WitchCian
love these funky little lesbians. these sappholopods
2008
This game is like, peak kusoge. There are so many systems in this game, so much ambition, and all of it is terrible. Made at the peak of the Havok Physics Engine revolution of the 360 generation, everything in this game flops around and waggles. A horror game that completely fails to be scary at any point, it is a genuinely hilarious romp to go through right up until the final Episode of the game, where the game demands you arbitrarily burn down 50 tree roots before you're allowed to do the final chapter.
"I Don't Have Your Stone, and Fuck You Anyway" - Edward Carnby
"I Don't Have Your Stone, and Fuck You Anyway" - Edward Carnby
2022
splendidland is so very good at condensing specific feelings into all of her art. Franken perfectly surmises the classic RPG experience into a breezy hour and a half journey. The art is fantastic, whether that be adorable overworld sprites, the dialogue portraits which bring to mind Leiji Matsumoto's work, or the battle art, which is simultaneously intimidating and cute, and all of this is delivered in a style that is unmistakably splendidland.
The gameplay surmises the content of an RPG in a manner reminiscent of one of my favourite Game Boy games, For The Frog The Bell Tolls, and much like that title uses every mechanic it has as a vehicle for telling jokes and had me smiling the whole way through. Highly reccomend.
The gameplay surmises the content of an RPG in a manner reminiscent of one of my favourite Game Boy games, For The Frog The Bell Tolls, and much like that title uses every mechanic it has as a vehicle for telling jokes and had me smiling the whole way through. Highly reccomend.
2016
Just finished a replay on my Steam Deck, this game still rules. Still plays great and has some of the best boss fights in the series. Halberds for life.
1999
A difficult game to judge on a quantitative level, because the actual Rhythm Gameplay is so fundamental and at times feels like it barely functions that it's hard to recommend playing. But for everything that Um Jammer Lammy lacks in modern playability and polish, it makes up for with style, and what style it is. The music, the visuals, the voice acting, the story, is all so very charming. I absolutely adore this game.
1997
Armored Core rules. I played this game so much as a kid and thought it was the coolest but never managed to get very far because of how difficult it was. This game's oppressive atmosphere, sick tunes and customisation has it still stand up to this day. I'm glad to have finally finished it, although I don't desire to do the ill-conceived platforming segments again any time soon.
Mission accomplished, Raven.
Mission accomplished, Raven.
This game truly and utterly sucks, but in a way that fascinates me. Capcom wants a Games As A Service Resident Evil so very badly, and their latest attempt is... a Deathmatch Arena Shooter that directly adapts the mechanics of the Resident Evil Remakes with no regard for how they would work in a multiplayer setting? In what world did they think this was going to be the new eSport that audiences clamour for?
I could talk about the individual mechanical decisions here that are not very good, (Chris having an ability that just lets him be invincible for 3 seconds, Ada spawning with a one hit kill crossbow, how its a score based game that is entirely based on getting Last Hits on enemies) but most importantly, There's a perk you can unlock in this game that protects how much MMR you can lose in a match. If Activision or EA ever realises this is a mechanic that they could sell to consumers this industry will be broken forever.
I could talk about the individual mechanical decisions here that are not very good, (Chris having an ability that just lets him be invincible for 3 seconds, Ada spawning with a one hit kill crossbow, how its a score based game that is entirely based on getting Last Hits on enemies) but most importantly, There's a perk you can unlock in this game that protects how much MMR you can lose in a match. If Activision or EA ever realises this is a mechanic that they could sell to consumers this industry will be broken forever.
2016
This is one of the best puzzle games I've ever played. Jonathan Blow should fuck off forever though.
1998
Is Sonic R a good racing game? Not really.
However as an expression of 3D graphics and CD quality sound at one of the turning points of the medium, it is indispensable to me. It's a game so directly tied to my childhood that I struggle to detach it from my nostalgia, but it's always fun to boot up every now and again.
However as an expression of 3D graphics and CD quality sound at one of the turning points of the medium, it is indispensable to me. It's a game so directly tied to my childhood that I struggle to detach it from my nostalgia, but it's always fun to boot up every now and again.
Notably better gunplay and level design is brought down by a story that is at its best nonexistant and nonsensical (who are the 40th Day? Who is Jonah? Why is any of this happening?) and at it's worst needlessly edgy for shock value. The late 2000s trend of Morality Systems can be found at it's absolute lowest point here in Army of Two The 40th Day.
2000
I had a lot more fun with this than I did the first game! A lot less to enjoy here outside of the combat loop, which I did like, but its lacking in depth in most other aspects compared to most other Survival Horror games on the system. Less fun for the folks who watch me play these horror games, but a fun enough ride nonetheless.
1999
its like resident evil but they make you get two keys for every door rather than one
2010
The amount of time I've spent thinking about this game is honestly ludicrous. A game that is truly more than the sum of its parts. The combat is overly mashy. The character models are downright ugly. The quest design is overly repetitive (hope you enjoy clearing out the Junk Heap) and the drop rates for items are abysmal (hope you enjoy killing the same three goats over and over because they only spawn in one spot in Act 2) and the by the second half of the game you can really tell how much the team was stretching out as much use they could out of the existing areas they had designed. (I don't want to think about how many times I've run through the block pushing puzzle rooms of the Lost Shrine.)
But Nier is probably my favourite game ever. I've 100%d it multiple times. I adore almost everything about this game. The fantastic voice work with Jamieson Price, Liam O'Brien, Laura Bailey, Julie Ann Taylor, Heather Hogan and Eden Riegel all giving what I would argue are the best performances of their careers. The feeling of casting magic spells punctuated with fantastic sound design that make it seems truly otherworldly and alien. Keiichi Okabe and Emi Evans's fabulous soundtrack that has been a mainstay of every MP3 player I've owned since playing this game. My absolute favourite party in any JRPG, with every single character being so well defined by the end of the game it was hard to say goodbye to any of them.
Nier is a game about love. A self destructive love. A love that is paradoxically neglectful. Love so strong that you're willing to destroy the world for it.
I love Nier, and it destroyed me. I destroyed Nier, and it loves me.
But Nier is probably my favourite game ever. I've 100%d it multiple times. I adore almost everything about this game. The fantastic voice work with Jamieson Price, Liam O'Brien, Laura Bailey, Julie Ann Taylor, Heather Hogan and Eden Riegel all giving what I would argue are the best performances of their careers. The feeling of casting magic spells punctuated with fantastic sound design that make it seems truly otherworldly and alien. Keiichi Okabe and Emi Evans's fabulous soundtrack that has been a mainstay of every MP3 player I've owned since playing this game. My absolute favourite party in any JRPG, with every single character being so well defined by the end of the game it was hard to say goodbye to any of them.
Nier is a game about love. A self destructive love. A love that is paradoxically neglectful. Love so strong that you're willing to destroy the world for it.
I love Nier, and it destroyed me. I destroyed Nier, and it loves me.
2008
in a word; dire. the most rancid and embarrassing american sentiment of the war on terror wrapped up in terrible feeling 3rd Person Shooting. You literally go to Afghanistan on September 12th to personally destroy Al Qaeda. Subtext is dead and we have blind fired at him, gaining aggro all the while.
2015
Black Mesa can't really ever replace the original Half-Life because of how special the original game is to me, but the spectacle of Black Mesa makes it worthwhile. A lovingly crafted remake, and the splendor of Xen is absolutely excellent.