever in the landscape of the films ive seen since my birth
theres other movies that i deem as favs see the way he looks the wolf of wall street blade runner american psycho shutter island nocturnal animals black swan basically every single disney + pixar movie ever and lots of other stuff i still go back to hercules every single month of my life and i cant really shake the feeling that its just a movie made entirely for me like disney producers really had a meeting and said we are gonna make a movie for user lvbldevil to watch any time he feels depressed or suicidal and they managed to make that real
maybe its because ive been watching it since i was a toddler or maybe its because i love the renaissance disney animation style or maybe even because i really resonate with the themes of the movie or the characters and storylines but to that i cant even tell you
but anyway what does this even have to do with KH3
ummmmmmh the very first world you explore in this game is olympus coliseum i mean not really coliseum anymore but yknow hercules was explored to the fucking limits its probably the level that stayed as a staple for most of the games in the series so i wasnt expecting to be that blown away this time around and still guys this entire world was an incredible experience
as the opening world it has the tutorials and incipit and all and im so fucking glad this was the one because its an incredible sight that i thought about even at the ending of the game like i was in the final world and i kept thinking damn but did they eat with hercules this time like exactly 25 hours later i was just in deep awe at this one idk
in the first game i was a bit let down by the fact that my fav disney movie was confined to only a coliseum then they expanded it during kingdom hearts II and i already couldnt believe it how good it was but now they blew it out of the water and gave me not only the complete full uncut kingdom hearts disney world experience but this is an unbelievable way to experience yet again one of the movies that accompanied my entire existence
hercules and megara and all the other characters are as lovable as i remember thebes and olympus and the lands of greece are absolutely stunning to traverse and fight in and explore its idk i was almost brought to tears at how beautiful it was it just kept pulling at my heartstrings it was wow
umh anyway i think im done with that and probably it got too sentimental for my own good
NOW KINGDOM HEARTS III AMIRITE ? possibly one of the games that i wanted to play the most since its release and i couldnt first because of my potato pc and also because i needed to marathon the whole fucking series which i finally did
now what do i talk about first umh …….. umh idk this game is huge like really huge i have no idea what to say to be honest i mean its probably gonna be kind of all mild heavy spoiler territory from now on so you should have played it before reading this possibly
so the story picks up from the end of dream drop distance clearly you should play 0.2 first too and follows a powerless sora that has to retrieve his power of waking to continue his journey and finally help aqua and the others out of their decades of grief
they begin to explore every single world and now im gonna do an excursus for the disney worlds in this one im sorry im long winded
DISNEY WORLD EXCURSUS
hercules kh3 is and will be my favourite world in any kingdom hearts ever but we already talked about that plentiful and all
i hate toy story i mean actually i dont hate HATE it but its not like i have any positive feelings for it that being said this world was a fucking slog and its maybe also because the story was oh no we lost some toys boo hoo . fuck you boring ass characters
monstropolis was fun and i liked the fact that they rearranged the story a bit and didnt completely put the same entire plot of the movies in it (im watching at you frozen and tangled) but its fine and sora monster shouldnt be this cute
frozen and tangled are basically the disney movies with sora and the others in the background while the plot unfolds but make up for that with beautiful beautiful worlds and landscapes its just breathtaking
pirates of caribbean is a fucking blast with the plot and ship fighting and all and also the places you visit are jaw dropping very very cool
100 acre wood is the same since kh1 just with a coat of unreal engine on top
san fransokyo is also great but i wanted the city to be more mmmm eccentric like in a stray (2022) japanese inspired kind of environments but its fine its a metropolis and it sells that idea + the bridge fight is super cool
traverse town is also the same but with some different stuff and also i will not forgive the developers to make the station tower inaccessible thats robbing me of a very emotional place mind you
keyblade graveyard is also augmented in UE and the labyrinth is kind of a really cool addition
and in the end theres scala ad caelum a MASSIVE location that i completely adored its just wow i was speechless seeing it in union x isnt the same as seeing it here its amazing
END OF EXCURSUS
so what happens is while going through this worlds encounters late members of the organization (marluxia larxene luxord i love you guys youre literally my family alright) that now are out and about because of vessels they are using in the present from the past or whatever have no idea what this plot point is about but its great i love it and basically what xehanort is trying to do is put his heart into every single organization member and make them battle with the guardians of light to unlock the chiblade yet again wow
in the meantime for this final battle to happen sora manages to save aqua from the darkness (1 cry) then with her help they also get ventus out of his slumber (2 cries) so they can finally take on the xehanort affair together
so with 7 umh 7 ? i dont remember 7 i think warriors of light wait lemme count aqua ventus sora mickey axel/lea (my boyfriend) kairi and riku ok thats seven lets go + goofy and donald they go to the graveyard to be completely SLAIN by terranort and i was honestly dumbfounded at that moment i thought some of my choices resulted in a bad ending or something honestly and then one of my fav worlds out there
the final world in which sora recomposes himself with the help of chirithy (the little animal from union x) and travels back through time to that moment when terra in his army suit gets his body back so thats 8 now
what happens now is you gotta fight with every single organization member kh2 style and i will say that it was pretty sad for some of them to be defeated in such a manner definitely because the organization has some of my fav characters from the entirety of kingdom hearts so thats something
and now for the most fucking heart breaking moment of this game
one for one you have to side with 2 or 3 characters against some of their enemies or anyway people that have some relation to them
clearly when you get to kairi and axel you know whats gonna happen is you battle against saix/isa axels childhood friend and an unknown nobody (guess who will it be omg i have no idea) and when xemnas almost strikes axel they protect him and its revealed that theyre in fact xion and after soras plea and this helps to release roxas heart into a new vessel (people died ok and im people) so you fight alongside roxas and xion WITH AN ARRANGEMENT OF ROXAS AND XION THEME I HAD GOOSEBUMPS DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE OK its just ughhhhhhh i hold these characters too dear to my heart
they defeat saix some more heartfelt exchanges between axel and isa and he vanishes
silence and the first thing that breaks this silence is xions cries in the middle of nowhere with her theme in the background and when i tell you that in this instant i could not take it any longer and completely broke down in a crying fit i swear to fucking god this was too much for my pure heart its just idk these what 20 seconds ANNIHILATED ME i cannot make this shit up for me this is the highest point in all of kingdom hearts 3 and i dont care what anyone says i love my babies a not so normal amount
so anyway after the best scene in all kingdom hearts you decimate the organization members and youre back against xehanort he fucking breaks kairi apart and this opens the way for the chiblade to be reformed and at that point kingdom hearts is summoned you get to battle against him in scala ad caelum the world where keyblade masters once resided and its an incredible battle i do still prefer the final battle against xemnas in kh2 but this is just a great great great clash
you beat xehanort and eraqus makes him stop with the power of love like theres a lot of flashbacks to young xehanort and eraqus playing chess together and they also vanish together now tell me with a straight face they dont love each other
now the finale . everyone is back together they all smile and be happy and live their best life but sora is gonna go after kairi and look for her again
i have no idea what happens to sora and its probably something that will haunt me forever since in the final scene its hinted that hes with kairi but he vanishes shortly after (i also cried like a bitch here) so boys and girls i have no answers for you at the moment
and dont ask me why hes in shibuya
all in all i loved this story even tho its king of lets all love each other and a tad weaker in comparison to kingdom hearts 2 but its fine ok i love you anyway kingdom hearts 3
the story still managed to make me so damn emotional in the end and i was so glad to see every single character in this series like what kingdom hearts is great at its just sheer nostalgia i always feel like crying its incredible
in the end they finally get to give a body to naminé i swear i had another crying fit i shoulve counted how many crying fits i had in this and honestly maybe i dont even want to know but yea THATS MY SWEET BABY
also the secret ending with the back cover/union x characters kind of is a big reveal but its up to you to know what the fuck that means im not those guys who make theories on theories i just like to be braindead and experience stuff as it is presented to me amen
NOW
lets wrap this up quick
graphics are a sight to behold honestly disney worlds are characterised to heaven and back and the characters all look gorgeous its just stunning stunning stunning
outstanding step up from the graphics from 0.2 i didnt think they could do better than that but they really smashed their big unreal engine dick in my face this time around
magics look incredible animations are super fluid and everyone is hot
the gameplay is kind of standard ish kingdom hearts at this point but they added some new keypoints
explorations now has a greater focus also thanks to little collectibles side quests like emblems to photographs that look like king mickeys ears and some moogle requests to take pictures of places around the different worlds that are a cute additions to the playthrough
you can cook you can do some simulated fights you can synthesize stuff you can do go around with the gummi ship in the entire cosmos which is cool to do like explore the open world ish gummi segments and fight some stuff or collect some new loot
now the battle system oooooooh boy theres basically everything . the skeleton is kingdom hearts 2 battle system but they added some new commands that pop up after you manage to hit enemies are certain number of times and this can be mega spells or a special ability with a party member or a special keyblade transformation
yeah i said transformation and thats because EVERY SINGLE KEYBLADE GOT UP TO 2 EVOLUTIONS naaaaaaaaaaah and they all have v different play styles its so fun i assure you i never used all the keyblades in other games but this time i was just using all of them to see the evolved forms and its UGHHHHHHH i love it im so fucking down for evolutions in every game format whatsoever
i love this battle system i love it so much i would play this game to death
theres also umh attractions which are something that exists in this game . i dont particularly hate them or love them but i kind of ended up skipping them because theyre not that fun to use compared to the other stuff in here but theyre interesting additions that make this game even more frantic than it already is
also the other usual stuff is here count down MP magic AP abilities and also flowmotion is back which is great i loved it in DDD and seeing it back here
basically in this game theres everything that they ever put in the kingdom hearts series apart from command deck i miss you command decks oh and also the re:com card system but that one should burn in hell
you fight against everything and everyone unversed heartless and nobodies (which look great in this one obviously)
umh anyway
ost is great and its basically a best of kingdom hearts series sometimes rearranged for that sweet sweet modern approach or maybe
theres a lot of stuff from union x rearranged a lot of kingdom hearts II 358/2 days and birth by sleep here its just FEELS MAN i cant put all of them here because i should just hyperlink the entire ost at this point and also because i need to relisten to it when im calm and i wont cry at every single note in these pieces of music
and anyway vector to the heavens is fucking great LIKE you put roxas theme and xions theme in the same track in a battle arrangement and pretend like im not gonna scream with all my lungs to the heavens because this is just incredible my body reached nirvana my soul expired
theres new arrangements for the 13th struggle for luxord and larxene theres l’impeto oscuro for xehanort l’eminenza dell’oscuro for ansem and l’oscurità dell’ignoto for xemnas (flexing the fact that im the only one here whos gonna pronounce these names correctly because im italian suck my dick) theres even the 13th dilemma for both xigbar and saix and forza finale its just UGHHHHH + all the new disney worlds tracks this is an incredible score its just out of this world entirely
and the new stuff is great like wave of darkness the final battle ? fucking unbelieavable
and in particular in the graveyard when theres themes respectively for every single pair of characters AND THAT ONE really hit me right in the feels its great
honorary mention to chikai instrumental version opening that plays out in the title screen when you boot up the game thats great and gave me fucking goosebumps yknow idk i just feel like crying again here
all in all theres a lot of stuff i want to say about this game but my uni studies are calling me and i dont even get payed for this stuff maybe when i open a youtube channel but i guess this is all
i dont have the words to say how much i love this game it may be flawed and its story may be a bit incoherent and fan servicey and all but i just cant help but be completely bewitched by this one
its not as monumental as kingdom hearts II and its not a timeless classic as kingdom hearts I or even my fav narrative work in the entire series (thats 358/2 clearly) but this is a game that i wont get off of my mind for some time for sure and the amount of tears this made me shed is enough for me to remember it as dearly as possible
if you think this is utter trash i understand but im not you im not one of the longtime fans i played this series for the first time in 1 month and its spectacular you can just not emulate the nostalgia that this series gives you in any way shape or form and thats probably why i came back to finally finish this marathon once and for all and it was a damn fucking ride
maybe i am a kingdom hearts fag now maybe thats what ive become ? well whatever im cringe but im free and AXEL PLEASE AXEL COME HOME AXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL
will be tuning in for kingdom hearts 4 surely so until then i will just remember this game as a dearly beloved experience DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE DID YOU SEEEEEE
ok enough
i love kingdom hearts there i said it im sorry people ok im really done now
have a nice day and i cant wait to cry again as soon as i see videos on quotes like "You never stopped lighting my way back." or "Sora, you don't believe that...I know you don't." OR MOST HEARTBREAKING OF ALL "It's alright...Xion."
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
lets roll the playthough comments for those who have nothing to do but read these reviews i make for me myself and i:
clearly the opening is fap material as always
characters in this new graphic style look kinda weird but I love it
riku is possibly the most final fantasy character in this game I think
I like the more open world ish gummi segments but maybe I preferred kh2 levels more but maybe that's just me
AXEL IS SO HOT IN HD GRAPHICS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD AXEL IM FREE ON SATURDAY IF YOU WANNA WATCH A MOVIE OR KISS OR CUDDLE ON SATURDAY THE DAY WHEN IM FREE
the different keyblade transformations are making me lose my mind why is this game so fun what the fuck
LETS GOOOOO THERES MARLUXIA BEST BOY GO GET THAT ASS
I will literally fight anyone who thinks goofy is useless I swear hes so cool I love him
toy story unh i dont like toy story and im not enjoying the trajectory of this plot it's just yknow maybe I hate toy story is that what this game made me realise
i cant believe the rapunzel plotline is the same just with sora and Co in the background is so funny what the hell
the fucking let it go is killing me I can't escape frozen anywhere its gonna haunt me till I die (I like frozen)
larxene can you like idk peg me or something can i say that on this site
THE FUCKING FROZEN WORLD FINAL BOSS FIGHT IS OUTSTANDING OH MY GOD I love that ice dragon hes so cool what the fuck
what even is the power of waking im gonna go crazy can someone explain it to me CAN YOU GUYS JUST GET AQUA OUT OF THERE IM GONNA GO WILD
oh no there's luxord oh no he's hot this game is becoming too dangerous for me
just realised I got the same number of earrings of luxord dammmmn is that a sign from god that we should fuck oh no I meant umh cut the cameras deadass
NOT PIRATES OF CARIBBEAN AGAIN STOP ITS GONNA BE UNCANNY VALLEY AGAIN NOOOOO
SORA LOOKS SO CUTE WITH PIRATE CLOTHES NOOOO OH MY GOD MY BABY I BIRTHED HIM
ok actually they look less uncanny than I thought because graphics got better + Johnny depp is look really snack here
i love assassins creed 4 black flag
no I really can't go on like this any time an organization member shows up i get h0rnee no please this is unfair like you expect to put larxene luxord and friends in front of my face and expect for me to be completely unfazed ? sorry that's not who I am
luxord: "put a leash on…" me me . me put in on me me me me @me me #me "me" (me) [me] me+me=me me x me
not me having a complete crying fit when they saved aqua this is actually like top 10 crying fits I had in a game no that's not true actually I cried for a lot of games
ok well it was fun playing as aqua for 3 minutes
aqua hugging ven was kinda umh … I'm gonna cry again
oh my god ven thanking sora for keeping him sage also gonna make me cry this game I swear
axel alone on the watchtower with 3 ice creams made me cry some more ok
ok sora and kairi exchanging the star fruits making me cry some more whats the count 5 damns
who the fuck is xemnas voice actor i want him to speak dirty to me in my ears
damn donald kinda bomber with zettaflare alright
sora screaming kinda my guiding spirit
did I just get a bad ending what ?
A CHIRITHY ? WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK IM SO CONFUSEDBWHATS HAPPENING
EPHEMER ?????? I DONT UNDERSTAND HELLOOOOO
are these the player names of union x what is honestly happening in this god forsaken video game I have no idea i swear
this is so stupid oh my god completely took me out of the experience for a sec
yen sid going full moses
I love marluxia hes so cool
the labyrinth is so good what the hell every single location in this game has the polygons out of the solar system but also I havent played that many current gen games as of yet so that could also be the reason why
ansem and xemnas I wanted to let you know that I got 2 holes
CLONE RIKU SAVING A VESSEL FOR NAMINE IS MAKING ME TEAR MY HAIR OFF I SWEAR
can somebody give axel new clothes that coat must stink give it to me
NOT XION PLEASE DONT MAKE ME CRY AGAIN
ROXAS OH MY GOSBOCKSODKLSKCPWKOFKSKSJ MY SWEET LITTLE ANGEL
I literally got chills the arrangement of roxas theme I sweat to fucking god AND THERES ALSO XIONS THEME IN THERE IM GONNA GO CRAZYYYYYYY FUUUUUUCK THIS GAME
no here it is I couldnt bear xion and the others crying so now I just paused the game to have a crying fit wouldnt you know wow
terra is so hot and FOR WHAT
another crying fit lets goooooo
still dont know what kingdom hearts is
wow just noticed that ven and roxas side to side look identical
XION I LOVE YOUUUU OH MY GOD ROXAS-AXEL-XION SUPREMATIST HERE
how did he even pronounce scala ad caelum
LETS GO FINAL BATTLE AGAINST EVIL BALD GUY
OMG THE FAKE GAME OVER SCREEN FUUUUUUUCK
THE KEYHOLE ANIMATION OF KH2 IM GOING WILD
daddy eraqus hello there
xehanort and eraqus had steamy hot sex btw i dont make the rules theyre literally the achilles and patroclus of KH lore
this is just one cry after the other right
why do they look better in ingame models than CGI models im so confused
NO THE FINALE IS KILLING ME OH MY GODBCOSNSKSB FUUUUUUUUCK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
THERES KAIRI NOW IN THE TITLE SCREEN OMGGGGG THEYRE SO CUTE WHAAAA
PS
wrote this with chikai orchestral version in the background and ended up crying again
crying counter: 99+ too emotional for this shit
would suck axel dry/10
theres other movies that i deem as favs see the way he looks the wolf of wall street blade runner american psycho shutter island nocturnal animals black swan basically every single disney + pixar movie ever and lots of other stuff i still go back to hercules every single month of my life and i cant really shake the feeling that its just a movie made entirely for me like disney producers really had a meeting and said we are gonna make a movie for user lvbldevil to watch any time he feels depressed or suicidal and they managed to make that real
maybe its because ive been watching it since i was a toddler or maybe its because i love the renaissance disney animation style or maybe even because i really resonate with the themes of the movie or the characters and storylines but to that i cant even tell you
but anyway what does this even have to do with KH3
ummmmmmh the very first world you explore in this game is olympus coliseum i mean not really coliseum anymore but yknow hercules was explored to the fucking limits its probably the level that stayed as a staple for most of the games in the series so i wasnt expecting to be that blown away this time around and still guys this entire world was an incredible experience
as the opening world it has the tutorials and incipit and all and im so fucking glad this was the one because its an incredible sight that i thought about even at the ending of the game like i was in the final world and i kept thinking damn but did they eat with hercules this time like exactly 25 hours later i was just in deep awe at this one idk
in the first game i was a bit let down by the fact that my fav disney movie was confined to only a coliseum then they expanded it during kingdom hearts II and i already couldnt believe it how good it was but now they blew it out of the water and gave me not only the complete full uncut kingdom hearts disney world experience but this is an unbelievable way to experience yet again one of the movies that accompanied my entire existence
hercules and megara and all the other characters are as lovable as i remember thebes and olympus and the lands of greece are absolutely stunning to traverse and fight in and explore its idk i was almost brought to tears at how beautiful it was it just kept pulling at my heartstrings it was wow
umh anyway i think im done with that and probably it got too sentimental for my own good
NOW KINGDOM HEARTS III AMIRITE ? possibly one of the games that i wanted to play the most since its release and i couldnt first because of my potato pc and also because i needed to marathon the whole fucking series which i finally did
now what do i talk about first umh …….. umh idk this game is huge like really huge i have no idea what to say to be honest i mean its probably gonna be kind of all mild heavy spoiler territory from now on so you should have played it before reading this possibly
so the story picks up from the end of dream drop distance clearly you should play 0.2 first too and follows a powerless sora that has to retrieve his power of waking to continue his journey and finally help aqua and the others out of their decades of grief
they begin to explore every single world and now im gonna do an excursus for the disney worlds in this one im sorry im long winded
DISNEY WORLD EXCURSUS
hercules kh3 is and will be my favourite world in any kingdom hearts ever but we already talked about that plentiful and all
i hate toy story i mean actually i dont hate HATE it but its not like i have any positive feelings for it that being said this world was a fucking slog and its maybe also because the story was oh no we lost some toys boo hoo . fuck you boring ass characters
monstropolis was fun and i liked the fact that they rearranged the story a bit and didnt completely put the same entire plot of the movies in it (im watching at you frozen and tangled) but its fine and sora monster shouldnt be this cute
frozen and tangled are basically the disney movies with sora and the others in the background while the plot unfolds but make up for that with beautiful beautiful worlds and landscapes its just breathtaking
pirates of caribbean is a fucking blast with the plot and ship fighting and all and also the places you visit are jaw dropping very very cool
100 acre wood is the same since kh1 just with a coat of unreal engine on top
san fransokyo is also great but i wanted the city to be more mmmm eccentric like in a stray (2022) japanese inspired kind of environments but its fine its a metropolis and it sells that idea + the bridge fight is super cool
traverse town is also the same but with some different stuff and also i will not forgive the developers to make the station tower inaccessible thats robbing me of a very emotional place mind you
keyblade graveyard is also augmented in UE and the labyrinth is kind of a really cool addition
and in the end theres scala ad caelum a MASSIVE location that i completely adored its just wow i was speechless seeing it in union x isnt the same as seeing it here its amazing
END OF EXCURSUS
so what happens is while going through this worlds encounters late members of the organization (marluxia larxene luxord i love you guys youre literally my family alright) that now are out and about because of vessels they are using in the present from the past or whatever have no idea what this plot point is about but its great i love it and basically what xehanort is trying to do is put his heart into every single organization member and make them battle with the guardians of light to unlock the chiblade yet again wow
in the meantime for this final battle to happen sora manages to save aqua from the darkness (1 cry) then with her help they also get ventus out of his slumber (2 cries) so they can finally take on the xehanort affair together
so with 7 umh 7 ? i dont remember 7 i think warriors of light wait lemme count aqua ventus sora mickey axel/lea (my boyfriend) kairi and riku ok thats seven lets go + goofy and donald they go to the graveyard to be completely SLAIN by terranort and i was honestly dumbfounded at that moment i thought some of my choices resulted in a bad ending or something honestly and then one of my fav worlds out there
the final world in which sora recomposes himself with the help of chirithy (the little animal from union x) and travels back through time to that moment when terra in his army suit gets his body back so thats 8 now
what happens now is you gotta fight with every single organization member kh2 style and i will say that it was pretty sad for some of them to be defeated in such a manner definitely because the organization has some of my fav characters from the entirety of kingdom hearts so thats something
and now for the most fucking heart breaking moment of this game
one for one you have to side with 2 or 3 characters against some of their enemies or anyway people that have some relation to them
clearly when you get to kairi and axel you know whats gonna happen is you battle against saix/isa axels childhood friend and an unknown nobody (guess who will it be omg i have no idea) and when xemnas almost strikes axel they protect him and its revealed that theyre in fact xion and after soras plea and this helps to release roxas heart into a new vessel (people died ok and im people) so you fight alongside roxas and xion WITH AN ARRANGEMENT OF ROXAS AND XION THEME I HAD GOOSEBUMPS DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE OK its just ughhhhhhh i hold these characters too dear to my heart
they defeat saix some more heartfelt exchanges between axel and isa and he vanishes
silence and the first thing that breaks this silence is xions cries in the middle of nowhere with her theme in the background and when i tell you that in this instant i could not take it any longer and completely broke down in a crying fit i swear to fucking god this was too much for my pure heart its just idk these what 20 seconds ANNIHILATED ME i cannot make this shit up for me this is the highest point in all of kingdom hearts 3 and i dont care what anyone says i love my babies a not so normal amount
so anyway after the best scene in all kingdom hearts you decimate the organization members and youre back against xehanort he fucking breaks kairi apart and this opens the way for the chiblade to be reformed and at that point kingdom hearts is summoned you get to battle against him in scala ad caelum the world where keyblade masters once resided and its an incredible battle i do still prefer the final battle against xemnas in kh2 but this is just a great great great clash
you beat xehanort and eraqus makes him stop with the power of love like theres a lot of flashbacks to young xehanort and eraqus playing chess together and they also vanish together now tell me with a straight face they dont love each other
now the finale . everyone is back together they all smile and be happy and live their best life but sora is gonna go after kairi and look for her again
i have no idea what happens to sora and its probably something that will haunt me forever since in the final scene its hinted that hes with kairi but he vanishes shortly after (i also cried like a bitch here) so boys and girls i have no answers for you at the moment
and dont ask me why hes in shibuya
all in all i loved this story even tho its king of lets all love each other and a tad weaker in comparison to kingdom hearts 2 but its fine ok i love you anyway kingdom hearts 3
the story still managed to make me so damn emotional in the end and i was so glad to see every single character in this series like what kingdom hearts is great at its just sheer nostalgia i always feel like crying its incredible
in the end they finally get to give a body to naminé i swear i had another crying fit i shoulve counted how many crying fits i had in this and honestly maybe i dont even want to know but yea THATS MY SWEET BABY
also the secret ending with the back cover/union x characters kind of is a big reveal but its up to you to know what the fuck that means im not those guys who make theories on theories i just like to be braindead and experience stuff as it is presented to me amen
NOW
lets wrap this up quick
graphics are a sight to behold honestly disney worlds are characterised to heaven and back and the characters all look gorgeous its just stunning stunning stunning
outstanding step up from the graphics from 0.2 i didnt think they could do better than that but they really smashed their big unreal engine dick in my face this time around
magics look incredible animations are super fluid and everyone is hot
the gameplay is kind of standard ish kingdom hearts at this point but they added some new keypoints
explorations now has a greater focus also thanks to little collectibles side quests like emblems to photographs that look like king mickeys ears and some moogle requests to take pictures of places around the different worlds that are a cute additions to the playthrough
you can cook you can do some simulated fights you can synthesize stuff you can do go around with the gummi ship in the entire cosmos which is cool to do like explore the open world ish gummi segments and fight some stuff or collect some new loot
now the battle system oooooooh boy theres basically everything . the skeleton is kingdom hearts 2 battle system but they added some new commands that pop up after you manage to hit enemies are certain number of times and this can be mega spells or a special ability with a party member or a special keyblade transformation
yeah i said transformation and thats because EVERY SINGLE KEYBLADE GOT UP TO 2 EVOLUTIONS naaaaaaaaaaah and they all have v different play styles its so fun i assure you i never used all the keyblades in other games but this time i was just using all of them to see the evolved forms and its UGHHHHHHH i love it im so fucking down for evolutions in every game format whatsoever
i love this battle system i love it so much i would play this game to death
theres also umh attractions which are something that exists in this game . i dont particularly hate them or love them but i kind of ended up skipping them because theyre not that fun to use compared to the other stuff in here but theyre interesting additions that make this game even more frantic than it already is
also the other usual stuff is here count down MP magic AP abilities and also flowmotion is back which is great i loved it in DDD and seeing it back here
basically in this game theres everything that they ever put in the kingdom hearts series apart from command deck i miss you command decks oh and also the re:com card system but that one should burn in hell
you fight against everything and everyone unversed heartless and nobodies (which look great in this one obviously)
umh anyway
ost is great and its basically a best of kingdom hearts series sometimes rearranged for that sweet sweet modern approach or maybe
theres a lot of stuff from union x rearranged a lot of kingdom hearts II 358/2 days and birth by sleep here its just FEELS MAN i cant put all of them here because i should just hyperlink the entire ost at this point and also because i need to relisten to it when im calm and i wont cry at every single note in these pieces of music
and anyway vector to the heavens is fucking great LIKE you put roxas theme and xions theme in the same track in a battle arrangement and pretend like im not gonna scream with all my lungs to the heavens because this is just incredible my body reached nirvana my soul expired
theres new arrangements for the 13th struggle for luxord and larxene theres l’impeto oscuro for xehanort l’eminenza dell’oscuro for ansem and l’oscurità dell’ignoto for xemnas (flexing the fact that im the only one here whos gonna pronounce these names correctly because im italian suck my dick) theres even the 13th dilemma for both xigbar and saix and forza finale its just UGHHHHH + all the new disney worlds tracks this is an incredible score its just out of this world entirely
and the new stuff is great like wave of darkness the final battle ? fucking unbelieavable
and in particular in the graveyard when theres themes respectively for every single pair of characters AND THAT ONE really hit me right in the feels its great
honorary mention to chikai instrumental version opening that plays out in the title screen when you boot up the game thats great and gave me fucking goosebumps yknow idk i just feel like crying again here
all in all theres a lot of stuff i want to say about this game but my uni studies are calling me and i dont even get payed for this stuff maybe when i open a youtube channel but i guess this is all
i dont have the words to say how much i love this game it may be flawed and its story may be a bit incoherent and fan servicey and all but i just cant help but be completely bewitched by this one
its not as monumental as kingdom hearts II and its not a timeless classic as kingdom hearts I or even my fav narrative work in the entire series (thats 358/2 clearly) but this is a game that i wont get off of my mind for some time for sure and the amount of tears this made me shed is enough for me to remember it as dearly as possible
if you think this is utter trash i understand but im not you im not one of the longtime fans i played this series for the first time in 1 month and its spectacular you can just not emulate the nostalgia that this series gives you in any way shape or form and thats probably why i came back to finally finish this marathon once and for all and it was a damn fucking ride
maybe i am a kingdom hearts fag now maybe thats what ive become ? well whatever im cringe but im free and AXEL PLEASE AXEL COME HOME AXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL
will be tuning in for kingdom hearts 4 surely so until then i will just remember this game as a dearly beloved experience DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE DID YOU SEEEEEE
ok enough
i love kingdom hearts there i said it im sorry people ok im really done now
have a nice day and i cant wait to cry again as soon as i see videos on quotes like "You never stopped lighting my way back." or "Sora, you don't believe that...I know you don't." OR MOST HEARTBREAKING OF ALL "It's alright...Xion."
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
lets roll the playthough comments for those who have nothing to do but read these reviews i make for me myself and i:
clearly the opening is fap material as always
characters in this new graphic style look kinda weird but I love it
riku is possibly the most final fantasy character in this game I think
I like the more open world ish gummi segments but maybe I preferred kh2 levels more but maybe that's just me
AXEL IS SO HOT IN HD GRAPHICS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD AXEL IM FREE ON SATURDAY IF YOU WANNA WATCH A MOVIE OR KISS OR CUDDLE ON SATURDAY THE DAY WHEN IM FREE
the different keyblade transformations are making me lose my mind why is this game so fun what the fuck
LETS GOOOOO THERES MARLUXIA BEST BOY GO GET THAT ASS
I will literally fight anyone who thinks goofy is useless I swear hes so cool I love him
toy story unh i dont like toy story and im not enjoying the trajectory of this plot it's just yknow maybe I hate toy story is that what this game made me realise
i cant believe the rapunzel plotline is the same just with sora and Co in the background is so funny what the hell
the fucking let it go is killing me I can't escape frozen anywhere its gonna haunt me till I die (I like frozen)
larxene can you like idk peg me or something can i say that on this site
THE FUCKING FROZEN WORLD FINAL BOSS FIGHT IS OUTSTANDING OH MY GOD I love that ice dragon hes so cool what the fuck
what even is the power of waking im gonna go crazy can someone explain it to me CAN YOU GUYS JUST GET AQUA OUT OF THERE IM GONNA GO WILD
oh no there's luxord oh no he's hot this game is becoming too dangerous for me
just realised I got the same number of earrings of luxord dammmmn is that a sign from god that we should fuck oh no I meant umh cut the cameras deadass
NOT PIRATES OF CARIBBEAN AGAIN STOP ITS GONNA BE UNCANNY VALLEY AGAIN NOOOOO
SORA LOOKS SO CUTE WITH PIRATE CLOTHES NOOOO OH MY GOD MY BABY I BIRTHED HIM
ok actually they look less uncanny than I thought because graphics got better + Johnny depp is look really snack here
i love assassins creed 4 black flag
no I really can't go on like this any time an organization member shows up i get h0rnee no please this is unfair like you expect to put larxene luxord and friends in front of my face and expect for me to be completely unfazed ? sorry that's not who I am
luxord: "put a leash on…" me me . me put in on me me me me @me me #me "me" (me) [me] me+me=me me x me
not me having a complete crying fit when they saved aqua this is actually like top 10 crying fits I had in a game no that's not true actually I cried for a lot of games
ok well it was fun playing as aqua for 3 minutes
aqua hugging ven was kinda umh … I'm gonna cry again
oh my god ven thanking sora for keeping him sage also gonna make me cry this game I swear
axel alone on the watchtower with 3 ice creams made me cry some more ok
ok sora and kairi exchanging the star fruits making me cry some more whats the count 5 damns
who the fuck is xemnas voice actor i want him to speak dirty to me in my ears
damn donald kinda bomber with zettaflare alright
sora screaming kinda my guiding spirit
did I just get a bad ending what ?
A CHIRITHY ? WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK IM SO CONFUSEDBWHATS HAPPENING
EPHEMER ?????? I DONT UNDERSTAND HELLOOOOO
are these the player names of union x what is honestly happening in this god forsaken video game I have no idea i swear
this is so stupid oh my god completely took me out of the experience for a sec
yen sid going full moses
I love marluxia hes so cool
the labyrinth is so good what the hell every single location in this game has the polygons out of the solar system but also I havent played that many current gen games as of yet so that could also be the reason why
ansem and xemnas I wanted to let you know that I got 2 holes
CLONE RIKU SAVING A VESSEL FOR NAMINE IS MAKING ME TEAR MY HAIR OFF I SWEAR
can somebody give axel new clothes that coat must stink give it to me
NOT XION PLEASE DONT MAKE ME CRY AGAIN
ROXAS OH MY GOSBOCKSODKLSKCPWKOFKSKSJ MY SWEET LITTLE ANGEL
I literally got chills the arrangement of roxas theme I sweat to fucking god AND THERES ALSO XIONS THEME IN THERE IM GONNA GO CRAZYYYYYYY FUUUUUUCK THIS GAME
no here it is I couldnt bear xion and the others crying so now I just paused the game to have a crying fit wouldnt you know wow
terra is so hot and FOR WHAT
another crying fit lets goooooo
still dont know what kingdom hearts is
wow just noticed that ven and roxas side to side look identical
XION I LOVE YOUUUU OH MY GOD ROXAS-AXEL-XION SUPREMATIST HERE
how did he even pronounce scala ad caelum
LETS GO FINAL BATTLE AGAINST EVIL BALD GUY
OMG THE FAKE GAME OVER SCREEN FUUUUUUUCK
THE KEYHOLE ANIMATION OF KH2 IM GOING WILD
daddy eraqus hello there
xehanort and eraqus had steamy hot sex btw i dont make the rules theyre literally the achilles and patroclus of KH lore
this is just one cry after the other right
why do they look better in ingame models than CGI models im so confused
NO THE FINALE IS KILLING ME OH MY GODBCOSNSKSB FUUUUUUUUCK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
THERES KAIRI NOW IN THE TITLE SCREEN OMGGGGG THEYRE SO CUTE WHAAAA
PS
wrote this with chikai orchestral version in the background and ended up crying again
crying counter: 99+ too emotional for this shit
would suck axel dry/10
Kingdom Hearts III
2019
I've been dwelling on a review of this game for basically the whole year. It's a pretty similar case to my review for The World Ends With You for how I struggled to get all my thoughts out on text. The difference here is that, rather than having it be due to an effort to convey everything about the game and what it means to me that I can possibly fit into a 10+ page thesis, my struggles with reviewing Kingdom Hearts III came from the fact that I genuinely had no clue where to begin approaching this game from. Should I go over how brilliant so much of this game is? Well no, cause for all of its great elements, there's a bunch of other problems that get in the way. Should I start it from the angle of how rough the base game is? Well no, since the inverse is also true that there's so many brilliant elements to this game that I can't just discredit. Should I insert some way to say that attraction flows are a garbage mechanic and the game experience is improved by removing them through Pro Codes and Critical Converter? Okay, you get what I mean. So many thoughts about this game have been spiraling around in my head for so long, so I'm just going to write this as a series of scattered thoughts. I won't get to everything I can talk about, but I feel like going into everything would burn me out all over again. If there's any way I can start it, it's what separates this recent playthrough I did from the past times I've played it: critical mode.
Earlier this year I played KH2 Final Mix on Critical Mode for the first time, and it was mostly a fantastic experience. It really showed me the beautifully intricate elements of KH2's design and how well they come together for an excellent action game experience. The experience even elevated KH2 to my top 5 of all time. Did the same apply to KH3 for me?
No. Quite the opposite, actually.
KH3's early game on critical mode is an absolutely miserable experience. You aren't well equipped to handle a lot of what the game throws at you and you'll often get one-shot or two-shot if you're lucky by projectiles with poor visibility, made worse by how it limits your options by the way it shortens the MP bar. For most of the game, Critical Mode served to expose me to more of the game's faults than it did make me appreciate the game's design, the complete inverse of what KH2's did for me. The experience does improve more and more as the game goes on, and I do think it ends up being worth it for the tension they add to the boss fights in Re:Mind, but the early game experience is so bad that I have a much harder time recommending that someone play on Critical.
Alright, now that I got all of that system, I want to move on to talking about other aspects of the game's mechanics. To start off with, I think that KH3 has the best traversal and world design that the series has seen yet. It's like the perfect middle ground between how KH1 and 2 handle it. KH1's world design had a lot of freeing and open exploration, but traversing it was often dreadful. KH2's was the opposite, where your means of traversing it are far more enjoyable, but the feeling of exploration left a lot to be desired. KH3 gives us the best of both worlds in this regard. Movement and traversal options are the best they've ever been, especially due to the implementation of flowmotion into Sora's moveset, and the game's worlds are very intricately designed, offering a lot of immersive and distinctive environments while also providing incentives to explore all over the place. My favorite example of this is The Caribbean, where you get to go across a whole open sea filled with islands with all sorts of nooks and crannies to look through. Hell, Port Royal alone has more to look around and find than some worlds in 1 and 2. There's less worlds total to go through this time, but I think their approach of quality over quantity really paid off.
The worlds also narratively pay off really well for the game's themes. For a while I was struggling to find a distinctive theme that ties the worlds together, like the theme of identity present in all of the worlds for KH2. I was initially going to go for the angle of the game's themes of loss and acceptance was prevalent in most of, but not all of them. However, I came to realize that the KH3 worlds' thematic ties aren't about drawing ties to a broader theme, but rather Sora as a character. Many of the events in the Disney worlds he experiences mirror parts of his journey, like how the Tangled world mirrors his optimism and excitement for exploring worlds past Destiny Islands, or how the ending of the Caribbean mirrors the choice he has to make at the end of this game. It's woven pretty brilliantly into Sora's character arc of learning to find his own strength and resolve to move forward.
I think KH3 is a really brilliant game despite the many, MANY faults it has to its name. Pre-ReMind combat is really rough around the edges, but it makes up for it by the inclusion of great mechanics like airstepping and keyblade forms that could be expanded upon pretty well in later titles. The story is incredibly disjointed and messy as a conclusion to the Xehanort saga, but it gives Sora the most compelling arc he's had as a character. Despite everything going against it, I can't bring myself to not love this game to some degree.
Earlier this year I played KH2 Final Mix on Critical Mode for the first time, and it was mostly a fantastic experience. It really showed me the beautifully intricate elements of KH2's design and how well they come together for an excellent action game experience. The experience even elevated KH2 to my top 5 of all time. Did the same apply to KH3 for me?
No. Quite the opposite, actually.
KH3's early game on critical mode is an absolutely miserable experience. You aren't well equipped to handle a lot of what the game throws at you and you'll often get one-shot or two-shot if you're lucky by projectiles with poor visibility, made worse by how it limits your options by the way it shortens the MP bar. For most of the game, Critical Mode served to expose me to more of the game's faults than it did make me appreciate the game's design, the complete inverse of what KH2's did for me. The experience does improve more and more as the game goes on, and I do think it ends up being worth it for the tension they add to the boss fights in Re:Mind, but the early game experience is so bad that I have a much harder time recommending that someone play on Critical.
Alright, now that I got all of that system, I want to move on to talking about other aspects of the game's mechanics. To start off with, I think that KH3 has the best traversal and world design that the series has seen yet. It's like the perfect middle ground between how KH1 and 2 handle it. KH1's world design had a lot of freeing and open exploration, but traversing it was often dreadful. KH2's was the opposite, where your means of traversing it are far more enjoyable, but the feeling of exploration left a lot to be desired. KH3 gives us the best of both worlds in this regard. Movement and traversal options are the best they've ever been, especially due to the implementation of flowmotion into Sora's moveset, and the game's worlds are very intricately designed, offering a lot of immersive and distinctive environments while also providing incentives to explore all over the place. My favorite example of this is The Caribbean, where you get to go across a whole open sea filled with islands with all sorts of nooks and crannies to look through. Hell, Port Royal alone has more to look around and find than some worlds in 1 and 2. There's less worlds total to go through this time, but I think their approach of quality over quantity really paid off.
The worlds also narratively pay off really well for the game's themes. For a while I was struggling to find a distinctive theme that ties the worlds together, like the theme of identity present in all of the worlds for KH2. I was initially going to go for the angle of the game's themes of loss and acceptance was prevalent in most of, but not all of them. However, I came to realize that the KH3 worlds' thematic ties aren't about drawing ties to a broader theme, but rather Sora as a character. Many of the events in the Disney worlds he experiences mirror parts of his journey, like how the Tangled world mirrors his optimism and excitement for exploring worlds past Destiny Islands, or how the ending of the Caribbean mirrors the choice he has to make at the end of this game. It's woven pretty brilliantly into Sora's character arc of learning to find his own strength and resolve to move forward.
I think KH3 is a really brilliant game despite the many, MANY faults it has to its name. Pre-ReMind combat is really rough around the edges, but it makes up for it by the inclusion of great mechanics like airstepping and keyblade forms that could be expanded upon pretty well in later titles. The story is incredibly disjointed and messy as a conclusion to the Xehanort saga, but it gives Sora the most compelling arc he's had as a character. Despite everything going against it, I can't bring myself to not love this game to some degree.
Kingdom Hearts
2002
"The Disney stuff is cringe" "It's just an advertisement" "The story is so dumb and confusing" None of that matters to me. Why did we let some random youtubers decide that this series was cringe. You can fight giant fucking shadow demons with Donald Duck. It's so stupid it loops around to being cool somehow. This game is an enigma