Like a horror game theme park. Or a horror game buffet. Or a horror game sweet shop.

Feels like an ambitious tie-in movie game for a Disney film, just with the characters occasionally swearing to remind you that this isn't Toy Story 3 for the Wii.

Should be illegal to make games this much fun.

I barely even played it but I know I'm not going to enjoy it. The concept is fantastic, and from the little tidbits I've read about where it ends up going, the execution is pretty good too, but I cannot stand games that deliberately make themselves boring as sin for the sake of 'artistry'. You're not clever, you're just annoying. Fuck off.

I made a joke a few months ago about Happy Home Designer HD and this is literally just that.

This is easily the most fun I've had with a Halo game, this is such a refined and entertaining sandbox that I could just spend hours messing around with. The grappling hook fits so well into the core loop it feels like it's always been there, and every other minor tweak and change is all in service of making the game even more fun. Picking up a fusion coil and lobbing it at some poor sap who's completely unaware of your existence will never not be entertaining.

It's a shame that everything else it attempts is very hit and miss. You can feel the corners cut everywhere and it's very obvious that this doesn't have an original bone in its body. This is no Halo 3, there's no awe-inspiring set pieces or distinctly memorable moments, and while it does hand you the tools to make your own, I'm not about to top The Covenant.

I too speak in speech bubble shaped jigsaw puzzles

Weird one. In some ways it's a clear blueprint for what Mullins would go on to perfect in Inscryption, but its also very much a first draft of the concept. A lot of cool ideas in here that don't get fleshed out enough and a lot of bad ones that get stretched out to infinity. Interesting though.

Pretty good, would have liked it more if instead of Mexico you got to drive around various mushroom kingdom locations, and instead of Fords and BMWs you got to drive the Teddy Buggy.

'Zen Game' my ass. You try and zone out when you're getting angry about the legalities of microwave placement.

Fucking excellent, just a beautifully designed game.

As someone who loves Metroidvanias for their unrivalled potential for environmental storytelling and unfiltered exploration, this really did not tick that box for me. It ticks a ton of other boxes, the combat is really fun, the level design (fundamentally) is good, the story is actually well told and engaging, every late-game boss is a fucking treat, but it always feels comparatively clunky in comparison to its contemporaries. There was not a single moment the alien planet I was exploring actually felt like an alien planet, and not just a series of rooms with deliberately placed progression barriers to guide me to the next upgrade. I understand that colour coding every single breakable block and doorway is part of the series' heritage, but when it’s at the expense of the worldbuilding I think you should just rip the band-aid off.

I'll probably come back to this in three years and give it five stars but it's hard to truly enjoy something when you're constantly wishing it was something else.

I had high expectations but holy shit dude.

Obviously insanely impressive from a purely contextual perspective, the fact this game even got made at all and came out this good is astounding. I've never played the original Half-Life so I can't really comment on all the changes Crowbar Collective made, but it is staggering how much of this feels like a full Valve release. It's beautifully designed throughout, the level design is pretty much flawless, every set piece tops the last, and the new Xen is indistinguishable in quality from the rest of the experience. In terms of design, it's basically perfect.

With that said, I can't say that I love to play it. As a piece of gaming history, Half-Life is one of the most important out there, but it also took me a month of on and off play sessions to finish it. I had a similar thing happen to me with Half Life 2 (although I ended up never finishing it). I have a huge amount of respect for both the original and the remake, but I'm not exactly clamouring to replay them anytime soon.

Deathloop shines when you fuck up and are forced to deal with the awful situation you've just put yourself in. Ducking and diving through windows, zipping around to different vantage point, taking a pot shot at an enemy before blasting everyone with a shotgun is so satisfying in a way only Arkane can pull off. These levels are a playground for goofy shit, beautifully designed to facilitate every possible approach you can think of, and adapt based on your own abilities.

It is a shame then that everything that isn't the core gameplay or the level design feels so half baked. Tutorials are the worst offender, which dump so much fucking text on you it's like you're playing a grand strategy game. Multiplayer invasions are a fun concept (and can be brilliant with the right opponent) but end up feeling more like a tacked-on gimmick than something integral to the structure of the experience. The way quests work is poorly explained and took me hours to realise that following them as closely as possible is the only sane way to get anywhere substantial. And the story, which should really be one of the highlights, is delivered so crudely you'll be lost for the entire first half and underwhelmed for the second.

I should emphasise again though: the game is still really really REALLY fun. No one does stealth like Arkane does stealth, and the core gameplay is so buttery smooth it feels effortless to play. It's just annoying seeing how close this comes to perfecting that formula before faltering right at the finish line.