A long time ago, in the mythical land of Japan, there lived a lone individual by the name of Hideo Kojima. Nowadays, we know him as being one of the most recognizable and influential video game developers in the industry, but back in the mid-80s, he was just an average video game developer just starting out, with his only game credit up to this point was being the assistant director of Penguin Adventure, a game that nobody cares about and has never even heard of before. Some time after that though, he was then asked to take over a project from a senior executive at Konami, one that wasn’t making any progress due to the limitations of the system it was being developed for. In response to this, Kojima then went ahead and completely changed up the game into something similar, yet something new, and would eventually complete the project so it can be released, now being the first entry in what would become his undeniable magnum opus. That game would be known as Metal Gear.

Before playing this game, I had wanted to give the Metal Gear series a shot for a LONG FUCKING TIME. I had heard so many people praise this series left and right in many different videos and forums, treating it as the Messiah of video games, and yet I myself have never really played any of the games before. Which is odd, considering I own physical copies of almost all of the games in the series, so you know that I am a true fan based on that info. So, after nearly 10 or so years of wanting to check this series out, I decided that I was finally gonna do it. I, Mega Middle Name Last Name, was finally going to play a Metal Gear game! And I wasn’t gonna start with Metal Gear Solid like some fucking NORMIE, but instead, the very first game on the MSX2. So, now that I have finally played and beaten it, what did I think of it?!................ it was good. It is a very impressive game for the time it came out, but even I can tell it pales when compared to many of the future installments, but I still ended up enjoying my time with it enough.

The story, as expected from a Hideo Kojima game, is incredibly complex and detailed for a game released in 1987, but compared to later games, it is much more on the simpler side, and overall, it is a basic enough story for the type of setting we are dealing with, the graphics are pretty good, being what you would expect from around this era, and not being all that visually interesting in plenty of places, but they are still good regardless, the music is also good, with there being plenty of tracks that you will hear plenty of times throughout the game, but the tracks still manage to be decent enough, and there are some standout favorites I have from the list, the control is complicated to get a handle on at first, but you get used to what all the buttons do pretty quickly, but then you have to deal with the weird-ass-hell movement in the game, which did lead to some frustrations throughout, and the gameplay is pretty unique for the time, and would of course be the foundation of not just the Metal Gear series, but also many other games for years to come.

The game is primarily a stealth-based adventure game, where you take control of Solid Snake, go through several different floors and buildings of the Outer Heaven military base, avoid getting detected by any enemy using whatever means necessary, whether it means using brute force or not, and if you do happen to get caught, fight back against the hordes of guards and find a safe place to hide once again, gather plenty of items that will help you in traversing along the base and avoiding many of the traps and obstacles set up for you here, along with plenty of weapons that you can use to fight off enemy guards and other foes, and take on some of the most pathetic bosses I have ever seen in an 8-bit game, where a lot of the time, you just have to stand in a corner and constantly fire and use a specific weapon to win, and you won’t get hurt at all. Not to say that the boss fights are bad, but they are piss easy when you figure them out. Despite that though, a lot of this stuff can be seen as what you would typically see from an 8-bit game, especially those of the adventure genre, but Metal Gear differs from many others by utilizing its main mechanic: stealth.

There were very little games back then, possibly even no other ones, that used stealth as its primary means of gameplay, not only as how you progress forward, but also as to how the game presents you with challenges. Not only is this pretty innovative for the time, but it is also executed very well here. There are many different moments throughout the game where you have to use your environment and enemy movements to your advantage, making sure when to move, where to move, and when to strike if necessary to avoid being caught, and while it certainly isn’t the end of the world if you do get caught, it is much more preferable if you do not get caught. Obviously, the stealth is probably executed much better in later games, but for this first outing, it is done pretty well, although there were a couple points where it was literally impossible for me to not be spotted, and these were in sections where you weren’t supposed to immediately get spotted in. Alongside that, all the other aspects of gameplay also work harmoniously with the main stealth gameplay. There are plenty of rooms to explore, many different items to get, and many different puzzles that need to be solved with said items, and when you do figure out what you are supposed to do in current situations, it is extremely satisfying and pushes you to keep going forward.

Not to mention, you can see plenty of hints throughout the game of Kojima’s style when it comes to making video games, not just those of Metal Gear. Like I mentioned before, the story is very downplayed when compared to later entries, but there are plenty of characters that you interact with throughout the game, both on your comm unit and those you rescue, who tell you a lot of info about your current mission and what is going on around here. For a game released in 1987, there is a lot of dialogue and story here, which is, again, not only very impressive, but also does get you more invested in this world you are playing through. Also, I did smile like I giddy bitch when Big Boss told me to turn off the MSX2. I am well aware this isn’t the only time there will be fourth-wall breaking in this series, but I had no idea it was put in right from the first entry. That’s how you know we have truly something special here.

With all that being said though, there are several things that hold this game back from being any better than it already is. First thing’s first, this game is pretty fucking unforgiving at points, and in plenty of different ways. There is already the aspect of not knowing what to do if you aren’t using a guide, but on top of that, you have to figure out how to work around with combat once you are caught, and you are given very little time to do so a lot of the time before you end up getting killed. This becomes much less of an issue the further you go, obviously, but it did end up getting me killed plenty of times, like one time where you need to enter a room with about, like, five guys in there, and you have to kill them all in order to get the grenade launcher, while they are all constantly firing at you. What also doesn’t help this is with how strict checkpoints can be at times. Most of them are in elevators, and a lot of the time, whenever you die, you are sent straight back to the elevator, and you lose a lot of your progress. I am aware that this is a game from 1987, so I understand why this type of checkpoint system is here, but needless to say, I had to go through a lot of the same shit over and over again due to dying a lot of times, and that did sour my mood at plenty of points.

In addition to this, there are a lot of bullshit ways the game will kill you as well, such as with the abundance of traps that you will find throughout the game. Now, most of the traps aren’t that big of a deal, as long as you have the proper piece of equipment to take it on with, but then there are those traps that you just have to deal with, such as the case with the holes. There will be several points in the second half of the game where the floor will just collapse in on itself, and a giant hole will open up and kill you instantly, and you have no clue where the hole is gonna be until you walk in its vicinity. Again, needless to say, I died plenty of times due to this trial and error nonsense. Aside from all that though, there isn’t much else I could complain about when it comes to the game. I guess I could complain about how incredibly basic it is compared to other entries, but again, this was made in 1987, and it was clear that Kojima was just testing the waters of what works and what doesn’t before really getting into the meat of his craft, so I can’t bitch about it that much.

Overall, despite the bullshit difficulty at times and the sparse checkpoint system, I surprisingly found myself enjoying the original Metal Gear quite a bit, and while I don’t think I will be going back to it anytime soon, I can say that I am glad that I finally checked it out, and I definitely look forward to playing the other games to follow afterwards. I would recommend it for those who are die-hard fans of the Metal Gear series, but for everyone else, I would probably say to just stick with the later games down the road, as they will most likely be more worth your time. But hey, none of those games diminish the quality of this one even a little bit. Why, the only thing that would be able to do that would be a botched NES port that was inferior to the original in every single way! Thank god something like that definitely doesn't exist.

Game #370

(Part 1 of 5)

It seems so wild to me that, despite now living in a constant state of confusion, with the quality of his titles constantly going up and down like a rollercoaster, Sonic was pretty much on top of the world back when he was fairly new to the gaming scene. Not all of his games at this point were good, but for a good majority of them, Sonic had managed to knock it out of the park with high speed platforming, enjoyable challenges and bosses to take on, secrets that lead to wonderful rewards, and just a general overall sense of fun that can be seen throughout the titles, and it was clear at this point that Sega was nowhere near close to stopping. It wasn’t too long after we got a slew of Sonic titles, both main titles and spin-offs, when we would get yet ANOTHER Sonic game, but this one was important, as it was the BIG one, one that would prove to be the fastest and the best of the bunch. That game would come to be known as Sonic the Hedgehog 3.

So, truth be told, out of all my years playing this particular entry in the Sonic series, I had actually never played through the original version of the game. I had always played through the & Knuckles version of the game, which makes sense, given that it is the complete version of this game, but I figured, if I am gonna review this game correctly, I have to cover EVERYTHING about it, all the way from the original release to all the little secrets about this title. Therefore, I decided to then play through the original Sonic 3 for the first time, and what a shocker, it was a wonderful time. I wouldn’t say that this is the version of the game that you should play, nor is it perfect by any means, but for what we have here, it is still a great Sonic game on its own, and one of the best games to have for the Sega Genesis.

The story is similar to the previous games, yet somewhat mixed around, where after his defeat in Sonic 2, Robotnik and his Death Egg end up crashing into another land known as Angel Island, a floating island that manages to sink into the ocean due to the previously mentioned crash. Soon after this, he repairs the Death Egg, and Sonic and Tails can’t have that, so they go off to stop him, which is all mostly a typical story from this franchise, but it is good enough to get you on your way, as well as having a few extra elements to it that I will get to in a bit. The graphics are wonderful, being the best looking game in the series so far, making the environments as colorful and full of life as ever, while also providing great designs for all of the characters, enemies, and bosses. The music is also incredible, with there being plenty of bangers that you can listen to throughout the game, which makes sense, given that part of it was made by Michael Jackson!.... oh, wait, I’m sorry, it was “allegedly” made by him (even though we all know he did). Anyway, as for the controls and gameplay, both of these work just as well as they did before, if not better, and they have some new elements added to them to spice things up just a tad.

The game is a 2D platformer, where you take control of either Sonic, Tails, or both of them at the same time, take on six different zones through many different locations seen on Angel Island, run through each level at the speed of sound while defeating plenty of different Badniks along the way, gather plenty of rings and powerups to help you out against the many foes and traps you will find, locate special stages in order to get a chance at nabbing the Chaos Emeralds, and take on the many different machines that Dr. Robotnik has prepared for you in plenty of boss fights. Those who are familiar with Sonic at this point know exactly what they are getting into with this game, and thankfully, it just so happens to be the fastest, tightest, and most enjoyable adventure in the series so far. Not to mention, just like with every other mainline Sonic game at this point, there have been numerous additions made to this game to ensure you don’t get tired of it easily.

In terms of Sonic himself, he retains all of his moves from the previous games (except for the Super Peel Out, because fuck you), and in addition, he has a brand new move called the Insta-Shield. It doesn’t really do much, as it just creates a little barrier around the player for a brief moment, but this move can actually be pretty useful for both taking something out and getting yourself out of a bind, so I would say it is a good addition to Sonic’s moveset. Speaking of good additions, Sonic also now has new shields he can mess around with, each one of them carrying an elemental property of some sort. There is the Fire Shield, which allows him to not only dash in mid-air, but also protects himself from fiery hazards, the Bubble Shield, which lets you bounce on the ground for extra height, while also protecting you from drowning, and then there is undeniably the best one, the Electric Shield, which gives you a double jump, and it allows you to attract any lonesome ring that you pass by straight towards you. These shields, when you can get them, are very helpful against whatever you may run into along your journey, and on their own, they are pretty fun to use to see what new paths you can reach by using them.

In terms of other new additions, there is, of course, one new character that gets introduced in this game: Knuckles the Echidna, and when you first encounter this guy, you think he’s an asshole! He just uppercuts you out of nowhere, steals all of your Chaos Emeralds, laughs at you, and then runs away, which leads you to think “What a dick! When I find him, I’m gonna kill that fucker!” Unfortunately though, you don’t get to fight him at all in this game, and he just laughs at you more while making your life hell throughout the entire journey. That’s all he really does in this part of the game, but not only does he get more purpose and story in the later part that I will get to soon, but also, just like with Tails, Amy, and Metal Sonic, Knuckles does become one of the central characters of the Sonic series, not appearing as often as some characters like Tails or Robotnik, but enough to where many fans of the series will recognize him and love him all the same. And I mean, how can you not? He’s like Sonic, except infinitely cooler, obviously. Not to mention, he doesn’t chuckle. He’d rather flex his muscles.

Of course though, we can’t forget about one of the main draws of any Sonic game: getting the Chaos Emeralds, and just like with the previous games, there is a brand new method of getting them here, and in my personal opinion, this is the best method of getting them that the series has had so far. Throughout the stages, there are plenty of these big ol’ 3D rings that you can find, hidden in alcoves that are either easy to spot, or can be pretty tricky to find. Once you find them, you just simply jump right into them, and boom, you are in the special stage! No need for any 50 rings bullshit or anything like that, you are just right into it, which I prefer heavily over the alternative.

As for the special stages themselves, they consist of you running through these simplistic, 3D environments where you have to collect a handful blue balls (stop laughing), while doing your best to avoid all of the red balls that plague the levels, and once you manage to collect them all, BOOM, the Chaos Emerald has been retrieved. Yeah, it isn’t as complex, exciting, or drug-trippy as other Sonic special stages, but they are pretty damn easy in comparison to what this series has given us before, and honestly, I am all for that. What’s even better is that, once you get all seven of the Chaos Emeralds, you can now transform into Super Sonic once again, who functions basically the same as he did in Sonic 2, but who cares, because you are now a golden god, and everything cowers in sheer terror as you blaze through them, which is all that matters at the end of the day.

Would you believe it though when I tell you that, in terms of special stages, that’s not all that this game has to offer? If you do still manage to get 50 rings and pass by a checkpoint, a sparkling ring will appear above it, and when you jump into it, you can then enter one of three special minigames, with them serving the purpose of getting you more rings, power-ups, as many rings as you can carry. I don’t typically go for these types of special stages, as I usually already have plenty of rings and lives to work with, but not only can they be pretty helpful for those that need it, but once you get the hang of them, they can be pretty fun to bounce around and exploit for your own good. And finally, speaking of things I don’t typically check out, there is also the multiplayer mode of this game, returning from Sonic 2. It essentially works almost the same as that game, except now you can play as Knuckles, and you run through several stages that aren’t in the main game at all. These are pretty cool to mess around with, not just to see new content, but also to challenge your friends if you have nothing else to do, even if I myself don’t personally ever see myself trying out this mode ever again.

So yes, all of this makes for a better and more enjoyable experience when compared to every previous mainline Sonic entry, but… there is one area of the game that is severely lacking: the content. The game as a whole is pretty short, with you being able to beat it in about an hour if you know what you’re doing, which isn’t helped by the fact that there isn’t as much content here, with there being only six zones with two acts each to play through. That may sound like quite a bit, but compared to Sonic 2, which had 11 zones in total, or even Sonic CD, which had 7 zones, each with two different acts and a boss fight, that is quite a decrease in content. Of course, there is an explanation for all of this (which I will get into in a later part), but still, that does kind of suck, especially if you were one of the people who bought this game back when it first came out, and you were able to beat it relatively quickly, considering what you have to deal with.

Overall, despite the lack of stages for a Sonic game, this is still a pretty great version of this game, one that does offer plenty of content to mess around with, fun new additions that make playing through it all the more enjoyable, and that same solid gameplay that manages to still be just as fun and timeless as ever. I would definitely recommend it for those who are fans of Sonic, as well as those who just love old-school 2D platformers in general, because this is certainly one of the best ones you could find on the Sega Genesis, or from the 16-bit era in general. Although, if we are being completely honest, if you are looking for the true Sonic 3 experience, then you probably shouldn’t play this one, and you’ll soon see why……….. BUT FIRST-

Game #506

The story is dogshit. It's a very basic plot that suffers from presenting itself as being more than it is and having a shitton of repetition across different campaigns. Furthermore, half of those campaigns are outright padding with no bearing on the actual plot.
Sonic: Has the overall best campaign in the game gameplay wise, though this isn't saying much. The game's controls are a little too precise for how fast Sonic goes, but I feel like the devs knew this, because his story is really, REALLY easy. While there are momentum based physics at play, the level design very rarely gives you meaningful opportunities to utilize them. Story wise I greatly dislike Sonic in this game. He's a bumbling idiot with barely any of his trademark snark; he just comes off as a really generic protagonist.
Tails: Follows Sonic around for most of the game, so his story is kind of an abridged version of Sonic's for most of it, in both story and gameplay. His levels (except his last) are just shorter, neutered versions of Sonic's (although in Casinopolis and Sky Deck's case this is a good thing), and his story is just Sonic's again but from Tails' perspective. In fairness, I prefer Tails' perspective, because unlike Sonic, he has something of a character arc in learning to be more independent, which culminates in his last stage, Speed Highway. Tails' Speed Highway is the best stage in the game in every way. You must skillfully utilize Tails' flight ability, you're racing Eggman instead of Sonic which makes infinitely more sense story wise, and getting through the stage quickly requires mastery of the controls. Never in any other part of the game does it even come close to touching this level in terms of quality and that's just sad.
Knuckles: Is my favorite character to control, but is sadly stuck with mediocre at best levels. Treasure hunting isn't an idea I'm inherently against for Knuckles, but the level design isn't built around him; it's just repurposed areas from Sonic's story. As such, exploring them as Knuckles doesn't really feel that great. Story wise, I'm not a fan of him either. Like Sonic, Knuckles is a bumbling moron. It tries to paint it like Knuckles is dumber than the rest of the group but in actuality Sonic does shit that's just as stupid so I don't buy it. Either way, watching idiots be idiots the whole game isn't fun, and it doesn't help that Knuckles doesn't get many chances to be a badass like he should.
Amy: Filler character. Something's wrong with her physics because she just cannot go fast ever. Her level design is generally pretty bad and consists mostly of rudimentary platforming and "puzzles" an infant could solve. Story wise she has no reason to be here and no character at all. She has always been my single least favorite character in the franchise, and this game does her no favors.
E-102 Gamma: Filler character. Like Amy, he has no plot relevance at all, but his character arc is better than most in the game. It's a pretty typical "robot learns what emotions are" plot which I honestly really don't like but it's more than most characters in the game get. Gameplay wise his stages are a combo of platforming and shooting combat and tbh they're mostly not bad. It's fun to try and target as much stuff as you can and shoot it all without stopping. His level design can get somewhat creative on occasion too. This is my 2nd favorite campaign.
Big: 0/10 do I even have to say anything

I'm a huge fan of Resident Evil '96. I've played it beginning to end at least 6 times at this point, and I don't plan on leaving it behind anytime soon. That being said, I actually never properly sat down to fully complete a run through of it's 2002 remake. If you're familiar with me, you know I have…. choice words about the implications of a remake and how they influence the games industry, but REmake 1 in particular always looked like the one to break the mold of issues MOST remakes have. And I'm glad to say that after playing it, it pretty much did everything I wanted out of the experience and more.
I need to start things off by saying how fucking BEAUTIFUL this game looks. This is a game that looked a generation ahead when it first came out and visually speaking it's still one of the best games out there. The backgrounds are all pre-rendered images, meaning that the game can run higher quality character models over them compared to fully 3D games at the time and it is drop dead gorgeous. The best looking classic RE by a mile, not to discredit the fantastic backgrounds of RE2 or 3 though.
Every single area has been greatly expanded, tons of new puzzles, items, etc. The first mansion visit is still the meatiest and nonlinear part of the game, just like the original, but I do think that the succeeding areas are still given a good upgrade. Pretty underwhelming segments from the original like the shark arena, or the caves for example are a significant improvement here. Also worth mentioning that the new puzzles are probably some of the trickiest in the classic entries, and some are extremely tense too!
The biggest new addition adds to the increased tensity of this remake, that being the crimson heads, transforming one of the weakest enemy types from the original game, the zombie, into a ticking time bomb that is ready to strike once more after you've "killed" it. Would you rather let it rise once more, or waste your precious kerosene to permanently be rid of one…? REmake is a genuinely scary game, the amount of new jumpscares and door opening enemies makes truly any room feel unsafe, you can't always have a breather area anymore. I felt tense my entire playthrough, even shaking a bit in some areas like the caves.
But what is without a doubt the most genius aspect of this game to me, is how it works as a REMAKE. Unlike plenty of other remakes across the years, this one does not fall into any of the common traps that they usually do. It's a full realization of the original artistic vision, it preserves all the prior content while adding ONTO what was there originally to such a natural degree it's hard to believe it wasn't there to begin with. All of the changed puzzles, item placements, and scares also makes this an astounding HORROR game remake, because even veterans of the original game have no idea what to expect, it's like actually so crazy how well this remake really works.
Alongside the 1996 original, REmake has easily placed itself among one of my favorite games of all time. Please play this game, and if you can, play the original too! Because all it does is elevate an already fantastic survival horror experience. It's among Capcom's finest and easily one of the best games I've ever played.

The original Resident Evil is a great game, but it is a little rough around the edges. Although it has aged rather well, a remake was warranted. However, how does one remake Resident Evil, especially after a relatively short period? You hire Shinji Mikami as director, of course. After all, who would know more about Resident Evil than the original's director? Capcom intended for REmake to be a darker, scarier, and overall more realistic interpretation of the original, and I'd say they leaped above and beyond expectations, creating what I'd argue is the best survival horror game of all time.

The plot, originally written by Kenichi Iwao and Yasuyuki Saga, is relatively unchanged, so I won't be going into specific details. If you've played the original, you know what to expect here. The original game had quite a good story, but it was marred by haphazard execution. Said execution is mostly improved here. Plot reveals are set up much better and character motivations are explored in more detail. There is a genuinely interesting mystery here and if you're not familiar with the original you'll find yourself invested. Jill Valentine and Chris Redfield are still somewhat flat protagonists, but it's more than made up for by the supporting cast. Barry Burton, Rebecca Chambers (my favorite), and Albert Wesker are all great additions to the cast and remain memorable over two decades later. The only outright new plot element is Lisa Trevor, and while I will not spoil the mystery surrounding her, she adds to the story's emotional core in an effective way.

While the central narrative involving the STARS members is certainly good, I found the environmental storytelling much more interesting. The bottles of alcohol lining a scientist's bedroom. The swaying zombie corpse hung from the banister. The letter to a lover, pleading her to forgive him. It feels like you've stepped into a world where you don't belong, that you're intruding on the personal lives of everyone who used to be here. It feels like this whole area used to be filled with people, but they all just up and left. It helps to flesh out the world in a masterful way.

Capcom was not simply content with remaking Resident Evil with better graphics and narrative tweaks. Instead, the entire game has been redesigned from a gameplay perspective, forming the ultimate survival horror experience. Not only do you have to struggle with limited health and ammunition, but also kerosene. In REmake, zombies do not die. When defeated, their corpses will reanimate later on as a crimson head, which is faster and stronger than the average shambling husk. To prevent this, the player must burn the corpses using kerosene. However, there isn't much of it, and not every corpse can be burned. In addition to carefully planning which zombies are worth killing, one now has to consider the potential dangers of doing so, which adds yet another layer of strategy to a game already so mechanically complex. The game is also incredibly difficult but in a way that comes off as ridiculously satisfying. When I died, it is because I had poorly planned a run rather than Capcom pulling out some unperceivable trick. You can't take very much damage, and enemies deal a lot, which helps make every encounter terrifying as even the lowliest zombie can end potentially 20 minutes of progress. If you play your cards right, and properly plan for any potential encounters, you will eventually become a survival machine that can handle any encounter, though the game does not lose its difficulty even then. Puzzles are also moderately improved. While they may not be particularly challenging they are creative and are satisfying to complete. They add to the sense that you are not just exploring the Spencer Mansion but slowly unwrapping its layers.

Another thing I enjoy is the playable characters. Unlike most games, where choosing a protagonist tends to only affect the story, there is an inherent gameplay difference between Jill and Chris. Jill may be more of a glass cannon, but she has two extra inventory slots, which goes a long way. Chris on the other hand is a bit tankier, but he is missing two slots and this makes backtracking to safe rooms a more frequent endeavor. Jill also has a lockpick which can be used to open simple locks throughout the mansion. Instead, Chris has to locate a limited number of old keys to open these doors, putting additional strain on your resource management. Chris, needless to say, is the game's hard mode and should be reserved for second playthroughs. Nevertheless, I still find his campaign particularly rewarding and I enjoy how Capcom went out of their way to make sure each character played differently.

REmake is a visual masterpiece. From the art direction down to the technical elements, every single visual element of this game works perfectly within intention. The dark, cobwebbed corridors of the mansion are beautifully rendered via pre-rendered backgrounds, providing significantly more detail than the GameCube's hardware could ever hope to provide in real-time. The backgrounds are impressively dynamic and layered, too. Dynamic lighting bounces off the walls and 3D models pass beneath pre-rendered elements. Even when rendered at 1440p, the effect remains convincing. Character models are detailed and while facial animation isn't mindblowing it's better than a lot of games at the time. Monsters are realized with disgusting fidelity and remain disturbing even today. REmake is probably the best-looking game on the GameCube and reaches levels of realism unparalleled by even other 6th generation visual masterworks like Silent Hill 3.

The soundtrack, rearranged by Shusaku Uchiyama, features the same songs from the original game redone to better fit the tone. Although I don't exactly know if I'd say they're better than the originals, they're more fitting for Mikami's differing vision. It adds to the more realistic atmosphere while still keeping the musical themes that made the original's score so iconic. Which one is overall better will be up to personal taste, but I find REmake's score to be at least on par and a perfect complement to the visuals.

The original game's voice acting is infamous for being hilariously bad, ruining a lot of the tension in cutscenes. Naturally, REmake being a more realistic interpretation of RE1, redubbed the voice lines to be more natural. The voice acting in REmake is still not great, though it is an improvement. There is not a single line of dialog that is nearly as bad as the original's, but it can still be spotty at points. Joe Whyte, Ed Smaron, and Hope Levy do a decent job with their roles despite occasional iffy line delivery. I found that Heidi Anderson-Swan, Jill's actress, was the least convincing with her performance. I wouldn't call her bad necessarily but she could have been cast better. Peter Jessop gives the game's best performance, portraying Wesker as a truly manipulative and evil man. Overall, not bad, but not fantastic either.

The only major criticism I have isn't of the game itself, but rather, the PC port of the HD Remaster. It's a bit of a mess. Firstly, the port is unnecessarily demanding on lower to mid-end hardware, leading to an inconsistent framerate on those machines. Secondly, despite supporting 120 FPS, the game forces your monitor to output in 60 hertz in fullscreen mode, causing screen-tearing. The game also has no borderless fullscreen mode, meaning that when alt-tabbing, the game has to not only defocus the game but also change the refresh rate back to your monitor's default. This is incredibly inconvenient. Some music tracks even play faster than they're supposed to. These issues can all be fixed with relative ease, but shouldn't exist in the first place. Nevertheless, the PC port is the only way you can currently experience this game in 60 FPS or greater, so it's worth it if you're willing to spend 20 minutes downloading some fixes.

Shinji Mikami's Resident Evil Remake is a survival horror masterpiece. Everything that matters in this game is done perfectly. From the atmosphere to game design, to horror, to visuals, it accomplishes it all. It even expands on the story in a meaningful way, which I greatly appreciate. Insanely difficult, incredibly terrifying, and unfathomably gorgeous, REmake is a game everyone needs to play.

Starts off strong, encounters are tough and waves really test how how I could utilize all the weapons and abilities available. Typical Warhammer mellowdrama dialogue plods along, but combat kept me coming back for more. Steady upgrades and changes to combat while adding enemies or increasing odds against me was great.

After a while, you begin to "get it." You can tell they start to lose creativity with the encounters and enemy types. Upgrades are just more of existing resources and lack of weapon variety adds to the staleness.

This is a great "turn the brain off" type of game. Really don't have to think too much once systems get into place. Didn't finish, maybe will later this year when the sequel gets a release date but for now just bored with it.

Remember when Running with Scissors would show up to gaming expos with a bunch of half-naked pornstars and models in tow to promote whatever the Postal franchise was doing next? Man, the 2000s were wild. The whole "Postal Babes" marketing campaign was apparently so successful it led to the ladies appearing in the actual games themselves, spawning a now defunct website where the company would post naughty pics of them, and starring in their own official spin-off title here.

A single glance at its name and artwork will tell what this mobile excursion is all about. Namely letting you play an action game where you get to look at chicks in their underwear. While I'm sure this was absolutely outrageous back in its day, in our modern era where we have witches clothed in hair who will show you everything but their cooter or nipples and the romance scenes in RPGs have long since turned into softcore pornos, the occasional sight of a pixelated thong-clad booty is hardly salacious enough to shock or offend anymore. Heck, it barely even gets the blood pumping.

What will get you worked up is the gameplay however, as this is unbelievably and stupidly hard. I'm talking that old-school unfair NES level of difficult that would have you questioning if the devs didn't know what they were doing or were just sadists, and leave a younger James Rolfe foaming at the mouth with rage. It starts off fine, but goes right down the crapper the second guns are introduced. At that point the whole thing becomes a torturous trial-and-error process of memorizing enemy placements so that you can try to shoot foes from offscreen before they do the same to you. I feel legitimately sorry for those who bought this on smaller devices because finishing this becomes borderline impossible on narrower aspect ratios.

A shame, as there are genuinely a few touches like the handful of sniping sections and a larger than usual for the format number of stages that show HeroCraft did at least attempt to make the project fun and something of quality. Unfortunately, the list of agonizing faults only continues to compile to include instant-death bomb defusing, bafflingly few health pickups, and needing to carefully manage the ammo in your more powerful weapons to use at the right spots. Turning what should have been a cheesy, sleazy good time into a source of unmitigated pain and suffering. Which I suppose if you were a teen trying to get his rocks off to a steamy-looking cellphone cocktease game in 2009 (why would anyone play this on the go?!) is probably what you deserved. I'm merely somebody who thought it would be amusing/interesting to marathon the entire Postal catalogue though, so I didn't. 🥺

2/10

(Part 3 of 5)

As I have previously mentioned, during development of Sonic 3, the game had to be split in half in order for Sega to meet deadlines with their releases, and out of this decision, we got two completely separate games: Sonic the Hedgehog 3, and Sonic & Knuckles. This decision did make both of these games seem a bit lacking in terms of content, but thankfully… there was a way to remedy this situation. See, while Sonic & Knuckles is still a fully original game that you can play all by itself, it is also a game with a lock-on feature, where you can take any other Sega Genesis title and plop it right on top of Sonic & Knuckles while in the system, making it look like some sort of inbred monster. For the most part, most Sega Genesis titles don’t really give you anything new or special from doing this (aside from one thing that I will get to later), but, whenever you put Sonic 3 onto it, you are able to finally play the true, definitive version of Sonic 3, which is comically referred to as Sonic the Hedgehog 3 & Knuckles.

For all the years that I have been playing this game, THIS is the version that I have always stuck to, whether it be for just a regular run or for a 100% run, and honestly, why wouldn’t I? Given the fact that this is a thing, there really isn’t any reason to go back and play through the original versions, unless you wanna see all of the little details those games had compared to this, which are interesting to see, but let’s be real here: THIS is the only version of Sonic 3 that you ever need to play. So, with that in mind, I can confidently say that this is, without a doubt, one of the best games in the entire series, and quite possibly the best game you could possibly find on the Sega Genesis. Sure, it’s not my favorite Sonic game, and it doesn’t necessarily fix some of the smaller issues I have about the game, but as a whole, it not only brings these two games together to make one big, wonderful package to blaze through, but it adds just that little bit extra to make it all worthwhile.

Once again, for the most part, not too much about the game has changed, as all the graphics, music, the story, control, and gameplay remains the same, running at that consistent quality you come to expect from these titles, but this time around, some things are now altered to fit the experience more. From the start of the game, you can now play as Knuckles, and you can play through all the levels as him, from Angel Island all the way to The Doomsday Zone, so that is pretty cool. In addition, several of the levels have new layouts for the sake of having these new characters to play as, you go right from Launch Base to Mushroom Hill whenever you beat that level, and you can now play as Tails in all of the S&K levels, so that is pretty cool for those of you big Tails fans out there.

The biggest change made between this and the original versions, however, would have to be with the Chaos Emeralds. As per usual, you collect them in the same manner that you would in the original Sonic 3 and S&K, and you can still turn into Super Sonic, but you don’t get to do so forever. Once you reach Mushroom Hill Zone, all of your Chaos Emeralds are now gone, and you are now forced to go looking around for new Special Rings in order to get them back. Only this time, once you go inside one of these rings, you are taken to Hidden Palace Zone, where you will be tasked with getting one of the seven Super Emeralds… which are essentially just the Chaos Emeralds, except bigger and more powerful. You do this by playing through the special stages from S&K, and once you manage to get all of them, you are then given the ultimate reward: the ability to turn into Hyper Sonic… which is essentially Super Sonic, except now you can do a screen nuke attack, and you can give people seizures! So that’s fun.

Sonic doesn’t get to hog all the god-like fun for himself though, as Tails and Knuckles can also get their own super forms from doing this as well, which is pretty great to see, especially since Tails didn’t even get his own super form in the original Sonic 3. For the most part, these forms are pretty similar to that of Hyper Sonic, so there isn’t much difference to be found here, with the exception of Super Tails, who not only has all of those previously mentioned qualities, but he can also summon an army of birds to help him out. Once again, I don’t particularly play as Tails or Knuckles in this game, but for those that do, getting these rewards is pretty great if you enjoy these characters more then Sonic, and they can also be even more helpful, such as the aforementioned bird army Tails has, which is able to annihilate bosses.

Overall, despite not adding too much new content, or changing anything in the game too drastically, Sonic 3 & Knuckles manages to do what it sets out to do, and as a result, creates not just one of the best games on the Sega Genesis, but also one of the best Sonic games of all time. It is one of my personal favorite games in the series (previously my favorite), and it has so many fantastic qualities to it that are still fun to go back and revisit all the way to this day, even after 30 years. I would absolutely recommend this version of the game alone, for those who loved the original versions, or for those who are just Sonic fans in general, because if you somehow haven’t played this version of the game, then you have clearly been missing out for all these years. By the way, you wanna know why Sonic 3 was initially sliced in half during development? Like, the actual, concrete reason why? It’s because Sega wanted the game to be released alongside a Happy Meal toy line that was gonna be released with McDonald’s… I’m fucking serious, look it up, it’s so dumb.

Update #7

From my own personal experience, there aren’t too many good things that I can say when it comes to the company Ubisoft. I haven’t played too many of their games, as a large amount of them don’t really hold that much appeal to me, but even as an onlooker, I can tell just how soulless and mind numbing a lot of their titles are just by glancing over them, seeing them put little effort into making these games different from one another, or let alone putting any real quality into any of them whatsoever………….. it also doesn’t help that the company itself is one huge piece of shit, but that’s a story for another review at another time. With that being said though, if there is one thing that I can praise the people at Ubisoft, specifically Ubisoft Montpellier, for doing, it would be giving the world the gift of the Rayman franchise, a series that has been on and off (mostly off) ever since the mid-90s, and has more often than not delivered some truly amazing platforming experiences that few other games can replicate, especially with Rayman Origins and Legends, being not only some of the best games that Ubisoft has ever made, but also some of the best platformers OF ALL TIME, if you ask me. However… I can’t lie and say that this series is absolutely flawless, because that isn’t true in the slightest, and you can easily see why when you go back to revisit the original game that started it all, Rayman.

This was actually the very first Rayman game that I ever played, which makes sense, seeing as my chronology mindset won’t let me do anything out of order in the slightest. I recall seeing other Rayman games plenty of times before that point, thinking that they looked neat enough, and I had heard enough great things about them to where it made me want to give the series a try at some point. So, I went ahead and downloaded the original title off of the PSN, booted it up, and proceeded to go through one of the biggest rude awakenings I have ever had whenever playing any video game whatsoever. Any of you who have played the game for yourself know EXACTLY what I am talking about, hence why I rated this game as low as I did. Rayman for the PS1 is one of the most conflicting games that I have ever had the “pleasure” of playing through, providing plenty of enjoyable and downright INCREDIBLE elements that one could ever find from a platformer at the time, but at the same time……….. GOD DAMMIT.

The story is one we have all heard in some form or another, where in the mystical land of the Valley (wow, what a great name), everyone is living in peace and harmony thanks to the efforts of the Great Platoon, a magical artifact that protects the inhabitants of the world, but all of a sudden, the evil Mr. Dark (wow, what another great name) appears to steal the Great Platoon, defeating the guardians of the Valley and sending all of the Electoons living in the land to be imprisoned for all eternity, so it is up to Rayman to set out on a journey to save the Electoons, defeat Mr. Dark, and return the Valley to its normal state once again. It is a fairly simple plot, but what makes it work here is with how it is presented, not only helped by the game’s visuals, but also with cutscenes detailing the events of what goes on in the game in a simplistic, yet effective manner. I mean, come on, when you see the Electoons crying the cages, you can’t help but want to go save as many of them as you can.

The graphics are absolutely phenomenal, being one of the best looking platformers to ever comes from not just the early PS1 era, but from any game in general at the time, having plenty of beautiful environments to go through and wonderful designs and animations for all of the characters, the music is fantastic, having plenty of wonderful tracks to vibe to all the way through, from calm and pleasant tracks like this one, to more jazzy and upbeat tracks like this one, and the gameplay/control is pretty simple enough, with you being able to get a grasp on it pretty easily a good amount of the time, but then you get further along into the game and……….. sigh, we’ll get there soon enough.

The game is a 2D platformer, where you take control of Rayman, go through a set of six worlds, each with a unique theme that separates them not just from each other, but from plenty of other games as well, run, jump, and punch your way through plenty of different enemies while avoiding some pretty deadly hazards and traps, gather plenty of different items to make you slightly stronger and to heal yourself, while also saving as many Electoons as you can, and take on plenty of whimsical and entertaining bosses, who range from being pretty simple, to making you wanna TEAR YOUR FUCKING-.......... inhale, hold off on it, Mega, we will get there….. sigh, but yeah, for the most part, you got a pretty basic platforming adventure here, nothing too unique from what we have seen before, but the visuals, soundtrack, and unique aspects of gameplay alone make it stand out from any other game released at the time, and it makes it very fun to play through…… for a good while.

From the beginning, you get accustomed to how this game plays pretty quickly, walking around and jumping through these colorful lands, while also gaining plenty of abilities to help you along the way, such as the ability to glide with your hair, or even to… punch and hang from ledges. Because apparently Rayman is a fucking idiot who can’t do those things on his own. However, as the game goes on, it will introduce plenty of new ways to switch up the gameplay, not only to challenge the player in new and creative ways, but also giving a new gameplay style that you will have to experiment with. Even in the first world alone, there are levels where you will be planting plants to help you ascend up this canyon to avoid the water rising from below, and there’s another level where you will be flying on a giant mosquito that you just previously beat the shit out of! Like with Donkey Kong Country, this game knows how to keep the player engaged from start to finish, making sure to make each level feel unique and different from each other in some way, making you want to see what it all has to offer….. for a good while, anyway.

Not to mention, I can’t stress this enough, but the visuals that the game is sporting really makes it all that much more enjoyable to play through, not just in terms of how good they look, but also the creativity that can be implemented through them. You have your typical worlds here and there, like a mystical forest and some rocky mountains, but then you have other worlds that are made up of musical instruments, or ones that are made of art and craft supplies, and even ones entirely made up of candy! Sure, some of these could be seen as somewhat generic, since a lot more games have used these themes, but at the time, this had to be one of the most creative platformers out there just based on the worlds alone, and this is pushed even further with the enemies and bosses, as well as some of the obstacles, and the means you have to use in order to get through them, making it very fun to traverse through to discover just what else the game could be hiding around the corner……. for a good while anyway.

Ok, ok, now that we have alluded to it enough at this point, we should get to the real… meat and potatoes on my thoughts on this game. You see, I may have been praising this game for quite a while now in this review, talking about its wonderful visuals, creativity, music, and all that jazz, but let me tell you something right here and now……… I FUCKING HATE playing this game. Seriously, hand on my heart, swear to god, this is, without a doubt in my mind, one of the most frustrating, brutal, and UNFAIR games that I have ever played in my life! This may come as a shock to you who aren’t familiar with this game, or for those who have played any of the later games in this series, but all of you who have played this game know EXACTLY what I am talking about, but for those of you that don’t…. strap yourselves in, cause I’m about to tear this thing apart.

From the beginning, the game seems fairly simple, nothing too hard, but nothing too easy either, allowing you to get through the first world pretty swimmingly to give you a good taste as to what you will be in for. However, whenever you reach the second world, Band Land, that’s when everything starts to fall apart. Sure, Band Land itself isn’t too difficult, but you can definitely see a rise in difficulty here that you wouldn’t have expected this early on, with plenty of annoying segments and sections that you need precise reflexes on or else you will get hurt. Upon reaching the third world, Blue Mountains, that’s when all hell breaks loose, with the game taking NO MERCY on you, throwing many different obstacles at you, some of the most precise and bullshit platforming you can imagine, plenty of sections where just one wrong move will cost you a life, and some collectibles that can just FUCK RIGHT OFF with how aggravating they can be to get. The boss fights don’t get that much better either, especially with this one right here, which took me way too long to beat just because of how aggravating and unpredictable it is in general.

But hey, that in itself doesn’t seem so bad, right? It’s a hard game with plenty of BS, so what? I’ve played through many of these before and turned out fine, so what’s the big deal? Oh, I’ll tell you what’s the big deal: you have LIMITED continues. From the start of the game, you only get a couple of lives, and whenever you lose them all, you have to use five of your continues. That in itself doesn’t sound so bad, as plenty of games before that worked that way too, but what the problem is is that this game is actively making sure that you fail, with every single obstacle, enemy, and hazard that you come across on your journey far enough in meaning to get you killed in some bullshit way or another. That means that you will lose all of your lives and continues, meaning that you have to start the whole game over again. Sure, there are codes you can use to get around that, but FUCK THAT SHIT! Why should I have to use a code in order to actually feel safe and comfortable when playing through a video game?! It should be like that from the beginning!

And if that wasn’t bad enough, having to go through all of the bullshit challenges in this game, dying over and over again, and needing to restart the game because you lost all of your continues, there is one final nail in the coffin that seals this game’s fate in my eyes: you HAVE to 100% it. In order to reach the final area of the game, the Candy Chateau, you have to free all of the Electoons from the cages throughout all of the levels, meaning that you physically cannot beat the game without 100%ing it. That alone takes the game’s already high difficulty and ramps it up by 10. Sure, there are plenty of Electoons that can be rescued pretty easily, especially in the first world of the game, but most of the other ones are ridiculously hard to get, all because of the game’s tendency for putting in bullshit level design and enemies to screw you up, making you feel like you went through Hell and back just trying to rescue these damn things, all in the process to just beat the game. Not to mention, I HATE this trope in games, wherever you are playing along, just having a good time, and then the game tells you you can’t beat it unless you get everything. Some manage to handle this trope better then others, but if the game deliberately tells you you have to get all of the previously-optional collectibles in order to actually beat it, that is when it ends up on my shit list.

Now, you may be wondering, how did any of this happen? Was the game just deliberately designed to be as frustrating as humanly possible, or was there a point to all of this that can somehow make it all the more understandable? Well, surprisingly, it’s actually the latter. You see, during development of a video game, there is this wonderful little thing called “beta testing”, where beta testers will interact with everything that possibly can in a video game, not only to point out certain glitches or bugs that need to be worked out, but to also suggest altering things around in order to make the playing experience that much better for the consumer. Rayman on the PS1, unsurprisingly, had ZERO beta testing done on it whatsoever, or at least, it was very little compared to how much is usually given to a game. That alone completely clears up why this game is such a pain in the ass: they went ahead and programmed an entire game full with plenty of bullshit moments and challenges, and nobody tested it enough in order to tell the designers to go back and make it more manageable to play through. I would be mad about that, but after all of the ranting I have just done, I gotta say…… that’s just fucking depressing.

Overall, despite how wonderful the visuals, music, and ideas in this game truly are, I personally cannot stand the original Rayman on PS1, with it being so blatantly difficult and unfair to the point where I never wanna touch it again in my entire life. Sure, I did give it a 2.5 out of 5, which is pretty generous for how I really feel about it, but it is just because those visuals and bits of music are just THAT wonderful, to the point where it is so much more pleasant to watch and listen to rather then it is to play. I would recommend this game ONLY for those who are massive Rayman fans, ones who just need to consume everything they can that the franchise has to offer, but for everyone else, I wouldn’t touching this game with a ten-foot pole…………… however, what I will tell you to do is to play Rayman Redemption instead. This is a fan-made reimagining of the original game by Ryemanni, and while I myself haven’t played it cause my scars haven’t healed yet, apparently it completely revitalizes the game, fixing all of the issues the original game had, and actually making it fun and not making you wanna pull your hair out! I do definitely wanna give it a shot at some point just to see how it really is, but from what I heard, it is definitely worth it, so go give them some love. Until then though, I will just move on with my life, wondering what the hell Rayman is supposed to be, and how he can function without any limbs whatsoever, as I always do…..

Game #610