186 Reviews liked by EdenIsNotHere

I feel bad that my first experience with modern 2D Kirby was Star Allies. While that game has its moments, it totally pales in comparison to this. First of all, running at a consistent 60 does wonders for bosses in these games, and second of all, there's actual level design. Levels aren't just a series of hills and enemies, there's shit to do! I really felt like I finally got a good grip on how to play these games, and I understand why the majority of Kirby fans nowadays are so content with where the series has been going.
Also, the bonus Magolor Epilogue is nothing to sleep on. The way the levels in that mode are based on maintaining a combo may seem odd at first, but as you unlock more of Magolor's moveset it all comes into place. Each development feels fun and substantial, and every level feels extremely well tuned to compliment the combo-based system.
This game in general does a really good job of encouraging mastery by giving you lots of little opportunities to hone skills with moves and copy abilities. Little sections in levels are all about understanding certain abilities and what they can do, and the challenge levels in Magolor's ship are all about understanding the little nuances of abilities you may not have recognized before. It's no wonder this became the Kirby formula back when this came out on the Wii, it's all done just right.
Even the side mode Merry Magoland, a collection of really solid mini-games, has this aspect of encouraging mastery through its achievement list for every mini game, as well as the super-satisfying stamp rally system. This is just an incredibly solid package, and as someone who hadn't played the original I was constantly delighted.

Having to be in a world with other people really is a horrifying thing. Sometimes things get so bad I wonder why we even bother trying to communicate with each other. It seems inevitable that we mess something up, say too much or too little, hurt people in ways we could never fathom. No amount of verbal or non-verbal communication could capture the ideas we truly believe in, it could never convey the nuances of our thoughts and perceptions, the principles we carry that guide our every decision. Wouldn't it be better if we all knew exactly what was going on in each other's minds? It sounds like a horrifying idea, but would it really cause more trouble than we already create? A network of people constantly connected, every detail of your life being taken in by anyone willing to join that network. Then you would see every version of yourself that exists in different people's minds. Wouldn't that be a relief? Or maybe it would drive you mad. Either way, why not give it a shot?
This game came out 2 months after the final episode of Serial Experiments Lain. Fans went into this expecting answers and got more than they would ever want to know.

this game just starts and says "good luck fucko" and sends you into the fastest shmup youve ever played.
youre basically required to stay at the top of the screen and get risky, because otherwise you just get swarmed with enemies you cant break through.
Music genuinely goes insane, crazy fucking famicom rave music that makes me wanna do that lain dancing gif irl
I'm not photosensitive so the flickering didnt bother me but I'd definitely want to see it remade/remastered with the flickering remove so that more people can play it

For consoles this is fine, albeit overpriced and bullshit DLC.
For PC though? Why the fuck does it have Denuvo god forbid people pirate these 30 year old Genesis games that have been ported to literally everything imaginable. Maybe you should've made these the best versions of the game which you clearly didn't. How the fuck does Sonic miss even the easiest of Ws

What a wild set of games here. The Return of Ishtar is its own beast that I should give a chance someday but for now I just like jumping in and being overwhelmed. Same with The Genji and the Heiki Clans, going in without a decent guide is very scary but also cool. Assault is a genuinely neat tank game I had no idea about before playing this, Pac-Land is fun until it isn't, and Ordyne I kind of don't care about but it's also cool. Aesthetic-wise, this one really feels like it goes all out with the unique environments for each game, even if it's still mostly the same presentation. Also, I swear I keep discovering new little things in this series, like how you can strafe with the shoulder buttons? Pac-Man even does a goofy-ass animation for it. You can also turn the robot secretary into a human woman? It's scary, so I'm probably not gonna do that again.

It’s a common joke that Samus Aran never hunts bounties. She’s always either stumbling into heroics for free by accident or hired for, essentially, mercenary work by Da Army. The only game where Samus’ work could I think be conceivably considered actual Bounty Hunting is Metroid II: Return of Samus. She’s given her hit list and she trudges down into the depths to do her job.
And what we get out of it is arguably the most ambitious Metroid game to date, clearly pushing the limits of its hardware in terms of delivering a gameplay experience that, similar to its predecessor with the NES, is just clearly beyond the ken of the Gameboy but also accidentally in terms of themes and mood. It’s not a secret that Metroid 2 has gotten the coolguy art gamer reevaluation over the years as a secret death of the author gem but that doesn’t make it work any less well as one.
Samus takes up a huge chunk of the screen. You can barely see where you’re going. You can barely remember where you’ve been. The world isn’t hostile, necessarily; how could it be hostile when you dominate it so powerfully from the very beginning? Samus is untouchable – more agile and powerful than anything she’ll face from the first second to the last as she trudges down, down, ever downward, through endless twisting corridors as she practices the tedious chore of genocide. She only becomes more durable and more powerful as her targets become fewer and more vulnerable to her weaponry.
No, the only resistance is from the world’s indifference, its ambivalence to Samus and her violence, and even then only in the few places where she cannot enforce herself upon it. The only dangers on SR388 are momentary environmental hazards, getting frustrated by disorientation, being frightened by surprise or by unknown sounds. But never by anything remotely similar to what Samus herself brings to the Metroids, to the other fauna she might encounter.
Atmosphere is king in Metroid, and narrative – explicit and implicit – is rarely given much heft in these games, especially early in the series. It’s hard to imagine that Samus, given what we know of her (with her military background, her most frequent contractor being the Federation marines, literally spending all her time with one of her hands replaced with a gun) has spent a lot of time considering the morality of her place in the galactic landscape. She probably doesn’t have to think much about it, since she mostly seems to fight, like, animals and the Space Pirates who do seem like assholes (I don’t have time to go into the absolutely batshit colonialism allegories happening in Prime 2 but that game is a weird can of worms). So I really have to wonder what’s going through her head when she’s struck by the burst of compassion that leads her to spare the last metroid. What’s she thinking about as she makes that long ascent back to the surface with a little buddy who doesn’t know that its mom just butchered its race. Does she think she’s done a kindness? Is she considering the enormity of the act she’s just failed to complete? Are these things she thinks about at all?
I don’t know. Metroid 2 is a masterpiece.

no dude trust me its fun when you download the peepeepoopoo mod and like 30 others bro trust me its not the games fault its boring its your fault

A good amount of this game is bullshit and needlessly difficult, but there are moments of genuinely fun dungeon exploring and 2D combat that shine among all the bad. Not to mention the soundtrack is full of all bangers. I honestly do think I would enjoy this game more on a replay, it has a lot going for it so it's too bad that it has a lot of elements that rightly turn off most players. Navigating the overworld is a pain, where to go next can be needlessly cryptic, dungeons not having a map is bad, and some enemies and their placement feel truly inscrutable in terms of how to fight them unscathed. But I had moments of genuine fun here throughout the whole time. At the same time, what this game did has already been done much better by several different games throughout the years since, so I wouldn't say people HAVE to play this game, but if you've played every other mainline Zelda game I would say it's worth checking out.

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