There are many ways that any product can be remembered over time, whether it be for a generally positive or negative reception, certain elements of said product that would go on to inspire many others later down the road, or maybe, even… the mistakes the producers could make. Mistakes have turned up often when it comes to video games (even more so nowadays, because this industry is a joke), and these mistakes can come in many different forms, such as something simple like a grammar mistake or a graphical bug, a glitch that hinders the gameplay from being as solid as it should be, or then there could be games like Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric or Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly, which are unforgivable mistakes that are disguised as games to be sold for a quick buck. Whether or not these mistakes can be seen as bad or not, they could be the only reason that a game remains relevant or memorable to this very day, which is the exact case for today’s subject, Zero Wing.

Just from looking at the gameplay, this seems like a game that is extremely unremarkable, one that wouldn’t be remembered whatsoever to this very day. However, the only reason why people still do remember at least a screenshot or two from the game would be based on an error made when it came to porting the game to consoles. Aside from that though, does the game itself deserve being remembered all the way to this very day? Honestly… not really. It is one of the most average space shooters that I have ever played, with the game still functioning as well as it should, but it brings nothing new to the table to justify its existence other then just being yet another space shooter in an era full of them.

The story is basically about destroying aliens, but there is some more detail, with them previously signing a peace treaty on Earth, only to then break it, so… I guess they get credit for trying(?), the graphics are good, but they are pretty unremarkable for the type of game that it is and when it came out, the music is, without a doubt, the best part of the game, having plenty of banger tracks to listen to while taking out all of the threats you will come across, the control is basic enough, being pretty much what you would expect from a space shooter, with one exception I will get to in a bit, and the gameplay is, again, the most average space shooter gameplay that you could possibly find, especially from this era.

The game is your typical space shooter, where you take control of… Trent (the best protagonist in video game history, clearly) in the ZIG fighter, take on a good number of challenging levels, shoot down as many enemies as you can in your path, gather plenty of powerups along the way, as well as upgrades to said powerups to increase their size, firing rate, and power, and take on plenty of imaginative, big bosses that will stop at nothing until you have run out of credits. Yeah, you have all heard this song and dance before, so you are probably wondering, “Does this game have anything original whatsoever?”, and the answer is yes, actually. Alongside your regular shots, you also have access to a Seizer Beam, a separate command that you can use to grab certain enemies and either use them as a shield or to throw them at other enemies, which can also apply to bombs that you can find throughout all the levels. Other then that though, that is really about it, and while it is cool to throw enemies at other enemies to take them out, this feeling of satisfaction wears off pretty quickly, say around the… 3rd or 4th time you do this.

So, why exactly was this game remembered so fondly years after it came out when it has nothing going on for it other then one little move? Well, the reason why that is (if you don’t know already) was because, when the game was ported to the Sega Genesis, there was an intro cutscene added that outlined the plot with animated visuals, paired alongside some lines of dialogue… and the translation for these lines of dialogue are HORRIBLE. Seriously, this may just be one of the most infamous examples of bad translations I have ever seen for a video game, and it is hilarious to read and see, especially when paired alongside the “serious” images and plot going on. Other then that though, there really is nothing going on with this game to make it stand out, other then the enemy and boss designs being pretty cool on occasion.

Alongside that are some issues plaguing the game that make it not that fun to play. First of all, the pace you move at is soooooooooooooo slooooooooooooow. Your regular movement speed is fine, and you can gather speed upgrades in order to make yourself go faster, but in terms of the scrolling, it is some of the slowest I have ever seen for a space shooter, making the game feel like it is going at a snail’s pace. The game itself isn’t that long at all, and the stages shouldn’t last you much more then five minutes a piece, but it can still drag on at times. Also, I’m not sure if this next issue is only with the arcade version, or it carries over to all versions, but it is a problem nonetheless. Whenever you take out certain enemies, the screen will flash red for a second when you kill them, and when you kill a bunch of enemies like this back to back, you can imagine how unpleasant it is to have a constant flashing red screen in your face. Needless to say, people who are prone to seizures shouldn’t play this, and this shouldn’t be a thing in the game whatsoever.

Overall, despite having a hilariously awful translation for the west, and having one or two things that make it stand out, Zero Wing is one of the most unremarkable games that I have ever played in recent memory. It basically does its job, leaves afterwards, and gives no lasting impact whatsoever other then one cutscene, which you can just watch on YouTube, so aside from that, it does nothing to excite or intrigue. That’s not usually a bad thing, but in this case, you have to have some kind of excitement to keep the player wanting to come back, and there is just none of that here. The only thing I would recommend you doing involving this game is just watching the opening cutscene of the Genesis port to have a good laugh. Seriously, if you somehow haven’t seen it already, go check it out. You won’t regret it.

Game #337

What an absolute slog. Incomprehensible amounts of dead air, a capture mechanic that's paper-thin (G-Darius would later nail it), and NOTHING in the way of genuinely fun action until the final two levels, when I had already long given up on seriously playing the game and was just pumping in credits absent-mindedly.

Even then, I couldn't finish it. It's too boring.

(the flyer art goes so fucking hard though)

All my bases do not belong to Zero Wing nor would they ever. As much as Zero Wing inspired memes through it's rough translation, it does little to inspire much else. The game just asks too much of a player, and doesn't give enough in return.

I don't think shoot'em ups really need that much context to get the ball rolling, and usually I don't mind an older game giving little context to it's story, but Zero Wing just pushes so many buttons that annoy me about it. The intro makes it seem like we are fighting a cyborg alien invasion, but the amount of weird looking aliens, obstacles, and fleshly features is just too inconsistent to really make you feel you're fighting an alien army. The music nearly all blends in together along with the stages that it's often hard to figure out which stage you're actually on unless you look at the menu on the top. The mechanics for shooting are both incredibly difficult, yet far too simplistic. There is clearly one really good power up with the green ability, and then the rest. While I'd like to say this Shmup is at least balanced enough to beat it with any weapon, that honestly just doesn't seem the case for the baseline weapon you get. I did beat this game with the other power ups, but if I died and wanted to continue on with my standard weapon I just couldn't hack it. More so, even beating the game isn't really the end as the game wants you to beat it a few more times to get it's true ending, but by the time those raisins came on, and did their dance routine I was done.

Zero Wing is just a mess. There are ideas here, there is interesting designs here, and there is some sort of story here, but to get anything out of it you have to invest far too much into it for far too little pay off. There are plenty of other shooters for you, more balanced, or visually interesting ones compared to this game. Sadly, anything worthwhile here is just buried far too deep or is far too messy to really have fun with it.

Surveying the other shooters of 1989—Gradius III, Darius, R-Type II, Gunhed/Blazing Lazers—Zero Wing feels like the most modern, or at least the most fun, as Toaplan team inches closer to inventing bullet hell. The number of enemies on screen are low, and so is the number of projectiles, but the patterns are smart and force you to weave through them the way you'll have to in CAVE's games. The game is really fun to play all the way through, and even has some interesting ideas besides being a good horizontal Toaplan game.

The biggest notable feature of Z-Wing is the "Seizer Beam" system, where you can pull enemies and hold them in front of your ship. They can be used as one-off shields, and they can also be flung at other enemies to do a lot of damage. You sometimes pick up power-ups that place a bomb in front of you like this and are used in the same way. The upgrade system isn't anything new—keep picking up the icons the color of what you're already using, while avoiding the other colors, and you'll become more powerful. I never really like this system, but it's easy enough to work around. You also usually have two options firing directly above and below you, which are invincible and can absorb enemy fire, a lot like the options in bullet hell games.

Also Boss 7 is just the first boss from R-Type with some extra bullshit. What was up with that?

I've considered changing a few words from my Clash at Demonhead review, submitting it, and calling it a day. Zero Wing, much like Demonhead, is a title whose memetic legacy is arguably more important than the game itself. You've seen All Your Base. We've all seen it. It's burned into each of our brains, residing in our minds and taking up valuable space better spent remembering literally anything else. I can no longer recall the name of my first pet, all that exists in place of that memory is "take off every zig." My existence is pitiable and putting me down could be considered a charity.

You have to understand, I played this game because I was in dire need of an exorcism. It had been well over a decade since the meme first entered into me, by this point Zero Wing had built up a mystic quality about it, one I had to desperately decode and expel. Would I walk away with a better understanding of the meme, a genuine appreciation for the game that spawned it, or would it destroy me? The answer is, of course, none of the above. I wasted my time.

Zero Wing is a very ho-hum shooter. Certainly not a bullet hell and as such a lot more approachable for people like me who aren't very skilled at shoot-em-ups but are drawn to them regardless of their skill level. It should then appeal to me that Zero Wing is fairly easy, but I actually find myself getting bored of it quickly. It's fine, I suppose. It plays well enough. It's just lacking in that kinetic energy even a lot of its contemporaries have in spades. It's like, yeah sure, I could be playing Zero Wing, or I could be playing R-Type III. 100% of the time I'm playing R-Type.

Literally nobody would talk about or remember this game today if not for that silly little video. Not because it's bad, but because it just doesn't do anything particularly special outside of having a poorly translated opening. I was really hoping that, at the very least, the game would perhaps contain more cutscenes with equally (though not as remembered) bizarre dialog, but it doesn't. It's been milked for all its worth, and if you've experienced the meme (which, again, we all have) then you've already absorbed anything of value from Zero Wing.

I am going to go dig a hole in my backyard now and I'm going to lay down in the hole and if anyone wants to shovel dirt on top of me while I'm in the hole... so be it.

You damn kids and your Undertale and your TikTok. Back in my day, when a video game became an Internet meme, it's because there was an awkward English localization in a completely obscure, unremarkable game I was never going to play. And as I walked uphill five miles in the snow to get to school, I thought saying "all your cards are belong to me" to my friends as we traded Digimon cards was hi-LAR-ious!

Alright alright, moving on, finally playing this game after knowing about it for about 20 years was quite a deflating "is that it?" experience. Turns out there's a reason the All Your Base meme is its only lasting legacy. If you've played anything in the side-scrolling shooter genre, then you've probably played a better game than Zero Wing is now. Most of the gameplay is weaving your fragile little ship through narrow corridors like the thread of a needle while you wait for the screen to scroll all the way to the right.

At least the soundtrack is a banger.

On sait tous pourquoi je l'ai complété.

"All your bases are belong to us".

Blague à part j'aime bien le fait qu'il y a plusieurs fins, et bon j'ai utilisé le replay de l'émulateur NSO, donc j'ai un peu triché mais c'est ma façon de profiter du jeu

captain_whatyousay.png

Didn't really care for it. The enemy capture system seems like it would be fun but all it's good for is making ad-hoc shields. There's nothing groundbreaking about this game nor does it execute the existing shmup formula in an outstanding way.

This is one of two side-scrollers Toaplan made (as opposed to top-down shooters, which make up the bulk of their output) - I prefer the other one, Hellfire, much better.

Arcade version, so no "All Your Base". Game reads as low-stakes Gradius, with two permanent Options giving you constant firepower. Most interesting thing is the power-up system: three different weapon types, collecting multiple of a given color pick-up powers the weapon à la Diddy Kong Racing, losing a life returns you to the base version of that weapon. That and the tractor beam - essentially turning an enemy into a shield or throwable projectile - are interesting ideas. But the game lacks confidence in its ability to do much with those ideas. You don't actually need to beat the bosses - survive long enough and the boss goes away. The game feels very arbitrary with unlimited continues, though it probably makes for an interesting growth cycle in limited play; get good enough to beat the game, then get good enough to beat the game by defeating the bosses.

"All your base" memes aside, this game's honestly not very well designed, with lots of cheapshot enemy patterns and reeeeeally slow scrolling. It's flat-out boring until the last few stages, where it's borderline impossible.

I've heard the arcade version has a steadier difficulty curve, starting harder but staying consistent 'til the end. Have yet to play it.

Shame too, 'cause this has Toaplan's best soundtrack by FAR, it's a fucking JAM. I heard the arcade version was designed by their new hires, which probably explains why the game's production value and composition is so high while the gameplay is so sorely lacking.