What is the difference between an AI's capricious torturer scenarios and the Old Testament?

Time is a closed circle, we use technology to dream up new ways to make our sins relevant through eternal damnation or simulation.

Not me though, I'm built different. I looked up the good ending in a walkthrough.

Finally checked out that Metroid Prime remake that everyone's been talking about and damn, what a bold move to whole hog genre swap it into a pinball game! ...what's that now? You're telling me everyone's been talking about a Metroid Prime remaster, not a remake? You mean this review doesn't even benefit from being topical??

Anyway, yeah, it's a retreading of Metroid Prime in the form of a pinball game. That's pretty much all there is to it. It's not really a good Metroid or a good pinball game, but it is a fascinating curio.

The most notable element of the game is its soundtrack: while every other table has background music that would be right at home in the Metroid Prime series proper (like the Tallon Overwold table for example), the Pirate Frigate table has the most out-of-place buttrock Brinstar remix with squealing guitars and girthy bass aplenty. It's even wilder on real hardware - you don't need that Rumble Pak, the reverb from the absurdly mixed snare drum hits gotchu covered baby.

And if it that Brinstar remix sounds a bit familiar, it's because it's the wackass "SAMUS IS UNDER FIRE" song from Brawl. I went 16+ years thinking that remix was a fever dream cooked up custom for Smash Bros. but nah, that's from a goddamn pinball spinoff.

Mechanically for a game on the 2600 this kicks ass, you could have released this on NES with a mild graphical/control facelift and it would have fit in. It's an action platformer with 20 levels to go through of increasing length and complexity. You have an inspector-gadget-ass helicopter helmet that you can use to fly around levels, a laser cannon to destroy enemies, and bombs that you can place to break walls, and there's a power meter that serves as a level timer. My only gripes come from the controls and the level design; I had to pretty much immediately switch to a mega drive controller instead of a 2600 joystick because its really easy to misinput down on the stick and drop a bomb that kills you instantly (i need to buy some new atari controllers ngl...). The way you hover and fly is really weird too in that you have to hold up for like a whole half second before you start flying, and tapping up holds you in place for like a half second if you are falling. Considering the fact that roderick hero over here has a rather swift movement and falling speed, the delay between flying and falling can and will absolutely fuck you up at points. I wish they went for a more like lunar-lander style of physics and momentum system with flight instead of the 3 phases of flying, hovering, and falling that you can slugglishly toggle between. The level designer is also an asshole starting from like level 7 onwards, with levels that know exactly the limitations of your moveset and will capitalize on your weaknesses in a very dirty way. You can't shoot things below you, so there are lots of holes with enemies under them that work as dead ends in a sort. There are also enemies placed precisely where you'd go if you need to charge up your flying ability, and so many holes where your high fall speed will launch you into a block of lava before you can even register what is going on. It's difficult, but in the way of just needing to memorize the whole level layouts to mitigate any of the designers nonsense. The point threshold to become part of the Order of the H.E.R.O. is honestly pretty low at only 75k, which on a decent run you'd get that much by level 13. Honestly pretty crazy to see a game of such solid quality right in the dark year of 1984 between the big Atari Shock and the release of the NES. Makes ya wonder what other games could have existed to expand upon early 80's hardware if everyone didn't panic pull out from the market then.

My biggest white whale of games that I couldn't beat as a kid that I'm straight-up abandoning this time because while I'm able to cruise through it now as an adult it's boring as FUCK, gameplay wise. I'm actually stopping at the exact same spot I was stuck at all those years ago with collecting a total of 35 monkeys to progress. I stopped at this place back then because I was terrible at video games, though I did very much like the game. I'm stopping at it today because I'm not backtracking to dig around for a bunch of popcorn containers or whatever in order to get more monkeys. If this wasn't so tedious to play I definitely would go out of my way to do that. Watched the rest of it on YouTube and to my actual surprise all I had left with the game is another running section and a stupid easy boss fight. Since first playing this game 20 years ago and getting stuck I definitely thought there was A LOT more beyond where I left off but no this is actually like a four hour game which I'm thankful for because I was getting really tired of it at this point and for it to end where it ends instead of continuing to drag out the same basic missions for another level or two is a plus, I guess. Glad to know I actually got through 90% of it as a kid. Not a good game but very good vibes from the Looney Tunes gang. The game really gets them right so of course it's very funny which helped make all the terrible gameplay tolerable and because of that I'll spare this one.