"Whew," the enamored g@me play0r sighs out in reverence as the boss clearly designed by someone who thought they were on a job for a mediocre Platinum title did three SICKASS ANIMEY slow-mo front flips, each dealing 70% max health damage to the player with around 8 quintillion HP (which was only reasonable to invest a few points into after getting some from the eleventh Piss-And-Shit-Smeared Tree Spirit overworld boss fight that also netted a BAD. ASS. spirit ash to help you circumvent said bosses in the future except it's objectively worse than half the ones you already have) which they got to by trekking across seven hills, seven lands, seven seas and seven hells, each populated by more barren stretches of land than the last with s p o o k y copy-pasted caves and catacombs breaking up the monotony of running into small platoons of disinterested enemies you can't even be assed to to swing a sword on horseback at on your way to the next 𝓛𝓮𝓰𝓪𝓬𝔂 𝓓𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓸𝓷 (VERY important areas they put all their ACTUAL level design into! which is why half of them are directionless slogs where everything looks the same and with enemy placement done by the one only Mr Miyazaki'ˢ ⁸⁻ʸᵉᵃʳ⁻ᵒˡᵈ ˢᵒⁿ who really liked the funny jump battan) so that they can find an NPC which mysteriously vanished one Saturday night a few weeks into the playthrough but is crucial for the conditions of one of the many different-colored endings outlined by the Purposely Vague and not frequently Irritatingly Nebulous lore (which is totally okay because that's how they always did quests dude :P it's NOT comically archaic in contrast to the world design xP) but at least there's some World Essence and Snail Drippings to pick up on the way in case you ever find a cookbook that teaches you how to MacGuyver the two into a portable ICBM and then not land the shot because the Lands Between Olympic Champion you're chucking it at read your input had superior reflexes, "From the Software has done it again!"


I gotta be honest man I think this formula has the studio stuck spinning their wheels and given ER's astronomical success they're probably not gonna try reinventing it anytime soon. The game isn't bad. I'll still play the DLC. But seeing it heralded as the zenith of the genre let alone Fromsoft's masterwork gives me a fucking migraine.

What a fucking mess. How does a shooter with superpowered furries control so rigidly? My shots don't land half the time because the enemies jitter around like they've got Parkinson's. The upgrades over time went from "+40% Fire DMG" to whatever the fuck this is. Synergies are conveyed so poorly that you can be cleaning house with a character that should logically die to a gust of wind, but get oneshot with a build you were convinced is godly. The item descriptions are so incomprehensible that you have to check the Wiki to see what they actually do. The boss fights are nearly all inexcusable garbage, I can't believe Wind God ever passed Q&A let alone was kept in the game in its current form. The environments are so plain you'd be forgiven for thinking you're playing an alpha version. There's such a strong feeling of complexity creep and lack of direction to the whole thing. What's that? Why do I have 200 hours in it? That's a great question,

It kinda sucks to play but it's charming in a way nothing else is because, I mean, fucking look at it? It's a Cartoon Network anime apocalypse MMO, possibly the most 2009 concept ever published as a video game. Surprisingly cool in some regards like the player outfits and enemies, but the gameplay is persistently dull despite some occasional challenge. It's something pretty much nobody would give a shit about if it wasn't for the aesthetics. However if they made this today it would probably end up being even more forgettable mobile gachashit so I'm glad you can at least take it for a spin thanks to a dedicated fan effort, because the novelty of the whole thing makes it a fun romp for a few hours. Playable museum of a bygone era.

>looking for a new ARPG
>ask store guy if the game is Diablo 2 or PoE
>he doesn't understand
>i pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is Diablo 2 and what is PoE
>he laughs and says "it's a good game sir"
>buy game
>it's PoE