aughhhh
BACKER
2010
"it was amazing! player choice was paramount, the writing was amazing, and- the freedom! Each possible contingency you could take - accounted for! And the music!"
"Okay, grandpa," my grandchild says as they finish changing my colostomy bag. "let's put you to bed, okay?"
"Okay, grandpa," my grandchild says as they finish changing my colostomy bag. "let's put you to bed, okay?"
2017
a man in a wizard hat with a beard and a wand: "hey, kids! do you want to play a fun fantasy game, with ogres and bird ladies and magic!"
kids: "yaaaaaaay!!!!"
the same man, ripping off his hat and beard to reveal himself as John Madden: "SURPRISE LOSERS IT'S TIME TO BALL"
kids: "yaaaaaaay!!!!"
the same man, ripping off his hat and beard to reveal himself as John Madden: "SURPRISE LOSERS IT'S TIME TO BALL"
the presentation of this game is really amazing; the voicework is stellar and each of the playable characters is iconic and charming, from the "oh no she's scottish" racist elf to the sniveling shakespearian protests from witch hunter extraordinaire victor saltzpyre.
on the other hand actually playing the game makes me want to rip out all of my hair and stuff it in my mouth and then eat the hair and then throw it back up and then cry.
on the other hand actually playing the game makes me want to rip out all of my hair and stuff it in my mouth and then eat the hair and then throw it back up and then cry.
2010
you know, i don't think anyone ever asked the question "what if twin peaks was made by european game developers on a limited budget" but if they did, this would be the answer
2014
look, i get it, i'd spend my entire budget on elijah wood too if i could. mf looks at me once with those dreamy hobbit eyes and i'm ready for him to climb my garden wall, you know what i mean
2015
it turns out that the result of having a team of french writers in their 30s-40s attempt to write realistic dialogue for american teens in the pacific northwest is a game where everyone is basically steve buscemi in the "how do you do, fellow kids" meme from 30 rock
2019
living proof that lesbians are cooler than gay guys. like, you don't see us forming badass tarantino-adjacent sukeban biker gangs whenever we need to get something done; we can barely organize brunch without having a nervous breakdown
2002
nowhere near as bad as people made it out to be; the violin in the main battle track is nuts
1997
young man, you are not allowed to leave this table until you finish your unfinished freeform experimental jrpg and you like it
random fact: asellus was the first queer video game character i ever encountered, so that's cool
random fact: asellus was the first queer video game character i ever encountered, so that's cool
1997
inner monologue: okay, you can do this, just tell everyone how important this game was to you in your formative years and how it represents a kind of nostalgia for a time past that you'll never reclaim; that this game, in essence, represents the hopefulness of youth
...rei.... titty big
inner monologue: goddammit that's it, i'm outta here
...rei.... titty big
inner monologue: goddammit that's it, i'm outta here
ffxiv almost achieved it in heavensward, but this was kind of the moment the game transformed into something bigger than it was. whether you prefer the story told during shadowbringers or endwalker is a matter of personal taste, but the combination of shb's thoughtfully written narrative coinciding with the beginning of a worldwide pandemic kind of really cemented ffxiv as this kind of magical, meaningful thing for a lot of people
also, the eden raid series is great; asphodelos/abyssos just don't feel anywhere near as good and i really miss beating up anne hathaway after a botched lip injection every week
also, the eden raid series is great; asphodelos/abyssos just don't feel anywhere near as good and i really miss beating up anne hathaway after a botched lip injection every week
2001
you have a musical duel with a black disco elvis in a bee suit with a diabolical saxophone while charming woodland creatures provide doo wop backing vocals. five stars no notes
if this were fire emblem: fates and each house leader got their own game, they'd be called
fire emblem: girlboss gatekeep gaslight
fire emblem: they don't know i have daddy issues
fire emblem: himbo hooters
fire emblem: girlboss gatekeep gaslight
fire emblem: they don't know i have daddy issues
fire emblem: himbo hooters
2001
vivid memories of waking up at two in the morning to the sounds of "don't worry buddy, don't worry buddy, don't worry buddy" to find my younger sister, feverish and transfixed, in the middle of one of her 15 hour stints of just playing the chao garden minigame
not a joke: if you go through the game again with the perspective that yuna is somewhere on the spectrum it does a lot to explain heddy buress's voice acting (halting, unsure, distant) and her decision to dress like the sales rack at claire's once x-2 starts (she's exploring her womanhood but in the most easy to understand, ABC accessible kind of way.) this made her a lot more endearing the second time around
is a joke: nothing can or ever will explain tidus's voice acting
is a joke: nothing can or ever will explain tidus's voice acting