I don't feel it's controversial to say this - we are living in the worst era of video games in the medium’s history. In this post-creative type age, AAA games are designed by corporate committees, the bleeding hearts and artists chained to their whim. Here's $10 billion dollars, make a game. Your livelihoods are threatened if it falls beneath our expectations, except not really because we're going to lay off 60% of your team anyway after launch. We want a remake of an old classic of yours now that we've bought the rights from your old publisher - we'll give you no more than five years to finish regurgitating the same game you made in a fifth of the time two decades ago but your game will still come out unpolished, unappreciated, your bloody hands and dried tear ducts for naught. We're your new publishers, we're looking for a change of pace from your streak of critically acclaimed titles - we feel a live service game will be more beneficial to us. We’ll be looking into layoffs and a potential merger if the Metacritic score doesn’t meet our expectations. It cannot be understated or made any clearer - the bubble is not about to burst; the bubble is bursting.

It goes without saying, and there is no exception in this day and age, that if a AAA game is good, it is good in spite of any grievous sins it commits. LEGO 2K Drive is a fun arcade racer. LEGO 2K Drive also costs $60 USD, has five consecutive battle passes each locked behind their own purchase, and in-game currency is drip-fed at a consistency I’ve seen more generous in Korean F2P mobile games.

What is the point of sending obviously hardworking, dedicated game developers to this critical death? Why must creative teams have to be chained to the ankles of executives uninterested in art form - merging, dissolving, firing developers at will off the weights of failures not their own? 2K Drive is fun. Undoubtedly. The divide between the joy of its loving arcadey gameplay and creative spirit to the horror of its fleshy, bleeding abscess of finance-leeching rotting flesh is too palpable. Though leeching it does, because after some time the imbalance grows too great.

User-made custom car creations are downloadable in-game in its current state, but I distinctly remember why publisher 2K had to announce this wasn’t planned to be before release, much to the chagrin of, well, everyone. What’s the point in creating if you can’t share with the world? The answer became obvious almost immediately when looking within. Why do I get 10 Brickbux for getting a gold medal in a challenge, and 50 when winning a race, when a fucking cosmetic car costs 10,000? Oh, that’s an easy answer, because you’d have no reason to be pressed to pay real money to boost your in-game currency if you could just download the cool user-created stuff online. This isn’t counting the five consecutive battle passes. This game also costs $60.

2K Drive’s progression is, by design, torturous, but its gameplay is at a clear odds from it. Cars handle well, its challenge missions engaging and varied, its races variably frantic and exciting, its story a cute and charming melting parody pot of racing story tropes. Despite finding myself growing more and more averse to the tired trend of open world games, this is where the divide is drawn with mile-wide crayon - it’s fun. The plainness of its formula is upended by the sheer joy of absurdity it relishes in - barreling through structures, rocketing through explosions of thousands of LEGO pieces both structural and minifigure (yes, you can just mow down pedestrians in this, it’s hilarious), pun-riddled dialogue both confident as it is surprisingly more endearing than annoying (something I think the LEGO games have always been good at). Unfortunately, its wholehearted spirit is progressively crushed the more time you invest, because you're expected to invest as much money as you do your own time into 2K Drive. Progression stagnates, incentives are diminished, and the only joy you can wring out after you feel closed off completely is just enjoying the online races yourself, outside of the story mode. Oh wait, no you can't, because the online also barely works.

You don’t need to stretch your neck out very far to see the state of the way multimedia is being curated today, and you don’t need a third eye and an all-encompassing andromedatic galaxy brain to see how much art today is dictated by committee - this is just the most obvious its ever looked. Underneath its Financial Terror Shield is a game that’s struggling to exist - an honest core, crying by itself, to just be a game. We’re undoubtedly worse off now, but this game wouldn’t even be much different 10 years ago. Its future also feels all too certain, being under the reins of many alike a publisher more eager to kill off a game’s entire service before they’ll let it live indefinitely without profit. It’s not just developers who’ve been demoralized and dehumanized throughout this process - you are also no longer a fan. You are a demographic, a consumer, a target market, complicit either way you look at it. If you need any further proof of the post-post times we live in, 7 companies have laid off their employees in the week I spent writing this on and off, and it’s only a matter of time before every brick in this failing structure is put back in its box. The most radical action a consumer can perform today is to download a user-made LEGO rendition of the Flintstone's Flintmobile off the content shop and not spend their actual Brickbux on the corporate-mandated seasonal coupes, and hope that when the last brick falls, we can all put a hand towards rebuilding.

Honestly, a super awesome beginner-friendly way to learning Riichi Mahjong. I wanted to learn how to play because I've been checking out the original famicom releases from 1983 and a mahjong game is one of them! I didn't want the cartridge just gathering dust on my shelf, so I asked a friend to help me learn how to play, and voila, wouldn't you know, he sends me to Mahjong Soul, and I couldn't be happier! Because of this website, I officially understand how to (shittily) play a game of Riichi Mahjong!

I'm someone who is super not into gacha or throwing anime girls into stuff randomly either, so the idea of Mahjong Soul initially didn't interest me too much, but honestly the way its all handled is marvelous! I truly expected it to be more intrusive with its gacha aspect, but ignoring it doesn't hinder the game at all for me. The girls can be a little annoying if I'm being super picky (nyaa~), but honestly they're fine characters, and they don't demand much attention. All together, Mahjong Soul is a really great way to learn, practice, and battle your friends in Riichi Mahjong!! It helps me understand the rules and what I can/can't do amazingly! Now I can't wait to kick some 1983 Famicom AI ass.

4/5

Had next to no expectations about this one so forgive me but I'm very pleased lol. I was Not expecting Rockstar to have it in them, this has so much arcade racer DNA despite its open-world core. Blisteringly fast & cartoonishly responsive controls, making great use of the open world's hazards and emergent chaos to make every race feel rich w/ needle-threading improv. Most impressed by how hard this is clearly pushing the PS2 graphically, in service of a dreary industrial conkcreet hellscape. With enough tricks of the light 20FPS feels like 9999FPS. Would earnestly recommend playing this in software rendering mode on pcsx2 for it to hit just right. Techstep of all things on the OST and fugly neon car underglow it's good to be back in 2006 again babye. Career mode is kind of threadbare, all of the cutscenes are Xavier Renegade Angel-grade FMVs where the dialogue is just "yo is that a car🤔❓ hit the boost ese 🗣️🔥" and you essentially experience all the game has to offer in the first hour of playing.

Far and away the most egregiously misguided attempt at myth-making in games history. This isn't the worst game ever. It's not the weirdest game ever. It is not the 'first American produced visual novel.' Limited Run Games seems content to simply upend truth and provenance to push a valueless narrative. The 'so bad it's good' shtick serves only to lessen the importance of early multimedia CD-ROM software, and drenching it in WordArt and clip art imparts the notion that this digital heritage was low class, low brow, low effort, and altogether primitive.

This repackaging of an overlong workplace sexual harassment/rape joke is altogether uncomfortable at best. Further problematising this, accompanying merch is resplendent with Edward J. Fasulo's bare chest despite him seemingly wanting nothing to do with the project. We've got industry veterans and games historians talking up the importance of digital detritus alongside YouTubers and LRG employees, the latter making the former less credible. We've got a novelisation by Twitter 'comedian' Mike Drucker. We've got skate decks and body pillows and more heaps of plastic garbage for video game 'collectors' to shove on a dusty shelf next to their four colour variants of Jay and Silent Bob Mall Brawl on NES, cum-encrusted Shantae statue, and countless other bits of mass-produced waste that belongs in a landfill. Utterly shameful how we engage with the past.

Bonus Definitive Edition content:
Limited Run Games is genuinely one of the most poorly managed companies on earth and I will never forgive them for giving me a PS5 copy of Cthulhu Saves Christmas instead of what I had actually ordered, a System Shock boxart poster. They also keep sending me extra copies of Jeremy Parish's books. Please, I do not need three copies of Virtual Boy Works.

Do you love cats? Do you want to “collect” them virtually without the added worry of virtual pet care? Then Neko Atsume is the mobile game for you!
Most have heard of this iconic game already - in fact, it turns nine years old this year. But I think it’s definitely still worth paying attention to, even today. For starters, I prefer mobile games that are completely casual and not too time consuming, given that I can become far too invested in them otherwise. Neko Atsume strikes the perfect balance of keeping your interest and respecting your time.
The gameplay here revolves around filling up food bowls to attract kitties to your yard. There are a few different foods available for purchase, having better attraction powers the more expensive they are. And once you put the food out, you must leave the app to wait real-time for your visitors to show up! You can then snap pictures of them to keep in their individual photo albums. Once one leaves, they’ll give you a gift of in-game currency.
More interesting than the food in the shop are the furniture selections, the main thing you’ll need to save up for. There are all kinds of beds, toys, scratchers, and other goodies to buy and place in your yard. You’re then rewarded for their purchase by getting to watch and photograph your kitties using them during their visits! Something to keep in mind is that only certain kitties will interact with certain objects.
There are over 60 cats to “collect” - including rare ones that only show up under certain circumstances. There’s also a ‘catbook’ that keeps track of who you’ve already discovered, with their page becoming fully available once you spot them yourself during a visit. Aside from being able to rename them here, there are stats for their personality, power level, coat color, number of visits, and the top three goodies they’ve used. You can also set each cat’s profile picture to anything from their personal photo album!
Every cat also has a unique memento which they’ll eventually present to the player! These are earned by feeding them enough to become good friends, after which the item will be displayed on that kitty’s profile. It’s an extremely simple - almost rudimentary - collecting mechanic, yet it matches perfectly with the casual style of Neko Atsume as a whole. There’s just a bit more flavor to the gameplay because of them, giving you one more reason to stick with the loop for longer.
However, while the casual approach is well-suited for this type of app, the big downside is that it will eventually become dull. The relaxed nature and immediate gratification of adorable kitties make it super easy to come back to - but you’ll probably fall out of doing so eventually, because there’s just not much to actually do. Don’t get me wrong, I love having something as peaceful as Neko Atsume available at any time, especially when I need a pick-me-up. Yet I can’t deny that the game would’ve been even better if there was at least a petting mechanic (this was rectified in the VR version, at least.)
Despite having flawed gameplay, Neko Atsume still stands out from many other mobile games; and a big reason for that is its wonderful visual presentation. The cartoony style may seem simple at first glance, but it’s genuinely charming and perfectly executed. I especially love the bold colors and thick lineart.
Of course, the best part is easily the kitties themselves! Each one is unique in appearance, with all sorts of natural coat colors (white, brown, black, gray, or orange) and patterns (solid, striped, spotted, or a mix of the latter two.) My personal favorite is Peaches, who possesses a yellow-ish coat with light brown spots - one of which on their side resembles a heart!
Contrary to the others, the rare kitties are a bit more outlandish, usually possessing a silly costume or some otherwise unique trait. The most famous character from the entire game is easily Tubbs, a rare cat who’s much larger and fatter than the others; he shows up and eats your entire food bowl before leaving a huge tip. Another example would be Guy Furry, a black and gray feline dressed in a chef’s clothes and hat.
The kitties aren’t the only amazing thing about the art, though! Another element that I really love are the many interactions that the kitties have with their furniture and toys. There are a variety of poses and simple animations, sometimes multiple for a single item; a cat could be laying in their bed either curled up and fast asleep, or awake with their head up and alert. This is why purchasing new goodies is so rewarding (aside from the innate satisfaction of decorating), because you’re always excited to see how the cats use them. Rare cats even have unique interactions, like Guy Furry, who can make pizza on top of an oven or a sundae in a vase!
The sound design isn’t quite as noteworthy or fleshed out as the visual side of Neko Atsume, yet what’s there still manages to be effective. Even though there’s only one background song, it's very cute and catchy; the leading instruments in it are a keyboard and xylophone. Meanwhile, UI selections make satisfying ‘pop’ and ‘click’ noises, with a few ‘meow’s for good measure.
In conclusion, despite not being flawless, I think Neko Atsume still holds up even nine years later. It’s a great casual mobile game with lots of cute cats and furniture selections (plus no ads!) You may not stick with it forever, but it’ll likely keep you entertained for a good long while - and it’s effortless to jump back in whenever you’re ready to. I highly recommend Neko Atsume, especially to fellow cat lovers!



Visuals: 5/5
Sound: 3.5/5
Gameplay: 3/5
Worldbuilding: 4/5
Replayability: 3.5/5
Overall Game Score: 4/5 [3.8/5]

Out of all the games to write a serious honest review on the quality of something as a video game... Plumbers Don't Wear Ties sounds like one of the funny ones to do.

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties is a game most known today from the AVGN reviews. It's weird, it makes no sense, it's loud, there's nudity; it's easy to remember its infamy. It's one of the earlier examples of what we would call a visual novel today... and even that is a stretch because I counted I think a total of 3 decisions in total that me, the player, could make.

Yes, it's weird. Yes, it tried something different. No, that doesn't mean it's remotely good. The game was clearly made to be a cheeky adult comedy game, but the game is infinitely more boring than it is humorous. Actually, I would argue it's literally anything else more than it is funny. Infuriating? Depressing? Ugly? They all work. I'm genuinely convinced that this was made by and for a porn company trying to tap into a different media market. They clearly didn't take making this game very seriously, allowing a small argument that it's self aware, but a bad game is a bad game. Even if it's self aware it's stupidly bad, that doesn't take away the fact that it's stupidly bad.

I give it the lowest score I can possibly think of, which to me is reserved best for games that have me sad someone had to waste money to discover how terrible/unplayable something turns out to be.

On Friday, January 5th, I got a ping in a discord server consisted of one friend group about an impromptu Fortnite get-together. Since I admittedly regained an interest in playing it, and because said friend server has yet to really do much for several months, I decided to take the opportunity to see how the game has transformed and evolved over the years. Installed the dreaded EGS launcher, got marginally but not totally surprised by the increased file size, and proceeded to log back into my account from years prior. After all, it's only gonna be just for a few days, and then I’m off to uninstall it...

...but things didn't pan out that way. What has happened instead, was a transformation into becoming an Epic Fortnite Gamer. A near 3-week foray, money spent on the Battle Pass and both Gambit and Rouge skins, and grinding my way towards unlocking Peter Griffin's page, all while accumulating levels, Ranked medals, and other knick-knacks along the way. Life really does come at ya fast when you least expect it!

To go more in-depth into my prior experience: I'm very much someone who first played Fornite's at-the-time new Battle Royale format, played a couple of matches - both with my completely separate and no longer in touch friend group and solo - and thought it was kinda neat but really lacking in staying power. I'm uncertain if I was also one of many that thought it was simply gonna be a fad that'll fade away, since this was nearly 7 years ago now, but it matters naught since it's still here, and about as popular as it was since then. There's no need to cover much of what it's about, cause even if you never played it, you certainly know of it and the appeal, so I'm just gonna make this a thorough dumping ground of my thoughts as someone who finally came back to the bus.

Firstly, and more importantly, I'm glad that Zero Build is a mode that can be opted into. Now, I'm not besmirching the mechanic in its holistic entity, but I will admit one of the reasons I fell off pretty quickly originally was because of the gap between people who can build (especially PC players), and people who can't (especially console players). You can be a quickshot all you want, but as long as the other guy can spontaneously build a Jenga tower or a Minecraft fortress to recuperate quickly, your choices are to either eat shit, continue to pester them, or just give up and bolt out entirely. These types of encounters, to me, are fine in doses - the risk-reward allure is just balanced enough that it isn't entirely irritating, and the satisfaction method is incredible! That, however, begins to dissolve into ruin when it occurs ad nauseum, tying itself into state of the loop, and altogether just demotivates my ass since the most I can do is a stairway to heaven and maybe a few walls despite my flicks of the mouse and sensitivity zones. Even with the practice mentality, there's also the fact that, again, it's been 7 years - if you've played any sort of multiplayer shooter in mind, you'd know that there's a good chance that any sort of tech people know about, will inject and hone their craft to it to days on end, and I've seen plenty opponents do some shit that simultaneously leaves me fascinated and discontented. So, just having a mode where there's little frills to that, is appreciated, even if I do tap back into the regular option every now and then.

The other thing is that there's like... actual POIs and side activities now. I recall these being a thing in 2017, but it was a lot more minimalistic and very much in the vein of "we needed something to have players distract themselves and play the game with". Solid enough base, but combine that with the haphazard loop I had before, it again just made the dull grind even more prevalent. That nagging aspect is still present, but it's way easier to tolerate and avoid now. Vehicles, more movement options when doing on-foot roaming, an entourage group to pick off and reap rewards from to better your gamestate, and just the overall map layout is way, way more satisfying to convey and poke around than ever, even if I'm not entirely sure how prior seasons were like. Hell, this also obfuscates the other big critique that was going on at the time, which was how spacious people could become. Rarely has the thought of "man this is kinda boring" occur now since everything feels more fulfilling to explore and do, especially using grapple blades atop various points and just ZOOOOOOOOMING to where I need to go, or just ramming bogeys and guffawing at how high they get launched, or doing dopey motorbike tricks across hilltops. It's neat! It's exciting! It just about upends most of the issues I had to begin with!

I really don't have much else to like, add at this point, aside from some qualms:

- The bots here are on the opposite spectrum end of TF2's Bot Crisis; instead of being hammered down by some flagrant creations stopping any sort of enjoyment I can muster, there's more of an awe factor over how braindead they can be. I'm not quite sure how the system itself operates, but while I know and understand they're a necessity to fill up empty spaces, that becomes highly questionable when I see these guys fuck up easy picks, do some bizarre pathfinding and routine interactions, and somehow overcompensate within a quarter at most of the 100-player pool. This is the least egregious of the three ire I'm covering, but even then it's just... confounding. Not sure what's going on here!

- Aside from BR, there's now Lego Fortnite, Rocket Racing, and Festival. I only used LF briefly cause of an XP exploit, but I did at least put actual time into RR and Festival, and I'm thoroughly unimpressed with both. The former's a really dull and barebones arcade racer that couldn't even compete with some of the more straightforward affairs during the 5th Console Gen Boom, and well, Cold_Comfort goes over the woes of Festival even if I'm not that harsh about it. One could say these can be ignored since the main aspect is BR, but since they're easily visible upon the main bar of the lobby, I feel like it's fair game to expect these to be in a commendable quality - especially since Epic Games have been making big talk about user-generated content and have seemingly been in a stronger push in competing with Roblox.

- Since this is an ongoing season, solidifying and boxing the current meta state is tricky. What I can say for now though is that, with the feel of everything being good on a base level, there's a clear power imbalance. There's absolutely no reason to pick up the Hammer Pump variant of the shotgun, since Frenzy Auto has a strictly higher DPS and can easily mulch people by comparison; same goes for the Enforcer AR, being pitifully outclassed in speed and output by the Nemesis and especially Striker variants; I don't have any major beef with the Lock-On Pistol, due to its four-charge shots contains a slight buffer between each piece + all while leaving the player vulnerable should they be careless (especially to someone who Knows What They're Doing)... but the availability of this is perplexes me. I've gone entire games without either my downed foes or myself finding it, meanwhile I can simply trip across Ballistic Shields, a weapon that sounds about as good as it does while also not being nearly as OP as it sounds or others postulate, despite that being in a higher rarity color. Weird little quirks like that making the fights distinct but also just sort of headscratching as to where they could go. Also, maybe an Issue Of Skill, but I’ve seen instances of a bullet from my sniper shots clearly hitting its mark, but then somehow never registering?

I actually can’t recall the last time a multiplayer game had its pull on me quite like this, perhaps Among Us which had faced similar views. May keep this on for the time being until I actually do procure the Griffin or maybe Solid Snake since he’s close to being unleashed upon the world. I’m not sure where and how this chapter will go next, but if nothing else, it at least pulled me back in after years of inquisitive glances and intrigue. It is also carrying one of the most important mantles of any piece of fiction: having multiple patient zeros that will cajole someone into becoming a furry. Truly, this is a blessed time!

Lobotomy-core.
A frankenstein's parody has been birthed from excessive market research. Pure and utter slob, the gunk is thrown wayside to the masses and the public seem to love it! Sure, I can see shimmers of gusto and vibes past it's mechanically stapled together body, but is it really worth to sit next to the soulless stank just to breathe in those few and far-between moments of joy?
I feel for the paranoid hostility players have shown of the maybe or maybe-not generative AI, but it just seems like the devs just ripped them off by hand and lol.
7 million copies sold in just 5 days... and in the end, the general masses really do only care about a feature-checklist stapled on a clipboard that reads the following: It shall have combat, survival mechanics, resources, base-building mechanics, crafting mechanics, catching mechanics, climbing mechanics, stamina, an open world, co-op multiplayer, skill trees, leveling and progression. Does it work well together? Absolutely not. In the end, it feels like you are just playing 5 ripped-off games melted together into one hotpot of mechanics and rules and nothing more. No identity, no message, nothing. A silent shell that just spits out the steam chart trends back at you.
How is anyone supposed to feel but indifferent to a game that says nothing and dares nothing?

Hellishly mesmerizing, like peering through a microscope into a pulsating, "glow-in-the-dark" party for bugs. Psychedelic, kinetic and exhilarating through and through. Akin to Thumper and Post Void with it's antagonizing vibes and visual obstruction used as difficulty. Gotta be honest, Barely know what the hell is going on 80% of the time. A layer of esoteric rules and game design that leave me confused; like, when do I actually die? Does my health regenerate? What exactly do the power-ups do?
Highly recommend to not listen to the lies and deceits (recommended to play with gamepad) and just play with keyboard and mouse. Felt like my brain split into two while with a gamepad and I genuinely started to get headaches after 20 minutes. Worth it doe, these shapes and colors be POPPIN!!!

There is just nothing quite like Dead Rising 1. I have a review of this game from the last time I played it, but I don't think I really gave it the justice that it deserved back then. I was too busy trying to be a funny lil comedian, rather than being critical, and having finished it again recently, there is just so much that was left on the floor. I love this game a lot and I won't waver my 5 stars, but bear in mind that while you can be really passionate about something, that doesn't mean you should just ignore the criticisms it may have. It's not a perfect game by any means, and there are things in it that make me uncomfortable. But, I still enjoy the heck out of it all the same and it's a piece of media that I've been wanting to see brought back from the dead (hehe) for a long, long time.

Before the combo weapons, before the bloated map layouts, before all the horrible engine changes, before all the bullshit, this was peak as it is. I have played the other games in the series, minus 4. I've been putting off Dead Rising 4 for as much as I possibly could, but I have a hilarious friend who gifted it to me for Christmas and now it plagues my Steam Library like a nasty tumour. I would have honestly been more excited had he sent me a gift wrapped pipe bomb instead. I’ve agreed to finally sit down and play it, knowing that it was technically free, but I know that I will not like it. I despise Dead Rising 3 and Off the Record is a broken trash pile of flaming garbage. Dead Rising 2 is fun for what it is, and has come to be a game that I've mastered, but it's just not.. the same, ya know? It always lacked the simplicity of Dead Rising's original design while somehow being much easier in comparison at the same time. It’s the game where the cracks begin to form in what eventually lead to this series spiraling out of control and then mercifully euthanized at the vet when the time came.

I’ve always felt that the original baked-in concept of Dead Rising has been its shining star that speaks for itself. View it in the lens of it being an exploration game, before looking at it as a zombie game and you’ll see what I mean. The layout of Willamette’s mall is so tightly succinct, so perfectly sized with little gems sprinkled throughout in some of the weirdest places. The mall has just about everything you’d need, and then some. While smaller in size, it’s still comically filled to the brim with areas like a full-on supermarket, rollercoaster, totally not Home Depot, and a doomsday prepper’s wet dream of a gun store added into the mix just for funsies. There’s spots of infinite weapons or food to go back to when needed and secret items to find for the most devilishly explorative players. It’s so early 2000’s, arcade, before the Internet ruined everything fun. There was nothing quite like finding an SMG in a tree outside on accident, even today. I still find a random food item in a place I’ve never thoroughly looked over before. They’re so meticulously placed, without it being incredibly obvious. It’s everything that the modern open-world games of today are so desperately trying to capture, with many failing.

Uh oh, but- but- the whole damn place is packed to the brim with zombies like sardines in a tin can!! Those are only obstacles, my dear friend. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and grab that 2x4 piece of wood on the ground right next to you. You want to fill your entire inventory with the super OP shotguns that melt the psychopaths? Get to crowd surfing, bitch. You can use just about anything interactable to kill and slice your way from point A to point B. Not a weird combo weapon, or a hero’s sword specific to Frank, but the very definition of what you would call a Television. Anything, really, that’s allowed at the very least. Handbags, toys, sledgehammers, chainsaws, shelves, pipes, benches, bikes, etc., etc., etc. If the game allows you to pick it up, you can use it as a weapon. A real testament of your ability to explore, and make use of what’s around you. Your weapons break? Well, you’re standing next to a potted plant. Or use your fists even. BOTW Link would get suplexed so hard by Frank West, it’s not even funny. There are super powerful rewards in this game, but they come at a cost, which I love. The gun store is inaccessible until you kill the boss standing in it, so on and so forth. Adam’s Chainsaw’s trivialize the hell out of the game, but you can’t get them until he’s been killed, etc. The strongest weapons in the game are locked behind achievements and a daunting Infinity Mode unlocked after finishing the game once. Which is something that I feel the later game’s combo weapons are completely lacking. If you want to blast through the game with a gun that one shots everything, then you should have to work for it. It’s a greater reward to fuck around with once you’ve beaten the game and survived it’s challenges. There is still to this day, nothing quite like this item system in my opinion. You can compare it to BOTW or Dead Island, maybe, but it’s a silly system that flourishes in the mall setting and adds to the desperate feeling of using whatever you need to survive in the moment. It’s always been goofy as hell, and it’s always known what it is.

I’m sure that there’s people out there that would love to leave the walls of the mall, but in my opinion, it’s not needed. The later games try to explore this by making the maps much larger and expansive, at the cost of the player having fun. Not here. The opening prologue gives you a brief glimpse of the chaos outside through Frank’s unique photo mechanics, and you can clearly see that shit out there is bleak. In the first five minutes of the game, you’re fed everything you need to know through the lens of Frank’s camera, quickly loading up on PP bonuses before the game even begins. Pure interactive kino. It's a quick whirlwind of cramming what your goal is and that’s the point. Frank West is a no nonsense motherfucker. He’s a snippy man and has zero time for drama and hysterics. We got places to be and a story to report, people. It’s part of his charm, with brief moments of humanity sprinkled in. He’s not a complete unempathetic monster, but you’ll soon relate to his need for speed when you’re hauling 7 survivors back to the security room at once. I think he would benefit from a bit of fleshing out, of course. The later games seem to turn him into a completely uncaring asshole for pure comedic purposes and it kind of sucks to see. He’s annoying as shit now and it’s such a shame, honestly. The same Frank West that stayed with Brad and Carlito during their critical moments, is just reduced to a fat joke now. Haha!! So funny. Put this man in a dress, and he’ll be feeling himself ten fold. Put Chuck or Nick in a dress, and they whine to the player about it. Frank will always be superior.

Now let’s get to the contentious shit that people hate. The Survivors. Basically the other half of the game, cohabitating with the game’s plot. I see why people hate them, and you’re valid, but I gotta put my foot down and say that the survivors are a staple of Dead Rising. The survivors are what makes Dead Rising. You don’t have to like it, but without them, this game would be a jar of piss. The time mechanics are what separates this game from any other schlocky zombie kill simulator that its counterparts are already happily doing. Sure, you can go on a day binge of killing the zombies if that’s your underwear fit, but without hunting for survivors and killing the bosses, you’ll be seriously lacking in level ups, which means lacking in skill upgrades and health. I find the survivors in this game to be quite a cool collectible mechanic. They’re living experience rewards that require escorts from where they’re found to the Security room, and it adds an extra layer of charm to the game. While none of them are really.. characters.. per se, you can see that a large swathe of them were designed with some intent. Some are more aggressive than others, some are more cowardly, others are tied behind boss fights, etc. Some are easier to escort than others. They’re a challenge that is meant to be difficult and meant to be trial-and-error. A person expecting to find every single survivor in their first playthrough without a guide, is just asking too much for something that should be explored casually first. There are some survivors that are hidden, and others that may become the bane of your existence, but that does not eliminate their uniqueness nonetheless. The game allows you a NG+ with everything you’ve already achieved for a reason, it is not the end of the world to miss a few survivors on your first playthrough. The time mechanics have a stress factor that some may not like, but I’ve always appreciated how it made for something to do the whole game and challenges you to seek out areas of the mall you probably don’t walk through often. It’s a completely manageable mechanic for those willing to best it, and I feel only gets hampered down due to the game’s poor AI systems more than anything else. Where I think the mechanic falters is near the end game, as once you’ve rescued Simone there is just simply nothing to do for hours in-game. I think Day 2’s morning is the most stressful part of the game, while Day 3 is the weakest, with the least to do.

Now about those tricky AI systems, a criticism unable to be ignored. I love this game to death, but this is the part of the game that I think most people remember, no matter how they feel about the game overall. The survivors have what we would call… um.. Stupid Disease? At least, from a first glance that’s how it looks. Sure they walk into walls and can’t climb the simplest structures, or tend to let zombies eat their ass sideways until they die when you look away for a little too long, and that is of course frustrating. But, they were programmed with some thought that I just think wasn’t executed well. They all have a personality and act accordingly to it. Survivors like Aaron Swoop are pants pisser babies who will drop to their knees and crawl when surrounded. On the flipside, Tonya Waters is ride or die for her man and will act as a hero if you give her a weapon. Survivors will completely stop in their tracks if they witness you or their friend getting grabbed in front of them. They’re batshit terrified the whole time, so it makes sense, but that’s where the trouble begins because as soon as one of those dummies stops moving, it’s chaos from there. It is an experience that used to frustrate me to no end, but I am living in Nirvana now. I want to examine these survivors, to their finer details. I want to know why they’re so stupid. I want to peer into the binary code that makes them live. Had they been a bit smarter, or useful, this game would have fared so much better. It’s definitely the survivor AI and lack of auto-save that makes people tilt the most in this game. A speedrunner’s advice for those that may want it: the zombie spawn is affected by radius in correlation with Frank’s location. If you walk far enough away, the zombies on the outside of that radius will not appear, making escorting large areas a lot easier as survivors can stroll for a long time without getting grabbed. If you’re having a hard time, try this out, although I think having a hard time is part of the fun of it being a challenge.

I have yet to mention the story, but that’s kind of because the story is rather mediocre. It’s campy and satirizes a lot of zombie media in a really hammy way. It’s by far not a 5-star fine dining experience, but more like McDonalds brought home from your parents when you least expect it. It’s just a goofy time, not meant to really be taken super seriously nor does it have really that much to say about what it tries to politicize in its twists. There are things that could be made a lot clearer, such as the demise of an important character near the end game, as well as having a rather lackluster open-ended ending that can leave you with more questions than answers. It’s a fun time that swerves and curves while you play it, but the story isn’t why people play these games anyways. It’s the gameplay that makes this game so beloved by the people who cradle it like a baby. Like me.

Aside from all that there are item upgrades I never mentioned, that you of course have to find as they function through the use of holding magazines. There are blenders that exist to mix drinks with temporary stat boosting effects. The camera can be used for other collectibles and small morsels of PP here and there. As well as having an active role in one of the boss sub plots, but here’s where a personal criticism of mine comes from as well. I hate to do this but-but- I’m a.. a gulp- girl gamer, and I have to admit that the added interactivity of being able to take creepy ass photos of women and be rewarded for it with experience, as well as a nosebleed accompanying it, is not really my favorite thing to do in this game lmao. This game is very camp through and through and takes liberties of Isabela’s assets full front and center as they basically eat the cutscene camera, but those are honestly fine. I don’t dislike that aspect, but I can’t help but raise my eyebrow everytime I’m forced to get a good enough Erotica shot of Sophie’s undergarments just to fight Kent every playthrough, it’s just weird and nothing about Frank’s character gives the impression that he’d even agree to do that in the first place. Not to mention, if there’s a survivor like Kay Nelson in frame of the shot, you’ll get Erotica points on her crotch even when she’s not the focal point in the frame. Or getting Horror points for upskirting the older women, haha old lady gross!! farts.

The only one that works for me is Janet Star’s double Erotica shot for each of her gigantic boobs, because it’s so exaggerated and isn’t triggered by the player literally invading her privacy. That one admittedly gets a chuckle out of me, so it can be done in a way that works. But, I can’t help but think that this aspect of the game is kind of why Capcom doesn’t acknowledge that they made it in the first place, on top of the rest of the series being such ass poo poo water. If we ever get a remake of this game, don’t expect this part, or even Jo’s boss fight, to survive it. I’m not exactly sure how they’d go about making those changes, but I wouldn’t mind losing them personally. There is so much more that this game has to offer aside from the random lewdness anyways. L + ratio, girl gamer ruining my video games!!!

Speaking of, I think all of these criticisms and positives would benefit so hard from being remade. I mentioned it a bit in my last review, but just imagine how awesome it would be if everything in the game could truly be picked up. I feel as if there’s something on the shelf, I should be able to either grab it or put it on as an outfit. While the game gives so much to utilize, it also has a disappointing amount of objects that can’t be interacted with. I should be able to knock over objects, destroy book shelves, or even mess around with objects that are so neatly organized. The grocery store is so uncannily stocked to perfection, without any ability to move the objects around. Frank can infinitely take from areas that don’t visibly decrease in size, etc. It would just add so much to the feel, ya know? It would give so much more sauce than there already is. Just let me destroy everything in the area, then fix it when I come back. It would remove the weird barriers that exist in some boss fights like Jo or Steven’s where the display shelves actively get in the way of the two of you fighting. Cletus is by far the most dogshit boss in this game, with Sniper Carlito not far behind. They need to be bonked on the head with a magic fairy wand and changed so badly. Fix the AI on the survivors, give them a little more oomph, inject a little more life into their mini-stories and maybe even give them differing voice lines. Give Frank more modern shooting controls that allow him to walk and aim at the same time, etc. Either add or move around content into the later game that eliminates that boring part, and revamp the story to make the ending have more of an impact. It’s just an unfortunate case of what could be a great, fun time. The only thing that I don’t want them to change is the licensed music, probably the only time in my life I’ll defend the use of it. There is nothing more iconic than Gone Guru or Fly Routine as boss themes. And there is nothing funnier than seeing the sheer visceral panic a new player gets upon discovering the convicts for the first time while the initial “WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-” blasts in their headphones.

There is just nothing quite like Dead Rising 1. The choices Capcom made to abandon this series is just so baffling and sad to see in hindsight because it could have been so, so much better. It deserved more than to be tossed aside to a studio known for making baseball games. It’s one of the few games that Capcom doesn’t even acknowledge on their 40th anniversary site: https://captown.capcom.com/en either. I could go on all day about why I think this game is awesome despite its flaws, clearly, as I tried really hard here. But, since I’ll be playing the 4th installment soon, I figured I should go back to familiarity for a minute and just live in its bliss before I inevitably tear my own face off. Since Capcom is in their remake era anyways, it could still happen and I’m not going to make any demands of them, but a small part of me can’t help but have a millimeter sized glimmer of hope in the back of my brain for every game conference that Capcom announces they’ll be apart of. Recently, there has been a sign that there could be one cooking over there, but we’ll just have to wait and see. I would even take their own version of a reboot if it means more Dead Rising. This game will always be a game that I come back to and a remake would not replace it, but it sure does deserve so much better.

And yet he complained that his belly was not full.

when i'm not blatantly baiting i'm happy to let people have their opinions, but man, when are we going to stop equating "addictive" with "interesting game design"? someone of you roguelike fans should try pachinko machines, the addictive randomized endless gameplay will surely blow your minds and rocket to the top of your topsters

i should clarify: i have nothing against gambling games. i gambled away all of my money in yakuza. and this is barely a gambling game! my problem here is moreso with the current state of the indie roguelike being that every game is mashed with the same repetitive trendiest tricks to make le epic addictive gameplay and heralded as the newest masterpiece on the block. it ain't exciting. oh well. it's only a video game, at the end of the day