Mad Verse City and Patently Stupid carry tbh
Fuckin Tee K.O. man
I danced in the game and Spider-Man danced on screen. VR technology is the future.
2005
Damn, this video game adaptation of The Ring (2002) + The Grudge (2004) is pretty sick!
F.E.A.R. is a game that has slipped my attention many years despite me knowing of its existence, but playing it has given me one of the most fun and satisfying experiences I've had with a FPS on a purely mechanical level. It can't be overstated how much effort was spent polishing environmental details along with the enemy AI, which runs circles around many games today to a terrifying degree. The "bullet time" mechanic meant to improve your reflexes by slowing down in-game time rewards a level of hyper aggression that makes fights fast and exciting and gives all weapons a chance to shine. I'm used to shotguns being outclassed on higher difficulties since getting up close and personal with enemies is usually a death sentence that will have you instantly sniped (cough HALO 2 cough), but I played on the second highest difficulty and this shotgun FUCKS HARD AND DIRTY! A.I. is great at navigating the labyrinthian hallways and deploys solid tactics when trying to bring you down. I almost couldn't imagine the difficulty without the ability to slow down time.
What also really impresses me is that it takes the two seemingly contradictory sensations, that of being in a kickass power-fantasy and the vulnerability of being hunted down by an unknown being, and perfectly incorporates the two. It's easy to get caught up ragdolling and drop-kicking dozens of enemies in the moment, but when everything quiets down and you're left wandering the lonely industrial facilities, this game pulls some creepy shit. It blurs the line between hallucinations and paranormal anomalies so well that you'll question whether that shadow you saw from the corner of your eye was something you should be concerned about or not.
TLDR; Adrenaline "Point" Man vs Psychic was a kick-ass dynamic and I have no idea why an atmospheric horror game has such dynamic combat. But it's entirely welcome :)
F.E.A.R. is a game that has slipped my attention many years despite me knowing of its existence, but playing it has given me one of the most fun and satisfying experiences I've had with a FPS on a purely mechanical level. It can't be overstated how much effort was spent polishing environmental details along with the enemy AI, which runs circles around many games today to a terrifying degree. The "bullet time" mechanic meant to improve your reflexes by slowing down in-game time rewards a level of hyper aggression that makes fights fast and exciting and gives all weapons a chance to shine. I'm used to shotguns being outclassed on higher difficulties since getting up close and personal with enemies is usually a death sentence that will have you instantly sniped (cough HALO 2 cough), but I played on the second highest difficulty and this shotgun FUCKS HARD AND DIRTY! A.I. is great at navigating the labyrinthian hallways and deploys solid tactics when trying to bring you down. I almost couldn't imagine the difficulty without the ability to slow down time.
What also really impresses me is that it takes the two seemingly contradictory sensations, that of being in a kickass power-fantasy and the vulnerability of being hunted down by an unknown being, and perfectly incorporates the two. It's easy to get caught up ragdolling and drop-kicking dozens of enemies in the moment, but when everything quiets down and you're left wandering the lonely industrial facilities, this game pulls some creepy shit. It blurs the line between hallucinations and paranormal anomalies so well that you'll question whether that shadow you saw from the corner of your eye was something you should be concerned about or not.
TLDR; Adrenaline "Point" Man vs Psychic was a kick-ass dynamic and I have no idea why an atmospheric horror game has such dynamic combat. But it's entirely welcome :)
Has a cutesy artstyle but is probably one of the most emotional Zelda games out there. The "it was all a dream" trope is actually used to a poignant effect here as you learn early on that Koholint and all of its inhabitants are a figment of a dream and that waking up will cease their existence altogether, despite this being your main goal the whole game. Perhaps the memory alone can keep something alive and thinking back on it can give yourself closure in a way? Everything beautiful is temporary I suppose...
Oh my God, THEY MADE PAPER MARIO FUN AGAIN!
Like we're still far behind the caliber of the first three games in the series and I'm not even sure we'll hit that point with Nintendo's bullshit restrictions with their character designs, but this is such a massive step up from Sticker Star and Color Splash that I'll gladly take something as solid as this entry.
Both of those previous games suffered for their awful battle systems so much to where even the creativity and solid writing on display in Color Splash was neutered by the tedious fights littered throughout the levels. They try something new here which still isn't great but is nowhere near as dreadful. Battles amount to solving quick puzzles to align enemies before unleashing attacks to wipe their formations and while this is fun at times, it didn't have quite enough interesting enemy gimmicks to keep from getting a bit repetitive later on. The game in general doesn't have a whole lot of replayability outside of hunting for 100% completion collectibles which kind of sucks that encounters are so rigid and leave little room for player choice. Boss fights luckily divert from this and while a pattern of repetition can still be seen in these, these encounters were enjoyable and easily the highlight of this game's combat.
Areas and themes aren't too much outside of Mario norm but play around with interesting ideas to feel fresh. There's a whole section of the game that basically plays like a mini Wind Waker and that had me grinning ear to ear. The vibes in this game are never too serious, which works in its favor considering the lighthearted approach to storytelling and abundance of humor. The inanimate objects as boss fights I thought would be dumb before going in and while it totally is, it plays into some pretty funny gags. I even found myself intrigued by the relationship between Olivia and King Olly for as little screentime as the former recieved.
Like we're still far behind the caliber of the first three games in the series and I'm not even sure we'll hit that point with Nintendo's bullshit restrictions with their character designs, but this is such a massive step up from Sticker Star and Color Splash that I'll gladly take something as solid as this entry.
Both of those previous games suffered for their awful battle systems so much to where even the creativity and solid writing on display in Color Splash was neutered by the tedious fights littered throughout the levels. They try something new here which still isn't great but is nowhere near as dreadful. Battles amount to solving quick puzzles to align enemies before unleashing attacks to wipe their formations and while this is fun at times, it didn't have quite enough interesting enemy gimmicks to keep from getting a bit repetitive later on. The game in general doesn't have a whole lot of replayability outside of hunting for 100% completion collectibles which kind of sucks that encounters are so rigid and leave little room for player choice. Boss fights luckily divert from this and while a pattern of repetition can still be seen in these, these encounters were enjoyable and easily the highlight of this game's combat.
Areas and themes aren't too much outside of Mario norm but play around with interesting ideas to feel fresh. There's a whole section of the game that basically plays like a mini Wind Waker and that had me grinning ear to ear. The vibes in this game are never too serious, which works in its favor considering the lighthearted approach to storytelling and abundance of humor. The inanimate objects as boss fights I thought would be dumb before going in and while it totally is, it plays into some pretty funny gags. I even found myself intrigued by the relationship between Olivia and King Olly for as little screentime as the former recieved.
2017
Was looking for an excuse to play this again and came up with a new type of run I like to call the Chaos Run.
The rules of the run are simple: Pillage as many moons as you want/need from each kingdom except don't collect any kingdom's final multimoon where it can be skipped to progress the story, leaving the kingdoms in a constant state of chaos as you finish the game.
Not all that different from a normal playthrough all things considered, but just the ability to pursue such an arbitrary condition like this really speaks to the degree of freedom offered in this game. Truly a spiritual successor to Super Mario 64's flexible sandbox.
The rules of the run are simple: Pillage as many moons as you want/need from each kingdom except don't collect any kingdom's final multimoon where it can be skipped to progress the story, leaving the kingdoms in a constant state of chaos as you finish the game.
Not all that different from a normal playthrough all things considered, but just the ability to pursue such an arbitrary condition like this really speaks to the degree of freedom offered in this game. Truly a spiritual successor to Super Mario 64's flexible sandbox.
2016
While not having quite as striking visuals as its Playdead's previous game Limbo, everything else about Inside carries a similar weight and dread that was established with its predecessor. It's a story told with no words, which may sound somewhat cliche in the indie game scene, but the beautifully somber environments do more than enough to invest the player in the world. Even being more of a character driven story guy myself, I can appreciate a game's sinking feeling of isolation as the player is put in the shoes of a nobody who explores a dark liminal world.
2018
Gameplay is solid and has some nice variety in styles but the story is pretty generic and watered-down as far as "Ooooooooo scary glitchy meta commentary.exe" games go. There's so much context not here that I find it hard to care about anything going on here.
(Though the characters are cute anime girls so it's also hard not to care the tiniest bit)
(Though the characters are cute anime girls so it's also hard not to care the tiniest bit)
2022
Add the Smiling Friends
One of my favorite CN flash games from my childhood. It was simple but strangely very addictive.
2017
Replayed this before starting the DLC and I feel like I didn't give this game enough credit for how well it nailed the 30s cartoon feel. Everyone talks about the animation, and for good reason; it's incredible. But everything from the character designs featuring bizarre creatures and inanimate objects with faces to the references to alcohol, smoking, and demons that were much more commonplace back in the day, this straight up feels like they ripped an actual cartoon from the 30s and just made a game about it. It's 100% original though so it's just that much cooler that they really made these characters feel right at home.
I definitely noticed some of the bosses were way easier than I thought they were on my first run back in 2018 but most are pretty fairly balanced and well-designed. The Phantom Express, Cagney Carnation, and the Devil himself are my favorite fights from the game. Levels are also better than I gave them credit for and featured their own interesting scenarios but they're very straightforward with very little to go out of your way for and just pale in comparison to the bosses. Banger game though, now onto the DLC 🔥
I definitely noticed some of the bosses were way easier than I thought they were on my first run back in 2018 but most are pretty fairly balanced and well-designed. The Phantom Express, Cagney Carnation, and the Devil himself are my favorite fights from the game. Levels are also better than I gave them credit for and featured their own interesting scenarios but they're very straightforward with very little to go out of your way for and just pale in comparison to the bosses. Banger game though, now onto the DLC 🔥
2015
This page needs a hero
2008
I've got a strange obsession with terrible Wii shovelware. More than with any other system, developers knew of the systems wide appeal with kids, families, and even grandma to where effort came as an afterthought to pulling people in. This new motion control technology was so mind blowing to the casual crowd that throwing that feature on the box and having some cute characters was more than enough to make these things fly out of the bargain bin.
All of this shitty history lesson to say that this game sucks balls and is probably the minimum effort you can put into a piece of entertainment and still ship it off to stores. I get Steam Greenlight and the Playstation store also have a lot of garbage, unfinished games, so it's not like the Wii was exclusive in including this kind of art. But there's something extra special in that professional developers were fully willing to release physical copies of these games on store shelves for up to $40 (thank God I emulated this).
Petz Crazy Monkeyz isn't even a technically broken game, it just lacks just about anything. It was clearly meant for young children and I could maybe see someone under the age of 6 enjoying what is essentially a simulation of owning their own pet. But when young kids are all you appeal to, you already undermine most of the value that comes with the product. I'm 100% aware a 21 year old 6'3 dude wasn't their main demographic, but damn, have the courtesy to include basic little minigames or something. I feel like even a young kid would soon begin to notice that there isn't much here and that the gameplay loop is as repetitive as it gets.
TLDR: it's not very good and I'd wager many kids would find it boring.
All of this shitty history lesson to say that this game sucks balls and is probably the minimum effort you can put into a piece of entertainment and still ship it off to stores. I get Steam Greenlight and the Playstation store also have a lot of garbage, unfinished games, so it's not like the Wii was exclusive in including this kind of art. But there's something extra special in that professional developers were fully willing to release physical copies of these games on store shelves for up to $40 (thank God I emulated this).
Petz Crazy Monkeyz isn't even a technically broken game, it just lacks just about anything. It was clearly meant for young children and I could maybe see someone under the age of 6 enjoying what is essentially a simulation of owning their own pet. But when young kids are all you appeal to, you already undermine most of the value that comes with the product. I'm 100% aware a 21 year old 6'3 dude wasn't their main demographic, but damn, have the courtesy to include basic little minigames or something. I feel like even a young kid would soon begin to notice that there isn't much here and that the gameplay loop is as repetitive as it gets.
TLDR: it's not very good and I'd wager many kids would find it boring.
Going in guns-a-blazin' provides for some of the tightest action and shooting seen in a Wolfenstein game, and I think that speaks highly for a series that already struck a golden gameplay standard with the New Order and further polished in Old Blood. And that goes to say that some of these individual set pieces are just as, if not more, breathtaking than what was seen in previous games. The tools and setup were all here to make for a truly excellent Wolfenstein experience, but there was definitely a level of misuse in these factors that led me to feeling far less satisfied than I did with New Order.
Stealth has practically been neutered to hell in this game. I played on the "Do or die" difficulty and I never felt like I could get any good stealth kill streaks in. Sometimes the linearity and cramped nature of the maps kept you way too close to the enemy to reliably sneak around and I swear guards randomly noticed me at some points when they really shouldn't have. Chock this up to me being bad at stealth if you will, but I never had this issue with New Order or Old Blood and I kind of miss being able to reliably swap sneaky vs ultra-aggressive playstyles without one being heavily favored over the other.
The gadgets were more wasted potential if anything. I was actually very exciting when I got to choose one out of three options as it felt like a decision that could carry some weight and really change how my campaign would play out. There's definitely unique uses for each one, but nearly every time there was a roadblock that required a gadget, there would be others to accommodate the others nearby. So in the end, they all took you to the same place; it's what you used to get there that's different.
Neither of these flaws would be damning to a truly amazing game in my opinion but I think the biggest ball dropped here is with its story. Taking the already loveable cast from the New Order and continuing the story from that game's ending was a no brainer. And for the most part, the characters still have that level of charm to them. The actual plot however feels rushed in areas and never feels like it uses its concepts to their fullest potential. So many plot threads like (minor spoilers?) Wyatt taking psychedelics and BJ's tragic childhood feel like they're brought up either for gags in Wyatt's case or sympathy in BJ's case and then just dropped where they really could have been tied up better. It feels like they cut out a couple chapters in the late game and thus is paced very weirdly, almost like they had to glue it together and jump to the climax without clear buildup. I can't help but feel hollow inside when I game only begins to captivate me with its story right as it ends without much of a rhyme or reason.
As stated before, I really enjoyed the moment-to-moment shooting mechanics and feel this is a game with great aspects and mechanics behind it, but I find it hard to ignore how rushed it felt in some areas and how weak of a note the story ended on (albeit the main villain's death was fairly satisfying for what little buildup there was).
Stealth has practically been neutered to hell in this game. I played on the "Do or die" difficulty and I never felt like I could get any good stealth kill streaks in. Sometimes the linearity and cramped nature of the maps kept you way too close to the enemy to reliably sneak around and I swear guards randomly noticed me at some points when they really shouldn't have. Chock this up to me being bad at stealth if you will, but I never had this issue with New Order or Old Blood and I kind of miss being able to reliably swap sneaky vs ultra-aggressive playstyles without one being heavily favored over the other.
The gadgets were more wasted potential if anything. I was actually very exciting when I got to choose one out of three options as it felt like a decision that could carry some weight and really change how my campaign would play out. There's definitely unique uses for each one, but nearly every time there was a roadblock that required a gadget, there would be others to accommodate the others nearby. So in the end, they all took you to the same place; it's what you used to get there that's different.
Neither of these flaws would be damning to a truly amazing game in my opinion but I think the biggest ball dropped here is with its story. Taking the already loveable cast from the New Order and continuing the story from that game's ending was a no brainer. And for the most part, the characters still have that level of charm to them. The actual plot however feels rushed in areas and never feels like it uses its concepts to their fullest potential. So many plot threads like (minor spoilers?) Wyatt taking psychedelics and BJ's tragic childhood feel like they're brought up either for gags in Wyatt's case or sympathy in BJ's case and then just dropped where they really could have been tied up better. It feels like they cut out a couple chapters in the late game and thus is paced very weirdly, almost like they had to glue it together and jump to the climax without clear buildup. I can't help but feel hollow inside when I game only begins to captivate me with its story right as it ends without much of a rhyme or reason.
As stated before, I really enjoyed the moment-to-moment shooting mechanics and feel this is a game with great aspects and mechanics behind it, but I find it hard to ignore how rushed it felt in some areas and how weak of a note the story ended on (albeit the main villain's death was fairly satisfying for what little buildup there was).