Soarel
2018
I can't fucking take it anymore. I see an image of a random object posted and then I see it, I fucking see it. "Oh that looks kinda like the among us guy" it started as. That's funny, that's a cool reference. But I kept going, I'd see a fridge that looked like among us, I'd see an animated bag of chips that looked like among us, I'd see a hat that looked like among us. And every time I'd burst into an insane, breath deprived laugh staring at the image as the words AMOGUS ran through my head. It's torment, psychological torture, I am being conditioned to laugh maniacly any time I see an oval on a red object. I can't fucking live like this... I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't! And don't get me fucking started on the words! I'll never hear the word suspicious again without thinking of among us. Someone does something bad and I can't say anything other than "sus." I could watch a man murder everyone I love and all I would be able to say is "red sus" and laugh like a fucking insane person. And the word "among" is ruined. The phrase "among us" is ruined. I can't live anymore. Among us has destroyed my fucking life. I want to eject myself from this plane of existence. MAKE IT STOP! GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
![Under Night In-Birth Exe:Late[cl-r]](https://images.igdb.com/igdb/image/upload/t_cover_big/co25f8.jpg)
I WANT TO BANG THE UNDER NIGHT IN-BIRTH TWINK SO GODDAMM BAD
Holy fucking shit. I want to bang the under night in-birth twink so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go on netplay I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Chaos. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Chaos’ tight boypussy. I want him to have my mutant mpreg babies.
Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with my best friend. I'd dressed him in my sister's glasses and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my PC. I might not ever get to see Chaos again.
Holy fucking shit. I want to bang the under night in-birth twink so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go on netplay I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Chaos. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Chaos’ tight boypussy. I want him to have my mutant mpreg babies.
Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with my best friend. I'd dressed him in my sister's glasses and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my PC. I might not ever get to see Chaos again.
2019
This is one of the most gorgeous games I have ever played, with fantastic pixel art, animation, and cutscenes that perfectly match the artistic and architectural inspirations that went into it. The gameplay (at least in the first half of the game) is truly fantastic, with great platforming controls, and I loved nearly every moment I had with it. Because I love so much about this game, I'm just going to emphasize all the things I disliked about it to clarify where it fell short. Everything else in it is amazing.
1. It’s got the classic Igavania problem of becoming piss easy roughly 60% of the way through. The upgrades you get to your weapon (namely the and ESPECIALLY the dash attack) make nearly every combat encounter a total faceroll. It also doesn't help that the lightning miracle you get after beating Esdras melts most of the bosses and many of the tougher enemies you encounter in the 2nd half of the game. This is made even worse by the (optional but very easy to obtain) upgrade to your “bonfires” that lets you teleport between them — this not only makes the existing portal system (which works like an igavania) completely useless, but all the shortcuts too. Just bizarre that it’s even in the game.
2. The missable content in this game borders on Simon’s Quest tier. I had to rely on a walkthrough because so much of it is so obtuse and easy to drop. Not a HUGE problem but ideally you should be able to figure out what to do for sidequests organically rather than needing a guide. The Redento, Cleofas, and Egg sidequests particularly stuck out as obtuse to me, with two of those sidequests being required to obtain the 3 movement upgrades.
3. Rather than gating progression to new areas behind movement abilities you obtain later, only side and optional content requires them. Just a really weird decision in general IMO. Getting the movement abilities to begin with is also completely optional and very easy to miss.
4. Despite how good the platforming is otherwise, wall climbing blows chunks. You can only climb specific climbable walls, and the way you go up is super jittery and weird. The way it controls feels like you’re using a movement exploit to get to somewhere you’re not supposed to be in a game, but no, this is an intended mechanic.
5. This is a little of a personal pet peeve, but you can tell these devs really, REALLY don’t like Catholicism. They’re not subtle about it at all. I only played through the game once and don’t have the most solid understanding of the lore, but the saint relic descriptions are especially on the nose with this. It also particularly sticks out with the game’s particularly eldritch portrayal of God giving people horrific punishments simply because their guilt-based Catholic-expy religion “asks for it” (which reads as the classic “Jesus was good but those evil Catholics perverted his true teachings!” garbage). Half the NPCs you meet are horrific mutants whose religion instructs them to take it in stride. Again this is less of a criticism and more a personal pet peeve with the "euphoric fedora" vibe I got from this game.
Despite all of this, the game’s presentation is so fantastic and its core gameplay so good that I’m giving it a high rating regardless. These problems just stood out to me a lot.
1. It’s got the classic Igavania problem of becoming piss easy roughly 60% of the way through. The upgrades you get to your weapon (namely the and ESPECIALLY the dash attack) make nearly every combat encounter a total faceroll. It also doesn't help that the lightning miracle you get after beating Esdras melts most of the bosses and many of the tougher enemies you encounter in the 2nd half of the game. This is made even worse by the (optional but very easy to obtain) upgrade to your “bonfires” that lets you teleport between them — this not only makes the existing portal system (which works like an igavania) completely useless, but all the shortcuts too. Just bizarre that it’s even in the game.
2. The missable content in this game borders on Simon’s Quest tier. I had to rely on a walkthrough because so much of it is so obtuse and easy to drop. Not a HUGE problem but ideally you should be able to figure out what to do for sidequests organically rather than needing a guide. The Redento, Cleofas, and Egg sidequests particularly stuck out as obtuse to me, with two of those sidequests being required to obtain the 3 movement upgrades.
3. Rather than gating progression to new areas behind movement abilities you obtain later, only side and optional content requires them. Just a really weird decision in general IMO. Getting the movement abilities to begin with is also completely optional and very easy to miss.
4. Despite how good the platforming is otherwise, wall climbing blows chunks. You can only climb specific climbable walls, and the way you go up is super jittery and weird. The way it controls feels like you’re using a movement exploit to get to somewhere you’re not supposed to be in a game, but no, this is an intended mechanic.
5. This is a little of a personal pet peeve, but you can tell these devs really, REALLY don’t like Catholicism. They’re not subtle about it at all. I only played through the game once and don’t have the most solid understanding of the lore, but the saint relic descriptions are especially on the nose with this. It also particularly sticks out with the game’s particularly eldritch portrayal of God giving people horrific punishments simply because their guilt-based Catholic-expy religion “asks for it” (which reads as the classic “Jesus was good but those evil Catholics perverted his true teachings!” garbage). Half the NPCs you meet are horrific mutants whose religion instructs them to take it in stride. Again this is less of a criticism and more a personal pet peeve with the "euphoric fedora" vibe I got from this game.
Despite all of this, the game’s presentation is so fantastic and its core gameplay so good that I’m giving it a high rating regardless. These problems just stood out to me a lot.
It's kind of hard mid as an actual DLC, but you can mantle a bloodthirsty time-traveling gay cyborg demigod with a Mega Man buster arm, and read his lore via Kirkbride's imitation of a mythical epic, so it's worth it
This is the definition of a perfect game IMO, sure it's "too simple" or whatever but god does every piece fit together so well and create such a fantastic holistic experience. They don't make em like this anymore. Having to use the dagger to kill enemies is kinda annoying though I admit
The best Souls game by a hard margin. It totally lacks any of the rough edges or caveats that all the others -- fantastic as they are -- come with, it's just perfect in every way, from gameplay, to controls, to story/lore, to level design, to bosses, to visual presentation, to music. The only bad things I can say about it are that the Arcane stat is a bit underpowered, and the Chalice Dungeons as a concept just plain aren't very good, but neither of those detracts at all from the main experience.
2020
Want to play a good game from 2009, but with the art style and music butchered beyond belief in favor of a "Nintendo hire this man" AAA/Hollywood aesthetic, every last drop of SOVL sucked out, and all of the flaws and jank the original had that could've been cleaned up left intact? Well here comes Demon's Soulless!
Another classic, perfect game that just nails everything it tries to do and a shining example of "less is more". Every minimalist "cinematic" game that thinks it's a movie is trying to be this game, and they all fail where it triumphed.
Is the lore a bit thin in places compared to its predecessors? Yeah. Are rolls just a little too forgiving, and magic just a little too weak? Yup. Are some bosses punishing and artificially difficult endurance tests created as the product of From wholeheartedly buying into Dark Souls' misleading "hard game" marketing? Yes. But is it a fun and rewarding Souls experience despite all of that? You bet your ass!
It's Souls without Miyazaki, without the core visual identity and polish the series is known for, but I can't help but respect a lot of the ideas (it had the best weapon upgrade and PVP systems in the series, Soul Memory aside). Not to mention, despite some weak lore, the core existentialist story this game tells is really resonant, even compared to the other Souls games. Deeply flawed but respectable nonetheless.
2005
This game is actually a pretty fun if not super memorable hack and slash unlike the 1st. Unfortunately as Drakengard minus Yoko Taro the game's story is totally forgettable tripe. At least Caim is pretty cool in it
This game is actual dogshit. Within the first 5 seconds of gameplay you jump for the first time and just know this is what the game's gonna be from here on out. At least it's nice looking visually at times.
1996
The puzzles in this are needlessly obtuse and it's basically unplayable without a guide, but no other game has an atmosphere quite like this, using the unsettling uncanny valley nature of FMV games to its advantage in creating a black comedy folk-horror that pokes fun at the zeitgeist of the 90s and ultimately the moral panic around video games.
The retroactive insertion of MGS2's gameplay mechanics into MGS1's level design completely ruins the balance of the original game and makes for a less fun experience. The graphics are less charming than the low-poly original and the music and voice acting are a lot less iconic. One thing I DON'T think is worse are the cutscenes, though -- are you seriously complaining that a METAL GEAR game is over the top? That shit's great lmao
1996
can't spell france without rance