Bro I just want to marry the teacher that is only a few years older then me that can belch toxic sludge outta her fucking perfect mouth. GET THE FUCK OUTTA here with that dumb broad with the dog; fuck off bitch.

Whatever Whatever Whatever Whatever Whatever Whatever Whatever Whatever Whatever Whatever .....

Very solid opening song. You know what, basically a very solid disc 1 and then it shits the bed HARD.

Cyberpunk is a bad game, and not because it's broken and unfinished... Cyberpunk is a bad game that also happens to be broken and unfinished. I managed to get through it purely due to entertainment value from its many, many glitches. The gameplay was nothing to write home about, just a mediocre FPS with some of the lamest RPG-lite progression I've ever seen. Oh boy, a 1% increase to bleeding, what fun and satisfying upgrades! The level design was never there, several maps are just corridor shooters or wide open areas, the enemies had almost zero AI, and the only difficulty would be when enemies are actually suddenly able to hit me (or cops, who inexplicably 2hko me every time despite my high value armor). Every boss fight basically involved me almost never being damaged: Sasquatch was the funniest in this regard, just walking forwards with a hammer presenting zero threat whatsoever as I shot him with a turret taking no damage. Oda also sticks out: he can be the final boss you face if you take certain endings, and while he has a lot of tools at his disposal, I just circle strafed him while whacking him with a baseball bat, and I won taking only two hits from him. You'd think a guy with swords, a machine gun, and active camo would be threatening but somehow he was a breeze that I won against with a literal joke strategy.

The story and characters are badly written: V is a bland protagonist who I could never care about, Johnny Silverhand is just an annoying jackass who never actually grows even though the game pretends he does (initially I liked Keanu's performance but he felt extremely monotone by the end of the game), the entire Arasaka plot is stupid... the two highlights to me were Jackie (not enough screentime) and Takemura (thankfully around quite a bit). Why on earth does the plot ultimately boil down to "go play counselor to a rich Japanese family"? The game literally advertises itself as "a heist to steal the key to immortality", but the game never actually talks about that stuff until the actual ending. The heist happens, but for the most part they never talk about it being "the key to immortality", and that's really not actually what it is. For someone who is publicly believed to be the murderer of the most powerful man in the world, V sure faces absolutely zero repercussions to that in the story! Yeah, you're dying, but that's not a consequence of stealing from Arasaka, that's a consequence of Johnny being in your head. Being considered public enemy #1 should be a game changing implication - when Ganondorf takes over Hyrule, things HAPPEN in the world and you have repercussions for your failure to stop his plot. Characters almost have no screentime whatsoever unless they're Johnny or Takemura, and I'm glad I liked Takemura because otherwise I'd have nothing here. Panam and Judy seemed okay but their actual missions are short and I didn't get invested in their sidequests.They exist for such a short time and in such inconsequential missions that while they were pleasant, there was little for me to latch onto. Characters are lucky to exist for more than three scenes, and this especially applies to THE MAIN ANTAGONISTS, Yorinobu and Adam Smasher. And as an aside: would it have killed the writers to just once NOT use shorthand for everything? Jesus christ V, say "I" ONCE! Just once! "I'M THINKING THAT" would've been a godsend to hear just once instead of the constant incessant sentence fragments starting with "thinkin that", "hearin talk that", "might have ta" etc. It's naturalistic writing to occasionally include that, the way they did it was like they were upholding some ridiculous style guide and in an attempt to make the characters sound real it made them sound like voiced text messages. A single fucking pronoun once in a while isn't gonna kill you, CDPR, I know you don't like them based your hilarious and original twitter jokes, but they are useful grammatical tools that would make your shitty writing sound better!

Add onto this the constant glitches and the boring, ugly open world that had almost no interactivity or reason to exist... if it wasn't for Cyberpunk being consistently the funniest game I've ever played (for all the wrong reasons) it is something I would've dropped immediately. My favorite glitch is probably the fact that every time there was a shootout on cars, the enemies would not spawn their guns. Every single time it happened. Jackie talked about needing to take me to a ripperdoc after the first one and I had taken zero damage because none of the enemies even HAD guns, they simply did not spawn in. They were pantomiming shooting me, but they had nothing in their arms. Motorcycle chase from the landfill? Same thing, the dudes just t-posed on their bikes and I took no damage while Takemura remarked about how a ripperdoc wouldn't be able to fix me up if I died before I got to them. Equally funny was my character's shitty hair and clothing desyncing with the character model and appearing in front of me. The hair was especially bad about this, it would somehow hover in front of my field of view, mostly obscuring it and forcing me to save and reload because this would not be fixed otherwise - I tested it, it literally lasted for two hours on one occasion. Sometimes my voice was just suddenly male V, or characters would not have their voice at all (T-Bug is the most forgettable character in the game to me because 95% of her dialogue never played - it's not her fault, this glitch just really screwed her over). I accidentally paid for a prostitute when I was on the phone progressing a mission because somehow the text popups for both conversations popped up and overlapped, and the sex scene was hilarious to witness: she kept turning into a PS1 model, her teeth and eyes would pop out, sometimes the camera was inexplicably inside V's mouth and I would see V's teeth as V opened her mouth, and then the prostitute t-posed and the world disappeared... all this and the whole time, the other phone call was still going on. Model glitches in general were very common too - Panam's arm broke and was permanently hanging diagonally backwards out from her neck for a whole mission, and V's own model broke so much it was hard to keep track. At one point V's head was broken such that it was facing down at our feet/legs, as if I were watching somebody follow me.

I'm sure they'll patch this game to make it playable eventually. But frankly I think simply patching it won't do much to improve it - to me, its issues are beyond that. You can patch a game to make it function better, but stability patches don't fix shitty story or gameplay.