"The Most Realistic Depiction of New York in any Video Game."

Holy SHIT. And I thought CONTROL was weird. I truly don't think there's any game that tells its story and its characters and its sequences quite like Alan Wake II. It's filled with weird offshoot sequences, live-action cutscenes, callbacks to previous games, 4th wall-shattering meta-narratives, and some of the craziest plot turns in any game I've ever played.

That feel, that atmosphere, and all the stuff that is truly the focus of Alan Wake II is its best aspects. There are so many genres of film and game being thrown here at once all in a uniquely meta and twisted package that to spoil ANY of it would be a massive disservice to you. It all looks, sounds, and is acted to near perfection. And since I'm playing on PS5 I can confirm that the fact that some of this shit runs as well as it does is some of the most mindblowing technical shit that any game has ever done to me.

So. What's the problem? For me, the one thing that holds Alan Wake II back is the stuff related to its immersion. It's nothing too crazy but after an hour of two of being in the zone in this weird horror arthouse picture, getting thrown into pretty okay combat and contending with a weird, unbalanced weapon upgrading system that feels straight out of fucking Destiny doesn't really mesh well with the tone and vibe this game is trying to set up. There are long stretches and moments where I feel truly and entirely invested in this amazing game, but when that immersion breaks it's all the more confusing and disorienting compared to a more action-focused survival horror game like RE4R.

But make no mistake, some simple tweaks could really throw this game into straight masterpiece territory. But what I'm more proud of is that, even as someone who's only played control and only seen the story of Alan Wake through a Fortnite map, it's truly evident how much remedy has been building up here. This game feels like a studio that's always been really close to realizing their potential finally reaching it and now I am incredibly excited for whatever they do next.

The buggiest Jackbox release I ever played crashed alongside a pretty mediocre roster that peaks with a sequel to a game introduced 7 years ago. Fixytext is also pretty fun, and timejynx is a pretty okay trivia game, but Dodo re mi is horribly inaccurate and suffers from awful frame rate and input delays, and hypnotorious is a boring concept that is stretched out way longer than it should. Toss in a few freezing buckets, some crashing games, and some unskippable intros and you certainly got one of the jackbox games of all time to be sure.

"The Coke-Addicted Baby of Mario World and Tropical Freeze"

Super Mario Bros. Wonder should not be a real game. It's absolutely incredible just how much time, effort, and passion went into each frame of this game. It successfully did the hardest uphill battle Mainline Mario has ever had to deal with, which was to redeem 2D Mario in the good graces of the public.

After 17 years with the new Super Mario bros series everyone either bounced off of 2D Mario or was desperately waiting for a new innovative title in the style of Mario 3 or World, and here is me slapping in the face to tell you that THIS is that game.

Mario Wonder is one of the best-looking games on the entire system. From the lighting to the textures, to the new art style, to all of the creative new animations and backgrounds it looks like a fucking painting. The Music is also really great as usual, with some standout tracks and good use of adaptive music throughout.

But the absolute best thing about this game is just how much game there is here. If there was ever any doubt that a 2D Mario is worth selling at $60, take the absolutely monstrous amount of main levels, with a bunch of different side missions like Badge Challenges, KO Arenas, Wiggler Races, and Search Rooms that are all fun in their unique way, with 12 playable characters and unique wonder effects that almost always surprise and impress you, it's crazy how much design variety there is here.

Each level feels completely distinct even if they share level themes or wonder effects, and for every one level that isn't incredible there's like 4 more that are right afterward. It's one of the most creative platformers I've ever seen. And the connective tissue and structure of this game is also what sells it. Between the different worlds and the unique challenges they face, to all of the fun dialogue, to some worlds not even ending with bosses, it makes this game feel like a Paper Mario game at times. It feels like a true action/adventure game.

And speaking of dialogue, I love those fucking flowers so much. They're consistently entertaining and funny, and even if you don't like them, you can turn off the voices and text separately, so you're good! The voice acting for all of the characters is also way more in-depth and entertaining than usual with the new voices of Mario, Luigi, Daisy, and Yoshi all doing a great job!

So is there any.. problems with the game? On a nitpicky scale, yeah. The online, from what I've heard, isn't the absolute smoothest. It mostly just works but does stutter occasionally. It's the switch and it's not enough to ruin the multiplayer. But for me personally, the only real issue I have is just a disappointment. I wish there were more bosses in this game than JUST Bowser and Bowser Jr. I'm fine with the Koopalings being gone, but if this game had unique bosses then it would probably be the best 2D Platformer... ever, I think?

But for now, it's still probably my favorite Mario game 2D or otherwise, and one of the best PLATFORMERS ever made. Not just 2D. Just platformers in general.

"New Sonic Mania U Deluxe"

Oh boy.. here we go. Look, I am not gonna start this review with the usual game journalist bullshit of bringing up Sonic's history. You already know it and am tired of hearing people reiterate it. What I would like to bring up, though, are the weird responses the Sonic Community has had over reviews criticizing a game they haven't played yet. When I saw those scores I was disappointed, sure, but I was not ready to invalidate the opinion of someone who has played a game when I haven't. I won't 100% stick by it but I will keep it open in my mind.

I say this now because after playing Sonic Superstars, I completely 100% understand the criticisms this game offers. This game is, on the whole, aight. It's a pretty standard 2D Sonic Game with some good controls, mostly fun level design, a cute set of cutscenes threading the game together, and some moments where I was just having fun speeding through like any other 2D Sonic game.

But more than Mania, 3K, or even Sonic 2, this game has a fair bit holding it back from being "solid" as opposed to just "okay." The first big thing is the game's presentation, the game looks pretty rough. Characters look neat but some of the levels you run through look blocky and dour and not all that appealing. The game ran well, but there were bugs aplenty like collision and sound issues, multiple crashes, and a section where the game booted me back to the start of a ZONE when I died to a boss. That was really annoying. And finally, and this is the one you've all been waiting for, the music is a MASSIVE mixed bag. Most of it is just.. okay. Forgettable generic sonic music but nothing too bad. Then you randomly either get to an act with a Tee Lopes song that sounds amazing, or a boss or level with some of the worst music in any Sonic Game. The boss theme is so fucking bad you guys oh my god.

In terms of gameplay issues, apart from a level or two where the level itself was insufferable, the main issue I have with the game on its own is that all of the bosses are... awful. Like genuinely awful even by 2D Sonic standards. There are a couple in particular that I 100% see people quitting the game over. Collision is janky, they usually take ages before allowing you to hit them, and telegraphing is either nonexistent or poorly shown. It's so bad.

And the last major problem I have with the game is that the two main aspects of the game they used to advertise it don't enhance the game at all, and, at points, make it worse. First are the Emerald Powers. Most of them aren't that helpful as the stages are not designed around them at all because they're completely optional, so they just feel like something you get and then promptly forget about as you continue to 2D Sonic like normal. The one time where I went out of my way to use it was when I wanted to cheese an aerial boss and randomly generated platforms couldn't give me the arc to jump that I needed.

And the 4 player co-op is legitimately frustrating and it reaffirms why this sort of idea just can't work. If a player gets caught on the edge of the screen they have to respawn, but when everyone is running through the level at probably different speeds it makes the levels that already weren't built for co-op even more chaotic and frustrating.

Overall, I can't say this is a bad game or even near the worst 2D Sonic game I've played, but for something that should have been a slam dunk for the Sonic team, this was a huge disappointment. It's fun and I definitely don't mind that it exists or that people enjoy it, but I'm not sure what this game could do for people that Mania, 2 or 3K can't do better. Sorry........

"I'm making mac and cheese and NOBODY CAN STOP ME!"

It feels so rare to find a game with quite literally nothing to offer. It is a Narrative Puzzle Video Game with a Bad Narrative, Bad Puzzles, Bad Video, and Bad Game. Let's break down these one by one.

The story in this game is QUITE BAD. Not only are almost none of the jokes and comedic antics found throughout this game all that funny, but the pacing of the story is so awful that it makes you get whiplash at multiple moments. One positive I'll give this is that this whiplash pacing can lead to scenes that are unintentionally hilarious (like the aforementioned Mac and Cheese scene) but it just reeks of laziness, not helped by the fact that the characters love to blatantly shout all of the metaphors and comparisons in the story out of fear for people not getting it. At least the Voice Acting is okay..?

This game was very clearly designed as a baby's first detective game so I was not expecting puzzles on the level of Ace Attorney, Return of the Obra Dinn, LA Noire, or even Danganronpa, but what I was expecting was.. any actual gameplay. The puzzles in this game are so brain-dead easy that you might not even RECOGNIZE THEM as puzzles until they're over. Again, this game was very clearly made for very young kids, so I'm not expecting too difficult puzzles, but the E-rated Pikmin 4, Luigi's Mansion 3, and Origami King are all on this console as well, so considering this is a $50 GAME you could definitely do a little more than this.

All of this would already put this game pretty low for me, like a 5 or something, but the real Achilles heel of this game is the fact that despite the sheer lack of gameplay or narrative substance, this game looks DIABOLICALLY BAD. These are the guys who made the Pokepark games on Wii AND the first Detective Pikachu on 3DS and, for those system's graphical capabilities, they didn't look bad. But this game looks absolutely HORRID. Not just in comparison to other switch games, but even compared to almost ALL of the other pokemon games on THIS SAME SYSTEM. The Lighting in this game is just straight-up nonexistent, the character models feel like they're plucked straight off the 3DS with very minimal upscaling, and the colors look incredibly washed out and drab. There are mobile games that look better than this. This might actually be the second-ugliest game I played this year behind Gollum because AT LEAST GARTEN OF BANBAN HAS LIGHTING. A lot of reviews that are a little softer on the game, criticize this game's graphics but praise its overall art direction with pokemon being seen as more alive than just animals. And to that, I say, go play Pokepark 2 on the wii.

Now, if this game was just a $20-$40 e-shop title that was thrown on switch after a tumultuous development period, then this review wouldn't be as long. I wouldn't even really care that much. But, and I must reiterate, this game is $50. And for $50, you get an incredibly short game with basically no gameplay, a poorly paced and unengaging story, puzzles so easy that even a baby could solve them, and, quite possibly, the worst visuals from any Nintendo Published game.... ever? (at least by the standards of when they were released) This game signals to me as direct proof, that the poor technical states of the Pokemon series have NOTHING to do with the individual developers of these games but with how Nintendo and The Pokemon Company keep imposing incredibly strict deadlines on these devs to keep pumping out games all the time, which is something Game Freak itself has acknowledged and is saying they're trying to move away from.

So I really hope that this game ages a lot worse in the future.

"To Pimp a Butterfly"

This definitely feels like one-half of Limbo or Inside. I've not played Somerville because I heard it was bad, but I think it's fascinating how much different, yet similar this game feels to Inside and Limbo. What it loses in it's atmosphere dark art direction and metanarrative, it makes up for in being one of the smartest and toughest puzzle games I've played in a long time. And considering how good the game looks and sounds anyway, I'd say that this game isn't a noticeable step down from Inside. The only minor disappointment is how little story there is, even compared to Inside which mostly shares it through subtext. There are some good ideas but there's nothing in this game as shocking or as memorable as the ending of Inside.

But it doesn't really need that, if it did it probably would have been the best puzzle game I've ever played, but it's still a really really good one. Even if it makes me lament when these two didn't fucking hate each other.